Table of Contents
Praise
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Preface
Acknowledgements
Introduction
CHAPTER 1 - Deciding to Decide
Take It
Leave It
Change It
Take It
Leave It
Change It
It’s All About Them
CHAPTER 2 - Spoiled Brats
Who’s to Blame?
Leadership Choices
Step Out of the Spoiled Brat Syndrome
Is Entitlement a Generational Issue?
CHAPTER 3 - Give Up or Toughen Up
Your Turn
On a Personal Note . . .
Know When to Cut Your Losses
CHAPTER 4 - What Leaders Want
Do You React or Respond?
Your Turn
CHAPTER 5 - The F Word
Fat Chance for Reducing Costs
Promotability
Physical Activity for a Healthy Weight
CHAPTER 6 - Office Politics and Gossip
The Root of Office Gossip
Office Politics
Office Politics and Gossip Quiz
How to Navigate Your Way Through Tricky Political Waters
The Ultimate Communication Tool
Controlling and Pruning the Grapevine
Creeping Gradualism: The Disease Behind Gossip
Your Turn
CHAPTER 7 - Is Your Networking Working?
Your Turn
Communicate Clearly When You Attend an Event
Follow Up
Volunteer
Hi! My Name Is Marsha. What Do You Do?
Social Networking: The New Way to Connect
CHAPTER 8 - What You Need to Succeed
Platform Presence: Your Presentation Skills
Death by Meeting: Learn How to Run and Attend Meetings
When It’s Positive to Be Negative
Difficult Behavior: Are You a Role Model on How to Handle Toxic People?
Dreading the Dress Code
Customers Count
Homework for What You Need to Succeed
CHAPTER 9 - Find It, Keep It, Love It
Three Key Traits I Look for in Hiring
Find It
Keep It
Love It
Empower Yourself: Dump the Entitlement Attitude
Life After Layoff
CHAPTER 10 - Preach It, Teach It
Money Mastery
A Word on Parenting . . .
52 Lessons Learned
APPENDIX - Connections
About the Author
Praise forThe Reactor Factor
“With all the wake-up calls we seem to have forced on us today, it is delightful to read an author that shoots straight about how to be ready for the next wake-up call. If you’re a little nervous about your relevance in today’s economy, you really should read this book.”
—Gary Sitton, President and Founder, SunGard Technologies (retired)
“Marsha has a knack for effectively holding up the mirror that reflects not only our reality, but also our potential . . . while gently reminding us, the choice is ours.”
—Gwen Gallagher, President, Old Republic Home Protection
“The Reactor Factor identifies behaviors by employees, managers, executives, and even companies that are detrimental to successful outcomes of their endeavors and also offers ways of remedying those behaviors. Self-reliance rather than self-indulgence is key to positive change. This book should be required reading for all politicians.”
—Don Slotten, Entrepreneur and Marsha’s High School Homeroom Teacher
“Once again Marsha gets to the heart of good business practices, leadership, and management. This insightful collection of wisdom from successful business veterans is just as valid in boom times as they are in turbulent and uncertain times. Job well done, Marsha!”
—Michael D. Austin, President, Armor Sports Holdings
“Marsha is real. Her commonsense approach and reality check on everyday life is a breath of fresh air. I could read or listen to her every day to get that shot in the arm straight talk that keeps me on track.”
—Wendy Rice-Isaacs, Regional Administrative Director, Vorys, Sater, Seymour, and Pease, LLP
“Marsha provides the blueprint for peak performance at work. If you want to make more money more easily and want to learn to smile knowingly at conflict and office politics in the knowledge that you are fully equipped to deal with everything that comes your way, you simply must buy this book. It would be ludicrous not to.”
—Mike Giles, CEO, Standing on the Shoulders of Giants, United Kingdom
“Marsha’s new book provides direct talk to those who want to achieve their purpose and potential in all sides of life. It is rich in the range of subjects that can bring out the best in us in dealing with others, situations and successful outcomes. This book will be one you rely on for a very long time to come.”
—James W. Myers, CEO, Myers Management & Capital Group, Inc.
“OK. Where do I start? Wow? How about Bam? Slam? Smash? If you are looking for niceties, sweetness, and courtesies—The Reactor Factor is not the place to visit. If your skin is thick and you think ‘YOU can handle the TRUTH!’—then you have come to the right place. I pride myself on not being too politically correct. Marsha is making me feel like a little old lady for not having come out with this book myself. The Reactor Factor makes sense. Quit your sniffing, get to reading, and plan on making some changes.”
—Rick Gillis, Host of Rick Gillis Employment Radio, and Author of Really Useful Job Search Tactics
“Marsha Petrie Sue shows us if we simply react to difficult forces and events around us, we adopt a victim mentality. However, she calls it as she sees it, and invites us to take these so-called ‘troubled times’ as ‘times of opportunity.’ You grab the opportunity, you wrestle it, and you take charge. Isn’t that preferable to falling in a helpless heap? Take hope, take heed, take hold!”
—Dr. Geoff Haw, Managing Director, Sagacity Services, Australia
“A must-read for aspiring and self-confident leaders and managers that are focused on sustainable career growth by recognizing, avoiding, and benefiting from individual and organizational behaviors that can stymie all but the strongest and adaptable talents.”
—Arch Granda, President, Grandwest and Associates
“The Reactor Factor lays out a plan that anyone can follow and achieve. Her no-nonsense approach to developing a straightforward and effective workplace game plan is essential to taking control of your career and your life!”
—Kelly Zitlow, CMPS® , Vice President, Suburban Mortgage, Inc.
“For anyone in management this book is a must. Marsha Petrie Sue continues to inform in a clever, humorous way that directly gets to the useful information necessary to reduce stress and increase production. Our patients are pleased that our staff is happy and efficient, and I attribute that to applying Ms. Petrie Sue’s methods. This latest book compels the healthy outlook on life that we all deserve.”
—Bud Rasner, DDS, Owner, Knolls Dental Group
“Only you can start the engine and place the gear into ‘Drive’ to be able to move forward with the necessary changes required in your life. Marsha’s book provides the thought processes on how to make those changes happen. SO WHAT’S STOPPING YOU? MAKE IT HAPPEN! You’ll be glad you did!”
—Kathey Dufek, Assistant Vice President, The Doctors Company
“What a great book! Every company leader, manager, and supervisor should read it. Marsha Petrie Sue has created an easy-to-follow road map for getting people to accept personal responsibility for their decisions and actions. How refreshing—no more entitlement mentality!”
—Dr. Tony Alessandra, Keynote Speaker and Author of The NEW Art of Managing People and Communicating at Work
“Business people, young and old, can enjoy the successes of maturity and experience through reading, absorbing, and applying the information in this book and your earlier writings. This book provides easily repeatable actions for success. Marsha’s provided the playbook; the ball is in your court!!”
—Rick Labrum, Vice President, Wealth Management, SmithBarney
“It’s refreshing to see someone so passionate about personal accountability when all you see and hear out there these days is entitlement. Holding yourself accountable is the first step to success. Marsha gives you the tools you need to get it done.”
—Bo Calbert, President, McCarthy Building Companies Inc. Southwest
“The Reactor Factor contains the wisdom and advice relevant today, and we have seen it in action. Marsha’s past consulting services to our company taught us not to react emotionally to economic downturns and to not lose positive focus on business development. Instead, we responded constructively by redeployment of employee skills to increase e-networking to improve our relationship with customers and to personalize our brand.”
—John and Anne Draper, Owners, Bear Mountain Ranch
“Well you’ve done it again, Marsha Petrie Sue. The Reactor Factor provides the tools, techniques, and information needed for positive action in any economy. Warning: this book is only for those who choose to move forward in their jobs, business, and life!”
—Janita Cooper, CEO, Master Duplicating Corporation
“Quintessential Marsha Petrie Sue. A book for people who are really serious about taking charge of their careers.”
—Ruth. G. Covey, Director of Quality, Security, and Export Control, Armor Designs
“When I hear of a new project tackled by Marsha, I get excited and I can’t wait for the results. And she did it again! The Reactor Factor is another one of her masterpieces of straightforward talk, a no-nonsense and down-to-earth approach on what needs to be done and what can indeed be achieved. Don’t wait for anybody’s bailout, read this book, and take charge! The rewards will be immense.”
—Danielle Hampson, Talk Show Host, Mind Your BIZness
“A great how-to manual on taking control of your life. A real guide to eliminate the excuses blocking you from creating the life of your dreams.”
—Randi Smith-Todorowski, President, Atlas Martial Arts
“A survival guide for all times—this should be in everyone’s purse, briefcase, home, office, and car. How we make decisions and take action defines the course to success or destruction—you choose, and it happens in an instant! Since the only thing that is certain is change, you’d better get equipped to shape and sharpen your reaction to create your success!”
—Norma Strange, Partner, Residual Income Technologies
“Marsha gets to the point early, as you do when facing crisis and downturn. Attitude, assertion, honest communication, and practical strategies abound in this book. The world needs to hear these more. Very useful for job applicants, job keepers, and employers who want to progress. There is something for everyone in this book. You have no excuse not to read it. This is not only a winner in adversity but it makes sense in good times.”
—Penny Barrington Haw, Facilitator, Qualified Coach, Trainer, Teacher, Spruiker, Australia
“Marsha’s book is an exceptional tool for understanding how you can become and remain successful in today’s ever-changing business world. She shows you how to apply yourself in real-world business situations through knowledge sharing, networking, and self-assessment. It is a great supplement to one’s bag of business tools.”
—Allan T. Zinky, PMP, Service Development Director, American Express Technologies
Copyright © 2010 by Marsha Petrie Sue. All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Sue, Marsha Petrie.
The reactor factor : how to handle difficult work situations without going nuclear / by Marsha Petrie Sue.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
eISBN : 978-0-470-53842-5
1. Conflict management. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Interpersonal conflict. I. Title. HD42.S.1-dc22 2009016542
To all the people in the workforce who are struggling to be successful but aren’t quite sure what to do.
Preface
There is no topic sacred in this book because my goal is to provide a workbook for responding instead of reacting. I recommend reading the contents and choosing the topics that are important to you, right now.
• Do you want to know how obesity affects your job? It’s here.
• Want to get rid of the entitlement attitude? It’s here.
• How about working with the spoiled brats in your office? It’s here.
• Boggled about how to handle office politics, and the grapevine? It’s here.
• Are you in a state of anxiety when asked to do a presentation? It’s here.
• What if you are laid off and need to find a job? It’s here.
• Need to get a grip on social networks? It’s here.
• Want to better manage the time you spend in meetings? It’s here.
• Confused about dress codes and what to wear? It’s here.
I’ve conducted more than 45 interviews with professionals of small and large businesses. These businesspeople provide insight to what can work and what can help you through some of the negatives in today’s business world. Todd Davis, the guy who gives out his social security number in all the LifeLock ads, shares incredible insights into excellence. Gary and Judy Sitton, successful entrepreneurs who took an idea and turned it into a multi-million dollar business, give you tips on how to succeed. Add to that formula all the other people who so graciously gave me their time so I could provide insights in this book for you.
Learn to take personal responsibility so you can be free from being a job slave. You will be able to break the shackles, even if you can’t afford to quit. Freedom of choice is yours if you so choose—and you do have choices.
For those of you familiar with my stuff, The CEO of YOU: Leading Yourself to Success shared my personal and work experiences while Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape is the ultimate resource for dealing with jerks at work. The Reactor Factor looks at what is actually happening in your world of work today and gives you the tools needed to succeed. You will find worksheets and challenges throughout.
Please check the web site at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com if you need any of the worksheets as printable documents. My hope is that you will use them for yourself, but also with people you work with. Whether you are in charge or not, the challenge remains how you improve your environment not only at work but also at home. How about involving your partner and kids in becoming more capable in handling the negatives in life?
Remember, you are in charge, and success is totally up to you.So get busy.
—Marsha
If you can’t do something nice, just do something. But don’t sit there like a lump.
—Dorothy L. Petrie
Acknowledgments
Thanks to Larry Winget for introducing me to Matt Holt at John Wiley & Sons, Inc. This is my second book with Matt and his team, and they continue to give me the feedback I need, the editing to make the book readable, and the total support for success. There are so many people to mention at John Wiley, including the incredible talents of Lauren Lynch, Christine Moore, and Kate Lindsay.
But even before my introduction to the folks at John Wiley, Larry coached me, tore my materials apart, and jolted me into the realism of what it would take to tell my story and why it is so important to dump the fluff. Larry’s wife Rose Mary has been an instrumental influence in keeping my life in balance with outings to golf, the spa, eating tamales, and the ever so frequent wine outings.
Jan Olsen is truly my right and left arm. She has become an excellent mind reader and, as she reminds me, talent is on her job description. Marcia Snow constantly makes sure my schedule, calendar, travels, speaking, and everything else are in order. Janita Cooper is not only a wonderful friend but produces all my CDs and DVDs by using her creativity and imagination to make me look good. Sounding and looking good is thankfully in the hands of Rocky Heyer who works with Janita at Master Duplicating.
And, of course, my now retired husband, Al. Without his believing in me and his constant encouragement I would still be hanging out in the corporate world. He knows when to leave me alone, and when I need a hug. He is the light of my life and is the best husband and partner anyone could ask for. I’m glad I married the boy named Sue.
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
—Bernard Meltzer, radio host
Introduction
I watched my dad, Marshall Petrie, take personal responsibility for his life and success by always seeking out new opportunities. Born in Chicago, his mother passed away upon the birth of his youngest brother, forcing my dad to grow up quickly under the direction of close relatives.
As the story goes, Marshall was a Zoot Suiter, a word meaning a male gangster, wearing the pin-striped suits, usually with baggy pants with “pegged” legs and suit jackets with wide shoulders and wide brim hats. His father, a strict German and an accountant by trade, swiftly expelled Dad from the house.
Opportunity #1—With no place to go, Dad moved to Vallejo, California, and was a bootlegger, which was a unique response to prohibition. He and his buddies would make bathtub gin, fill empty liquor bottles with the swill, and then take gunnysacks and drag them through the seawater and sand to give them the appearance of being imported. This was during prohibition, so there were sporadic visits to the local jail for their illegal deeds and bootlegging.
Opportunity #2—The bootlegger occupation wasn’t working out too well so Dad became a barber, but quickly realized there was no money to be made.
Opportunity #3—In 1933, the end of prohibition, Marshall was visiting his favorite watering hole and realized that the bartender was mixing a drink the same way he had learned to whip up the foam for a shave. So his next career move was to bartending. He was gregarious and a wonderful conversationalist so he made many friends and built solid relationships.
Opportunity #4—Ten years later, the withholding tax on wages was introduced in 1943 and was instrumental in increasing the number of taxpayers to 60 million and tax collections to $43 billion. Dad saw the opportunity to provide a service helping people complete their tax forms. So the offices of Marshall Petrie, Public Accountant, were formally opened in San Pedro, California. Many of his bar patrons followed him to his new occupation. After additional studies, Dad was grandfathered to the status of Certified Public Accountant.
During my high school years, my mother, Dorothy Petrie, went back to school at the age of 50 and became a real estate broker. She leveraged all the experience and years working for my father and became a very successful Realtor and property manager. She responded well to the life of a divorced woman.
Because of my mom and dad, Dorothy and Marshall, I have transitioned my life and success. There have been many times in my career and personal life when I have made dumb decisions—and plenty of them! Additionally, there have been many opportunities lost because I decided to keep my head in the sand. Perhaps a lot like you. But I have now learned how to respond positively to negative situations at work without going nuclear and am living the Reactor Factor.
The only two helping hands you will ever have are attached to the end of your arms. Use them and stop waiting for someone to rescue you. They’re not coming.
—F. Marshall Petrie
CHAPTER 1
Deciding to Decide
Take It, Leave It, Change It
Today’s decisions are tomorrow’s realities.
—Anonymous
The Reactor Factor is all about making decisions to get better outcomes. I believe you always have three choices: you can (1) Take it, (2) Leave it, or (3) Change it. I call this the “TLC” of decision making. When you are stuck, you need to stop, decide to decide, and ask yourself the TLC of deciding to decide. Excuses and whining don’t allow you to take a fresh look at what you can control; TLC does. TLC requires you to take personal responsibility and be accountable for your actions. True business success is established by conquering the Reactor Factor and learning how to quickly turn the negatives into more palpable and positive outcomes.
Oh, I know; life is hard, and it is not always fair. But look at it this way: you can choose to let your situation suck the life out of you; or you can rise above all the negative chatter about not being able to control your boss, your company, your peers, your subordinates, your job, your time, and your projects. And yes, it really is your choice.
In fact, every situation you face gives you the opportunity to choose and control the outcome. It stuns me that so many professionals choose not to take personal responsibility for their outcomes. For many, pointing fingers is easier; and then they wonder why they feel so out of control. This book will not only help you make better choices, it will also help you understand what you can control.
Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
—William Jennings Bryan, American politician and orator
For example, let’s suppose that you are a member of a successful industry and are drawing a decent paycheck. The company has a moderate level of growth, but is always looking for ways to cut corners and save money. Your success has been moderate, and looking back, you know you have survived a few rough patches. You can learn to control the uncontrollable by focusing on these questions and more.
• Do you choose to broaden your scope and learn something new, or are you stuck in intellectual arrogance?
• Do you know your real value in the industry, or merely within your company?
• Are you prepared if the market changes—whether good or bad?
Don’t get sucked into trying to control elements of business that you can’t control. Think about the situations you face. What are you deciding to do? Are you trying to control the uncontrollable? Here are the facts:
• If you have a toxic boss, you will never change him or her.
• If a colleague is a jerk, you won’t get him or her to leave.
• If you hate your job, doing nothing will not make it better.
• If the younger generation entering your business works differently than you do, you won’t get them to change.
• If you are fearful of anything, take a hard look at where the fear originates.
• If you don’t make enough money, complaining will not increase your pay.
• If you are overworked, taking a day off won’t reduce your workload.
• If you have unpaid bills, borrowing more will not reduce your debt.
Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives.
—Richard Bach, American writer
You need to consider these factors and decide to Take It, Leave It, or Change It.
Take It
Accept the above situations for what they are, and don’t let these issues throw you off balance or create stress. It is what it is; in the moment, you know that you need to do something. However, the situation isn’t going to change overnight. You may decide to trigger your thinking into action by beginning to work out a plan to make the future better and different. But right now—in this very instant—you have decided to take it as it is, and not complain to anyone about your circumstance. Because, to be honest, they really don’t care.
Choice: You’ve decided you don’t like your job. You are ticked off, fed up, and are tempted to quit on the spot. You step back from the situation and realize that while leaving right away is probably not feasible, it is ultimately what you will do. You decide to make the best of it and refuse to be part of the grapevine and gossip. You will do your job to the best of your ability, including asking clarifying questions to stay on track. You start to make a plan so you know tomorrow will be better and different than today. Tomorrow might be a week, a month, a year—or even years! But right now, you will take it.
You have decided to take it, so your assertiveness is stronger than ever, and both your internal and external communications are controlled. You are managing your stress, and you’re not making yourself crazy over the situation. Perhaps you just don’t want to take the time right now to really tackle the event, but you have assured yourself that you will rehash the situation within three months.
Leave It
You walk away from the situation and reject it totally. You know you have to do this to save your sanity. You’ve had to quit a personal relationship or fire a friend or partner in your life; and you acknowledge that this will bring some emotional pain and stress. But ultimately, you move yourself away from the situation. This is the most difficult of all the choices because you are realigning into the unknown and expanding your comfort zone. You recognize that there is a risk to moving beyond where you are right now, but you are ready to face the fear of making the decision to jettison yourself to something totally new.
Choice: You are beyond being able to rationally stay, and are ready to leave skid marks and move on. Though it is high risk, you have done your planning and have a firm commitment from another employer. This position seems to be a better, if not a perfect, fit. Your gut is telling you to jump, take a risk, and go for it. You step back from it all and ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” The answer is simple. If you don’t like this new position, you can dive right back into the talent pool and start searching again. You feel good with your decision and have the confidence to jump ship.
For what is the best choice for each individual is the highest it is possible for him to achieve.
—Aristotle, Ancient Greek philosopher
Change It
Your boss and your job are creating stress and unrest for you. The company is exactly where you want to establish your career, but you are working with idiots. However, you decide to stay and make the best of it by changing your approach. You read up on how to handle toxic people and destructive situations, and after analyzing your own, you have new approaches through your enhanced skills. In addition, you find an internal mentor who will help you succeed, and, per his or her suggestion, you pay careful attention to the press releases and grapevine to see if any new opportunities arise for you within the company. Reviewing your education and knowledge bank, you decide to take a class that will give you tools to help you fit into the company growth. In addition, you freshen up your resume and are ready at a moment’s notice when your dream position opens.
There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.
—Winston Churchill, British orator
Change it: Your job is not delivering the satisfaction, challenge, or success that you want out of your career. Interviewing other segments of the business and industry seems to be a viable alternative. So you begin networking internally, externally, and through the social networks to determine what is available. Your goal is to repackage your current talents and skills and apply them to a job description that will deliver what you need. You are willing to learn and to take the risk.
You evaluate the people with whom you spend time and go to lunch and decide that they are negative and promote some of your unrest. You tell them that your break time will be study time. Gradually, you will be able to choose new break buddies and create a more positive environment at work. You are comfortable in your own skin, and you’re not worried about what others will say about you.
Todd Davis, Chief Executive Officer at LifeLock, is the gentleman you see in the LifeLock advertisements that gives out his social security number. I asked him about this decision, and yes, it was his idea to spread this otherwise “secret” number, and he had a wonderful response. Davis said, “I want to be disruptive and do things that no one else will do or has thought of.” He continued by saying, “And that is what I expect of everyone at LifeLock.” He also said he suffers from Blissful Ignorance and this helps him take risks where others wouldn’t.