Raising Happy Children For Dummies E-Book

Sue Atkins

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 567

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

Every parent would like to have a happy, well- behaved child - but every parent also knows this is not often a reality! Raising Happy Children For Dummies helps you better understand your children - from toddler to teen, boys and girls - and is packed with practical tips from an experienced parenting coach to improve your parenting, your child's happiness and as a result, their behaviour. The book helps you explore your own parenting skills, helps you to define what changes you may need to make and provides advice on how to implement new parenting habits to improve you and your family's relationships. Covering both day-to-day parenting and offering extra advice on how to help your children deal with life's tougher challenges, this is a down to earth guide from a parenting coach and mother of two, Sue Atkins. Raising Happy Children For Dummies covers: * Becoming a Confident Parent * Knowing What Kind of Parent You Are - and Want to Become * Understanding Your Kids' Needs * Beginning with the End in Mind: Establishing Goals for Your Family * Communicating Effectively and Connecting with Your Children * Approaching Parenting With Common Sense * Maintaining Great Relationships * Getting Down to Earth and Practical: Disciplining Your Kids * Choosing Different Strategies for Different Ages * When the Going Gets Tough: Handling Conflict * Coping With School * Helping Your Child Cope with Individual Problems * Helping Your Child Cope with Bigger Issues * Raising Children with Unique and Special Needs * Raising Twins, Triplets, and Multiple-Birth Children * Ten Things to Do Every Single Day as a Parent * Ten Techniques to Build a Happy Home * Ten Things to Do When it All Goes Pear-Shaped * Ten (or so) Top Resources for Parents

Leseprobe

Raising Happy Children For Dummies®

by Sue Atkins

Raising Happy Children For Dummies®

Published byJohn Wiley & Sons, LtdThe AtriumSouthern GateChichesterWest SussexPO19 8SQEngland

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British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-0-470-05978-4

Printed and bound in Great Britain by Bell & Bain Ltd, Glasgow

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

About the Author

Sue Atkins is a working mother of two children and was a former teacher and Deputy Head. She studied for her B.Ed (Hons) teaching degree at St. Mary’s College, London, and has a diploma in life coaching from the Coaching Academy. She is also a neuro-linguistic programming Master Practitioner and trainer.

She set up Positive Parents – Confident Kids Coaching Ltd in order to develop her passion for helping parents to build self-esteem in themselves and their children.

Sue has written and published a number of books on self-esteem, parenting toddlers, and bringing up teenagers (Music for the Soul: The Gift of Self Esteem, Are We There Yet? The Magic of Looking Under Stones and Finding Fairies!, If Men Are from Mars and Women are from Venus, Then What Planet’s My Teenager On?).

She has also written a number of journals for parents and teenagers: The Positive Parent Journal, Keeping All the Balls in the Air Journal for working parents, and The Confident Kids Toolkit.

Sue is passionate about making life with children easier and more rewarding, and is enthusiastic about helping parents to bring up happy, confident, well-balanced adults; today’s children – tomorrow’s future.

By introducing parents to new ways of thinking about themselves and their family relationships through one to one coaching, seminars, and books, Sue helps parents and their children to move forward and create positive change. In addition to running one to one parent coaching sessions, she is a regular speaker at events and workshops throughout the UK.

Sue enjoys salsa dancing (particularly round the kitchen table), singing loudly in the car, and lives on a farm in Surrey with her family, three dogs, two cats, and a hamster called Strawberry.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Will and Molly, my two wonderful children, and was inspired by my Dad and Mum who both passed away recently. My parents gave me the gift of self-esteem and the magic of realising that life is what you make it.

Author’s Acknowledgements

I’d like to thank my long-suffering husband Kevin for cooking, cleaning, and ironing while I became absorbed in writing this book. Also for his ability to sniff out lost commas and for his total support while I went on amazing NLP courses, and talked incessantly late into the night about making a difference in the world.

Special thanks to Dominic Demolder for all his technical support and formatting – I really must get the hang of the technical side of life one day.

Thanks to my wonderful friends and family who inspire me, make me laugh, and put up with me hogging the SingStar karaoke machine at parties. Thanks to all the children I’ve had the pleasure of teaching throughout my career – you really are the special ones.

Publisher’s Acknowledgements

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Cover Photos: © Tomas Rodriguez/Veer/ Corbis

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Contents

Title

Introduction

About This Book

Conventions Used in This Book

How This Book Is Organised

Icons Used in This book

Where to Go from Here

Part I : Understanding Your Children and Yourself

Chapter 1: Becoming a Confident Parent

Taking Control

Planning Ahead

Making Some Changes

Taking Action

Bringing Back the Bounce in Your Parenting

Chapter 2: Knowing What Kind of Parent You Are – and Want to Become

Considering Your Parenting Values and Influences

Developing Awareness

Chapter 3: Understanding Your Kids’ Needs

Exploring Your Child’s Needs

Addressing Security and Stability Needs

Addressing Emotional Needs: All You Need Is Love

Realising the Differences between Girls’ and Boys’ Needs

Understanding Your Child as an Individual

Part II : Improving Your Basic Parenting Skills

Chapter 4: Beginning with the End in Mind: Establishing Goals for Your Family

Working Out What Your Family is All About

Involving the Entire Family

Staying Hopeful

Chapter 5: Communicating Effectively and Connecting with Your Children

Looking at Ways You Communicate

Helping Your Children Handle Their Feelings

Praising Your Children Effectively

Gaining Co-operation from Your Children

Helping Your Kids Gain Independence

Chapter 6: Approaching Parenting With Common Sense

Seeing Life through Others’ Eyes

Adapting to Changes as Children Grow

Building Up Your Child’s Self-esteem

Choosing Your Battles

Creating Independent Adults

Chapter 7: Maintaining Great Relationships

Keeping Your Relationships Healthy

Being a Single Parent

Part III : Discipline

Chapter 8: Getting Down to Earth and Practical: Disciplining Your Kids

Understanding Your Child’s Behaviour

Comparing Discipline Styles

Getting the Behaviour You Want

Setting Boundaries

Developing Consistency

Tips for Successful Discipline

Chapter 9: Choosing Different Strategies for Different Ages

Taming Toddlers

Navigating the Middle Years

Surviving the Teenage Years

Chapter 10: When the Going Gets Tough: Handling Conflict

Responding to an Attention- Seeking Child

Responding to Children who Need Power

Responding to a Revenge-Seeking Child

Responding to a Child Who Can’t Concentrate

Responding to a Child who Lacks Self-Confidence

Considering Smacking

Keeping Your Temper under Control

Helping Your Child Stay Calm

Part IV : Helping Your Child Cope with Common Problems

Chapter 11: Coping with School

Getting Ready for Primary School

Starting Secondary School

Staying Involved and Connected

Struggling at School

Structuring Studying

Forging Friendships

Dealing with Tough Times

Chapter 12: Helping Your Child Cope with Individual Problems

Coping with Bad Dreams

Beating Bedwetting

Defeating Bullying

Dealing with Phobias

Surviving Puberty

Chapter 13: Helping Your Child Cope with Bigger Issues

Navigating through Divorce

Building Healthy Stepfamilies

Working and Parenting

Tempering Sibling Rivalry

Responding to Death and Dying

Part V : Being Different

Chapter 14: Raising Children with Unique and Special Needs

Understanding Your Child’s Diagnosis

Dyslexia

ADD/ADHD

Dyspraxia: The Clumsy Child

Asperger’s Syndrome

Gifted and Talented

Chapter 15: Raising Twins, Triplets, and Multiple-Birth Children

Preparing for Multiple Births

Bringing Home Your Multiple Bundles of Joy

Developing Twin-dividuality

Making Me Time

Part VI : The Part of Tens

Chapter 16: Ten Things to Do Every Single Day as a Parent

Be Loving

Act as a Role Model

Involve Yourself in Your Child’s Life

Focus on Flexibility

Set Boundaries and Rules

Be Consistent

Encourage Independence

Be Firm and Fair in Your Discipline

Listen First, Talk Later

Respect Your Child

Chapter 17: Ten Techniques to Build a Happy Home

Play with Your Child

Teach Your Child to Be Organised

Speak Softly and Gently

Be Patient

Respect Privacy and Personal Space

Tell the Truth

Keep Your Child Safe

Laugh a Lot

Know Where Your Child Is

Tell Your Kids the Truly Important Things

Chapter 18: Ten Things to Do When It All Goes Pear-Shaped

Get Help When You Need It – in the Way You Need It

Address Postnatal Depression

Manage Your Anger

Deal with Stress

Get Discipline Back On Track

Keep the Glow in All Your Relationships

Get into a Positive State

Get Physical

Be Flexible

Celebrate Your Successes

Chapter 19: Ten (or so) Top Resources for Parents

: Further Reading

Introduction

Bringing up children is a challenging, frustrating, and exhausting job because kids don’t come with a handbook. But if they did, I hope Raising Happy Children For Dummies would be the one that at least helps you feel more confident about your parenting and gives you information to support and encourage you, and make you laugh along the way.

Parenting is the most important job that you’ll ever do but is also the one few ever get any preparation for. Ironically, most people invest in everything except learning the skills needed for raising happy, confident, and well- balanced children.

The speed, pressure, and stress of modern living means you never seem to have enough time. These are different times – certainly different from your own childhood memories and experiences. Today’s culture is about having it all and having it now. Children face the dangers of Internet chat rooms, exposure to recreational drugs, binge drinking, and casual sex. They spend vast amounts of time in front of screens – PlayStation, MSN, and the computer. And despite an abundance of other things they could do, they always appear bored.

My aims for you as you read this book are to:

Develop a really wonderful and fulfilling relationship with your child that lasts a lifetime.

Discover new ways to enjoy parenting your child.

Find ways to communicate easily and effectively with your child, no matter what her age.

Bring out the best in your child – and also discover the best in you.

Explore new skills and choices in your parenting approach and style.

Grow, change, and laugh together with your child and partner as you all go through this journey of family life.

Realise that respecting each other as individuals is the magic that glues you all together.

About This Book

This book was written from the passion I feel for children deserving to grow up with true self-esteem so they can become happy, confident, well-balanced adults. Children are tomorrow’s future, one that creates a ripple in a pond of good parents. Happy children can become adults able to become whatever they want in life – unique and special in their own way.

You may be reading this book because you’re thinking of starting a family, you’re interested in picking up some new ideas, or you’re going through a time of change and transition. Whatever your reasons, I believe you want to do a great job. You may have done a great job up to now, but perhaps you want to re-energise your family relationships or to feel more in control of your family life. Whatever your situation, if you care about developing effective parenting skills, this book is for you.

Many, many theories, experts, and books exist out there giving wonderful advice for raising children, but I think they overlook one crucial thing – every family is different, unique, and special. My perspective as a parent coach is to support you in discovering that all the answers lie within you.

I believe that you are the real expert for your own family, but at times I offer you advice based on parenting skills regarded as good practice. I also offer you my own experience as a deputy head and class teacher for 22 years and a mum of two children, aged 11 and 13. I am still a work in progress (as my daughter occasionally likes to point out to me).

My philosophy is simple: Your child deserves the best. She deserves you to be the best parent you can be. I hope through reading this book you develop more choices and can make new and different decisions based always on your best intentions for your child.

My approach is coaching-based, so I often ask questions to help you find your own answers to your family’s needs and personal style. Parent coaching is a non-judgemental, confidential, and non-critical way to explore your parenting. My intention is to help you bring youranswers to the surface and to help you gain clarity, direction, and confidence in your parenting.

I have tried to keep this book simple and easy to read, so it feels like I’m a friend talking common sense not jargon (but you are actually discovering something valuable and useful along the way). I believe all parents do their best, but sometimes you just can’t see the wood for the trees – because it is your life! This book is an attempt to help you take a step back, see the wood, and maybe even smell the flowers!

Conventions Used in This Book

To help you navigate through this book, I set up a few conventions:

Italics are used for emphasis and to highlight new words, or define terms.

Bold text indicates the key concept in a list.

Monofont is used for Web and e-mail addresses.

I use alternate male and female pronouns in the chapters to be fair to both genders.

How This Book Is Organised

This book has 19 chapters and 6 main parts.

Inside each chapter you find sub-sections that apply to that topic to make this book easier to pick up, find, and read topics that are relevant to you. Feel free to just dip in and out as needed.

Part I: Understanding Your Children and Yourself

This part is the solid foundation of all parenting. It contains the bigger picture – or the destination – of your parenting and helps you focus on what’s really important to you. You discover how to make changes and gain courage to try out new ideas and fresh approaches. It also looks at the influences on your parenting and your parenting styles.

The part also looks at understanding your challenges and successes as a parent and helps you understand yourself better. You can identify the things you’re good at and love about being a parent, while also pinpointing what you find difficult and a challenge.

You also gain an insight into actually understanding your kids – the differences between girls and boys, what children want from you as a parent, and what they really need from you, too.

Part II: Improving Your Basic Parenting Skills

This part seeks to improve the fundamentals of parenting by helping you better manage your family’s day-to-day routines. It looks at how to build the ‘we’ mentality of your family, which builds up the solid foundations of security and stability for your children.

Effective and successful communication skills, including listening more attentively, praising specifically, and gaining co-operation from your child easily, are all essential skills for parenting that I cover in detail in this section.

I also cover ways to remain flexible in your parenting, adapting to and recognising the changes occurring in your child as she develops independence. I discuss how to accept the changes as both you and your child grow and develop together.

The part also looks at the world of parenting from an adult point of view and helps you find balance in your parenting. I offer ideas for examining and revitalising your adult relationships, analysing your free time, and making sure you look after your own needs.

Part III: Discipline

Different styles and approaches to discipline exist. The chapters in this part look at your type of discipline, the way you react to your children, and what is acceptable or not acceptable behaviour for you as a parent. It explores boundary setting, loving discipline, and how to create rules to fit your family that you all understand and can keep to.

The part looks at different strategies for parenting different age children – from toddler to teenager. You also find out how to focus on positive ways to handle conflict and to gain co-operation from any age of child.

Part IV: Helping Your Child Cope with Common Problems

This part explores problems that children often have to contend with, such as the school-related issues of friendship, bullying, and exam pressure. Other issues I address include handling disappointment, bedwetting, bad dreams, and the changes occurring around puberty. It also explores bigger issues such as divorce, sibling rivalry, and bereavement.

Part V: Being Different

Having a unique or special needs child affects the whole family. This part looks at the process of diagnosis and support, as well as common features of ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, Asperger’s syndrome, and gifted children. I also discuss the joys and challenges involved in having twins, triplets, and other multiple births.

Part VI: The Part of Tens

In the Part of Tens you find some quick and easy positive parenting principles to live by: Ten ideas to build a happy home, ten things to do every day, ten things to do when it all goes pear-shaped, and ten great resources to support you in the day-to-day parenting maze!

Icons Used in This book

Take a second look at these little reminders – so you don’t forget! This icon highlights overall strategies to constantly bear in mind as you work to develop new parenting skills.

Pay attention to these practical suggestions to help you raise happy children.

This icon highlights anecdotes from my own life, and from my experiences working with parents and children in teaching and coaching.

Look for these positive ideas to help you remain optimistic in your parenting.

Watch out for these bits of information. The bomb draws your attention to behaviour to avoid when dealing with your kids.

Enjoy these inspiring (and sometimes silly) quotes by other people – some who are famous and some who are not!

Where to Go from Here

As with most For Dummies books, you don’t need to read this entire book from cover to cover. Perhaps some sections don’t really apply to you at the moment or you just need ideas to deal with a specific situation. I’ve tried to include age-specific information where I think it’s useful or relevant and kept to more general principles in other parts.

Read the chapters from first to last – or in any order you want.

If you have a question that’s not covered in this book, feel free to contact me. Perhaps you want to find out more about parent coaching as a positive way to help you bring up your children. The best way to contact me is through my Web site at www.positive-parents.com. At my Web site, you can sign up for a free monthly parenting newsletter full of practical tips and interesting suggestions.

Part I

Understanding Your Children and Yourself

In this part . . .

Rome wasn’t built in a day – houses without solid foundations and properly drawn up plans fall down, and it’s the same with raising kids. They need a foundation to grow from and you need a plan so that you know where to start from and how it’s all supposed to look in the end! I’m going to help you become the architect of your family’s future. The first way to do this is to understand your children and understand yourself as a parent.

Chapter 1

Becoming a Confident Parent

In This Chapter

Following the confident parenting formula

Getting in the driver’s seat

Planning and focusing on goals

Becoming a better decision maker

Making positive changes

Taking action

Let me tell you the secret about being a confident parent: There really is no secret.

In fact being a confident parent is really a simple concept, but perhaps one you just hadn’t thought of. Confident parenting involves:

Taking control of your parenting.

Planning what you want to achieve and focusing on it.

Deciding to make some changes.

Taking action.

You see, simple!

This chapter considers each critical action involved in becoming a confident parent.

Become a better parent through parent coaching

I’m passionate about parenting and helping other people develop their confidence and skills as parents. Since starting my company Positive Parents – Confident Kids Coaching I’ve been very honoured to have worked with many parents, making amazing changes and improvements in their family life.

Parents often find that parent coaching is a life-changing experience because – at last! – they find a practical and positiveway to move their parenting from where it’s stuck to where they want it to be.

Parent coaching isn’t counselling or therapy but a way to get ordinary parents back into the driving seat of their family relationships and to assume control of their lives. Just as a fitness coach gets your body into shape, a parent coach fine-tunes your parenting by providing a structure to help you focus on practical solutions that help you move forward and create change. Parent coaching is also non-judgemental, non-critical, totally confidential, and can be great fun. Put simply, parent coaching is a series of conversations one person has with another but with a purpose.