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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
Find your purpose.
Make a change. If you're not happy, not fulfilled, feel empty and lack motivation, make a change. Don’t exist. Live. Turn things around and live a happy, successful, fulfilling life. Go on, you deserve to.
Hypnotist and celebrity life-coach Benjamin Bonetti is an expert in addressing limiting beliefs, unlocking purpose and driving success. In How to Change Your Life he shows us how to uncover our 'thing' – how to discover what we should be doing with our lives and how to make that happen. With Benjamin’s help we can leap over hurdles, bash through barriers and drive forward towards successful and fulfilment.
You will learn;
- How to discover your 'thing' – your purpose
- How to unleash your true potential by clearing out past beliefs and barriers.
- The secrets of high achievers and how to implement them yourself
- The real reasons why people underachieve
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Seitenzahl: 197
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013
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Table of Contents
Endorsements
Dedication
Title page
Copyright page
Introduction
Step One: Selecting the Material
The importance of identity
Values, beliefs, and honesty
Accepting risk and failure
Selecting the material checklist
Step Two: Rounding the Edges
A different approach
Educating your past
Forgiving and letting go
Realigning your dreams
Rounding the edges checklist
Step Three: Setting the Stone
Success preparation
Visualizing a completed you
Installing a learning mind-set
Moving forward and accepting change
Setting the stone checklist
Step Four: Leaving a Legacy
Building your temple
Living with a smile
Passing on
Leaving a legacy checklist
Pick Up Your Tools
About Benjamin Bonetti
Index
“An essential practical read for anyone looking to supercharge their motivation, but more than that it helps you truly understand what you want and why, enabling you to break through and create that vital change. This book undoubtedly will light a fire inside you to create your own unique legacy.”
Ben Griffiths, Creator, The Primal Nation Fitness Revolution & “The UK's go-to-guy for Women's Weight-Loss”
“How to Change Your Life is a book you can pick up at any point and gleam some gems for your day or week. Some of the insights and understandings of how our minds and bodies work are worth a second read as there really isn't a handbook for the brain out there quite like this.”
Terry Elston, International Corporate Trainer & Author, Trainer of NLP & Hypnosis,www.nlpworld.co.uk
This book is dedicated to the following:
My Children
My Father
My Friends
L.P
& All Those Who Believed In Me
© 2013 Benjamin Bonetti
Registered office
John Wiley and Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, United Kingdom
For details of our global editorial offices, for customer services and for information about how to apply for permission to reuse the copyright material in this book please see our website at www.wiley.com.
The right of the author to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, except as permitted by the UK Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Wiley publishes in a variety of print and electronic formats and by print-on-demand. Some material included with standard print versions of this book may not be included in e-books or in print-on-demand. If this book refers to media such as a CD or DVD that is not included in the version you purchased, you may download this material at http://booksupport.wiley.com. For more information about Wiley products, visit www.wiley.com.
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Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with the respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. It is sold on the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services and neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. If professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bonetti, Benjamin, 1982–
How to change your life : who am I and what should I do with my life / Benjamin Bonetti.
pages cm
Includes index.
ISBN 978-0-85708-464-4 (pbk.)
1. Thought and thinking. 2. Self-actualization (Psychology) I. Title.
BF441.B6346 2013
158–dc23
2013027978
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 978-0-857-08464-4 (paperback) ISBN 978-0-857-08463-7 (ebk)
ISBN 978-0-857-08462-0 (ebk) ISBN 978-0-857-08461-3 (ebk)
Cover design by Simon Dovar
Introduction
Over 80 per cent of achievement can be attributed to having the right mind-set. In relation to making changes in your life, having the right mind-set means much more than simply recognizing that change is needed; it means accepting that change is always possible, wanting to make changes, and committing to doing whatever it takes to make those changes happen.
An individual's mind-set can make the difference between achieving their true potential in life or effectively getting stuck in a rut, unable or unwilling to move on from negative experiences that are now holding them back. The contents of this book offer a human engineered MOT, designed to help you identify your current mind-set and get you “on the road” to achieving the life you want.
The relationship that you hold with yourself determines the path that you will follow.
As you journey through these pages, you will explore the deep inner values you hold and question the embedded beliefs you have developed based on past experiences, before discovering the world of possibilities that opens up to you simply by learning to use your “true brain” and realizing the optimum ability of the human mind.
Throughout the book, I will be comparing the mental process of change to the physical process of building a temple.
These principles are:
As listed above, before any building work can begin, the ground must first be cleared in preparation for the setting of a solid foundation. Each new and progressive step in the building process – selecting the material, rounding the edges, setting the stone – can then rest on those firm foundations and a lasting legacy is created.
In addition, throughout each stage you will be asked to complete both tasks and thinking exercises. These have been engineered to trigger new and innovative thinking patterns and reach into the deeper aspects of your subconscious mind to question what you previously thought was possible.
There is a Bible story known as “The Parable of the Two Builders” that Jesus told to drive home the point that listening to his teachings and then ignoring what he said was foolish, like building a house on sand, but listening and then obeying his teachings was wise, like building a house on solid rock. A simplified version of the parable is as follows:
Two men want to build a house. One man wants the process to be quick and easy so he finds a convenient flat, sandy piece of ground and builds his walls directly on top of it without bothering to do any digging or any other form of preparation. His house was built in no time at all. The other man wants his house to last way beyond his own lifetime so he finds an area of hard ground on which to dig deep foundation trenches for his walls. His house took a long time to build and it was hard work, but it now stands on solid rock beneath the soil.
Fierce storms raged across the land; strong winds blew and flood waters rose. The house built on solid foundations stood firm but the house built on sand crumbled and was washed away.
So, by likening the process of change to the process of building a temple, you realize that if you want the changes you make to be lasting, you must begin the process by preparing the ground and laying solid foundations: foundations on which you can build a lasting legacy.
We live in a culture of “quick fixes” with everything from “buy now, pay later” to the “lose-50-pounds-in-5-minutes-without-exercising-and-eating-as-much-as-you-want” diets on offer. In our heart of hearts we know that anything that sounds too good to be true probably is, but the fact remains that many of us are subconsciously drawn in to the belief that we can have whatever we want and we can have it NOW. Of course, when the reality proves not to be quite as instant or effortless as “promised” we tend to give up on achieving the things we want, sinking into an attitude of “it's too hard; it takes too long; it's not for the likes of me” rather than looking for ways to prepare the ground differently and build stronger, firmer foundations for next time.
“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going”
Beverly Sills
The Parable of the Two Builders is as apt in today's world as it was in biblical times. It's a story of attitude and mind-set. The man who built on sand wanted a house, but he wanted the process to be quick and easy – a “quick fix” – so he adopted an attitude of “good enough” rather than one of “is this the best it can be?” His lack of preparation and unwillingness to put in the groundwork led to the efforts he did make being wasted efforts. This rings true for so many people in so many ways today … all those who settle for average, and all those who give up on achieving what they want at the first obstacle in their path. On the other hand, the man who built on rock also wanted a house, but he wanted a house that was the best it could be. Good enough was not good enough. He wanted a house that was built to last; a lasting legacy, and he was committed to putting in the necessary groundwork to create a solid foundation on which to build it … remember, over 80 per cent of achievement can be attributed to having the right mind-set.
My own story is one of building my own lasting legacy. I have journeyed from joining the Army straight out of school to owning several businesses and, over the past decade, personal development has become not only a career but a passion … an addiction. I have questioned age old therapies and built a foundation on what I consider to be the most effective tools; tools I have now turned into a change programme that has no name.
The information contained within this book is only as good as the person who holds it in their hands: the tools provided are only useful if implemented.
Step One
Selecting the Material
“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
If you want to change and have decided that enough is enough, then start with massive action today.
A definition of massive action:
Taking, not thinking about, but taking a focused step towards achieving your ultimate goal … and following it with another …
Massive action focused action, taken one step at a time.
One thing I decided early on is that we can either change or not: we can continually face obstacles and do nothing about them or we can learn ways to avoid them. Although I am unsure exactly when or where this decision was made, I know that making it has been one of the most influential conscious thinking patterns in my life, and possibly the reason for my success thus far.
How many times have you heard the phrases, “I can't change,” or “I don't know where to start,” or “It's too hard”? These are incantations we hear every day, all around us, and it begs the question; why do we resist change? Why is it that we resist change and put up with daily difficulties, struggles, and unrest instead: why is it that we put up with these things rather than making changes to create a happier, healthier life? The answer is quite simple; change is misconceived to be difficult. Change is not difficult. All it takes is an understanding of why you are resisting change and, armed with that understanding, you will be able to change your thinking within a split second, without any conscious thought; and changing your thinking is all it takes to change your world.
So why do we consider change to be so hard? My tried-and-tested theory is that it's not change that is hard but the ability to accept that what was done in the past was not the most beneficial way of doing it. Our biggest psychological challenge is not to change but to accept that the way we have responded to change in the past may not have been the most productive response. Change is a bespoke action. For example, just as we all have different strategies, methods, and approaches to making a cake in order to get the end result we want, the changes you need to make are specific to you, your circumstances, and the end result you want. Continuing to do the same things in the same way will bring you the same end results … if you want your cake to come out differently, you need to try a different method and approach when making it. Once we have accepted that whether or not to change is a choice, change can become a fluid, conscious choice, not something that happens as a result of pressure, resistance, or the feeling that things have gone on beyond what they should.
“You've got a lot of choices.
If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis
… try another choice”
Steven D. Woodhull
One thing to accept now is that your subconscious mind has the ability to radically change your thinking patterns through the slightest changes in your everyday language. These slight changes can have consequences that show the power of the human mind and its abilities to adapt to your thoughts. For example, look at the two statements below:
“I'm going to cut my coffee consumption and drink more water.”“I'm going to try to cut my coffee consumption and drink more water.”Which statement is most likely to bring the desired outcome? The inclusion of the word “try” in the second statement, although only a slight change, is enough to dilute the power of the statement enormously: either you are going to do it or you are not, try is neither one!
“Do or do not” Yoda
When you use the word “try,” there's already an expectation of failure in your thoughts. This creates an internal failure state which, when allowed to become the norm, will push your mind to achieve just that – failure.
Avoid making the assumption that life will not give you what you want or deserve because, in most cases, what you aim to get is exactly what you'll get.
Making a change can be easy once you know exactly what it is you really want to change, but failure to change can be very much like an internal prison; the real person locked inside, unable to exit, stuck within the boundaries of the body and unable to see the light emanating from the world of opportunities it holds. So how do we change this situation; how do we break out of the prison? The answer lies in changing your view of yourself and the world around you. Just as a prisoner will put pictures of the outside world on their cell wall to remind them of the positive things in their life, your mind will paint and put up pictures of your perceived failings on its inner walls to remind you of everything you see as negative in your life, thereby keeping you trapped in that world – unless you change what you see.
The importance of identity
Answering the question “Who are you?” gives you the material you need to begin laying your rock solid foundations. To give yourself the best possible start, your answer must describe the person you are on the inside, not the physical person others can see on the outside. Knowing who you really are, not who you think you should be, or who someone else thinks you should be, provides you with the all-important cornerstone on which to build a temple that will last; a lasting legacy.
When we look at some of the most successful people in modern culture, we often gauge their success by their wealth and material possessions. However, if we explore the inner mind of those with a truly remarkable legacy, we discover that their material wealth is merely a by-product of a much deeper, more admirable, attitude and approach to life. My wife and I have often discussed what we would like to leave behind as our lasting legacy, and for us this would not be physical belongings but memories. In our world, the true meaning of success is not found in accumulated material possessions but in the story of our life.
Take a moment now to create your own legacy statement. What, for you, represents the true meaning of success and how do you want to be remembered after you're gone?
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Keep in mind that your legacy may change, and that's fine. Each new stage in your life may change your view of the world around you, but the words you write above must be an accurate reflection of your thoughts and intentions today, now, in this present moment of time.
Think back to the person you were when you were at school …
How did you view the world then?How has your view of the world changed since then?The way you view yourself and the world around you today is based on your past learning. Just as you have learned to read the words on this page, your mind has learned how to read a version of your internal beliefs … but have your beliefs about the world changed?
“Things do not change; we change”
Henry David Thoreau
As we go through life, our learning processes progress with age and we begin to view things differently. The way you see things is based on the importance of those things to you in your life and the path you have taken. That path is determined by the pictures you have put up on the inner walls of your mind, and those pictures produce the behaviours we see as personality traits. The thoughts you hold in your mind are reflected in your reality, meaning that the person you are on the outside is a direct reflection of the person you are on the inside. Changing the images in your inner world has the power to generate instant changes in your outer world.
“A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life”
Muhammad Ali
The next time you are out with friends or meeting someone for the first time, spend a few moments observing not only what they are saying but how they are saying it. Around 55 per cent of everyday communication is non-verbal and our body language can speak volumes without saying a word. Pay attention to their behaviours as well as their words and consider how those behaviours may have evolved as a result of their past experiences. Listen also to their words and notice those they say with passion and excitement and those they say with a tone of negativity.
This way of processing a person is something we do every day without conscious thought. It is also the way you communicate with yourself, and it's what makes you strive to change or stay the same. The way you observe others is the way others observe you … you can change the way others see you by changing the way you see yourself.
“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly”
Henri Bergson
Yourworld, yourreality … but is it?
The way you view yourself and the world around you today is based on your past learning – this is true, but is your view of yourself and your world a true view? We all take in information through our senses – sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and sensations – but we don't all take in information from a shared environment or event in the same way. This means that your view or experience of an event is not necessarily the same as someone else's view or experience, even when in the same location at the same time. A good example might be the way two people describe a road accident they both witnessed. One person might describe the sounds they heard – the screeching of brakes etc. – while the other might describe the sights they saw – the colours of the cars etc. – and neither one has noticed what the other did, meaning they're unable to verify each other's version of events even though they both witnessed the same accident! We take in information differently so we experience things differently. Another example might be the shared experience of a new theme park ride … one person might describe the experience as the most exhilarating and fun thing they've ever done, while another might describe it as the most terrifying never-to-be-repeated experience they've ever suffered!
We all take in information from the environment and situation we're in, but we all process it differently. The way we process it is going to influenced by our past experiences; our past learning, and this is how we each decide how we're going to think about the experience or how we're going to act in response to the experience. The information we take in is effectively filtered through our existing memories and measured against our established beliefs, values, and attitude to life. We create a picture of the experience in our mind's eye and choose words to internally describe the way we “sensed” it to form an internal representation of the situation or happening in our own mind. In the above theme park example, the person who enjoyed the ride created a positive internal representation based on what they sensed, whereas the person who didn't enjoy the ride created a negative internal representation based on what they sensed. In other words, a positive internal picture of an experience generates positive feel-good emotions, but a negative internal picture generates negative “feel-bad” emotions, and this continues to be the case each time you recall the experience.
Our senses are believed to take in around 2 million bits of information per second, but we can only consciously process around 134 bits of information per second. This means that the huge amount of information we take in every second is being subconsciously filtered to help us sort the information we need to consciously pay attention to at any given moment. The filtering process can be explained through the NLP Communication Model:
