Somewhere I Belong E-Book

Elisabeth Kjelmann

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 156

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

In a time with endless choices to live wherever we want, and change our career paths like hairstyles, swiping ourselves through life from date to date and city to city - what decides where we end up? Many have a dream of becoming digital nomads and having the whole world as their neighbourhood, but does the adventure have a time limit? Does everyone eventually get the need to settle down somewhere, or can you be fulfilled emotionally with the road as your permanent home? In this book, you will follow my pursuit of feeling grounded while living 5 years in a suitcase. With anecdotes from travelling alone as a woman in Latin America, how Mexico has helped me stress less and live more, and life-changing perspectives from cultures so far from my small corner of the world.

Leseprobe

DIME, ¿QUÉ MÁS DEBERÍA HABER HECHO?

¿NO ES VERDAD QUE TODO AL FINAL SE MUERE, Y TAN PRONTO?

DIME, ¿QUÉ PIENSAS HACER CON TU ÚNICA VIDA SALVAJE Y PRECIOSA?

TELL ME, WHAT ELSE SHOULD I HAVE DONE? DOESN'T EVERYTHING DIE AT LAST AND TOO SOON?

TELL ME, WHAT IS IT YOU PLAN TO DO WITH YOUR ONE WILD AND PRECIOUS LIFE?

- MARY OLIVER

In a time with endless choices...

WHAT DECIDES WHERE WE END UP?

My generation was born into a world that never stands still. As millenials, we believe we should always be on the move, and that there are endless opportunities for every choice we can make. But what is the right one? Our luxury is that we never have to settle on just one thing. In today’s world, we can start on one path, then change to another a few months later. It may be a career choice that transitions into something totally different than what we planned, moving to a new city to build our life anew, or completely reinventing ourselves. And then we can move on again to try something completely different.

The freedom is wonderful, but at the same time it makes you dizzy. There’s no one or nothing to say STOP as we swipe through life, never settling on anything. What if something better might come up next? We are accustomed to a lifestyle where we’re never ‘stuck’ with anything. It’s a mix of wanting to try everything, never sticking to one thing if it gets a bit hard, and always having the next opportunity seem more tempting than what you already have.

I think many of us share a fear of wasting time. We want to make the most out of our lives, and are afraid that one day we’ll wake up, 10 years older, with no idea what we've been doing for all those years. Work can take up so much of our time, making every week seem similar. It’s so easy to get caught up with it. I think that’s why so many of us have this urge to escape. To go somewhere different, to try something completely new. Over and over again. And the beautiful thing is that we live in a world where this is possible. Wherever you can imagine to go in this world, you can go. We don't get closer to a limitless freedom.

The only downside is that we all eventually long to find our base: somewhere that we can call home. Where we have close friends, and where things don't stay foreign to us. A place where you don’t get this urge to escape and do something completely different.

But with all of those choices, it can be hard to figure out where you should stay. For years I considered that I should never settle down, just stay on the move, only attached to a laptop to work from, and have different bases all over the world with friends to visit.

This culture of endless opportunities is why I ended up living out of a suitcase for 5 years. I loved every minute of it, but at times I found myself searching for somewhere to settle down. At one point I began to think about the future. Who will be my friends, who will be there for me, right around the corner, if I choose to settle down here? I wanted to find my circle of close friends in a place that I loved to live. I was searching for Somewhere I Belonged.

We all have this need to belong somewhere eventually. It might not come as a surprise that there are many interesting studies on the subject. Among these is the 1995 academic paper “The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation” by Baumeister and M R Leary, which concludes that the sense of belonging is a fundamental and powerful human motivation, and how a lack of attachment is linked to ill effects on health, adjustment, and well-being.

The new opportunities to travel to and work from anywhere, can make it confusing to what ‘belonging’ really means to us. Is it a place I can call home, though it’s on the opposite side of the planet from where I was born? Do I actually feel like I belong here, in a deeper sense than where my family is?

Belonging used to be all about where your family is based. Now, the saying “Home is where the heart is” has changed its meaning. So, if you decide to settle down in a foreign country, without the intention of having a family - can you make it feel like home? Can you find that deep sense of belonging there?

In this book you will follow my search for a place that truly felt like home, and how I figured out how to settle and stop the endless carousel. As I’ve always followed my passion more than my head, many of my choices are based completely on impulse, and just what I felt like doing. I’ve never thought about the practical matters first, and the fear of being a failure or getting lost has never really influenced my decisions.

So this book is also about where life takes you, when you jump into it without a parachute.

I’d like to share some of the experiences this mindset brought me, and how I actually figured out what I want my future to hold. I’ll explore both the thrill of jumping into the unknown, ignoring the fear when moving abroad with nothing stable to hold on to, and the comfort when finally finding my base.

I hope that you’ll come along on my journey, and, if you’re experiencing the same carousel as I did, that you’ll get inspired to find that place that allows you to slow down the pace.

TRAVELLING SOLO AS A FEMALE

TRAVELLING SOLO AS A FEMALE

For me to figure out where I wanted to settle, and if I wanted to settle somewhere, my experiences while living abroad has had a high impact. Living abroad is what keeps me longing to go back to those places, because I feel a sense of home in several countries. These trips gave me many new perspectives on life, and made me conscious of how I wanted to live mine. As we only have one of them, it would be a shame to let it go to waste.

I think it was important for me to have these experiences while I was alone. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, and made it natural to dive deep into the new culture, getting close to the people around me while not having anything familiar there with me. It might have been overwhelming at times - scary even - in the beginning. But it was those pushes I needed to grow, become stronger, and get to know myself better.

“But isn’t it dangerous to travel alone as a woman?”. Especially when going to countries like Colombia, Cuba or Mexico? “Why would you put yourself in danger?” -I've even been asked. And I will be completely honest with you here: Yes, it can be dangerous. No matter where you go alone in this world. Regardless of your gender.

Of course there are some differences that I have to be aware of while travelling alone as a woman compared to travelling alone as a guy. In fact, when I visit families in Latin America, they think that I’m completely mad to be travelling on my own. They would ask me where my husband was, or my parents, and would become quite worried when I told them that I was on my own. In that same context, it seems as if the male traveller wouldn’t receive the same reaction.

He would just be encouraged to go live his adventure while women should either not travel at all, or at least be with a male companion.

So what is the fuss about? And why is it more normal to travel alone as a female in European countries than it is in Latin America? Is it just how the perception of gender roles has developed at a different pace - or is there actually something to it?

I know there are several times where I didn’t feel safe, but only in a few of these cases was I actually on my own. Sometimes it has even caused more trouble to travel with others than it would have on my own. Speaking English in a place where everyone is speaking Spanish would of course attract some attention, and some would see it as an easy target for pocket theft. Alone I would be more cautious of my stuff, and I would be speaking in Spanish. Likewise, getting so drunk you don’t know where you are or how to get to your hotel simply wouldn’t happen while travelling on my own - I would only have one or two drinks, and I would be within walking distance from the place I was staying.

I think the key to travelling safely, regardless of gender, is to be cautious. You could find yourself in uncomfortable situations when you least expect it. And if you’re not being careful, it doesn’t matter where you’re travelling in the world when these things happen. Personally, I’ve been in more dangerous situations in Spain than I have been in Mexico (though few tend to believe this). I’ve realised it’s all about how you act while travelling. So I’d like to share my tips for safety later on in this chapter.

Of course, it would be naive to think that the country you’re visiting doesn’t have an impact on your level of safety. Security levels will be different from country to country, and you can’t expect to be able to act just like you do at home.

What does this mean, exactly?

Well, I always follow these rules, that my mum always told me when I began to go out:

Know exactly where you are, what you are doing, and who you are with.

How we perceive countries on the other side of the globe is highly influenced by what we see in the news: we won’t hear about when things are nice and quiet in Colombia. Because it isn’t news. As a result of only getting the biggest news around the world, we sadly only hear about when things get violent. It’s very hard for us to imagine a country so far away from us, both in distance and in culture, without the help of the media. It can be impossible to wrap our heads around it. So of course, we might tend to think that our safety is at greater risk when going to one of these countries, unfortunately known for being dangerous to visit. But we forget that what we see on the news is only from one point of view.

No, of course you cannot go to these countries, drink yourself senseless, and just see where the night takes you. But you cannot do that anywhere without bringing all potential dangers into the equation. If you act like that, uncomfortable situations could appear regardless of whether you are in Mexico City, Barcelona, New York, or Paris.

So how do you let yourself loose on a holiday, if it isn’t from drinking?

There are many ways to let yourself loose while travelling, the point is to allow yourself to relax while still being conscious of your surroundings. You can let loose by getting to know yourself in a new context, and facing the culture in-depth, or simply by turning off your phone. Who are you when you’re not in your home country? Here, you have a chance to escape from the perfect standards and schedules that you might normally tie yourself to.

Travelling alone is a wonderful thing. It is a way of learning about the world and taking in new perspectives completely, not staying in the mindset that you brought from back home. Here, you have time to reflect on your experiences, a different way to perceive the world, and learn how those new perspectives can enrich your life

By travelling alone, you’ll be more open minded to meet new people, and get in depth with the culture. At the same time, you’re flexible when unique opportunities arrive on your journey. From a roadtrip to a jam session at a wedding. You might be coloured from your own prejudice, but the more you get to know the locals and fellow travellers, your view of the culture will get more nuanced, and you’ll open your heart to different lifestyles.

That being said, I consider myself very lucky for the people I’ve met while living abroad, and the chances I’ve had to get in-depth with different cultures. To go beyond tourism. But I think these unique opportunities appear depending on your approach to travelling. They only appear when you are willing to burst out of your comfort zone, and actually want to learn about the language and the culture, at the risk of looking dumb. Though it may be very hard in the beginning, it’s all worth it.

So, how do you travel consciously? Well I have some rules of thumb:

SAFETY TRICKS FOR TRANSPORT

1. When in a cab or Uber

First things first, there is the basic rule of always going in the backseat of a cab or Uber. That should be safe enough, but the ride can still get uncomfortable. You might meet drivers who ask if you have a fiancé or boyfriend. Don’t get annoyed, and just answer calmly that your fiancée is from here and that you’re visiting. You cannot fake how well you know your way around in the city. Don’t try, because this will make it obvious that you’re lying to him at some point. But you can fake your social situation: how many people you know in the city and where you’re staying.

I usually say that “my fiancée” works for the police and that it’s always exciting to hear his stories. There is no reason to be honest with a stranger: this is about your safety. If they ask me if I’m travelling alone, I’d say that I’ve arrived alone, but that I’m staying with a group of friends.

2. Using your phone in the cab

If the driver makes you feel uncomfortable, make someone call you or make a fake call. It can be a good idea to check the route on your phone while going from A to B, but sometimes it can have the same effect as a tourist holding up a big map in the middle of the street: “Hi, I’m clueless and I have no idea where we are”.

Instead, if you know someone in the city or even better, have people waiting for you, share your location with them. I usually only check the route in a non obvious way, while pretending to do other stuff on the phone.

3. Never get dropped off at the exact address

Ask the driver to drop you off at a store or another public place a block or two from where you are staying, so that they don't catch your address. In Latin America, if it’s after 10 pm and I’m going home alone, I would always get a cab instead of walking. No matter how short the distance.

4. When you shouldn’t use the cab at all

In some areas of the world where guns are allowed to be carried, it can be dangerous to catch a cab after a certain hour. If it seems like a rough or poor neighbourhood, do some research and ask at a local café or similar. The risk here, for any traveller, is that the chauffeur will drive you to an empty street, threaten you with a gun, and take all your money and belongings. To avoid this, try and get in touch with the locals and see how they would go about in their own daily life. If they wouldn’t catch a cab alone late at night, neither should you.

5. When Ride apps make things more safe

On the other hand, ride apps have provided me with safe travel on various occasions. You get full information about any driver, and can see others’ experiences with the person. At the same time, the car is always being tracked, and it is noticed if the car stops in the middle of the route. I especially find this important after having heard a few bad stories about untrackable cabs. If anything happens, you definitely want to play it safe.

If I’m in a big city where I’m unfamiliar with the neighbourhoods, streets, and basically everything, the ride app will see my location, and pick me up exactly where I’m standing.

No need to explain what part of the street I’m on or having to go to a specific pickup point. They’ll find me.

6. Avoid getting overcharged

Here is an easy trick not to get fooled: in several Latin American countries it is common to agree on a price, before you get into the cab. Tell them where you’re going, and hear their price (here, it’s even okay to haggle). If you just get in without agreeing on a price beforehand, you are very likely to get overcharged. For not being local you will most likely be overcharged anyway, but see if you can avoid paying too much by using this trick. Without getting into an argument, of course. Simply walk away if the price is outrageous and they won’t settle for something a bit more decent.

SAFETY ACROSS BORDERS