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Everyone wants to feel happy. Part of feeling great has to do with feeling attractive. The way you value yourself has a huge impact on your life. This book is about the reasons that keep women from feeling sexy, and how to solve those small problems. It is about maximizing potential, knowing your worth, and living life to the fullest. Whenever you stumble or lose focus, there is always a path to heal and get back on track. So you can feel Sexy and Free.
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Seitenzahl: 164
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019
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SEXY AND FREE
Predictably Beautiful
PERRY PITTS
Copyright © Perry Pitts 2019
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 9781798788783
DEDICATION
I would like to dedicate this book to all of the women in the world who have faced any trials and faced obstacles. You have been an inspiration for me to keep going. You’ve helped to show me how to be a strong man and that caring for others is a strength not a weakness. I encourage and support you in every phase of life. You are amazing.
I’d like to also dedicate this to all of the girls and women who are recovering from sex slavery. WE will stand and fight together. You are not alone!
Last but not least, I’d like to dedicate this to the most inspirational women in my life. My mom. You’ve always encouraged me to be the very best version of myself, and I’m finally trying to live up to that.
CONTENTS
Why Did I Write This Book?
Chapter One: Understanding Your Needs
Chapter Two: Jealousy: Beating the Green Monster
Chapter Three: Moves Like Jagger
Chapter Four: Is Love Real?
Chapter Five: Control Freak
Chapter Six: Breakups: Why Do They Really Happen?
Chapter Seven: Bedroom Play
Chapter Eight: Best of Friends: 5 Easy Steps to Make Him Yours
Chapter Ten: Your Body Is Your Temple
Chapter Eleven: Female Entrepreneur 101: Living with Purpose
Chapter Twelve: Getting Over fear of Speaking
Chapter Thirteen: The Importance of Yoga
Chapter Fourteen: Comfort Zone: Feeling Better About Your Body
Chapter Fifteen: Sexy and Free: Predictably Beautiful
Why Did I Write this Book?
I
’m sure you’ve cared intensely about someone and thought the world of them…and wished they felt that way about themselves, too. This has happened to me many times—I can’t say how often I’ve been sidelined as a woman allowed herself to be mistreated because she wasn’t aware of her own value. All of us have things happen in our daily lives that can impact the way we feel about ourselves, but in my experience, I’ve seen that women seem to be more affected by this than men. I’m hoping that with this book, I can help more women see their inner beauty and strength.
Ever since I started dating, I’ve noticed that many of the most gifted and attractive women are also the women who are the most afraid and vulnerable. Seeing them not value themselves has been painful. It’s also been painful to be viewed as being strange for appreciating them more than they appreciated themselves. At times, I’ve felt that being genuine was maybe the wrong way to go.
This perception of women seemingly not seeing their full value led me to feel more and more compassion for them. I kept thinking, She’s beautiful! Why does she feel this way? Why doesn’t she value herself the way I value her?
This nagging question began to affect my friendships with women, in part because along the way, sometimes I would develop romantic feelings for certain women. When I did, I still couldn’t bridge the perception gap, and that prevented any real magic from developing between us.
Now, let’s not pretend that men don’t also have the same challenges, because they do—in fact, throughout this process, I was starting to feel less valuable myself. Little by little, bit by bit, my confidence was leaving me. I began to fear to speak my mind. I thought I was failing miserably every time things didn’t pan out the way I had hoped they would (no matter how hard I tried). Each time my endeavors fell short, I was reminded of the previous failed situation with the previous woman. All I really wanted was for each of them to see the beauty in themselves, for them to see themselves the way I saw them.
You would think that I would have thrown in the towel after so many failed relationships, but instead, I decided I had to figure out what was going wrong. I did what any man who has repeatedly failed did: I devised a plan. I thought, If I’m constantly losing out on relationships because I think these women are beautiful and valuable, but they don’t see themselves that way, then maybe I should start to see them as less valuable and less unattractive.
That was a terrible idea! That was totally not the way to go. Not only did I feel like I was destroying a part of what I really love, I was living a lie. The truth was, I still felt the same way—I still thought the women I wanted to be with were physically and mentally attractive. But they still didn’t think that, though, and when we lack confidence in our own attractiveness, that lack of confidence leaks into other areas of our life. I saw that they used different methods to get rid of the feeling of feeling unattractive.
My romantic failures were leading me to see where a lack of confidence could take someone: you might wind up pursuing the wrong career, giving up on academic goals, choosing the wrong partner, settling for the wrong person, settling for an undesirable lifestyle…in short, not fully living up to your potential. That’s a painful process! The worst feeling, we can have been knowing we could achieve so much more than we what are achieving, whether we’re thinking about our business, career, education, or romantic affairs.
I decided that maybe relationships just weren’t for me, because I sure wasn’t getting anywhere with my romantic affairs. Frankly, I was terrible at relationships. I stepped back from my romantic endeavors and began to focus on myself. I began to have more and more platonic relationships with women who also weren’t looking for a romantic relationship, women who just wanted companionship.
I still didn’t quite understand why so many of them didn’t feel as attractive as they really were, but what I did immediately notice was that my level of comfort with them changed. I was more at ease with myself. I could start to see things more clearly, especially as I became closer friends with them. Some allowed me to see exactly how they felt about themselves, their relationships, and their careers. They told me why they didn’t feel so sexy…and they even asked me for advice!
At first, I wasn’t sure how I should respond to my newfound close friends, because I wanted them to feel safe and secure. And honestly, most of time, I didn’t think they needed to change anything. These women were already amazing! They just needed to see things from a different perspective. (There truly is a sexiness to being genuine, but it seems like it has become somewhat rare to come across someone who is genuine about what they desire.) Having my female friends confide in me was opening my eyes and even changing my own emotional balance.
I began to express myself differently, mainly because I was constantly hearing about and dealing with emotions. Some of my women friends were going through tough situations: breakups, weight gain, career changes, family issues, etc. In the midst of all of that, sometimes they forgot to love themselves, and I wanted to remind them—all of us need a constant reminder to love ourselves, especially when we don’t feel good about ourselves.
And that’s why I wrote this book: to inspire you and give you genuine reasons to feel beautiful and know your true value. I’m a man, not a woman, but I love and respect women. And because I’m a man and not a woman, by reading this book, women will discover key ways to understand men and how they think. I feel this is something that can help women understand themselves better, too.
This book will serve as constant reminder of how valuable and special you are! You can think of the book’s contents as a road map, because these chapters can help you get to where you would like to go in life.
And you know what else? (Single ladies, you’ll definitely love this.) You don’t need a man to be happy and feel sexy—you can be all you can be as a single woman. You can have satisfying, life-enriching relationships with men without being romantic with them.
One big obstacle to men and women having both platonic and romantic relationships with each other is the communication issue. Communication can be so…well…confusing. I’ve often experienced the awkwardness that can be involved with friendships between men and women. Sometimes someone interprets something the wrong way, especially when one half of the partnership wants to be more than friends but isn’t sure how to make that happen. (Or if that transition should happen.) With that in mind, another thing I’ve done in this book is to break down how to take friendship to the next level step-by-step, including signs to look for to know if a guy friend is interested in you in a romantic way.
Lastly, I’ve offered insight on how to create a more positive mindset about all aspects of your life and how to achieve your goals while managing the crazy weight of responsibilities and stress that the world forces upon us. You’ll even find tips on how to maintain a proper diet, so you can stay fit and feel sexy while balancing your hectic schedule!
Truly, I’ve put my heart and soul into this book. I hope every woman who reads this can benefit from these words. No matter what situation you’ve been in or what background you’ve come from, reading this book can improve your outlook on yourself and your life.
It has been a blessing to write this book, a dream come true! I sincerely hope the thoughts that follow make your life better, too.
chapter oneUnderstanding Your Needs
F
or most for of us, our emotions are our greatest strength and our greatest weakness. We believe in our intuition. What is right or wrong is completely meaningless—whatever feels right to us is right. Emotions dominate our decision making. That means it’s imperative for us to connect with our inner selves on a deeper level! Once we do that, there is no longer any fear, and we can make decisions based on both instinct and reason. Our spirits can roam freely.
Even though we all struggle with our emotions from time to time, sometimes it can be even more of a struggle to deal with someone else’s emotions. Most men haven’t the slightest idea of how a woman feels. If that’s the case with your partner, you probably won’t express your genuine feminine desires, and the relationship will feel as if it's going nowhere. Insecurities arise for both partners, and ultimately, everything falls apart. Who wants to be in a relationship like that? The goal is to bring out the best in him while he brings out the best in you.
The very first step to ensure a successful relationship is to understand your own feelings. Knowing what you’re about means you’ll have an easier time communicating with him. Whether you are married, dating, or flat-out crushing, the goal is to create something special with him. Let it flow. Don’t try too hard, and never rush things! Being patient is incredibly important. Men (and women) who become impatient often don’t realize they already have what they want.
You may be struggling with feelings of insecurity and feeling that you’re not valuable. That’s not surprising given that in our culture, most women have been trained to believe that they can’t have full lives without a man to keep them warm at night. That’s ridiculous! If you do want a man in your life, look for one who doesn’t cling to you and isn’t needy. Look for a man who is focused on his goals, yet also wants to be with you and make time for you. Yes, he exists in his own world, but he would rather share it with you.
What does share your worlds mean? It means two people each have a beautiful life individually and together as a couple. You don’t destroy your individuality—you choose to grow with your partner. You’ll still have “me time” and he’ll still have “he time.” Nobody needs to feel suffocated. Time apart is just as important as time together!
That kind of sharing takes trust, and it’s hard to say how long it takes to gain that trust. Again, one thing is for sure: it shouldn’t and can’t be rushed. Some people have a predetermined schedule for gaining trust…which typically doesn’t work out. How much you trust someone comes down to what you’re feeling at the time, how much you’re invested in the other person, and what your previous relationships were like. Another part of the trust dynamic is having the freedom to explore your options. The more options, the better! Unfortunately, feminine freedom is a relatively new phenomenon and can be confused with being unchaste. But you desire to play the field, and you deserve to choose the best man for your particular needs.
Different Relationship Styles
Everybody has their preferred way of being part of a couple, and to be part of a successful couple, it’s good to take stock of your own style to see what kind of partner would best suit you. Some women are submissive. Submissive women love to be held. They enjoy being told what to do and how to satisfy their man. But! Being submissive doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re most comfortable following your man and trusting him to lead. He is allowed to command and teach his partner in this kind of relationship. On the flip side, some women are dominant and prefer to be in the lead themselves most of the time.
Some women are more aggressive than others. Aggressive women typically do not believe any man should tell them what to do and consider most men incapable of satisfying a woman without instructions. An aggressive woman enjoys approaching men and confronting men and never beats around the bush. Patience isn’t usually one of her strong points. Secretly, she admires a man who won’t back down from her, and her most inner fear is being rejected by a man she allows herself to love. Her heart is very difficult to reach.
Some women are extremely practical. A practical woman doesn’t ask for much, and she’s a realist who won’t hesitate to call people out on their bullshit. She surrounds herself with honest people who are down to earth just like she is. In her world, flaws are appreciated just as much as strengths. She is kind and charitable and a joy to be around. Men who are hopeless romantics may not be good partners for a practical woman, though, as they’ll expect too much sentimentality from her.
Some women are more ambitious than others. For these women, a relationship isn’t overly important. They’ve been goal-oriented from Day 1 and are often afraid to get emotionally involved with someone. Ambitious women may sometimes treat a relationship like it’s a business deal. Because every ounce of her energy is directed towards her career, although she may desire a partner, she doesn’t want to run the risk of a man holding her back. She may also judge a man based on his accomplishments. (Which is okay, because men who aren’t successful usually have things they need to work on.)
So, how would you describe yourself? Which of these four categories do you feel mostly resembles you? Of course, it's possible for you to overlap and have different qualities from multiple categories. No matter where you fall, it's beneficial to identify what type of woman you are so that you can see who is most compatible with you.
Knowing more about yourself also enables you to have a better understanding of your temperament and personality and be better positioned to know how to pursue your goals. Even if things don’t work out with a particular man, you may notice distinct personality traits about him that may translate into you knowing exactly what to look for in another man in the future. Or you may realize that you don’t need a partner at the moment and would be happier being on your own for now.
Sometimes, the reason we avoid relationships isn’t because we don’t know what we want—we’re simply of afraid of getting involved with someone. The key to overcoming fear is having confidence in yourself, knowing that although not everyone sees things the same way you do, that’s perfectly okay. Believe in your value and don’t go into a situation expecting to fail. You can successful in every situation!
Finding someone you like and want to be with can be somewhat simple to extraordinarily complex. Different factors come into play: financial stability (of both potential partners), physical appearance, life situations, etc. Our standards also play a role. The only thing that remains constant is that no one can be successful with someone they’re essentially not attracted to. Stay true to who you are! Never put any pressure on yourself or let anyone put pressure on you to find someone.
You just be you—that’s enough. Men love a woman who knows exactly what she wants. And that’s why understanding yourself is imperative. If you don’t, how will you know what you want and need? The better you know yourself, the quicker you’ll be able to decide if a guy is right for you or not. He has to know you and tease you. He has to be a man. He should be able to guess the activities that drive you mad, in a good way. And you should be attracted to him.
Plenty of outside influences can affect our lives and spark us to react in a certain way. Sometimes, when we talk about the way women react in certain situations, their reactions are categorized as “women problems,” like being emotional, having mood swings, or getting upset. Men can find it difficult to identify with so-called “women problems,” but you can help your partner understand what’s going on in your life by explaining how you feel and why you feel what you feel.
That way, he’ll be able to offer his support and be a more satisfying partner. (If he’s not giving you enough attention in the bedroom, let him know so that he can give you what you need. Then you can release your Venus!) And pay close attention to what he says, too. Communicate and connect with each other.
You might keep certain things to yourself until you completely trust him. That’s okay, but you also need to be honest and not hide what worries you or what you’re uncomfortable with. The more comfortable you become with him, the more secrets you’ll want to reveal. That said, you might not tell him every single detail since you may feel safer holding onto certain secrets. You should make yourself comfortable, and he should make you feel comfortable. When you can both do that, you’re almost guaranteed success!
