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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
Mad About Money will help you to make sense of your life if you are neurodivergent or suspect you might be.
Maddy, a 40 year old mum of two, has had her fair share of struggles with money, life and business without always understanding why. With her ADHD and Autism diagnosis, everything suddenly made more sense, and she has used her diagnosis to improve her life. Mad About Money: Managing finances (and life) with ADHD is not your typical money book, it is an unfiltered, honest, sweary and inspiring journey through the life of an undiagnosed neurodivergent woman. Award-winning writer and CPD-accredited neurodiversity specialist , money and business coach Maddy Alexander-Grout walks you through the story of her life. By sharing her own difficulties with money, spending, and debt, she shows you how to apply the lessons she learned in climbing back from over £40000 in consumer debt. But this book is not just about money, it's about the struggles she has had along the way as an undiagnosed neurodivergent with ADHD, Autism, Dyspraxia and more.
This book will give you actionable tips to navigate life as a neurodivergent, manage your money, learn to understand your brain and make sense of your past, especially if you are, or suspect you, are neurodivergent.
In the book:
- Applicable strategies for managing your money, parenting , mental health and starting a business as an undiagnosed neurodivergent
- Tips for managing your ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions
- Strategies for how to deal with a range of financial challenges—including debt and spending addictions—when you're neurodivergent
An essential read for anyone who is neurodivergent or suspects they might be, especially if they have struggled with money and life up to now. Mad About Money is empowering, insightful and the perfect read for anyone who feels misunderstood in a world designed for neurotypical people.
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Seitenzahl: 419
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025
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Table of Contents
Cover
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Foreword
Acknowledgements
Preface
Introduction
Chapter 1: Just a Girl
WHO AM I?
NAVIGATING SCHOOL
Notes
Chapter 2: The Kids Aren't Alright
BOYS, BOYS, BOYS
THE FALLOUT
Notes
Chapter 3: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
FIRST LOVE
CRAMMING AND EXAMS
TURNING MY WORLD UPSIDE DOWN
Chapter 4: Butterfly
ADJUSTING TO A NEW WAY OF LIFE
Chapter 5: Don't Let Me Get Me
THE START OF A VERY SLIPPERY SLOPE
A GROWING SPENDING PROBLEM
WHAT TO PUT IN YOUR BUDGET
CHANGE YOUR MINDSET
HEAD IN THE SAND
WHEN DOPAMINE GOES WRONG
ADDICTED TO SPENDING
USING CREDIT CARDS FOR GOOD
Notes
Chapter 6: I Just Wanna Live
WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN THINGS GO WRONG?
Chapter 7: Move Along
ADVICE FOR HANDLING RELATIONSHIP BREAKUPS
SLIPPING BACK INTO OLD HABITS…
Chapter 8: Swing Life Away
HOW TO TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU'RE IN DEBT
ACCEPTING HELP
HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD WHEN THEY'RE IN DEBT
Chapter 9: Spiralling
STARTING OVER
UPS AND DOWNS
Chapter 10: I Want You
Chapter 11: End Transmission
Chapter 12: What It Is to Burn
LOSS AND SOUL SEARCHING
THE VALUE OF PROTECTION
REBUILDING MY LIFE
REBUILDING YOUR CREDIT RATING
Chapter 13: The Middle
ANOTHER SETBACK
ADHD AND THE STRUGGLES WITH EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONS
Note
Chapter 14: Weightless
THE REALITY OF STARTING A BUSINESS
RISKS AND SELF‐EMPLOYMENT
Note
Chapter 15: Patience
THE HARDEST GOODBYE
FINDING YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF
Chapter 16: It Must Be Love
BUILDING A NETWORK
ACCEPTING THE TRUTH
SEARCHING FOR A PATH
Chapter 17: Feeling a Moment
BUYING A HOME
MOVING IN
NEW YEAR, NEW ME, NEW BULLSH*T
Chapter 18: Learn to Fly
THE REALITY OF PRENATAL DEPRESSION
PREPARING FOR THE BABY ARRIVING
PAYING THE ADHD TAX
A DRUNKEN NIGHT OUT WITH AN UNEXPECTED ENDING
Notes
Chapter 19: I'm With You
OUR NEW NORMAL
LOSING MYSELF
Note
Chapter 20: Heartbeats
CASE STUDY: WHEN COMPLAINING WORKS
Notes
Chapter 21: Go Your Own Way
FINDING MY PURPOSE
FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH
Note
Chapter 22: Drunken Lullabies
GETTING AWAY
ROUND TWO…
HOW TO TAKE MORE TIME OFF
Chapter 23: Everybody Wants to Rule the World
RIDING THE WAVE
HOW TO NAIL GOAL SETTING (WITHOUT GIVING UP AND WITHOUT BEATING YOURSELF UP)
Chapter 24: Believer
THE NEW ARRIVAL
OUR LITTLE MIRACLE
Chapter 25: Beating Heart Baby
TRUSTING MY GUT
Chapter 26: Cannonball
OUT FOR THE COUNT
Chapter 27: Mountains
STRANGE TIMES
Chapter 28: Blinding Lights
PUSHING THROUGH
CRASHING DOWN
HARD TIMES
Chapter 29: Beautiful Way
Chapter 30: Iris
PLUMMETING BACK INTO DEBT
AT A CROSSROADS
Chapter 31: Dancing Queen
Chapter 32: Find Me
GETTING AWAY
MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIPS FOR SELF‐CARE
Chapter 33: What You Know
LIGHTBULB MOMENTS
MAKING IT OFFICIAL
TIPS FOR DIAGNOSIS
FOCUSING ON MY FAMILY
Chapter 34: Keep Your Head Up
FINDING MY CALLING
OVERCOMING THE DOUBTS AND HATERS
ADHD AND ENTREPRENEURSHIP
REMEMBER, YOUR BRAIN IS DIFFERENT
HOW TO START A BUSINESS WHEN YOU HAVE ADHD
LOOKING UP
Chapter 35: Fix You
MOMENT OF TRUTH
FINDING ADDITIONAL SUPPORT
A NEW LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING
ANOTHER REALISATION…
BECOMING VISIBLE
Chapter 36: Maybe
A CONSTANT LEARNING JOURNEY
ALL OR NOTHING
Chapter 37: Overcome
MOVING FORWARD WITH POSITIVITY
LOOKING TO THE FUTURE
Resources
The F**k: Glossary
About the Author
Index
End User License Agreement
Guide
Cover Page
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Foreword
Acknowledgements
Preface
Introduction
Begin Reading
Resources
The F**k: Glossary
About the Author
Index
Resources
End User License Agreement
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Mad About Money
Managing Finances (and Life) with ADHD
Maddy Alexander‐Grout
This edition first published 2025
© 2025 John Wiley & Sons Ltd
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ISBN 9781394299737 (ePub)
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Cover Images: © G C Sabini‐Roberts, © nupixel/Shutterstock, © elchinarts/Shutterstock, © Maman/Adobe Stock
Author Photo: © Katie Needle
For my Bear, Ben and Harri.
Foreword
Like Maddy, I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until much later in life – I was 42 when I received my diagnosis. With all of the recent awareness online particularly towards women's ADHD, I knew that's exactly what I had been experiencing all my life but I was still shocked when I was diagnosed. Learning how to manage my ADHD but also finally being on the correct medication rather than having a ton of antidepressants thrown down my neck, it's safe to say that it's been life‐changing.
Like Maddy, I also went the long way around when it came to getting a diagnosis, which involved making some pretty bad decisions in my life in my 20s. You may have even read about it in the papers at some point in the early 2000s!
I developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, I got into a lot of debt, I had broken relationships and a 19‐year battle with my mental health. It was as though I had become a 90s popstar cliché! In 2020, I had, had enough! It was time to completely change my lifestyle. I quit drinking, went plant‐based and took up running, which was the beginning of my journey to a happier and healthier life.
Changing my lifestyle meant I could manage my mood so much better – I had more energy and had more clarity. I wasn't chasing quick fixes from alcohol and food anymore and having the extreme highs and the brutal lows. However, I did notice, if I didn't work out I felt empty and low, frustrated, extremely scatty and generally a bit lost, just like I had done all my life. Therefore, I kept throwing myself into running challenges and gym classes, which in turn was having a detrimental effect as I was often ending up with burnout.
When I started perimenopause, all my ADHD symptoms highlighted, even when I was running and going to the gym. I spent a year shaming myself and beating myself up for my mishaps and not being able to regulate my moods. I went for blood test after blood test to see if this was the menopause, but every time it came back that there were no signs of hormone change. Just as Maddy did, I disappeared into hyperfocus‐fuelled online research and discovered an incredible community of people with ADHD – thank goodness there are people out there sharing their stories.
This meant I could finally get the diagnosis I had frankly needed all my life! When the psychiatrist announced the words ‘I can confirm you have inattentive ADHD’, I went through a short period of being angry that this hadn't been picked up sooner. Especially considering I had been in and out of my doctors for 19 years trying to understand my anxiety and depression, desperately trying to get them to understand that antidepressants weren't right and was it something else I was experiencing? It's even come to light that my ADHD gets worse when I'm hormonal and this can be the case for many women – it was horrific when I was pregnant and postnatal.
I am passionate about people getting diagnosed early, to save the pain, confusion, shame and heartache I endured for 42 years. Through this book and her own content, Maddy is on a similar mission.
We both know what it feels like to feel as though you don't fit into the world as everyone else sees it. We know how damaging that can be for your self‐esteem and confidence. And we want other people to get the support they need to embrace their ADHD traits and live amazing lives where they work with their brains, not against them.
This book isn't just for people who have ADHD, or suspect they do. It's also for anyone who lives with or knows someone with ADHD. You'll learn a lot about how to support an ADHDer in your life by reading this, and you'll get a much better understanding of the condition and all its nuances.
So, read Maddy's story. She has shared an incredibly honest, open and brave account of her life with you in these pages. Along the way, she shares a host of valuable tips and advice to help you on your own journey to better understanding and managing your ADHD.
I only wish there had been books like this available to me when I was younger.
Singer, Actress and Performance Coach
Suzanne Shaw
Acknowledgements
For my family and friends who have supported me unwavering through my life, my diagnosis, my permanent oops mode* and writing this book.
For my Invisible To Influential members who cheerlead me in everything I do.
For the specialists who helped me with tips, and generously contributed their advice. Without them, this book wouldn't have been possible.
Thanks to Marie Edwards, who created the full‐page illustrations in this book, G Sabini‐Roberts, who is responsible for the logo, image and cover designs, and Katie Needle who took the fabulous photo of me that's included on the back cover.
And for every single one of my followers on Mad About Money Official who give me my daily dopamine hits.
Preface
Hi, I'm Maddy and I am a money, business and social media coach for people who have invisible conditions. I spent my life feeling like a failed horse when, really, I was a beautifully normal zebra. I just didn't know for the first 38 years of my life. I felt like I did everything wrong all the time.
I have what I describe as a fruit bowl of neurodivergent conditions:
ADHD: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which is characterised by patterns of inattention, impulsivity and sometimes hyperactivity that interfere with daily life.
Autism: a spectrum disorder which affects how you communicate, interact socially and process information.
Dyslexia: this primarily affects reading and language processing, making it difficult to spell, read or recognise words accurately and fluently.
Dyspraxia: this affects motor coordination and planning leading to challenges with physical tasks and sometimes speech.
Dyscalculia: this affects your ability to understand and work with numbers, often impacting mathematical reasoning and basic calculations including money.
Dysgraphia: this involves difficulties with writing and affects handwriting, spelling and organisation.
Oh, and discombobulation (OK I made that one up).
I also have an autoimmune disease (a condition where the immune system mistakenly attacks the body's own cells and tissues), I'm perimenopausal (the transitional phase before menopause when a woman's body begins to undergo hormonal changes leading to the end of her reproductive years), I have PMDD (premenstrual disorder – a severe form of premenstrual syndrome and a chronic condition that causes intense physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms in the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle), and half the time I don't know if I'm coming or going. I have bright hair, sometimes it's rainbow, sometimes pink, sometimes blue. The only thing I change more is my underwear!
I'm always the one doing crazy stuff; starting a new business, dancing on a bar on a night out, and accidentally going to a fetish club. Yeah, that happened once! I'm going to tell you my story. Strap in! It's bumpy. I am also going to talk to you about how my neurodivergent conditions have shown up in my life. I was diagnosed with most of them when I was 38; I'm 40 as I write this! And it's eye‐opening. Before my diagnosis, I didn't feel like I fit into this world. Now, I absolutely love my life and my brain.
I'm a huge music fan and all the chapters are dedicated to the songs that remind me of times in my life. Everyone has a soundtrack to their lives and a mixtape that captures their personality. The titles for these chapters are part of mine. If you want to listen along you can download the playlist from Spotify here:
Those of us with ADHD often listen to the same song on repeat because this helps us focus and maintain our energy, as well as giving us an immediate dopamine hit. A familiar song provides predictability and control in our environment, which creates a sense of security and can be really grounding. I've certainly found that listening to a familiar song on repeat helps me get into a flow state and avoid decision fatigue and procrastafaffing*.
This book was produced in collaboration with Write Business Results Limited. For more information on their business book and marketing services, please visit www.writebusinessresults.com or contact the team via [email protected].
Trigger warning: This book contains my story, which includes sexual assault, rape and suicidal thoughts. I also talk about prenatal and postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis. It’s important that we talk about these difficult topics, but if any of those are too much for you, just skip the relevant sections and read the rest. There’s a trigger warning in the relevant chapter too, just so you know when the hard stuff is coming up.
Introduction
It's important to know that this book isn't just about money. It's about life, relationships, business, family and more. It's my ADHD journey.
But although I have ADHD, this is not my defining characteristic as a person. There are many things that make up ‘me’ – ADHD and my other conditions are just a few of them. I'm also a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a business owner, a TikTok creator and so much more. So, while I own my neurodivergent conditions, they don't define me.
That said, they have had an impact on me my whole life. A big part of my story is about money. No matter how you look at it, money makes the world go round, and whether you have none of it or lots of it, money affects everything around you.
There are usually two types of people when it comes to ADHD and money. The people who hyperfocus know exactly what they are doing and are living life on full blast. And the people who spend dopamine get caught with ADHD tax, struggle to manage money, never have any of it, can't hold down a job and are always looking down the back of the sofa to find a coin for the supermarket trolley. I was the latter.
If you have neurodivergent conditions and money problems, you are not broken. It's really hard to manage money as a neurodivergent, especially when you don't know you are. This is a story of me and undiagnosed ADHD, how I got into £40,000 of debt – and how I got myself out of it. I don't hold back. I talk about my failed relationships, my failed businesses and my messed‐up life before realising I was neurodivergent. It's also a story of how my neurodivergent conditions have shown up for me over the last 40 years, warts and all.
I have to tell you early on, I'm an oversharer. I'm about to get mega vulnerable with you guys. In fact, writing this book feels like I'm getting naked in front of not just you, but an entire stadium full of people! I had this realisation while at a Foo Fighters gig at Wembley, where I was trying to get an endorsement for this book from Dave Grohl (spoiler alert, he didn't get back to me).
This book will make you laugh, it may make you cry, it will teach you to be better with your money and neurodivergent conditions. If you don't have money problems, you will still find this book useful. I hope it will inspire you to achieve your goals and realise that if I can start smashing life, you can too.
I have what I like to call a fruit bowl of neurodivergent conditions, but I haven't always known about them. Despite the word money being in the title of this book, it is not a boring money book. Far from it. It will help you to be better with money. It may even help you to start a business. It will definitely help you if you have or suspect you have a neurodivergent condition.
I'm hoping you will relate to it and learn a thing or two on how to thrive when you are neurodivergent whether it's with money, business or life. Because this book is written for people who have (or suspect they have) ADHD, I have written it in a way that either you can hyperfocus on it and read the whole thing, or you can just pick out the tips you need by flicking through. Whichever way you do it I hope you enjoy it and find it useful.
There are tips scattered throughout the book and you might notice some of them seem to be the same. That's because sometimes we need repetition for the message to get through.
I've also reached out to a whole host of experts in different areas, and they have kindly provided tips and advice specifically for this book. I'm not an expert in everything, and I've found other people's support invaluable on my journey, so I wanted to share that with you too.
This book comes with a warning: I don't sugarcoat things, and sometimes the only way to describe life's chaos is with a well‐placed f‐bomb or two. I know that navigating business, money, and life's struggles can get messy, frustrating, and downright ridiculous. So, to keep things real – and a bit colorful – I've put together a ‘fuck glossary’.
Consider it your go‐to translation guide for all the creative, sweary language that captures the ups, downs and WTFs we face along the way. Hopefully it'll make you laugh too! So, when you see a word or phrase pop up followed by a *, flip to the glossary and get the lowdown. Think of it as a f**k‐filled dictionary that keeps things interesting and reminds you that it's OK to embrace the messy, unfiltered journey.
And man has my journey been messy at times. It's also been traumatic in places, so be aware that I will talk about difficult topics, including sexual assault, rape, depression and suicidal thoughts throughout this book.
Chapter 1Just a Girl
This song is super powerful, and it makes me feel empowered, it made me feel like I wasn’t just a silly little girl.
Before we get to the age where I was rocking out to No Doubt, I'll tell you a bit about my childhood, which, in all honesty, was great. I grew up in a quiet village called Over Wallop. It's in the middle of nowhere, and it didn't have much in the way of amenities – a little shop with a post office, a phone box and a cricket field.
Village life was far from riveting. There were no bright lights or big cities in my childhood.
My parents were loving and my sister Rebecca and I never went without, although I think at times they did struggle for money. My mum worked in IT and my dad was self‐employed, and they both worked really hard.
My dad owned his own business and worked as a rubber merchant at a rubber factory where they made products like matting, hoses and gaskets. Unfortunately, kids hear rubber and think ‘condoms’, so I often got teased about it. Our surname, Comrie, didn't help either – apparently it sounds like condom, so I was given the nickname ‘Maddy Condom’ around the age of nine, which is pretty scarring for a child, even though at that age I had no real idea of what a condom was!
I know that compared to so many people we were really privileged. We lived in a bungalow on a little hill next door to a farm. We had a huge garden with loads of space to run around.
My parents each had their own cars because they worked in different locations and, as I'm sure you can imagine, a village as small as ours didn't have a particularly regular bus service.
That's a broad picture of what my really early life looked like, but what was I like?
WHO AM I?
I wasn’t a particularly hyper kid, not a problem child. I did have loads of energy and I bounced from one activity to another. I think by the time I was about eight years old, I had tried every hobby and musical instrument that my parents could afford to let me try.
Flute, recorder, violin, bass guitar, piano, clarinet – you name it, I'd probably had some lessons and then moved on before making much progress. But my hobbies weren't restricted to music. I also tried trampolining, judo, gymnastics, pottery and horse riding. None of them stuck. I just changed my mind all the time.
My parents were amazing and were very understanding about my many hobbies. They worked hard to provide for me and my sister, they were present, they were loving and they supported us in every way possible. The thing is, like many parents of children in the 1980s and 1990s, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) wasn't on their radar, and it certainly wasn't a condition that people expected girls to have.
I doubt it ever occurred to my parents that I might have ADHD or any other condition that I talk about in this book. If you're reading this and you're a similar age to me, it's highly likely that your parents were in the same situation. There just wasn't the research or information available to educate us even 20 years ago that we have access to now. ADHD was just for naughty little boys.
It also has nothing to do with how you are parented or how much screen time you give your kids, I barely watched TV as a kid.
When I was growing up, ADHD and autism were just not common especially in girls. It wasn't my parent's fault in any way that I wasn't diagnosed with these conditions when I was younger. That's also true of your parents. After all, how were they supposed to know when I didn't know myself? The doctors didn't even know. Society didn't know.
Enable, Don't Label
If you suspect your child is neurodivergent, I'd advise you to get a diagnosis earlier rather than later. This isn't about labelling your child as one thing or another, but about helping them learn about themselves and how their brains work earlier in life and providing tools that can support them. In doing so, you're enabling them to succeed and navigate the world.
The key to any conversation about neurodivergent conditions, especially with children, is to help them understand that neurodiversity isn't wrong; it's just a difference. The way I like to think of it is that there are lots of different brains they just approach the world in a different way.
What it really comes down to is that the sooner a child can get a diagnosis, the sooner you as a parent can help them understand their brain and find their own ‘normal’. According to ADHD Aware, it's thought that 15% of people in the UK are neurodivergent.1
Based on the size of the UK population as I write this, that's over 10 million of us. Imagine the whole population of London, plus about another half a million people. That is a lot of people! So, although it might feel challenging and lonely at times, you are certainly not alone if you are neurodivergent.
If you suspect your child has ADHD, don't panic! This doesn't mean that they're damaged and there are many successful people in this world with ADHD – like Richard Branson and Simone Biles. Your child has incredible potential. There are more tips on what to do if your child has ADHD later in the book.
One of the reasons I think it's best to get an ADHD diagnosis as early as possible for your child is because this will allow you to help them in all areas of their lives, not just at school.
Most of us don't get any formal ‘money education’, ADHD or not. When you have ADHD, this doesn't help, as it can mean that you have a tendency to approach your finances differently.
When I was growing up, my parents didn't really talk openly about money, but I still wanted to know everything about it. I played with money from an early age. I had a post office set, a bank, an office and even a National Lottery (which was actually just a bingo machine). It was fun pretending I had won the lottery.
Shameless Plug
Look at money books for kids that are available. I've written one called That's My Money, which is illustrated by the fabulous Chris Dixon.
The real‐life money I was given was always spent on toys, books or games. Whatever my latest hyperfocus was, my money was heading its way.
My sister Bex and I were given £2 a week pocket money. My parents told me about saving, but I was always more interested in spending it. My parents taught me how you earn, spend and save money. However, I found numbers and counting really difficult. I think what they taught me just went in one ear and out the other.
I think I learned better through play, so I recommend any parents who want to teach their kids about money use play to do so. You can pick up pretend money in bargain basement stores, or even give them an old card of yours, so you can show them how cash and cards work.
I also recommend money games like Monopoly – the house prices might be massively off, but it's a great way to teach kids some basic money rules.
My best friend when I was at primary school was a girl named Alex. She became my hyperfocus – I wanted everything she had. So, we both had Cabbage Patch dolls (remember them?!). I wasn't sure they were my thing, but Alex liked them, so I did too. I even started dressing like her.
If Alex got something, I immediately wanted it, but I wasn't always allowed. My parents didn't earn that much, and while we always had enough money for food and essentials, when it came to toys, I couldn't just ask and expect to be given what I wanted.
That meant I waited eagerly for birthdays and Christmas. Several of my aunts and uncles would send me money in a card – the best present. This was where my obsession with buying things came from. To me, money bought me the things I wanted and therefore money equalled happiness. Even though my parents tried to encourage me to save, I would always spend whatever money I had.
NAVIGATING SCHOOL
My grandparents paid for me to go to private school until I was seven years old, but I changed schools a lot when I was younger. The first school, Marsh Court, was where I got my phobia of peas from. They're horrible things!
They pop when you get through the shell, and they make me feel violently ill. I hate everything about peas: the taste, the smell, the texture, even the way they look. So, I used to stuff them into my cheek like a deranged hamster and spit them out in the toilet. We weren't allowed to leave the table to go and play until we had finished everything on our plates.
I found that being forced to eat something I couldn't handle from a sensory perspective was incredibly traumatic. But I had to face peas at every meal at school for a year. In case you're wondering, I still hate peas, they are green devils disguised as vegetables!
Neurodivergent Conditions and Food
People with neurodivergent conditions, but particularly children, are more sensitive to the textures of food and to other sensory inputs associated with eating. We are also more likely to experience sensory sensitivity or sensory overload, which means that we get overwhelmed by sensory stimuli.2
If you're a parent to a neurodivergent child, you'll probably relate to this. The best piece of advice I can give you, based on my childhood experiences and now my experience as a parent, is not to force‐feed your children anything. Let them try new foods, but don't push it if they don't like them, or just mince them up so tiny they can’t even see!
Let's be honest, none of us have come to like a food just because we were force‐fed it as children!
I also remember that I regularly peed my pants at that school. I was four years old, but the toilets were outside and there were spiders in them. I was so scared of the spiders that if I needed to go, I would pee my pants rather than going into a spider‐filled cupboard!
Just like with food, children and adults with ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions tend to feel emotions more intensely than others. So, these experiences at my first school were forcing me way out of my comfort zone and inducing anxiety.
I also remember being told off because I put glue in another girl's hair. My intention was to see if it made her hairstyle better, but I hadn't thought through any of the consequences of my actions. Children with ADHD are impulsive, and that's just one example of a reflex reaction. Of course, I got into trouble for that – the other girl's parents weren't impressed!
I was only at that first school for a year before I moved to Holmewood House School in Salisbury. The great thing about this school was that I had two friends, Alex and Eliza. Eliza's parents were a lord and lady. They had a swimming pool, tennis courts and a nanny.
I remember playing at Eliza's house once and we made cookies. They smelled so good! We ate them all. Apparently, that wasn't what we were supposed to do and her nanny shouted at us. But I had trouble controlling my impulses when it came to sugar – another common trait among children with ADHD. The nanny said I was a bad influence, and I wasn't allowed back to play after that.
Alex, on the other hand, was my best friend. I would spend as much time as I could with her and I got very jealous of anyone else she was friends with. I now know she was my hyperfocus, my person. I have always had a person who gets all of me, even if they don’t really want it! Neurotypical people don't tend to understand this, so I often felt like people couldn't handle me.
Alex lived around the corner from me, so we used to walk to each other's houses. We were allowed to do this even as young as six or seven, as long as we did three rings on the phone when we got there. Of course, I pretty much always forgot to make the call, and my mum would come storming round or phone up Alex's mum to check if I was there.
My next school was Stroud, about which I remember very little. But I do remember the other students often calling me ‘stupid’. There was a long list of criticisms and digs: ‘She can't read! She copies stuff off the board wrong! It's like she can't see it. She never sits still, she is always squirming and fidgeting like she has ants in her pants!’
My mum had no idea what to do with me, but she thought if I wasn't seeing the board well enough that I might need glasses. I liked the idea of glasses! They sounded cool. I could get pink ones.
So, I went to the optician. I was clever. I knew I could see fine, but I just couldn’t read the letters in the right order. I wanted to be different and get glasses – and I did. They were pink with a little diamond in each corner. Of course, they didn't help me to see what was on the board and they didn't help me to copy any better. My mum was upset that the other students kept calling me stupid, and the fees were expensive, so my parents decided to move me to a state primary school.
I learnt some valuable lessons from my time at those different private schools. First, forcing kids to eat something, or do something, isn't going to make them like it. Second, as parent (and adult), I have learnt that putting something nice on a pedestal, like going out to play or pudding, encourages children to rebel and makes talking about it taboo.
I rebelled. I wasn't allowed chocolate and sweets, so I would eat them behind my parents' backs and, as you'll hear a bit later in my story, this led to an eating disorder.
Being forced to run during physical education lessons throughout my childhood has created a lifelong hatred of running in me. When we're young, and particularly around primary school age, our fears, beliefs, ideals and value systems are constructed and shaped by what happens in our lives. So, if you drive kids to do things they hate, all you're doing is setting them up to hate that activity during adulthood. I later learned I was dyspraxic which was why my coordination left a lot to be desired.
I started a new primary school in year three, which was when I started to work out how I learned. I loved music, I loved art and I also loved times tables. I was always the fastest in my class at times tables, but only because I listened to them as music, and somehow they sunk into my brain. I didn't know how to multiply them, but I learnt patterns through sound.
It didn't take my mum long to realise that the best way for me to learn was through tapes! Remember them? You could fast‐forward, rewind, press play or stop. We had music, educational and story tapes. I remember that I listened to The Ugly Duckling on repeat to the point that I could recite it word for word.
The fact that my mum noticed that tapes were a good way for me to learn shows what a great parent she was. If your child has a neurodivergent condition, explore different ways to help them learn because often it's not that kids are stupid, but simply that they take information on board in different ways. When you find the way that works for your child, you'll see a big difference in how much and how quickly they learn.
When I wasn't learning, I was playing chess with my dad or had my head deep inside a book. I was reading books for 10–11 year olds by the time I was seven. My dad started taking me to the library every weekend, which became our little ritual. We would also do the food shopping while we were out. I would be in charge of the list and finding deals. There were signs I was going to be a money saver. Just a shame I didn’t start sooner!
Go Shopping Together
Take your kids shopping, online or in‐store, especially if they're neurodivergent. It teaches money skills, but only if it doesn’t overwhelm you. They will learn valuable money skills, if you can cope with them in the supermarket.
I never became a saver during my childhood – there were just too many shiny, exciting things to spend my money on. I remember when I discovered the TV show Gladiators, where regular contestants would compete in all kinds of physical challenges against the ‘gladiators’. I loved it and watched it every weekend without fail.
I started collecting Gladiators stickers – if you were also a child of the 1980s and 1990s, you'll probably remember that there was a sticker book for everything. But I didn't just collect the stickers, I wanted all of them. I would do chores like emptying the dishwasher and washing the car to earn my own money so I could buy more packs of stickers. I never saved. Every single penny I had went on my latest obsession. The shiny stickers made me so happy.
Another obsession of mine at this time was Pogs, which were like round cardboard milk caps that you could stack and build a game out of (another 1990s throwback!). Just like with the Gladiators stickers, I wanted to have all the Pogs. If I wasn't buying Gladiators stickers, I was buying Pogs, and I had hundreds of them.
Needs vs Wants
It is really valuable to talk to your children about needs vs wants when they are young so that they are better able to make the distinction when they get older.
My new teacher told my mum that I was hyperactive. She said I was always on the go, and recommended I get checked out by the doctor.
‘She is allergic to E‐numbers, Mrs Comrie’, the doctor told my mum.
‘What do you mean?’ mum asked.
‘She has an artificial colouring allergy: sweets, processed food, fizzy pop’, the doctor explained in a matter‐of‐fact way.
No one questioned the fact that I had never been exposed to this type of food before. I had been at a private school for three years, eating what seemed like nothing except meat, potatoes and vegetables. We never even got pudding apart from semolina – and that stuff was gross, hardly a sugary treat.
But this diagnosis of an allergy to E‐numbers was really common in the 1980s and early 1990s, especially for girls who were considered ‘hyper’. Let's be honest, so many kids in the 1980s and 1990s were ‘allergic’ to E‐numbers that they had to discontinue blue Smarties (a sugar‐coated chocolate sweet for anyone not in the UK)!
So, that doctor's diagnosis meant that I never had any sugar or processed foods. I was the weird kid at birthday parties who couldn't have the Panda Pop or the jelly. I couldn't have the weird and wonderful things the other kids were given at parties.
I would get really frustrated that all of the other kids were allowed the treats and I was given nothing. The truth is, like many other kids who were similarly deprived, I didn't have an artificial colouring allergy at all. I had ADHD and I just didn't know it – and neither did anyone else.
Gems of Wisdom
ADHD means that our brains work differently to people who are neurotypical. Take the time to understand how that affects the way you learn and approach the world.
Getting an ADHD diagnosis for yourself or your child can give you access to support and help you learn new ways of managing life.
Educate your kids about money from an early age. Find ways to involve them in finances around the house, such as by taking them shopping and encouraging them to save at least some of their pocket money.
If you have a child with ADHD, be kind to yourself. It can be challenging to parent a kid with ADHD, so make sure you look after yourself as well as looking after them.
Notes
1
ADHD Aware (2023)
What is Neurodiversity – ADHD Aware
.
https://adhdaware.org.uk/what-is-adhd/neurodiversity-and-other-conditions/
2
What Is Sensory Sensitivity? | Neurodivergence Glossary
(no date).
https://www.healthyyoungminds.com/learn-about/sensory-sensitivity/
Chapter 2The Kids Aren't Alright
I had a hard time at school and this song helped me to just carry on.
Primary school was a piece of cake, but when I started secondary school, I realised on my first day that I was going to struggle. The school was so big and there were so many people. There were so many options, which confused me – how to wear my hair, what pencil case to have, how much to roll up my skirt, who to hang out with, etc.
In primary school, it was so easy; I just arrived, and everything was there for me. There was one class where everyone just played together, but now I had to think about so much more. I had a different book for every class, a homework diary and I had to move rooms for every lesson.
There were also so many boys!! I felt really overwhelmed, and I had no idea why. Everything was new and my brain was working overtime. That all made me feel nervous. When I'm nervous, I overtalk, so people quickly realised I was the chatty one.
This is quite common among those of us with ADHD, and in some ways, it can make it easier for us to make friends, because we're very talkative and sociable. However, we have to balance that, because it is also easy for us to overcompensate for our anxiety, overshare and, in doing so, repel people.
But when I started at secondary school, my talkative nature really helped. My first friends were Rachel and Fuzzy we bonded instantly. Having new friends was really exciting and the first two years at secondary school flew by.
I was usually the one in class swinging on my chair, writing notes or whispering behind the teacher's back. That's not because I was naughty, but because I was restless. I even enjoyed being sent out of class because it gave me an excuse to move around and watch what was going on in the corridors. The school bell used to scare the living daylights out of me.
