The Branded Ones E-Book

Joanna Beresford

• Herausgeber: Next Chapter
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

Beneath a façade of palm trees and sunshine, homelessness and addiction are bubbling to the surface.

It can be hard to shake the brands others place on you; Derek, currently homeless, knows this better than most. How can a person with nowhere to hide be so invisible? A chance meeting along the waterfront with new mum Jess ignites in him a flicker of hope.

Meanwhile, 17-year-old Melissa has a new boyfriend. Her best friend hates his guts but won't say why.

Melissa and Jess soon find themselves drawn into a challenging battle for reconciliation between their friends. With their help, painful truths from the past stand a chance of release, and a family the gift of restoration.

Told through the eyes of three strangers, Joanna Beresford's 'The Branded Ones' is a poignant story of love, family, relationships and redemption.

Leseprobe

The Branded Ones

Joanna Beresford

Contents

1. Melissa

2. Jess

3. Derek

4. Melissa

5. Jess

6. Derek

7. Melissa

8. Jess

9. Melissa

10. Derek

11. Melissa

12. Jess

13. Derek

14. Melissa

15. Jess

16. Derek

17. Jess

18. Melissa

19. Derek

20. Jess

21. Melissa

22. Melissa

23. Melissa

24. Jess

25. Melissa

26. Melissa

27. Derek

28. Melissa

29. Melissa

Acknowledgments

Author Bio

Copyright (C) 2021 Joanna Beresford

Layout design and Copyright (C) 2021 by Next Chapter

Published 2021 by Next Chapter

Edited by Darren Lines

Cover art by CoverMint

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the author’s permission.

For Katelyn, Luke and Cameron

1

Melissa

Melissa Stevens didn’t want to go to the Formal after-party, yet there she was pulling her red Hyundai Getz up outside the old Queenslander. Already after eleven-thirty, she’d been grumbling to her friend Nadia non-stop since they left the hotel venue. The place had managed to squeeze two hundred seventeen-year-olds into its monochrome themed ballroom and she had had enough.

She was dreading the after-party so much her body had started rebelling: stomach a bag of snakes, heart banging on ribs and clammy palms slick on the steering wheel. As much as Melissa tried, it was impossible for her to relax. If not for Nadia threatening to stop hanging out with her for good if she refused, she’d prefer to go home and get into bed with her phone to admire all the photos being posted from afar. Her jitters weren’t healthy, she knew that. It was so easy for beautiful Nadia, though. The boys loved her. Melissa’s awkwardness only seemed to attract the wrong kind of attention.

A group of girls having a smoke by the picket fence out front took a step closer to the vehicle and gawked at them both through the windscreen. Melissa unclipped her seatbelt and glared back.

She stepped awkwardly from the car, ready for them to laugh at her sausage-squeezing dress. She always pretended she didn’t care about wearing labels but the truth was she hated shopping malls and avoided them as much as possible; too many bright lights and annoying fake-smile shop assistants. Her wardrobe basically consisted of bits and pieces her mum gave her and whatever Nadia nicked from her part-time job at Chloe.

Her gorgeous friend emerged from the passenger side with the flare and poise of a Hollywood A-lister. Draped in a sleek silver dress that showed off her amazing figure, Nadia knew exactly how to turn it on. A small tattoo – two stylised hands entwined – on Nadia’s ankle caught Melissa’s attention. When had that happened?

Nadia always said she might as well enjoy the perks of working in retail, even if it was destroying her soul, and constantly tried to get Melissa to try on something new to help release her from her self-imposed fashion chrysalis. It was a losing battle. Both of them were judged whatever they wore. Melissa, because she didn’t give a shit, and Nadia, because outwardly she was as close to perfection as a girl could get.

‘Come on, Lis, don’t worry about those bitches.’ Nadia gave her wrist a flick to set her bangles in place and disrespect the other girls at the same time. ‘Let’s go in.’

The greeting party watched in silence as Nadia sauntered up the path towards the front door. Melissa in her usual role as entourage followed close behind. Nadia was beautiful and she knew it. Everyone yearned either for her or to be like her.

They reached the front door. The sooner they got inside – giving Nadia a chance to have a few drinks and flirt – the sooner Melissa would be able to say how boring it was so she could go home. She didn’t even know whose place it was.

Melissa turned and gave the girls still gawking on the nature strip a final stare. Their phones illuminated their makeup-caked faces as they sent out texts, no doubt sharing that Nadia and her lame wing-girl had arrived. Perhaps she worried too much but she’d been at school long enough with those cows to know that whatever they were saying wasn’t kind.

When Nadia had told her there was going to be a party Melissa knew why. She had her ‘P’ plates and Nadia knew Melissa could never say no to her, so she was a sure bet to get a ride.

Despite their many differences they’d been inseparable since they were five years old. Even though her friend would be pissed off if she knew, Melissa felt compelled to go with Nadia whenever there was a party to stop her doing something stupid. She watched her friend stop beside a front window to dab on some lip-gloss in the reflection.

‘How do I look?’

‘You look great Nards. Please don’t leave me by myself this time.’

‘Only if I get lucky.’ Nadia opened the door and they were hit by a wall of rap music.

Melissa grabbed her arm and held on tight.

‘Come on, you stress too much. Relax and you might have a good time.’ Nadia shrugged her off and entered the fray, shaking out her dark, silky mane.

Melissa shut her eyes for a second. ‘God, help me.’ Curse-filled lyrics thumped from the speakers. She didn’t get rap at all. She was more into raw, acoustic ballads by singer-songwriters like Ed Sheeran. She fought the urge to turn around and head back to the safety of the car.

Two boys huddled under a lone light in the hallway exchanging pills. Melissa rolled her eyes and pushed past. The lights were out in the living room. Heaving, sweaty bodies pressed against her as she fought her way across it. Laughter and squeals competed to be heard above the thumping beat. She finally found some space to breathe by a window, feeling somewhat violated by her close encounter with the gyrating throng. She looked outside at the blue evening sky, aglow with a full moon. The familiar round face was calming, as was the realisation she was basically anonymous in the darkness.

Nadia had vanished, as usual. Resigned to another night alone listening to crap music and watching people getting drunk and dry-humping each other, Melissa picked her way further through the crowd and found an unoccupied chair in a corner. Perfect, she thought, all alone, just like me. She waited in the shadows: eventually Nadia would notice she was missing.

Melissa was thirsty but from where she sat she could see the path into the kitchen was blocked by two footy players she knew from school. It was hard to tell if they were arguing or just trying to get their point across over the noise. Beyond them the benches were piled with packets of chips and drinks.

Nadia reappeared in front of her and impatiently beckoned. ‘Keep up.’

It was just as crowded in the kitchen but this time their arrival, or at least Nadia’s, was greeted with shouts and cheers. It was hugs all round for Nadia. Even Melissa got a couple of high-fives. She knew it was only because she was with Nadia but that didn’t matter; at least the others acknowledged her. This lot were much friendlier than the girls out front. A lot drunker, too.

Nadia grabbed a bottle of vodka off the bench and pulled two plastic cups from a sleeve.

As she filled the glasses Melissa shook her head and glared. ‘I can’t have one. I’m the sober driver, remember?’

‘Chill, one won’t hurt.’ Nadia stuck a brimming glass in Melissa’s hand and raised her own. ‘Cheers!’

Nadia chugged it back while Melissa took a reluctant sip. The vodka burned her throat and she gagged. Everyone stared like she was from another planet. She couldn’t stop herself from letting out a loud, spluttering cough.

‘You’re so soft,’ Nadia said with a grin, and grabbed the cup off her.

Melissa watched her take a gulp from the glass and top it up with lemonade from a bottle beside them.

‘Here, this’ll be better.’ As Nadia handed it back someone caught her eye from across the room. She scrunched her nose in disdain. ‘Oh yuck.’

‘Nadia!’ A tall guy with sandy-coloured hair flopping into his eyes wandered into the kitchen and made a bee line straight for her.

Nadia studied her drink with the intent of a scientist looking through a microscope, trying to pretend she hadn’t heard or noticed him. Amused, he waited patiently for her to look up.

Melissa found herself smiling at Nadia, too, until she received a scowl in return. Nadia finally raised her gaze and locked on the boy’s for a contemptuous moment. As he went to say something she brushed past him abruptly and was swallowed instantly by the seething mass of bodies.

Melissa found herself standing by herself. Except technically she wasn’t because strangely the boy didn’t follow after Nadia. Instead, his expectant gaze was now fixed on her. She had the uncomfortable feeling that she was being sized up like prey.

‘Hi,’ he said.

‘Hi.’

‘Are you having fun?’

‘Dunno. Yeah, I guess it’s alright,’ she shrugged, trying not to look like she cared one way or another. ‘I’m kind of bored, to be honest.’

‘Is that right?’ He smirked. ‘You come here with Nadia?’

Melissa nodded.

‘That girl’s such a fucking pain in the arse.’ He suddenly took a step forward, his body pressing against hers as he reached behind her. Although his insult about her best friend made her bristle, the closeness of his torso and the creamy coconut scent of his hair made her think about sex.

He took a step back, a clean glass in hand. ‘Sorry, I needed this.’

Melissa pursed her lips and tucked in her chin.

He raised an eyebrow. ‘You want one?’

‘One … what?’ She turned around and watched him take a can of rum and coke from the fridge.

‘One of these?’

‘Oh, no, thanks. I’ve got one.’ She held up her glass of diluted vodka. 'And I’m driving.’

He nodded. ‘Probably the right choice then.’

She watched him twist the cap off and pour the drink into a glass on the bench beside them, wondering why he bothered when anyone else would just neck it straight from the bottle. This was her opportunity to escape and she took it.

‘Hey, where are you going?’ He called after her.

As she turned the corner, Nadia grabbed her shoulders and redirected her down the hall into a bathroom reeking of vomit.

Melissa attempted to shake free of Nadia’s vice-like grip. ‘What’s wrong with you? Let go! You’re hurting me.’

‘You know what Jared Collins is like. This is his party, you idiot. We’ve just got to try and stay away from him.’ Nadia dropped her hands to her sides.

Melissa didn’t have a clue what Jared Collins could have done to upset her so much. This boded well for her plan of escape.

‘Swear it.’

‘Okay, fine! I won’t go near him. If it makes you feel better, I told him his party sucked.’

‘Yeah?’ Nadia laughed. ‘Well, you’re right. It does.’

Despite knowing one another for years, Melissa never completely understood how Nadia’s mind worked and she rarely agreed with the choices she made. The tattoo, for example. Everything Nadia did held an air of mysticism. She could walk through a room as though daring anyone to get in her way, simply by acting aloof. Her soulful, brown eyes sometimes seemed sad, hiding a deeper truth behind the impregnable facade, but most of the time they were steeled to conquer whatever obstacle lay in her path. Melissa realised she’d always been a bit envious. Next to Nadia, she felt painfully short and plump as her own mother rudely liked to point out. She also had a shock of crazy, curly brown hair that took forever to grow. Her skin was milky white and burned from any contact with the sun, whereas Nadia’s skin was caramel, turning bronze over summer. This only made Melissa appear all the more pale and anaemic when they were together. Melissa had resorted to fake tan once and turned orange as a result. She wished she had some colour, even a couple of shades darker than snow white would at least mean she didn’t stick out like a beacon when they went to the beach.

Nadia didn’t talk about family much. Melissa knew her father had walked out the front door one afternoon ten years ago and hadn’t been seen since. Her mum, while still present, was bat-shit crazy and everyone knew that.

Melissa headed back to the kitchen and waited at the door. Jared wasn’t there anymore. ‘It’s safe.’

Nadia helped herself to another drink.

Melissa caught a glimpse of Jared through the window. Sitting on the steps, he was flanked on either side by his mates Leon Ross and Trent Pollock – three tall basketballers joking around and cracking up. Leon was expertly flicking popcorn into the air and catching it in his mouth, while Trent dug his elbow into Jared’s side, trying to point out something going on in the garden beyond.

Melissa felt mortified when Jared suddenly twisted his attention away from Trent and stared straight back inside at her, his face creasing with amusement. She just as quickly turned away, only to find Nadia had abandoned her, yet again. Encouraged by the vodka, Melissa turned back and dared to give Jared a little wink. His grin widened and she was grateful the dim lighting hid her blushing cheeks.

Nadia reappeared at her side and thrust a second drink into her hand. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Jesus, you gave me a fright. I’m not doing anything.’

‘Liar!’

Melissa held up the glass and sculled.

She didn’t know how they had happened really, the extra drinks. The room started to spin. Her usually sharp mind blurred. Faces lurched in all around her — laughing, mocking faces. Melissa stared down into the bottom of her cup and thought about the boys she’d seen at the beginning of the night sharing drugs. Had her drink been spiked? Nadia wouldn’t do that to her, surely? The music cut in and out. A girl lurched toward her and blurted, ‘You’ve got beautiful hair’, before running sticky fingers through it. Nadia refilled her drink and told her to enjoy herself.

‘I’m driving –’

Nadia blew on her face. ‘Not anymore!’

Melissa found everything hilarious. She completely lost it when someone tripped and face-planted on the floor.

The boy looked up, his nose bleeding. ‘Shut up, cunt. It’s not funny.’

She raised her hands in surrender and backed away. What had happened to Nadia? Gone. Again. Story of her life. A hot surge of irritation propelled her towards the back door. The night cool air caressed her hot cheeks. She clumsily worked her way down some old wooden steps, one… two… tripped on three and grazed her leg on the gravel. Couldn’t feel a thing. The garden was blissfully quiet and all but empty apart from some girls sitting chatting on the lawn. It was a welcome sanctuary, but the crisp night air failed to clear her mind or give her a better sense of orientation.

Melissa squatted down and dropped her head between her knees. She groaned. ‘Nadia? Where are you? Can you please come and find me? I’m gonna spew up.’

‘Hey, are you OK?’

She lifted her head and tried to focus. ‘Everything needs to stop spinning.’

A hand reached out and took hold of her elbow. She wanted to cry at the kindness.

The voice attached to the helper sounded familiar. Melissa gazed up. ‘It’s you! Oh my god, you are so hot.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry. I wasn’t meant to say that out loud.’ She let out a giggle.

‘What are you doing out here by yourself? Everyone else is out the front.’

‘Why aren’t you, Jared? It’s your party, remember?’

‘Maybe I was looking for you.’

Melissa blinked. ‘Me? Why-?

‘You seem like a good person.’

She swayed as he pulled her to her feet, sliding his arm around her waist to steady her. A lightning bolt zapped her groin.. ‘Thankoo… I mean, thank you. I’ve got to find Nadia.’

Jared flicked his hair out of his eyes. ‘Wouldn’t you rather stay and hang out with me?’

Cute. So, so fucking hot. Melissa shook her head to try and rid herself of the thought. Nadia had made her promise to ignore him. But it was hard to do when his body was pressing up against hers, again. ‘OK, I will then.’ She flung out an arm. ‘Stuff her.’

Could Jared tell how drunk she was? Of course he can, dummy. Only weird, geeky boys ever talked to her at parties, never ones she felt attracted to. That Jared actually wanted to stay and talk to her was nothing short of a miracle.

‘Come with me.’ He shifted his hand to the small of her back and encouraged her to start walking. Once Melissa had found better balance, he guided her further into the garden toward an outdoor sofa beneath the umbrella-like canopy of a jacaranda.

‘I’m not going to bite.’ Jared tugged at the edge of her shirt, indicating she should sit down next to him. He looked up into the branches. ‘Awesome out here, don’t you reckon?’

‘Yep.’ Melissa’s tongue felt thick and cumbersome.

‘How long have you known Nadia?’

Nadia! She sat up and swung around in alarm. ‘Have you seen her? She keeps ditching me.’

Maybe this was a test and Nadia was watching them, silently daring Melissa to break the promise she made to steer clear of this boy. Which, technically speaking, she kind of had.

‘Um, I’m not meant to be talking to you.’

Jared frowned. ‘Says who?’

‘I…’ She hesitated. Melissa couldn’t think of one good reason why on earth she shouldn’t be. He had come to her rescue and was looking after her. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Are you feeling cold?’

‘No, I’m fine.’ She felt mad. Jared seemed like a perfectly nice guy. Nadia was an idiot. ‘But why doesn’t she like you?’

Jared sighed and said nothing for a moment. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Isn’t everything where Nadia’s concerned?’

‘You’re not wrong there. She really said she doesn’t like me?’

Melissa nodded with regret. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

‘Fuck. That’s bullshit. I really don’t know what to do about it.’

He looked sad and Melissa felt sorry for him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders. ‘What happened?’

Jared looked down at her and raised an eyebrow. ‘That’s probably best left between me and her. Look, I don’t want to sound like a dick, but can we change the subject?’ With his thumb he tilted her chin up.

Melissa’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she fought the urge to check it. After a short pause it started buzzing again. ‘I’m sorry.’ It was all she could manage as she fished it out and turned it off without checking the screen.

‘Ah, don’t worry about it.’ His hand still on her face, he brushed his finger over her bottom lip. ‘Why don’t you tell me something about you?’

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know. Like, what you would rather be doing instead of being at this boring party?’

‘I can’t believe I said that.’

‘I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you.’ Jared leaned in and kissed her, softly. He tasted like soft drink. He pulled away for just a moment to properly take her in. ‘I’m not such a bad person, Melissa.’

She wanted more. Nadia was going to kill her.

2

Jess

Jess Garrett had been in a revolting mood all day. It began when she was roused at one am by a car door slamming and two girls hurrying past the house, screaming at one another. The music from the party up the street had thudded for several hours before that. Mercifully Cara had stirred and resettled. Aaron on the other hand was completely oblivious to the racket outside and continued snoring. Once awake, Jess hadn’t been able to switch off again – her mind so attuned to listening out for her baby daughter. When she’d finally succumbed to exhaustion, the night allowed her only another hour’s sleep before dissolving into dawn, along with its squawking birds. Aaron dismissed her sluggishness with a shrug and a ‘you’ll be right’, before heading out for a round of golf at Shorncliffe as he did every weekend.

She surveyed the pile of debris sitting outside the back door and felt a long-awaited positive thought: the kitchen renovations were completely finished! A wave of relief had washed over her as she’d bid farewell to the benchtop installers on Friday afternoon. For the entire week she’d been subjected to the disruption of banging hammers and cordless drilling, shredding her daughter’s routine. Last night’s commotion had been the final straw.

They knew the people who owned the party house. Their names were Samantha and Paul, a friendly couple ten years older than she and Aaron. They had been invited to a barbeque shortly after arriving in Kippering. Nice people, middle class with good jobs. Sam had mentioned two weeks ago in passing about having to fly to Sydney for a wedding. Jess could imagine her neighbour wearing something floaty and sheer to show off her trim, toned figure as she sipped on a flute of bubbles. She wondered whether Aaron would tell on the boy. Their son Jared had just turned seventeen and they considered him responsible enough to stay home alone. Aaron would probably agree. She wondered what Sam would think about her beautiful home being overrun by so many drunk and probably high kids.

Perhaps Jess would tell them about the party herself. She then wondered if her own precious Cara would do something so devious when she got older. It was hard right now to imagine those innocent green eyes trying to hide something from her. Maybe it was better to keep quiet and say nothing. Who was she to judge?

It wasn’t easy living up the road from Kippering Secondary College where her husband taught. They couldn’t even go to the shops or the movies without kids and parents coming up to say hello to him, while ignoring her. A few even knew where they lived and called ‘Hey, Mr Garrett!’ as they walked past the house. Telling might bring repercussions. Her husband stood out with his confident swagger and authoritative voice. He was never one to shy away from a good conversation and share his opinion.

She ran the palm of her hand adoringly over the sleek, pale granite bench-top. Each embedded speck glittered as the afternoon sun shone through the kitchen window. Feeling its smooth surface beneath her skin went some way to alleviating the frustration of not getting enough sleep and putting up with makeshift living arrangements. She laid her face on the cool expanse and delighted in her new domain. Of course, Jess would never admit it to Aaron but she was finally beginning to think these costly renovations might actually all have been worth it.

Her husband had ripped out the old kitchen and dumped the mess in the back yard with a promise to take everything to the rubbish tip that weekend. She admired him more for his intellect than his physique. Sure, Aaron could walk around a golf course, or run up and down the stairs at the beach, but he was happiest sitting around a table eating and spinning a yarn with his friends and colleagues. He had the soft belly of a white collared professional to prove it. It could be worse, Jess thought. At least he wasn’t one of those Lycra-clad cyclists riding in a pack and clogging up the main roads every Sunday en route to drinking lattes at their favourite cafe.

The clean-up that didn’t happen was three weeks ago. Jess had survived in the shell of a room by stacking all the pantry items on the dining table. There were more boxes out in the laundry. She couldn’t leave anything on the ground for Cara to get into, and with the recent rain they’d had the fibro board he’d thrown on top of her sand pit had turned into a soggy mess. Still, she was going to keep her mouth shut and let him remove the junk, even if he did it in his own sweet time. God, she didn’t even want to think about the landscaping. There was still the bathroom and two bedrooms to do before they could start on the outside.

Jess raised her arms and stretched. Her back ached from lugging her eleven-month-old baby around all the time. The one bonus was her arms had toned up nicely as she multi-tasked carrying Cara with cooking and hanging out loads of washing. Was there time for a cuppa before she woke up?

Cara’s erratic grizzling started up as soon as the jug finished boiling.

‘Too late.’ Jess sighed. Her breasts began to ache as the milk let down and soaked the front of her t-shirt.

She’d been determined to breastfeed her daughter for the first six months and then switch to formula, but the baby was still not weaned. She still couldn’t get her head around the sacrifice expected of becoming a parent. The day Aaron drove them home from the hospital a heaviness descended over her like a woollen blanket. It hadn’t lifted. Some days Jess wondered how she found enough strength to get out of bed. Maybe it was normal. She rubbed her temples and contemplated making a quick cup of tea before getting Cara up. The familiar feeling of mother-guilt put a stop to the idea. The baby would work herself into a state.

An anxious prickling spread between Jess’s shoulders. She wandered down the passage and entered the first room she and Aaron had decorated. With its pale yellow walls and white furniture it was filled with everything they thought they might have needed for their baby’s arrival. Fifty-odd soft toys were stuffed on top of the wardrobe and the rocking chair. Last, but certainly not least, the favourite: a soft blue Wiggles doll hanging suicidally between two cot rungs.

‘Come on bubby.’ Jess bent over the bars, plucked Cara from her cot and took her into the living room. The infant latched hungrily onto her mother’s breast as Jess sank gratefully back into the couch.

‘What do you say we take a walk after?’ She gazed down at her daughter’s face, rosy cheeks fat and rhythmically sucking. Stroking Cara’s wispy curls, Jess closed her eyes and surrendered to immobility. She desperately wanted to get on with stripping the old wallpaper in the master bedroom. Now she wouldn’t be able to. In another hour she’d need to start organising dinner. It was better to get out of the house now to try to clear her head.

It was hot inside and out and Jess sweated under Cara’s beanbag weight. At least a breeze swayed in the floaty top of the leopard tree standing sentry by the window. Perhaps the air would be cooler down by the water. She didn’t expect Aaron to get back from golf until after five.

Finally sated, Cara detached and fell back against Jess’s arms in a drunken stupor, her eyes squeezed shut. Milk dribbled down her chin and disappeared into the recesses of her chubby neck rolls. She slowly opened her eyes and smiled with delight before releasing a fart which reverberated in her mother’s lap. In that one precious moment, Jess couldn’t help but immediately forgive the baby for her constant need to be attended.

‘Come on then, you little guts. Let’s get you changed and into the pram.’

As she readied them to leave, Jess glimpsed her reflection in the entryway mirror. She’d carelessly dragged her long brown hair back into a ponytail earlier that morning. Messy strands of it escaped above her ears and at the nape of her neck. She used to think she was attractive enough. Aaron always said so. He always said he loved the way her nose turned up like a ski-jump. Personally, she didn’t like it, or the fact that one of her front teeth was a little crooked. ‘Gives you character,’ Aaron said. Today, with her hazel eyes and dark lines beneath staring back, she didn’t really feel it to be true. Her blue-striped cotton t-shirt was stretched off-centre from Cara’s repeated tugging as she fed, bunching the soft fabric between her tiny fingers. She felt sticky and gross.

Jess pulled the hair tie out and made an effort to sweep the stray hairs back, smoothing them flat with a little saliva. Acceptable enough for being in public. She slipped on a pair of cheap sandals at the front door, picked Cara up and clipped her into the pram parked on the porch.

Down along the esplanade a pleasant breeze had picked up cooling them both down. An overwhelming sense of loneliness struck Jess unexpectedly. She paused, suddenly lightheaded, and leant against the pram handles. Her legs temporarily locked, as though paralysed. She considered turning back but instead took a deep breath and forced herself to keep going.

‘Nothing’s going to happen. Nothing’s going to happen,’ Jess repeated the mantra until her feet stopped wobbling and the pins and needles across her shoulders began to dissipate. Cara gurgled happily and kicked her legs, oblivious to her mother’s distress. Jess was angry at herself. She thought she’d conquered these panic attacks, but since moving to Brisbane seven months ago they had returned with vigour.

She missed going to work but having a baby was her dream and she didn’t see how she could tell Aaron she wasn’t happy. He wasn’t always the best listener, especially in the evenings when he had lessons to plan. It was hard not to resent the energy he poured into his students’ lives. What about focussing some of it towards his family? At the end of the day, all she wanted to do was have a proper adult conversation about anything except cleaning the house and Cara’s diet and bowel habits.

Jess gripped the buggy handles again and marched on. If she could get as far as the shops she would reward herself with a KitKat. She tried not to think of the ring of pudgy flesh around her middle as she did.

Up ahead on the footpath a man ambled towards her. Jess estimated he could be about sixty. He had greying hair that looked wet or oily and was wearing far too many clothes for the time of year. He carried a backpack and an overstuffed plastic bag. The weight of it all made him stoop. The man showed no sign of noticing her. She pushed the buggy to the side of the footpath so he wouldn’t walk right into them. At the same moment, Cara kicked off a shoe. It bounced on the ground and rolled directly in front of the stranger. He stopped and looked at it. Jess paused. Should she pick it up herself, or wait? After a few seconds, the man bent to retrieve it. He turned the tiny shoe over in his palm before glancing at Cara, then Jess.

She smiled nervously and extended her hand. ‘Thank you very much.’

He didn’t reply, gently placing the soft leather shoe in her palm.

Jess kneeled down and secured the shoe back on her daughter’s foot. Cara chortled. Jess looked up and smiled at the man. ‘She does that all the time. We’ve lost a couple haven’t we, Cara?’

‘Shoe!’ The little girl clapped her hands.

‘That’s right. Shoe.’ Jess tried to summon an enthusiastic smile at her but gave up. One-word conversations drained her. Now the man was standing next to her, she judged him to be closer to fifty. His face wasn’t heavily lined and there was still plenty of colour in his beard. The dishevelled appearance had been misleading. He shuffled from one foot to the other. ‘Well, thanks again.’ Jess gave a polite nod and stood up before pushing on. She turned back to watch him moving off in the other direction and felt a familiar ache descend. His eyes had seemed sad. They mirrored her own.

‘Where were you? Why didn’t you answer your phone?’ Aaron stood on the steps and stared accusingly as Jess swung the buggy back into the driveway.

‘I forgot to take it. We’ve just been out for a walk. Why didn’t you let yourself in?’ Jess frowned. She’d obviously irritated him, again.

‘Because I left my house key on the bedside table this morning, that’s why. When I got home the house was all locked up.’

‘I guess that makes us both forgetful then.’

Aaron looked ridiculous standing there, knitting his brows and crossing his arms. He was the manifestation of his daughter when she was about to throw a tantrum. Jess wished he wouldn’t speak to her as if she was one of his students. It wasn’t her fault.

‘You know what time I’d get home.’

‘Really, Aaron? I’m not a bloody mind reader, you know.’

She threw her own set of keys at him and crouched to unclip Cara from her seat. She tried to ignore her building rage as he unlocked the front door and trudged inside, leaving her to lug the buggy and baby up the steps on her own. She watched him come to a halt as he reached the kitchen.

‘It really does look fantastic. Fair bit of dust hanging about though.’ Aaron turned and grimaced. ‘Needs a good wipe don’t you think?’

Aaron took Cara from Jess, lifted her up and blew air onto her stomach. Their baby screamed with delight.

He reached over and bestowed a kiss on Jess’s cheek, not noticing her slumped shoulders as he returned to feast his gaze on the display of white cupboards, stainless steel appliances and down-lights.

‘I’ve got a lot of work to do tonight. One of my Year 10s is going to be excluded if he doesn’t stop on his current path towards self-destruction. It would be a bloody waste too; he’s such a bright kid. I’m working with him to help him pass his assessment. Can’t get him to stop doing the rest of his dumb shit, though.’

‘Aaron. Don’t swear in front of Cara. Do you want her first word to be a rude one?’

‘What? No, sorry. Anyway, damn it, what was I saying?’

‘Your Year 10?’

‘That’s right, yeah, him. Then my top Year 12 English student has suddenly stopped answering any questions in class. She’s got some bad stuff going on at home. We’re about to start the next unit and I don’t have any assessment handed in from her yet either. I’ve also just picked up a Year Seven maths class for next week while Sam Ling is away on his honeymoon. They’re bloody hard work, they don’t listen. It’s non-stop at the moment. I still feel really tired after last week. Thought the golf might brush off the cobwebs but it hasn’t, unfortunately. Hey, could you make me a cuppa?’ Aaron put Cara down on the floor. ‘I’d better get started.’

Jess grabbed the dishcloth and half-heartedly wiped down the bench. She was amazed that within five short minutes Aaron had managed to make their struggles all about him.

Aaron headed towards their bedroom before pausing and doubling back. ‘I don’t suppose you’ve had a chance to get anything organised for dinner yet?’

Jess rubbed a hand across the back of her neck. ‘No, I was going to start when I got back.’

‘Why don’t we get takeaway tonight? Fancy some Thai?’

‘Can we afford it?’

‘We’ll add it to the mortgage and pay it off in twenty years.’

Jess switched on the jug and released a sigh of relief. ‘Thai would be great, thanks.’

She was glad to not have to cook, even if she did have a brand new kitchen,

‘I forgot to ask,’ Aaron said. ‘How was your day? Did you do anything interesting apart from the walk?’

‘Not really.’ Jess wanted to say it was boring but her husband’s mood had lifted. She didn’t want to have him launch into one of his lectures on gratitude and mindfulness.

She had already decided at some stage in the not-too-distant future she was going to leave him. When had he become such a self-absorbed arsehole? Was a new kitchen enough to put her plans on hold? Sharing a baby made the logistics so much more difficult, too.

Jess missed her hairdressing job back in Hervey Bay. She’d grown up in the area and knew everyone. She’d loved gossiping with her clients and watching them leave the salon looking amazing. She’d felt satisfied. Her parents only lived fifteen minutes out of town, on the farm where Jess had been born and raised. She and Aaron were married on the front lawn. All the aunties, uncles and cousins attended. Her mum and dad had been absolutely thrilled when she and Aaron had announced she was pregnant. Thankfully, she’d only had to put up with morning sickness for a few of those early weeks, although the hours of constantly standing at work the last month were exhausting. Jess had mistakenly assumed while out on the town with her girlfriends and spying the cute stranger two years earlier that he would want to stick around for good.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t. Aaron had grown up in Brisbane but applied for his teaching position in Hervey Bay straight out of university. Without telling Jess he’d applied for and been granted a transfer back home. Aaron was determined their move south would fast track him to becoming a head of department. The school had recently been struggling. It had a tough reputation and had trouble getting teachers to stay long term. He was biding his time. Jess had been totally distressed when he told her about the job. She begged him apply for a position at a private school in their local area so they could stay in Hervey Bay. He’d snapped at her, ‘Can’t it be my turn for a change, Jess?’

He’d reasoned, and she’d reluctantly agreed, that since she was going to be at home with a baby and not working, it didn’t make any difference where they lived. She wanted to be a stay-at-home mum, didn’t she? No day care for their baby!

But what about her family and all her friends? Who was going to keep her company? No one had warned her marriage would be so full of compromises. Was that how Aaron had felt, surrounded by her people all the time? They’d welcomed him as one of their own. His own mum and dad were divorced. He was always complaining about having to deal with the logistics of a broken family.

She’d made a commitment to this man for better or worse. Who knew the ‘worse’ would arrive so soon? She didn’t know motherhood was going to be so life changing. Her mother had gently tried to warn her but she’d refused to listen to the suggestion her fantasy might not match the reality. She’d kept her fears to herself, afraid Aaron would brand her as melodramatic.

‘When’s that cup of tea going to be ready?’ Aaron called out from behind the bedroom door.

She wanted to scream at him. It was a surprise to find herself answering in a normal tone. ‘Coming now. You want a biscuit?’

‘What time are we going to have tea?’

‘I thought you were ordering it?’

‘What? Oh, yeah. Um, can you make the call please? Saves me losing my train of thought. Make it for six o’clock. I will have a biscuit. Make it two.’

Jess picked Cara up off the floor.

‘Your daddy’s going to be a lonely old bastard,’ she whispered into her daughter’s ear.

Cara gurgled happily.

3

Derek

Derek Needham heaved himself up off the bench, grabbed his backpack in one hand and the shabby, overstuffed plastic bag in the other. The backpack had seen better days: a lifeless faded blue, scuffed all over and a large tear at the top. Nevertheless, it still held together as though his life depended on it. Which, indeed, it did. These two bags contained everything he owned and he carried them everywhere he went. Slinging the pack over his shoulder, he trudged along the boardwalk stopping every now and then to glance out at the choppy water in Moreton Bay. He marvelled at the speed and skill of the kite surfers as they tore up the water towed behind their brightly coloured sails. Occasionally, one caught the wind and launched the rider several metres into the air, hanging on tightly and pulling as hard as possible to wrench the vessel back under control. Such freedom, he thought.