The Art of Farting E-Book

Parviz Shirmohammadi

• Herausgeber: WS
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Seitenzahl: 104

Beschreibung

This book offers pure hilarious comedy, romance, adventures, and fun entertainment for any reader. It shows everything you always wanted to know about your fart. It is one of the funniest and most entertaining books you have ever read. It talks about how a fart traveled throughout time and how it affected entire human history. It goes without explaining that it brings many hours of pure laughter and fun to you. It is a comic book that takes you through a hilarious roller coaster joyful ride. It is amusing to read and will leave you with a lasting and delightful experience. You will never look at your fart the same way again.

Leseprobe

The Art of Farting

Soon the reign of fresh air will be all over.

ParvizShirmohammadi

Disclaimer: For Entertainment Purposes Only!

The author has written this book to entertain you and make you laugh in your free, relaxing time. After you have worked for a long day, you deserve a chance to relax, laugh, and have a great time.

By reading this book, you agree not to use the information presented here to create an incredibly malodorous harmful environment for others in any adverse manner.

You agree to the following:

1. You agree not to break gas in closed environments and social gathering places.

Social gatherings could well include:

a. Family parties, birthday parties, conferences, and all job-related parties,

b. Official meetings include religious praying sessions, engagement parties, weddings, graduation ceremonies, and classroom sessions.

c. Dates (Yes, that includes blind dates, too. Only if you were trying to relieve yourself of the company of the opposite sex. Your total stranger will indeed take a note of it. Remember that you could never get away with it.

2. Should you choose to act otherwise, you agree not to hold the author or publisher accountable and responsible for the overall consequences of your harmful malodorous actions.

3. Any other responsibility or claims made by you will be dismissed because of the nature of your smelly purposes.

4. The information here was correct at the time of publishing. However, we cannot assume any liability to any party for any damage, loss, or evident disruption caused by errors or omissions. Whether those errors or omissions result from your sole negligence, accident, or any other cause.

5. Under no circumstances will the author or the publisher accept any liabilities resulting from the harmful actions of the readers involved.

This book is an entire work of fiction. The names of characters, agencies, corporations, lists of vocabularies, acronyms, incidents, and dialogues all are drawn purely from the author's imagination. Under No Circumstances, they are to be interpreted as factual or accurate. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental and fictitious.

Copyright © 2021 by Parviz Shirmohammadi. All Rights Reserved!

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission and authorization of the author or the publisher.

The Art of Farting / Parviz Shirmohammadi. —1st Edition.

ISBN: 978-1-7367427-0-9

Edited By: Roxana Coumans

Cover Design By: Arash Jahani

Layout By: Arash Jahani

The Art of Farting

This book SHOWS everything you always Wanted to know about your fart.

What your biology teachers never told you about your most basic Bodily Function.

BY

Parviz Shirmohammadi

Written by a Man Who Has Researched, Experienced and Suffered the Effects of Second-hand Farting in Life

Table of Contents

PREFACE

Dedication

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

Flatulence Vocabulary & Acronyms

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

PREFACE

Why A Book about Farting?

I originally authored this book because I wanted to create an amusing and hilarious book for readers worldwide. This book guarantees you will have a shame-free future. It helps you develop the skills required to be a sound Farter so you don’t become a laughingstock.

Passing gas in the right place at the right moment is enough to prevent having the most embarrassing moments of your life.

Upon authoring this book, I only had two questions on my mind. What if I could write an entertaining, funny, and hilarious book that could make readers happy all the time? What if I could create a hilarious and entertaining book that leaves the best and funniest reading experience for all readers?

You know this is the type of book that could make any reader laugh and create an enjoyable experience. It took me a day to mentally organize that idea.

On the same day, I had a precise writing action plan for the whole general mapping of this book on my mind. The fact is comedy books are tough to write.

It is hard to develop a hilarious idea and a totally different complicated viewpoint and turn it into a funny book. The other complex challenge is how different parts of the world have different views about a specific hilarious idea.

However, I am glad that I wrote this book. I had the best time of my life writing this book. Every single creative, and funny sentence that I wrote, made me extremely happy.

I thought if it could make me a much happier person, it would make any reader in this world much more euphoric, too.

After all, who wouldn’t want to read a comedy book, relax, laugh, and have a great time? If you’re going to laugh and relax after returning home from work, this is the book that you would want to read.

It is easy and clear to understand and read. Thus, all readers at any level can enjoy reading it.

It does not matter who you are or where you live in this world. Laughter always helps you recharge, energize your strength, and be ready for the upcoming career and life challenges that lie ahead. If my humorous book makes you laugh out loud and roll on the floor, then I have done my best writing job for you.

Happy Reading!

Parviz

Dedication

I am dedicating this book to my dear parents, especially my beloved late father (Enayat), who created a great household where laughter, creativity, kindness, and love were always present and welcomed. He always believed in me and my writing talents far more than anybody else. He will be missed in my heart forever.

Humans Perform The Act of Farting Daily.

I just wrote a book about it.

Parviz

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First and foremost, I would like to thank my dear brother Payam who has always supported me in writing and publishing this comedy book from the very beginning. He has been my number one supporter in all my writing projects. He has been kind enough to listen to my different funny ideas to make this humorous book far better than before. He has a heavenly talent to listen carefully and patiently to what I came up with for this book and provide the best and most effective critical outlook on them.

I would like to thank all my other family members, relatives for their patience and support, co-workers, and new friends discovered during this work’s writing and publishing.

Furthermore, my sincere heartfelt appreciation and gratitude go to my dear friend Mr. Michael Yong Lee. He has the genuine spirit of the late legendary Bruce Lee in him. Sometimes in life, to achieve your dreams and reach your goals, you need someone who believes in you and encourages you daily. Thank you for being there for me. I will never forget your kindness. It is such a great privilege to know you and have you as a friend. Thank you very much for believing in me. You will always have my most tremendous respect, care, attention, and love.

Writing and entertaining readers worldwide are all the best parts of my life.

I could not write this book without the ongoing moral support from all the people mentioned earlier.

CHAPTER 1

The History of Farting

When it comes to the concept of farting, you may think that there is no clear history about it anywhere. However, there has always been a great deal of historical information about farting throughout the different times. And make no mistake, the various governments have tried to keep it as one of their most guarded secrets from the public.

They had a compelling reason. All government entities believed that if people got a chance to experience the real power of their farts. They would easily use it to overthrow the government.  

In ancient Rome, the Senate Members tried their best to ensure no ordinary people had access to their secret Underground Windbreaker Society.

The UWS membership rule was simple and easy to understand. No member could break gas in public loudly. That went to explain why all members were releasing gas only in underground areas. And why were they doing their gas-passing ritual underground? There were convincing reasons. First, think about it for a second! How could they do it over the ground?

Second, the other reason was that no one complained about exposing people to the evil effects of farting in the unground areas. If the public complained about the bad smell, they could blame the person using the bathroom.

In ancient Persia, any time that the Persian army wanted to disarm the enemy without having bloodshed. They would use their unique secret weapon, the destructive malodorous power of their farts.

They would do it uniquely. The prepared soldiers would go to a top height, remove their pants and underwear, bend down and break gas right along the direction of the wind blowing. The rest of the military operation was easy, and most of the time, it would proceed automatically.

The enemy had no choice but to get exposed to the incredibly foul-smelling massive cloud of thousands of farts.

Moments later, all of them would fall to the ground and pass out for hours. An unconscious enemy is always a weak one.

By then, it was not hard to remove their weapons and tie up their hands. The Persian Army captured and conquered so many lands that way.

It is said that the Great Alexander discovered the ancient secret to create far better, deadlier human gas. He was the only one who secretly watched the significant Zeus’s flatulence rituals from his hideout. 

The Gods were always one step ahead of everything humans were good at performing. Flatulence power was among the essential skills that they excelled in doing all the time.

Later, at any time, Alexander and his army were outnumbered by the enemies. Alexander would lead the entire army to the most apparent victory using his smelly farts far sooner than anybody else.

He could release one right at the beginning of his attack. The enemies’ horses and even elephants could sense his gross gas from a mile away. He would neutralize them and make them fall to the ground while their riders were on their back.

That removed the mightiest parts of their army first and foremost. He would proceed and fart away all around the enemy forces from then on while riding his black horse swiftly in spiral riding movements. That effective milestone move was the basis of all his victories worldwide.

He always fought along with his most skilled windbreakers riding behind him. He used his effective silent Fart as his most secretive chemical weapon against all his foes.

Many countries decided not to even go to war with him as soon as they found out the truth behind all his glorious victories one after another.

However, humans learned that if they could fart on an animal’s face. Then, they could show their real fart power. Soon, the animal world noticed they could never defeat humans who had deadly farts in their bottoms.

Overall, the flatulence power guaranteed protection against invasion, pillaging, manslaughter, and more.

CHAPTER 2

The Protective Role of a Fart

A single fart travels at a speed of over 40 feet per second. That is far slower than the speed of sound. However, the gross fatal effect of that velocity is absolute. The fresh air just ceases to exist instantly.

In recent years, many international archeologists discovered numerous caveman paintings that proved and illustrated how troglodytes were using the power of their gross smelling farts to defend themselves.

The latest research findings proved the elusive controversial history of wind-breaking dates back to the earliest cavemen and cavewomen times. Scientists have discovered caves worldwide, showing charcoal paintings proving how cave dwellers were using the malodorous power of a fart to survive.

Archeologists can quickly show that primitive humans were using windbreaker power to defend their reigns.

In the animal kingdom, almost all-powerful animals use urination to mark their territory.

They found many paintings that showed how primitive humans caught the wild animals using humanly made giant stone traps. The whole process was self-explanatory and easy to do.