Help! I'm Married to My Pastor E-Book

Jani Ortlund

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

Ministry is hard. And every ministry wife needs—and deserves—encouragement. A woman marries a man, not his ministry. But all too often her husband's calling complicates their life together. What if ministry life isn't what she bargained for? What happens when her children make mistakes? How does she deal with church gossip, or even slander? As a pastor's wife of almost fifty years, Jani Ortlund addresses these questions, along with many others, as she offers encouragement and guidance to ministry wives. Jani reminds readers that God works out his delightfully good purposes in and through their sacrifices. 

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“While being a pastor’s wife is not an office in the church, it comes with hidden expectations and undefined responsibilities. While knowing intimately that the integrity of the man behind the pulpit holds enormous blessings, living in the constant, unyielding spotlight can weary the soul. A pastor’s wife must learn how to feed on the word of God, turn the other cheek, cling to Christ, embrace the means of grace, protect her children from criticism and callings that they did not choose, and support a husband whose calling demands he lay down his life again and again. And all of this is done in the public eye. A pastor’s wife needs a trustworthy friend, and she will find that friend in Jani Ortlund’s book. Jani’s wisdom has been refined by almost fifty years of being the wife of her pastor. Her writing style is simple, straightforward, and sane. Practical, poignant, and personal, this book is—like Jani—wise and tender and most of all, faithful to the call of Christ to join in the ‘fellowship of His sufferings’ (Phil. 3:10 NKJV). I love this book.”

Rosaria Butterfield, Former Professor of English, Syracuse University; author, The Gospel Comes with a House Key

“Ministry wives today face both joys and challenges as they navigate their calling. Would that we could sit down with Jani Ortlund and learn from her wealth of wisdom from nearly fifty years of experience as an excellent wife alongside her pastor husband, Ray Ortlund. This book is the next best thing! Each short chapter tackles a timely challenge and then answers it biblically and specifically. Jani is one of the Lord’s sweetest servants, and she embraces the high calling to be a pastor’s wife to the glory of God. Jani loves Jesus and draws others to him. Jani loves Ray and inspires all of us who are ministry wives to serve more enthusiastically as we swim against the tide. Her writings are a gift. I am particularly eager to share this encouraging book with student wives as they prepare to serve our Lord and his church.”

Mary K. Mohler, Director, Seminary Wives Institute, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Growing in Gratitude

“I am thankful for this special and much-needed book—fresh, joyous, and written by someone who has been there and not found God to be wanting. What an encouragement to us ministry wives! It made me glad to be a pastor’s wife, strengthened my hands for the work, and made me want to share this with my husband.”

Carolyn Ash, wife of Christopher Ash, Writer-in-Residence, Tyndale House, Cambridge

“Oh, my goodness! I was hooked from the foreword to the very last prayer. I already knew I was going to love this book from my interaction with the gracious author, Jani Ortlund. However, I must say, this book exceeded my expectations! It is written with such warmth, humor, understanding, and grace. It is a must for every pastor’s wife. Jani offers sage advice comingled with gentleness, understanding, affirmation, and oodles of encouragement. I plan on buying numerous copies of this book for women I know whose husbands are in God’s service. Every chapter brought tears to my eyes, a smile to my face, and joy to my heart!”

Cheryl Brodersen, speaker; Bible teacher; Host, Living Grace; wife of Brian Brodersen, Pastor, Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa, California

“If you’ve lived as a ministry wife for more than ten seconds, you’ll likely know how incredibly rewarding yet exceedingly difficult it can be. Jani Ortlund definitely does! This wonderful book is a treasure chest overflowing with refreshing, practical gems of wisdom, advice, and encouragement from a woman who has been there. Jani knows how to read the emotional dashboard of life as a ministry wife and then point us back to Jesus. Read this book slowly and soak up these truths; you’ll find fuel for your journey and joy along the way.”

Kristina Ramsey, pastor’s wife and church planter, Liberti Church, Gold Coast, Australia

“The church is often aware of the chaos that comes with being a pastor, but the struggles of a pastor’s wife are often overlooked. Jani Ortlund’s motherly affection for younger pastors’ wives shines through in Help! I’m Married to My Pastor. She disciples us at the turning of every page with her godly wisdom and love.”

Nikki Daniel, wife of Bert Daniel, Pastor, Crawford Avenue Baptist Church, Augusta, Georgia

“Jani Ortlund invites pastors’ wives and ministry leaders to drink from her deep well of biblical, practical wisdom. This book is a winsome reminder of why we must press on in our calling despite real hardships along the way. Jani is running with us, coaching us to press on toward the goal because Christ is worth it. Every married woman in ministry will be spurred to the finish line through her mentoring in Help! I’m Married to My Pastor. It’s been added to my list of must-read books to equip and encourage women. I joyfully recommend it!”

Leslie Bennett, Director of Women’s Ministry Initiatives, Revive Our Hearts

Help! I’m Married to My Pastor

Encouragement for Ministry Wives and Those Who Love Them

Jani Ortlund

Help! I’m Married to My Pastor: Encouragement for Ministry Wives and Those Who Love Them

Copyright © 2021 by Jani Ortlund

Published by Crossway1300 Crescent StreetWheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Crossway® is a registered trademark in the United States of America.

Published in association with the literary agency of Wolgemuth & Associates, Inc.

Portions of this volume appeared in "Sweet Sacrifices: The Challenges of Women in Ministry," CBMW Journal, vol. 14, no. 1 (2013).

Cover design and illustration: Crystal Courtney

First printing 2021

Printed in the United States of America

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-6977-7 ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-6980-7 PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-6978-4 Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-6979-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Ortlund, Jani, author.

Title: Help, i’m married to my pastor!: encouragement for ministry wives and those who love them / Jani Ortlund.

Description: Wheaton, Illinois : Crossway, 2021. | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020001987 (print) | LCCN 2020001988 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433569777 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9781433569784 (pdf) | ISBN 9781433569791 (mobi) | ISBN 9781433569807 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Spouses of clergy. | Wives–Religious life.

Classification: LCC BV4395 .O78 2021 (print) | LCC BV4395 (ebook) | DDC 253/.22–dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020001987

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020001988

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

2020-12-08 08:54:06 AM

To Ray Ortlund Jr.

The truest and best of his generation

and the Christlike pastor I get to be married to.

I’m forever grateful.

Contents

Foreword by Ray Ortlund

Introduction

 1  Help! I Didn’t Bargain for This

 2  Help! It’s Sunday Morning

 3  Help! I Want to Fix Him

 4  Help! My Husband Seems Depressed

 5  Help! I Can’t Remember Their Names

 6  Help! My Children Aren’t Perfect

 7  Help! My Pastor Doesn’t Understand Me

 8  Help! I Haven’t Seen Them for a While

 9  Help! I Need More of God

10  Help! Our Romance Is Regressing

11  Help! They’re Talking Again

12  Help! Remind Me Why We Do This

Appendix: Scriptural Prayers for My Husband

Notes

General Index

Scripture Index

Foreword

An unsung hero is defined as “one who does great deeds but receives little or no recognition for them.” It’s an accurate description of a pastor’s wife, isn’t it?

She pours out her life not only for her family but also, with her husband, for her church. She is not a life-depleting person but wonderfully life-enriching to all around. The world is more alive because she is alive. She is like Christ. Indeed, she is from Christ.

If you are the wife of a pastor, that’s you. It’s why you so matter. You are not always thanked as you deserve to be. So as you open this book, let me be the first to say thank you! Thank you for putting Christ first. Thank you for loving your pastor husband. Thank you for believing, for praying, for serving. We all owe you a great debt of gratitude.

This book matters because you matter. My amazing wife, Jani, wrote this for you—to affirm you and encourage you; to put some fresh wind into your sails; to help you feel noticed, understood, and respected; to invest in you and strengthen you and prepare you for your glorious future. She is glad this book is now in your hands. May the Lord himself add his blessing!

Let me tell you something about this book’s author. Even as “there was a man sent from God, whose name was John” (John 1:6), there is also a woman sent from God, whose name is Jani. I have the sacred privilege of being her husband. Under Christ himself, she is God’s greatest gift to me. She is a gift to you too, even as you are to so many.

I am glad Jani wrote this book. She is qualified to do so. She knows what she’s writing about. When I was ordained to the gospel ministry in 1975, she was there, and she was all in. I can’t remember a single Sunday in all these years when she wasn’t there, praying for me and encouraging me, all in. Jani has seen it all and survived it all, and to this day she is still giving life—even more than ever.

I have never once seen Jani turn away and refuse the call of Christ upon her life. I have never once seen her return evil for evil. I have never once seen her sink into despair and rage. Time after time after time, she has put her trust in the Lord and bravely done the next right thing. And she has only grown deeper in Christ and richer in her capacity to give life. I owe her so much. The churches we have served owe her so much. My success is hers.

Now her hard-won experience over these many years is her gift to you—through this book. Maybe the best way to benefit from it is to read slowly, just one chapter at a time, sharing your thoughts with your husband along the way. At the end of each chapter, Jani includes a brief note to your husband as well, so that the two of you can experience the journey side by side. By the end, you’ll be in a deeper place together, by God’s grace, for his glory. And with you stronger, Jani will be happier too.

Thank you for giving Jani the privilege of serving you.

The Lord bless you and keep you;

The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24–26)

Ray Ortlund, Pastor to Pastors, Immanuel Church, Nashville, Tennessee

Introduction

Her voice was unknown to me, but her story was all too familiar. “My husband is a pastor and I don’t know who to talk to. Would you have time to meet?” Soon she was pouring out to me her heartache of discouragement, confusion, and broken relationships.

Ministry marriages bear unique strains that often obscure the joys of building a lifelong romance. A woman marries a man, not his ministry, but somehow her husband’s calling seeps into every aspect of their one-flesh relationship. The weight of accurately teaching God’s word week by week, the burden of bearing the confidential crises of his people, the responsibility of guiding friends through life’s most significant events (births, baptisms, weddings, deaths), the obligation of leading a staff and lay leaders with competence, the task of raising up a godly family in a public setting, the call to live a life worthy of imitation in every way—these and other pastoral pressures can cause tension in any ministry marriage.

This book is for every ministry wife who has ever felt alone and fears she might not have what it takes to sustain a happy ministry marriage. It is, strangely enough, a validation of that fear. Who, after all, is truly capable of this calling?

This book is also an affirmation that God will work out his delightfully good purposes in and through her. Marriage to a pastor is a sacred calling. A ministry wife’s fears about rumors and romance, finances and friendships, hospitality and homemaking can all find a resting place in the one who called her into this ministry marriage. “He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

What every ministry wife needs is a friend—not another list of things to do to keep everyone happy, but another woman calling back to her from farther down the road, telling her that this life of sacrifices is worth it because Jesus is worth it. I want to be that kind of friend, Lord willing, who will call back to those behind me, “Keep going! You may be in a muddle right now, but keep going! It will be worth it! We serve the God who remembers. He sees. He knows. He cares.”

Help! I’m Married to My Pastor