The Book of Happiness E-Book

Heather Summers

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 228

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2010

Beschreibung

The acclaimed authors of The Book of Luck are back with some brilliant ideas for bringing more happiness into your life. The Book of Happiness is more than just a practical guide to improving your happiness levels. It's a complete makeover, aimed at putting a spring in your step, and a permanent lift to your spirits. We all know happiness is a state of mind, but few of us know how to improve our share of it. Many people think that happiness just comes out of nowhere. Not so. The reality is you can create your own happiness by choosing what you do, what you say, where you go, what you remember, who and what you surround yourself with, what you think and what you listen to. The Book of Happiness kicks off with a Happiness Questionnaire to give you an instant snapshot of your current state of mind. Once you have scored yourself, you will learn the areas you need to focus on. There is a workbook to complete at each key stage, as well as stirring anecdotes, tips and happy thoughts to keep you going. Just remember: it only takes 21 days to get rid of an unwanted habit and to acquire a new one. Isn't it about time you got the happiness habit?

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

About the Authors

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 - The Happiness Questionnaire

The Stairway of Happiness Scoring Grid

The Stairway of Happiness

The Stairway of Happiness

Chapter 2 - The Stairway of Happiness

The Stairway of Happiness

People on the Steps

Working at the next Step up

Chapter 3 - Surroundings

The First Step on the Stairway of Happiness

The environment we grow up in

Where you live

A dream house abroad

Energy and your Surroundings

Getting out of the trap

How we gain self-worth

Happiness can’t be bottled - it’s different for everyone

You get what you give

The different kinds of relationships we have

Use comparisons wisely

Surroundings and health

Surroundings and money

Brilliant Ideas to develop the Happiness Habit in your Surroundings - It will ...

WORKBOOK

Chapter 4 - Behaviour

The Second Step on the Stairway of Happiness

Personal power

The internal voice

The power of 21-century communication

Happiness lies within

Recognise the power of your filters

Emotional hijacks

Just in time to be too late

Brilliant Ideas to develop the Happiness Habit in your behaviour - it will only ...

WORK BOOK

Chapter 5 - Skills and Capabilities

The Third Step on the Stairway of Happiness

How good are you?

The difference between Skills and Capabilities

Creative avoidance

Learn a new skill

Happy genes?

Laughing and smiling

The happiness paradox

Looking at things differently

Using your brain power

Keeping up to date

Taking care of you

Comedy and humour

Laughing gas

Flexibility

Relationships

Money

The lottery and the road to happiness

Brilliant Ideas to develop the Happiness Habit in your Skills and Capabilities ...

WORKBOOK

Chapter 6 - Values and Beliefs

The Fourth Step on the Stairway of Happiness

Be true to yourself

Programming and power

The fruit tree

Believe it or not

Feng Shui or not

Looking good

Financial beliefs

Beliefs about relationships

Beliefs and health

Good citizens

Values and decisions

Brilliant Ideas to develop the Happiness Habit in your Values an d Beliefs - it ...

WORKBOOK

Chapter 7 - Identity - Be Yourself

The Fifth Step on the Stairway of Happiness

The Happiness Habit for you

Developing your Identity

Easily spotted

The football scarf

Clubs and societies

Beating yourself up

Losing your Identity

Friends Reunited

Genes Reunited

The identity crisis

Being yourself

Reducing negative feelings

Age and who you are

Fighting the failure demon

Identity theft

Nature or nature?

Brilliant I deas to develop the Happiness Habit in your Identity

WORKBOOK

Chapter 8 - Purpose

The Sixth Step on the Stairway of Happiness

Knowing your Purpose

The paradox of success

Dreams

Your dream - not mine

Stop wasting time on regrets and start looking forward

Brilliant Ideas to develop the Happiness Habit by bringing more Purpose in your ...

WORKBOOK

Appendix 1

Appendix 2

Index

Copyright © 2006 by Heather Summers and Anne Watson

The right of Heather Summers and Anne Watson to be identified as the authors of this book has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

First published 2006 by

Capstone Publishing Limited (a Wiley Company)

The Atrium

Southern Gate

Chichester

West Sussex

PO19 8SQ

www.wileyeurope.com

Email (for orders and customer service enquires): [email protected]

All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London W1T 4LP, UK, without the permission in writing of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex PO19 8SQ, England, or emailed to permreq@wiley. co.uk, or faxed to ([phone].

Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book are trade names, service marks, trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective owners. The Publisher is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold on the understanding that the Publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services. If professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

CIP catalogue records for this book are available from the British Library and the US Library of Congress

eISBN : 978-1-907-29390-0

Internal illustrations by G O’Byrne

Typeset in 12/14 pt Palatino by Sparks, Oxford - www.sparks.co.uk

Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International Ltd, Padstow, Cornwall

This book is printed on acid-free paper responsibly manufactured from sustainable forestry

in which at least two trees are planted for each one used for paper production.

About the Authors

Heather Summers is an experienced senior executive who now runs her own successful human resources and management consultancy business. As well as strategic consultancy she specialises in executive coaching, personal growth coaching and training. Heather believes we all have much more potential than we give ourselves credit for. All the training that she is involved in, including the Luck Workshops she runs with Anne Watson, help people find and fulfil that potential.

Heather holds an MBA, has an MA in English Literature and French, is qualified in Psychometrics and is a Master Practitioner in NLP. She is married with two children and lives in Harrogate.

Anne Watson runs an executive search business that focuses on finding high-achieving executives for businesses, and works with teams to ensure that they achieve their potential. In 1998 she sold a successful business, gaining the freedom to work in those areas that she is most passionate about. This includes running Luck Workshops with Heather Summers and challenging participants to take charge of their own destiny and outperform their own expectations. She has an MA Hons in Hispanic Languages, speaks four other languages including Urdu, is a qualified psychometrician and is a Master Practitioner in NLP. She is married with two children and divides her time between London and Harrogate.

To contact the authors, please email them at:

[email protected] [email protected]

Alternatively, you can visit www.switchtosuccess.co.uk

Acknowledgements

We are very happy to acknowledge that we have had huge fun writing this book and that we were encouraged and helped by many people along the way. We are very grateful to everyone who has visited our website www.switchtosuccess.co.uk and filled in the Happiness Questionnaire, thus helping us with our research. We were delighted that so many people took the trouble to get in touch and offer us their personal stories and experiences.

John Moseley, Commissioning Editor of Wiley, and Iain Campbell, Marketing Manager, have supported us throughout with their professionalism and with their humour - what a powerful combination! Scott Smith from Wiley was the source of irrepressible inventiveness as well as having a song for every occasion.

The team at Lancaster University, Amelia Johnson, Angela Burns, Louisa Hebb and Laura Richmond, did a sterling job of the research, providing thought-provoking findings for us to develop.

So many others helped us along the way with their willingness to talk to us about happiness. Other help was gratefully received from people including Sheila Fraser, Janet Orgill, Margaret-Anne Clark, Frances Kittles, Christiane Riffaud, Laura and Mark Williams, Polly Evans, Laura Marks, Tom and Eleanor Hawkins and Terry Carroll.

Martin Hawkins prevented our skilful creative avoidance techniques by keeping us supplied with food and coffee and, lastly, Herbert the Briard again stuck to us throughout, an example to us all with his ability to enjoy happiness in the moment.

Introduction

Most people aspire to being happier than they already are. They want to experience more enjoyment, more laughter, more pleasure, more success in life, work and relationships. However good it is, it could be better.

This book tells you how you can increase the amount of happiness in your life.

Start by filling in the Happiness Questionnaire either in Chapter 1 of this book or on-line at www.switchtosuccess.co.uk. This will give you an instant snapshot of your current state of happiness and you can use this to help you decide which critical aspects of happiness you need to focus on.

Our research shows us that those people who consider themselves to be most happy believe that happiness is a choice and a habit. We also know that it only takes 21 days to get rid of an unwanted habit and to acquire a new one. Just think of that - 21 days from now your life will be transformed! You will have decided that you control your own destiny and your own level of happiness. Not only that, you will have read the hundreds of Brilliant Ideas that you can adopt to help you get there. You will feel new energy and new enthusiasm for life. You will reappraise the critical elements that make up your life such as your job, your relationships, your health, your money, your lifestyle and where you live. Make your starting point the belief that you could be happier and then this book will work brilliantly for you.

It is impossible to look at happiness without also considering unhappiness. A lot of our potential for happiness is reduced, restricted or even sabotaged by unnecessary unhappiness. You will learn in the course of this book many strategies for reducing unhappiness.

When we talk about happiness we don’t mean euphoria, although that is a part of happiness, nor do we mean pleasure for pleasure’s sake. It is making the most of what we have at each moment in time. This habit stops us from always postponing the moment when we believe we will be happy. Instead of constantly projecting happiness into a future time and place, ‘when I retire’, ‘when I graduate’, ‘when I have paid off my mortgage’, ‘when I meet the person of my dreams’, ‘when I win the lottery’, ‘when I have travelled the world’, ‘when I have a family’, ‘when my children grow up’, happiness will always be now. This skill of learning to live in the happy, present moment will also give you a bank of happy memories. These memories, just like photographs and videos/DVDs will provide happiness in the future and will be a brilliant resource to draw on when you are facing tough times or unhappy situations.

This book has been built on a solid foundation of research. Thousands of people have filled in our Happiness Questionnaire on www.switchtosuccess.co.uk. We have used this data to analyse the true nature of happiness and to use a model that describes how you can build happiness at six different levels.1

We were assisted in our research by the Innovation and Enterprise Unit of Lancaster University. They conducted an analysis of whether different age groups have different beliefs around what constitutes happiness.

Important findings across all age groups were as follows.

• Good health does not give you happiness but poor health makes you unhappy, whether it is yours or someone else’s.

• Comparing ourselves to others affects our happiness. Generally people compare themselves unfavourably with others. They look at who they are and what they have and this comparison leads to feelings of unhappiness and discontent.

• Having more and more possessions does not increase happiness. It simply makes us want more.

• The most powerful source of happiness is human contact, whether it is with friends, family or closer relationships.

One surprising but wonderfully British finding, was that weather impacts more on people than you could ever imagine. The research showed that bad weather was a strong influence on how people felt and could go a long way towards explaining why so many British people own a place in the sun.

A salient difference between the age groups related to attitude to money. Younger people thought that money made them happy whereas older people thought that money was not a significant factor when thinking of happiness.

The research also demonstrated very clearly that youthful optimism is gradually eroded and as people get older, they become less happy. This is caused by people allowing themselves to be affected by things outside their control. We, on the other hand, believe that happiness comes from within and that we have control over it. Whatever age you are you can choose how to look at circumstances and events in such a way as to increase happiness. Rather than allowing yourself to be swept along by events, emotions and experiences, decide now that happiness is inside you and within your control.

All of this goes to show that there is no natural entitlement to happiness. It means different things to different people. Nonetheless the structure of happiness remains the same for all of us. It does not arrive on a plate but needs to be developed, worked at and grown. We believe that by understanding the six steps on the Stairway of Happiness and by using the self knowledge gained from the Happiness Questionnaire you will be able use the Brilliant Ideas in a very practical way. The Book of Happiness will show you how to change any unhelpful attitudes and responses to ones that will transform your life. Make sure you enjoy yourself along the way! 1

1

The Happiness Questionnaire

How happy can you be? Before you can take any steps to increase your happiness, it’s best to check how happy you are right now.

We may or may not be born with a natural flair for happiness, but everyone can make or increase their own happiness in different parts of their life. It is simply a question of knowing how. Fill in the questionnaire below before you read the book and discover how truly happy you think you are.

When filling in this questionnaire, first of all remember that there are no right or wrong answers, with nothing bad or good about any score. Use the results to decide how you are going to read the book. Remember that this will be a reflection of how you are choosing to be at this particular moment in time. You can change if you want to and if you are willing to learn how to change.

You can also do this Happiness Questionnaire on our website www.switchtosuccess.co.uk. If you take the time to do that as well, then you will receive by e-mail an individually tailored Happiness Profile.

Overleaf you will find 36 statements. Read each statement carefully and decide whether you agree with it more than you disagree.

If you mainly agree, tick YES.

If you mainly disagree, tick NO.

Answer every question and remember that although some answers may be harder to find than others, the more honest you are, the more valid the results will be.

Don’t spend too long over any one question. If you are undecided, it’s important to put down the first answer that popped into your mind.

The Stairway of Happiness Scoring Grid

1. Transfer every answer (Yes or No) into the relevant box in the Scoring Grid below

2. Circle every Yes answer you have that appears in a shaded box

3. Circle every No answer you have that appears in a clear box

4. Each circle is worth one point, so add up the number of circles in each row to get your totals

Remember! For a more in-depth and personally tailored Happiness profile why not complete the Happiness questionnaire online? Visit www.switchtosuccess.co.uk

In order to understand your scores, check out the Stairway of Happiness below, then go on to read how to interpret your scores.

The Stairway of Happiness

Interpreting your scores on the Stairway of Happiness

Each row on the Scoring Grid represents one of the Steps on the Stairway of Happiness. The person who is truly happy is someone who sustains a high score at every level.

When you look at the scores you will see that the maximum score on any of the Steps is 6. If you have scored 4 or more, it would indicate that you are reasonably happy at that level. However, a score of 3 or less could mean that you have a certain dissatisfaction in that area of your life.

In order to improve the amount of happiness in your life, begin by reading the full description of each of the Steps on the Stairway of Happiness. First of all focus on all the parts of your life that bring you happiness. It is important to keep these in mind and to appreciate them before focusing on those areas where you have the lowest score. Now you can begin your journey of exploration. Remember that how you feel today about your happiness may differ from what you felt last week or what you may feel next week. Use the techniques and the Brilliant Ideas in each chapter of The Book of Happiness to make that state more permanent.

The Stairway of Happiness

Step 1 - Surroundings

Your Surroundings are everything you see, hear and feel when you look around you. This includes your physical environment at home and at work. It’s the places that you visit regularly, the weather and the climate you live in. It’s the places you don’t visit, the places you don’t go and the things that you don’t have as well as the things you do. It’s what you see when you look out of your window, it’s what you hear, whether it’s a bird song or traffic noise. It’s what you listen to by choice and what you are forced to listen to. It can be the music you hear or television programmes you watch. It’s also about the sort of relationships that surround you and your general health. All these aspects of our environment are the building blocks for our happiness.

Step 2 - Behaviour

What we mean by Behaviour includes what you do, how you do it, who you do it with and how others behave with you. It’s also about what you say and how you say it. It’s about the recognition that what you do and what you say has an impact on how happy you feel. This is not only what you say out loud to others but it’s your internal voice whispering in your ear. Behaviour is about choice. It’s about taking responsibility for your own actions and the way you respond to the situations that you have to deal with every day in life. This includes your attitude and your emotional responses. It’s whether you tap into your good memories or focus on the bad things that have happened in the past.

Step 3 - Skills and Capabilities

Skills and Capabilities cover a very wide range. This is not just about examination success, formal qualifications or certificates, badges or medals that prove your worth. It includes a huge range of skills which you are capable of growing if you put your mind to it or if you have the opportunity. It is how you manage your emotions and your behaviours. Some skills come naturally and others need working at. It encompasses how you manage your physical well-being and health, ensuring you are in the best possible state to make the most of your natural gifts. By growing your gifts, you grow the happiness habit.

Step 4 - Values and Beliefs

Values and Beliefs are the programming, the power and the motivation for what we do in our daily lives. They provide the energy and the drive and the passion behind our actions. Our values are the things that are important to us. This can include things such as harmony, security, health, freedom, honesty, trust, family, generosity, openness, cleanliness, orderliness, organisation, variety, impulsiveness, options - the list is endless and it’s also personal. Beliefs are our truths. They can be our guidelines, our rules or our justification for the things we do. Living life in line with our values is essential for happiness.

Step 5 - Identity

As a happy person you will know yourself inside and out and accept who you are. You will know your strengths and also the areas that let you down.

Being able to be yourself springs from a certainty and an acceptance about the essence of you. Your Identity is not affected by the labels other people might want to attach to you. Part of who you are lies in your roots - your name, your country, your genes, your upbringing, your loyalties, your country of origin, your faith, the colour of your skin. But it’s also about recognising that you are more than that. It’s an acceptance that there are many things about yourself that you can’t change, and an acknowledgement that you do not have to be imprisoned by them. You can make the most of who you are. The key to being comfortable about your Identity is recognising the qualities you have within you that make you different and unique.

Step 6 - Purpose

Purpose is what brings meaning into your life and the recognition that you are part of a larger whole. It answers the big life question ‘Why am I here?’ Some people are born with a conviction about the sort of vocation they would like to follow. They have a calling in life and this gives them a personal life map that provides them with a strong direction. If you have a clear sense of Purpose, you are likely to be happy and to integrate successfully your dreams into your life. Those who lack Purpose can find they are restless, aimless or feel dissatisfied with their lives.

2

The Stairway of Happiness

‘And they all lived happily ever after.’ The end of the fairy tale is the beginning of life and this is where we are picking up the tale. A fairy tale assumes that happiness is an automatic follow on and an automatic right. Undiluted happiness in a cloudless sky with none of the problems of everyday life to cast a shadow - that’s the world of fairy tales.

The fairy-tale version of happiness does not match reality as most of us know it. Happiness comes and goes; sometimes it is more intense than others. Unhappiness can overshadow your life and it can infiltrate all areas. It can prevent you from experiencing pleasure. For example, if you are unhappy you are unlikely to appreciate many of the little things that would normally brighten your day such as the sun shining, or a special meal, the flowers in the window box, music on the radio, the company of a good friend. What is making you unhappy overshadows everything else in your life. It gains a momentum and an importance that is often disproportionate. Sadness is different to unhappiness. Sadness is part of life and we experience it as a result of difficult life events such as bereavement.

If only we had a formula for happiness we could increase our level of happiness and decrease our level of unhappiness.

How would it be if you could have more control over how happy you are day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year?

This book is the best investment of your life but only if you follow our formula for it and commit to the actions we suggest. It takes 21 days to change a habit so think how happy you will be in three weeks time.

Anthony lives in a new second-floor flat. One day he called his friend Howard and asked him if he would help him transport a wardrobe that he was going to buy in IKEA back to his flat and carry it up the stairs, as there was no lift in the building. They went to IKEA together and brought back the wardrobe, which was in typical IKEA flat-pack style.

Howard said he would be glad to do it in exchange for a pint but made it very clear that he was not a natural DIY person and was allergic to flat packs. He said he would help him get the flat pack into the room and then the rest was up to him. Anthony agreed.

A week later Howard called Anthony and asked if his wardrobe was all right. Anthony said, ‘It’s not up yet.’ Howard asked why not and he said, ‘Well it says on the box “self assembly” and nothing has happened so far.’

You will find it is just the same with this book. Happiness does not assemble itself automatically. All the components are here for you to construct your own happiness.

There are six clearly identifiable and separate Steps to happiness, which make up the Stairway of Happiness. Each Step is separate and unique; however, each is linked to all the others like all stairways. The reason for being on a stairway is because you are going somewhere. In this case your ultimate destination is happiness. By understanding what happiness means at each Step and by taking action to address the personal issues you identify, you will be using your own personal power to take control of and build your own happiness. This is not a moving escalator. To reach where you want to go you have to keep moving and that requires energy and effort.

To increase your happiness or decrease your unhappiness, you need to do more than read a good book. Being happy includes getting rid of the attitudes and habits that are getting in your way. The Stairway of Happiness will help you identify those areas that you need to change and will show you how you can go about it.

In addition, by using our Brilliant Ideas and the Workbook included in each chapter you will find hundreds of different ways to appreciate and make the most of all the things that already form part of your overall happiness. An exciting 21 days lie ahead - increased happiness is on the horizon.

The Stairway of Happiness

You don’t have to climb the Stairway from the bottom up. You can start where you want and read the chapters in any order. As you have already done the Happiness Questionnaire in Chapter 1 or the online version on our website www.switchtosuccess. co.uk you will have an idea of where you can make the greatest strides in the shortest time. You will have already have read the full definition of each Step at the end of Chapter 1. Use this to decide your starting point.

People on the Steps

Step 1 - Surroundings

Louise

Your Surroundings are everything you see, hear and feel when you look around you. It’s your environment and the results you’re getting.