Modern Dating For Dummies E-Book

Tiff Baira

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 435

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

NYC's TikTok Cupid presents a must-have dating guide for building confidence and finding lasting love!

Dating can be fun, exciting, draining, disorienting, dangerous, and more. And if you're one of the millions of people in the market for a new partner (or two), how can you make sure that your dating life is more exhilarating than exhausting?

Enter Modern Dating For Dummies, a straight-forward and friendly guide to getting the most out of contemporary dating without ending up as a cautionary tale in the next catfishing documentary on your favorite streaming service. Author Tiff Baira, NYC's official TikTok Cupid and dating guru, walks you through how to date like a champ. You'll learn how to sort the Red and Green flags, how to keep your confidence high (or get it back), protect against outright scams and frauds, and navigate new kinds of relationships.

You'll also discover:

• How to emotionally deal with being ghosted and manage your relationship anxiety
• Exactly what to do after a first date that went REALLY well (or terribly sideways)
• How to manage the overwhelming combo of online dating and IRL Encounters that shape the modern dating space.
• Master the modern dating scene with today's top apps

Whether you're looking for help on how to date after the end of a long relationship or you just need a few tips on how to use apps, flirt, get out of a situationship or how to find your next hookup-slash-soulmate-slash-spouse, Modern Dating For Dummies has the info you can put to work immediately to make your dating life better, easier, and more fun.

Leseprobe

Modern Dating For Dummies®

To view this book's Cheat Sheet, simply go to www.dummies.com and search for “Modern Dating For Dummies Cheat Sheet” in the Search box.

Table of Contents

Cover

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Introduction

About This Book

Foolish Assumptions

Icons Used in This Book

Beyond the Book

Where to Go from Here

Part 1: Getting into the Modern Dating Game

Chapter 1: Modern Dating: Has Romance Turned into Horror?

Navigating the Modern Dating Mess

Dating Advice Overload — What to Listen to and What to Ignore

Texting, Flirting, and the Great Divide between Online and IRL

How to Navigate the Madness and Actually Enjoy Dating

Chapter 2: Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Oh My! Navigating the Dating Apps

Seeing How Dating Apps Have Changed the Dating World

Using Dating Apps to Crush Your Relationship Goals

Guarding Your Heart (and Health): Prioritizing Sexual Wellness

Swipe Smarter, Not Harder: The Ultimate Setup Guide

Taking It Offline: How to Transition from App to Reality

Chapter 3: Finding Love While Loving Yourself

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places (and Finally Getting It Right)

Knowing Your Dating Value: Stop Settling and Start Thriving

Rejection Is Redirection: Stop Doubting Yourself

Chapter 4: Deciding to Date — Setting Standards and Having a Solid Dating Blueprint

Is This Your Perfect Person or Are You Just Their One-Person Entertainment Act?

Drawing Up Your Dating Blueprint — Because Love Shouldn’t Be a DIY Disaster

Chapter 5: Resetting Your Dating Mind: Breaking the Rules and Building Your Own

The Old Rules That Need to Go

Building Your Own Dating Rules

Part 2: Meeting Someone and Setting Up a Date

Chapter 6: Flirting 101: The Flirtation Formula to Get ’Em Hooked

Flirting with Rejection

The Texting Playbook: Tips for Flirty and Fun Chats

Tailored Texting That Matches Your Vibe

In-Person Flirting: Turning a Smile into a Date

Chapter 7: No Wi-Fi Needed: Where and How to Meet People in Person

Finding the Best Places to Be Single and Mingle

Choosing the Best Professional Cupids

Passport to Connection: Finding Love in New Places

Mastering the Art of the Solo Date

Chapter 8: How to Ask for or Reject a Date Invitation

Should You Make the First Move?

Nerves and Courage: How to Be Nervous and Do It Anyway

How to Smoothly Ask Someone Out on a Date in Person

How to Ask Out a Friend or Colleague Without Making It Awkward

How to Ask Someone Out Digitally

Proceed with Caution: Should You Ask This Person Out?

How to Delicately Decline a Date Invitation

Chapter 9: Right Place, Right Vibe: Nailing the Perfect Date Location

Love's Launchpad: Finding the Perfect Place for Your First Date

Choosing a Date Night Spot That Fits Your Budget

Steering Clear of Date Spots That Can Lead to Awkward Moments

Chapter 10: Plan with Caution: Spotting and Avoiding Red Flags When Setting Up a Date

Setting Clear Expectations

Netflix and Not Chill: Dates Should Be Public First, Private Later

Time-Wasters 101: How to Spot the People Who’ll Never Commit to a First Date

Love Bombers and Text Overload: When Enthusiasm Becomes a Red Flag

Chapter 11: Who’s Got the Bill? Navigating the Check Etiquette

Knowing Your Standards on Payment Before the Date

Breaking Down Payment Options and Debates on a Date

Red Flags When Splitting the Bill

When the Bill Doesn’t Go as Planned: A Survival Guide

Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget: Dating Across Income Brackets

Dating Without Breaking the Bank

Part 3: Swipe Right to Date Night: The Ultimate GRWM Playbook for Your First Date

Chapter 12: From Outfit to Attitude: Making a Great First Impression

Looking Your Best for a First Date

Fresh and Flawless: Your Pre-Date Hygiene Checklist

Presenting Yourself Authentically from the Jump

The Right Scent, Right Time

Sit Up, Smile, and Slay: Posture Power for Your Date

Chapter 13: Bye-Bye Butterflies: How to Crush First Date Nerves and Boost Your Confidence

Why Do We Get Nervous Before a Date?

Swapping the “What Ifs” for “What Could Be”

How to Turn Nerves into Excitement

The SOS Call: Why Friends Always Have the Best (or Worst) Advice

Tricks to Get Out of Your Head and Stay Present

Every “No” Is Just a Detour to Your Eventual “Yes”

To Sip or Not to Sip: The Pre-Date Drink Debate

The Confidence Check-in: Affirmations to Combat Date Nerves

Chapter 14: Big Date Energy: Starting and Keeping the Date Fun and Flirty

Salutations: Greeting with Style

Relaxing and Engaging with Your Date

Topics and Actions to Avoid on the Date

The Graceful Exit: How to Leave a Bad Date without Drama

Date Night Finish Line: How to End on a High Note

Post-Date Check-in: Questions to Ask Yourself Afterward

How to Lock in That Second Date

Part 4: Date or Fade? What Happens after the First Date

Chapter 15: Making the Most of Date Number Two and Beyond

The Second Date: Where Compatibility Gets Real (or Reality Sets In)

When Is It Time to Meet the Friends?

When to Have Sex: The Ultimate Timing Debate

When to Commit: Decoding the “What Are We?” Phase

Chapter 16: Ghosts, Goodbyes, and Getting Over It: Surviving the Heartbreak

Ditching the Wait: Stop Gluing Your Eyes to Your Phone

Healing from a “Situationship”: Getting Over Someone You Never Really Had

Rejection to Redirection: How to Grow Through the No

Surviving the Dating Chaos

Dodging the Dating Villains: Cheaters and Manipulators

Turning Pain into Power: Finding Confidence After a Breakup

Chapter 17: Beyond Small Talk: Asking the Questions That Really Matter

Money Moves: Navigating Finances While Dating

Balancing Lifestyles and Focusing on Shared Values

Navigating Religion in Modern Dating

When Dating Gets Political

Dating Within or Outside Your Culture

Aligning Sexual Values Without the Awkwardness

Tackling Other Big Topics: Family, Your Future, and More

Part 5: Romance, Rewritten: Loving and Dating on Your Own Terms

Chapter 18: No Pressure, Just Pleasure: Navigating Sex in the City

Staying True to Your Boundaries Without Feeling Pressured

The Truth about Sex: It Won’t Make Someone Love You More

Owning Your Choices Without the Guilt Trip

Reclaiming Your Confidence in Sex

Knowing How to Tell Your Partner Your Specific Needs

Chapter 19: Second Chances: Thriving in the Dating World Post-Divorce

How to Move on Without Bringing the Past to Dinner

Dating for Fun After Losing “the One”: Deciding What You Want

How to Fully Let Go of Your Ex

How to Reenter the Scene Without Looking Like a Lost Tourist

Chapter 20: Out and About: Navigating the LGBTQIA+ Dating Scene

Figuring Out Your Identity: Embrace Self-Discovery and Be Proud of Who You Are

Putting Yourself Out There When You're Still Figuring It Out

Queer Dating Cheat Sheet: How to Navigate Love in Every Category

Using LGBTQIA+ Dating Apps Like a Pro

Flirting and Putting Yourself Out There in LGBTQIA+ Spaces

Where to Go and Meet People: Your Queer Social Playground

Part 6: The Part of Tens

Chapter 21: Ten Things to Tell Yourself Before and After a Date

Confidence Boosters: Being Your Own Hype Squad

Reality Checks: Managing Your Expectations

Post-Date Pep Talk: No Matter What Happens, You Win

Chapter 22: Ten Red Flags to Avoid at All Costs

The Love Bomber

The “You Up” 4 a.m. Texter

The Jealous Type

The Gaslighter

The Freeloader in Disguise

The Zero Boundaries Person

The Secret Keeper

A Little Too Close to Their Ex

The “Joke” Insulter

The Control Freak

Index

About the Author

Connect with Dummies

End User License Agreement

Guide

Cover

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Begin Reading

Index

About the Author

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Modern Dating For Dummies®

Published by: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030-5774, www.wiley.com

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2025940264

ISBN 978-1-394-31579-6 (pbk); ISBN 978-1-394-31581-9 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-394-31580-2 (ebk)

Introduction

Welcome to Modern Dating For Dummies, aka So You Drunk Texted Your Ex Again. It’s okay. You’re safe here.

You probably picked up this book and thought, “Do I really need this? How did I get here?” First off — yes, you do. Second — probably something to do with that 2 a.m. text that said, “U up?” to someone who should definitely be blocked.

But I’ll let you in on a secret: No one actually knows what they’re doing when it comes to dating. Whether you've been out here since the prehistoric era — pre-iPhones, pre-dating apps, back when you actually had to make eye contact — or this is your first time putting yourself out there after a long hiatus (or a long situationship), this book is your new BFF.

About This Book

Hi, I’m Tiff Baira. I’m 28, live in New York City, and I’m a dating coach and matchmaker. I’ve helped hundreds of singles stop spiraling and start dating with confidence — both through coaching and my show Streethearts. And yes, I’ve also had my fair share of “what are we?” texts and romantic chaos. I’ve been through and seen everything from Prince Charming without the charm, to the person perfect on paper and a nightmare to talk to, and don’t even get me started on the toxic musicians who try to play you like a key. I’ve put in the work to build true confidence and say no to the actions that don’t align (no matter how hot they are) to build my dream dating life.

Dating is wild. It makes you feel vulnerable. It’s a little terrifying. But I’m not here to change you — I’m here to elevate the dream version of you, and help you find a partner (or partners, or situationship, or hot fling — you do you, boo).

There’s no one-size-fits-all anymore. Gone are the days of meeting at a grocery store, dating for a year, and settling in the suburbs. Now we’ve got ghosting, breadcrumbing, dating apps, catfishes, and your one persistent crush who lives in your head rent-free.

In this book, I help you replace anxiety with confidence. I show you how to flirt without spiraling, how to know your worth (and stop begging), how to determine who pays on the first date, how to dress like your hottest self, and more.

By following the tips and advice in this book, you’ll know your core values, your dating intentions and boundaries, and maybe even feel excited to get out there again. Rejection? Just redirection. You? Always deserving of love.

Foolish Assumptions

Maybe your friends threatened to stage an intervention if you sent one more voice note crying about your ex. Maybe your mom passive-aggressively gifted you this book because she wants someone at the holiday table whose name isn’t Blaze and who doesn’t have a septum piercing. Whatever got you here, know that you are not broken. You’re not undatable. You just need a little push (and maybe a cocktail).

You’re single and looking — not just to collect situationships or rack up ghost stories, but to make real connections. Whether you're new to dating, diving back in, or just trying to upgrade your game, this book is for you.

While I’m in my 20s and speak from that perspective, this is an ageless guide. The tips and tools in here apply to all genders, sexualities, and stages of life. Whether you're 21 or 61, dating is confusing — and you're not alone. Let’s figure it out together.

Icons Used in This Book

Dating can be hard enough. Make things easier on yourself by following the tips and tricks marked with this icon.

These icons mark the information that’s especially important to know. To cut to the chase and grab the most important information in each chapter, just skim through these icons.

This icon alerts you to red-flag behaviors and potentially dangerous situations to avoid.

This icon points out personal stories and wisdom I’ve gained over my time as a dating coach and going on dates myself that you may find interesting or helpful.

Beyond the Book

In addition to the abundance of information and guidance related to modern dating that I provide in this book, you get access to even more help and information online at Dummies.com. Check out this book’s online Cheat Sheet. Just go to www.dummies.com and search for Modern Dating For Dummies Cheat Sheet. Here you’ll be able to bring all the tips you read here on the go, the ultimate bestie for any date.

Where to Go from Here

The great thing about Dummies books is that you can start anywhere, and you can dip in and out to get the info that’s most relevant and important to you. If you’re new to the dating scene or back after a long time off the market, consider starting with Part 1, where I describe the modern dating landscape, help you navigate various dating apps, and start you on your way to a healthy dating life. If you struggle with meeting people, check out the advice in Part 2. And if you’ve had a few good dates with someone and are wondering what comes next, head to Part 4.

Whether you’re in college, post-divorce, or the last of your friends not married and wondering what the hell is going on — it’s time. There’s love waiting for you. Grab a martini (or a strong sparkling water if we’re being responsible) and get back in the game.

Oh — and if this book gets you married, promise me now: I’m officiating the wedding. Deal?

Part 1

Getting into the Modern Dating Game

IN THIS PART …

Get a handle on what it means to date in the modern age.

Explore dating apps and how best to use them.

Focus on loving yourself and boosting your confidence before putting yourself out there.

Determine who and what you’re looking for and when.

Feel empowered to take the wheel and make your own dating rules.

Chapter 1

Modern Dating: Has Romance Turned into Horror?

IN THIS CHAPTER

Feeling your way through the modern dating landscape

Knowing which rules and advice to follow and which ones to avoid

Figuring out how to date in the modern age and actually enjoy it

From ancient times, finding love has never been a straight path — more like a chaotic obstacle course with questionable detours. People went to war for love, wrote tragic poetry, and we got stuck with Romeo and Juliet as the ultimate romantic standard (even though, let’s be real, they knew each other for three days and it ended in a double suicide). Fast forward, and here we are — post-pandemic, chronically online, and swiping like our thumbs are training for a marathon.

At this point, many of us have a stronger relationship with dating apps than with the people on them. Ghosting is a national pastime, “talking stages” last longer than some marriages, and somehow, despite having more ways to connect than ever, we’re in a loneliness epidemic. What happened to the clarity of old-school dating? Courtship, love, marriage — it used to be a simple formula. Now, we’re out here navigating rosters, what are we talks, and situationships so vague they could be the subject of a philosophy class.

But here’s the deal: The old rules no longer apply, so it’s up to us to create new ones that actually work. It’s time to stop clinging to outdated timelines, stop trying to fit love into a perfect mold, and start figuring out what we actually want. Whether it’s redefining commitment, dating for fun, or just trying to survive yet another Hinge voice memo introduction, let’s dive into the madness that is modern love — chaos included.

Navigating the Modern Dating Mess

If you’ve ever felt like dating today is a social experiment designed to test your patience, your self-worth, and your ability to decode mixed signals — congratulations, you are not alone. Dating used to be about finding someone you connected with. Now, it’s about not getting played. Red flags? We spot them from a mile away but sometimes still ignore them because they have great hair. Some common modern dating traps include

Breadcrumbing:

Someone texts you just enough to keep you interested but never actually makes plans. (You’re not a pigeon — stop accepting crumbs.)

Ghosting:

They disappear with no explanation. (Honestly, the only ghosts we should be dealing with are in horror movies. See

Chapter 16

for more on ghosting and goodbyes.)

Situationships:

The relationship that’s not a relationship, but it

feels

like one, except there’s no commitment. (If you have to ask, “What are we?” more than once, you already know the answer.)

Rosters:

Having multiple people in rotation but committing to none. (Having options is great, but at some point, you have to pick a main character.

Chapter 15

gives you the lowdown on rosters.)

The key to surviving? Recognize the games early, set your standards, and don’t waste time on people who bring more confusion than connection. The following sections break down the absolute chaos that is the modern dating scene and explain how we can make it work without completely losing your sanity.

Situationships versus relationships: Is anyone even committing anymore?

Situationships are basically the modern version of purgatory. You like each other, you spend time together, you might even meet their dog — but there’s zero commitment. It’s fun until you realize you’ve been in one for two years and you’re still “just seeing where things go.”

The difference between a relationship and a situationship? Consistency, clarity, and actual plans for the future. If you’re stuck in something vague and they “don’t like labels,” ask yourself: Are you okay with that, or are you just afraid to leave because you don’t want to start over?

“What are we?” has now become “Will we ever?”

Gone are the days when defining a relationship was a normal milestone. Now, we’re out here trying to make “exclusivity” happen like it’s some rare unicorn. The longer you avoid “The Talk,” the messier it gets. If you’re confused about where you stand with someone, ask yourself:

Are they making future plans with me, or am I just a placeholder?

Do they match my effort, or am I doing all the work?

Am I actually happy with this arrangement, or am I just afraid of scaring them off?

You deserve clarity, and the right person won’t leave you hanging in uncertainty.

Rosters: Unlimited options end up limiting connection?

Having a “roster” is the modern version of keeping your options open. But at what point do options turn into distractions? Dating multiple people at once can be fun, but if you’re constantly cycling through people without forming real bonds, you might just be using dating as entertainment rather than actually looking for a connection.

Signs it’s time to trim the roster:

You don’t actually like any of them that much, but you keep them around for validation.

You forget who you told what story to.

You’re exhausted trying to keep up with multiple conversations.

If your roster feels more like a chore than a love life, it’s time to narrow it down and focus on quality over quantity.

Casual sex and casual feelings?

Casual sex can be amazing. It can also feel like an emotional roller coaster designed by someone who really enjoys watching people suffer. One minute you’re both on the same page — “just fun, no feelings” — and the next, one of you is staring at your phone, trying to decode why they left your last message on read for exactly 8 hours and 14 minutes.

The truth? Sex is not casual if you’re catching feelings but pretending not to. If you know you can separate emotions from intimacy, great! But if you’re secretly hoping that one more hookup will change their mind and make them see you as “relationship material,” please save yourself the heartbreak. You deserve someone who wants to be with you because they actually like you — not because they occasionally want company at 1 a.m. (Chapter 18 covers all you need to know about sex and modern dating.)

Catfishing: The dangers of deception

Dating apps should come with a disclaimer: “Warning: Some people here are not who they claim to be.” You match with someone who looks like a Greek god in their photos, and then — boom! — you meet up, and they suddenly look like the “before” picture in a skincare commercial.

And it’s not just about looks. Some people catfish with personality. You think you’re talking to someone fun and interesting, but then you meet them in person, and they have the charisma of a tax return. If their energy over text is giving “romantic comedy lead” but in real life they’re drier than an unsalted cracker, you’ve just been personality catfished.

Lesson here? Video calls before the first date can save you from unexpected jump scares. Also, if they only have one blurry group photo and won’t send a selfie? Run.

Post-pandemic dating anxiety

Remember when we all collectively forgot how to socialize for two years? Yeah, dating post-pandemic still feels like that. Half of us reentered the dating world with the energy of a puppy finally let outside, while the other half still flinch when someone reaches for a handshake.

Common symptoms of post-pandemic dating anxiety include

Overthinking

every

interaction because you forgot how to flirt in person

Wondering if the bar is too crowded and if it’s socially acceptable to wear a hazmat suit on a date

Forgetting how to make eye contact and choosing instead to stare intently at their forehead

The good news? Everyone else is feeling just as weird. Dating is awkward. You’ll get through it. Worst case? Blame any social awkwardness on the pandemic and order another drink.

Heartless romantics: Dating for entertainment instead of love

Some people treat dating like it’s a reality show — except instead of competing for love, they’re just collecting players and seeing who keeps their attention the longest. You know the type:

They flirt like a pro but have no actual interest in commitment.

They treat dates like entertainment, not emotional connection.

They don’t want love — they want an audience.

If you’ve ever felt like you were on an episode of The Bachelor but with none of the roses, you’ve probably been played by a heartless romantic. The key to avoiding these people? Look at their actions, not just their words. If someone is stringing you along for fun, they’re not your person. Move on before you become just another episode in their highlight reel.

Profile reviews, TikTok Storytimes, and endless swiping: The commodification of love

Dating has gone full Black Mirror. Love is now a marketplace where people analyze profiles like they’re making a major investment decision. We sit in group chats reviewing our friends’ dating app matches, breaking down their “vibe” like FBI agents studying surveillance footage.

Meanwhile, TikTok has turned dating into content. Someone ghosts you? Storytime. Someone says something cringe on a date? Screenshot it, post it, and let the internet roast them. While hilarious, this has also turned dating into a weird, competitive sport where we’re constantly chasing the next best option.

At some point, we have to remember that we’re not shopping for a new phone — we’re looking for a person. The best way to get out of this cycle? Delete the apps for a bit, go on a few real-life dates, and remember that love isn’t something you order with next-day delivery. (See Chapter 7 for more on how to get out and meet people in real life.)

Dating Advice Overload — What to Listen to and What to Ignore

At this point, dating advice is everywhere — your favorite influencer is giving it, your best friend is contradicting it, and your mom is still trying to set you up with the “nice neighbor’s son who just got a job” (who, for the record, is absolutely not your type).

With social media gurus, countless dating rules, and text message game-playing, it’s easy to feel like dating is an impossible puzzle where everyone else has the answer but you. But here’s the truth: There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to love, so let’s break down what advice to actually take and when to ignore the noise.

At the end of the day, the only dating rules that matter are the ones that work for you. Some people meet their soulmate after sending a double text. Others marry the person they hooked up with on a first date. Some take things slow, while others dive in fast. Your love life doesn’t need to follow someone else’s playbook. Make your own rules, date with intention, and don’t let TikTok tell you who to be. The best dating advice? Trust yourself, and go after what you really want.

Social media gurus: Are they helping or just talking?

Ever scrolled through TikTok and suddenly found yourself questioning your entire approach to dating? One video tells you to act uninterested to be more attractive, while another tells you to be upfront and authentic. Meanwhile, someone else is yelling that if they “really liked you,” they’d be obsessed in three seconds. Which is it?

Here’s how to know when advice is worth listening to:

Does it align with your values? If it feels like manipulation, it probably is.

Is it based on confidence, not games? Good advice encourages self-worth, not mind games.

Would you give this advice to a friend? If it sounds ridiculous when flipped, toss it.

And when in doubt? If a 20-year-old finance bro wearing sunglasses indoors is telling you how to find love, keep scrolling.

The dating “rules” that do more harm than good

We’ve all heard them:

Wait three days before texting back.

Don’t be too available.

Never double text.

“DATING IS TRASH, BUT CAN WE RECYCLE?”

Modern dating often feels like a landfill of bad conversations, ghosting, and half-baked connections, but let’s not lose hope just yet. Instead of throwing the whole thing away, let’s recycle our approach and make it better.

Instead of endlessly swiping, try meeting people in real life. Your next great match might be in a coffee shop, not just on an app.Instead of obsessing over “what are we?” too soon, focus on how they treat you in the moment. The label matters, but so do actions.Instead of playing games, be real. If they don’t appreciate directness, they’re not the one.

The key? Dating isn’t trash — it’s just about sorting through the waste to find the real gems.

These so-called rules were written by people who think love is a chess match instead of a connection. The reality? If you like someone, text them. If they like you, they’ll respond. If they don’t, it’s not because you broke some mythical dating law — it’s because they’re not your person.

Some dating rules are helpful, like not ignoring red flags (see Chapter 10) and respecting your own boundaries. But most of the others? Throw them out like last season’s trends. (Chapter 5 is all about breaking the rules and making your own instead.)

Texting, Flirting, and the Great Divide between Online and IRL

The modern romance struggle: Why is someone so bold in the DMs but a nervous wreck in person? We’ve all seen it — the flirty, confident texter who turns into a human version of the buffering symbol at dinner.

Online flirting works best when you treat it like a preview of your actual personality. Don’t be the person who’s charming over text but awkward in real life.

IRL chemistry matters more than emoji-filled texts. If you’re texting for weeks with no real-life plans, that’s a problem.

Match the energy. If they’re writing paragraphs, don’t just hit them with “lol, nice.” If they’re dry, don’t carry the whole conversation yourself.

Flirting isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being playful, showing confidence, and creating connection. Whether it’s online or in person, be yourself, and let the right people gravitate toward you.

Need a refresher in Flirting 101? Head to Chapter 6.

How to Navigate the Madness and Actually Enjoy Dating

Now that we’ve established that dating today can feel like an episode of Survivor — full of mind games, unpredictable eliminations, and an occasional immunity idol (aka a decent date) — how do we actually thrive in this chaos?

Date with intention — not just for distraction.

If you’re going on dates because you’re bored, lonely, or just need someone to text “Good morning” to, you’re setting yourself up for frustration. Instead of swiping endlessly just to have something to do, get clear on what you actually want. Casual? Cool. Serious? Great. Just be honest with yourself and whoever you’re dating.

Ask the right questions early.

Instead of waiting six months to realize you’ve accidentally entered a situationship, start asking questions early:

“What are you looking for right now?” (

Yes, it’s scary, but so is wasting time.

)

“How do you feel about commitment?” (

If they start twitching, take that as your answer.

)

“Are you actively dating other people?” (

Better to know upfront than find out via Instagram story.

)

Stop chasing confusion — if they want you, you’ll know.

The person who actually wants to be with you will not have you decoding their mixed signals like you’re in a

National Treasure

movie. If you’re constantly overanalyzing their texts or wondering if they’re actually into you, that’s your answer. Move on and save yourself the emotional energy.

Quality over quantity — trim the roster if it’s not serving you.

If you’ve been seeing multiple people but none of them make you feel valued, it might be time to Marie Kondo your dating life. If they don’t spark joy (or at least text back in a timely manner), thank them for their time and move on.

Stay optimistic (without being delusional).

Yes, dating today can feel like a mess, but love still exists — you just have to be patient. Stay hopeful, keep putting yourself out there, and remember that every bad date, ghosting, or confusion-filled situationship is just leading you one step closer to someone who actually deserves you.

Go in with an open heart, and keep your standards high, your expectations realistic, and your sense of humor fully intact. Because one day, you’ll be looking back at all these wild stories, laughing with your person, and thanking the dating gods that you never settled for anything less than what you truly wanted.

Chapter 2

Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Oh My! Navigating the Dating Apps

IN THIS CHAPTER

How to use dating apps effectively for your goals

Creating the ultimate dating profile

Mastering the art of online flirting

Taking it offline and finding your IRL match

Let’s be real: If your longest relationship has been with your dating apps, you’re not alone. Welcome to the modern dating cycle! It goes something like this: You delete all your apps, swearing you’re “over online dating” and ready to meet someone “in the wild.” You imagine yourself bumping into your perfect match at a coffee shop, only to realize the only person who notices you is the barista — and he’s already taken. So what do you do? You re-download the apps, convinced that true love is just one swipe away.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. The dating app space has changed a lot since the days when eHarmony made you feel like you needed a personality makeover just to get a date. Fast forward to today, and we’re living in a world where over 300 million people are swiping, matching, and hoping to find their soulmate (or at least someone who won't ghost them) on their phones. Your options? Endless. Your chances of finding someone who doesn’t immediately disappear after one text? Still a work in progress.

In this chapter, you find out how to pick the right app for you, how to craft a profile that gets noticed (Hint: A photo with your ridiculously cute puppy helps), and how to take your digital connection from swipe to real-life date.

You're not looking for a pen pal. You’re looking for a partner. And after reading this chapter, you’ll be equipped with the real strategies you need to stop getting stuck in dating app purgatory, to avoid endless app conversations that go nowhere, and to start enjoying the process of swiping — with purpose. Whether that’s making a Tinder Sleepover where you and your friends connect the app to the TV and swipe together, or having a dating accountability partner who makes sure you’re actually going on those dates and not just leaving matches on read, you’ll learn how to turn the endless swiping into actual dating fun. It’s time replace love at first sight with love at first swipe!

Seeing How Dating Apps Have Changed the Dating World

To all my fellow ’90s babies, we’re officially old enough to start using phrases like “back in my day.” Back then, your options for meeting singles were pretty limited: Your best friend set you up with their co-worker’s cousin, you hit up the local church or community event for a “singles night,” or you relied on Steve, your neighborhood bartender, to be your unofficial matchmaker. Sure, there were a few dating apps like eHarmony, and Facebook messages from old flings were a thing, but the idea of having thousands of eligible singles at your fingertips? Unimaginable.

Fast forward to 2025, and dating has turned into something resembling a Black Friday sale — except instead of flat-screen TVs, you’re shopping for love. And those premium app fees? They might as well be the coupons to get a discounted soulmate. Now we have access to everyone (okay, not everyone, but it feels that way) from all over the world, each looking for something slightly different. A whirlwind of possibilities lies in the palm of our hands, but all this choice can lead to one big problem: dating paralysis. How do you pick “the one” when it feels like you’re endlessly swiping through the clearance rack of humanity?

Dating apps have revolutionized how we meet people, no doubt about it. According to a 2023 study, nearly 50 percent of couples now report meeting through dating apps, making it the most popular way to find love. And while it’s great to have this level of access, it’s also a double-edged sword. Swiping fatigue is real, people. There’s something overwhelming about having too many options, and let’s be honest — most of us are guilty of collecting matches like Pokémon cards, only to never message them back.

Here’s the kicker: Dating apps aren’t the problem. The problem is how we use them. They’re meant to be a tool, not a crutch. Just like GPS on your phone, apps are here to guide you, not drive the car for you. Swiping doesn’t replace the work of putting yourself out there in real life. You might feel like you’re making an effort because you matched with three people while bingeing Netflix, but if you never follow up or actually meet them, are you really trying? (Spoiler: You’re not.)

We’re in an exciting era where the best of both worlds can coexist. Dating apps give you access to people you might never meet otherwise, but they shouldn’t be your only strategy. Think of it this way: Apps are the plane to your destination of love, but the in-person stuff — flirting at a coffee shop, making conversation at a party — is what makes the trip worthwhile.

The secret isn’t choosing between apps and IRL connections. It’s using both. Treat dating apps as a supplement to your love life, not the entire buffet. Swipe, match, and message with intention — but don’t forget to close your phone, go outside, and let the magic happen in real life.

Using Dating Apps to Crush Your Relationship Goals

Dating apps are like the bread aisle at the grocery store — there are endless options, and everyone has a slightly different way they like their slice. They can help you find anything from a casual fling to a lifelong partner (or at least someone who won’t ghost you after you tell them you only sleep on the left side of the bed). The trick is knowing what kind of “bread” you’re looking for and using the app to your advantage. If you’re after a serious relationship, be intentional and make that clear on your profile. And please, for the love of all carbs, skip swiping right on the ripped shirtless photos, and gentlemen — don’t post them if you’re looking for a wife. No matter how good you look! Add prompts that reflect your goals, like “Looking for someone to share Sunday brunches and random road trips with.” For casual dating? Keep it playful and light, maybe something like “Professional third-wheel eliminator — apply within.” And if you’re somewhere in the middle (like most people), don’t overthink it — just be clear about wanting connection, whether it’s for a season or the long haul.

Choosing an app based on what you’re looking for

It’s helpful to know your intention, because that will guide you to the apps that best match your interests. For example, Tinder could be your focaccia — it’s versatile, globally loved, and has the largest network of singles, making it perfect for travelers dreaming of meeting their Italian love interest.

Bumble, on the other hand, is like brioche — soft, approachable, and great for anyone who loves to take the lead (especially women, who make the first move here).

If you’re into curated, thoughtful connections, Hinge is your sourdough: classic, reliable, and made to be savored — it even markets itself as “the app designed to be deleted.”

And then there’s the League, which is basically the gluten-free artisan loaf of dating apps — exclusive, niche, and definitely not for everyone, but some swear by it if you’re looking for elite networking vibes alongside potential love.

Communicating if you want a hookup, situationship, or serious commitment

Honestly, there are probably more dating apps than singles in the world, so you’re bound to find one that matches your vibe. And remember, whether you’re searching for a soulmate or just someone to share the last fries with, there’s no wrong way to use these apps — just don’t let the loaf go stale before you meet up!

When it comes to dating, communicating your intentions doesn’t have to feel like a visit to your therapist or a thesis on your emotional availability. Whether you're looking for something casual or a long-term romance, the key is honesty wrapped in a little charm. Instead of dropping a heavy “So, are you here for forever or just for fun?” mid-conversation, try keeping it natural. If you're into something serious, you can say, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you. I’m at a point where I’m looking for something meaningful. How about you?” Or if it’s a casual vibe you’re after, go with something light like “I’m here for good times and great company — let’s see where this goes!”

The goal is to make it clear without making it awkward — kind of like ordering at a restaurant. If you don’t tell the waiter how you like your steak, you might end up with something you didn’t want. Dating’s the same. Speak up, but make it easy, because nobody likes a confusing menu that has situationship written all over it.

Guarding Your Heart (and Health): Prioritizing Sexual Wellness

Dating apps have become a playground for all kinds of connections, including the — ahem — very casual ones. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with using apps to find a one-night stand (you’re an adult, after all), it’s important to keep both your heart and your health in check. Think of it like eating sushi — it’s fun, spicy, and spontaneous, but you also want to make sure the place has a health rating higher than your ex’s maturity level.

First, let’s talk about health. Whether it’s a casual hookup or a potential partner, protection is nonnegotiable. Pack those condoms like you pack your phone charger — always. And yes, if you’re sexually active, regular STI testing isn’t just responsible, it’s downright essential. Apps like Tinder and Bumble won’t send you a push notification about this, but trust me, your future self will thank you. Oh, and if they say, “Don’t worry, I’m clean,” smile politely and still wrap it up. Nothing kills the mood like a trust fall with someone else’s hygiene routine.

During a casual hookup, someone might try to persuade you with lines like “Condoms are such a turn-off,” or the classic “I just don’t enjoy it with them on.” Spoiler alert: This isn’t just a red flag — it’s a burning building, and you should be sprinting in the opposite direction. Respect for boundaries is the bare minimum anyone you’re intimate with should offer. If they’re pressuring you to forgo protection or dismissing your comfort and safety, they’ve shown you exactly who they are. And trust me, they’re not worth your time.

The reality is, only you will be sitting in that waiting room, anxiously waiting for test results, after deciding that the one-night stand who seemed cute enough to ditch your condom standards for was worth the risk. Spoiler: They weren’t. Nobody wants to feel the agonizing uncertainty of wondering if their health hangs on one decision made after a few drinks. Protect yourself — always. Just like you’d say a hard no to eating questionable sushi from a gas station, condoms should always be your hard line. No exceptions. Confidence is sexy, safety is essential, and putting your health first is never up for debate.

Now for your heart. One-night stands can be fun, liberating, and exactly what you’re looking for — as long as you’re honest with yourself about your intentions. Apps make it easy to swipe into bed with someone, but if you’re secretly hoping for breakfast dates and matching sweaters, make sure you’re on the same page before things get … cozy. Communication is sexy, and so is knowing when to say, “Hey, this is fun, but I’m looking for something more.”

Humor aside, prioritizing your sexual wellness isn’t about being boring or killing the vibe. It’s about enjoying yourself responsibly, whether that means finding sparks in a fling or pursuing something long-term. Because at the end of the day, the best connection — physical or emotional — is one that leaves you feeling good about yourself. And maybe ready to swipe again — this time with even more confidence.

Swipe Smarter, Not Harder: The Ultimate Setup Guide

You don’t need a marketing degree to date, but you do need to market yourself correctly on dating apps if you want high-quality matches. Think of your dating profile as a business card or a 30-second commercial that makes people want to get in line to date you. The key? Be your true self — but the best version of it. And no, that doesn’t mean slapping on heavy filters or using a picture from high school 20 years ago and pretending you’ve just “had a lot of Botox.”

The goal is to meet in person, so it’s crucial to stay true to who you are — both physically and personality-wise. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to date you? That being said, this section covers some tips to make your profile stand out (in a good way).

Photos: Because first impressions matter

I get it — putting pictures of yourself out there can be terrifying. You’ve asked everyone, from your mom to the deli guy, for their “expert” opinion on your photos. (Spoiler: The deli guy isn’t an expert, and your mom loves you no matter what.) The truth is, no one knows your best angles like you do, so pick photos you feel good about. I know when it comes to my profile I like to make it as tastefully curated as the Louvre.

Here are some tips to make your photo game strong:

Lighting is everything:

Make sure your photos have good lighting and actually show what you look like. Natural light works wonders.

No filter overload:

Avoid heavy filters and ancient photos — people are swiping for

you

, not a vintage version of you.

Keep it current:

Gained or lost weight? That’s life. Post pictures that reflect who you are now.

Three’s company: