Seatown Blues E-Book

Paul D. Brazill

• Herausgeber: Next Chapter
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Peter Ord, a former private eye and failed author, returns to his hometown of Seatown, hoping to start fresh. But it doesn't take long for him to fall back into his old habits, hanging out with a group of lowlife characters and getting involved in criminal activities.
In "Seatown Blues," Paul D. Brazill weaves a collection of darkly comic tales that follow Peter's misadventures as he navigates the seedy underbelly of his hometown. Along the way, he encounters a cast of offbeat characters, each with their own quirks and secrets.
With Brazill's masterful blend of gritty realism and wry humor, this riveting collection of tales will keep you hooked from beginning to end.

Leseprobe

SEATOWN BLUES

THE PETER ORD YARNS

BOOK 2

PAUL D. BRAZILL

CONTENTS

Dead is a Four-Letter Word

Gun Street Blues

The Shape of a Pear

Punk Fiction

Lowlife, High-Hopes

Stroll On

About the Author

Copyright (C) 2023 Paul D. Brazill

Layout design and Copyright (C) 2023 by Next Chapter

Published 2023 by Next Chapter

Cover art by Lordan June Pinote

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the author's permission.

“What a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.”

- P. G. Wodehouse.

DEAD IS A FOUR-LETTER WORD

The train shook and rattled like an alcoholic in the first stages of withdrawal, dragging me out of the deep, dark womb of sleep by my lapels and into a searing, painful consciousness.

‘Bollocks,’ I muttered. ‘Not again.’

I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus. I looked out of the window. A thick fog hung outside.

‘Where the bloody hell are we?’ I croaked. My throat felt like sandpaper. ‘Is this Seatown?’

‘We’re almost there, mate,’ said the ageing punk rocker that was sat opposite me, wearing a stained Santa Clause costume.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, and it looks a lot friggin’ better when the weather’s like this, I can tell you,’ he said.

‘Not too fond of the place, then?’ I said, stretching my aching arms.

‘Nah, mate. It’s as grim as fuck and every fucker looks like Phil Collins.’

‘Even the women?’ I said.

‘Especially the women.’

We both laughed and he took a swig from a can of Special Brew. He burped loudly.

‘Pardon my French,’ he said.

I chuckled and stood up. I felt my joints ache. I stretched my legs and took my black leather holdall from the overhead luggage area. I put on my black overcoat.

‘I expect it’s changed a fair bit since I was last here,’ I said. ‘Hopefully for the better.’

‘Well, they say that every underdog has its day,’ said the punk.

‘They do indeed,’ I said.

I yawned and walked to the door as the train shuddered to a halt.

‘Are you not getting off here, then?’ I said.

‘Naw, mate, you wouldn’t catch me in that shithole,’ said the punk. ‘No offence, like.’

‘None taken,’ I said, chuckling.

The punk knocked back his lager and crushed the can, like Quint in Jaws. He put it into a tattered Body Shop carrier bag.

I waited for the doors to hiss open and I got off the train. Mist draped the deserted railway station. A foghorn sounded. Someone nearby was letting off fireworks despite the fact that no one could see them in that dense fog.

I pulled a black woollen hat from my pocket and put it on over my shaven head.

My footsteps echoed as I walked across the rusty, metal railway bridge. A steely fog had spread itself across Seatown and I could no longer see the trains creeping slowly below me, although I could hear them. They seemed to rasp and groan. I walked carefully down the steps and paused at the bottom to get my bearings. Smudges of streetlamps trailed off into the distance along Church Street.

My phone buzzed and I took it out of my pocket. It was another text message from Craig Ferry, checking that I was on my way. I replied in the affirmative and headed off down the cobbled street, past the rows of partially demolished terraced houses that looked like broken teeth in the wan light. I could just about make out a radio somewhere playing an old Portishead song about a bow and arrow.

Somewhere in the distance, sirens screamed and a church bell echoed through the icy-cold winter morning. I followed the GPS down the snow smothered street towards the park and paused at its wrought iron gates. My breath appeared and disappeared in front of me like a spectre as I pulled my black woollen hat further over my ears and turned up the collar on my black overcoat.

The purr of a passing car grew to a roar, almost masking the sound of the gunshot, and a murder of crows sliced through the whiteness. I started to run, which certainly wasn’t one of my better ideas.

‘Oh cobblers!’ I said, slipping and sliding on the snow. ‘Oh, what the bloody hell now …’

As I tumbled forward, my glasses fell from my face into the snow and I suddenly felt like Velma from the Scooby Doo cartoons. I lay flat on the ground for a moment to catch my breath and then I picked up my spectacles. I cleaned the lenses with my scarf and scrambled to my feet.

Looking through the smudged lenses, I slowly, trudged towards a parked black BMW. A dark, motionless shape lay next to it in the snow along with five wooden crates.

‘Oh, well, now that is a delightful sight,’ I said, as I looked down on the corpse.

The head had been blown to smithereens, leaving a Rorschach splatter of blood across the stark white snow.

‘It’s like a Jackson Pollock painting gone horribly wrong,’ I said.

‘Jackson Bollocks more like it,’ said Craig Ferry, stepping out of a small copse of trees with a Glock automatic pistol in his hand.

‘Mind you, poor old Olaf there wasn’t exactly an oil painting when he was alive. And dead as a doornail, he looks a hell of a lot worse,’

‘Well, you don’t mess about Craig, I’ll say that for you,’ I said.

‘Time waits for no man,’ said Craig.

He was dressed as a priest and wearing black wraparound sunglasses. He had a fake tan and although his salt n pepper hair now erred on the side of Saxa, it had been very stylishly cut.

‘Morning, Craig,’ I said.

‘Morning, Peter,’ said Craig, taking off his sunglasses. His eyes were red and sore. ‘Well, was a bit of a surprise to find out you were heading back to the ample bosom of your home town. I thought you’d headed off to London with Julie Christie to find literary fame and fortune.’

I shrugged.

‘It’s all fake news these days, isn’t it? Anyway, home is where your arse is.’

‘What can I say?’

‘Quite a lot, usually.’

Craig laughed. He took an energy drink from his jacket pocket, cracked it open and took a swig.

‘Had a bit of a night on the tiles?’ I said.

Craig grunted.

‘Yes, unfortunately. I had to spend the evening at the Masonic Hall, enduring a Duran Duran tribute band just to keep our Bev happy,’ he said. ‘And then she dragged me to The Last Chance Saloon, for the fancy dress karaoke. Hence the clothing.’

‘Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch,’ I said, making the sign of the cross. ‘And what particular tune did you massacre this time?’

‘Would you believe ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ though even I have to admit I was far from magnifico. I thought our Bev was going to die with embarrassment, I really did.’

‘Ah, yes. She’s such a sensitive soul is your sister.’

I smiled. Bev Ferry was as hard as bloody nails, though she did seem to take her pub’s karaoke nights a tad too seriously.

Craig yawned and massaged his temples.

‘You look like death cooled down,’ I said. ‘Which is actually quite comforting since I always take great pleasure in someone looking much worse than I feel.’

‘Well, you know where you can stick your schadenfreude, lad.’

Craig stuck out his tongue and I chuckled.

He put the gun in his jacket pocket and opened the car’s passenger door. He shivered, took out a black overcoat and put it on.

‘Woah! Jack Frost’s really nosing at my nips tonight, lad, I can tell you,’ said Craig.

I exaggerated a yawn and nodded toward the corpse.

‘Well, the sooner we get this bloke moved, the better,’ I said. ‘That sight could be a bit of a nasty scare for any kids that cut through the park on their way to school tomorrow. And it won’t exactly help the local winos with their early- morning hangovers, either.’

‘You’re the milkman of human kindness, you really are, lad.’

‘Yeah, I’ve got pints of the stuff.’

‘Pasteurised?’

‘Comes up to my chest,’ I said.

Craig went over to the car and opened the boot.

‘Give us a hand, then,’ he said, as he pulled at a rolled-up sheet of green tarpaulin.

I went over and grabbed the other end. We hauled the tarpaulin onto the floor near the body.

‘Right, let’s get the crates in first and then we can dump Olaf on top of them,’ said Craig.

‘Heel and toe and off we go,’ I said.

We picked the first crate and lifted it into the car’s boot.

‘Would I be correct in deducing that these crates contain copious amounts of Columbian marching powder?’ I said.

‘That is very well - deduced, lad,’ said Craig. ‘Go to the top of the class but don’t get too high.’

After we loaded up the crates, we spread out the tarpaulin, rolled the corpse onto it and then wrapped it up.

‘Right, lad, you grab the farting end and I’ll grab the burping end,’ said Craig.

I wheezed as we both took hold of the body and lifted it into the boot.

‘I reckon you’re a bit out of shape, lad,’ said Craig.

‘You could be right, though I doubt I’ve ever really been in shape, to be honest.’

Craig took out a small shovel and covered Olaf’s blood and guts with snow. He put the shovel back in the boot and I slammed the boot closed.

‘Where are we taking him?’ I said. ‘Is Jed Bramble’s pig farm still on the go?’

‘Yeah, it most certainly is but his sister Maggie’s taken it over.’

‘Yeah? When? What happened to Jed?’

‘He snuffed it, lad. Massive heart attack. Apparently, he’d turned up at Astros Nit Spot after he’d taken a load of ecstasy and croaked dancing to ‘Firestarter.’

‘Well, I suppose, it’s not really a great shock, to be honest. He wasn’t exactly a creature of moderation.’

‘Hardly.’

‘Do I need to know who that is, by the way,’ I said, nodding towards the corpse. ‘Or who it was, to be more precise.’

‘Well, it is, or was, to be more precise, Olaf Helminen AKA Olaf The Impaler. A very nasty people and organ trafficker.’

‘As opposed to all of those very lovely and cuddly ‘people and organ traffickers’ that we’ve encountered over the years.’

Craig shrugged.

‘Yeah, but this one was taking steps to encroach on the Ferry family’s import and export business, wasn’t he?’

‘Oh, well we can’t be having that, can we? Can’t let people go around encroaching left right and centre. Bang out of order, that is. There’s too much bloody encroaching about, if you ask me.’

Craig smirked.

‘Well, it’s all gravy, isn’t it?’ he said.

‘I wouldn’t know, I don’t eat meat.’

Craig shook his head.

‘You know, I never would have had you down as the squeamish type, lad,’ he said.

‘What can I say?’

‘Quite a lot, usually.’

I grinned.

‘Well, hello Mr Pot, I’d like to introduce you to Mr Kettle,’ I said.

‘Let’s go to work,’ said Craig, opening the car door.

‘I thought only fools and horses worked,’ I said, getting into the passenger seat.

‘Neigh, neigh,’ said Craig.

As the car started up the radio began to play Heatwave’s ‘Boogie Nights.’