The Power of One More E-Book

Ed Mylett

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 315

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

You're one more intentional thought and action away from discovering your best life In The Power of One More, renowned keynote speaker and performance expert Ed Mylett draws on 30 years of experience as an entrepreneur and coach to top athletes, entertainers, and business executives to reveal powerful strategies to help you live an extraordinary "one more" life. In The Power of One More, you'll: * Learn why you're closer to your dreams and goals than you think and why using The Power of One More strategies will help you cross the finish line in whatever race you're running * Understand the psychology and science of how to use The Power of One More in every part of your life to help you solve problems and achieve levels of success you never thought possible * Discover time-tested and unique solutions to challenges that will remove the mental roadblocks you've been battling for years Perfect for anyone who wants more bliss, wealth, or better relationships, The Power of One More is an indispensable roadmap to realizing and exceeding your personal and professional goals by tapping into the superpowers and gifts you already have inside you.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Cover

Get the Power of One More Bonus Bundle

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction

1 One More Identity

Your Identity Is Shaped Early in Childhood

Adjusting Your Identity Thermostat

The Trilogy of Changing Your Identity

Self‐Confidence Is the Unifying Factor

Misconceptions About Self‐Confidence and Identity

2 One More and Living in Your Matrix

Living a Deeper Life by Slowing Down Your Matrix

How Your Matrix Works

Training Your Matrix to Get What You Want

Your Matrix and Confirmation Bias

Your Matrix Is Unique to You

Optimizing Your Matrix

3 One More Try

Busting Open the Piñata

A Father, a Daughter, and the Power of One More Try

Three Ways That One More Try Can Turn You into an Overachiever

Making the Power of One More Try Work for You

4 One More and the Five Principles of Time Management

Your Relationship with the Perception of Time

Time Is Your Most Valuable Asset

The Five Principles of Time Management

Changing Others' Perception of You

5 One More Emotion

Understanding the DNA of Emotions

All Emotions Have a Purpose

Why You Hoard Your Emotions

The Act of Emotional Decluttering

Getting Honest and Intentional

Filling Your Home with Positive Emotions

6 One More Association

Your Relationships Define You

Your Relationships Bull's Eye

A Closer Look at Your Inner Circle of Friends

Auditioning Your Inner Circle

7 One More Dream

Entering Your Dream State

A Child's Lesson for You

Why You're Trapped in Your Past

Moving into Your Future

Putting Your Imagination to Work

Giving Yourself Permission to Dream

Dreaming and Doing

8 One More Question to Ask Ourselves

One More Questions to Ask Yourself to Lead an Extraordinary Life

What Are the Answers?

9 One More Goal

The Relationship Between Standards and Goals

Keep It Simple and Flexible

Creating Goals in Your Peak State

Compelling Reasons Drive Your Goals

Goals and Self‐Worth

Using Positive Energy to Create Your Best Goals

How I Create Goals

10 One More Higher Standard

The Difference Between Goals and Standards

What Are You Willing to Tolerate?

Where You Find Your Standards

Think of Your Brain as a Blender

Activating to a Higher Standard

Nine Ways to Set a Higher Standard

Raising Your Standards Is an Ongoing Process

The Consequences of Higher Standards

11 One More Impossibility Thinkers and Possibility Achievers

Learn to Think and Do Rich

Become an Impossibility Thinker and a Possibility Achiever

Watching Your Silent Movie

Alignment Is the Key

Reflecting on Martin Luther King, Jr. and

Strength to Love

12 One More Habit

Be Intentional About Your Habits

The Science of Habits

Trigger, Action, Prize

13 One More Multiplier

The Dynamics of Team Chemistry

Greatness Attracts Greatness

His Name Is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr.

Adding the Right Kind of One More Multiplier

Working with One More Multipliers

14 One More Inconvenience

Embracing Inconvenience as a Way of Life

The Relationship Between Inconvenience and Controversy

The Relationship Between Inconvenience and Greatness

Why You Need Inconvenience in Your Life

Seek Inconvenient Relationships

Tapping into the Right Kind of Inconvenience

15 One More and Defining Leadership

The Elements of Leadership

16 One More and My 11 Leadership Principles

1. Become an Evangelist

2. Listen and Observe

3. Wise Leaders Build Other Leaders

4. Love, Believe In, Care, and Show People How to Live Better

5. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

6. Be Generous with Recognition

7. Have a Cause, Crusade, and a Mission

8. Be Authentic and Humble

9. Create a Culture

10. Give People the Resources They Need to Be Successful

11. Build a Movement

17 One More Degree of Equanimity

The Essence of Equanimity

The Elements of Equanimity

The Eight Worldly Winds

Your Relationship with Equanimity

18 One More Prayer

What Is Faith?

How Do You Define Faith and Prayer?

Drawing Strength from My Faith and Prayers

Linking Faith, Energy, and Quantum Science

You Are Always Making People Feel Something

The Power of One More Prayer

19 One Last One More

About the Author

End User License Agreement

Guide

Introduction

Cover Page

Get The Power of One More Bonus Bundle

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Table of Contents

Begin Reading

About the Author

End User License Agreement

Pages

ii

iii

iv

v

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34

35

36

37

38

39

40

41

42

43

44

45

46

47

48

49

50

51

52

53

54

55

56

57

58

59

60

61

62

63

64

65

66

67

68

69

70

71

72

73

74

75

76

77

79

80

81

82

83

84

85

86

87

88

89

90

91

92

93

94

95

96

97

98

99

100

101

103

104

105

106

107

108

109

110

111

112

113

114

115

116

117

118

119

120

121

122

123

124

125

126

127

128

129

130

131

132

133

134

135

136

137

138

139

140

141

142

143

144

145

146

147

148

149

151

152

153

154

155

156

157

158

159

160

161

162

163

165

166

167

168

169

170

171

172

173

175

176

177

178

179

180

181

182

183

184

185

187

188

189

190

191

192

193

194

195

196

197

198

199

200

201

202

203

204

205

206

207

208

209

210

211

213

214

215

216

217

218

219

220

221

222

223

224

225

226

227

228

229

230

231

232

233

234

235

236

237

238

239

240

241

242

243

244

245

246

247

248

249

250

251

252

253

254

255

GET THE POWER OF ONE MORE BONUS BUNDLE

Scan the QR code or visit www.thepowerofonemore.com/bundle to get access to Ed Mylett's The Power of One More bonus bundle.

Tap into Ed's thoughts, actions, and strategies that will change your life forever, including:

The Power of One More

Chapter Guide

Exclusive content with Ed

How to join the Maxout community and benefit from Ed's podcasts, social media posts, and more…

THE POWER OF ONE MORE

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS

ED MYLETT

BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF #MAXOUT YOUR LIFE

Copyright © 2022 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per‐copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750‐8400, fax (978) 750‐4470, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748‐6011, fax (201) 748‐6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permission.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. Neither the publisher nor authors shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

For general information on our other products and services or for technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (800) 762‐2974, outside the United States at (317) 572‐3993 or fax (317) 572‐4002.

Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic formats. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging‐in‐Publication Data is Available:

ISBN 9781119815365 (Hardback)ISBN 9781119815389 (ePDF)ISBN 9781119815372 (ePub)

Cover Design and Image: Zero Degrees MediaAuthor Photo: © Lily Ro Photography

Dedicated to the man who taught me the true meaning of One More, my father, Edward Joseph Mylett, Jr.

Introduction

THE POWER OF ONE MORE IS THE CULMINATION OF A PHILOSOPHY I've been developing for more than 30 years.

At its core, The Power of One More is about your willingness to do one more rep, make one more phone call, get up one hour earlier, build one more relationship, or do one more thing for whatever your situation calls for.

You can find your best life by doing “one more” than the world expects from you.

I wrote The Power of One More to transform your life by adopting strategies I've successfully used time and time again. By living a One More life, you can completely change your relationships, finances, emotions, the way you do business, your outlook on life, and more.

You were not born to be average or ordinary. You were born to do something great with your life.

I know this about you.

The Power of One More is a dynamic contract between us. It's an important exchange of ideas and knowledge. Depending on who you are, what I'm about to teach you will impact each one of you differently. By changing how you think and act, you'll find answers in those areas of life that matter most to you.

The beauty of all this is that, most times, the answers are relatively simple.

But for whatever reasons, you may not have been able to see them or resolve them on your own. Figuring out where to begin can feel daunting. Most people are under the impression there are a thousand different things they must do to change their lives. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I've learned, and you will too, that one more thing is often all it takes. And frequently, it's only one more step away from where you are now.

Begin with ONE MORE.

You're a lot closer to changing your life than you think. You’re one more meeting, one more relationship, one more decision, one more action, or one more thought from leading the life you deserve. The Power of One More challenges you to become hyper‐focused and addicted to searching for the “one mores” in your life. The more you begin to see them and then execute the actions to realize them, the more your life will change.

The individual thoughts and actions you take don't need to be profound. However, when you compound these small thoughts and actions and stack them up on top of each other, the resulting changes over time are profound.

I'll teach you to keep promises to yourself, creating an internal belief system that you are destined for a better life than what you have now. When you implement One More strategies, you live by a set of principles above and beyond those of most other people.

This is not just a “how to succeed in business” or a “how to succeed in your relationships” book, although, for some, it will be. For most of you, this book will have several applications. That's why you should think of this as a “how to succeed in your life” book. Your challenge is to take these strategies and apply them to the areas of your life that matter to you.

There are no wasted words on these pages, but some parts of this book will connect with you more than others. Certain principles will challenge your ways of thinking, beliefs, and values. And several will land on you like a ton of bricks and change your life forever. I've purposely designed these strategies to be universal as well. You're going to read about principles that apply to all people in every area of life.

You can take lessons from each chapter whether you're a world‐class athlete, a CEO, a rapidly rising star in the business world, a parent, or still in college. Some of you will use this book to transform your life completely. Others will focus on insights to enhance specific parts of your life that are lacking or troublesome.

I'm confident The Power of One More will resonate with you because, in many ways, I'm just like you. I'm not the person now that I was when I first started on my own transformational journey. Like you, I struggled at times. I get what it's like to worry about money, relationships, and my purpose in life. I know what it's like to lack confidence, fall into a slump, and wonder if I'll ever feel happy. I've been beyond poor, to the point I couldn't even pay the water bill in an apartment where my wife and I once lived.

I've faced health problems.

I've lost people close to me.

And over the years, I've battled doubt, frustration, fear, and anxiety.

I've lived with not having the answers. Even worse, I've also been in places where I didn't know what paths to take to find the answers I so desperately sought.

For those of you who have lived in a stressful or dysfunctional family, I also know what that's like. Later in this book, I'm going to tell you about the personal challenges I faced being raised by an alcoholic father who was also my hero, and how that impacted my self‐esteem.

In fact, one of the reasons I've become so proficient at learning how to grow is because I had such a far place from which to come. The truth is, I needed to learn how to grow so I could simply function to reach a baseline.

The good coming from all of this is that it reinforced my belief people can dramatically change their lives. I saw it firsthand from watching how much my father changed over the years.

I also wrote The Power of One More because after years and years of struggling, and trial and error, I learned what it takes to succeed in life. I've paid a price, but I now know what many of the answers are and what it takes to win.

Along the way, I've also watched good friends and business associates chase what they think is fun at the expense of winning. Sadly, they become distracted and lose sight of just how good winning feels. Then they spend a lot more time and energy trying to get to a place they could have been already.

When I first started out, I often set fun aside in favor of winning. The ironic thing is, it didn't take long before I figured out that winning is fun. In fact, one of the quotes I'm best known for is, “Winning is more fun than fun is fun.” When you're finished reading this book, hopefully you'll think so, too.

I've been living by these principles for 30 years, applying what I've learned to design my best life. My goal for The Power of One More is to help you identify your talents, gifts, and abilities, then maximize them for your own greater good and for the people around you.

Many self‐improvement and performance books I read say the same thing over and over. I don't know about you, but I lose interest after a couple of chapters. I purposely set out to make The Power of One More different in that respect. The strategies and philosophies I'm going to share with you are unique unto themselves.

The Power of One More teaches you to combine your gifts with directed, intentional thoughts and focused actions. That gives you the resources you need to produce the standards, goals, and outcomes you deserve. Every one of the principles I share in these pages has worked for me beyond my wildest dreams. I'm also humbled and aware that I've been gifted with a certain amount of luck and God's blessings.

You have your own version of these same gifts as well. But, like me, you also need to put in the work and keep an open mind when it comes to making changes in your life. In many cases, those changes won't be easy at first. In fact, the more worthy a goal and the more changes you go through to reach it, the more resistance you'll encounter. Expect that—plan for it. When you put yourself in the right frame of mind and you're mentally tough, you'll succeed more often than you otherwise would.

The Power of One More is the product of years upon years of how I have lived, grown, and changed my life to produce wealth, happiness, and meaningful relationships with people I care about deeply. I want to share the lessons I've learned with you so that you can lead your best life, too.

Approach The Power of One More like a key that will unlock your mind, and you may be surprised how one more thought and one more action will change your life forever.

Remember, we're a lot alike, you and me.

If I can do it, you can too.

1One More Identity

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

—Andy Warhol

IN MANY WAYS, RESHAPING YOUR IDENTITY IS THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL CONCEPT of what it means to be a One More thinker and doer.

Your identity is a powerful and influential driver that governs outcomes in all parts of your life. Identity defines the limits of your success, finances, and achievements. It controls the quality of your emotions, relationships, and self‐worth.

What exactly is identity? I define it as the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs we hold as the most genuine parts of our inner being. You can put on a face or act a certain way for the rest of the world, but you can't lie to yourself when it comes to these things. Deep inside, you know what's true about you.

Put another way, identity is this: What we perceive about ourselves is what we believe about ourselves.

Here's the paradox about identity. Many people know they could improve their lives significantly if they changed their identity. However, many people aren't willing to take the necessary steps, even when it's in their own best interests.

Are you willing to sacrifice who you are for who you could be? The answer should be a resounding “Yes!” That's a logical conclusion and sounds obvious, so it's a mystery why lots of people struggle with this fundamental question. You weren't put on this Earth to be a bump on a log, or a lump of coal in the ground. Your mission is to keep growing, expanding, and learning to lead a full and happy life. When you do these things, your identity will change.

Identity is so important because it unlocks so many other amazing things in your life. When you create a One More identity, you give yourself the gift of taking control by dictating internal messages instead of being governed by external forces that have been undermining your happiness, possibly since the day you were born.

Your Identity Is Shaped Early in Childhood

As a child, you were a blank canvas. You were impressionable, happy, and accepting.

You had no reason to believe the external world was out to hurt you in any way. Gradually, you learned to function in the world based on what you were taught by your parents, family members, friends, teachers, and others with whom you came in contact.

Of course, many people were well intentioned. However, that doesn't mean what they taught you was always right. The fact is, nobody is ever always right. As a child, you accepted much of what you were told, right or wrong. Your identity became the good and the bad parts of how other people influenced you. The unfortunate thing is that you were defenseless. Your critical thinking skills did not exist to give you the tools you needed to survive in the world.

As you grew older, you began to confirm your identity. If someone said you weren't a good student or a lousy athlete, that became a part of your identity. You still didn't have the capacity to disavow what you were being told. You grew into adulthood, and you carried with you these beliefs about yourself. Your identity had taken root. Your limitations became a part of you, and because they were so ingrained, you weren't even sure where they came from.

That's a lot of baggage to lug around, isn't it?

By the time you were old enough and able to question your identity, you were living with the identity you had adopted at a time when you didn't have a choice. Of course, this assumes you're even aware of how your identity impacts you. Many people simply go through life, screwed up and unsuccessful, and never quite knowing why.

However, as a One More thinker, you are now aware, and you can change your identity once you become intentional about it. Here's how.

Adjusting Your Identity Thermostat

I've touched briefly on your identity thermostat in the past, but now I want to give you more details on how this concept can work on your behalf.

Your identity is the force that governs your life and regulates your results. Think of it like a thermostat. Your internal thermostat sets the conditions of your life.

You walk into a room, and if it's too hot or too cold, you look for a thermostat to adjust the temperature to what you like. It doesn't matter what the external conditions are. The temperature can be 100 degrees outside, but if the thermostat is set for 75 degrees, it kicks on, and the air conditioning cools down the temperature and regulates the environment. The same applies when it's 30 degrees outside. The thermostat kicks in and warms your surroundings to 75 degrees.

Your life works exactly the same way. If you're a 75‐degree person, you turn on the air conditioners of your life and cool it back down to what you think you're worth. This is what happens every time your results begin to exceed your identity. You unconsciously turn on the air conditioners of your life and cool it back down to what you believe you deserve.

Much like a thermostat, your identity regulates your internal self‐worth. It regulates your actions and results. Many people are under the false assumption that external factors are what regulates your thermostat. They believe that getting a promotion, getting married to the love of your life, or getting an advanced degree from college determines their identity.

If you don't raise your identity, then eventually you will turn the air conditioning of your life on sooner or later, and that temperature will drop back down to 75 degrees, or some other setting you don't want, simply because you didn't take charge and decide what identity you wanted.

However, if your thermostat is set the right way, it will transcend conditions and you will find success no matter what the external conditions are.

The truth is that you can acquire all the talents, skills, and abilities you want, but until they align with your identity, you'll fall short of the goals you've set. That applies across the board.

For example, think about your fitness identity. Let's suppose you lost 20 pounds at one time in your life. Despite being armed with the best weight‐loss recipes or workout regimens, a year later, you added all that weight back on and you're right where you started. That's because, when your fitness identity thermostat is set at 75 degrees, it means you're comfortable carrying 20 extra pounds, and try as you might, you'll always drift back to that 75‐degree setting.

You can take all the right actions with diet and exercise, but if your internal thermostat is not set for success and remains at 75 degrees, eventually you'll drift back to your old thermostat setting by eating the wrong food or falling out of a solid workout regimen. You'll use external circumstances to find ways to cool you back down to what your internal circumstances believe you're worth.

Here's another example. Maybe you're doing well financially, but you can't seem to get to that next level of wealth you think you deserve. You may want $10 million in the bank. However, until you turn up your thermostat to believe your identity is worth $10 million, even if you make that much money, your thermostat will eventually cool you off to what your identity believes you are worth. It may take a few years, but eventually, unless you change that internal thermostat, you'll start to experience financial setbacks.

Chances are these types of situations and many others are something you've experienced.

There's no shortage of information, coaching, or paths to success in any part of your life. So it follows, the barriers to success are found inside of you. That is why you can do all the right things and still not get the results you wanted.

Remember this key point! Unconsciously, we always find a way to get back to where our thermostat is set based on what we think we're worth.

Simply put, you can't achieve 100 degrees of fitness or wealth with a thermostat set for 75 degrees of fitness or wealth. Your thermostat boxes you in until you can create a new identity that triggers growth and change.

This isn't to say that you can't achieve success, because you will in many cases. However, unless you adjust your identity, down the road, your thermostat will bring you back to where your identity is set.

Typically, most people blame external forces when this happens. Do these examples sound familiar?

I tweaked my back and couldn't work out for eight weeks, and then I lost interest in getting fit.

The economy turned, and I lost a ton of money in the stock market, so I gave up on my dream of being worth $10 million.

If your thermostat isn't set high enough, you'll see these as coincidences, karma, or bad luck that conspired against you. But that's not what they are. If your thermostat is set high enough, these are little more than temporary setbacks.

However, the difference between you as a One More person and everyone else is that you will view these as speedbumps on the road to your goals. You won't use temporary setbacks as an excuse to create permanent failures. You'll have the grit it takes to gravitate to where your thermostat is set, and eventually, you'll rise to that temperature.

Remember, as a One More person, change comes from thinking and acting. This book is not about doing one thing or the other. You must do them in unison. When you think and act in congruency, you don't cool your thermostat back down. Instead, you're best positioned to turn your thermostat up to achieve the results you deserve.

The Trilogy of Changing Your Identity

Once you buy into the concept that changing your identity is the key to changing your life, the question then becomes, “How do I readjust my thermostat to create my new identity?” That process is anchored in a Trilogy of core principles: faith, intentions, and associations.

Faith

According to Matthew 17:20–21, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Nothing moves mountains quite like faith. The same applies to moving your thermostat so that you can move your identity to a new place, too. If you're a person of faith, whether you practice Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, or any other faith‐based teachings, fundamentally, you believe that your God loves you.

As part of my faith, I believe that I come from the most extraordinary DNA in the world: God's DNA. As an extension of this, I also believe that God did not make me in His image to live with a thermostat set at 75 degrees. My God, and your spiritual deity, too, created us to live a full faith‐based life with a thermostat set at 100 degrees.

Many people say they lead faith‐based lives, but how many of us say they have God and faith in all parts of their lives? Several people I know read the Bible, go to church, and are kind‐hearted and loving people. But do these same people extend their faith into their beliefs about personal fitness, finance, relationships, and business? In many cases, the answer is “No.”

One of the keys to changing your identity is to let faith move mountains in all parts of your life.

Intentions

When our actions are based on good intentions, our soul has no regrets.

—Anthony Douglas Williams

I meet many people who constantly beat themselves up for where they are in life instead of giving themselves credit for their intentions to move to a new identity. If this sounds like you, all you're doing is reinforcing your current identity—your 75‐degree life.

Do these moans sound familiar?

I'd give myself more credit if I had gotten that promotion.

My life is a complete mess since I got divorced three years ago.

I'm a failure since I had to claim bankruptcy during the pandemic.

You're not letting yourself up off the mat when you do this. It's a dead‐bang loser of an approach to life. You're not being fair to the person who matters most—you!

Thinking this way creates a downward spiral, and the farther down you spin, the harder it is to climb out of it and create a new identity. You'll accept frustration. You won't want to be around people. And, quite frankly, most people won't want to be around you.

Instead of souring on life, flip your script. Tell yourself you intend to do good and to serve. That you intend to create a thriving business and have money in the bank. You intend to treat the people around you with care and are worthy of a loving and caring relationship. Apply good intentions to all parts of your life, and then watch what happens.

Your intentions will set your mind to work creating your new identity. Your brain works on what it is told. When you tell your brain what you want to attract, it will design internal messages that will feed the good parts of who you are and manifest themselves in a new identity over time. Intentions are the currency that lets you make deposits in your “identity bank” instead of you creating a run on that bank that will eventually drive you into identity bankruptcy.

Associations

Consider the words of T. F. Hodge, “What surrounds us is what is within us.”

You can't possibly stay at 75 degrees if you hang out with people operating at 100 degrees.

Through proximity, you absorb the traits, actions, and beliefs of the people you associate with. Consciously and unconsciously, their knowledge and ideas become a part of who you are.

This is why you should seek out quality associations that can either directly or indirectly help you grow to be the 100‐degree person you're meant to be.

The other side of this is that if you want to raise your thermostat and change your identity, you may need to say goodbye to many of the 50‐degree people in your life.

Yes, I know that can be a hard thing to do. Until you clear out space in your life for the right associations, you'll be mired in relationships that have outlived their purpose and now hold you back. I'm not saying this part is easy, but at times, it is necessary.

The other way to approach this is to reject 50‐degree behavior and raise other people's thermostats instead. This is an especially viable approach when you're dealing with family members or lifelong friends where saying goodbye could be difficult.

The bottom line is that you're a reflection of the people you associate with. If you associate with people who elevate you and make your thermostat rise, then you're on the right path to creating a new identity.

Once you're armed with awareness of the Trilogy, you can only move forward if you adjust the level of self‐confidence you have to change your identity.

Self‐Confidence Is the Unifying Factor

I go into greater detail in Chapter 12 on habits, but self‐confidence and how it relates to identity are crucial concepts worth repeating.

The first thing to know is that identity is different than self‐confidence. Identity is what you believe you're worth. Your internal thermostat. Self‐confidence is the means to deliver on it.

Self‐confident people share one habit in common, and that is the ability to keep the promises they make to themselves. When you're in the habit of keeping promises you make with yourself, you're on the pathway to self‐confidence.

Self‐confidence is also a form of self‐trust, and if you can't trust yourself, you need to do some hard thinking about your life.

It also follows that if you're timid, you won't act. If you have doubts, you'll paralyze yourself with fear. Doubts are the products of external factors in your life. They are incubators for negative thoughts. When these negative thoughts grow, they take over all your thoughts, and your mind descends into unproductive and damaging places.

That's why you must guard your thoughts. Pull out the mental weeds that threaten to take over the good parts of your psyche. You may not get them all, and that's okay. Self‐confidence is not about doing away with fear or timidity. It's about moving forward anyway because of the agreements you made with yourself.

The other critical thing is that self‐confidence is generated from within. And because it's an internal emotion, you can stack the deck in your favor.

Ralph Waldo Emerson put it this way: “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”

Let this sink in. You are the only one who gets a say in how much self‐confidence you want. When you break internal agreements, you're only fighting with yourself. If this sounds a bit crazy, that's because it is. Wouldn't you rather save your energy for the other battles you're fighting?

Like most things in life, when keeping a promise to yourself, the first step is always the hardest. I guarantee that once your train of thought pulls out of that station in your head, you'll find the momentum you need to act. You'll see results as you develop a new identity. Those results will be the fuel that keeps that train moving on down the tracks.

The opposite of self‐confidence is self‐sabotage. It's like a computer virus that lurks inside many people and is only triggered when you try to move forward with an important part of your life. Self‐sabotage triggers discouragement and doubt, the mortal enemies of self‐confidence.

Farnham Street Media founder Shane Parrish perfectly described how these things could damage you when he said, “Optimism might not make you successful, but pessimism will ensure you don't succeed.”When you self‐sabotage, you dial down your thermostat and deny yourself the bliss that was headed into your life.