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Some people completely sabotage themselves when they go through a breakup. It’s a natural reaction and it makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do. With a little help and a little information, you can stop yourself from making crucial mistakes that could mess things up even further. This is what we will show you in this guide.
Along with that, we tell you more about relationships and the way we communicate with our partners, like typical behaviors that destroy relationships, how to rekindle the relationship with your ex (and trust me, it is possible), how to treat your partner if he/she is addicted to pornography, signs that you can trust your partner, and signs of intimacy problems. All of these things will help you understand you and your ex better and will hopefully help you in future relationships, whether that is with your ex or someone else.
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Get Your Ex Back
Get over a Breakup and Rekindle Your Relationship
By Betty Fragment
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Things You Must Never Ever Do to Get Over a Breakup
Chapter 2: Typical Behaviors That Are Subtly Undermining Your Relationship
Chapter 3: Tips on How to Rekindle a Relationship with Your Ex
Chapter 4: How to Treat Your Partner If They Have Porn Addiction
Chapter 5: The Top Eleven Signs You Can Totally Trust Your Partner
Chapter 6: The Top ten Signs You Might Have Intimacy Issues
Chapter 1: Things You Must Never Ever Do to Get Over a Breakup
Breaking up is very hard to do
Break-ups hurt, and they can take more time than the majority of us wish to admit to get over. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking all the time you really need to heal, there is a myriad of things you should refrain from doing while on that road to healing, according to relationship professionals. "Simply because of the swirling of emotions and intensity of them, it is essential to react to the separation in decisive and healthy ways," notes Juliana Morris, PhD, marriage and family therapist and licensed expert counselor. "Keep from unhealthy survival skills, as although they may bring short-lived relief and release, it will not be irreversible and typically adds new issues to the psychological roller coaster you are on." Here's a look at the things you should never do to get over a breakup.
Do not beg for another chance
Obviously, you miss your ex and might still be in shock about the break up, but getting over a separation means not advocating a do-over. "If you feel compelled to do so, examine your motivation," says Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist, Huffington Post blog writer, and writer of Be Brave: Change Your Life in 28 Days. "Do you miss your ex specifically, or do you miss out on the idea of having a partner? The two are very different," he adds.
Don't call or text
Any contact with your ex reinforces and strengthens your attachment, and restrains your recovery, according to Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, dating coach, founder and medical director of Growing Self Therapy & Coaching, author of Exaholics and host of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. "A crucial step in healing is to remove your ex from your physical and digital world," she says. Aim to address least 1 month without calling your ex if you want to begin getting over a breakup. Thirty days will end up being 40, then 50 ... and by then, chances are you will be feeling far better and have some added clarity.
Don't look for revenge
It's natural to feel the desire to lash out at your ex, directly or indirectly, explains, Ili Rivera Walter, PhD, LMFT, and professor of marriage and family therapy, but it is not wise to actually do so. "When those feelings appear, take a deep breath and ask your higher self: 1) Is it worth being in the negative energy of revenge? 2) Is vengeance constant with who you want to be? 3) How will this serve me, now, or in the future?" she says. "Revenge is a two-edged sword that can leave feelings of shame and regret."
Don't date (or wed!) the next person you meet
With revenge still on the mind, and in the heart, it's really simple to want to replace the missing limb but resist, advises April Masini, a New York-based relationship and etiquette expert. "After a painful break up, being single for a while is the best way to guarantee that your next relationship is not impulsive, haphazard, and doomed for a repeat break up," she says. "Take a while to process what happened and where things didn't go as you had hoped-- and what you want to do in a different way next time," she says.
Overdo it on the partying
Sure, it's appealing to drown your sorrows to get over a separation, but that is a mistake. "Some people are searching for validation that they are still attractive or hot," says Jenn Mann, PhD, author of The Relationship Repair: Doctor Jenn's 6-Step Guide to Improving Communication, Connection & Intimacy. However, right after a separation, if you begin drinking, flirting, or partying, well, all those things are distractions from the mourning process. "If we do not take some time to grieve and do not work on ourselves, we are doomed in our next relationship," she says.
Do not catastrophize it
Separations aren't fun, but they are also not the end of the world. When times feel tough, Morris recommends giving yourself a little tough love. "Don't let the strength of the feelings make you start doubting yourself, using 'never' statements and swearing off dating and really love 'forever and ever,'" Morris says. "It is hard and heartbreaking but you'll get over it and move on and you'll soon feel better."
Do not stay away from the pain
To get over a break up, you could try to keep from your hurt and pain just because it is just too terrible. However, you cannot recuperate from the relationship when you stay away from it. Morris alerts not to tamp down or keep from your emotions. "Do not expect your feelings to happen in some sort of organized, cookie-cutter way-- they will appear at unexpected and maybe troublesome times and ways," she says. "Allow the variety of unhappiness, hurt, anger, aggravation, celebration, fear, even hate come to you; face them, experience them and move through them."
Do not require to social networks
