Journey from Head to Heart E-Book

Nancy Oelklaus

• Herausgeber: Loving Healing Press
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 405

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2008

Beschreibung

Journey From Head to Heart is...
A Toolkit for those who are exhausted from solving neverending problems, working harder and harder and not arriving at the destination where they truly want to be. A Map for how to make the journey from head to heart and then integrate the two so that the power of ego is diminished and the Authentic Self can emerge to live and work from the power of the human spirit. A Reference book you can use for many years to come as the reader meets life's challenges with success that satisfies both the head and the heart.
Journey from Head to Heart is exactly that, integrating logic, reason, emotion, spirituality, recovery, science, and ancient wisdom from a variety of sources to create a recipe for wholeness. The tools and processes are designed for people who are a little wary of "touchy-feely" or "New Age" approaches.
Praise for Journey From Head to Heart
"For beginners on a spiritual voyage, as well as for experienced travelers, Journey From Head To Heart is very powerful. I couldn't put it down. Its stories, told with clarity and simplicity, make it a treasure."
--Dr. Linda O'Neal, Executive Director, Southwest Education Alliance
"This book is for people struggling with work/life balance, for entrepreneurs, for those seeking their authentic purpose in life and work. It lays out a plan to get ego out of the way, lead with humility, and communicate so that others are attracted to your cause."
--Dick Moeller, President St. David's Community Health Foundation
"What separates this book from the majority of self-help manuals is the author's awareness that many people in today's world neglect to acknowledge the importance of personal faith and spirituality in the growth process, and in turn, are unable to integrate their actions with their beliefs."
--Lisa Heidle, Rebecca's Reads
For more information, visit www.HeadtoHeart.info

Leseprobe

Journey from Head to Heart:Living and Working Authentically

Nancy Oelklaus

Copyright © 2008 Nancy Oelklaus. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other-wise, or stored in a retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the publisher.

First printing March 2008

_________________________________________________________

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Oelklaus, Nancy, 1943-

   Journey from head to heart : living and working authentically / Nancy Oelklaus.

    p. cm. -- (Spiritual dimensions series ; bk. #7)

 Includes bibliographical references and index.

 ISBN-13: 978-1-932690-43-9 (trade paper : alk. paper)

 ISBN-10: 1-932690-43-3 (trade paper : alk. paper)

 1. Self-actualization (Psychology) 2. Self-realization. 3. Authenticity (Philosophy) 4. Spiritual life. I. Title.

 BF637.S4O38 2007

 158--dc22

2007037851

Distributed by: Baker & Taylor, Ingram Book Group, Quality BooksLoving Healing Press5145 Pontiac TrailAnn Arbor, MI 48105USA

http://www.LovingHealing.com [email protected] [phone]

_________________________________________________________ Loving Healing Press

Praise for Journey from Head to Heart

“What separates this book from the majority of self-help manuals is the author's awareness that many people in today's world neglect to acknowledge the importance of personal faith and spirituality in the growth process, and in turn, are unable to integrate their actions with their beliefs.”

—Lisa Heidle, Rebecca's Reads

“For beginners on a spiritual voyage, as well as for experienced travelers, Journey from Head to Heart is very powerful. I couldn't put it down. Its stories, told with clarity and simplicity, make it a treasure.”

—Dr. Linda O'Neal, Executive Director,Southwest Education Alliance

“This book is for people struggling with work/life balance, for entrepreneurs, for those seeking their authentic purpose in life and work. It lays out a plan to get ego out of the way, lead with humility, and communicate so that others are attracted to your cause.”

—Dick Moeller, PresidentSt. David's Community Health Foundation

“I wish every teacher would read this, as well as anybody who works with people. It should be required reading for school administrators. The subject is heavy, but the book is easy to read. It has good rhythm and balance. The first few sentences will grab you. Once I started reading, I couldn't put it down.”

—Dr. Donna NicholsonSuperintendent, Trinity Charter Schools

“[She] has written a very honest book about speaking the truth in love and in writing this work she has effectively so mediated the Spirit that most, if not all, her readers will be inspired to consider growing toward becoming a living expression of the truth she models in her reflection upon her own life and in her keen articulation of her research and its assimilation. It's an excellent and powerful work. Moreover, it's a gift.”

—Dr. Bob Lively, authorA Walk with God through Forgiveness

“This is a book to not only read but to be digested and utilized. The tools presented are both practical and effective in bringing about a change in communication skills.”

—Ron Mullen,former mayor of Austin, TX

“Journey from Head to Heart provides critical insight for those who desire to find greater purpose and meaning in the journey of life. She has an amazing gift that she utilizes daily to help people find discover a more meaningful in the journey of life! A must read for anyone serious about enhancing their daily living.”

—Paulette Schwartz, Minister of Pastoral CareRiverbend Church, Austin

“One of the things a reader wants from a non-fiction book is illustration. Nancy's book is full of good examples of the life lessons she gives.”

—Rev. Gordon Smith

“Journey From Head to Heart is profound, challenging our assumptions about what can and cannot be changed; and addresses not just interpersonal relationships, but changing corporate cultures in ways that call forth the best in employers and employees, producing productive, healthy, and happy members in the work place.”

—Judith K. Johnson, MSE, MA

This book is dedicated to Lois Marie and Anne Marie,from whom I learned my toughest lesson;to Harlan, Brett, DeAnn, Todd, and Scotti,from whom I learned the irresistible power of a forgiving heart;and to Dad.

Table of Contents

Table of Figures

Index of Poems

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 – Wayfaring to Wayfinding

Transition from Wayfaring to Wayfinding

Wayfinding

Find Fellow Wayfinders

Chapter 2 – Leave the Pain

The Energy Analysis®

Energy in Systems: Neuronal Connections

The Impact of Leadership

Chapter 3 – Transforming Negative Energy

What's the Whole Truth?

The Whole Truth Letters

Transform Defects to Shortcomings

Chapter 4 – Tune into the Voice

A Heart That Watches and Receives

What Happened to Me

What Happened to Her

A Letter from God

Chapter 5 – Draw Your Circle

What People Truly Want: Wayfinding

My Experiences with the Circle

Prelude

Chapter 6 – A Different Kind of Fire

Failing with “As”

Three Love Stories

Igniting the Fire

Transcendence

Putting the Golden Rule to Work

Conclusion

Chapter 7 – The Power of Speaking from the Heart

Energy of Love

Words from the Heart

Divinity of the Heart

What We Learn with Our Hearts, or Not at All

The Wisdom of Silence

We Don't Take Time to Solve Our Problems

Importance of the State of Relaxed Alertness

Say Only What Truly Needs to Be Said

Chapter 8 – Practice Humility

How Ego Forms

What Happens When Ego Shatters

Role Models

Your Highest and Best—The Authentic Profile

Chapter 9 – Thread the Eye of the Needle

Workplaces Where People Thrive

From Victims/Victimizers to Learners

Acceptance and Willingness

Ego Forged Through Wayfaring

A Tool for Transcending Ego

The Missing Piece of Leadership

Conclusion

Chapter 10 – Throw away the Chart and Tune In

Intent Changes Attitude

Assumptions Lead to Expectations

The Authentic Self

The Place Where Truth Lives

Meeting Standards While Developing Potential

A True Story about Ego's Domination

Tune in to What?

Chapter 11 – Set a Boundary and Set Yourself Free

The Problem

Setting a Boundary

Becoming Free

Another Way of Becoming Free

Rewrite of My First Five Years

Why We Must Rewrite the Story

Freedom

Chapter 12 – Use the Toolbox

Ask, Release, and Wait.

Love Letter

Sayings That Steer My Course

Bibliography for My Life

Listen

Apply the Principle of Matching States

Affirmation

Precision in Language

The Circle: a Focusing Tool

Where, Within Me, is this Flaw?

Goal Setting with Blockage Removal

Accountability Partner for Goal Achievement

Shred It

Afterword

Guide for Wayfinders’ Meetings

References

Suggestions for Further Reading

Suggestions for Further Viewing

About the Author

Index

Table of Figures

Fig. 2-1: Person on antidepressants

Fig. 2-2: Person on with major life stressors

Fig. 2-3: Linda's first analysis

Fig. 2-4: Linda showing increased capacity over time

Fig. 2-5: Janie after verbal attack

Fig. 2-6: Neuronal Connections

Fig. 2-9: Authentic Profile of Leader #1

Fig. 2-10: Energy Analysis of Leader #1

Fig. 2-11: Employees of Leader #1

Fig. 2-12: Employees of Leader #2

Fig. 3-1: Character Defects vs. Shortcomings

Fig. 4-1: What the Voice Said to Me

Fig. 5-1: The Circle

Fig. 6-1: Maslow's original 5-level pyramid

Fig. 6-2: Maslow's new 8-level pyramid

Fig. 8-3: Average Brain Weight by Age

Fig. 8-4a: Example of an Authentic Profile

Fig. 8-4b: Example of an Authentic Profile

Fig. 8-5: Construct the Timeline of Your Life

Fig. 9-1: Right-hand Column, Left-hand Column

Fig. 9-2: Threading the Needle

Fig. 11-1: How Neurons Make Connections

Index of Poems

Touch Me, Too

Junctures

Protection

Self-Deluded

Hitting Bottom

A Prayer for Transformation

A Meditation on Lightning

Sunset #1

Love, Not Adore

Silence

Possibilities

“The Tables Turned”

Communion

Child

“If”

I Know My Name

Free To Be Me

Gods

Spears

Bumper Car Words

Turn Into The Slide

Do It Anyway

Preface

It was my ego that stood one morning on the jagged rocks jutting into the Atlantic Ocean and prayed to the winds to let me work with the best, smartest people in the world. But it was God who answered my prayer and led me, head bowed, to a 28-day treatment program for addiction. I expected to land on a prestigious university campus, not in these remote hills. My books—even my journal—were checked at the door, and I began to experience the life-changing model developed by Liliane and Gilles Desjardins (www.higherpower.info). I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict. Oh alright, for a two-year period I was overly dependent on painkillers and sedatives, but I was free from those drugs, as well as the debilitating migraines that had driven me to take them. I was not, however, free from the disease of alcoholism that had ravaged my family for generations. The manifestation of disease in my own life was workaholism and codependence, so I ended up in a residential treatment program, “invited” to attend by my husband, who loved me enough to tell me that I needed help and here is where I could get it. As I experienced the Desjardins‘ unconditional love, I found, for the first time in my life, the power of simple acceptance, which I described like this:

“Rushing water is the only sound I hear, punctuated by the occasional call of the cardinal atop the tallest tree and the swish of light wind through the tall pines. My eyes follow the sound to the cantilevered boulders and terraced pools that guide the water's path through this place that bridges mountain and valley. Cool droplets glance my shins as I jockey, positioning my body for the best view. But there is no best view, precisely why I feel so safe in this place.

“Here, I know I will not be abused by someone's idea of what I need to do to be the best. My laurels don't matter. Neither do yours. No measuring. No comparing. No pertinent questions: ‘Why don't you [do this]? Why can't you [do that]? Have you ever thought about…?’ None of that. Just peace.

“No leapfrogging or catapulting here. Every rock has its unique place in the water‘s glide and fall. Every tree. Every fallen leaf and insect. Every patch of sky and wispy cloud.

“So I come here in silence, in reverence, and in the serenity that knows.

“I am accepted.

“Simply accepted.”

To this point, my greatest handicap in life had been that I appeared attractive, smart, and strong. I looked as if I had it all together, so most people left me alone. But in this place, when I checked in, they discovered I had a hearing problem and had left my hearing aids at home because they needed cleaning. So, for the first class I was respectfully escorted to a seat with earphones wired to the ceiling. Someone gently placed them over my tired ears. What relief! I was so grateful I almost cried. Listening was easy. For the first time, I didn't have to strain to read the teacher‘s lips.

A few years later, an audiologist explained to me that the type of hearing loss I had, which she called a “cookie,” was hereditary. I was born with it! The line graph she showed me revealed a normal pattern until the lines suddenly dropped, as if someone had taken a bite out of a cookie. For the first time, I understood why I read lips so well; why I am such an intent, focused listener; why I always sat near the front in my classes; why my parents used to say, “Do you hear me!?” when I didn't immediately obey.

As I yielded to the imperfection of a hearing impairment, I relaxed. Completely relaxed. Maybe for the first time in my life.

Growing up, what I had learned about love was very confusing. I had taken refuge in school and church. But even in these places I learned that to get approval I had to meet someone else's expectations, which I now realize was conditional love. (i.e. you meet my conditions, and I give you love.) In effect, I made those people and their beliefs my gods.

But in this beautiful, remote place, for 28 days, I lived in an environment in which no one was a favorite. It seemed that everyone was getting what he or she needed. For the first time in my life, the alcoholics were not getting more attention than I was. There was no one I needed to please. It was an amazing difference from what I had experienced out there in the real world. Yet, this new world was also real. I learned that if I didn't follow the rules, I would be corrected gently, with respect. But I would be corrected. I would not be overlooked.

Here, all my books, even my journal, were taken from me and locked up. For 28 days, I was not to exercise my mental faculties. Instead, I was to open more of my emotional and spiritual being. Long hikes were encouraged, and beautiful trails made them enjoyable.

I learned how dependent I had become on books. Some people might even call it an addiction. In a sense, books had also been my gods. If I had a problem, I went to the bookstore or library—not to the chapel to pray. But here I could learn simply by sitting and being quiet. I learned that I didn't have all the answers for other people, even when I thought I did. I learned that I suffer from the “halo effect“, the notion that I have to be better than everyone else, making a god of my own image of myself. I learned that all addictions grow from four roots: control, security, suffering, and sensation. I learned about “process addictions,” like addiction to work, exercise, relationships, Internet—even books! I experienced the miracle of witnessing someone (my roommate) finding God for the first time.

Based on watching what areas of the brain activate when stimulated by spiritual language and images, neuroscientists have identified what some call the “God spot.” It's in the right hemisphere, the same part of the brain that wordlessly appreciates art and creation. As one of my clients put it, “Once that God spot lights up, then I can see the tiny lights along the trail leading me forward.” Some say we are “hard-wired” for a relationship with God. Frankly, I don't care about scientific or religious debate that attempts to establish what God is, where God is, who is going to heaven, or who is right. What I care about is living my life as fully as possible. Within me is the capacity, if fleetingly, to leave my ego and be one with God. Those are moments of grace. When they occur, I am at my best. People come. They want me to teach them. As I teach them, I learn and my life continuously improves. This book contains many of their stories. The names I've used are fictitious, to preserve anonymity. As I live out my life, I want to spend more and more moments in a state of grace. That is all.

Touch Me, Too

The sunrise hourI spend with me.

Waft of newborn air,Constancy of trees,And fresh bird calls—

From a distance.

Gradually the light of dayEnfolds the slumberous hillAnd gentles it toAwakening.

Then it comes alive—Moves.

I rise from myWhite, warm piles,Walk boldly to the edge,And say to the sun,

“Touch me, too.”

Introduction

Contact (1997), a movie adaption of Carl Sagan's 1985 novel of the same name, announced a new frontier for explorers. In the movie, Jodie Foster plays the role of an astronomer named Ellie who receives significant funding to erect huge satellite dishes, like stethoscopes, to “tune in” to deep space and listen for signs of life. The central question of the movie asks if there is other intelligent life in the universe, and a refrain goes, “If it's just us, it seems like an awful waste of space.” After an agonizingly long period the sounds begin to come, like a heartbeat, and scientists put the pieces of the puzzle together. In the aggregate, these signals give instructions for building a spacecraft for one person to travel to the heart of the universe. With federal funding the spacecraft is built, and ultimately Ellie is selected as its pilot. Along the way she has fallen in love with Palmer, an author and theologian played by Matthew McConaughey. While she has faith in the pursuit of truth through science, he has faith in the pursuit of truth through God.

At the launch the movie focuses on what happens to Ellie. She is shaken, catapulted, rattled, and hurtled through fantastic light shows with dramatic speed. The compass locket that Palmer has given her is shaken loose and she extricates herself from the chair to retrieve it, symbolically choosing love over her own personal safety. She loses consciousness, and when she awakens she has landed on a calm, perfect beach with white, white sands, lapping blue water, and gentle breezes. Through the plasma-like substance that surrounds her walks her father, as she remembers him from childhood when her love affair with space began as together they tuned into faraway voices on his ham radio. Ever the skeptical scientist, Ellie realizes he isn't real, to which he answers, “We thought it would be easier for you this way.” When she asks, “Are there others?” her dad replies, “Many others.”

“Why did you contact us?” is her next question.

“We didn't contact you; you contacted us,” was his reply. His bottom-line message to her: “In all our searching, the only thing we find that makes things bearable is each other… This was just a step. When you're ready, you'll take another. Make small moves. The most important thing is to keep searching for your own answers.”

When she alights from the spacecraft with only a small facial wound, Ellie finds a dismayed crowd of witnesses who tell her the spacecraft never took off; instead, it crashed into the ocean. Moreover, they said her trip had lasted only a fraction of a second while her estimate of time elapsed was eighteen hours.

Of course, since the project was federally funded there was a Congressional hearing, with Ellie caught in a dilemma. On the one hand, she was a skeptical scientist. On the other hand, “I had an experience I can't explain. It was real. It changed me forever. It made me realize how tiny, insignificant, great, and precious we are. We are not alone. I experienced awe, humility, hope.” As a scientist, she believed that everything could be explained without the existence of God, but through this experience she had stepped into a spiritual dimension unlike anything she had ever known. She was torn between what she knew from academic, scientific discipline, and what she knew in her heart as true. Thus conflicted, and in the face of no tangible evidence, she is discredited using the argument of Occam's Razor, a medieval scientific principle that affirms that, all things being equal, the simplest explanation has to be the right one. The simplest explanation said this space journey was a hoax.

Palmer, man of faith, is the only person on Capitol Hill who believes her. Her experience aligned with what he knew to be real. He said, “As a person of faith, I'm bound by a different covenant, but my goal is the same—the pursuit of truth.” At the end of the movie, the two of them drive off together—perhaps a symbolic marriage of science and faith—as a crowd representing the 80-95% of people in the U.S. who believe in God look on.

Bruce Lipton (2005) is another person who found God through science—the science of cellular biology. It startled him to realize that it was the environment, not the genetics, of the cell that controls it.

“The nature of the cell's membrane that was ‘downloaded’ into my awareness'. convinced me that we are immortal, spiritual beings who exist separately from our bodies. I had heard an undeniable inner voice informing me that I was leading a life based not only on the false premise that genes control biology, but also on the false premise that we end when our physical bodies die… At that astounding moment [I] came to realize that the protein ‘switches’ that control life are primarily turned on and off by signals from the environment… the universe” (p. 184).

God is Truth. God is Love. God is Light. God is the Great “I AM”. The Dalai Lama has affirmed that the new frontier is the journey within, and that assertion is echoed by the enormously successful DVD, The Secret (2006). The chorus for transcendence is growing larger and louder.

Rabbi Michael Lerner (2006) avows that the so-called Red States are not Far Right strongholds; rather, they are the voice of the heartland calling out for meaning, which the Far Left has not given for fear of casting their lot with the right-wingers.

Increasing numbers believe that it may be possible to “slip the surly bonds of earth,” in the words of John Gillespie Magie, Jr. in his poem High Flight, “…and touch the face of God.”

How does one make this journey? How does one know where to start? How to steer? What to take along?

This book is a guide for the journey.

“Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, and gravity, mankind will harness for God the energy of love. Then, for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire.”

Teilhard de Chardin

1Wayfaring to Wayfinding:From Measuring Up to Accepting Grace

Wayfaring

Grandmother used to give me graham crackers to munch on in church to keep me quiet. In her church—or any other at that time—there wasn't much to interest children. But I was a fairly calm child so I did a lot of listening, especially to the hymns. I remember one that went, “I am a poor, wayfaring stranger, traveling through this world of woe.” The idea is that here on earth we walk dusty roads as wayfarers, lost from our homes. Around us is sin, woe, and all manner of unpleasant experiences. But if we'll just hang in there eventually we'll get to a different place—heaven presumably, although the word is never mentioned—where we'll see our deceased loved ones and then we'll be “…over Jordan… home.” When we find that heaven, we will be dead according to this hymn.

Well, I've done my share of wayfaring. That is I've learned what is needed for success in this world, as I define success. First, I learned to walk, feed myself, dress myself, talk, and then read and write. Along the way I learned how to keep myself reasonably safe and get along with other people reasonably well. Also, I made reasonably good grades in school and completed advanced degrees. I've held responsible positions without ever getting fired and have led efforts for change. People familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (see p. 87) might say I reached the level of Self Actualization, or becoming all that I could be.

At one time—not too long ago—I read as many as five books a week in a quest to know more. At other times I became very confused about which road to take. In my darkest time, I woke up living a life I hated—violating even my own principles, values, and standards for living. I had gotten lost while wayfaring. I had read the “signs” incorrectly.

The idea of having to die before I can reach anything resembling a state of joy and peace isn't very attractive to me. I began to feel very strongly that there must be more I could do right here on terra firma to improve my state of mind and find a more meaningful purpose for my life. So I took stock of myself.

Junctures

Junctures—that's what they are—The intersections of lifeWith no street namesAnd no road numbers—

Or different road numbers.Is this A2?Or is it N11?Or are they the same?

And where the hell am I,Anyway?

At a juncture—On the roadway of life.

Do I go on?Or turn back?

I was a performer. If people wanted to get something done, they asked me. Do you know what people do for performers? They applaud them. So I had received much positive reinforcement for doing what other people wanted me to do—so much so that those other people had, in effect, become my gods.

My life was out of balance. According to Loehr and Schwartz (2003), the human system has four sources of energy: physical (including health, food, exercise, rest), mental (where I had overdosed), emotional, and spiritual. I discovered that I had “shut down” my emotional system many years before in order to avoid pain. I have learned that the emotional center of the brain doesn't have “switches” for every emotion. Instead, it has one master switch labeled “emotion.” So when I unwittingly told my brain to turn off pain, it heard, “Turn off emotion.” I even used to take pride in the fact that people could not hurt my feelings.

Some people say we change only out of pain. This was true for me. As I look back at the poetry that flowed so freely at the time, I remember the pain.

Protection

Pins can't penetrate my business suit,Not even for beauty's sake.Sharp LinesDr. ExecutiveNo AdornmentEverything PerfectBusiness Suit ProtectionFrom Pain.

Years after I wrote this poem, when I found myself longing to buy new clothes but unable to find anything in the stores that was different from what I already had, I hired a wardrobe consultant to help me. Her first step was to interview me about what I did in every part of my life—personally as well as professionally. Then we went to my closet to find what was there to fit my needs. After a morning of sorting, I discovered I had very little in my wardrobe that was suitable for relaxation and recreation. Three large plastic lawn bags of excess professional clothing went to Goodwill. That afternoon I returned to my office and began returning telephone calls. In the middle of one call I was overcome with nausea and felt that I might faint. At that moment, I recognized the symptoms of withdrawal and realized that I had overdosed on my addiction to clothing. Unable to find the sensation or “high” that I had previously reached from a new outfit, I had, just as alcoholics do, “bottomed out.” I just no longer got a kick out of going shopping as I had before.

Self-Deluded

How self-deluded can you be?Sister, let me tell.

Anesthetize yourself with workAnd get your kicks from migraines.

Insulate yourself from friends,Pretending you don't need them.

Alienate as many as you canSo they don't get close.

OD on food or clothes or pills or sleep,Pretending that you need them.

How self-deluded can you be?Sister, let me tell.

Why don't more people make needed change? Throughout history there have been fewer pioneers than settlers. Shakespeare offers this explanation, transposed from Act III, Scene I of Hamlet: “Thus… [what we know] makes cowards of us all—and makes us rather bear the ills we have than to fly to others that we know not.” A scientific term for the phenomenon Shakespeare describes is inertia—the tendency of a body to keep on doing what it has been doing.

Hitting Bottom

I bottomed out.I hit the wall.And no one even knew.

My face was the same—My hair—My hands—

The work went on, And I smiled.

Although I was very active in my church, even my spiritual life wasn't spiritual; it was superficially religious with the same intellectual approach that I had learned so well in school and that served me well in my career.

I began to realize I had to make a change when I drove into a parking space at 7:30 on the first morning of a new project. Early morning is my best time of day and I love new beginnings. Yet, on this morning when I normally would have been full of energy and excitement, I heard an inner voice say, “I am sotired.” For the first time this voice got my attention.

The next time I “heard” my inner voice, I was driving home from work in the late afternoon. This time its message was more disturbing. “If you don't get out of here, you're going to die.”

Simply stated, I had been living someone else's life. Whose life? The life of the woman I thought I ought to be based on some notion of what was acceptable to other people. But this woman I had concocted was not in alignment with what was in my soul, and some perceptive people saw the symptoms of my pain—allergies, debilitating migraines, workaholism. Increasingly, something inside told me things had to change. Granddaughter of one of the last pioneers who settled the territory that is now called Oklahoma, I felt the strong pull of my ancestry to leave that which was comfortable, secure, and safe to venture into the unknown.

A Prayer for Transformation

Freight trains are heavy, important, on track.They're noisy and fearless and prompt.They carry the freight that runs the world.And they're indispensable.

They're hunched from stuffed cases;Their planners are full.Respected, revered, and admired.You can count on them solid to get the job done.

Sailboats are open and friendly and free—Flowing with current, catching the wind,Eyes to horizon and on,Gliding toward vast father sky.

A sailboat is what I aspire to be,But can there be metamorphosisFrom steel rail to white wind?What cocoon—will do?

So I struggle on the banks,Magnets in my pockets,Pulling me toward important tasks.But the sail in my soul wants the wind.

Beneath my pain, I was yearning for a better life for myself and those I loved. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. When our yearning grows from love, nothing can stop us. Pain may be an incentive or a byproduct of breaking the barriers—but if we love, we are safe.

In a segment of Family Ties, the television show that catapulted Michael J. Fox to stardom during the 1980s, the character of Alex P. Keaton asked, “How do you know if you're good?” The clearest answer he got was, “You know if you're good from what other people tell you.” But this answer is incomplete. Which other people? If people are giving you conflicting information, which ones do you listen to? And what about the danger of becoming dependent on other people to the detriment of listening to your own inner voice?

On a journey of self-discovery how do you know if you're on the right track? Out of all the self-help books, spiritual teachings, and conflicting religious beliefs, how do you know which ones are right for you?

Not through wayfaring, but through wayfinding.

A Meditation on Lightning

I drove out of the car lotOnto rain-slick pavement,Gently gliding that gray LincolnToward almost-exhaustedGray clouds.

It was our last dance,And the skiesThrew silver streamersAt forked angles—In celebration.

This was the car I drove to freedom,And I grasped—hard—The padded, elegant wheel,Wanting not to turn loose,

Knowing it was time For us to part.

I needed You then, And You were there.

Transition from Wayfaring to Wayfinding

To make the transition from wayfaring to wayfinding, I stopped looking to other people for affirmation. I stopped following prescribed courses of study or career paths. I started paying more attention to the voice within and sought the solace of nature.

Sunset #1

Soft, end-of-day lightBeyond the hillsBeckons my soul fullyTo sense, feel, and know.

With the kind guidance of Mother Nature, I began to feel safe enough to release all the pent-up emotion that I had blocked for decades. It came out of me in cascades of grief and anger.

Love, Not Adore

Please don't adore me—Not even admireOr deign to call me “bright.”

Now, I don't want scornedOr rejectedOr dumb.

But “adore” is so distant.“Admire” lacks warmth.And bright? Well,

I'd rather be close,Accepted, and loved.

Can I be brightAnd be loved?

After I stopped being a wayfarer looking to people, work, places, and things for meaning, after I accepted the humanity of my own deep feelings, after I started observing Nature and listening to her voice, I became calm enough to become a wayfinder.

Wayfinding

The Hawaiian Islands rose from the ocean floor, through volcanic activity over a period of hundreds of thousands of years. When they appeared in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, of course, they were uninhabited. They were lava. They were more remote and isolated than any other archipelago on earth. Yet, by the time Captain James Cook arrived in 1731, people had been living on the islands for generations. Where did they come from? Their ancestors arrived in these islands long before they had the compasses or sextants that had aided Captain Cook and his crew. What tools, then, did they use, besides sheer courage?

The people who first found the Hawaiian Islands most likely came from Asia, Indonesia, and Africa, navigating unknown waters with paddles and canoes, using the ancient art of wayfinding that had been passed down through the generations. Simply stated, the wayfinder knew how to read the stars, the winds, the waves, and the behavior of such animals as dolphins and seabirds to determine where land was. They knew the time of year and the time of day when the winds would be most favorable for sea travel—and the direction in which they were blowing. Memorizing the star pattern in the sky at the time of their departure, they kept that pattern in mind to know how far and in what direction they had traveled. Uncertain of exactly what they would find, they envisioned an area where they most likely would find land, in much the same way that a golfer tries only to get onto the green before aiming directly at the flag. Similarly, once they got close to land, from the behavior of birds and the nature of the water, wayfinders could find the land.

Similarly, the wayfinder on a journey of self-discovery also learns to receive feedback that lets her know whether or not she is staying on course to reach her goal. Following are the feedback sources I learned to trust:

Insight from Contemplation and Journaling. When I began the practice of contemplation, I called it “meditation,” not knowing the difference between the two. The practice I have today has evolved. In the beginning, I was terrified to look so deeply within, so at the suggestion of a friend, I followed Steinbrecher (1988). I remember the Saturday morning vividly, when I finally found the courage to try the technique suggested in the book. As I remember, the method was something like this: Close my eyes. Imagine I am going into a cave. I turn slightly to the right, then make a “hard left.” Go through the door that is there and wait for a guide to come and lead me. Expecting the worst, I entered the cave of my mind, turned slightly to the right, then made a hard left and slowly, hesitantly, went through the opening that was there. In my mind, I opened my eyes. In reality, my eyes were closed, but as the eyes of my heart opened, tears coursed down my face. I was looking at the most beautiful beach I had ever seen—blue waters, blue sky, gentle breeze, pristine sand. Looking down, I immediately spotted my guide—a happy, chattering crab, scurrying toward me, smiling at me, and beckoning me to follow.

That was how I began the practice of meditation. My experience was beautiful and peaceful. I realized the innermost part of me was sheer joy. For the first time in my life, I knew that the universe is a friendly place.

Since that time, my practice has changed as I have changed. What I do today technically is not meditation, which is meditating on a scripture or a phrase. Instead, I practice contemplation, which is emptying myself to be in the presence of God, alternatively writing and listening. Today, I simply sit quietly and let my mind settle. I “listen” to my inner “guidance system,” known variously as the “still, small voice“ or “soul“ or “Holy Spirit.” Some mornings, it has nothing to say. Other mornings, it does. I journal what my inner voice says. I trust it. I act on it.

Silence

I extinguish all the voices.I turn out all the lights.I lie down and listen to the silent silence.I hear the silent drip of raindrops,The silent call of wind.The silent course of teardrops.The silence of the void.Then from the silent silence, I hear a silent voice.

Readings. In earlier times, I read as many as five books a week in an effort to stay current. I no longer do that. Instead, I read when directed by my inner voice. I consider carefully what other people—even people I admire—tell me I “must read.” Instead, I'm more likely to pick up a book after contemplation and open it randomly. Or, after seeing a book often referred to, I consider that it might be something I want to learn about. After I've seen the reference three times, I buy it. Now I am reading books about people I would like to become more like. When certain passages resonate within me, or stir my heart, I know they are teaching me what I need to learn at that moment. This same voice informs me concerning other media—movies, television shows, plays, musical performances. But I'm also free to turn off the voice and simply enjoy anything I choose.

People I Trust. Fortunately, there are a few people who want the best for me, who understand my life's path and goals, and who act as a mirror for me when I need a reality check. Often, I simply tell them what has happened and ask them to tell me what they heard. If I'm acting out of anger, they tell me. If they hear sadness or despair, they tell me. If I am violating my own principles, they tell me so. I heed what they say. As I learn and change, I accept new advisors who have experienced what I want or something close to it. If you choose to become a wayfinder, find others to go on the journey with you. Become each other's trusted advisors.

Art. The art I am attracted to often shows me where I am on the path. For example, early on my journey, I was on the highway, traveling back to where I live. I was driving west, into the sunset, which is sheer beauty and delight for me. But on this day, my inner voice said, “I want to go home. But I don't even know where home is.” Not too long later, visiting the Museum of Modern Art in New York City, the painting I was most drawn to was Christina's World by pre-Raphaelite artist Andrew Wyeth. This painting shows a girl on the ground, crawling and reaching toward a house that is still some distance away. This experience let me know I was still pretty early in the journey.

Nature. In a sense nature, like art, has exactly the right lesson for me. My job is to sit, look, listen, experience, and pay attention to what my heart is doing. Often, my inner voice delivers the message from the experience I'm having, as illustrated by this story, which appeared in The Systems Thinker (2006):

“This morning as I sat on the deck, sipping a mug of coffee, listening to morning sounds and delighting in the coolness that promises summer won't last forever, I spotted two wrens in the tree between our neighbor's deck and ours. For some unexplained reason, this tree has shed leaves throughout the summer; now, only the tips of the branches are green.

“Before I see the two birds, I hear them. First a melodic, ten-note song. Then a shorter, monotone trill. My eyes follow my ears, searching the bare branches for the source, which turns out to be two small wrens. The wren on the tree's right sings. The wren on the tree's left emits the monotone trill. They repeat their duet. Then again. And again. Over and over again.

“Same species. Two completely different sounds, but clearly connected to each other. They continue for several minutes, their timing impeccable, as if flawlessly following a composer's invisible score. Then, after a long pause, they change the order of their songs. The second bird starts first, with its monotone trill, followed by the first bird's melodic, ten-note song. ‘So,’ I thought. They know their part, and they sing their part, only varying the order in which they do it.’

“As they flew away, I realized that, since they are the same species, either bird can probably sing either part, depending on some unknown “signal.” But they can't “sing the part” of cardinals, because they are wrens, limited and defined by a narrow set of characteristics and capabilities that are described in only 14 lines of print in Peterson's Field Guide to the Birds of Texas. Wrens follow patterns. That's all they can do.”

Thinking, “There's a story in this,” I went to my computer, intending to write it. But first, I checked e-mail and discovered there was more to the story than my experience with two wrens. This message from a client was in my inbox:

“I've realized that I have lived most of my life feeling miserable, and I think I'm too comfortable with that. Comfortably uncomfortable. It's a pattern. The truth is, I don't want to be miserable—to create drama and crises. Every time I take steps forward, I discover old footprints that reveal a little more about myself. Not pleasant, but good to be aware of so that I can step in a different place and not just keep retracing the old. I know that I want to be content, fulfilled, and peaceful. To get there, I have to make it simple. I'm stepping forward, slowly.”

When we are young and impressionable, patterns form within us, from our experiences. As we grow older, we repeat those patterns, both the patterns we love and the patterns we hate. But within each of us is an Authentic Self—the person we are in our hearts—the Truth that transcends the patterns. When we choose to live, think, speak, and hear from our hearts, we transcend limiting patterns. Wrens can't do that, but people can.

The client who e-mailed me the message above has decided not to be defined by other people's actions and behaviors. She has decided to be the person who is in her heart. Her first steps are tentative, unsteady, as first steps always are. But the heart is the home of courage, so slowly, inexorably, she moves forward to live the life she truly wants.

If Alex P. Keaton asked me, “How do you know if you're good?” my answer would be that I don't focus on whether or not I'm “good.” What's more important to me is this question, “Am I in alignment with the highest and best intent for my life? Where am I in my journey? What feedback am I getting?”

Feedback from Nature

My friend Jane told me the following story about feedback that came to her from nature, encouraging her not to give up and assuring her that, in the long run, everything would be alright.

Jane knew that all had not been well in the school district before she agreed to be superintendent, but she had no idea of the extent of the problem until six weeks after her arrival, when the business manager brought three fat portfolios to her office that implicated board members in illegal activity. Because the district desperately needed new school buildings, Jane decided to wait to act until after a bond election, which passed. She did, however, call the board president to inform him of what she intended to do, giving him time to think and the chance to turn himself in. Immediately after the successful bond election, she again called the board president to tell him she was on her way to the district attorney's office. This time, he told her she would be fired, adding, “The only way you can save your job is to sleep with me.”

Jane realized, in addition to the legal issue already in front of her, she would also have to file a sexual harassment lawsuit, to add to the turmoil. As if that weren't enough, her husband had suffered a closed head injury a few years earlier and now, disabled, was losing his sanity.

In the midst of the quagmire, Jane took solace walking the land she and her husband had bought in this breathtakingly beautiful part of the country that belied the corruption and difficulty she had found there. On an especially stressful day, she walked all the way to the back of the land, along a small creek swollen by a recent rain. She sat on a rock, looking at the rushing water, crying out to God, “Why am I in this mess? What am I supposed to learn from this awful experience?” When she opened her eyes, she saw something she had never seen in that little creek before—three minnows, swimming frantically in a small whirlpool. “They must have come from the waterfall created by the rains,” she thought to herself, and they can't figure out how to get out of here.” Then she turned her head, looking up to the wider creek just beyond the small whirlpool. At that moment, she heard a voice within. “Like these minnows,” it said, “if you just stop fighting and go with the current, there's calm water ahead. You can't see it, but I can.”

Ultimately, she was fired by the malfeasant board, despite the outcry of the community. But after that, through community petition, five board members were ousted from the school board. When community leaders asked her to return to the superintendency, Jane declined. The work she had come there to do was done. It was time to move on. Today, her husband deceased, she lives peacefully in that calmer water, in a different state, doing work that she loves with people she respects and who respect her. She is thriving.

The voice that Jane heard—the voice that I hear—is available to anyone who is willing to listen. Some people, like Annie Robinson, call it intuition. Annie Robinson came into my life late. In fact, I almost missed her. She taught the art and science of intuition to a devoted following. One of the stories told at her memorial service was this one, from her daughter. In her last days, Annie kept having dreams about digits that were all the same, like 111 and 555. These dreams kept recurring, night after night. It was only after her death that their meaning became clear. The time recorded on her death certificate was 5:55.

Right up to the end, her inner voice was telling her where she was on the journey. Eventually, she understood.

So it is with all of us. Our work is only to listen.

The wayfinding explorers memorized the star pattern of the night sky on the day of their departure. This memory gave them information about how far they had traveled. So it is with the wayfinder on this journey. But it isn't the stars that we remember—it's the people in our lives when we began the journey and the degree of pain we were feeling.

Most often, journeys of self-discovery begin with pain. It seems that someone is there to inflict the pain, and others are present to comfort you—even, perhaps, to guide you. At some point, you'll realize that a similar situation is happening and those same people are present. You'll also know, from the difference in how you are thinking, feeling, and behaving, that you are different. Your pain has lessened or disappeared altogether. You have changed. Compassion has replaced repugnance. Self-confidence has banished victimization. Love has uprooted hatred. Beauty has made ugliness disappear. Faith has overcome fear. Your world is bigger; your God is larger.

The ancient Hawaiians relied on star patterns to guide their way. Our stars are the constellations of people who help us gauge our progress. Who are your “markers”? Where are you on the journey?

Possibilities

Possibilities swirl like whirlpools or supernova.I watch, puzzled, to know which frame to freeze or seize.

Then realization comes.

Jump in and ride the watery, starry rings through the spiral,To find the point.

Find Fellow Wayfinders

Genuine success is creating and living a life that aligns with who you truly are. The purpose of this book is to provide a little information, awareness, and many tools that make success possible. People who choose to live the life that is truly theirs make a commitment to speak from their hearts, work the process with rigorous honesty and purity of intent, and be authentic.

Palmer (2000) writes about the importance of “inner work,” noting,

“If people skimp on their inner work, their outer work will suffer as well… We could spread the word that inner work, though it is a deeply personal matter, is not necessarily a private