It's a Baby Girl! E-Book

The Gurian Institute

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 173

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2008

Beschreibung

Very practical science based tips and guidelines and stories for moms and dads of baby girls. Including:

• Why you need a book just about girls. The very different health issues, genetic predisposition, hard wiring, neurological and biological development of girls, including unique strengths and weaknesses.
• How to understand the core nature of your girl and nourish it through problems of crying, fussing, eating, sleeping, attaching and other key issues during the first 12 months of life.
• Warm hearted stories about girls and tips from real moms, and a preview of what's to come for girls as they become toddlers, preschool kids, pubescent and beyond.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Foreword

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Girls Really Are Different from Boys

How This Book Works

Chapter 1 - The Girl Inside You

Gene Talk

From Embryo to Baby Girl

Is Your Girl’s Brain Different from Her Brother’s?

Is Your “Girl Pregnancy” Different from a “Boy Pregnancy”?

Will My Girl Be Okay? Ten Simple Things to Do

What Else Can I Do for My Baby’s Brain?

Chapter 2 - Her First Year

How Your Girl Experiences Sight

How Your Daughter Experiences Sound

How Your Girl Experiences Smell and Taste

How Your Girl Experiences Touch

How Does Your Girl Learn to Speak?

Your Little Girl in Motion

Hormones Already?

Your Daughter and Her Female Parts

A Few Final Words About Dads

Chapter 3 - Gazing into the Future: Toddler and Preschool Girls

A Short Introduction to Toddler and Preschool Girl Brain Development

Steps to Pirouettes—Your Little Girl in Motion

Your Baby Girl’s Cognitive Development

Gender Stabilization

Child Care, Preschool, and Beyond

Chapter 4 - A Baby Girl Is a Family Affair! Circles of Support

The Biology of Mother and Father Brains

So What Are Two Loving Parents to Do?

Where Else Can You Find Support?

A Final Word

Sources

Resources for Parents of Girls

The Gurian Institute

About the Authors

Index

Copyright © 2009 by The Gurian Institute. All rights reserved.

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eISBN : 978-0-470-44111-4

Foreword

Congratulations! You have a brand new baby girl!

Having a baby girl will change your lives in beautiful ways that you could not have imagined until now. With your new baby girl in your arms, your home, your relationships, your day-to-day existence will flower as they never have before. To have such a child is to experience ecstatic joy and humbling awe at the miracles inherent in the universe.

As with every great thing in life, however, having a new baby girl presents challenges. Before you had your daughter, people may have smiled, “Life will never be the same!” Now here you are—life will never be the same . . . and a little help would be nice!

If you have received or picked up this book, you might be wondering

• How does one care for a baby girl in particular?

• What does this young daughter need?

• What are key developmental moments in her life?

• What are accurate expectations for her development?

• How are her needs the same as any child, and yet, also, unique to her as an individual girl?

All of us at the Gurian Institute are devoted to providing science-based and life-affirming answers to parents’ questions about how to raise their children. In this book, you’ll find information, wisdom, stories, and fascinating science about your developing girl.

Dr. Stacie Bering, an obstetrician who specializes in women’s health and child development, and Adie Goldberg, a clinical social worker who specializes in early childhood education, have culled through the best new literature (and best old wisdom) on raising girls in order to bring you this book. They have also infused this book with their own personal experience with patients. Between them, Dr. Bering and Ms. Goldberg have sixty years’ experience in helping families of young children.

Along with their experience and understanding, Dr. Bering and Ms. Goldberg are also Certified Gurian Institute Trainers. Thus they specialize in helping parents understand the individual needs of girls and boys. Boys and girls are similar, but they are also different. I hope as you read this book, you’ll be intrigued by how wonderfully similar and different they are.

Enjoy this book and enjoy your beautiful girl. If you can, share comments with us on www.gurianinstitute.com. We look forward to hearing about how your daughter is flourishing. The world needs her passion and purpose, and I know she will make you proud!

—Michael Gurian, president, the Gurian Institute

From generation to generation.To Jeffry, Cassie, and Zack,Emily, Maggie, Chloe, and Robb,andthe families who have entrusted their stories to us.

Acknowledgments

Baby girls grow best when there are more than their two loving parents involved in their care. Families thrive in a circle of support. This is the case when it comes to writing books as well.

Michael Gurian is at the core of the professional circle of this book. Last summer the phone rang and it was Michael. He said he had an opportunity. When Michael calls with an opportunity there is usually growth and a fair bit of work involved. Writing this book and its companion book for boys was just such an opportunity. Michael has a passion for making sure that girls, boys, and their parents are supported and informed as they embark on the parenting journey. We cannot begin to thank Michael for the advice, inspiration, and guidance he has freely given us. His generosity has not gone unnoticed.

However, vision alone does not sustain the writing of a book. Alan Rinzler, our editor at Jossey-Bass, assisted by his editorial team of Carol Hartland, Nana Twumasi, and Donna Cohn, moved us and the project forward with his editorial expertise. He has been more than patient with a pair of first-time authors. We have learned much under his tutelage and we can truly say that we are stronger writers at the conclusion of this project.

Over twenty years ago we began working together at WomanHealth, an OB-GYN clinic. Women came to us to share their concerns, fears, and dreams for and about their children. We offered advice despite the fact that we were still without children of our own. Five children later, we are wiser and humbled. We offer a special thank-you to the patients of WomanHealth who shared their lives with us. The staff at WomanHealth were patient with us over countless lunches. Their good humor sustained us, and their stories have made us both laugh and cry.

Pam Silverstein was the founding physician of WomanHealth. Her husband, Steve, and their children, Shayna and Josh, completed our families’ circle of support. We both cherish their wisdom, love, and loyalty, especially during this writing process.

Please indulge us for a moment as we acknowledge our own families, for they have taught us more than all the collected years of postgraduate education between us. Stacie would like to thank Jeffry Finer, without whom she would never have known the joy of parenthood, and her two children, Cassie and Zachary, who, even as young adults, continue to guide her in this on-the-job training that is the true nature of being a parent.

Adie would like to thank Robb for his computer knowledge, patience with the writing process, and his ability to still make her laugh at the end of the day. To her daughters, Emily and Maggie, who listened ad nauseam long distance, gave feedback on early drafts, and asked questions that continue to make their mother think, a mother’s thank-you and love. A special thank-you to Chloe, who, as the last of the littermates still at home, was asked to be the most patient with us as we wrote this book. She served as our memory bank, reminding us of stories long forgotten.

Our thank-you to each of our readers. You will continue to teach us and remind us that there is always much to learn.

Stacie Bering, MDAdie Goldberg, ACSW, MEd

Introduction: It’s a Baby Girl!

Congratulations! It’s a girl!

From the moment you found out you were pregnant, the wondering began. Healthy? Blond or brunette? Musician or scientist? Your family’s athleticism or your husband Harold’s sense of humor? Boy or girl?

You and Harold had the name list pared down to three of each. Your Aunt Tillie predicted a girl from the way you were carrying the baby and your neighbor confirms the prediction when she noted your craving for sweets. The next few months and years will reveal the answers to many of your questions, but the wonders of twenty-first century medicine have officially ended the gender-guessing game.

The reason you know now is that you are thirty-five years old. Your doctor ordered an amniocentesis to be performed at week sixteen of your pregnancy due to “advanced maternal age” (a phrase most pregnant women detest!). He explains that mothers over the age of thirty-five are at increased risk for carrying a child with Down syndrome or other rarer chromosomal abnormalities. At the time of the amniocentesis you were asked if you want to know the sex of your baby. At week eighteen, your obstetrician’s office calls with the results—a chromosomally healthy baby girl!

If you didn’t have an amnio, you might have discovered your baby’s gender at an eighteen-week ultrasound. With advances in technology and the ready availability of ultrasound machines, your doctor or midwife often orders a routine ultrasound during your second trimester to make sure that your baby is developing normally and that your due date is accurate. On that magical day, the sonographer shows you a beating heart, two arms, and two legs which happen to be spread apart so that you and your partner detect two unmistakable swellings (your daughter’s labia) between them.

Then again, you might have found out the old-fashioned way, seconds after giving birth, still gasping for breath, when your doctor announced, “It’s a girl!”

Whatever way you heard the news, we want you to know there’s a lot more brewing in your daughter’s body than the sugar and spice of nursery rhyme fame. It’s an exciting world of hormones, brain structure, and genetic propensities.

Welcome to the exciting world of parenting a daughter!

Since the birth of your new daughter, well-meaning family and friends have been full of special advice about girls, from the strange and mysterious to the clichés of conventional wisdom. You may have heard that

• Your daughter will be easier to diaper because you don’t have to point any anatomy downwards before fastening the tabs.

• Your daughter will be more dependent and less rebellious than a boy.

• Your daughter will be more emotionally expressive and complex than a boy.

And just when you breathe a sigh of relief, the experienced parent of a grown-up girl will remind you, “Just wait until your daughter is a teenager!”

Baby Girl Story

Rebeka walked into Sunday school, carrying her sobbing fourteen-month-old daughter as she sent her five-year-old son Joel off to the kindergarten classroom. Liz, another mother in the waiting area, turned to console her. Rebeka said, “I don’t get it. I majored in developmental psychology and I haven’t raised Susie any differently than I raised Joel. When he was mad at me, he’d pinch, throw things, and slap. He expressed his frustration with his body. Susie sobs these crocodile tears and seems to hold a grudge even though she’s too young to know what a grudge is!”

Girls Really Are Different from Boys

The latest research, using the most up-to-date technological hardware for scanning brains while the body acts, has shown us what role the gender of a brain plays in impacting human behavior. We have solid evidence that your daughter’s brain structure, genetic predisposition, and hormonal development all play a critical role in shaping your woman-to-be.

Your daughter’s girl brain, her body’s CEO, has been under a different set of construction plans than her brother’s since a few weeks following conception. As a result, your daughter will process information differently, perceive the world differently, respond with different behaviors, and set different priorities from her male sibling.

Even though common wisdom tells us it is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, one thing is for sure; by birth your daughter has already made up hers and it’s definitely the mind of a girl.

Advances in science have enabled researchers to peer deep inside the brain and actually film it while a subject is thinking and processing information, giving them new insights into how differently the genders store memories, make decisions, and solve problems.

Magnetic Resonance Images or MRIs (detailed pictures of the internal organs) are now able to map the human brain. Researchers have literally seen what we have always known. There are fundamental gender differences and they start in the very structure of the human brain. Studies show that males and females process information, listen, and experience events in very different ways. Functional MRIs (fMRIs) indicate which areas of your daughter’s brain are activated during various activities and events. Catch her brother doing the same activity and his MRI will often give us a very different picture.

What’s even more interesting is that if we took a slice of your daughter’s brain we wouldn’t be able to tell her race, ethnicity, or religion.

We could, however, confirm that this is a female brain!

Here’s what else we know about the differences between baby girls and baby boys at birth:

• Before you bring your daughter home from the hospital, the charge nurse in the nursery will be able to point out that she focuses longer on the talking faces around her than does the newborn boy in the layette next to her.

• Your daughter will simultaneously use both hemispheres of her more connected brain. There’s greater blood flow between the two sides of your daughter’s brain and as a result, she may be better able than her male cousin to multitask early in life.

• The newborn girls in the nursery feel more pain and discomfort than the blue-capped boys lying next to them, and they will let the nurses know it. And if someone drops a metal pan in the nursery, those same girls may cry out in irritation. If, however, one of those boys finally does get disturbed, it may be your daughter who is easier to soothe with soft cooing and gentle jiggling.

• Your girl baby has a differently shaped pelvis than the boys in the nursery, more body fat from the get-go, and a different way of processing oxygen in her muscles. This may give her less stamina than her male counterparts later on in life, but at least at the start, your daughter is in fact the hardier and healthier sex.

• BABY GIRL BRAIN FACT •

Different from Birth

Doctors say, “A newborn girl is the physiological equivalent of a four- to six-week-old boy.” This difference is due to the genetic make up of boys and girls. Two Xs are, at least in utero and at birth, better than one. The X chromosome carries immunity factors, and the female infant’s chances of survival are increased by having two X chromosomes. If there’s a problem with one, she has an alternative to draw from.

Despite the reassurances that, in the beginning, girls may be queen of the survival mountain, you may still feel insecure, confused, and consumed with worry. You have important questions. The playpens, formula, and rigid feeding schedules that your parents and grandparents swore by are remnants of the past. You are raising a daughter just at a time when there has been an explosion of brain research with scientific advances. What are you supposed to do with all that information?

• BABY GIRL BRAIN FACT •

A More Connected Brain

Unlike males, females rarely experience in utero hits of testosterone that shrink the developing centers for communication, observation, and processing of emotion in the fetal brain. As a result, a girl’s potential to develop skills in these areas are better at birth than a boy’s. A girl’s brain sprouts more connections in these areas. Because of her larger communication center, your daughter will most likely grow up to use more words than her brother.

How This Book Works

As a parent of a girl, you’ll find this book is designed to help you navigate the journey of your daughter’s unique brain structure that is made up of sugar and spice, estrogen, and everything nice.

Some of the journey may surprise you. For example, our friend Liz came into work one day frustrated, trying to figure out what Julie, now ten months old, wanted. Julie had let Liz know from the beginning that she wouldn’t tolerate a wet diaper. She wouldn’t stop crying until Liz dried her thoroughly after her bath. This morning, a new behavior emerged. Every time her bib was wet with cereal or milk spilled from her tippy cup, she screamed until Liz produced a clean one. By the third bib, Julie was done eating and Liz began to wonder what she had done wrong in her attempt to raise a resilient little girl.

Don’t worry if this happens to you, too. We hope this book will help you be the best parent possible to your baby girl as she starts out in the world. We don’t intend it to be the complete guide or last word on all the details of baby care, but what is special and unique about this book is that we can tell you what’s unique about having a daughter. Each chapter contains boxes which include real-life “Baby Girl Stories” and “Baby Girl Brain Facts,” with the latest in scientific information and professional advice.

So here’s how it works:

Chapter One will guide you through the biology of your pregnancy. You will discover how DNA and hormones interact to shape a girl’s development. We’ll try to demystify the secret drama of human chromosomes, genes, and brain development that unfolds in utero. In addition to looking at what is going on with your daughter, we’ll update you on the most recent research regarding nutrition, the effects of hyper-stimulating the fetus, the impact of stress, the use of alcohol, drugs, and nicotine, and the role of exercise during pregnancy.

Chapter Two begins with a quick review of how biology and environment work together during the first year of your daughter’s life. Every sensory experience your newborn has is shaping the way your girl’s brain circuits are being wired. Each time your daughter has a new experience, she is creating new connections in her brain. Each experience, like an electrical signal, passes on a message. The more messages, the more repetition, and eventually neural roads form. Through this process, learning is taking place and her brain becomes “hardwired.”

For years, folks have debated the role of nurture versus nature in the shaping of a newborn. Many favored the importance of nurturing, arguing that people are molded by the outside influences on their brains. The pressure can be overwhelming for parents who struggle with the potential power of this type of influence. Advances in brain research and neuroscience, however, have given us evidence that your daughter’s brain has its own nature, that it’s programmed by genes and evolution to function in a certain way, and that much of this will happen no matter what environmental influences you bring to bear.

Baby Girl Story