The EQ Edge E-Book

Steven J. Stein

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

REVISED AND UPDAT ED WITH NEW RESEARCH INTO EQ AND PERSONAL AND CAREER SUCCESS

What is the formula for success at your job? As a spouse? A parent? A Little League baseball coach or behind the bench of a minor hockey team?

What does it take to get ahead? To separate yourself from the competition? To lead a less stressful and happier existence? To be fulfilled in personal and professional pursuits?

What is the most important dynamic of your makeup? Is it your A) intelligence quotient? or B) emotional quotient?

If you picked "A", you are partly correct. Your intelligence quotient can be a predictor of things such as academic achievement. But your IQ is fixed and unchangeable. The real key to personal and professional growth is your emotional intelligence quotient, which you can nurture and develop by learning more about EQ from the international bestseller The EQ Edge.

Authors Steven J. Stein and Howard E. Book show you how the dynamic of emotional intelligence works. By understanding EQ, you can build more meaningful relationships, boost your confidence and optimism, and respond to challenges with enthusiasm-all of which are essential ingredients of success.

The EQ Edge offers fascinating-and sometimes surprising-insights into what it takes to be a top law-enforcement officer, lawyer, school principal, student, doctor, dentist or CEO. You will learn what the top EQ factors are across many different kinds of jobs, from business managers and customer service representatives to HR professionals and public servants.

The EQ Edge will help you determine which personnel are the right fit for job opportunities and who among your staff are the most promising leaders and drivers of your business. And because all of us have other roles-parent, spouse, caregiver to aging parents, neighbor, friend-The EQ Edge also describes how everyone can be more successful in these relationships.

"Finally, a practical and usable guide to what emotional intelligence is all about. This book peels the onion on what EQ really is and teaches the reader to assess their own EQ and how to increase it. This is the holy grail for career success."—Michael Feiner, Professor, Columbia Graduate School of Business and author of The Feiner Points of Leadership

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Praise

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

About EQ-i 2.0

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part I: The EQ Explosion

Chapter 1: Exploring Emotional Intelligence

Redefining Intelligence and Achievement

What Are the Differences between IQ and EQ?

A Brief History of Emotional Intelligence

What About Cognitive Intelligence?

Comparing IQ and EQ

What Are the Building Blocks of EQ?

This Book and the EQ-i 2.0

Can I Really Enhance My EQ?

Does It Matter Whether You're Emotionally Smart or Dumb?

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in the Business World

Chapter 2: The Airport and the ABCDEs

Flight Canceled

The ABCDEs

Changing Hot Feelings to Cool Feelings

The Major Musts and the Absolute Shoulds

Tune in to What Your Body Is Telling You

A Happy Ending

Part II: The Self-Perception Realm

Chapter 3: Emotional Self-Awareness

Know Thyself

The Boss as Despot

Addressing the “Boss as Despot”

Self-Awareness Gone Missing in Action

Become Aware of Others' Reactions to Your Behavior

Know Your “Ouch Points”

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 4: Self-Regard

Self-Regard Is Not Self-Esteem

Like Yourself, Warts and All

Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 5: Self-Actualization

Set Action-Oriented Goals

Do What You Love

Let Your Internal Light Shine

Live Life to the Fullest

Strike a Balance

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Part III: The Self-Expression Realm

Chapter 6: Emotional Expression

How Self-Awareness Plays Out in the Public Eye

Expression of Authentic and Congruent Emotions

Expression of Non-Congruent Emotions

Exercises

Chapter 7: Independence

The Buck Stops with You

Be Decisive

Pursue New Interests

Making Your Work Decisions Work

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 8: Assertiveness

What Is Meant by Assertiveness?

Assertiveness Is Not Aggression

Using Assertiveness at Work

Overcoming Passiveness and Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Indirect Assertiveness

The Benefits of Assertiveness

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Part IV: The Interpersonal Realm

Chapter 9: Interpersonal Relationships

Key Skills for Better Relationships

Making and Keeping Friends

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 10: Empathy

What Empathy Is Not

Put Emotions on Hold

Ask Excavating Questions

Focus on the Other's Subjective Perspective

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 11: Social Responsibility

The Queen of Hearts

Corporate Social Responsibility

Helping Others Helps Yourself

Seinfeld and the Good Samaritan

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Part V: The Decision-Making Realm

Chapter 12: Reality Testing

Be Objective

Don't Fear the Worst…

…But Take off Those Rose-Colored Glasses

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 13: Problem Solving

Six Steps for Solving Problems

Externalize, Visualize, and Simplify

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 14: Impulse Control

Look Before You Leap

The Impulse Gate

The Marshmallow Test

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Part VI: The Stress-Management Realm

Chapter 15: Flexibility

Good Leaders Don't Go Down with the Ship Anymore

Today's Leaders

Flexibility Can Be Learned

Be Open to Change

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 16: Stress Tolerance

The Evolution of Stress

The Indicators of Stress

Keep Your Perspective

Don't Be Your Own Worst Enemy

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Chapter 17: Optimism

Turn the Three Ps Around

Flexible Optimism versus Blind Optimism

Give Yourself a Break

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Part VII: General Well-Being

Chapter 18: Happiness

Nature or Nurture?

Wealth Does Not (Necessarily) Equal Happiness

Happiness Comes from the Inside Out

Happiness Is Attainable Goals

The Wonders of Flow

Exercises

Self-Assessment

Self-Assignments

Part VIII: Putting It All Together

Chapter 19: The Star Performers

EQ and Top Guns

EQ and the Oval Office

EQ in the Political Realm

“He Shoots, He Scores!”

EQ and the Skier

EQ in the Financial Sector

EQ in Sales

EQ and the Collection Agency

The Role of EQ in Leadership

EQ and Journalists

EQ Goes To Court

EQ in the Classroom

EQ and The Power To Heal

EQ and the Job-Challenged

EQ and Marital Bliss

Chapter 20: More Star Performers

EQ and Law Enforcement

EQ in the Legal Community

EQ and Your Dentist and Doctor

EQ and the Principal's Office

EQ and Sales Talent

EQ and Leadership

EQ and the CEO

EQ and Lessons from Reality TV

EQ and the Graduate

EQ in the Movies

EQ and Aboriginal Culture

Chapter 21: The EQ Research Continues

EI Studies in Business

EI and a Midlife Career Crisis

EI and Business Advice

EI and Early Intervention

EI and Education

EI and Lifelong Learning

EI and Athleticism

EI and Your Health

Chapter 22: Emotional Intelligence as Ability

The Case of Sabrina and Workplace Inclusion

The Case of Harry and Emotional Management

Appendix A: The EQ-i 2.0

Appendix B: EQ and Work Success

Appendix C: The Emotional Intelligence Skills Assessment (EISA)

Why was the EISA developed?

What is the EISA designed to measure?

Endnotes

Introduction

Chapter 1: Exploring Emotional Intelligence

Part II: The Self-Perception Realm

Chapter 3: Emotional Self-Awareness

Chapter 4: Self-Regard

Chapter 5: Self-Actualization

Chapter 6: Emotional Expression

Chapter 7: Independence

Chapter 8: Assertiveness

Part IV: The Interpersonal Realm

Chapter 9: Interpersonal Relationships

Chapter 10: Empathy

Chapter 11: Social Responsibility

Part V: The Decision-Making Realm

Chapter 12: Reality Testing

Chapter 13: Problem Solving

Chapter 14: Impulse Control

Part VI: The Stress-Management Realm

Chapter 15: Flexibility

Chapter 16: Stress Tolerance

Chapter 17: Optimism

Part VII: General Well-Being

Chapter 18: Happiness

Chapter 19: The Star Performers

Chapter 20: More Star Performers

Chapter 21: The EQ Research Continues

Chapter 22: Emotional Intelligence as Ability

Appendix A: The EQ-i 2.0

Index

Praise

“At last! A breakthrough book that proves emotional intelligence drives success in the business-world and in family life. The EQ Edge delivers a practical, research based, real-world roadmap on how you can bolster the odds on achieving success at work, at play, and in your personal relationships.”

—Jack Canfield, co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul® series and co-co-author of The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

“Most professionals agree on the critical importance of EI, but often resolve into abstract discussions and debate as to what it is, how it is best measured, etc. The EQ Edge cuts through the abstractions, not only clarifying emotional intelligence, but it goes much further in providing the reader with a practical user's guide. After reading this book, not only will you be more EI knowledgeable, but you will know how to manage your emotional intelligence for the better, in work and virtually every other aspect of life.”

—Dr. Dan Baker, Clinical Psychologist, Canyon Ranch, and author of What Happy People Know

“The EQ Edge provides great insight into the theoretical and economic value of emotional intelligence, as well as the importance it plays in effective leadership. The book demonstrates the importance of performance predictors in succession planning by providing practical examples and comprehensive data. It is relevant and useful for current and future law-enforcement leaders who want to build trust by sharing their vision and expressing their passion.

The EQ Edge has been instrumental in my understanding of emotional intelligence and has had a great impact in the United States and international law-enforcement communities.”

—Special Agent Tim Turner, FBI Academy

“The EQ Edge dives thoroughly into the concepts of Emotional Intelligence while providing a number of practical and useful strategies that can be incorporated into your daily experiences to improve and enhance your performance, as well as others around you.”

—Gena DeChant, M.A. (I/O Psychology), SPHR, Vice President and Human Resource Professional, Wachovia Corporation

“The EQ Edge is one of the few books that not only clearly defines what emotional intelligence is and how it differs from IQ, but also tells readers what practical steps they can take to enhance their emotional intelligence quotient. It applies the principles and practices of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy and includes many useful techniques that can help readers lead happier and more effective lives.”

—Dr. Albert Ellis, President of the Albert Ellis Institute for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

“The EQ Edge … explains and explores emotional intelligence, taking readers through 15 crucial elements—among them self-regard, flexibility, empathy, and impulse control—with suggestions of how to improve.”

—The Globe and Mail

“This book takes readers through a systematic journey of the 15 dimensions of the Bar-On EQ model. The book provokes self-reflection and yet is easy and fun to read because of the many anecdotes used to bring the different facets of EQ to life.”

—Chua Ping Tzeun, Psychologist, Singapore Armed Forces

“It's reassuring to hear that street smarts may take you further than school smarts and that, unlike the dreaded IQ, they can be altered.”

—The Toronto Star

“Although a pilot's technical skills, education, training and experience are all-important in meeting the challenges of a complex and demanding environment, it is the individual's emotional intelligence that ultimately determines success or failure in this rapidly changing industry. Incorporating the EQ-i into Air Canada's pilot selection process has enabled our company to identify candidates who not only possess advanced technical skills, but also the necessary emotional and social competencies predictive of long-term success as an Air Canada pilot.”

—Captain David Legge, Vice President, Flight Operations, Air Canada

“I have found the book The EQ Edge to be an invaluable aid to more than 150 clients who have used EQ-i as a leadership development tool. These clients have been in Eversheds, The Office of the Deputy Prime Minister, E&Y, DWP, The Pension Service, Scottish Power, ICI, Hewlett Packard, BP, The Department of Health, Centrica, Astra Zeneca, Northern Foods, McDonald's, Pearl, PwC, and IBM.”

—Jonathan Perks, MBE, MD Leadership Services, Penna plc

“The EQ Edge is a must-read for anyone constructing an intervention or training program to enhance personal understanding and skills associated with emotional intelligence. Each chapter tunnels its way into the most critical aspects of what emotional intelligence actually means, and the book adroitly synthesizes the research and the theory in such a way as to make the application of emotional intelligence available to clinicians and trainers alike. Developing an applied base program in emotional intelligence without utilizing this book is comparable to baking the cake and leaving off the icing.”

—Patrick Kilcarr, Ph.D., Director, Center for Personal Development, School of Nursing and Health Studies, Georgetown University, Washington DC

“I have found The EQ Edge to be very helpful in providing feedback to students who take EQ-i assessment here at the University of Kansas Public Management Center. Having the book organized around the 15 EQ-i subscales allows busy students to focus on areas of improvement.”

—Marvin Stottlemire, Ph.D., JD, Assistant Director, University of Kansas Management Center

Copyright © 2011, 2006, 2000, Multi-Health Systems Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyright herein may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic or mechanical without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any request for photocopying, recording, taping or information storage and retrieval systems of any part of this book shall be directed in writing to The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For an Access Copyright license, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free 1-800-893-5777.

Care has been taken to trace ownership of copyright material contained in this book. The publisher will gladly receive any information that will enable them to rectify any reference or credit line in subsequent editions.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold on the understanding that the Publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services. If professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication Data

Stein, Steven J., 1950–

The EQ edge : emotional intelligence and your success / Steven J. Stein, Howard E. Book.—3rd ed.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

1. Emotional intelligence. 2. Success—Psychological aspects.

I. Book, Howard E. II. Title.

BF576.S733 2011 152.4 C2011-901439-4

978-0-470-68161-9 (print), 978-0-470-95266-5 (ePDF), 978-0-470-95287-0 (eMobi), 978-0-470-95264-1 (ePub)

To our families for their support during the long gestation of this book: Rodeen, Alana, and Lauren Linda, Josh, and Adam

About EQ-i 2.0

As our knowledge of emotional intelligence continues to evolve, so does this book on emotional and social intelligence. Just over ten years have passed since we wrote the original EQ Edge. The previous revised editions were driven by the huge increase in knowledge, both scientific and experiential, that arose on this new topic. The present revision, while also influenced by new data, is primarily driven by the first major revision of the most widely used test of emotional intelligence in the world, the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-iTM), now referred to as the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0 or EQ-i 2.0TM.

Most of the scientific knowledge about emotional and social intelligence that exists today is a result of research studies that rely on tests or measurement. If it were not for tests that measure these attributes, we would only have conjecture and hypotheses about what emotional intelligence is, its significance in our world, and how it can be improved.

Most of the research in the field has been based on either the EQ-i, a self-report measure, or the MSCEIT (Mayer, Salovey, and Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test), an abilities-based measure. These measures are developed through widely accepted standards in psychology that include theory development; refinement of constructs; development of items to measure those constructs; testing out those items with samples of people; refinement of items, then testing thousands of people representative of the population at large; normalization of the data; and continued research on its reliability and validity.

The current revision of the EQ-i 2.0 is a process that took several years to complete and was entirely carried out by the talented staff at MHS (Multi-Health Systems), one of the world's leading assessment companies. Hundreds of thousands of hours were invested in this process by the highly skilled professionals. Why was this necessary? Tests can become dated over time. People change as cultures are changed. Things we reacted to one way many years ago may no longer get the same reaction today. Thus, of necessity, items had to be changed and norms adjusted to respectively determine and verify people's reactions in the contemporary world.

Among this team at MHS we'd like to thank Dr. Derek Mann, Katie Ziemer, Wendy Gordon, Scott Millar, Rick Walrond, Sara Rzepa, Dr. Gill Sitarenios, Deena Logan, Dr. Kevin Williams, Dr. Craig Nathanson, Diana Durek, Daniela Kwiatkowksi, Charlene Colella, Jaroslaw Kunicyn, Heather Coe, Ronald Tumbas, Kelley Marko, Dr. Dana Ackley, Marcia Hughes, Brett Richards, Hile Rutledge, John Elliot, Hazel Wheldon, Thomas Gale, and James Buchanan.

The EQ Edge has been read and put into practice by hundreds of thousands of people in all walks of life. It has also become an integral part of the training of professionals in how to use the EQ-i. In this edition of The EQ Edge, our goal is to provide you with helpful information on emotional and social intelligence based on the most up-to-date developments in the field. This edition has been reorganized to fit the new format of the EQ-i 2.0. Based on the input of hundreds of professionals experienced with the original EQ-i, along with our accumulated knowledge of the published research in the field, and unpublished studies that we have been privy to, we will provide you with the most useful information that you can implement in your work, at home, and in your social relations.

Preface

It's hard to believe that 10 years have passed since we first released The EQ Edge. The world has changed in dramatic ways since then. We've experienced 9/11, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the 2004 tsunami, earthquakes, 7/7, severe hurricanes in Louisiana and Florida, massacres in Sudan, and a number of other crises.

We were very excited when asked to update our book by the people at Wiley. The EQ Edge has continued to sell very well over the years and we receive comments from readers all over the world. We are very pleased that so many people have contacted us with stories of how parts of our book have touched their lives. In some cases people have made dramatic life changes for the better as a result of the examples and exercises provided.

In this update, our goal was to make a few changes based on some comments we've received about what people really liked best about the book. We also wanted to update you on some of the new developments in emotional intelligence since the book was originally written. We've added information on how emotional intelligence has helped play a role in the lives of families of survivors of the 9/11 tragedy; its use in training top police officers from around the world at the FBI Academy; how emotional intelligence played a small part in the reality TV shows Survivor, The Apprentice, The Amazing Race, Big Brother, and From the Ground Up; and how the top-rated lawyers in Canada measure up, among other stories.

We want to thank Don Loney for his excitement about The EQ Edge and for championing the book at Wiley.

Acknowledgments

We wish to thank the hundreds of thousands of people who have taken the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i and EQ-i 2.0) to date. In the process of validating and conducting research with this instrument we have learned a great deal about emotional intelligence and the role it plays in the lives of so many people, including those who are fulfilled, rich (in life and/or material wealth), famous, successful, less fortunate, unfulfilled, and downtrodden. We hope that you have learned more about yourselves and the areas on which you can focus to greatly enhance your lives.

Many people played key roles in allowing us access to data that would ordinarily have been very difficult to obtain. We want to thank Cmdr. Dean Bailey, former SMO (Senior Medical Officer) of one of the world's most technologically sophisticated aircraft carriers, the USS George Washington, for all his assistance in our testing of navy personnel while the ship was on duty in the and EQ-i 2.0 Mediterranean Sea and the Atlantic Ocean. We also thank (former) Lt.-Cmdr. Bill Glasser and (former) Maj. Charley Magruder for making these trips possible. Both provided great camaraderie, along with a good deal of education about the U.S. military.

Many thanks to Larry Tanenbaum, co-owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team, as well as to (former) Maple Leafs president Ken Dryden, (former) assistant general manager Anders Hedberg, and (former) associate general manager Mike Smith. We have learned a great deal about professional sports, and hockey in particular, through our testing. We were pleasantly surprised at how open these hockey professionals were to the importance of emotional intelligence in the development of their young hockey players.

We also want to thank the “star performers” who gave us permission to use their test scores and their stories. They have added an important dimension to the understanding of emotional intelligence by showing how well-developed emotional skills can lead to success in real life. Only those people whose first and last names are both given in the text are real. Other examples are composites drawn from our experience with clients, relatives, friends, acquaintances, and public figures.

Others we would like to thank include Dr. Gill Sitarenios (director of research, MHS); Jennifer Schipper (Environics) for her lessons on public relations; Lt.-Col. Rich Handley (formerly of the U.S. Air Force); Irene Taylor (Irene Taylor and Associates); the late Dr. Ruth Borchiver (Jewish Vocational Services of Greater Toronto); Hy M. Eiley; Allan Gould; Nomi Morris; Brian Twohey (formerly at Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce, Global Private Banking and Trust); Shawna Sheldon (former senior editor at MHS); Jennifer Braunton (former graphic designer at MHS); and all the people at MHS who helped out with the research.

Special thanks to our exceptional assistants, Lynn Walker, Francesca Dipasquale, and Donna Penticost, for service above and beyond the call of duty, and to our first editors at Stoddart Publishing, Donald Bastian and Sue Sumeraj.

We also thank Multi-Health Systems for permission to use the material from the EQ-i Technical Manual, the EQ-i 2.0 Technical Manual, and the MSCEIT Technical Manual, and other graphs and research findings. Additionally we thank Dr. Reuven Bar-On for creating the EQ-i, and Drs. Peter Salovey, Jack Mayer, and David Caruso for creating the MSCEIT.

We are pleased to be donating a portion of the income earned on this book to Doctors Without Borders.

Introduction

The appearance in 1995 of Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ1 generated a flood of interest in the role that emotional intelligence plays in our lives. Goleman elegantly surveyed years of research into psychological functioning and interpersonal skills, presenting his case to general readers in a coherent and accessible way. The response was seismic. At long last, the so-called soft skills which do so much to determine our success were rescued from the fringe and seriously considered by mainstream educators, business people, and the media.

Meanwhile, to satisfy this burgeoning demand, numerous other books have entered the marketplace. Many, however, lack solid research to substantiate their claims or methods and are dedicated primarily to putting forward their authors' self-serving points of view. These books have threatened to erode confidence in the core concept of emotional intelligence with their expansive promises and one-sided arguments.

But emotional intelligence is not a fad or a trend. Nor is it quite as new as many people believe. It seems novel only because it was shuffled aside, sent into hibernation by the 20th century's fixation on scientific data and rationalism at any cost. Only now are the social sciences catching up and coming to grips with those aspects of personality, emotion, cognition, and behavior which were previously judged incapable of being identified, measured, and fully understood. Now, they're increasingly recognized as crucial to effective functioning, both in the workplace and in our personal lives. Good relationships and coping strategies are key to our success in every area of human activity, from the initial bonding between parent and child to the ability of a manager to bring out the best in his or her employees.