Talk Less, Say More E-Book

Connie Dieken

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 143

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2009

Beschreibung

Talk Less, Say More is a revolutionary guide to 21st century communication skills to help you be more influential and make things happen in our distracted, attention-deficit world. It's loaded with specific tips and takeaways to ensure that you're fully heard, clearly understood, and trigger positive responses in any business or social situation. It's the first book to deliver a proven method to master the core leadership skill of influence. Talk Less, Say More lays out a powerful 3-step method called Connect, Convey, Convince (R) and guides you in how to use these habits to be more influential. This succinct book solves your modern communication issues in today's demanding, distracted world at a time when interaction skills are plummeting. Communication is the single greatest challenge in business today. It takes just 3 habits to conquer it. Talk Less, Say More will help you achieve more with less. Less wordiness. Less tune-out. Less frustration. You'll gain more time. More positive outcomes. More rewarding relationships.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Praise

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Introduction

HABIT 1: CONNECT - MANAGING ATTENTION

Chapter 1 - Why Connect?

Chapter 2 - Stay in Their Moment

FIVE TIPS TO STAY CONNECTED WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

FIVE TIPS TO ACCEPT CRITICISM LIKE THE MASTERS

FIVE TIPS TO CRITIQUE WITHOUT DEFLATING OTHERS

Chapter 3 - Frontload

Chapter 4 - Goldilocks Candor

HOW TO TAKE CRITICISM

Connect Review and Action Plan

HABIT 2: CONVEY - MANAGING INFORMATION

Chapter 5 - Why Convey?

Chapter 6 - The Eyes Trump the Ears

Chapter 7 - Talk in Triplets

Chapter 8 - Tell Stories

Convey Review and Action Plan

HABIT 3: CONVINCE - MANAGING ACTION

Chapter 9 - Why Convince?

Chapter 10 - Sound Decisive

Chapter 11 - Transfer Ownership

Chapter 12 - Adjust Your Energy

Convince Review and Action Plan

Putting It All Together

About the Author

Acknowledgements

Index

Praise for Talk Less, Say More

“Talk Less, Say More is packed with powerful advice to get your points across and make things happen in today’s time-pressed world. Connie’s forward-thinking, actionable communication shortcuts can elevate anyone’s game.”

—Bruce Carbonari, Chairman & CEO, Fortune Brands

“Connie Dieken is a true communication virtuoso and a genuine phenomenon. She is on a mission to elevate our ability to communicate. Talk Less Say More should be required reading for all leaders and emerging leaders. It can instantly transform the way people respond to you, giving you the power to deliver brief, clear messages that influence the world.

—Robert Johnson, Managing Counsel, McDonald’s Corporation

“Connie Dieken’s three-step strategy is a smart, practical guide for business leaders and others who want to create a high-performance culture. It’s an important, powerful book on how to master communication in the 21st Century.”

—Tom Swidarski, President & CEO, Diebold

“Talk Less, Say More has become an integral part of our sales training program. In today’s manufacturing environment, our sales engineers must be able to quickly gain mind share of our customers, deliver the appropriate messages, and win new business. Talk Less, Say More provides the communication tools critical for success.”

—Dana Fritz, Manager, Global Sales Training, Rockwell Automation

“Talk Less, Say More is the answer to become an effective communicator. Connie’s principles can be employed immediately to improve both your personal and business interactions.”

——Terry Bauer, Corporate Director of Sales Execution, Reinhart FoodService

“Thanks to Connie’s communication expertise, she makes it easy for anyone to transform from a good communicator to an excellent one. Her three simple principles are based on real-world experiences and demonstrate the power of a strong communicator.”

——David Lingafelter, President, Moen Incorporated

Copyright © 2009 Connie Dieken. All rights reserved.

Talk Less, Say More; Connect, Convey, Convince; onPoint Communication; Communiclutter; Make Things Happen; You Lost Me at Hello; and Communication Intelligence are registered service marks of onPoint Communication® 2006-2007.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

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eISBN : 978-0-470-54968-1

To the two most influential people in my life, Spencer and Ali

Introduction Connect-Convey-Convince®

Face-to-face communication skills are plummeting in the twenty-first century. What does it take to be an influential communicator in today’s information-overload, attention-deficit, distraction-driven world? Do you have to morph into a superhuman communicator to keep people tuned in to your ideas when you’re face-to-face?

No, when it comes to communicating influentially in our fast-paced, Twitter-happy society, less is more.

Now More Than Ever, Less Is More

You can become a high performance communicator if you simply get into the practice of using three habits in the right order. This simple shift in how you get your points across will create an enormous change in how people respond to you, whether you’re talking to an audience of one or one thousand.

Forget the endless communication techniques that you’ve heard about over the years. All of those techniques actually boil down to just three skills: Connect-Convey-Convince®. I first discovered this high performance secret when I was a television news anchor and talk show host with access to communication masters such as former president Bill Clinton, sex guru Dr. Ruth Westheimer, and General Electric CEO Jack Welch. I studied skilled communicators as they influenced our television viewers, studio audiences, and television production staff, which sparked my decade of high performance communication research and, ultimately, this book.

Tired of Struggling to Get Your Points Across?

This book is brief but meaty by design. It will teach you how to use these three principles to win positive responses in a world of short attention spans, even from the most difficult people in your life and those who are the most distracted and impatient. Suddenly, people will pay attention to you, understand you clearly, and commit to action.

Consider how you currently approach communication. In our crazy busy world, words flow from your mouth or fingertips. You explain, request, plead, sugarcoat, apologize, question, and/or demand. All in a quest to make things happen. Sometimes your words inspire action. However more often, they don’t. Even worse, your attempts spark subsequent back-and-forth exchanges to clarify what you really want. Time is wasted, mix-ups occur, and opportunities are squandered.

In your rush to meet today’s overwhelming demands, you’re probably using tech tools to dodge and deflect. Case in point: how often do you do these things?

• Check caller ID, think, “Not you, not now,” and send the caller to voice mail jail, playing digital dodgeball?

• Check voice mail and e-mail simultaneously?

• Grow impatient with long-winded callers and zap their messages in midsentence?

• Return people’s calls, hoping they’re not there, only to be disappointed when they pick up the phone and you actually have to talk to them?

• Talk to someone in person when your cell phone rings . . . and you answer it, leaving someone hanging?

• Communi-fake, pretending to be on your phone to avoid talking to someone in person?

The question is, How often are others doing this to you? Every one of us has our own “buttons” that get pushed, leading to negative results, including tune-out. People push your buttons. You push theirs, too, even when you don’t intend to.

It’s time to press the right three buttons for results in today’s fast-paced world to keep people tuned in and raise your ratings.

It’s Time to Engage, Gain Clarity and Commitment

Becoming an influential communicator is the solution. This sequence of habits—Connect-Convey-Convince®—will help you grab attention, gain complete clarity, and sway others to make things happen. It will help you successfully influence even the busiest people.

The strategy is simple, and yet it creates profound differences in how others respond to you. Suddenly, you’ll become a high performance communicator who keeps people tuned in and wins positive results.

Let’s get started maximizing success by minimizing words.

HABIT 1: CONNECT

MANAGING ATTENTION

Give People What They Want and Value So They’ll Tune In

10 SIGNSYOU MAY BE A WEAK CONNECTOR

Do You Do This?

1 You have trouble getting people to listen to you, pay attention to your ideas, or return phone calls or e-mails.

ISSUE: CONNECTING ESSENTIALS

FIND HELP: page 11

2 You’re impatient, easily distracted, or often multitask while communicating.

ISSUE: STAY IN THEIR MOMENT—STAY RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

FIND HELP: page 19

3 You don’t listen well, interrupt frequently, dominate discussions, or start most conversations with what matters most to you.

ISSUE: STAY IN THEIR MOMENT—LISTEN FOR INTENT

FIND HELP: page 21

Are You a Weak Connector?

4 You’re preoccupied with how others may be judging you.

ISSUE: STAY IN THEIR MOMENT—AVOID CODE RED FIND HELP: page 23

5 You frequently ramble, take too long to get to the point, or have been told that you’re dull or boring.

ISSUE: FRONTLOAD—NAIL THE BIG IDEA

FIND HELP: page 31

6 You automatically use the same method of communication to reach everyone—the method that you prefer.

ISSUE: FRONTLOAD—CHOOSE THEIR PREFERRED METHOD OF COMMUNICATION (PMOC)

FIND HELP: page 34

7 You’re not good at reading people’s body language, or you have trouble reading between the lines of what they say.

ISSUE: FRONTLOAD—DEFUSE DEFENSIVENESS

FIND HELP: page 37

8 You’re often judgmental or critical of others in public.

ISSUE: GOLDILOCKS CANDOR—DON’T DEMORALIZE

FIND HELP: page 47

9 You sugarcoat, sidestep, or hold back to avoid conflict or criticism.

ISSUE: GOLDILOCKS CANDOR—DON’T SUGARCOAT

FIND HELP: page 49

10 People don’t share honest, timely feedback with you.

ISSUE: GOLDILOCKS CANDOR—CREATE A CANDID CULTURE

FIND HELP: page 50

1

Why Connect?

Attention Management

Does this sound familiar? You’re sharing an idea in a meeting when a sinking feeling washes over you that no one is paying attention. A quick scan of the room confirms it. Some people are distractedly thumbing BlackBerry devices under the table. Others have dashed out to take phone calls. Still others are fidgeting with text messages. The few who are not ignoring you are so impatient that they cut you off and talk over you.

Engage or Be Ignored

That’s what happened to David, an emerging leader at a global consumer product company. It was happening in everyday conversations, but it really upset him when it occurred during a presentation.

David was puzzled, thinking what went wrong? He’d spent endless hours preparing for his big moment—gathering information, confirming facts, and painstakingly creating dozens of difficult slides. He had immersed himself in preparation.

Yet, when he stood in front of his audience to deliver the message, he lost them at hello.

David experienced the most common communication breakdown facing business professionals today: he failed to connect. He didn’t manage his audience’s attention. As a result, he had no chance to convey his message so they’d clearly understand it, or convince others to make decisions and take action.

Chances are this has happened to you today, in a conversation, a phone call that wasn’t returned, or even an ignored e-mail. In this chapter, you’ll discover the first step for communicating at your highest performance level in a distracted, attention-deficit world. You’ll learn how to capture people’s hearts and minds so you don’t lose their attention or drive them to distraction.

Make It a Habit

Have you noticed that some people are natural connectors? They seem to attract attention like magnets. Why? The world’s top communicators make connecting a habit.

The difference between the masters and the rest of us is that they’ve learned to make connecting automatic—they do it every time, with every person. They make engaging people and managing their attention a priority.

Perhaps you have the gift—this power to draw attention. If not, don’t worry. Connecting is a learnable skill. It’s not like singing ability. You can learn to be an A-list connector even if you’ve spent your whole life skipping this step and ending up ignored or tuned out.

Connecting is the ability to engage and manage people’s attention in today’s busy world. It’s changed profoundly. It’s no longer enough to make contact. Now you must give people what they want and value in order to earn their attention, or they’ll tune you out. Connecting used to be a “nice to have” competence, but it’s now a make-or-break skill. That’s because there’s been a monumental power shift in communication. The listeners now hold the power. It’s as if they hold the remote control and you’re just one of many TV channels. They have options, so if you want to be Must-See TV, you must connect smartly.

Today’s Make-or-Break Skill

The people you’re communicating with can zap you at any moment with their internal remotes, lured away by more appealing distractions such as e-mail, text messages, cell phone calls, or Web surfing. People have become so impatient in our fast-faster-fastest world that they don’t even wait for you to finish a sentence—they cut you off and talk right over you.

Our attention-deficit world also encourages people to disconnect from in-person conversations:

• Have you ever been talking with someone when their cell phone rings and they choose to answer it and leave you hanging?

• Has the person in the next cubicle ever shot you an e-mail instead of walking over to talk to you?

• Are people keeping you at arm’s length with e-mail and text messages instead of returning calls or talking face-to-face?

Blame the lure of instant gratification. Think about it: we’re now conditioned to get what we want, pronto. For example, there’s GPS, speed dating, instant messaging, quick weight loss surgery, spray tans, ten-minute whitening strips—the list is endless. You don’t even have to pay professional dues anymore, with shortcut shows like American Idol around to catapult you to the top. We’ve become a shortcut society.

That means you have to win people over in a hurry as attention spans shrink. It’s vital to connect with people on their terms. So how do you do this? Simple: Give people what they want and value right up front. That’s my definition of smart connecting: Give people what they want and value so you keep their attention.

Biggest Blunders: Self-Absorption and Aimless Schmoozing

Think of a time when you failed to engage someone. Why did you fail to connect? There are countless reasons. Among them, perhaps you:

• Took too long to get to the point

• Chose the wrong method

• Didn’t focus on the person

• Failed to grasp their true resistance

• Misjudged what they wanted or valued

• Lost your head and came across badly

• Sugarcoated a subject or demoralized someone

• Weren’t specific enough

• Used a one-size-fits-all approach

All of these scenarios cause tune-out in today’s short-attention-span, self-absorbed society. What’s the solution? Give people what they want and value, quickly. If you simply zero in on what matters most to your audience, they’ll reward you by paying attention. Like Tom Cruise in the movie Jerry Maguire, you’ll have them at hello.

Now that you realize connecting is critical in our instant-gratification society, it’s time to start putting this attention-grabbing rule to work so you can advance toward conveying important information and convincing people to act. The first section of the book will focus on smart connecting strategies and techniques that you can start using today to manage the attention of your audience, enabling you to perform at your highest level and make your ratings soar.

2

Stay in Their Moment

Be Fully Present

Staying in their moment means fully focusing on the needs of the people with whom you’re communicating. It means first managing your own attention in order to win other people’s interest. This triggers a positive gut reaction that engages people and keeps their attention focused on you and your message. Use this strategy and you’ll attract, not distract.

Fully Focus on Their Needs

Linda, an up-and-coming corporate executive, learned to stay in their moment