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- Herausgeber: RateABull Publishing
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020
Did you know that all guys are looking for the same two things? They can’t help it. It is what their brains have evolved to want. So, getting a guy to fall in love with you is simply a matter of giving him those two things, while avoiding the one thing that can destroy even the best relationship.
Written by relationship expert and internationally bestselling romance author C. Alex Anders, ‘Get Him to Fall in Love With You’ uses personal stories and the occasional bit of humor to explain how guys fall in love. Presented as a fun game with points and a winning strategy, ‘Get Him to Fall in Love With You’ will teach you how to get him to
not stop thinking about you, how to
stay in love with you, and how to
rekindle a relationship that has lost Its spark.
Although it can feel like it, falling in love is not a mystery. And, once you’ve learned how, you will know how to get into, and stay in the loving relationship that will make you happy for a lifetime.
_____
Did you know that all guys are looking for the same two things? They can’t help it. It is what their brains have evolved to want. So, getting a guy to fall in love with you is simply a matter of giving him those two things, while avoiding the one thing that can destroy even the best relationship.
Based on brain research by renowned Biological Anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, ‘Get Him to Fall in Love With You’ will teach you:
- What every guy is looking for from you
- How to give guys what they want
- Why the guy you want isn’t in love with you
- Why you have fallen out of love with them
- How to reawaken a stale relationship
- How to figure out what you truly want
- How to deal with heartbreak and become happy
Das E-Book können Sie in Legimi-Apps oder einer beliebigen App lesen, die das folgende Format unterstützen:
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Official Website: www.AlexAndersBooks.com
YouTube Channel: Bisexual Romance Author Vlog
Visit Alex Anders at: Facebook.com/AlexAndersBooks & Instagram
Table of Contents
Foreword
Preface
Chapter 1
Introduction
Chapter 2
What is Love?
Chapter 3
Love Chemicals
Chapter 4
How You Win the Love Game
Chapter 5
Gaining Points
Chapter 6
Losing Points
Chapter 7
How To Stay In Love
Chapter 8
Why You Aren’t In Love with Them
Chapter 9
Why They Aren’t in Love with You
Chapter 10
Tips and Tricks to Win the Love Game
Chapter 11
Figuring Out What You Want
Chapter 12
Figuring Out What You Like About Your Partner
Chapter 13
Figuring out What Romances You and Your Partner
Chapter 14
Revitalizing a Stale Relationship
Chapter 15
Know when to Concede Defeat
Chapter 16
Dealing with Heartbreak
Chapter 17
How to Give Emotional Support
Chapter 18
Wrapping up
How To Win The Love Game
Preface
I have something to confess to you. I have never been in a long term relationship. So, you might be wondering why I’m writing a book called ‘How to Win the Love Game’. That’s a good question.
The truth is that I have thought about this topic a lot. I have a long history of not winning the love game, and it was the frustration that I felt from constantly losing that made me sit down and figure out what it would take to win.
This book looks at love from a neuro-chemical perspective. Often times I will share stories about the things that I’ve done wrong and why it was wrong. And by reading this book, I’m hoping that you recognize some of your own behavior which prevents you from winning the love game. And I hope that this book puts you on the path to finding love and making better decisions about what you want.
But, before I get to the heart of the matter, I thought I would share with you my challenges with love. They involve a specific set of circumstances which, it could be argued, couldn’t have led me anywhere else but here, writing this book. In those challenges, you will see many of the concepts that will be addressed later.
My journey to writing this book had to have begun when I was 13 years old. That was when I hit puberty. That was also around the time that I discovered something about myself that would shape everything about the rest of my life. That was when I began to get signs that I was bisexual.
As a young black, boy growing up in the Bahamas (the country which once banded the movie ‘Harry Potter’ for being about witchcraft) wasn’t easy. It was well known that if the police caught two men kissing, they would beat them up for it. The homophobia was as bad as anywhere in the world, and my starting to have sexual desires for boys wasn’t a welcomed feeling.
What made my bisexuality even more confusing was what I would discover later. The truth was that no matter who I met, I never had more than sexual feelings for guys. I had had debilitating crushes on a number of girls along with some sexual feelings for girls. But my feelings for guys remained strictly sexual.
What did this mean? Was I gay because my sexual attraction to guys was stronger than my sexual attraction to women? Was I just a straight guy with wild oats to sow since I felt nothing emotionally towards men? Or, was I just screwed and doomed to either live a lie or to forever be alone?
Another issue which shaped my romantic life was something I’m sure that many of you can relate to. During my formative years, my parents’ marriage was falling apart. I witnessed a number of things that a boy my age should never have to experience while forming his self-image. And although I am grateful for everything that my mother has done for me, there is no getting around the fact that her treatment of father shaped the trust issues that I continue to struggle with today.
The final issue that has led me to the creation of this book is something that you probably won’t be able to relate to. It took me years to figure out, and once I did, a lot of things in my life made sense. I am what’s referred to as dopamine insensitive. Later on, I will deep dive into what dopamine is and how it relates to winning the love game. But for now, I will explain the way our body regulates this neuro-chemical with an analogy.
Imagine a music concert. On stage is the singer and she is singing into a microphone. Behind the scenes is a sound mixer. It is the sound mixer’s responsibility to ensure that the audience can always hear the singer, and that the music never gets uncomfortably loud for the audience.
To do that, the sound mixer sits in front of a sound board with a lot of sliding levers. One of those sliding levers is called the gain. When the singer sings a quiet song, the sound mixer pushes up the gain. When the singer yells into the microphone, the sound mixer lower’s the gain.
As any good sound mixer will tell you, you don’t continuously raise and lower the gain as soon as you notice a difference. A good sound mixer will listen and observe what’s going on for a moment. Once they have determined that the singer will be quieter for a continued stretch of time, they increase the gain. And once they have had to lower the gain, they are slow to again increase the gain to baseline levels.
Well, this is how our brain’s receptors work. When our body releases neuro-chemicals and hormones, our body’s receptors play the role of the sound mixer. When our body is flooded with excess amounts of a neuro-chemical like dopamine, our gain is lowered. And in the case of people like me who are dopamine insensitive, our sound mixers are quick to lower the level of our gain, while also being overly cautious about returning our receptors’ levels to baseline.
This condition results in a particular set of behaviors. I’m sure you’ve heard of adrenaline junkies. They are people who jump out of planes and take unnecessary risks. I’m sure you’ve also heard of drama queens. They are people who always manage to stir up controversy no matter where they are.
Both adrenaline junkies and drama queens are people who need more and more dopamine to feel normal. And once they lose their high source of dopamine, they will feel depressed, even if people without their condition would consider the same situation thrilling. These people are considered dopamine insensitive.
For years I was dopamine insensitive and didn’t know it. The first hints of it were when I was a sophomore in college. It was then when I began working as a professional actor. The pattern which developed was that I would get an audition and it would make me feel ecstatic. I would ride that wave throughout the audition process and the job. But as the weeks would pass without another audition, I would get more and more depressed.
If it took too long before the next call from my agent, things would get dark. I can remember times when I thought about laying on top of the sink and slitting my wrists until the life drained out of me. The thought would grow until my agent inevitably called again. After that, the exhilaration-darkness cycle would reset and the countdown to darkness would begin again.
After graduation from college, the source of my dopamine rushes changed depending on what was available to me. There was a time when I couldn’t get enough beach volleyball and racquetball. There was a time when I would ride my motorcycle at 40 mph between the cars on L.A.’s 405 freeway. And there were still other times when I experienced the same cyclical pattern with sex.
It was those three conditions, my bisexuality, my trust issues, and my dopamine insensitivity, which have prevented me from ever being in long term relationships. And, it is those three things that have led me to this book. Freud, the father of psychotherapy, didn’t research the mind because he was a well-adjusted person. He did it because he was driven to understand himself.
That, too, has been what has driven me to understand how love works. Without my bisexuality, my trust issues, and my dopamine insensitivity, I would never have been lead down the path to understanding. Now, thanks to what I’ve learned, I feel in control of my destiny instead of feeling victim to it. Now, I know what has prevented me from falling in love with the interesting, beautiful people that I’ve known, and what I have to do if I want the life I say that I do.
What you will notice as you read this book, however, is that not everyone needs to fall in love. Love is not the end-all, be-all of life. It is a series of chemical reactions in the body that feel glorious when you’re experiencing them, but inevitably evolve over time.
The power of this book is that it puts your destiny in your own hands. You can use the knowledge gained within to understand why you might not have fallen in love with the guy who seemed perfect for you. Or, you can use it to understand why the person you’ve fallen for hasn’t fallen in love with you.
Past that, you will be able to use the information gained within to increase your likelihood of finding love. You’ll be able to set up the best conditions for someone to fall in love with you. And you’ll be able to move closer to a state of peace about not being in a relationship although the world keeps telling you that you need to be in one.
Choosing to not play is another way of winning the love game. Because, as you will learn, love is simply a series of chemical releases. Those releases aren’t limited to romantic or sexual interactions. And knowing that is step one of how to win the love game.
Chapter 1
Introduction
My biggest pet peeve whenever someone is describing how to play a new game is when they don’t start off by stating the game’s premise. For that reason, I won’t assume that you have the same definition of love that I do. So, in the following chapter, I will do what poets and philosophers have tried to do for a thousand years, I will define what love is… or at least, what it will be from the context of this book.
Chapter 2
What is Love?
When people hear the word ‘love’, they think of a number of different things. They might think of the feeling they have for a family member. They could think of the feeling they get when watching their favorite sports team. Or, they could think of the feeling they have for their romantic partner.
All of these feelings are love and they share the same mechanisms that define romantic love. But, for the purpose of this book, we will define love as romantic love. And the feelings which define romantic love will be; that overwhelming desire to be with the person we are romantically interested in, while simultaneously feeling the heartache which comes from being apart from them. For the purposes of this book, that will be what love is.
As I’ve stated, all of the other forms of love include one of these two compulsive feelings. The love we have for a parent or child usually involves that heartache we feel when we are away from them. The love we have for a sports team involves the compulsion to be around the thing that brings you pleasure.
What I am describing as romantic love is more intense than either of these two experiences, however. That doesn’t make any other form of love less valid or less important. It just makes it different.
And if your current relationship doesn’t include those two compulsive feelings, it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with your relationship. It just makes it outside of this book’s definition of love.
Also, keep in mind that nowhere in my definition have I mentioned sex or sexual desire. A desire for sex does not define romantic love. Sure, you might want your relationship to include sex. But this isn’t a book about how to win the relationship game or the sex game. This book is strictly about how to win the love game, and you don’t have to want to have sex with someone to become overwhelmed by your desire to be with them while feeling heartache when they are not around.
