Resolving Conflicts at Work E-Book

Kenneth Cloke

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 652

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

The classic text on resolving workplace conflicts, fully revised and updated Resolving Conflicts at Work is a guide for preventing and resolving conflicts, miscommunications, and misunderstandings at work, including dozens of techniques for revealing how the inevitable disputes and divisions in the workplace are actually opportunities for greater creativity, productivity, enhanced morale, and personal growth. In the third edition of this text, all chapters are completely infused with additional content, updated examples, and new case studies. Like its predecessors, it identifies core strategies for preventing and resolving both intermittent and chronic conflicts in the workplace. In addition, the book * Includes a new foreword by Warren Bennis, which represents his most recent thinking about judgment calls and candid communications in the workplace * Presents new chapters on leadership and transformational conflict coaching, and organizational systems design This definitive and comprehensive work provides a handy guide for managers, employees, union representatives, human resource experts, and consultants seeking to maintain stable and productive workplaces.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Title Page

Series Page

Copyright

Foreword

Alignment

Empowerment

Transparency

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Poem

Introduction

Conflicts at Work

Chronic Conflicts at Work

The Dark Side of Emotion in Conflict

Settlement Versus Resolution

Into the Eye of the Storm

How Far Apart Are People Who Are in Conflict?

The Transformational Power of Conflict

About This Book

The Ten Strategies

Strategy 1: Understand the Culture and Dynamics of Conflict

Decoding the Culture of Conflict

Conflict Messages in Popular Culture

Shifting Conflict Cultures Globally and Locally

Altering the Dynamics: Seeing Conflict as an Opportunity

Creating Learning Organizations

The Opportunity of Collaboration

How to Collaborate in Conflict

Strategy 2: Listen Empathetically and Responsively

Understanding the Listener

The Cost of Poor Communication

Clearing the Decks for Empathetic and Responsive Listening

The Elements of Communication

Creating a Commitment to Communicate

Strategy 3: Search Beneath the Surface for Hidden Meanings

The Iceberg of Conflict

Applying Your Knowledge of the Iceberg

Steps to Get Below the Surface

The Language of Conflict

Metaphors and the Meaning of Conflict

How Empathy and Honesty Lead to Transformation

Creating Empathy Through Role-Reversing Dialogue

Rationalizations for Not Being Honest

Rationalizations for Being Honest

Strategy 4: Acknowledge and Reframe Emotions

Emotional Responses to Conflict

How Unexpressed Emotions Create Conflict

Families and Emotions

Common Myths and Assumptions About Emotions

Distinguishing the Elements of Emotion

Stages of Emotional Response to Conflict

Reframing Emotions

Behind the Mask: Hidden Markers in Emotional Communication

Taking Off the Masks and Revealing Hidden Emotions

Behaviors That Trigger Anger

Reasons for Anger

Subconscious Beliefs and Assumptions About Anger

Methods for Responding to Anger

Ways of Apologizing

Strategy 5: Separate What Matters from What Gets in the Way

Positions Versus Interests

Separating the Issues in Conflict

Strategy 6: Solve Problems Paradoxically and Creatively

Conceptual Preparation for Creative Problem Solving

Paradoxical Problem Solving

Obstacles to Creative Problem Solving

Five Steps in Creative Problem Solving

Conflict Resolution, Problem Solving, and Strategic Planning

Problem Solving and Consensus Decision Making

Transformation and Problem Solving

Strategy 7: Learn from Difficult Behaviors

Defining the Problem Is the Problem

Why People Engage in Difficult Behaviors

Stop Rewarding Difficult Behaviors

Methods for Changing Difficult Behaviors

Difficult Behaviors Start in the Family

It's Your Button

Attitudes, Approaches, and Techniques

Changing Difficult Behaviors in Organizational Cultures

Feedback Versus Evaluation

Responding to Difficult Behaviors in Meetings

Imagining a World Without Difficult Behaviors

Strategy 8: Lead and Coach for Transformation

Leaders as Committed Listeners

Competencies of Leaders as Conflict Resolvers

Resolving Conflicts Through Social Networks

Leaders as Conflict Coaches

Leading Through Committed Action

Taking Responsibility for Actions and Inactions

Strategy 9: Explore Resistance and Negotiate Collaboratively

Success and Failure in Conflict Resolution

Some Reasons for Resistance

Resistance and Change

Collaborative Negotiation

Participating in Collaborative Negotiations

Strategy 10: Mediate and Design Systems for Prevention

Why Mediation Works

The Costs of Conflict

Designing Organizational Systems

Conduct a Conflict Audit

Shifting the Culture to Support Conflict Resolution Systems

Conclusion

The Authors

Index

Also by Kenneth Cloke

Conflict Revolution: Mediating Evil, War, Injustice and Terrorism

The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution

Mediating Dangerously: The Frontiers of Conflict Resolution

Mediation: Revenge and the Magic of Forgiveness

Also by Joan Goldsmith (with Warren Bennis)

Learning to Lead: A Workbook on Becoming a Leader

Also by Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith

The Art of Waking People Up: Cultivating Awareness and Authenticity at Work

The End of Management and the Rise of Organizational Democracy

Resolving Personal and Organizational Conflicts: Stories of Transformation and Forgiveness

Resolving Conflicts at Work: A Complete Guide for Everyone on the Job

Thank God It's Monday: 14 Values We Need to Humanize the Way We Work

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Credits appear after the Index.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cloke, Kenneth, date.

Resolving conflicts at work : ten strategies for everyone on the job / Kenneth

Cloke, Joan Goldsmith ; foreword by Warren Bennis. – Third edition.

p. cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-470-92224-8 (pbk.); ISBN 978-1-118-01062-4 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-01081-5 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-01082-2 (ebk.)

1. Conflict management. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Personnel management–Psychological aspects. 4. Psychology, Industrial. I. Goldsmith, Joan, date. II. Title.

HD42.C56 2011

650.1′3–dc22

2010048701

Third Edition

Excerpt from Heart of the Enlightened by Anthony de Mello. Copyright © 1989 by The Center for Spiritual Exchange. Used by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc.

The table in Strategy Four is reprinted by permission of Harvard Business School. From “What Makes a Leader” by Daniel Goleman, November–December/1998. Copyright © 1998 by the Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation, all rights reserved.

Excerpt from Memoirs of Hadrian by Marguerite Yourcenar. Copyright © 1954, renewed 1982 by Marguerite Yourcenar. Reprinted by permission of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC.

Excerpts from The Human Side of Enterprise by Douglas McGregor. Copyright © 2006 by McGraw-Hill. Reprinted with permission of The McGraw-Hill Companies.

Excerpts from Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco, translated by William Weaver. Copyright © 1988 by Gruppo Editorale Bompiani, Sonzogno Etas S.p.A., Milano. English translation copyright © 1998 by Harcourt, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Harcourt, Inc.

Excerpt by Brenda Ueland copyright © 1987 by the Estate of Brenda Ueland. Reprinted from If You Want to Write with permission of Graywolf Press, Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Excerpt from Strengthening Your Grip by Charles Swindoll. Copyright © 1982 by Word, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee. Used by permission of Insight for Living, Anaheim, California.

Excerpt from “Beyond the Chains of Illusion: My Encounter with Marx and Freud.” Copyright © 2006 by Erich Fromm. Reprinted with permission from the Continuum International Publishing Company.

Excerpt from The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Briggs by Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Michael Hulse. Translation and editorial matter copyright © 2009 by Michael Hulse. Reproduced by permission of Penguin Books, Ltd.

The poem “For the ones I work for” is from Who Whispered New Me by Killarney Clary. Copyright © 1989 by Killarney Clary. Reprinted by permission of Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, LLC.

Foreword

Conflict: An Opportunity for Leadership

In the midst of the recent financial crisis, it is clear that leadership has never mattered more. We are in dire need of leaders who can courageously confront and resolve the many conflicts that plague our organizations and threaten our well-being, who can address and resolve the conflicts that damage the very fabric of society, and who can openly and skillfully resolve conflicts that have an adverse impact on our daily lives.

We need organizational leaders who can release us from unrelenting conflicts and do not merely paper over disagreements and disputes. We have to resist the temptation to follow leaders with perverse agendas that undermine or distort the authentic resolution of recurring conflicts. Instead, we need to develop organizational leaders who are skilled in resolving conflicts, who seek solutions that address underlying causes, and who serve the interests of all involved.

If we look to one of the leaders of our early Republic, Abigail Adams, we see that she had it right when she counseled her son John Quincy that hard times are the crucible in which character and leadership are forged. “It is not in the still calm of life or the repose of a pacific station that great characters are formed,” she wrote to him in 1780. “The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulty. Great necessities call out great virtues.” The spirit of this wife and mother of two founding presidents inspires us to consider our own era as a time when leaders can imaginatively create environments in which conflict resolution strategies generate a viable, collaborative new future. This future will be created by leaders who can cope with rapid, uncertain change and address social strains, psychological tensions, and chronic conflicts in cultures that foster collaboration, open and honest communication, and conflict resolution.

The first skill of these leaders is a capacity to exercise good judgment by making the right decisions in the midst of confusing and frightening conflicts based on knowledge, wisdom, and an ability to remain true to overriding values.

A second skill of these leaders is the ability to enlist others and motivate them to seek resolution to seemingly insurmountable conflicts. This skill flows from what the psychologist Daniel Goleman calls “emotional intelligence,” the capacity to understand and connect with the hopes and fears of those who are in conflict and to find common ground in the values they share.

A third skill of these leaders is respect. Respect to those in conflict signifies that they have been seen and valued for who they are; disrespect signifies that they are invisible and do not matter. People in conflict often engage in destructive habits in order to gain respect. The debilitating dispute that seems unbearable and never-ending can evaporate when a leader affords respect to all involved and enables each person to experience being valued and included.

This new breed of leader creates respectful, ethical, innovative, and productive work environments where everyone is encouraged to invent solutions to ongoing conflicts. The characteristics of these leaders include widespread alignment based on a commitment to deal with conflict in a straightforward manner; empowerment of all parties to identify and resolve the conflicts they encounter; and transparency that allows conflict to be viewed openly and honestly so that inquiry, integrity, and reflection are generated and prized.

Alignment

Leaders align those who work on all levels of their organizations to perceive and accept common understandings of the causes of organizational conflicts. They inspire a commitment to resolve disputes by articulating shared values and goals. This alignment has a great deal to do with spirit and a team atmosphere. A shared understanding of the sources of conflict in the everyday organizational life aligns everyone to achieve a higher purpose and uplifts and harmonizes their aspirations. Each person is then able to view conflict as an opportunity to learn and one that can lead to improvement in work, in products, and in a shared future.

Empowerment

Empowerment means that everyone believes they are at the center of the organization rather than at the periphery, and they make a difference to the success of the overall effort. Empowered individuals take the risk of acknowledging the conflicts they generate or encounter. They know that what they do has significance and they take responsibility for surfacing conflicts, learning from them, and achieving lasting resolutions. They exercise discretion and responsibility and create a culture of respect in which everyone is encouraged to openly confront disputes and disagreements and to develop methods to resolve them, without having to check through five levels of the hierarchy for permission to take on contentious issues. Leaders who empower their organizations generate and sustain trust and encourage systemwide effective communication.

Transparency

When inquiry-based reflection and transparency are at the heart of organizational culture, learning opportunities and useful information flow unhampered. In these cultures people are open to problem finding, not merely problem solving. In these adaptive, values-based learning organizations, staff on all levels find, identify, and resolve conflicts before they generate crises. Leaders encourage the free discovery of ideas and the sharing of information to solve problems. They are not afraid to test their ideas, even if full disclosure threatens to reveal deeper conflicts. A learning and inquiring organization, in which transparent exchanges of information are a matter of course, allows everyone to reflect on and honestly evaluate their actions and decisions.

Thus, postbureaucratic organizations generate leaders who value meaningful interactions, healthy conflicts, and active dissent; who are not averse to risk taking; who support learning from their mistakes, rather than blaming others for them. They develop informal leadership in cross-functional teams and they actively listen to the ideas of colleagues and support the talents of others. They create organizations that are decentralized into autonomous units in which decision making is shared. They demand self-discipline and emphasize individual responsibility, collaborative relationships, widespread ethics, and open communication that resolves conflicts when they emerge.

This subtle yet profound and perceptible change taking place in our philosophy of leadership creates organizational cultures that encourage the honest expression of conflict and candid discussion of differences. These changes include

A new concept of humanity, based on an increased understanding of our complex and shifting needs, that is replacing an oversimplified, mechanical idea of who we areA new concept of power, based on collaboration, reason, and synergy, that is replacing a failed model of power based on coercion and threatsA new concept of values, based on humanistic-democratic ideals, that is replacing a rigid bureaucratic system that regards property and rules as more important than people and relationships

I now add a fourth change reflected in the central argument that Cloke and Goldsmith make in the pages that follow:

A new concept of conflict, based on personal leadership and organizational learning, creative problem solving, collaborative negotiation, satisfaction of interests, and a view of conflict that can promote personal and organizational transformation. This creative model is replacing a limited approach to conflict that seeks to suppress, avoid, or compromise issues rather than resolve the underlying reasons that gave rise to them.

With this book, the authors offer wisdom, food for thought, and tools for those of us who seek to improve our abilities to address conflict and to create organizational cultures in which conflicts are openly and candidly addressed. Cloke and Goldsmith provide multiple strategies for addressing, resolving, transforming, and learning from conflicts. They challenge us to learn to live with ambiguity, to communicate more openly, to participate in conflicts with integrity, making a virtue of contingency, and finding unity in the issues that divide us. In doing so, they make a significant contribution to creating healthy organizations by providing methods for resolving the destructive conflicts to be found in this contentious era. I welcome the sound advice that follows.

Warren Bennis

Distinguished Professor of Business Administration

University of Southern California

This book is dedicated with love to our grandchildren, Orrin, Thacher, and Tallulah, in hopes they will gain wisdom from the lessons their conflicts can teach them.

Acknowledgments

Every effort to reach out to those with whom we disagree brings us all closer together, and this book could not have been written without the extraordinary courage and dedication of mediators and conflict resolvers who have joined us for over thirty years in improving our understanding of how to move from impasse to resolution in deeply entrenched conflicts, and how to create successful workplace collaborations.

We thank all of you for your unfailing support, your honest feedback, and your deep understanding.

We also thank the many courageous leaders who have joined us in experimenting, discovering, implementing, and improving the ideas we present here. It is only because of their courage and willingness to try something new that we were able to “field-test” our ideas, learn from our mistakes, and tell you their stories.

We especially want to acknowledge the many members and leaders of Mediators Beyond Borders (www.mediatorsbeyondborders.org) whose unflagging commitment to promoting peace and reconciliation around the world encourages hope and inspiration.

A special thanks goes to Warren Bennis for believing in us and supporting this book, and to our children and grandchildren, who have been our greatest teachers. We thank our editors, Alan Rinzler and Seth Schwartz, our talented indexer and friend, Carolyn Thibault, and our extraordinary assistant, Solange Raro.

Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith

Center for Dispute Resolution, Santa Monica, California

We have thought of peace as passive

and war as the active way of living.

The opposite is true.

War is not the most strenuous life.

It is a kind of rest cure compared

to the task of reconciling our differences.

From War to Peace is not from the strenuous

to the easy existence.

It is from the futile to the effective,

from the stagnant to the active,

from the destructive to the creative way of life.

The world will be regenerated by the people

who rise above these passive ways

and heroically seek by whatever hardship,

by whatever toil

the methods by which people can agree.

—Mary Parker Follett

Introduction

Ten Strategies for Everyone on the Job

The rules of the game: learn everything, read everything, inquire into everything…. When two texts, or two assertions, or perhaps two ideas, are in contradiction, be ready to reconcile them rather than cancel one by the other; regard them as two different facets, or two successive stages of the same reality, a reality convincingly human just because it is complex.

—Marguerite Yourcenar

It is nearly impossible to grow up in a family, live in a neighborhood, attend a school, work on a job, have an intimate relationship, raise children, or actively participate as a citizen in the world without experiencing a wide variety of disagreements, arguments, disputes, hostilities, and conflicts.

Much of our childhood is spent in conflict with those we love, with our parents, siblings, and playmates, who teach us the first and most difficult lessons of life, including how to respond to intense emotions and handle behaviors we find difficult to understand or accept. Our schools teach us hard lessons about rejection and compromise, about how to succeed and fail in a hierarchy, how to manage disputes with teachers and peers, and how to overcome shame, rage, and fear.

As adults, our most intimate family relationships are immersed in and deeply influenced by conflict. We learn how to respond to conflicts at work; in interactions with government agencies, schools, and companies; and in the neighborhoods and communities where we live. We learn different skills in response to conflicts with our spouses, partners, children, neighbors, and coworkers over miscommunications, false expectations and assumptions, unclear roles and responsibilities, disagreements and rejections, changes and losses.

Our diverse societies and multiethnic, religious, and social cultures seem saturated with conflicts that scream at us from headlines, ads, and movies that, in their intensity, subtly shape our psyches and perceptions. Our communities have been deeply divided by racial prejudice, hatred of dissenters and those who are different, and conflicts over competition regarding the use of scarce resources to satisfy disparate needs and expectations.

Our workplaces and organizations are profoundly shaped by conflicts between workers and supervisors, unions and management, competing departments, and stressed coworkers. Our competitive economy, status-conscious society, and politicized government agencies reverberate with chronic disputes between ins and outs, haves and have-nots, us and them, powerful and powerless—all battling over the distribution of power, status, goods, and resources.

When we lack effective skills, our first response is often to avoid or suppress conflict, or try to make it go away, causing us to miss its underlying meaning. As a result, we cheat ourselves, our opponents, and our organizations out of learning, making it impossible to correct what led to the problem in the first place, prevent future conflicts, and discover how to improve our overall ability to resolve and transcend our disputes.

Yet, the pain, loss, and irretrievable damage that are suffered by individuals, families, organizations, and communities in conflict can also create miracles of transformation when people find new solutions, are moved to forgiveness and reconciliation, and are able to reclaim peaceful lives, relationships, and organizations. These are the two faces of conflict, the destructive and the creative, the stagnant and the active, the aggressive and the transformative. Between them lies a set of strategies, techniques, and approaches for turning one into the other. It is these strategies that are the subject matter of this book.