The Perfectionist's Handbook E-Book

Jeff Szymanski

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 260

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

A guide for getting your perfectionism to work for you Is perfectionism a good thing or does it get in our way? In The Perfectionist's Handbook, clinical psychologist Jeff Szymanski helps readers navigate their way out of the "perfectionism paradox": if your intentions are good (wanting to excel) and the outcomes you want are reasonable (to feel competent and satisfied), why would perfectionism backfire and result in unhappiness and stress? Learn when perfectionism will pay off, and when and why it sabotages you. Specific strategies are outlined throughout the book to help readers transform their perfectionism from a liability to an asset. There is no reason to eliminate perfectionism altogether--instead, build on what's working and change what's not. The Perfectionist's Handbook helps readers to: * Distinguish between intention and strategy as a way of improving outcomes * Identify diminishing returns and how to redistribute time and resources * Make the most of mistakes rather than being preoccupied with trying to avoid them * Learn to focus on your "Top 10" list as a way of getting the most out of your life * Access others more effectively as a way of improving performance * Obtain more balance in their lives

Leseprobe

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part I: Understanding Your Perfectionism

Chapter 1: Definitions and Types of Perfectionism

Absence of Mistakes or Flaws

Personal Standards

Meeting an Expectation

Order and Organization

Ideals and “Just Right” Experiences

Absolutes: Knowledge, Certainty, and Safety

Being the Best and the “Best of the Best”

Chapter 2: Building Your Perfectionism Profile

Behavior: Personal Standards

Behavior: Decision Making and Prioritizing

Behavior: Meeting Deadlines

Behavior: Order and Organization

Behavior: Response to Making Mistakes

Emotions

Attention and Evaluation

Interpersonal Relationships

Chapter 3: Insight Doesn't Always Lead to Change

Pros and Cons: An Overview

Pros and Cons: Getting Specific

A Risk-Benefit Analysis

“Okay—I'm Ready to Change Some Things, But …”

Stages of Change

Processes of Change: Strategies to Help You Move Through the Stages of Change

One More Thing to Consider: Think of Anxiety as Information

Part II: Maximizing Healthy Perfectionism

Chapter 4: Wanting Things to Be Perfect May Not Be the Problem

Healthy Perfectionism, Unhealthy Perfectionism, and Nonperfectionism

Perfectionistic Strategies That Typically Do Not Work

Chapter 5: The Lesson of Diminishing Returns

The Seduction: “More Is Better”

When and Why the “More Is Better” Approach Doesn't Always Work

Alternatives to “More Is Better”

Chapter 6: Translating Mistakes into Strategic Experimentation

The Seduction: Mistakes Are Avoidable

When and Why Trying to Avoid Mistakes Doesn't Work

Alternatives to Preoccupation with Mistake Making

Chapter 7: An Unexamined Life

The Seduction: Everything Is Equally Important

When and Why “Everything Has to Be Equal” Doesn't Work

The Alternative to “Everything Is Equal”

Chapter 8: Even Jesus Needed Disciples

The Seduction: Always be Seen Achieving Your Potential

When and Why “Going It Alone” and “Never Let Them See You Sweat” Doesn't Work

Alternatives to Going It Alone

Chapter 9: All Work and No Play

The Seduction: “Just One More Minute …”

When and Why “All Work and No Play” Doesn't Work

The Alternative to “Just One More Minute …”

Chapter 10: Putting It All Together

What to Keep in Mind to Shift away from Unhealthy Perfectionism

Different Domains Affected by Perfectionism

Stages of Change

Final Step: Identifying the Strategies You Are Planning to Use

Bibliography

Index

Copyright © 2011 by Harvard Health Publications. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey. Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Szymanski, Jeff. The perfectionist’s handbook : take risks, invite criticism, and make the most of your mistakes / Jeff Szymanski. p. cm. ISBN 978-0-470-92336-8 (cloth); ISBN 978-1-118-11866-5 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-11867-2 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-11868-9 (ebk). 1. Perfectionism (Personality trait) I. Title. BF698.35.P47S99 2011 155.2’32—dc22 2011014258

To Mom, Richard, Becky, and Corey

Acknowledgments

Much of the content for this book stems from inspiration that I had when I was leading a perfectionism group at McLean Hospital's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Institute (OCDI). As such, I would like to begin by thanking the patients who participated in this group for their thoughts and insights and really pushing me to think clearly about this topic.

Next, I wanted to thank Julie Silver, at Harvard Health Publications, who originally approached me about writing this book. I had been asked for many years to put these ideas and thoughts down in a book, but it wasn't until I spoke with Julie that this became a reality. Florence Isaacs, writer, and Linda Konner, my literary agent, were also pivotal collaborators in the early stages of this book: Florence, in helping me with the original outline and proposal, and Linda, in helping to connect me with Dan Ambrosio at John Wiley & Sons, Inc., the editor for this book. Dan and his team, Christine Moore, Ashley Allison, Lauren Freestone, and Peter Knox, have been extremely helpful throughout the latter part of the process—Christine, in particular, who had to endure my less-than-perfect sentence structure and grammar.

My publicity team, including Rusty Shelton, Amber Gray, and David Luna at Shelton Interactive and Stephanie Chelf and Jackie Herskovitz at Teak Media, has been of tremendous support. I would also like to thank friends of mine, including Paul Gurney, Perrie Merlin, and Michelle Caya, who weighed in on various drafts of the book.

To my family (to whom I have dedicated this book) Martha White, Richard White, Becky Hill, and Corey Hill, I wanted to thank you for putting up with me and supporting me throughout all of my schooling and career. A thank-you as well to my friends Mark Schatz, Patrick Priest, Robin Lippert, Denise Egan Stack, Chris Miller, Matthew Wagner, Ellen Prairie, Alice Bredice, Nate Gruner, and Gabe Gruner for enduring my endless conversations and seeking reassurance about the state of the writing process. And finally a thank-you to my staff for their thoughts, ideas and encouragement: Michael Spigler, Pamela Lowy, Fran -Harrington, Marissa Keegan, and Victor Sulkowski.

Introduction

During the sixth week studying nonstop for my doctoral candidacy exam—a two-day test that required nine hours of essay writing—I had constructed a three-inch binder filled with notes, articles, and outlines. I had decided I wanted to be a psychologist when I was 15 years old, and by doing well on this exam, I would gain official entry into the doctoral program in clinical psychology. It would be worth it when it was all over—when all of my studying, dedication, and striving to be the best got me to this place.

I was thinking about this as I sat on my bed in my 300-square-foot studio apartment with the binder on my lap, when I realized that I had been studying for a while and needed a break. I went into the kitchen to get a drink of water, but my mind kept going back to the topics I had been poring over: “What was the outcome of that depression study?” “Who developed that anxiety disorders assessment?” “I have to get myself organized if I am going to do well on this exam!” Then, as I was finishing my water and looking at the cupboard, a seemingly unrelated thought occurred to me: The glasses in the back of the cupboard weren't getting used as much as the ones in the front. I started to grab the glasses in the back, moving them to the front, keeping track of which glasses were recently used and which were not. It seemed ridiculous to me at the time that I hadn't thought of this before. “Organizing the outside organizes the inside—and I need to be organized if I am going to do well!” Wait a minute. What was I doing? Admittedly, it was a little crazy. Organizing my drinking glasses wasn't going to help me with my exam. Organization worked in one context, but it didn't in another. My perfectionist nature was getting the best of me and actually removing my focus from where it needed to be. I tried to get ahold of myself and continue studying.