OMG E-Book

Mr Sole

• Herausgeber: BookRix
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

O.M.G 
Authored with intent to address a situation which many women may be unfamiliar with—achieving orgasm. A clinical approach may be somewhat daunting for readers with a reduced knowledge in medical terminology—the alternative was to produce a master (bation) piece which could assist with a satirical approach and without the risk of inducing white-coat syndrome. A generous lengthy section on FAQ's and 'Do's & Dont's' may tickle your fancy – whilst...er...tickling your fancy. A compilation of information – albeit not encyclopedic in terms of volume, is too much to fit on a pamphlet.

Leseprobe

Mr Sole

OMG

"Kum ba yah"

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Introduction

*Remember: If you believe a woman's place is in the kitchen - that's where all the knives are stored. If you think your woman is just a hole to fill for your satisfaction, you should keep reading. On the positive side, nobody dies a virgin - life f*cks us all. Meeting somebody for the first time usually calls for an introduction out of politeness. Unfortunately—I have just learned another weakness. With that in mind, the following is intended to be as pain-free as possible by keeping it short, sweet, and humorous for all concerned. If you do feel offended by anything you read—just imagine how sexually unfulfilled partners feel?

As human beings, we may be low down on the food chain, but we certainly remain top of the thought chain.

The Importance Of Sexual Fulfilment

FACT: Sex takes the least amount of time yet causes the most amount of upset. Before TV and the internet, sex was a regular pastime - just ask all 25 of my brothers and sisters.

As humans, we sometimes dwell on problems and fail to address others. Out of a population of billions on planet earth, how many people are engaging properly in sex, or to a satisfactory standard?

*Don't worry, I haven't lured you in to preach at you. I have your attention thus far — and wish to keep it.

There will always be a point somewhere, for everything that happens. As in the case of the bible, a fitting example is the book of Genesis and all creation.

Adam and Eve, in the garden of Eden, happens to be the concept for the origin of mankind. However, it is generally well understood how basic reproduction works and what our private parts are for and sex – is without a doubt – the most important aspect of the evolutionary process, and more understandably, for human species who rely heavily on emotional needs. Yet, bizarrely, taboo attitudes around the subject of sex still remain because not everyone is open to expression—resulting in the issue of acceptance continues to be a problem with regard to sexual orientation. Perhaps, more concerning is the total absence of officially recognized literature and guidance on sexual satisfaction for females. Quite what Adam and Eve did with the apple to end up angering the Lord to the point of their castigation is not exactly set in stone. Science, speaks for itself.

Relationships, begin, and end every day. Lovers of all ages are everywhere swooning and dating, or pumping and dumping. Whether straight, gay or bisexual - it is your life, so don't let anyone stand in the way of your desire to be who you want. Years of determination, blood, sweat, and tears fought tirelessly – so you don't have to be that person who lies in the cemetery with regrets.

Being 'shacked up' is not for everybody, with some tending to prefer their own personal touch and rarely – if ever, becoming physically intimate with another. If you choose to be a w*nker – nobody should be the judge of you. Should you prefer sliding down the salami, or flicking the hat on the man in the boat to provide you with the sexual pleasure you need – that is your choice. Being the butt of jokes is not the end of the world. You do, at least, have the freedom to choose—which may or may not include someone to be a part of your fantasy. I could have Madonna every night of the week if I wanted to. I'll be honest – I don't! That isn't my loss. Is it?

What Qualifies Me?

Before anyone wants to shout allegations of quackery at me, I should advise: I am not a sex therapist or a marriage guide counselor and neither do I have a Ph.D. of any kind. Much of my personal experience comes from a knowledgeable approach and taking into consideration the many debates going on—and those which are not. The 'unsaid' can be more of a useful tool than the main conversation.

My biggest qualification lies in my own abilities. If you are looking to find out how to have a super knee-trembler but can't quite get your finger on it - look no further.

Remember, perseverance and sensuality are the keys to the best results.

History & Sex

A fits into B – a discovery made by our primitive ancestors, even before people could talk and argue the toss. Simply observing monkeys with their finger up their nose should explain things adequately. Although, I have yet to witness any roll it and flick it—which is a generally unacceptable trait. Oddly, no solicitors are available for such offensive behavior.

Onwards we go, and continuing with the theme of degradation: Derogatory form of sexual lingo has been in existence since The Victorian and Viking eras, and Shakespeare was known to have invented one or two of his own.

Slag

A woman who spends so much time on her back, she sees more ceilings than Michelangelo.

A term for a loose woman – not the regular presenters on ITV. However, the author cannot guarantee such a statement.

Mewling Quimm

A 19th century equivalent of naming somebody as a Pu**y or C*nt. Another word for a 'glory hole'.

Hedge Creeper

A prostitute with a career in the countryside. A green and conscientious whore.

Flap Doodle

Somebody who is either too old or too young for sexual relations.

Dolly Mop

A part-time prostitute or one who is a novice.

Bedswerver

A term for somebody who hops in and out of many beds.

Dirty Puzzle

A nasty and unpleasant prostitute.

Strumpet

One created by Shakespeare and a lingo heard often rolling from the tongues of pirates.

A prostitute or prominent female who partakes in lots of sexual acts.

Camp As A Row Of Tents

Australian slang for a gay person in the 19th century.

Mollisher

The wife or girlfriend of a gangster or criminal.

Wagtail

A promiscuous female.

Wandought

The old English word for impotence. "His wand ought to work, but it doesn't."

Dark Cully

A Victorian word used to describe men who sneak about at night to visit their mistress.

Sandsordin

A term used by Vikings for male on male rape.

Doxy

An English word for a wife or lover of a criminal in medieval times.

Yaldson

The male offspring of a prostitute.

Puterelle

French for a naughty woman.