Parenting For Dummies E-Book

Sandra Hardin Gookin

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 606

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

Written by parents for parents! We humans are pretty clever. We've mastered fire, invented the wheel, calculated the age of the Universe, sent people to the Moon, built machines that think, and cracked the genome. So you'd think that with all our smarts, somebody would've come up with a surefire formula for raising kids. Maybe that's because every child, like every parent, is an individual, and no two parent-child relationships are ever the same. So, you can give up any notions of being a perfect parent. But, you can learn to keep the big mistakes to a minimum and make the parenting enterprise easier and more rewarding for your children and you. Which is where this book comes in. Whether you're child is a newborn, a teen, or somewhere in-between, Parenting For Dummies gives you the scoop on parenting basics. From dealing with a crying baby and potty training, to building self-esteem and talking with them about sex, it offers a gold mine of up-to-date advice and guidance on how to: * Learn to communicate with your kids * Develop a good relationship with your kids * Keep your kids safe and healthy * Help your kids grow up to be good people * Keep your cool and control their behavior * Discipline constructively and with a minimum of stress * Build self-esteem in your children * Avoid committing the parenting sins your parents taught you Experts Sandy and Dan Gookin--she's the parenting expert for Parents Magazine and Working Mother Magazine and he's a father of four--avoid the psychological hype and medical terminology and give you the straight poop on all aspects of child-rearing, including: * Speaking and listening to kids * The importance of being consistent * Keeping a sense of humor * Dealing with babies * Childhood growth and development * Health and nutrition * Kids' changing physical needs * Developing a good person Parenting For Dummies gives you the know-how and skills you need to be the parent of healthy, happy kids.

Leseprobe

Parenting For Dummies

by Sandra Hardin Gookin

Edited by Dan Gookin

Parenting For Dummies®, 2nd Edition

Published byWiley Publishing, Inc. 111 River Street Hoboken, NJ 07030-5774 www.wiley.com

Copyright © 2007 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Indianapolis, Indiana

Published by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Indianapolis, Indiana

Published simultaneously in Canada

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2006927652

ISBN 978-0-7645-5418-6

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6

2B/RV/QS/QX/IN

About the Authors

Sandra Hardin Gookin is the mother of four boys. She holds a degree in speech communications from Oklahoma State University, and her background in communications has been the basis for her theories on parenting. That, plus lots of experience in parenting methods that not only work but are painless.

Sandy also is an accomplished computer book author. She has written such books as Windows XP Home Edition, I Didn’t Know You Could Do That, and PCs For Dummies Quick Reference. When Sandy isn’t busy writing and parenting, she’s an actress and theater director.

Dan Gookin has written more than 75 books about computers, and his works have been translated into 34 languages. Dan wrote the first “For Dummies” book (and many after that), so the light, humorous, and informative style of “For Dummies” books is Dan’s style. His most recent titles include PCs For Dummies, 8th Edition and Naked Windows XP.

Dan and Sandy currently live with their several boys in the as-yet-untamed state of Idaho.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to our four boys, Jordan, Simon, Jonah, and Jeremiah. Thank you for being the subject of inspection and prodding and poking and just a whole lot of fun. You make life worth living and you turn every day into an adventure.

Author’s Acknowledgments

It takes a lot of people to make a book. People you wouldn’t even know about, such as my parents; thank you Mom and Dad for helping with the kids when I had to lock myself in my office to get this book done so Norm, my editor, wouldn’t yell at me. Thank you also to contributing editors, Dr. Tim Cavell and Dr. Mary Jo Shaw. Your brilliance in your fields of expertise was very much appreciated.

Special thanks to Matt Wagner, my literary agent, for pushing this book through to its second edition. I am grateful for your persistence and patience.

And thank you to Norm Crampton, Editor Supreme, and Neil Johnson, my copy editor, for their ability to make me look smarter than I really am.

There are many people who contributed to this book whose names I don’t know — parents I’ve observed who were wonderful and kind to their kids and who gave me inspiration. I thank you all.

Publisher’s Acknowledgments

We’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registration form located at www.dummies.com/register/.

Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:

Acquisitions, Editorial, and Media Development

Project Editor: Norm Crampton

Acquisitions Editor: Pam Mourouzis

Copy Editor: Neil Johnson

Technical Editors: Beth Ann Martin, MD; Timothy Cavell, PhD

Editorial Manager: Christine Beck

Editorial Assistant: Melissa Bennett

Cover Photos: © IT Int’l/eStock Photography/Picture Quest

Composition Services

Project Coordinator: Erin Smith

Layout and Graphics: Stephanie D. Jumper, Jackie Nicholas, Jeremey Unger, Mary J. Virgin, Erin Zeltner

Proofreaders: Laura Albert, John Greenough, Andy Hollandbeck, Linda Quigley, Aptara

Indexer: Aptara

Publishing and Editorial for Technology Dummies

Richard Swadley, Vice President and Executive Group Publisher

Andy Cummings, Vice President and Publisher

Mary Bednarek, Executive Acquisitions Director

Mary C. Corder, Editorial Director

Publishing for Consumer Dummies

Diane Graves Steele, Vice President and Publisher

Joyce Pepple, Acquisitions Director

Composition Services

Gerry Fahey, Vice President of Production Services

Debbie Stailey, Director of Composition Services

Introduction

W elcome to Parenting For Dummies

I want you to learn how to develop a good relationship with your kids. I don’t want you to get so wrapped up in being a “parent” that you forget that the little tyke who just spilled flour all over the floor is someone who has the same wants and desires about the way he is treated as you do.

I want you to learn what invalidating your child’s feelings is like. Saying, “Get up, you’re not hurt” is telling your child that you don’t believe what she is telling you.

I want to help you to stop all the parenting sins you were taught by your parents.

I hope your baby grows up to be a very old person someday because you were smart enough to believe all the safety warnings out there and that you didn’t fall into that category of, “Oh, that’ll never happen to me.”

Of course, I’m hoping that you get even more from this book. More than anything, I hope that you’ll embrace your job as parent with open arms and realize what a gift and honor it is to be one of the fortunate few who really do understand that your job is the most important job in the world.

About This Book

This book was written with the sincere desire to coax you to look at parenting in a way that’s different from the way you may have been raised. In this book, a big emphasis is placed on communications and on developing a relationship with your child. But plenty of health and safety issues also are covered. I’ve tried to weed out the psychological hype and medical terminology, but you may find that I’ve had to include it from time to time. And, I’ve tried to limit the number of sappy stories about my own kids (although I have thrown in a few).

As with most For Dummies books, this one isn’t meant to be read from front to back, although it would please me tremendously if you read the entire thing from cover to cover. Although age-specific information is included for newborns and toddlers, this book is considered more of a reference for people who work with children of all ages. Each chapter has self-contained information about parenting. You don’t have to read the entire book to understand what’s going on; just go to the chapter and section that interests you.

You won’t learn the history of potty training in this book, or the psychological effects of bottlefeeding versus breast-feeding. But you will be equipped with excellent guidelines and helpful hints about getting your kids to bed, finding a good doctor, and making your home as safe as it can be. You know — practical stuff. The examples you’ll read in this book have really happened to our family. Why would you want to read a book on parenting from people who haven’t ever really parented?

Foolish Assumptions

The only assumption made in this book is that you have kids, are going to have kids, would like to have kids, know somebody who has kids, live next to somebody who has kids, or were, yourself, once a kid. Whatever the subject is when dealing with children, this is your reference.

For ourselves, you may notice that two people are listed on the cover. That’s right, we’re married, and we have four children (ages 7, 8, 9, and 15). So the information in the book has been practiced in real-world situations. It really works.

How This Book Is Organized

This book has seven major parts and 30 chapters. Inside each chapter are subsections that apply to the topic at hand. Even though this book is arranged so that you can pick it up and start reading from any point, this is how it reads from front to back:

Part I: The Basic Stuff You Must Know

This first section is the backbone of the whole parenting topic. It contains information about how to be consistent, follow through with your actions, and interact with your children — the basic, important stuff. There’s also a very important section on co-parenting.

Part II: Dealing with Babies

Babies are in a class by themselves, so they deserve their own special section (which we would have written in gender-neutral yellow, had we thought of it sooner). Breast-feeding and diapers and drooling and health concerns are all a little different for babies

Part III: Serving Your Child’s Physical Needs

This part of the book starts getting into parenting topics like food and nutrition, bathtime, bedtime, and the dreaded potty training.

Part IV: Seeing to Your Child’s Health and Safety

Safety! Nothing is more important than being organized and prepared for safety issues in your home and safety issues with childcare. This section also includes health issues such as finding a good doctor and living with dangerous elements like heat and cold.

Part V: Developing a Good Person

Your child wants to be treated with respect and like an individual human. That’s tougher than it may seem. If it were easy, parents would be doing it all the time. So I’ve dedicated a section on communication and interaction with your child. The sensitive subject of punishment and discipline also is addressed.

Part VI: The Part of Tens

Life can be a series of checklists if you look at it that way. And this section gives you those checklists. Ten things to do every day. Ten reminders from your conscience. Ten excellent resources for parents.

Part VII: Appendixes

Checklists and questionnaires galore. Appendixes A through E are replete with helpful checklists and questionnaires to get you through the tedious tasks of shopping, packing, and interviewing day-care and medical-care providers.

Icons Used in This Book

These are hints, guides, and suggestions that you won’t find in other books. They come from ourselves and other parents like us who know they work because we use or do them. These are things your grandmother would normally pass down to you.

A reminder so you don’t forget.

A reminder of what to look out for.

Names of books, phone numbers, or products that are currently used by these parents — who think that they’re great.

Quotes by people, some who are famous, most of whom are not.

Sidebars from My Guests

I have invited two guest contributors to this book. I picked these two people for a variety of reasons, but most important, because they represent the two areas of parenting that I believe are equally important: the physical health, safety, and well being, and the mental health and well being of your child.

Dr. Mary Jo Shaw is the pediatrician for my children and has been since the day they were born. Dr. Shaw has sprinkled real-life advice and guidance throughout this book. Dr. Shaw has practiced pediatrics in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, for 14 years. She is the mother of three children.

Dr. Tim Cavell is an associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Texas A&M University. He has conducted a tremendous amount of research on what parents can do to prevent children from becoming delinquent and how to handle difficult children. I think his advice and contributions add another great element to this book.

Contacting the Author

Yes, you are free to write to me. Feel free to tell me about your personal parenting adventures, how you’ve overcome some situations, or just to ask for more detailed information that may not be covered in this book.

The best way to contact me is through an online account. You can expect the fastest feedback that way. Obviously, this works best when you have a computer and modem.

Via the Internet, write to

[email protected]

Via the U.S. Postal Service (which was devised in the 18th century, by the way), address us:

Sandy & Dan Gookin P.O. Box 2697 Coeur d’Alene, ID 83816

Visit Our Web Site for Free Newsletters

Please visit our Web site at www.wambooli.com. You can sign up for a free weekly parenting newsletter or the free weekly computer tips newsletter. Just click on the newsletter link to subscribe to one or both of the newsletters.

Part I

The Basic Stuff You Must Know

In this part . . .

The Egyptians knew that to make the whole pyramid concept work, they had to start with a strong, solid base. This base had to be all-encompassing and broad enough to handle the weight of everything that went on top of it. Making a good pyramid took a long time. Many attempts at building pyramids failed, but those aren’t the structures that you see in pictures or get to tour.

This part serves as a solid base for building a parenting pyramid. The following six chapters provide you with information and guidelines that can help you construct the sturdy foundation upon which you can build a great relationship with your kids. As was true of the original pyramids, you’ll run into stumbling blocks when you work on your parenting skills. But, if you have a strong foundation, your kids can pile all kinds of stuff on you, and you’ll handle it just fine.

Chapter 1

The Parenting Game: Everyone’s a Winner

In This Chapter

Working at a job that you can never quit

Discovering the four duties of parenting

Honing the five basic parenting skills

A dmit it, you’re not in charge. Your children are. You know it, and worse yet, they know it. Children have a wonderful plan of attack: They draw you in, and then they pounce! They know exactly when to cry. They know precisely how to get you to say, “Yes.” They know the millisecond you’re no longer looking. Parenting is like playing a game of chess with an opponent who has an IQ of 300. You know they’re manipulating you, but as parents you don’t want to destroy your opponents — although sometimes the thought does cross your mind. You’re torn between wanting to love them and the bitter realities of having to raise them properly. You want to do what you think is right without resenting your child just because he or she is manipulating you.

Welcome to The Parenting Game.

Although at times you may yearn for it, the object of this game isn’t total victory, but rather a mutual solution that keeps everyone happy. You want to raise a child who turns into a well-adjusted adult, and you want to do it without being escorted away by men in white coats fitting you in a jacket that has sleeves long enough to wrap around you and tie behind your back. But you can’t play the game without the proper parenting skills. That’s precisely what this chapter shows you.