Rebooting Your Brain E-Book

David Naylor

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 428

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Learn--and teach others--to embrace change and collaboration In Rebooting Your Brain: Using Motivational Intelligence to Adjust Your Mindset, Reach Your Goals, and Realize Unlimited Success, leadership development and sales expert, David Naylor delivers an incisive exploration of why people struggle and how to escape the shackles that hold individuals and organizations back. Leveraging the latest insights of cognitive psychology, neuroscience, and evolutionary biology, the book presents an easy to leverage framework that allows people to understand the exact steps necessary to let go the limiting beliefs and perspectives that create unhappiness, dissatisfaction and mediocrity. Relying on the author's unique and effective 2logical motivational intelligence-based solutions, readers will discover how to build greater success in both their career and personal life. Readers will also find: * Explorations of what holds people back and how to remove those obstacles * Strategies for promoting and encouraging accountability, open-mindedness, listening, reflection, engagement, and drive * Techniques for reducing or eliminating risk aversion, closed-mindedness, negative attitudes, fear and instant gratification bias An essential and practical book perfect for team leaders, managers, executives, directors, and other business leaders, Rebooting Your Brain is the evidence- and cognitive science-based resource that leaders everywhere have been waiting for.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Preface

PART 1: When Everything Changed

CHAPTER 1: My Reboot

My Broken Brain

Then It All Changed

The Outcome of My Reboot

CHAPTER 2: Doing Your Own Reboot

CHAPTER 3: The Brain You Were Born With

Looking in the Mirror at the “You” of Your Youth

Letting Go of the Fear of Failing

CHAPTER 4: What Goes Wrong with Our Brain and Why?

Broadening Our Perspective on Ourselves

Understanding the Aspects of “You” That Evolution Cares About

Your Survivor Brain

Your Communicator Brain

Your Solver/Critical Brain

What Evolution Handed You and Me

CHAPTER 5: Modern Life with Our Ancient Mind

PART 2: Becoming the New You: Your Mental Reboot

CHAPTER 6: For Your Reboot: The Power of Choice Is Your Most Important Asset

The Power of What We Choose to Believe

The Challenge with Choice

The Journey Ahead: Making Our Most Important Choices

CHAPTER 7: Rebooting Your Control of You

Recognizing When Victim Thinking Knocks at the Door

What Is Ultimate Responsibility?

Taking Ownership of You?

Your Obstacles Form the Foundation of Your Success

Shifting Our Perspective on Control

Stand Up and Take Control

CHAPTER 8: Rebooting Your Limitless Ability to Learn

Adversities Will Always Arise and Problems Will Always Present Themselves

Shifting Our Perspective on Learning

Reflecting on How We Are Reflecting

CHAPTER 9: Rebooting Your Thought Process

Why Are Our Thoughts So Powerful?

Creating a New and Better Plan

Living Our Life According to Our Plans

Changing Our Mind

What Are Your Thoughts?

PART 3: Rebooting Your Happiness and Letting Go of Limiting Perceptions

CHAPTER 10: To Find Happiness, You Must “Unbecome”

Before You Can Have, You Must “Unbecome”

Clearing the Clutter in Your Mental Operating System

The Truths and Myths

CHAPTER 11: Myth: Some People Have “It,” but You Don't

Exploring the Idea of Talent

Accepting Reality

What If You Could Learn Anything?

Changing Our Perspective: The Truth About Talent and Ability

Five Steps for Rebooting Our Improved Perspective

Thinking “Right” Activity

CHAPTER 12: Myth: Circumstances Control Your Destiny

Changing Our Perspective: The Truth About Being in the Right Place at the Right Time

Your Mindset Matters Most

Four Steps for Rebooting Your Improved Perspective

Thinking “Right” Activity

CHAPTER 13: Myth: There Is Always a Shortcut

Consciously Picking Your Path

Changing Our Perspective: The Truth About Minimums Versus Maximums

Four Steps for Rebooting Your Improved Perspective

Thinking “Right” Activity

CHAPTER 14: Myth: To Succeed You Need to Be Lucky

Your Success and Luck

Changing Our Perspective: Manufacturing Our Own Luck

Thinking “Right” Activity

CHAPTER 15: Myth: Success Happens Overnight

Happiness and Success Are Often Built on a Foundation of Setbacks

Changing Our Perspective: Developing Persistence and Self‐Motivation

Thinking “Right” Activity

CHAPTER 16: Super Myth: Failure Should Be Avoided

Changing Our Perspective: Making Failure Our Friend

Thinking “Right” Activity

CHAPTER 17: Super Myth: Feedback Can Be Negative

Changing Our Perspective: Making All Feedback Positive (Even the Bad Stuff)

Thinking “Right” Activity

CHAPTER 18: Super Myth: You Should Be Afraid of Fear

The Changing Role of Fear

Changing Our Perspective: Becoming Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Thinking “Right” Activity

PART 4: Finding Your Peace of Mind and Defining the Rebooted You

CHAPTER 19: Finding Peace in Your Time

Find Peace in Your Time

Where Are You Living?

Living in Our Thoughts of the Past

Living in Our Thoughts of the Future

Living with Our Thoughts Focused on the Present

Leveraging Your Golden Hour

Time Expands

Thinking Right Activity

CHAPTER 20: Finding Peace Through Love

Greed Is Good

The Givers …

… And the Takers

Thinking Right Activity

CHAPTER 21: Redefining the Rebooted You

If  You Don't Define Yourself, Others Will Try To

Sometimes the Simplest Decisions Can Make All the Difference

Defining Your Path

Defining Your Person

Focus and Consistency Are Your Friends

A Final Thought

APPENDIX: Rebooting Your Beliefs and Perspective Affirmation Plan

Rebooting Your Life Action Plan

Important Questions to Consistently Ask Yourself

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Rebooting Your Peace of Mind Plan

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Index

End User License Agreement

Guide

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Preface

Table of Contents

Begin Reading

Appendix: Rebooting Your Beliefs and Perspective Affirmation Plan

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Index

Wiley End User License Agreement

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DAVID NAYLOR

REBOOTING YOUR BRAIN

USING MOTIVATIONAL INTELLIGENCE TO ADJUST YOUR MINDSET, REACH YOUR GOALS, AND REALIZE UNLIMITED SUCCESS

Copyright © 2023 by David Naylor. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per‐copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750‐8400, fax (978) 750‐4470, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748‐6011, fax (201) 748‐6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permission.

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Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. Neither the publisher nor authors shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

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Library of Congress Cataloging‐in‐Publication Data is Available:

ISBN: 9781394157853 (Cloth)

ISBN: 9781394157860 (ePub)

ISBN: 9781394157877 (ePDF)

Cover Design: Wiley

Cover Image: © Line drawing of brain © Drypsiak / Getty Images

I would like to dedicate this book to Benjamin and Catherine. Before you were born, a friend told me, “You never understand your capacity to love until you have a child.” On the day each of you were born, as I looked down into your bright eyes, I remembered those words and could attest to how true they are. As you both have grown, I've wanted nothing more than the best for you. I've wanted you to be happy and fulfilled. I've wanted you to experience everything that life had to offer. I've wanted you to love, laugh, and feel joy that seems like it will overwhelm your heart.

I hope that the words in this book will help you in your life journey.

All my love,

Dad

PREFACE

Can you really reboot your brain?

Can you really let go of years of negative thinking, self‐limiting beliefs, and emotional baggage?

Can you really shift your mindset and change your perspective so profoundly that you can finally achieve everything you want for your life?

If you had asked me these questions on November 1, 2021, I would have unequivocally said no. Sure, years of therapy might help to sand down some of the psychological rough edges, but it can't create a wholesale shift in a person's awareness. I would have bet a million dollars that it was impossible to reboot our brain. No way, not happening.

Then, it happened to me. I couldn't deny it. I couldn't doubt it anymore. I was living proof you could reboot your brain and, with it, profoundly change your life in incredibly positive ways.

David Naylor

PART 1When Everything Changed

CHAPTER 1My Reboot

On November 11, 2021, I was diagnosed with COVID‐19. At first it was like a mild cold, and then I experienced increasing fatigue until it got hard to will myself to move. By November 15, I knew the virus was attacking my lungs as breathing was getting more difficult. Still, I felt it would work its way through my system and I would be fine. On Sunday, November 21, my wife, Michelle, recognized that things had progressed and not in a good way. (Candidly, she saved my life on that day.)

She took me to a local urgent care facility; I was their first patient, standing by the door when they opened for the morning. They took me to an exam room where a doctor checked the oxygen saturation in my blood and told me I was suffering from acute hypoxic respiratory failure. Basically, my lung function was so low that it was starving my cells, organs, and brain of oxygen; as a result, they were beginning to shut down and die. Without medical intervention, I would have been lucky to survive the day.

Within five minutes they had me in the back of an ambulance and were rushing me to the hospital. Little did I know that I was about to start the most harrowing, overwhelming, and frightening process of my life.

For the next five days, machines helped me to breathe while I laid in a bed attached to electrodes, IV lines, and monitoring equipment. On my third day in the hospital, despite the medical team's best efforts, things had not improved. I was being given the highest level of oxygen they could give short of being on a ventilator and still my lungs refused to accept it. Decisions were being made about moving me into intensive care from the COVID floor I was currently on. It was a dark day.

Then something miraculous happened; it was as though I could feel my family and friends praying for me. I could sense all these people sending positive thoughts and best wishes my way. By midday, my lung function began to improve. The doctors couldn't explain the sudden shift or why my lungs began to allow oxygen in. Two days later I was in a wheelchair being wheeled out to my wife's car to head home.

As I was leaving the hospital, the doctors explained that recovery would be like a rollercoaster ride in the dark. There would be no way of knowing what would come next.

As I write this, I have been out of the hospital for three weeks. I've had good days and tough days, but the ratio is moving more and more in favor of the good days. I can feel the inflammation in my lungs declining and my breathing becoming less labored. With this my energy level is slowly coming back. I am also learning to pace myself better.

It was the 19th‐century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche who first said, “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.” Right now, I'm weaker, more out of breath, heavily fatigued, and 23 pounds lighter. I'm still holding out hope for the physically stronger part, though.

On the mental side, it has been an entirely different story. A few days after coming home from the hospital, I recognized a dramatic shift in my thought process. With this shift came the most profound positive insights regarding my mindset and psychology I have ever experienced. It was as though my brain rebooted itself. Never would I have thought that possible; then I experienced it, and I couldn't deny it. My broken brain, encumbered by fears, self‐doubts, negative thinking, and limiting beliefs, had repaired itself. Suddenly, everything looked different.

My Broken Brain

Prior to being hospitalized with COVID, to the outside world it looked like I had it all together. I was the cofounder of a Top 20 Global Leadership Development company. Over the course of three decades, we had built the company from a small regional startup to an organization that did business in more than 95 countries and counted a large percentage of Fortune 1000 companies as clients.

All of this had afforded my family and me a nice lifestyle. We lived in a big house and were able to escape to our lake house in warm summer months. We took nice trips and were able to see and do cool things. I was able to afford many of the things society tells us we should own if we are successful.

To support all of this, I had built this alter ego, a second version of myself, who stood up in front of thousands of people each year and doled out wisdom and insights on how to become a better version of themselves. I wrote articles and was quoted in top magazines. I cohosted a podcast and interviewed successful people and those who had overcome incredible obstacles. I shot videos and hosted live and virtual conferences attended by people from around the world.

By most outward appearances, I was living the dream. But much was an illusion.

Inside, in the dark recesses of my mind, I was broken. The reality was profoundly different than the illusion.

Growing up, I was physically and emotionally abused. I was terrorized by a person who was themselves broken. I lived in constant fear about what would set them off. Would I be chased as they tried to catch me? Would I be struck by a belt or a hand? Or would I be lucky and just suffer from the emotional abuse of being yelled at and told of my constant failings?

Every day I tried to please, to show that I was good enough, to make them proud. I thought if I could just do this, maybe the anger would subside, and they would love me. As crazy as it sounds, this behavior didn't go away as I grew into adulthood. I still sought external validation, approval, and love from those around me, because I didn't feel good enough on the inside.

My brokenness caused me to retreat into myself at an early age; as a child I became very shy and introverted. The fear that lived within me manifested into a reluctance to try things, a constant questioning and criticizing of myself, and an overriding desire to avoid making a mistake or risk being rejected and made fun of by the “cool” kids. As a defense mechanism, I became close‐minded to any opinions other than my own and rebelled against authority.

As a young teenager, I was so overwhelmingly lonely and unhappy that I consciously looked to reinvent myself. I studied the cool and popular kids, making note of how they dressed, acted, and spoke. I tried to model that behavior and work my way into the group of more popular kids. I think this was the birth of my alter ego, my second self.

Even though I was pretending I had it all together my brokenness was still there, just beneath the surface. When I was quiet and still or faced with the prospect of doing something new, it would show up in my never‐ending string of negative thoughts and self‐doubts. For everything I was doing to show the outside world that I was okay, in control, and put together, the voice in my head kept telling me I was a fraud and was about to be discovered as such.

As I got older, I became better at presenting my alter ego, my pretend self, to the world. I also found ways to temporarily make myself feel better and distract myself from the negativity of my brokenness.

I discovered that drinking too much could help me temporarily forget. Eating too much also made me temporarily feel better. Candy and the accompanying sugar buzz lifted my spirits, so I couldn't walk by a bag of candy without eating at least half of it.

Shopping also became a vice that temporarily allowed me to feel better. I bought a lot of things, big and small, and the Amazon truck delivered to our house every day. This is but a short list of the many vices and coping mechanisms I used to mask my brokenness and attempt to feel better. The ironic thing is, I chased all these vices and sought the short‐term comfort and distraction they could bring completely subconsciously. I had no awareness or understanding as to why I was doing what I was doing; I just did it.

Ultimately, though, no vice or coping mechanism could fix me. They were like a sugar high that made me feel better in the moment, but I would always crash, and the negatively of my brokenness would come right back.

Sadly, my brokenness didn't just negatively affect me; it had a destructive impact on all those around me. My broken brain caused me to act and react in ways that undermined the quality of my relationships, pushing the people I love away, and fostering emotional baggage in their minds.

My brokenness radiated out of me and perpetuated brokenness in others. My brokenness multiplied and broke the people I care about. This is the destructive nature of broken brains.

Then It All Changed

When my brain rebooted itself, as it came back online, every negative thought and self‐limiting belief and all my brokenness had been erased. My ever‐present sense of fear dissolved, and I was able to feel its incredible weight lift off my shoulders. For the first time in my life, I felt whole, complete, and good enough.

I began to see myself, everyone around me, and everything around me from an entirely different perspective. I couldn't explain why, and candidly, I thought I might be dreaming or going crazy. My most joyous realization was that I was fully awake and completely sane.

As I have reflected, the changes didn't all come at once. I think, like a computer coming back online, certain mental programs rebooted faster than others. Here is the sequence of how things rebooted in my brain.

My Brain Reboot Phase 1: Restarting My Perception

A few days after coming home from the hospital, I awoke in the morning, and everything seemed very big. The bedroom looked huge, and the ceiling looked higher. It was like I was seeing everything from a young child's point of view. As I looked around, I noticed things that previously I had overlooked. Colors and smells seemed more vivid, brighter, and impactful. It was like I was seeing and experiencing them for the very first time. Suddenly, I took nothing for granted.

I awoke one evening about 1 am and got out of bed. I looked up at the sky through the French doors in our bedroom. The night sky was full of stars, thousands of them. Each had a different brightness, slightly different color, and different depth. I stood there and marveled at the beauty. It was like I had never seen a night sky before. The truth was, I had, but I just never slowed down enough to really notice or appreciate it.

The next morning, I stood by my home office window looking out at the end of my neighbor's driveway. It was early, and the school bus had yet to arrive. While their mother stood quietly by, her three‐year‐old daughter and six‐year‐old son ran and played with the exuberance of youth. I heard the bus coming up the road, and the kids ran to greet it. Then, just before the little boy was about to board the bus, I watched his younger sister reach out and grab his hand. It was so sweet, just a simple gesture of love between sister and brother. My eyes welled up as I watched the beauty of that act. Before my brain reboot, I wouldn't even have noticed the kids at the end of the driveway.

There were so many things, big and small, that I experienced every day yet had never really taken the time to notice and appreciate. It was staggering how much I had missed, ignored, or just had been too busy and distracted to see.

My Brain Reboot Phase 2: Gaining Internal Perspective

As I was leaving the hospital, the doctors told me that I was at risk for developing blood clots from the inactivity of lying in a bed for five days. They told me the best thing I could do was to walk.

So, when I got home, I slowly shuffled around the house like a 90‐year‐old man. I paced from room to room trying to avoid dying from a stroke after just narrowly surviving COVID.

One morning, I shuffled my way through our dining room, and I saw a big bag of Sour Patch Kids candy sitting on the table. Prior to COVID, to me that bag of candy would have been like a vial of crack cocaine to a drug addict. I would have torn into it, and in minutes, half the bag would have been gone.

My broken brain would have been screaming to me, “Eat that candy; it will make you feel better. It will make you forget your brokenness and comfort you.” Like a mindless zombie, I would have followed that advice until the sugar high overwhelmed me, and then I would have plopped down on the chair with a contented buzz.

Only this morning was different. I looked at that bag of candy and felt no urge to open it, no desire to feel that sugar high, no need to use it to hide from my brokenness. This behavioral shift was so striking that I had to ask myself, why? Why wasn't I ripping into that bag? Why did it suddenly have no power over me? What was driving that feeling?

Then it hit me. The reason I felt no desire for my candy vice was because I felt no brokenness. It was gone, erased. I still knew what happened to me in my childhood; however, I harbored none of the negative emotions associated with it.

All those years of carrying around fears, doubts, insecurities, anger, resentment, and a full, executive set of psychological baggage had suddenly come to a crashing halt. It was like a 1,000‐pound weight had been lifted.

Interestingly, as this happened, for the first time in my life I could look at myself and my behaviors objectively. I could clearly see my vices and their root drivers. I could understand the full depth of my brokenness and the cause and effect of it. After 56 years of life, the blinders came off, and I could see the damage my brokenness had caused in my life and in the lives of those around me.

My Brain Reboot Phase 3: Fixing My Priorities

As my perspective shifted and I was able to see myself in a less negatively biased way, it caused me to truly understand the correlation between my limiting beliefs and my behaviors. At first, I used this perspective to examine my beliefs about myself; next, I began to examine my beliefs about success and what was truly important in my life.

I had spent the better part of my life subscribing to the notion that “more” was the end game of a life well lived. More money, more opportunity, more possessions, more recognition, more stuff. I fully bought into the idea that the key to happiness and fulfillment was going to be found in more of these external things. Strangely, it never occurred to me that, as I got more of any of these things, I never really felt any happier or more fulfilled. I never questioned it. I thought maybe I just needed a little “more” to get myself to that magical place of having and being enough.

Then one morning, I sat up in bed and looked out the window. It was like a tidal wave crashed over me. My whole life, everything that I had bought into, everything that I would have sworn was the absolute truth 30 days before, was a LIE.

More money, more worldly possessions, more recognition, and more stuff would never make me feel happier or more fulfilled. Having more of any of these things may make certain aspects of my life easier; however, in the grand scheme of life, they really didn't make a damn bit of difference. They weren't what success was; they weren't what was truly important in life.

Despite what the media, advertising, and manufacturing companies desperately want us to believe, there are only two things that truly matter in life, and neither can be bought or sold.

When the tidal wave crashed over me that morning, the next phase of my mental reboot happened. I realized that the two things that matter in life are time and love. These are the true measures of success. When we understand this, we have found the key to our personal happiness and fulfillment.

Understanding the True Value of Time I once heard one of my coworkers, John Casey, say, “Time is the fairest thing in the universe. Highly successful and highly unsuccessful people get the same amount of it: 24 hours in a day, 1,440 minutes each day. Everybody gets the same amount.”

We can't get more time, nor can we get it back once it has passed. It's gone, forever.

Before my reboot, I took time for granted, like it would always be there. I wasted it, spending countless hours on things that distracted me but in no way made me (or anyone around me) any better. I would sit mindlessly in front of the TV or in front of my computer screen, searching for something to entertain me, something that would make me laugh, something that would absorb my attention, and something that would distract me from my brokenness. Thousands on thousands of hours.

In this phase of the reboot of my brain, it dawned on me: I didn't want to waste any more time. I didn't want it to slip away without making a positive difference. With this insight, I began to reexamine how I was using each waking moment and what was important in that moment.

Watching TV or mindlessly surfing the internet—not important

Having a conversation with someone you love—very important

Watching a YouTube video on the latest sports car or hottest new gadget—not important

Watching a YouTube video that teaches you something insightful or expands your understanding—very important

Getting swallowed up in the overwhelming negativity of the news or latest political crisis—not important

Making a positive difference in the lives of the people around you—very important

After five decades walking the planet with mental blinders on, it finally dawned on me that happiness and success come when we use our time to make ourselves and those around us better.

Spreading Love You don't have to look hard to find negativity in the world. Fear, anger, disgust, and sadness run rampant on the 24‐hour news channels, the media feeds on our phones, and the social media programs that we escape into. It is easy to become convinced that the world is one or more of the following:

A place to be afraid

Where we need to be ever‐vigilant of that stranger to our right or left

Wary of that person who has a different perspective

Envious of people who have achieved more or live a different lifestyle than us

Angry at people who are perceived as having wronged us or denied us opportunity

Disgusted with people who don't share our opinions

Saddened by the thought that we likely will never be able to escape our current situation

This was my world. It was what I saw. It was what I felt each day. This negativity consumed me and clouded my perspective from the second thing that truly matters: love.

As my brain rebooted, it occurred to me, I have no control over what is broadcast by the news channels, media feeds, and social media apps. If they want to portray our world as evil, uncaring, and negative, where we should be ever fearful, so be it. However, I get to choose what I let into my mind. I get to pick what I pay attention to. I get to decide if I want to see the world as one ruled by hate or love.

I also get to decide what I want to put back into the world: love or hate.

I once heard one of my peers, the business consultant Ken Blanchard, say, “Every decision we make and every action we take can bring either more love or more hate into the world.” These words resonated in my mind as I finally realized that I get to choose if I want to make things better. I also realized that if I failed to make a conscious choice, in most cases, I would unconsciously make things worse.

If I wanted to be happier and more successful, I needed to consciously choose to bring more love into the world. I realized I needed to stop holding back and to tell the important people in my life about the greatness I saw in them. I needed to help the people I love to let go of fear and negativity. I needed to help them believe in themselves and what they can achieve.

The last thing the world needs is more fear and negativity. The last thing I needed was more fear and negativity. What we all need is more love and acceptance.

My Brain Reboot Phase 4: Living in the Present

I used to think I was a master at multitasking, juggling emails, projects, and requests all while in the midst of having a conversation with someone. Rarely, if ever, was I 100% focused on anything. Candidly, I would be surprised if I was 30% focused on anything. Yet I thought that was okay, necessary even, to get everything done, keep everybody happy, and, ideally, achieve what I wanted in life.

My mind was constantly bouncing from the negativity of my brokenness to what was immediately in from of me, to what needed to get done by the end of the week. The past, the present, and the future all swirled together in one jumbled mess in my head.

Through all of this, it never crossed my mind how this was perceived by those around me. I never thought about how it felt to my wife, kids, coworkers, and all the other people in my life to have the sense that they are only getting 30% of my attention? How does it feel to know the person you're speaking with is, at best, only moderately engaged in a conversation?

Consciously, I would never want someone to feel unimportant or unworthy of my full attention. Yet subconsciously, that was exactly what I was doing.

Through my brain reboot, my perspective, perception, and priorities all shifted in a positive direction. The last phase of the reboot centered me on the importance of being present, in the moment, and 100% engaged in what is most important at any given time.

I realized the concept of being good at multitasking is an illusion; it is a lie I told myself to make me feel important, productive, and successful. Ironically, it did the exact opposite of each of these things. This realization hit me hard as my brain rebooted.

Admittedly, at first, I wondered how I was going to be 100% present in conversations and still get anything done. Then I realized the reprioritization that had happened in phase 3 of the reboot had given me my time back. I simply wasn't wasting time on things that brought no meaning, benefit, or growth. I could spend more time really connecting in conversations, and I had the freedom to really focus, to be curious, and to ask deeper questions and truly listen.

For the first time in my life, I stopped focusing on what I wanted from the conversation and really worked to understand where someone else was coming from. My selfishness was replaced with compassion and empathy.

It was amazing how this changed the dynamics of my interactions with people. I saw them in an entirely new light, I saw what made them great, and I saw the brokenness that held them back. I saw their joy and felt their emotions. I experienced what it was like to really connect with them.

The Outcome of My Reboot

As I sit here this morning, it has been 23 days since they wheeled me out of the hospital. It is hard for me to comprehend the magnitude of how much my life has changed since this all began.

In my early 20s, I did a values assessment. It is a tool that helps you to clarify, define, and rank what was most important to you. Peace of mind topped my list. It was my highest value, what I desired most. Ironically, I never thought I would find it; I believed I would never escape my brokenness.

For the first time in 56 years, I know that peace of mind is not an illusion for me. The reboot of my brain has freed me of the pain and scars of my broken upbringing. I still know all that happened to me, yet I can look at it without all the negative emotion. I can't even find words to express how liberating that is.

These four phases of my mental reboot have shown me how to find the happiness and peace of mind that had eluded me my whole life.

As crazy as it may sound, I am incredibly grateful for having gone through the harrowing experience of struggling to breathe, being rushed to the hospital, and almost dying. Why? Because it taught me how to live.

CHAPTER 2Doing Your Own Reboot

Have you ever found yourself second‐guessing or doubting yourself? Have you ever really wanted to do something, achieve something, or pursue something, yet you just couldn't seem to get out of your own way and make it happen? How many times have you talked yourself out of doing something?

Likely, we've all found ourselves in that position of wanting to move our life in a given direction, yet we just can't seem to escape that little voice in our head telling us we aren't going to succeed. Maybe it pops up when we are trying to lose weight and get ourselves in shape. Perhaps, the doubts creep in when we are thinking of pursuing a new job or making a change in our career. Or perhaps that nagging little voice is keeping us from finding the relationship that we really want.

Everybody wants something, yet most seem to struggle to get it. Never really understanding how or why others seem to be able to move their lives in a better direction, but for some reason it just doesn't seem to work out for us.

If only there was an owner's manual for our mind, a set of instructions for ourselves. A simple guide that cuts through all the noise and, once and for all, enables us to understand the most important thing in our world—us. If only we could restart, reboot our thought process based on the right insights and right beliefs, it would make all the difference in the world. After all, if we can conquer our mind, we can conquer anything.

I don't think too many people would argue against the benefits of doing a brain reboot. After all, most of us hold some psychological baggage from our youth, upbringing, or even experiences in adulthood. It is this baggage that holds us back from not only being the person we want to be but also from living the life we want to lead.

With this being said, I am also enough of a realist to know that most people have no desire to risk death in order to be mentally reborn. Trust me, I don't blame them.

After my reboot was nearly complete, my new and improved mindset was settling in. I couldn't believe how much better everything seemed, and then a realization hit: I wanted nothing more than to find a way to help others experience what I was experiencing.

This is where my quest to write this book began. First, I reached out to the two most aware people I know: my mentor and his mentor. Next, I reached out to other experts I have met through my journey. I connected with doctors of psychology and neuroscience. I tapped into the leading minds in cognitive science. I was able to leverage the insights of Nobel Prize winners and the leading researchers of our day.

Through this journey, a picture began to emerge. I started to understand exactly what happened to me and why. I also was able to gain clarity regarding how others could replicate it within themselves (without the threat of death).

As I did the research, had the conversations, and wrote the words on these pages, I worked to simplify the complex, distill down the critical insights, and most important, explain why. Why are we the way that we are? Why do we struggle? Why do certain people succeed? Why are there a few simple adjustments in life that will always unshackle people? And the biggest why of all: why can we find happiness, peace of mind, and success through our own reboot?

So, are you ready? Are you ready to let go of the baggage? Are you ready to let go of the negative feelings and emotions? Are you ready to see what life really can look like when you are unencumbered by all that has held you back?

Are you ready to learn how to do your own brain reboot?

Okay, let's go …

PEOPLE–LEADER PERSPECTIVE

Not only is it possible to reboot oneself, but it is also possible to reboot an entire team. This is essentially equivalent to shifting a team culture in order to overcome a level of dysfunction, underperformance, or the need to move in a new direction.

Candidly, the single biggest source of resistance we battle as organizational leaders directly links back to issues that can be resolved only through mental rebooting. So if you are looking to move your team or organization in a new or better direction, read on. You will gain priceless insights into human performance and how to lead a team at the highest levels.

CHAPTER 3The Brain You Were Born With

Most of us have some early memories of our childhood, such as having a birthday party or playing with friends. These memories may date back to when you were four or five years old. What we can't remember is how our brain worked when we were young. As such, we might assume that it worked just like it does now. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

When we are young, our brain works highly efficiently, unencumbered and uncluttered by negative thoughts or self‐limiting beliefs. It processes information without skewing it, filtering it, or interpreting it based on any negative thoughts or limiting beliefs. When we are young, we see the world, ourselves, and everything that happens as it truly is, not based on any limitations. When we are young, the world we see is a profoundly different one, a better one.

Looking in the Mirror at the “You” of Your Youth

We were not born to fail. We were born to learn. Both science and our own experience has proven this to be true.

At the time you came into the world, you were born with everything that you would need to build an incredible life for yourself. It was handed to you, gifted to you innately, and woven into your DNA.

Many people you will meet in your life will doubt these words. They will point to all those who struggle. They will cite example after example of people who have strived yet come up short, given up, and settled for mediocrity. Certainly, there is no shortage of people with dashed hopes, broken dreams, and shattered souls.

Yet none of us started out this way. Each of us came into life full of promise, energized by the opportunities and relentlessly willing to do whatever was necessary to fulfill our greatest desires.

Rest assured; you came into life with everything you need to succeed.

Consider this one simple yet indisputable fact: while you have learned thousands of things in your lifetime, two of the most difficult things you ever learned were prior to the age of two: walking and talking. Arguably these are the two most complex skills you will develop in your lifetime.

I want to take you back to when you were learning to walk.

One day, there you were crawling across the floor just looking around in wonderment at everything that you could see. Then you looked upward at the people around you, and a thought crossed your mind. “Hmm, they are walking, and here I am crawling across the floor. This crawling stuff is a little tough on the knees; maybe there is something to this walking thing.”

So off you set on a new mission in life. You crawled over to the sofa, and with all your might you pulled yourself into a standing position. Propped up on your wobbly little legs, you looked around at this incredible new vantage point of the world. Then you glanced down at your hands grasping on to the edge of that sofa, and slowly you loosened your grip and moved your hands away.

Suddenly, the laws of physics took over. Gravity and a lack of balance reared and down you fell, hitting the floor with a loud thud. You sat there for a few seconds, stunned and dismayed. Slowly the stars started to clear from your head, and your vision refocused.

Did this sudden occurrence deter you? Did the shock of hitting the floor sway you from trying again?

Not in the least. So once again you propped yourself up, and once again, you fell.

Over and over, you went through this process, falling forward, backward, sideways, hundreds of times. With each fall, with each setback, and with each stumble you gained perspective, insights, knowledge, and eventually you learned. You learned about center of gravity and about balance, and slowly but surely, you put one foot in front of the other and you began to walk.

In a study published in the Journal for Psychological Science, researchers at New York University found that the average toddler will fall 17 times an hour as they are learning to walk. Over and over again, hour after hour, you fell hundreds, if not thousands, of times in order to perfect this intricate skill set.

Ask yourself, were these falls a symbol of your failure or were they a central part of your learning process?

The Swiss‐American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler‐Ross once said,

“There are no mistakes; all events are blessing given to us to learn from.”

When you were a young child, nothing was viewed as a mistake, everything you did, every setback, every fall, taught you something important. Life was all about learning, adjusting, and adapting when you were a toddler; there was no judgment or beating yourself up when you fell down.

The amazing thing is, when you were a child, never once did you say to yourself, “Maybe these adults are supposed to walk, but I am meant to crawl.” That negative thought never even crossed your mind.

Just look how you moved as a child. You were fearless, determined, goal‐directed, motivated, inquisitive, and eager to learn. You didn't quit. You didn't give up. You didn't get a negative attitude. You didn't doubt yourself or your capabilities. You just relentlessly practiced until, eventually, you were able to walk.

Yes, it is painful to fall. Nobody enjoys stumbling. However, ask yourself, why did you willingly go through the pain and suffering of falling down over and over and over again?

You did it for one simple, yet incredibly important reason: you had unwavering belief in yourself. You didn't doubt yourself or have negative thoughts running through your head. You were confident in your abilities; you knew you could succeed. You were unstoppable.

REGAINING OUR RESOLUTION

Michelle and I had rented a beach house in Duck, North Carolina. It is a little community that sits on the barrier islands of the Outer Banks. Unfortunately, the weather wasn't cooperating, and we had more rainy and windy days than the sunny ones we were hoping for. So, we had decided to do some exploring of the area. What we discovered was that not far from where we were staying was the town of Kitty Hawk.

This may ring a bell in your mind because Kitty Hawk is the town where Orville and Wilbur Wright had flown the world's first airplane. The state of North Carolina had built a museum to commemorate the Wright brothers' achievement and its contribution to our society, so we decided to go and check it out.

It was a quiet day, so the director of the museum walked with us as we explored the exhibits and told us about the story of these two unlikely inventors and their journey that changed the world.

She told of how the brothers had become fascinated with the idea of flight in the 1870s when they saw a newspaper article about a German inventor who was trying to “fly like birds do.”

Early in the process they decided that a fixed wing was going to work better than the more birdlike, movable wing approach that others had been trying for centuries before. They quickly realized they needed to find a wing design that provided lift characteristics. However, they also needed a scientific way to test wing designs. As such, their first invention wasn't an airplane, it was a wind tunnel.

Over and over, they tested different 12‐inch‐wide wing designs, trying to perfect the optimal profile. In total they tested more than 12,000 different designs until they discovered the perfect one.

Next, they had to find a way to build that wing design large and strong enough, yet lightweight enough, to lift a human being into the air. In total this process took them more than two decades of their lives, all so they could fly through the air for 12 seconds on the morning of December 17, 1903. From that point on the world was forever changed.

As we walked out of the back side of the museum, Michelle and I both marveled at the magnitude of the Wright brothers' achievement. It was so much more involved than either of us ever imagined.