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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
Let Dummies be your wedding planner and get hitched without a hitch Planning A Wedding For Dummies covers everything you need to know to pull off the perfect celebration on your big day. This book even makes it fun! We take the stress out of wedding planning, simplifying the whole process and giving you the tools you need to plan and execute a memorable day. Send out those save-the-dates, manage any crisis that might arise on the day of, and everything in between. Dummies has your back. This friendly For Dummies book is your guide on the exciting journey of planning all the events leading up to the wedding, as well as post-wedding activities. Planning A Wedding For Dummies includes tips and checklists to keep you organized, whether you'll have 10 guests or 1,000 guests. * Break down the wedding planning process into simple steps, so you can stay on track * Laugh along as you read stories about real-life couples who have gone before you and gain insight into wedding day outcomes and scenarios * Keep everything in perspective to keep your wedding stress-free * Find worksheets and checklists to help you through budgeting and beyond With this perfect guide, you can plan a perfect wedding--and say "I do" on the best day of your life!
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Seitenzahl: 727
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
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Planning a Wedding For Dummies®
Published by: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030-5774, www.wiley.com
Copyright © 2022 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey
Published simultaneously in Canada
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Planning a Wedding For Dummies is not based on or derived from Wedding Planning For Dummies, 3rd Edition.
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Library of Congress Control Number: 2022938380
ISBN 978-1-119-88320-3 (pbk); ISBN 978-1-119-88325-8 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-119-88324-1 (ebk)
Planning a Wedding For Dummies®
To view this book's Cheat Sheet, simply go to www.dummies.com and search for “Planning a Wedding For Dummies Cheat Sheet” in the Search box.
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Introduction
About This Book
Foolish Assumptions
Icons Used in This Book
Beyond the Book
Where to Go from Here
Part 1: It’s YOUR Day!
Chapter 1: You Said Yes!
Congratulations, It’s Time to Celebrate
Living by the Three Ps of Wedding Planning
Enjoying the Planning Process
Picking the Perfect Date
Chapter 2: Sharing the Exciting News
Spreading the Word
Selecting Your Squad
Showers, Bashes, and Parties
Chapter 3: Everyone Has a Budget
Knowing What’s Most Important to You
Figuring Out Who’s Paying
What Does Your Budget Include?
Part 2: Taking Care of Logistics
Chapter 4: Your Day Is Only as Good as Your Team
Putting Your Plans in the Hands of Others
Selecting the Very Best Vendors
Marriage Isn’t the Only Bond You’re Entering Into: Contracts
Chapter 5: All-Inclusive Wedding Planning
What’s Actually Included?
Budget-Friendly or Budget Breaker?
Making It Your Own
Chapter 6: Location, Location, Location
Picking Your Perfect Ceremony and Reception Venue
Considering Indoor Event Venues
Knowing Your Options for Outdoor Events
Considering an All-Inclusive Wedding Venue: Pros and Cons
Chapter 7: Inviting Friends and Family
Deciding What Size Really Matters
Organizing Your Guest List
Getting the Word Out
Providing Helpful Handouts
Chapter 8: Adding Special Touches with Flowers
First Things First: Determining Your Style
Wearing and Carrying Floral Accents
Sprucing Up the Ceremony Space
Creating a Festive Feel at the Reception
Sample Flower Order
Part 3: Style Icon
Chapter 9: In Pursuit of Your Dream Dress
Selecting the Perfect Dress
Underneath It All: Picking the Proper Undergarments
From Head to Toe
Picking the Perfect Hairstyle
Makeup: How Much Is Too Much?
Chapter 10: What Everyone Else Will Be Wearing
Duds for Your Dude: The Groom’s Attire
Choosing Attire for the Bridal Party
Part 4: Ceremony To-Do’s
Chapter 11: Making Your Marriage Legal
Selecting Your Officiant
Heading to the Courthouse: Marriage License Protocol
Navigating Same-Sex Legalities
Changing Your Name
Chapter 12: Where the Magic Happens: Planning and Personalizing Your Ceremony
Deciding on Your Ceremony Celebration
Designing a Ceremony That Tells Your Love Story
Setting the Mood with Music
Additional Ceremony Must-Haves
Part 5: Let’s Party
Chapter 13: Celebrating After the Ceremony: The Reception
Setting the Tone
Examining the Elements of a Typical Reception
Making the Most of Your Time with a Reception Timeline
Chapter 14: What’s on the Menu?
Selecting the Caterer
Picking Your Preferred Type of Dinner Service
Thinking about What You Want to Eat
Let’s Drink to That
Chapter 15: Enjoying Your Party
Selecting the Perfect Entertainment
Your Grand Exit
Part 6: Wedding Weekend Events
Chapter 16: Practice Makes Perfect
Drawing Up the Master Plan for the Weekend
Distributing Your Master Plan
Walking through Who Stands Where and Says What
Informing Your Bridal Party
Enjoying Yourself at the Rehearsal Dinner
Rest and Recover for the Big Day
Chapter 17: Pre- and Post-Wedding Events
Bridal Party Activities
Brunch the Day After Your Wedding
Saying Goodbye to Family and Friends
Chapter 18: Honeymooning with your BFF
Thinking about Your Time of Travel
Selecting the Perfect Location
Working with a Travel Agent
Going Abroad
Packing for the Trip
Life After Wedding Planning
Part 7: The Part of Tens
Chapter 19: Ten Ways to Ensure a Bad Day
Don’t Set a Budget
Don’t Hire a Good Team
Skip the Timeline
Don’t Communicate the Plan
Invite Everyone You Know
Don’t Pick a Supportive Squad
Get Caught Up in the Drama
Ignore What You Want
Stop Dating Your Fiancé
Lose All Perspective
Chapter 20: Ten Reasons You’re Normal
Wedding Dress Frustration
Fiancé Frustration
Having Nightmares
Disappointed with the Bridal Party
Totally Obsessed with Checking the Weather
Practicing Your Facial Expressions
If You’re Totally Freaking Out
If You’re Drinking Too Much
If You’re Frustrated with Your Guests
If You Have Practiced the Kiss
Index
About the Author
Supplemental Images
Advertisement Page
Connect with Dummies
End User License Agreement
List of Tables
Chapter 1
TABLE 1-1 Sample Wedding Planning Checklist
Chapter 2
TABLE 2-1 Your Bridal Party
TABLE 2-2 Your Bridal Party Order
Chapter 3
TABLE 3-1 Loves/Dislikes from Your Friends’ Weddings
TABLE 3-2 Your Most Important/Least Important Parts of Your Wedding Day
TABLE 3-3 What’s Included in Your Wedding Budget?
TABLE 3-4 Sample Budget in Excel
TABLE 3-5 Budget Percentages
TABLE 3-6 Vendor Tip Percentages
Chapter 4
TABLE 4-1 Top Five Most Important Vendor Categories
TABLE 4-2 Top Five Most Important Vendor Categories
TABLE 4-3 When to Hire Your Vendors
TABLE 4-4 Your Flower and Decor Style
TABLE 4-5 Guest Transportation Example
Chapter 5
TABLE 5-1 Sample All-Inclusive Package (125 Guests)
TABLE 5-2 Breakdown of Actual Individual Costs (125 Guests)
TABLE 5-3 Items You Can Cut from an All-Inclusive Package
Chapter 7
TABLE 7-1 Sample Cost Per Person
TABLE 7-2 Sample Electronic Guest List Setup
TABLE 7-3 Sample Guest RSVP Setup
TABLE 7-4 Sample Guest Menu Selection Setup
TABLE 7-5 Table Sizes and Guest Capacity
Chapter 8
TABLE 8-1 Flower Order Breakdown Example
TABLE 8-2 Sample Flower Order
TABLE 8-3 How Many Bridal Flowers Do You Need?
Chapter 9
TABLE 9-1 Dress Colors and Meanings
TABLE 9-2 Dress Styles
TABLE 9-3 Standard Silhouettes
TABLE 9-4 Matching Dress Styles with Body Shape
TABLE 9-5 Dress Necklines
TABLE 9-6 Wedding Dress Train Styles
TABLE 9-7 Veil Types and Descriptions
TABLE 9-8 Dress Styles and Bra Types
TABLE 9-9 Headpiece Options and Descriptions
TABLE 9-10 Dress Necklines with Hairstyles
Chapter 10
TABLE 10-1 Bride’s Dress and Groom’s Attire
TABLE 10-2 Men’s Dress Codes and Attire Suggestions
TABLE 10-3 Seasons and Groom’s Attire Suggestions
TABLE 10-4 Groom’s Accessories Options
TABLE 10-5 Bridesmaids Attire Suggestions
Chapter 12
TABLE 12-1 Bridesmaids and Groomsmen Order
TABLE 12-2 Family Order
Chapter 13
TABLE 13-1 Reception Song Selections
TABLE 13-2 How to Determine Your Reception Timeline
TABLE 13-3 Sample Reception Schedule
Chapter 14
TABLE 14-1 Plated Seated Place Cards
TABLE 14-2 Plated Seated Guest List for Caterer
TABLE 14-3 Top 5 Meals You Love
Chapter 15
TABLE 15-1 Music Styles and Types
TABLE 15-2 Music Styles by Age Range
Chapter 16
TABLE 16-1 Day Before Wedding Day Schedule Sample
TABLE 16-2 Wedding Day Schedule Sample, with First Look
TABLE 16-3 Wedding Day Schedule Sample, No First Look
Chapter 18
TABLE 18-1 Top 10 Honeymoon Destination Costs
List of Illustrations
Chapter 4
FIGURE 4-1: Sample floor plan.
Chapter 6
FIGURE 6-1: Frame Tent versus Pole Tent
FIGURE 6-2: Sample tent size calculator.
Chapter 7
FIGURE 7-1: Sample Save-the-Date.
FIGURE 7-2: Sample RSVP Card
Chapter 8
FIGURE 8-1: Sample table setting.
Chapter 9
FIGURE 9-1: Visualize the perfect style for you to become a style icon.
FIGURE 9-2: Which one of the necklines is your perfect style?
FIGURE 9-3: Complete your ultimate bridal look with the perfect train and veil....
Chapter 16
FIGURE 16-1: Details document sample floor plan.
FIGURE 16-2: Bridal party order.
Guide
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Table of Contents
Begin Reading
Index
About the Author
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Introduction
Wedding planning isn’t stressful. I’m certain you have been told that it is, but that’s a lie. Planning a wedding should be one of the most memorable experiences in your life. It’s the beginning of something that will last a lifetime. The hard part was finding the person that you will begin a life journey with as partners. The wedding day is the first day of the rest of that life together.
The mission of Planning a Wedding For Dummies is to simplify the wedding planning process, break the myth that wedding planning is stressful, and give you the tools you need to plan and execute a perfect day. This is a day that you will remember for the rest of your life as the best day ever — if you’re willing to use the tools you will learn in this book. Oh, and in the meantime, enjoy the wedding planning process! I’m aware that’s a concept that many who plan a wedding don’t experience, but maybe they never read this book, so we’ll cut them some slack.
About This Book
Planning a Wedding For Dummies contains over two decades of knowledge, experience, and lessons learned through my career as a wedding planner. It is a process, and I have set it up in a way that will walk you through the process to planning a perfect wedding day. From choosing a venue to hiring your vendors to the dress, decor, and reception, this book has you covered!
This book was created with you in mind and designed to be a team-building experience with your partner. As you navigate the details, there will be times when one or the other of you will feel very passionate about something. When I say “passionate,” that really means it might end up in a knock-down-drag-out. And guess what: that’s okay. For some reason — which you probably won’t understand— it’s important to the other person. Embrace those opportunities to love each other more, and consider it an opportunity to problem-solve together. Try to understand the “why” behind the passion.
Foolish Assumptions
Generally, I know it’s not a good idea to make assumptions. But for this book, I’ve made a few to better serve your needs:
Your work duties and/or social calendar don’t allow you much free time to plan your wedding.
The thought of planning your wedding seems overwhelming and stressful.
You don’t know the first place to start when planning a wedding.
You want to make sure you’re maximizing your budget to be able to get as many items on your must-have list as possible.
You’re stuck on how many guests you should invite to your wedding and who should be in your bridal party.
Picking your wedding vendors seems like a daunting task with more options than you can manage.
You want to create the most amazing wedding day and enjoy the planning process.
Icons Used in This Book
Sometimes when reading a book, you need a little picture in the margin to get your attention because you really need to consider what I am about to say to you.
If you see a remember icon, it means that I want you to remember to do whatever I’m telling you to do. This way you won’t miss a step of the process to planning your perfect day. These icons are important to take note of and put on special list of things to remember.
This book is packed full of all kinds of tips, so if you see a tip icon, it is a very special tip! While writing the book, I thought, my new friend really needs to know this because it can save them money or help them avoid a problem or maybe even allow them to enjoy the wedding planning process!
In wedding planning and in life, if you see a warning — pay attention. If I put a warning in the book, it is to give you advice so bad things don’t happen. That is based on bad things happening to me through the years. Since we’re on this journey together, I don’t want them happening to you!
Beyond the Book
This book is packed with information, but sometimes, you just need more. If that is the case, there is an online Cheat Sheet available that points out the most important things to do when planning a perfect day. To access this informative Cheat Sheet, go to www.dummies.com and type Planning a Wedding For Dummies Cheat Sheet in the search box.
Additionally, I’ve added a sample detailed schedule of events on my website for you to use and customize. Just go to www.sarahlizabeth.com/planningaweddingfordummies
This schedule of events document is a vital part of planning a perfect day. Use it as a tool to create your own schedule of events.
Where to Go from Here
It’s time for your journey to begin. You may be wondering how to even start. Trust me, you are normal. When I created this book, I wanted it to be in a certain order. It is set up in the order that I would suggest you reading from cover to cover. Just as I would walk my clients through the process of planning their wedding, I have done the same for you in the layout.
However, you’re probably excited about your big day, and you want to skip to a chapter that’s on your mind. It’s okay to do that as well. Every part of your wedding planning process is only yours. You get to customize the experience. If you are someone who loves the process, start at the beginning and read to the end. If you don’t like structure, divide and conquer as you wish!
I want to thank you for coming along with me on this journey of planning your perfect day. Perfect is defined as “having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.” Through our journey together, my vow to you is to give you all the required elements, qualities, and characteristics to plan your wedding day. If you use them, you will have a day that’s as good as it can possibly be. Happy planning!
Part 1
It’s YOUR Day!
IN THIS PART …
Celebrating the fact that you said yes!
Enjoying the wedding planning process, including a sample wedding planning checklist
Determining your perfect wedding date
Spreading the exciting news
Selecting your squad and understanding their job requirements
Celebrating with showers and parties and registering for gifts
Determining your budget, figuring out who’s paying, and understanding fees, tips, and gratuities
Chapter 1
You Said Yes!
IN THIS CHAPTER
You’re getting married
How you can enjoy planning your wedding
Figuring out when to get married
Why hello there, my engaged friend. I want you to stop and take a minute to think about all the steps you have taken in your life. Think about all the paths that went right and you went left. Think about the perfect little plan you had for your life and what your life looks like today. Think about your fiancé and all the steps they took in their life to get to this point. It’s amazing to think about how all those steps led you to pick up this book, and now you’re planning your big day.
My job is to help you get to the steps when you’re walking down the aisle. Those steps right there are going to be fun! Yes, there will be bends, bumps, and roadblocks along the way but together we will plan day one of the many steps you will take together. In this chapter, we will celebrate that you’re engaged and break the myth that wedding planning is stressful. We will also work through picking your perfect wedding date. You know, the number that will be embroidered on a blanket one day? Yes, that one!
Congratulations, It’s Time to Celebrate
It’s official — you’re engaged and that’s something to celebrate! One of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make is who you’ll spend the rest of your life with. It’s the greatest partnership that you’ll have in life. So yes, it’s time to celebrate!
Get dressed up and go to dinner. Wear your nicest clothes and drink the expensive wine. If that isn’t your style, make a homecooked meal and light some candles. Regardless, take a minute to celebrate as a couple that you have decided to journey through this life together.
You already did the hard work; you picked the person who will be with you until the end, until death do you part. Before we jump into the wedding planning, which we will soon, take a few moments to be grateful that you’re about to go on an amazing journey of planning your big day. More than the day itself, you’re going to have an amazing marriage. That is really what we’re planning for.
We will talk about referrals and how valuable they are in picking your vendors later in the book. Just like referrals, start the celebration by hanging out with married friends. The knowledge you’ll gain for what comes after the wedding planning will be of value. Celebrate with those who know all about marriage. You will laugh and maybe cry but they’ll be able to give you all the intel on being and staying married.
Living by the Three Ps of Wedding Planning
I’ve been serving couples and their families from across the United States for almost two decades. Whenever there is a “passionate” moment, it isn’t because the linens are white instead of ivory. There is always a “why” behind the client’s reaction. When your partner is “passionate” about having hot chicken bites over bruschetta for an appetizer, maybe it’s because their grandmother always made the best hot chicken bites when they were a child. Or maybe that first dance song that you love and they hate takes them back to memories of an ex-partner who also loved that song. Whatever the reason, take my advice: no one will remember those small details. If you follow my simple steps to planning a perfect day, they’ll walk away from your wedding day knowing who you are as a couple.
Through the years, I’ve worked with my clients on the three Ps to wedding planning: perspective, process, and pause.
Perspective
If you don’t hear anything else I tell you, hear this. You must have perspective while planning your wedding day. Yes, it is a big day, and yes, you may have dreamed of this day since you were a little kid. However, it is the first day of what we hope is a lifetime together. Now, if I was dismissive about planning an amazing day, I’d be out of business. The point isn’t to negate the fact that you’re getting married, or that you want an amazing wedding day. The point in having perspective is that the real beauty is in the fact that you will be married. Let me say that again. You will be married at the end of the day, regardless of whether you have strawberry cake or chocolate cake, whether you serve your food on real china or disposable plates, or whether you have a band or a DJ. The real joy comes after day one, when you start living life together.
As you go through this journey of planning your wedding, I want you to always go back to that. When you find yourself stressing over whether you’ll offer fried chicken or baked chicken, remember that at the end of the day, you will be married. When your bridesmaids start bothering you with a million questions about things that you don’t feel they need to know, remember that you will be married. When you and your fiancé get in a fight over the seating chart, remember that you will be married. When it rains on your wedding day, remember that you will be married.
Yes, we can plan an amazing day together and we will; I have no doubt about that. But very often clients lose that perspective and never truly enjoy the process of the wedding day itself. You can get so caught up in the details that ultimately don’t matter that you lose focus on what’s most important. It’s an easy thing to do and happens to a lot of people, but as your friend, I encourage you to stay focused on the big picture — your marriage.
I once had a client who got so caught up in the details that when her wedding day finally arrived, she didn’t enjoy a single moment. When we first met, I could see this was going to happen to her and I started very early talking to her about perspective. She was being pulled in a million directions by everyone around her. She would call me when she got upset about the smallest things, all things that were completely out of her control.
When her wedding day arrived, it rained, and I lost her. Typically, when it rains on someone’s wedding day, I let them have their “moment.” I tell them that is it okay to be sad. No one wants rain on their wedding day, and the person who said it was good luck had a perfect beautiful day. They deserve to have a moment and if situations come up on your wedding day that are out of your control, you can have a moment. But after that, move on.
I watched her start to go downhill with each passing minute. Every time I checked on her, she got sadder and sadder. In the end, she was never able to get past the point that something was happening on her wedding day that she couldn’t control or change. So the rain won, stealing all her joy on the wedding day.
Another one of my clients experienced a power outage at the church due to a storm. We didn’t plan on what to do if the church lost power. I went in and spoke to this bride when the power went out. I was honestly expecting to see her sitting in a pile of tears. Instead, she looked up at me and said, “I’m just ready to marry my best friend.” I said to her, “Let’s do this!” and left the bridal suite to figure out logistically how we were going to pull off her wedding without power.
The church was full of guests sitting in a dark sanctuary. I walked up to the front of the church and said, “Hello, I’m Sarah the wedding planner. Normally, you don’t see me, but today we are going to work together to give this couple the best day ever. As you know, we don’t have any power, so as the bridal party enters the church, I want you to imagine the most beautiful music playing in the background. We aren’t going to delay and wait for the power to come back on; we are going to get these two amazing people married.”
The crowd cheered and I went back to line everyone up. As I sent the bridal party down the aisle, the guests started to hum, providing the music that we couldn’t play due to the power outage. It was one of the most beautiful moments I’ve seen in my career. It was time for the bride to enter the church.
My favorite moment at every wedding is one that few get to see: the moment when the bride is waiting to enter the ceremony. There is so much raw emotion and love in that moment. No matter whether she’s by herself or with her father or other family member, I always tell her to stop and take it all in. It’s the moment we have been planning for, and now it’s time.
As we stood there in that moment, her faced was filled with joy. She was about to marry her very best friend and it didn’t matter if the power was off. Yes, the songs we worked so hard to pick out wouldn’t be heard. Yes, the vows wouldn’t be heard because it was a big church, and we didn’t have any working microphones. But in that moment, she didn’t care because she was about to be married.
As I opened the doors and sent her down the aisle, I was sad for her. I was sad because she had the most amazing perspective and she deserved to have the power on. Well, wouldn’t you know, all of a sudden, the power came back on! I still get emotional even writing her story because to her, it didn’t matter. I wish everyone who’s planning a wedding could have that perspective. If you can keep that as your number one priority while planning your wedding, I can assure you, good things will happen.
A LESSON IN PERSPECTIVE
My grandparents were married September 13, 1949. On the day of their wedding, their photographer never showed up. They didn’t have a single picture from their wedding day. We don’t know how beautiful my grandmother was or even what her dress looked like. I’m certain my grandfather was very dapper in his suit, but we’ll never know.
What they did have was perspective. Their love story was unlike any I’ve seen in my lifetime. They loved, valued, and respected the other the way you read about but wonder if that kind of love actually exists. Well, it did exist for them, and together they had three sons, three daughters-in-law, nine grandchildren, and eighteen great-grandchildren. They lived a wonderful life honoring the other until they were separated by death.
My grandfather was an artist. I will never forget the Christmas morning we were all sitting around, and he shared with us the story of how their wedding photographer never showed up to their wedding. They were sad that they only had their memories, which were fading, to remember their day. My grandfather gave us all this picture he had drawn as a gift and a reminder that life is always about perspective. For us, as grandchildren, it was our picture, one we would remember forever. The important lesson that my grandfather wanted us to know was that it wasn’t about having beautiful photos of their wedding. The beautiful was in their love story.
Wiley Miller
Process
When I make flower arrangements for my clients, I have a process. I set out all the vases I need, and I start adding one type of flower to all the arrangements before I start on the next variation. There are amazing florists out there and they may or may not do the same thing, but in the end we both have beautiful floral arrangements. The same thing goes for wedding planning. What you are about to read is my process for planning a perfect day. It took me years to perfect my process but I own it. I challenge you to take the tools you will learn in this book and create your own process to plan a perfect day. Own that and you will have a successful wedding day.
Pause
I want you to stop right now and think about how this book ended up in your hands. Are you newly engaged, feeling overwhelmed, or just trying to make sure you are doing the right steps for a perfect day? Whatever the case, take a minute to stop and think about all the things that had to align in your life for you to be reading this book. Now go (I’ll wait).
Here is what I know. You will remember this moment when an author asked you to stop and think about why you were reading this book. Now, apply that to your wedding planning process, wedding weekend, wedding day, and honeymoon. If you take the time to stop in the middle of everything going on around you and mentally record the people around you, the flowers, the decor, the sounds, the laughter, the tears, you will remember your wedding day and all the events around and leading up to the big day. So often, I have seen couples walking through the day like a deer in headlights. Those clients never remember anything about the day. The ones who have been able to truly take in everything around them remember all the details. So, in the middle of the crazy, remember to pause and take it all in. You will thank me for that gift later.
Enjoying the Planning Process
So many books, blogs, and online resources tell you that planning a wedding is the most stressful thing you’ll ever do. But as I said in the introduction, planning a wedding should not be stressful. Planning a wedding should be an enjoyable experience, but often we get in our own way and complicate the process — we are the ones that make it stressful.
I once read that being a wedding planner was one of the top five most stressful jobs. Well, it is stressful, but only because I take on the stress so that my clients don’t have to. Through this book, I share my process of planning clients’ weddings so that you don’t have to stress while planning yours.
In this section we talk about setting boundaries with your family and friends as well as the importance of checking in with your fiancé and the value of premarital counseling. To eliminate the stress for you, I’m going to give you my wedding planning checklist that I use for every single client’s wedding. It’s my roadmap and will soon be yours!
Setting boundaries with family and friends
You’re so excited to get married and you’re sitting with your family one afternoon chatting about how the wedding planning is going. You start talking about the beautiful white flowers you’ve picked, because white flowers are your favorite, and someone in your family says, “I hate white flowers. Why would you pick white flowers?” All of a sudden, you’re second-guessing every decision you made. In this section we’ll talk about how it’s important to set boundaries with the ones you love the most while planning your wedding.
You’re planning your wedding. You are not planning the wedding of your parents, your bridal party, or your friends. This is your wedding, and it should reflect you as a couple. If you love white flowers, then you need to have white flowers. I cannot tell you how many clients have allowed outside influences to impact their big day — not just impact but completely ruin their wedding. You wedding day isn’t about anyone else other than the two of you. I know that is a very hard concept to understand when your outside influences are so strong, but please remember that this is about you, no one else.
I once watched a mother of the bride walk down the aisle while screaming profanities about the groom and how she didn’t like him. I couldn’t fathom what was happening right in front of my face. How could someone do this? How could anyone possibly think that this was the time to let everyone know what she thought about the person her daughter was about to marry? I stood there not knowing what to do. Was I supposed to tackle her, or just stand there and cry with the bride? How dare she do this to my friend!
That was a traumatic experience, but the fact is that people around you may often insert their thoughts and feelings about something you’re planning for the wedding. There is a reason for this. There is always a “why,” and I challenge you to find that out. It will open communication and help avoid problems down the road or aisle.
Why did this mom do this to her daughter? My guess is that from the time her daughter got engaged until the wedding, they never once spoke about the fact that mom didn’t like the groom. It was brewing inside and when she hit the aisle, everything came to the surface, and it was not good.
If your parents are paying for your wedding, it’s important to sit down with them and talk about whatever is important to them regarding your wedding. Ask them if they have any needs or expectations for the wedding. It’s an unbelievable gift that they’re paying for your wedding, so you need to have a conversation about their expectations. Ask them some of the following questions:
How many guests do you plan on inviting?
Do have a particular menu in mind?
Do you have an idea of what kind of entertainment you want to provide?
Is there anything that you want to see at the wedding?
Are you excited about the big day?
Do you have any reservations about the wedding day?
Having conversations with your parents will help you avoid any problems down the road. As the mother of three girls, I’m certain that I will be feeling all kinds of emotions when they get married. I hope that those emotions come out in a positive way. If they don’t, it’s most likely because I felt as though my opinion or voice didn’t matter. That is my “why.” I want my voice to matter.
Find out the “why” behind your parents’ opinion. Trust me, they have a reason why they hate white flowers. Acknowledge that and then explain to them how much you love white flowers and as much as you appreciate everything they’re doing for you, it’s important to you to have white flowers. Setting those boundaries early in the wedding planning process will help you plan the perfect day that reflects you and your fiancé.
In Chapter 2 we’ll talk about picking the perfect bridal party. They are your people. Some you have picked, and some are picked for you because they’re family. Regardless, you have them and everything that comes with them. My hope for you is that they behave, but what if they don’t? Too often, clients tell me stories about something one of their bridesmaids is doing or a groomsman who isn’t holding up to his job duties. Regardless of what the situation may be, it only stresses out the couple, leaving them frustrated and wishing they had picked a better squad.
Just as in marriage, communication is key to setting boundaries with your bridal party. Logistical details are all they need to know during the wedding planning process. Give them the specific information they’ll need, such as what to wear, when to arrive at the rehearsal, the time and location of the rehearsal dinner, and what time to be at the venue on the wedding day.
I know you’re excited about the details and you may want to share those. But please know that your bridal party will have opinions, so if you’re comfortable with listening to their opinions, then share away. It would be amazing if when you share details with them, they are excited and think your choices are the best possible choices. However, the frustration comes in when they offer their opinion and it upsets you. I don’t want that happening for you.
The main point I want you to hear is that there are so many special people in your life and that is amazing! All those people have opinions. Keep those boundaries up between your dreams and their opinions. This day is about the two of you and no one else, period. Respectfully listen and then filter out what isn’t of value to your wedding or doesn’t reflect who you are as a couple. Stay focused on your fiancé’s opinion and build a day for the two of you to enjoy because white flowers are your favorite!
Continuing to date your fiancé
Remember that time you and your fiancé used to date? You had butterflies just thinking about going out on the town together or cooking dinner at home. Now you’re in wedding planning mode and all you do is talk about the wedding. Your conversations may even end in a big fight because you can’t possibly understand why it’s important to your fiancé to play a certain song at the reception. You hate that song and don’t understand why they like it and there is no way you are playing that song, so you argue. In this section we’ll discuss the importance of dating the person you are going to marry and maintaining the relationship through the wedding planning process.
Wedding planning can cause stress in a relationship. It can be frustrating to disagree on the details or upsetting that they don’t seem to care about those details. You feel as though this should be the most important thing on their list of things to do, but maybe it isn’t. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, take a break from constantly talking about the wedding and go on a date. When you’re on that date, you are not allowed to talk about the wedding.
You’re planning an event and problem-solving together. This can bring up unexpected emotions because, let’s face it, planning a wedding is a big deal. But you’re both different people. One of you may be so excited about the details while the other feels stressed and overwhelmed. In your marriage, there will be decisions that you have to make together — big decisions like buying a house or car or starting a family.
The most important thing to do is to take care of your relationship through the wedding planning process. Like I’ve said, there is life after wedding planning, and you will be married. Take the time to continue to build your relationship outside of the wedding planning box. Think back to before you were engaged, and you spent time together. What did you do for fun? Make every effort possible to continue to do those things and focus on building your relationship.
In case you forgot what it’s like to go on a date with your fiancé, I put together a list of some fun team-building date night ideas. And remember, no wedding talk!
Camp out under the stars.
Build a bonfire together.
Recreate your first date.
Make something from scratch.
Plan a scavenger hunt.
Attend a paint or pottery class.
Make homemade pizza.
Do something that your fiancé loves to do and you don’t.
Build a fort in the living room, like when you were a kid.
Take a dance class together.
Considering premarital counseling
If I could gift every client something, it would be premarital counseling, because I believe it’s extremely valuable in preparing for your marriage. I understand that this may not be your cup of tea and that’s okay. In this section, we’ll talk about what it is, offer some advice, and see if it’s something you want to be a part of your wedding planning journey.
What is premarital counseling? Premarital counseling is a therapy with your fiancé prior to getting married. The main focuses are on defining marriage, dealing with past relationships, roles inside the marriage, money management, planning for a family, and communication in your marriage. Let’s talk a little more about each of those.
Defining marriage:
It’s important to discuss your expectations of marriage. If you’re going into the marriage with one expectation and your fiancé has a different expectation, this will cause tenson inside your marriage. Your expectations are formed by your past. What did you witness in your parents’ relationship? What do you see in your married friends’ relationships? You both have different influences, and it’s important to determine what your marriage definition is as a couple.
Dealing with past relationships:
We all have past relationships. Some have been very painful, and we continue to deal with that pain. You may carry emotions from the past into your marriage without even knowing you’re doing that. It’s important to understand what has worked and not worked for you in your past relationships to help your marriage thrive in a healthy environment.
Roles inside the marriage:
Our influences, good or bad, have defined what we feel are the roles inside of marriage. If you’re good at something such as accounting, then take care of the finances. If you’re a good cook, then take care of making dinner. Talk through the roles that each of you will play in your marriage. We all bring different strengths to the table and if you can figure those out and implement them, you both will feel valued.
Money management:
As you may already know, a lot of marriages end in divorce due to money problems. This can be due to a variety of reasons, such as poor money management or hiding money from your spouse. Money is a subject that few enjoy talking about, but it’s important to determine what your plan will be to handle your money as a couple.
Planning for a family:
You just got engaged and there’s a chance someone has already asked if you’re going to start a family. Well, what does your fiancé think of that? It does take two to tango, so make sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to planning for a family. The last thing you want is to think your fiancé wants to have children and then find out when you get married that they don’t.
Communication in your marriage:
I personally believe communication is the key ingredient to having an amazing marriage. So much can be lost in poor communication, and working with a therapist can help define your communication skills in a marriage. We all communicate in different ways, so understanding your partner’s way of communicating will benefit your marriage. It may not be like yours, and that’s okay. Remember, you are two different people with different influences.
If you do decide to do premarital counseling, I would suggest you do it with the person who is officiating your ceremony. There are multiple reasons why I would suggest this. First, you will be able to build a relationship with the person who is marrying you. You may need this relationship later down the road and they’ll have history with you from the beginning. They will also be able to speak about your relationship during your ceremony. I love when the officiants know the couple because they have seen them on good days and bad. They can personalize the ceremony in a way that someone who doesn’t know you as a couple can’t. (See the section “Selecting Your Officiant” in Chapter 11 for more about this.)
Make sure to check with your officiant prior to booking them to find out if they offer premarital counseling. If they do, ask them how many sessions you will have and what their availability is to make sure it aligns with your schedule. If they do not offer premarital counseling, reach out to your church or local community to connect with a trained and licensed premarital counselor. Remember, you are building the foundation for a lasting marriage. It’s important to ensure that when the storms of life come, your marriage can stand strong.
In most states, if you do premarital counseling with the person who is performing your ceremony, you can receive a discount on your marriage license fees. In Chapter 11 we will discuss in detail how to obtain a marriage license, but make a note that this could save you money. They will fill out a form stating that you did premarital counseling and then you will take that form with you when you get a marriage license.
I understand that some people just don’t like the idea of going to see a counselor. It shows weakness, right? Well, I think the complete opposite. I believe that seeking counseling means that you care about being your very best and dealing with the past that has influenced your future. Take care of your relationship in preparation for marriage. I highly recommend you consider premarital counseling.
Sample wedding planning checklist
Well, here it is, friend! My sample wedding planning checklist. This is the checklist I use with all my clients. Remember what I said in the introduction about process. Others have different processes, but this one is my process. In Table 1-1, I share with you my wedding planning checklist. Remember, this is just a sample. Don’t let it stress you out. If you’re behind, you can catch up! Adapt it to fit your needs and dreams for a seamless wedding planning process.
TABLE 1-1 Sample Wedding Planning Checklist
Timeline
Task
12+ months
Choose your date
Determine your guest size and guest list
Determine your budget
Book your venue
Hire a wedding planner, if needed
Book your photographer, caterer, and band or DJ
Pick your bridal party
9–11 months
Order your Save-the-Dates
Book your officiant and videographer
Pick the couple’s and bridal party attire
Mail your Save-the-Dates
6–8 months
Reserve hotel room blocks
Book your transportation
Hire your baker, bartender, rental company, and florist
Confirm your guest list
Create your wedding website
Create your registry
Order your invitations
Plan your honeymoon (and consider whether you want to ask for contributions to a honeymoon fund)
Purchase wedding bands
4–5 months
Order thank-you cards
Select your songs for prelude, cocktail hour, dinner, and dancing.
Book your honeymoon
Book your rehearsal dinner venue
2–3 months
Order your wedding favors
Book the honeymoon suite
Schedule your dress fittings
Schedule your trial hair and makeup
Purchase guestbook, cake cutter, champagne flutes, flower girl basket, and ring bearer pillow
Order menus and programs
Send out wedding invitations (2 months)
Send out rehearsal dinner invitations
1 month
Collect RSVPs
Write vows
Meet with officiant to go over the ceremony
Send the details to your vendors
Finalize seating arrangements
Print place cards
Put together welcome baskets
Get your marriage license
Purchase gifts for bridal party and parents
Schedule your final dress fitting
2 weeks
Give the final guest count to your vendors, especially the caterer
Make final payments to your vendors
Update your registry
Get a final cut or color
Check in with your bridal party to make sure they know the details
1 week
Pack for your honeymoon
Book a spa day
After the wedding
Send in marriage license
Make sure all the tuxes are returned
Start writing thank-you notes
Change your name
Take your dress to the cleaners or preservationist
Design a wedding album when you get your pictures
Think about the best day ever repeatedly
Enjoy being MARRIED!
Picking the Perfect Date
Oh, the perfect date, the one you will remember forever. You celebrate it on every anniversary, and you embroider it on a pillow. But how do you pick the perfect date? In this section we’ll discuss some topics that might determine that for you and how you’ll have a date that you’ll remember for the rest of your life.
Picking a date is typically one of the first things you’ll do, which is very exciting. You would think picking a day would be simple, but for some it’s quite complicated because there’s a lot to consider. Just remember, it’s supposed to be fun! Think about those who have had to reschedule or postpone their weddings — they had to go through the process all over again.
Here are some things to consider when determining your perfect date:
Time of year: If you’re someone who knows without a doubt that the summer is out because you sweat so much, then maybe the fall is more your style. What time of year is your favorite? Do you love the spring when everything is in bloom? Do you love how the leaves change colors in the fall? Remember, everything you do reflects on you as a couple, so if fall is your favorite, pick a fall date! Focus on your favorite time of year and start there.
Another thing to consider when thinking about the time of year is the likely weather. Yes, the spring is beautiful, but it rains a lot. The saying is true: April showers bring May flowers. Depending on where you’re getting married, picking the perfect date may involve considering if there is a rainy season, or you don’t like snow and want to avoid a blizzard on your wedding day. Here in the south July is crazy hot, so we don’t do a lot of weddings during that month because you can hardly walk outside.
Life:
What do you do for a living? Are you a teacher who has the summer off? Maybe that’s a good time to get married. Did you start a new job and don’t have any time off for a certain period of time? Consider what your life looks like when you’re picking the perfect date. Your life might determine the time you have to put into planning a wedding and taking time off to get married.
Venue availability:
We will talk in detail in
Chapter 6
about picking the very best venue for your big day. Often your perfect date will be determined by the venue’s availability. You can’t have a wedding if the venue isn’t available. When you do tour venues and fall in love with one, make sure to have several perfect dates in mind so that you don’t have your heart set on a date that isn’t available. I’ve seen it happen repeatedly. The client wants a very specific date but the venue they love isn’t available. They never seen to get past that, and I don’t want that happening to you.
Different rates:
Venues often charge less for a weekday or Sunday wedding. If you’re looking to save money, consider a day other than Saturday. Saturdays tend to have the highest rate because that’s the most popular day. If you do pick an alternative day to save money, don’t forget to check in with your bridal party. They may not be able to travel for a Friday wedding because they would have to take off two days for work. It may be a good way to save money, but if your best friend who you can’t imagine not being at your wedding can’t make it, then it’s not worth the savings.
Cool numbers:
Finding a date that’s easy to remember within that calendar year (such as 02-12-22 or 11-11-11) is a popular approach. These are so much fun, but you should know that everyone else is thinking the exact same thing. Those are typically the first dates booked. If you’re set on a cool number, be aware that someone else may have the same idea and it might prove difficult to book a venue for that date. The additional vendors that you need may already be booked as well.
Holidays:
Holidays are always a fun time to get married. New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July are the most popular — probably because of the fireworks. Clients typically have the mindset that if it’s a holiday, everyone will be off work, which means they can attend the wedding. If you do plan a holiday wedding, make sure to notify your guests as soon as possible. Your guests may have booked their holiday weekends far in advance because it may be the only time they get off work. When booking a holiday wedding, be thoughtful of religious holidays and Mother’s and Father’s Day. The people you’re inviting may love you like family, but they may want to be with their family on those days.
Regardless of what your date may be, I am here to help you make it a perfect day. Don’t forget to celebrate your engagement, enjoy the planning process, and date your fiancé. It’s the foundation of a perfect day.
