Scandaltown E-Book

Mike Bartlett

• Herausgeber: Nick Hern Books
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Serie: NHB Modern Plays
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 123

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

'Dear Miss Tweetwell, the ladder is where I live. For at the top lies reputation and wealth and at the bottom: ignominy and squalor.' When noble heroine Miss Phoebe Virtue receives worrisome news on Instagram that her twin brother Jack may be endangering his reputation in London Town, she decides she must visit herself, and investigate... Set in contemporary, post-pandemic London, full of illicit sex, political hypocrisy and the machinations of a fame-hungry elite, Scandaltown is a comedy for the new Restoration of the theatres. Mike Bartlett's play was first produced by the Lyric Hammersmith Theatre, in association with Fictional Company, at the Lyric in April 2022, directed by Artistic Director Rachel O'Riordan. '[Mike Bartlett] is one of the prime movers in a new golden generation of British playwrights'Independent

Leseprobe

Mike Bartlett

SCANDALTOWN

NICK HERN BOOKS

London

www.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents

Original Production Details

Scandaltown

About the Author

Copyright and Performing Rights Information

Scandaltown was commissioned by and first performed at the Lyric Hammersmith Theatre, London on 7 April 2022, with the following cast:

PHOEBE VIRTUE

Cecilia Appiah

JACK VIRTUE

Matthew Broome

AUNTY JULIE / REBECCA DE SOUZA

Emma Cunniffe

PETER MEDIA OBE / CARSON

Henry Everett

MATT ETON

Richard Goulding

FREDDIE PERIPHERAL

Luke Hornsby

TOM DOUBLE-BUDGET

Thomas Josling

HANNAH TWEETWELL

Aysha Kala

ROSALIND DOUBLE-BUDGET

Annette Mclaughlin

JENNY HOOD

Ami Okumura Jones

SIR DENNIS HEDGE / KEVIN THE POSTMAN

Chukwuma Omambala

LADY SUSAN CLIMBER

Rachael Stirling

Director

Rachel O’Riordan

Set Designer

Good Teeth

Costume Designer

Kinnetia Isidore

Lighting Designer

Paul Keogan

Sound Designer and Composer

Simon Slater

Choreographer

Malik Nashad Sharpe

Wigs, Hair and Make-up Designer

Susanna Peretz

Casting Director

Amy Ball CDG

Gender Consultant

Dr Lloyd (Meadhbh) Houston

Intimacy Director

Yarit Dor

Assistant Director

Kwame Owusu

Company Stage Manager

Claire Bryan

Deputy Stage Manager

Helen King

Assistant Stage Manager

Aiman Bandali

A Lyric Hammersmith Theatre production, presented in association with Fictional Company.

Characters

AUNTY JULIE, forty-five, white, northern

DOUBLES WITH

REBECCA DE SOUZA, forty-four, white, posh, incredibly southern

PHOEBE VIRTUE, her niece, twenty-two, mixed heritage

JACK VIRTUE, her nephew, twenty-two, mixed heritage

SIR DENNIS HEDGE, fifty, black, very rich

DOUBLES WITH

KEVIN THE POSTMAN, forty, black, rustic

FREDDIE PERIPHERAL, twenty-two, white, southern

JENNY HOOD, twenty-four, East Asian, southern, British

HANNAH TWEETWELL, twenty-five, South Asian, southern, British

LADY SUSAN CLIMBER, forty-five, white, southern

MATT ETON, forty, white, southern, very posh

PETER MEDIA OBE, fifty, white, southern, Cambridge

DOUBLES WITH

CARSON, seventy, white, aged

ROSALIND DOUBLE-BUDGET, fifty, white, southern, Cambridge

TOM DOUBLE-BUDGET, her son, twenty-two, white, southern, sheltered

Plus assorted PARTY GUESTS, etc., played by the members of the company.

Setting

ACT ONE

Scene One:

Outside a poor cottage in the countryside.

Scene Two:

The living room of a disgusting flat in East London.

ACT TWO

Scene One:

Lady Climber’s house in Hampstead. Parlour.

ACT THREE

Scene One:

The Netflix Masked Ball.

Scene Two:

The street outside the party.

Scene Three:

Various.

INTERVAL

ACT FOUR

Scene One:

Lady Climber’s house in Hampstead. Parlour.

Scene Two:

The living room of a disgusting flat in East London.

ACT FIVE

Scene One:

Sir Dennis’s extremely expensive house in Kensington. Antechamber.

Note on Text

( / ) means the next speech begins at that point.

( – ) means the next line interrupts.

(…) at the end of a speech means it trails off. On its own it indicates a pressure, expectation or desire to speak.

A line with no full stop at the end indicates that the next speech follows on immediately.

The play is set in 2022, performed in a proscenium arch theatre, in the style of a Restoration Comedy. Think painted backdrops, wings, asides, and refined props. Costumes should have the tension and flair of Restoration with the contemporary style and edge of Alexander McQueen. Everything should be joyful and fun.

This ebook was created before the end of rehearsals and so may differ slightly from the play as performed.

ACT ONE

Scene One

The front garden of a cottage. The countryside. Morning.

AUNTY JULIE comes out of her house, hungover, smoking, and on her phone. She puts some air-freshener on the wall.

JULIEOoo my head feels like it’s been caved in with a pickaxe. She’s been staying up late recently so it’s been ages since I’ve had any fun. Last night I couldn’t take it, so I went up to my bedroom, got under the covers with a bottle of Smirnoff and those jazz cookies you gave me, had a little party all on my own. It wasn’t the best look, probably, but I had a fucking good time, and she was none the wiser, which is what matters isn’t it, in the end?

Feeling rough this morning though. Just waiting for Kev. Only chance we get for a bit of it, first thing, back of his van before little madam gets up and –

PHOEBE(From offstage.) Aunty?

JULIEOh shit – Call you back.

She hangs up, stubs out the cigarette. Sprays herself with air-freshener, takes a mint out of her pocket. Puts it in her mouth, and turns, just as PHOEBE VIRTUE comes out of the house.

PHOEBEAunty! There you are! Here I am thinking I’m an early bird, ready to savour the rosy fingers of dawn, all prepared to pick herbs and surprise you in bed with a stimulating infusion, but when I get downstairs, I hear your voice, and you’re out already! Let me embrace you!

JULIEEr. Alright.

She does.

PHOEBEAh! So fresh! Most people don’t smell too good in the morning, but your benevolence means you sleep peacefully and wake as new, naturally fragrant with mint and juniper. But why are you out here? Doing the chores I suppose? The bins? Waving the community off to work, with a smile on your face and a click in your heel?

JULIEWell er – yeah, you’ve got me. Thought I’d just… check

PHOEBEYou are the wisest, kindest aunt one could hope for. From the moment you took myself and my twin brother Jack in as babies on the death of our mother, you have raised us as your own, with never complaint or fatigue. You’ve done precisely as you pledged to our late mother – your sister – and brought us up the most virtuous, progressive and moral young people in the whole country.

JULIEDon’t I know it?!

PHOEBEWhat’s that Aunty?

JULIEOh er yes well – did my best!

PHOEBEAnd in this hard, too-evil world, your best has been heaven. But alas, if only my night was so blissful. As you can tell from my zombie face, I struggled for sleep.

JULIEYou look alright.

PHOEBEBless you Aunty but I look old. Lines, bags – I look like you.

JULIEBeg your pardon?

PHOEBEYou have no choice but to wear the disfiguring scars of time, but I’m only twenty-two.

JULIEDidn’t you put on your meditation whatsit?

PHOEBEI did. But then at three in the morn, I awoke, eyes wide, in a complete state of panic.

JULIEWas it that climate change again?

PHOEBENot this time. For since we’ve binned your plastic, given your car away, and stopped all your holidays I feel much better. No. It was my brother Jack. I’m concerned.

JULIEOh Jack’s alright. He’s like you. Since he left for London to volunteer for the RSPCA or whatever it was –

PHOEBEUnicef Aunty.

JULIE– all his messages have been telling us how he’s doing really well, helping all those poor dogs –

PHOEBEChildren. Indeed, he was most regular in his messages – for we’ve always been inseparable – but the last two weeks, nothing. It isn’t like him. The world is a terrible place, as you know, full of evil people like Andrew Neil. And those friends you used to have – I’m so glad we agreed to get rid of them all by the way.

JULIEHmm.

PHOEBEYou might be lonely now but it was a teachable moment. Anyway I worry Jack may have fallen in with the wrong company.

JULIEJack’s a fine young man.

PHOEBEBut London is a strange place Aunty.

JULIEWell yes so I’ve heard –

PHOEBEOn one hand it contains the most wonderous thinkers and activists! People I would so love to meet and talk to about how we can all make the world a better place! But on the other hand, there’s people of your age – having affairs, making money, doing drugs, and only thinking of themselves.

JULIEYeah sounds really bad.

PHOEBESo I worry, what if Jack forgot who he was?

JULIEI’m sure he’s fine.

PHOEBEThen why no message?

KEVIN THE POSTMAN enters.

KEVINHello there my kettle! Who’s hot and steaming this morning? I reckon we’ve got ten minutes if you fancy a postman’s knock in the back of the old –

JULIEOh morning postman who I don’t know that well! I’m just here with my young niece Phoebe, who’s up unusually early…

KEVINYou – Oh. Right.

PHOEBEOh sir! How wonderful it must be to have an occupation that starts the day with such energy!

KEVINYes I appreciate a job first thing. Gets me up. Don’t it Julie?

JULIEHave you got anything to deliver Mr Postman?

KEVINYes I’ve got quite a package here I was hoping to fit in your slot.

PHOEBEOh for the days when people would get real letters! I’m too young to recall such a time but you must both remember. I write a lot of correspondence.

KEVINDo you?

PHOEBEThere’s nothing like it! You should always use a real pen, ensure it’s full to the brim, then once you’ve given it a good workout, you take the resultant tome gently in your hand, move it towards the cover, insert it all the way inside, before using your tongue to softly lick the flap. What? Oh you both think that sounds like sex! It’s so sad your lazy generation, raised in the disgusting 1990s, are so conditioned by a pornographic society. It’s no wonder you have achieved so very little. Aunty, and Mr Postman, you should think about going on a course to reprogramme your exploitative associations.

KEVINI like the sound of her pornographic society. We should join that…

JULIEGot any letters Kev?

He gets them out and gives them to AUNTY JULIE.

KEVINAunty Julie…

He turns to PHOEBE.

And one for you. Phoebe Virtue.

She looks at it. KEVIN turns back to AUNTY JULIE.

See you tomorrow. Or, if you can’t wait, come round mine. Got those handcuffs from Amazon. We could try them out. Let me know! Bye!

He goes. AUNTY JULIE turns guiltily to PHOEBE, who is looking at her envelope –

JULIEI don’t know what he was talking about! How disgusting! ‘Amazon’ indeed…

But PHOEBE hasn’t been paying attention.

PHOEBEAunty it’s from Jack! His handwriting! At last he’s replied!

She opens the envelope, takes out the letter.

‘Dear Phoebe, it’s touching that you have such concerns about my life here in London. But be consoled I am the brother you always knew. Faithful, true, and always making sure I tread lightly, to leave the world a better place than whence I joined.’

He used the word ‘whence’. Very reassuring.

‘As you’ll know from Instagram I’m working for Unicef but have recently supplemented this by helping out at the food bank at lunchtimes and in the evening I go on Twitter and call people out for being offensive. The work is important and humbling. Know that I think of you often sister. But trust me all is well. I will write again soon, Jack.’

Oh happy day! How silly of me! To believe he had fallen from the heavens and was there in the dirt, corrupted in the squalid –

She stops and looks at her fingers.

… squalid… But what’s this… powder? It came out of the envelope. It’s white –

JULIEWhite? Hang on. Why don’t you give it here, I’ll… check.

PHOEBE gives AUNTY JULIE the envelope. She looks in, seeing how much there is…

PHOEBEWait – there’s a drug that’s a white powder –

JULIEIs there?

PHOEBEYes Aunty, you won’t know but it’s called cocaine. It must have accidentally fallen into the envelope when he posted the letter. But why has he got cocaine in his – Oh. And what’s this… ink… on my finger, and here on the page…

She holds it up.

I hold it to the light. Some print. The letter must have been resting on something when it was written…

Oh!

She throws it away. AUNTY JULIE retrieves it.

JULIEWhat?

PHOEBEIt cannot be believed!

AUNTY JULIE picks it up and tries to see.

JULIE‘The… Tele… Graph.’

PHOEBEWhat dost my fair brother have a copy of that foul rag ’pon his desk?

JULIEOh… just chip paper, probably!

PHOEBEAunty, chip shops haven’t used newspaper in decades. For who would want an inky fish? No the only thing wrapped in this murky epistle is my brother’s hidden character.

JULIEOh, I’m sure it’s just –

PHOEBELondon has done its work – corrupted my sibling from the solemn vow he made to honour our late mother’s memory. Oh what would she say if she could see this now? Spinning in her grave like a wind turbine in an increasingly common weather event.

PHOEBE takes the envelope of cocaine from AUNTY JULIE, and holds it in one hand and the letter in the other. AUNTY JULIE edges to retrieve the coke.

Her beautiful son, reduced to snorting an ethically unforgivable drug, while reading such a reactionary rag as this.

JULIEYes, it’s awful. Shall I just –

PHOEBEI must save him from the clutches of the depraved metropolis. But if I arrive as I am, he will simply hide it, pretend to be my erstwhile virtuous brother. And that will not do. To remedy the boy I must know the full extent of his illness.

JULIEYou could just call him? He’d probably –

PHOEBEI shall go to London and approach him in disguise.

JULIEYou – What?!

PHOEBE– infiltrate his world and bravely set my eyes upon the ugly mutation. Once I’m satisfied I have the measure, I’ll reveal myself, and seek the cure.

JULIEYou mean… You want to go to London?

PHOEBEAunty, I’m aware it’s hard, but every moment wasted could spell his demise. I must pack.

JULIE(Excited.) Wait – you mean… move out?

PHOEBEOh but Aunty – you’re worried how you’ll cope without me!

JULIE(Hurriedly.) Oh. No, no –

PHOEBEFor you’re so old, and frail.

JULIEI’m forty-five.

PHOEBEExactly. Don’t fret, I’ll label the recycling bins.

JULIENah you go love, I’ll manage.

PHOEBEYou mean you think I should leave today?

JULIEWhy not this morning? Not a second to lose.

PHOEBEOh Aunty! So selfless. Well then. I must find a costume, and book a ticket for London forthwith.

(Aside.) I must confess, despite my trepidation, I find the idea of such an adventure rather… bracing. To finally confront in person the very depravity I’ve only ever read about!

JULIEYou er…

PHOEBEYes Aunty?

JULIEYou want me to look after that powder for you? While you’re away. Keep it safe, as evidence?

PHOEBEGood idea. We don’t want it falling into the wrong hands.

She gives it over to AUNTY JULIE.

Wish me fortune Aunty, adventure awaits!

JULIEBye!

PHOEBE goes.