Marriage E-Book

Lydia Paige

• Herausgeber: Lydia Paige
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

How do two people who have vowed to love each other get to the point where they refuse to talk for hours—or even days? ‘At least we stopped fighting,’ they tell themselves. Still, the issue has not been resolved, and they both feel uncomfortable.You and your partner have just had a disagreement. ‘I don’t need to apologize,’ you tell yourself. ‘I'm not the one that started it!’You release the issue, but the tension lingers. You reconsider apologizing, but you can’t bring yourself to utter those simple words “I’m sorry.”The husband says “At times it’s difficult to say ‘I'm sorry’ because my ego catches in the way,”The wife says “When I know I'm a 100% percent at fault, it’s comfortable to say ‘I'm sorry.’ But when we both said things we regret, it’s hard. I mean, why should I apologize if both of us bitched up?”The above marriage shows signs of disregard. Over the years, it has weathered many storms, not all of them successfully. Now the structure is fragile, and the collapse of the house seems imminent.Have you ever felt that your own marriage may be heading in the same direction? If so, be assured that no couple is immune to problems.Underscoring the truthfulness of those words, one team of researchers describe marriage as “the most risky undertaking routinely taken on by the greatest number of people in our society.” They add: “What starts out as a relationship of great joy and promise can become the most frustrating and painful endeavour in a person’s lifetime.”What about your own marriage? Is it characterized by one or more of the following traits?Constant arguingBitter speechInfidelityResentmentIn some lands, divorce rates have skyrocketed. Consider the United States, where for many years divorce was relatively uncommon. After 1960, writes Barbara Dafoe Whitehead in her book The Divorce Culture, “the rate accelerated at a dazzling pace.” She states: “It doubled in roughly a decade and continued its upward climb until the early 1980s, when it stabilized at the highest level among advanced Western societies. As a consequence of this sharp and sustained rise, divorce moved from the margins to the mainstream of American life in the space of three decades.”If your marriage seems fragile and its collapse seems imminent, what should you do? Is divorce the answer? This book will provide the fundamental strategy in rebuilding your marriage instead of going through the corridors of unhappy matrimony. Remember, unhappy marriage give birth to depressed children.

Leseprobe

Lydia Paige

Marriage

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Table of contents

SKILL 1. LEARN TO CONSULT TOGETHER

What is the solution?

SKILL 2. LEARN TO BE TACTFUL

What is the solution?

SKILL 3. LEARN TO ADAPT TO YOUR NEW ROLES

What is the solution for a husband?

What is the solution for a wife?

Maintain Reasonable Expectations

Akiko: “The doorbell rang as I was carrying my bags to the front door. A woman was standing there. I invited her in.”

ASK YOURSELF . . .

THE TRIAL

WHY IT OCCURS

THE SOLUTION

Couples viewpoints

Couples viewpoints

A Couple’s Viewpoint:

Austin and Carly viewpoints

THE TRIAL

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

THE SOLUTION

What Are the Trials?

Four Secrets to Success

1.) Learn to talk peacefully about money.

2.) Agree on how profits will be viewed.

3.) Write your ideas on paper

4.) Agree on who will do what.

The Genuine Message in Money Discussions

ASK YOURSELF . . .

1. PLAN CAREFULLY

THE SOLUTION

2 BE OPEN AND REALISTIC

THE SOLUTION

YOUR VIEW OF MONEY

ASK YOURSELF . . .

TRIAL ONE:

The matter:

THE SOLUTION

TRIAL TWO:

The matters:

What you can do:

ASK YOURSELF . . .

THE TRIAL

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

THE SOLUTION

Focus on the Positive

TRIAL ONE: We blame each other.

A key to success: Work together against debt.

TRIAL TWO: Getting out of debt seems impossible.

A key to success: Take control of your finances.

Housing: If probable, move into a home with a lesser monthly payment. Lessen your utility costs by preserving electricity, water, and heat.

TRIAL THREE: Debt devours our thinking.

A key to success: Place money in its appropriate place.

ASK YOURSELF . . .

THE TRIAL

WHY IT HAPPENS

Misunderstanding. Many couples refuse forgiveness because they misunderstand what prolonging it will mean. For instance:

WHAT YOU CAN DO

WHEN YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE

THE TRIAL

WHY IT HAPPENS

WHAT YOU CAN DO

LIVING UP TO YOUR WEDDING VOW

THE TRIAL

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

THE SOLUTION

TRY THIS

He says: “Where are our daughters?”

She says: “They went to the shopping mall to purchase some new clothes.”

She says: (Protectively, feeling hurt and accused) “But there was a sale. Besides, they inquired from me first, and I said they could go.”

Four Steps to Solving Problems

1.) Set a time to discuss the issue.

2.) Express your opinion honestly and respectfully.

3.) Listen to and acknowledge your mate’s feelings.

4.) Agree on a solution.

What Is Commitment?

What Are the Challenges?

How to Strengthen Commitment

1.) Make your marriage a priority.

2.) Avoid all forms of infidelity.

THE TRIAL

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

The bottom line: If you are experiencing problems in your marriage, now is the time to strengthen commitment, not question it. How can you do that?

COMMITMENT AND LOYALTY

Steve: “I never imagined that Jodi would commit adultery. I lost all trust in her. Words cannot describe how difficult it was for me to forgive her.”

Jodi: “I understand why I lost Steve’s trust. It took many years for me to prove my regret.”

1.) Be Honest With Each Other.

2.) Work as a Team.

TRY THIS: Together, resolve to work as a team to restore trust in your marriage.

4.) Know When to Move On.

TRY THIS: Instead of trying to get your marriage back to the way it was, think of yourselves as building a new and stronger relationship.

ASK YOURSELF . . .

RELATIONSHIP 1: THE CHILD’S OTHER PARENT

TIPS FOR PARENTS

TIPS FOR STEPMOTHERS

TIPS TO HELP PARENTS AND STEPPARENTS GET ALONG

Stepmother: Tim, please hang up your wet towel.

Stepmother (angrily): Well, she is just teaching you to be lazy.

Stepmother (calmly): Oh, OK. Here we hang them up ourselves.

TRY THIS: Follow these steps the next time you meet your mate’s former spouse or the spouse of your former mate:

RELATIONSHIP 2: ADULT CHILDREN

RELATIONSHIP 3: OTHER RELATIVES AND FRIENDS

ASK YOURSELF . . .

THE TRIAL

THE SOLUTION:

The TRIAL:

THE SOLUTION:

THE TRIAL:

THE SOLUTION:

TRY THIS: Make a list of ways that your mate’s viewpoint or way of handling things is superior to yours.

ASK YOURSELF . . .

1.) MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE A PRIORITY

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

2.) SAFEGUARD YOUR HEART

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

DO YOUR PART

ASK YOURSELF . . .

CHALLENGE 1: YOU STRUGGLE TO KEEP AN EARLIER MARRIAGE FROM OVERSHADOWING YOUR CURRENT MARRIAGE.

CHALLENGE 2: YOU STRUGGLE TO INTERACT WITH OLD FRIENDS WHO ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH YOUR NEW SPOUSE.

CHALLENGE 3: YOU STRUGGLE TO TRUST YOUR NEW MATE BECAUSE YOUR FIRST SPOUSE WAS DISLOYAL.

TRY THIS: Set limits on private communication with the opposite sex, whether in person, on the phone, or online.

ASK YOURSELF . . .

THE TRIAL

WHY IT HAPPENS

WHAT YOU CAN DO

WHAT IS “ABUSIVE SPEECH”?

1.) How has good communication helped marriages?

2.) What factors can work against good communication?

3.) What has helped couples to strengthen their marriage?

SHOW INSIGHT

GROW IN LOVE

CULTIVATE RESPECT

DISPLAY GENUINE HUMILITY

Maintain good communication in your marriage

THE TRIAL

WHY IT HAPPENS

THE SOLUTION

IF YOU ARE SPEAKING

1.) DISCUSS THE PROBLEM

THE SOLUTION

2.) LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND

THE SOLUTION

3.) FOLLOW THROUGH

THE SOLUTION

TACKLE PROBLEMS TOGETHER

ASK YOURSELF . . .

THE TRIAL

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

THE SOLUTION

THE TRIAL

WHY IT HAPPENS

THE SOLUTION

THROW THE BALL GENTLY

THE TRIAL

WHY IT HAPPENS

Differences.

Poor role models.

Deeper concerns.

THE SOLUTION

IF YOU HAVE ARGUED . . .

THE TRIAL

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

THE SOLUTION

A Couples viewpoint

A Couple viewpoint

Understanding the Challenges

Why Work to Resolve Problems?

Keys to Success—Avoid Damaging Patterns of Speech

TRY THIS: Over the coming weeks, notice how you speak to your spouse. If you are dismissive or say something demeaning, apologize immediately.

TRY THIS: Make a list of the positive things that your mate has done for you and the good motives that could have prompted these actions.

ASK YOURSELF . . .

APPLY THE GOLDEN RULE

SOME EXPRESSIONS EXPLAINED

POWER ON, WARRIORS

A-Z of Common Problems in Marriage and How to Deal With Them

Lydia Paige

COPYRIGHT

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's experience or everyday observances. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is unreal and coincidental.

© 2016 by LYDIA PAIGE . All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any written, electronic, recording, or photocopying form without written permission of the author, LYDIA PAIGE, photographer Grant Collier, or the publisher, Mile High Press, Ltd.