The Relationship Edge E-Book

Jerry Acuff

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 435

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

Get a practical, actionable, three-step process to build and leverage important relationships Most people know instinctively how to build positive, long-lasting relationships with spouses, friends, and even co-workers-but few of us know how to consciously and systematically build and maintain positive business relationships. For years, The Relationship Edge has successfully shown people how to build personal relationships and repair damaged ones with a proven three-step process. This completely updated third edition offers a fresh perspective on that process and includes more contemporary case studies, as well as how to build and nurture relationships online. * Develop the right mindset-understand that personal relationships are vital to business success, both offline and online * Ask the right questions-discover the common ground you share with others * Do the right thing-be truthful and straightforward or you'll undermine the goodwill you've worked so hard to build * Jerry Acuff, the author, has a proven record of success with previous editions of The Relationship Edge With real case studies and step-by-step guidance, The Relationship Edge, Third Edition offers the tools and advice you need to develop strong, rewarding relationships with customers, co-workers, and managers. Jerry Acuff's latest version is packed full of practical, concrete information on the mechanics of interpersonal relationships in the business world, all designed to have you doing business better and more productively than ever.

Leseprobe

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Preface

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1: Relationships Are Everything

BREATHE AIR INTO RELATIONSHIPS

LEARN TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS

PAYBACK TIME IN MEMPHIS

RELATIONSHIPS CAN TRUMP PRICE

FOUR FUNDAMENTAL SELLING TRUTHS

MEANINGFUL DIALOGUE COMES WITH TRUST

Chapter 2: Climb the Relationship Pyramid

THE RELATIONSHIP PYRAMID LEVELS

YOU NEED KNOWLEDGE, INTEGRITY, ACTIONS

KEY POINTS ABOUT THE PYRAMID

Chapter 3: How to Build a Relationship

WHAT YOU THINK IS STEP 1

LEARN STRATEGIES, NOT TACTICS

Chapter 4: Ask the Twenty Questions

START WITH A SELF-CHECK

SHARING CREATES THE RELATIONSHIP

LEARN WHAT SOMEONE TREASURES

THIRTEEN FACTS ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS

LET THE OTHER PERSON TALK

SELL BY NOT SELLING

START WITH THESE 20 QUESTIONS

MEMORIZE THE QUESTIONS, BUT THINK FORM

TELL ME SOMETHING THAT WILL SURPRISE ME

RESPECT THEIR TIME AND OPINIONS

PLAN WHAT YOU WILL ASK

Chapter 5: Ask the Questions Properly

MOTIVES MATTER

SETTING UP A GOOD QUESTION

ANALYZE THE BRIDGE TO THE QUESTION

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO ACHIEVE TODAY?

ASK PERSONAL QUESTIONS FIRST

HOLD UP A BOOK

DON’T SUGGEST AN ANSWER

FIND COMMON GROUND

MAKE THEM THINK

STIMULATE REAL THINKING

WAYS TO GAIN RESPECT

Chapter 6: Probe for Small World Connections

CONNECT FOR YOURSELF

USE THE SMALL WORLD PHENOMENON

CONNECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON

CONNECT WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

PROBE FOR CONNECTIONS

Chapter 7: Build Relationships on Actions

SHOW YOU GENUINELY CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE

BUSINESS GIFTS ARE NOT UNSELFISH ACTS

BE ALERT TO OPPORTUNITIES

Chapter 8: Map Your Key Relationships

MAP RELATIONSHIPS WITH FOUR GROUPS

PEOPLE INSIDE THE ORGANIZATION

PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE ORGANIZATION

PEOPLE IMPORTANT TO YOUR CAREER

PEOPLE WHO ARE UPSET WITH YOU

BUILD RELATIONSHIPS STRATEGICALLY

Chapter 9: Hop from One Pyramid to Another

PYRAMID HOPPING IS NOT NETWORKING

FRIENDLY IS NOT THE SAME AS FRIENDSHIP

PYRAMID HOPPING IN PRACTICE

PYRAMID HOPPING REQUIRES QUESTIONS

PYRAMID HOPPING USUALLY REQUIRES SPECIFICS

Chapter 10: Gain Respect Thirteen Ways

IDENTIFY QUALITIES YOU RESPECT

THIRTEEN WAYS TO GAIN RESPECT

EXAMPLES OF BUILDING RESPECT

BE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON

DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL DO

BE KNOWLEDGEABLE, BE INQUISITIVE, OR BE QUIET

CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS; ANGER MANAGES EVERYTHING POORLY

BE HONEST AND STRAIGHTFORWARD

BE OBJECTIVE AND AVOID APPEARING BIASED

BE PERSISTENT, BUT NEVER BE AGGRESSIVE

BE A LEARNED PERSON WITH SOME EXPERTISE

BE COURTEOUS TO EVERYONE

ALWAYS LISTEN INTENTLY TO THE OTHER PERSON

SEEK TO UNDERSTAND OTHER PEOPLE

DO THINGS THAT DEMONSTRATE YOUR UNSELFISH NATURE

FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE WANT, AND HELP THEM GET IT

Chapter 11: Write Clear, Specific Goals

UNDERSTAND YOUR GOAL-SEEKING MECHANISM

GOALS HAVE FIVE CHARACTERISTICS

BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT

WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS

SET GOALS IN LINE WITH YOUR GIFTS

DON’T LET OTHERS DISCOURAGE YOU

TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF YOURSELF

Chapter 12: Maintain Your Meaningful Relationships

CREATE TIME FOR RELATIONSHIPS

HELP OTHERS TO SUCCEED

KEEP THE DIALOGUE CONTINUAL

MAKE CONTACT WHEN YOU DON’T NEED HELP

Chapter 13: Use Social Media to Build Relationships

THE GOAL IS TO OFFER VALUE

FORM A NETWORK OF RELATIONSHIPS

DON’T FRIEND OR LINK TO EVERYONE

SIX TIPS FOR BETTER SOCIAL MEDIA RELATIONSHIPS

Chapter 14: And What If You’re the Boss?

THE SIX DRIVERS OF BUSINESS SUCCESS

PROBLEMS WITH COMMAND AND CONTROL

JOB SATISFACTION AND DISSATISFACTION

PROBLEMS WITH SALES TRAINING

SELLING IS LEARNING AND TEACHING

WHAT MANAGERS SHOULD BE DOING

A COACHING PROCESS FOR RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPMENT

BUILD RELATIONSHIPS ROUTINELY, CONSCIOUSLY, DELIBERATELY

Notes

Chapter 1 Relationships Are Everything

Chapter 3 How to Build a Relationship

Chapter 4 Ask the Twenty Questions

Chapter 5 Ask the Questions Properly

Chapter 6 Probe for Small World Connections

Chapter 7 Build Relationships on Actions

Chapter 8 Map Your Key Relationships

Chapter 9 Hop from One Pyramid to Another

Chapter 10 Gain Respect Thirteen Ways

Chapter 11 Write Clear, Specific Goals

Chapter 12 Maintain Your Meaningful Relationships

Chapter 13 Use Social Media to Build Relationships

Chapter 14 And What If You’re the Boss?

Index

Copyright © 2011 by Jerry Acuff. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey. Published simultaneously in Canada.

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ISBN 978-0-470-91547-9 (paper); ISBN 978-1-118-01653-4 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-01654-1 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-01655-8 (ebk)

Preface

This book originally came about because a group vice president at Pfizer asked me to give some thought to ways sales representatives could spend more time with their customers.

In the pharmaceutical industry, salespeople typically spend only two to three minutes actually talking to a doctor. What can you say in that time? “HiI’mJerryAcuffandIwanttotellyouallaboutournew drug.…” It’s not very effective. I thought there had to be some way that sales representatives could spend more quality time with prospects, customers, and colleagues.

Thinking about Pfizer’s challenge on the plane home, I thought about the unpublished book that my friend Peter Ciano and I wrote. We called it What Momma Never Taught You and we included short chapters on life’s great truths—including “If They Like You, You Have a Shot.”

Our premise in that chapter was that the quality and richness of our relationships determine in many ways the quality and richness of our lives, both professionally and personally. The more great relationships we have, the more fulfilled we are. Strong relationships are not the only measure of success and happiness, but they certainly help determine our success and happiness.

That caused me to think about the kinds of relationships you could have with another human being. It seems to me there are six possibilities, from people who do not even know your name to those who value a close, personal relationship with you. It was obvious that as you move through these six relationship levels, you have fewer and fewer relationships at the higher levels. Hence, a Relationship Pyramid is formed, with big numbers at the bottom and small numbers at the top.

I told the Pfizer executive what I believed: If you enhance the relationship, customers will give you more time. Of course, if you offer something unique and interesting to customers, they will also give you more time. The problem with the second strategy is that as soon as you’ve given them something unique and interesting, you’re back looking for something else unique and interesting. I wouldn’t reject that strategy, but I wouldn’t rely on it. On the other hand, if you are at the top of someone’s Relationship Pyramid, he or she will spend time with you because they value the relationship.

I assumed that somebody had already answered the question of how to actually build a strong, positive relationship; perhaps in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People; Les Giblin’s How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People; Nicholas Boothman’s How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less; or Leil Lowndes’s How to Be a People Magnet.

I studied these and every other book that seemed to promise an answer. The books are full of good, solid advice. They all say you have to be other-focused. They all say you have to learn what your customers want. They all say you have to do things for customers. Their suggestions are, for the most part, unimpeachable.

But they do not offer a specific, concrete relationship-building process, so I created one and you now hold a description of it with suggestions on how to make the most of it.

The process is, as you will see, one that virtually anyone can use. You need not be gregarious, outgoing, and extraverted to be great at building relationships. You do not have to be a salesperson, a manager, or even, for that matter, in business.

You do have to believe that relationships are important. You do have to learn what interests other people. And if you do the inexpensive, unexpected, and thoughtful acts that show your professionalism, integrity, caring, and knowledge, you will be successful.

Companies did not teach relationship-building in the past because the ideas were neither actionable nor measurable. The process I describe here is both actionable and measurable. It’s not perfect, and it does not work with everyone (but then, what does?), and you don’t have any idea how long it will take with any given individual. So it should come as no surprise that building a positive relationship is like every other people skill—dating and parenting, as two other examples.

This is the third edition of The Relationship Edge. The process I developed has hardly changed, but the technology and the social media available have changed dramatically. Sites like LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and dozens of others mean that you have opportunities to identify and connect with people in ways that simply were not possible when this book was first published. Because relationship-building is a process with specific, concrete steps, almost everyone can learn it. If you consciously practice the strategies this book teaches, you will find yourself at the top of the Relationship Pyramid with many more people than you are today. And once there, I trust you will find—as I have—a richer, happier, and more enjoyable life.

Acknowledgments

Writing a book, I have discovered, is the personification of team effort. It may begin with ideas and concepts, but it will never become a reality without the unselfish help and support of many, many people. With that in mind, I want to record for posterity many of the people who made this book possible.

First, I must acknowledge Wally Wood for working with me over all these months to take my ideas (and many of his) and write them in a way that makes me very proud. Wally will always be at the top of my Relationship Pyramid. Second, I must thank Wally’s wife, Marian Wood, for her support and contributions to the book and her willingness to do whatever we needed to make the book better. Mary Maki had the arduous task of trying to decipher my English in order to create the transcripts that Wally and I worked from. The people at John Wiley & Sons did what publishers do. Shannon Vargo, though, has helped shape this book and my thinking about the ideas in this book and I am grateful for her honesty, insight, and guidance. She is at the top of my Pyramid.

Many people agreed to be interviewed and have their stories told, and it is their stories that make the concepts come alive. To everyone we write about, thank you for being a very important part of this book.

Since this book is the result of all my experiences and learnings over the years, I must take this opportunity to thank and acknowledge those whose guidance, support, and relationships with me have shaped who I am and what I believe.

My father, Gerald Sr., and my brothers and sisters (Jan, Jude, Joanne, and Tracey) have been a source of support and love and learning that have enriched me beyond words. My children, Laura and Ryan, inspire me and humble me and I am honored to be their Dad. My wife, Maryann, is the nicest person I ever met and an incredible life partner. Her love, support, and advice in many ways made this book possible and as an editor, mother, and partner she may be without equal. Joan and Mike Molocznik deserve special mention for all they have done to help my family, my business, and me. All in-laws should be modeled after Joanie and Mike, and their son and my brother-in-law Michael is the best.

There are a number of people who touched my life in ways they may not even know, realize, or understand, but without them I am not who or what I am today. Bud Garrett, my junior high school coach, is the greatest builder of people I met in the first 25 years of my life. Jim Crutchfield, Gene Vezina, and Don Cutcliff were my first three bosses—the best trio of business leaders and motivators a person could ever work for. For 14 years, I learned at their feet, and all three know how to bring out greatness in others. Their lasting influence on me is immeasurable. My first sales district, The Generals (John Fuqua, Frank Tortorici, Bonita Crowe, Van Walker, Vikki Thomas, Danny Craven, Pat Kelly, Brenda Scott, David Snow, Mike Northington, Wyatt Wilson, Chris Free, Joey Smelser, Debra Hulett, Sarah Tant, and Ed Cannon). Working with these people over eight years was the best working experience of my life and I will always be a General. A special note must be written about John Fuqua, my first hire. He has been my close friend for 23 years and he taught me more about building business relationships than any other single person. He is what this book is about and it is why he is such an extraordinary salesperson and sales manager.

I also want to thank a few of my clients, who have not only helped me learn and grow but who have impacted me professionally and personally. David Snow, Mike Tilton, Jesus Leal, Gary Casto, Mike Weber, Clarissa Etter-Smith, Dave Bonnell, Frank Amato, Lori Tierney, and Joe Canning are at the top of my Relationship Pyramid and their leadership wisdom inspires me. To Peter Ciano, my great friend, thank you for your friendship and for writing with me What Mamma Never Taught You. The chapter in that unpublished book is what started all of this. To Mark Cohen, my best friend of 25 years, I owe so much. He naturally builds relationships as well as anyone on the planet. He and Lynne have been so supportive and helpful and have encouraged me at all the right times. Mark is integrity personified, and anyone who knows him knows that Mark is the quintessential gentleman.

The final acknowledgment goes to my alma mater, the Virginia Military Institute (VMI). It was a great experience to attend a school with great teachers, John G. Barrett, especially, and great people (my roommates, Tommy Lawson, Mike Strickland, Mark Palmer, and Ken Coleman). It was there I met “Rooster” (Jim Westbrook) and “Aragon” (Dick Randolph)—two cadets who would become lifelong friends as my roommates have. It was there that I learned the power of friendship, relationships, learning, and striving. It was at VMI that I learned “You may be whatever you resolve to be.” If you resolve to be an author and you are blessed by God to have great family, friends, business associates, and teachers, you can do just that.

I thank you all.

Chapter 1

Relationships Are Everything

We all would like an edge in life, a quality or factor that makes us superior in performance, in ability, in achievement. Strong, positive relationships with other people—associates, superiors, customers, family members, and casual acquaintances—give us that edge. When I ask seminar groups, “How important are relationships in your business?” most answer, “Relationships are everything” or “Nothing is more important.” It’s hardly news that your relationships—positive or negative—affect your business and personal life profoundly.

What is news these days, however, is that the way we establish, build, and maintain relationships is being affected in a big way by social media—LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and scores of other sites.

True, you cannot put up a LinkedIn or Facebook profile and expect positive relationships to follow automatically. You have to do a lot more work. On the other hand, if you expect to increase and improve your business relationships, you cannot ignore social media or underestimate the importance of technology and the role it will play in relationship development from now on. Your presence on the Web doesn’t have to be major (although that wouldn’t hurt), but you have to be there. In today’s world you need these three things: a process to build a positive relationship, a meaningful presence on the Web, and a mastery of how best to use technology to build, maintain, and leverage relationships.

And not just any relationship. The whole idea of the Relationship Edge process is to help you connect with people with whom you don’t naturally connect. You don’t need this process to build relationships with people you naturally connect with because the process happens instantaneously and without effort. But when you don’t naturally connect with somebody—a prospect, a customer, a colleague, a manager—that’s when you need a process in order to increase the likelihood that you will connect.

Based on my experience and very informal research, many of us are able to connect naturally with something like 25 out of 100 people. If you use this process, you may be able to increase that to 40 or 50 out of 100, a huge success. The real value in the Relationship Edge process is having a systematic way to engage with people with whom we don’t naturally connect—people we meet for the first time, people we don’t know well, and people we haven’t connected with in the past. Because nothing is more important than positive relationships in your business life (or personal life, for that matter), and having a solid process you can count on to establish, build, and maintain relationships is invaluable.

BREATHE AIR INTO RELATIONSHIPS

Before I talk about the process you can use to build a relationship with virtually anyone, however, I should define what I mean by a valuable business relationship. I contend it’s those that have lots of AIR—Access, Impact, and Results.

By “Access” I mean that when you have a valuable business relationship with people, they will take your calls, they will answer your messages, they will see you because they believe there’s a value in doing so. They believe time spent with you will not be wasted. They believe you offer more than idle chatter. You are a source of news, information, ideas, suggestions, possibilities, options, contacts, insights, skills, abilities, experiences, or all of the above. At the same time, they see you as an exceptional listener; you pay attention to what they say, ask questions, and demonstrate that you’ve heard and understand them. They may not respond to you or see you immediately because of the urgent pressures or realities in their lives, but they will see you.

Of course, many people will see you, in either a business or in a selling situation, but at their convenience. They will see anybody else as well for the reasons I just listed, but they do not regard you as special and you may have to wait until it suits their schedule, which may be in a week or in a month. You do not, by my definition, have Access. When you say you have Access to somebody, it means that if you need him (or her), you are 100 percent certain you can reach him in a reasonable time.

“Impact” means you have an opportunity to affect those people you reach and influence their actions. When you have a valuable business relationship with people, you believe—based on their behavior and your past experience—that they are going to listen to what you say, and that what you say can, and often will, influence their actions. Not every time, but whenever it makes sense to them and the action is one that will benefit them.

But even when the transaction is more abstract—you bring new information, no money changes hands—there can be value. The information helps your client do a better job, stay abreast of industry trends, be alert to new possibilities.…something

And what do you get out of it? An improved relationship and an opportunity to return in the future.

Finally, “Results” is the most important part of the acronym. Many people say to me, “I have a great relationship with so-and-so.” But when I probe, I discover that what they have is a good rapport. They have a pleasant friendship. They don’t have a valuable business relationship.

When we have valuable business relationships with people, they are doing things proactively to help us succeed. (Note, by the way, that this applies to our relationship with team members, colleagues, and employees; I am not talking in this book about only salespeople and customers.) The results from those activities should be materially greater than what you get from people with whom you don’t have a valuable business relationship. Moreover, they should be measurable.

For example, I once called on a Birmingham physician who did not treat the kind of patients who needed the pharmaceutical I was selling. I could not, therefore, use sales results with this doctor as a barometer of success because he wasn’t prescribing what I sold. What I could use, however, was how he proactively helped me succeed. He introduced me to almost every physician in Birmingham who was important for me to meet, who did treat patients who needed our medication but who would not ordinarily spend time seeing pharmaceutical salespeople. That was a measurable result of my success with him and proof that he valued a relationship with me.

All salespeople have examples of customers with whom they’ve built relationships, customers who buy their product or service because they find value in the relationship. But there can be valuable business relationships where the results are not as easily measured as units or dollars.

I am going to assume throughout this book that most customers have options among products and services. These may not be exact equivalents in features, benefits, and price, but they are close enough that a salesperson’s knowledge, empathy, and assistance can highlight the differences between one offering and another to the benefit of one he or she is selling.

I often hear sales executives say, “Well, my sales rep has a great relationship with this customer, but they’re not using any of our stuff.” Or “They’re not using much of our stuff.”

I always say, “Then the rep doesn’t have a valuable business relationship.”

Time after time, when I force salespeople to look at their relationships through this prism, they replace “I have great relationships with 50, 60, 70 percent of my customers” with “I have great relationships with maybe 10 or 15 percent.”

The point here is that if you don’t know your destination, you don’t know when you’ve arrived. You need to know what you’re looking for in a valuable business relationship. Because if you think you have a great relationship with people but it lacks Access, Impact, and Results, it’s not a relationship they truly value. Without AIR, things you do with them and for them are probably not going to be very effective.

LEARN TO BUILD RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are the basic unit of every business—positive relationships with customers, employees, and suppliers. A business grows as it adds positive relationships, improves its network of relationships, and then enhances the quality of those relationships. Without positive relationships, a business will not grow. Obviously some businesses (management consultants, accountants, lawyers) depend more heavily on personal relationships with their customers than others (discount chains, self-serve gas stations, and direct marketing firms). Nonetheless, relationships with other people are critical to every business. (Ask Walmart’s management whether relationships with employees and suppliers are important.)

As an individual, you grow in your career as you expand and improve your network of relationships with co-workers, managers, customers, and prospects. If you are a project manager or work in a cross-functional team, you probably have much responsibility but little authority. You can do your job well only through your relationships with others in the organization. If those relationships are strong and positive, you can be effective. If those relationships are indifferent or, worse, negative, you can’t get anything done.

If you have superior relationships with key business contacts—customers, co-workers, and managers—you will, almost automatically, be more successful in your business life, assuming you know how to nurture and leverage those relationships. Certainly the converse is true: When you have poor relationships with customers, co-workers, and managers, your business life suffers (not to mention your personal life).

The key words here are consciously, systematically, and routinely. Building business relationships that last is a skill anyone can learn. It requires a process you can master, since you already know instinctively what the process requires. Adopt the simple steps this book will teach you, and your business and personal relationships will improve. I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times with people I have managed and counseled.

The three steps in the process, which I’ll describe in the chapters ahead, are:

1.Have the right mind-set. You must think that relationships are important. You must believe you are someone with whom other people would want to have a relationship. Why? Because you have experience, training, skills, abilities, knowledge, other relationships (or all six) they value. You must also think well of others and learn to think as much as you can from the other person’s point of view.

2.Ask the right questions. You must also ask them in the right way for the right reasons. In a later chapter, you will find specific questions and the principles behind them. The goal is to discover common ground—mutual friends, interests, or concerns. Or if there is no obvious common ground and the other person cares passionately for something about which you know little, the goal is to learn from him or her.

3.Do the right thing. Demonstrate your professionalism, integrity, caring, and knowledge, and, when appropriate, do inexpensive, unexpected, and thoughtful acts based on what you’ve learned about the other person. This process may be simple in outline, but it takes weeks or even months of thought and care to apply it properly.

Why bother to improve your relationships? The cold, hard truth is that the quality of our personal and professional relationships in many ways determines the quality of our lives. Not in every way, of course, but in many. The more high-quality personal and professional relationships we have, the more easily we will sell our products, our ideas, ourselves—and the more rewarding, fulfilling, and successful our lives tend to be. The ability to build and maintain high-quality business relationships has no down side and an up side that knows no limits. Take Mike Accardi, a friend of mine from high school.

PAYBACK TIME IN MEMPHIS

Mike has been a commissioned salesman for Wurzburg, Inc., a packaging supply distributor in Memphis, Tennessee, for many years. Although he is now very successful, it was not always that way. Two months after he started working for the company, the Accardi family’s kitchen blender broke. “We were dirt poor,” says Mike. “We couldn’t afford a new blender, so I told my wife, I go out to this area of town every Tuesday where there’s a Sunbeam/Oster repair shop.”

The older gentleman at the shop said he could repair the blender, and Mike explained that because he was in the area every Tuesday he’d pick it up on his next run. The following Tuesday, the blender was ready and the bill was $2.50. Mike could not believe the repair cost so little, but the man said it was no big deal. Mike recalls saying, “Sir, you don’t understand how big a deal it is to me to have this repaired. I can pay you the $2.50, and I appreciate it. But I tell you what, I don’t know if you do any packaging or shipping out of here, but let me return the favor. If you ever need anything, call me and I’ll see that you don’t pay list price.”

Mike began stopping by the shop the second Tuesday of every month just to say hello and visit for a bit. Mike knew that the business would never be a major customer, but he enjoyed building the relationship. Over the next two years, the man ordered perhaps a case of tape, two cases of padded envelopes, and a few bundles of 25 boxes. One Tuesday the man asked, “Do you have a few minutes today?” Mike said, “Sure. I come here to give you my time. I have as much time as you need.”

“Let’s get in your car. I want to show you something.” They drove to the northern part of the city as Mike asked, “Where are we going?”

“Don’t worry about it, I want to show you something.” They pulled into the parking lot of what was to become a million-square-foot building. Mike asked, “What is this?”

“This is payback.”

“What are you talking about?”

“For two years, you’re the only salesperson that’s treated me like I was worth anything. Now it’s payback. Sunbeam’s headquarters in Chicago is closing, and they’re moving everything here. So get your business cards and come with me.” He took Mike to every department, and said, “This is Mike Accardi. You buy all your packaging supplies from him.”

Until Sunbeam left Memphis 12 years later, Mike had enough orders to deliver a 40-foot trailer of packaging supplies every week. Mike’s customers were so loyal to him that when his competitors asked to speak to someone about Sunbeam’s packaging needs, the Sunbeam people would give them Mike’s card. When a competitor asked, “What’s this?” Mike’s customers would say, “You want to talk to whoever handles our packaging.”

The salespeople would then say something like, “No, no, you don’t understand. That’s our competitor.”

And Mike’s customers would respond with something like, “No, you don’t understand. That’s who handles our packaging. If you have an idea, give it to him and he’ll bring it to us.”

When Sunbeam left Memphis, the department heads, assistants, and janitors found new jobs, but Mike maintained the relationships he’d built. Although in the metropolitan area accounts generally go to the salesperson who develops the business, former Sunbeam executives would call Mike’s company to say, “Tell Accardi to come see me at this new business.” On occasion, this has meant strained relations with Mike’s friends in his own company. Other salespeople have lost accounts because a customer insisted, “I’m not going to deal with anybody other than Mike Accardi.”

RELATIONSHIPS CAN TRUMP PRICE

Not only can the Relationship Edge help you build your career, it can help you keep the business you now have. Take Bob Holman’s experience.

Bob is president of Donaldson, Holman & West, PC, a firm of certified public accountants in Birmingham, Alabama. Several years ago, one of the firm’s staff accountants left to join the local branch of a larger, international CPA firm. Following normal procedure, the firm’s management asked their new employee about the substantial, profitable DH&W clients with whom she had worked with an eye toward soliciting their business. Armed with the information, the former employee and her new employer visited one large DH&W client and reportedly said in effect, “As an international organization, we can give you the same or better service than you’ve been getting, and for the next three years we’ll provide that service at 75 percent of what you are paying now. We will give you that as a guarantee. And of course you will have the same person working on your account who already knows your business.”

The client immediately responded with something like, “Thank you very much. That’s very enticing. However, we have a good relationship with our current CPA firm and money is not an issue. Service is important, and we’re getting the service we want, so we’re not interested in changing.”

Bob says that in the world of accounting and the way accountants often seem to compete on price, “It really rang the bell for me how important the relationship is.”

I asked Bob what he thought his client had been talking about, since every CPA—and certainly a large, international firm—offers “service.”

“I think it was a combination of things,” he says. “We were not only doing traditional services for them—tax and audit services—but they were relying on us more or less as a consultant to them in various areas. I don’t want to say that we were going so far as to be on their management team; we were not. But it was very seldom they made a large decision or sometimes even minor decisions without consulting us. We did not socialize with the management there a lot, but they knew we were available, knew we were interested in what they were doing and how they were doing it. We spoke almost every week. They knew we were interested in them personally and knew their families, knew where their kids were in school, and we talked about those things.” In other words, Donaldson, Holman & West were not only professional accountants, they had the Relationship Edge.

Finally, while building strong business relationships is not the same as making friends—the point here is to improve your professional life, not your personal—it can lead to building true, long-lasting friendships.

John Fuqua, an area sales manager in Birmingham for the pharmaceutical company Aventis, told me that building relationships has helped him not only monetarily, but “the fun part of selling anything is when the customer becomes your friend. I have been asked to do a number of things at a personal level I would not have been asked to do if I hadn’t been a friend as well as being a person who happens to sell something customers like and recommend. I’ve been in weddings. I’ve been a pallbearer at funerals. I’ve been asked to do talks at their children’s schools. It’s a great feeling to know I can pick up the phone and reach someone even though they are busy people.” Which illustrates Access in addition to John’s friendship.

FOUR FUNDAMENTAL SELLING TRUTHS

Selling is part of life. I use “selling” here and throughout this book in its broadest possible sense. “Selling” includes not only convincing a prospect or customer to buy your firm’s product or service, but also persuading a manager that your idea is valuable. It includes everything from influencing a client to adopt a new service policy to bringing a co-worker around to your viewpoint. Whether you call it selling, persuasion, convincing, or teaching, really successful people in almost any endeavor rely on it to achieve their goals (which I also talk about in this book).

Consider these four fundamental truths about selling.

1.Without meaningful dialogue there is no selling. There may be buying, but there is no selling. Selling requires a significant exchange between two parties that is rooted in the truth. The buyer has needs, wants, desires. The seller has a solution—a product, a service, an idea, a suggestion. The buyer and seller must communicate so they both understand the need (which, initially, may not even be clear to the buyer) and how the product meets that need. Good relationships facilitate meaningful dialogue.

2.Where trust and rapport are strong, selling pressure will always seem weak.1 If buyers believe the seller has their best interests at heart (always understanding there is something in the exchange for the seller), they listen to the seller’s suggestions and ideas with an open mind. Good relationships build trust and rapport.

3.Where trust and rapport are weak, any selling pressure will appear strong. This perception of pressure, which tends to grow out of distrust, will have a negative effect on sales. A buyer who believes the seller cares only for his or her own interests will be skeptical, even hostile. Poor rapport can mean that instead of two colleagues trying to solve a mutual problem, it will be a cynical seller trying to selfishly foist something onto a gullible buyer. Even if the seller’s solution is appropriate and worthy, it becomes impossible to convince a hostile or indifferent buyer. Good relationships minimize the negativity in a selling situation.

4.The more you learn from customers, clients, and co-workers, the more likely you are to have positive personal relationships with them. The better the personal relationship, the greater the trust and rapport between people.

Think of your own experiences. Have you ever walked away from a sales situation—a car dealership or an appliance showroom—because you just did not trust the salesperson? Conversely, have you ever bought something because a friend recommended it? It felt nothing like sales pressure (your friend was not working for the seller and earned no commission), but she persuaded you. She sold you.

Have you ever recommended something to a friend—a book, a movie, a gadget—because you knew your friend’s tastes and interests and, therefore, had a good idea of what to suggest? Having learned over time to trust your recommendations, your friend picked up the book, went to the movie, bought the gadget. You sold her.

Your goal is to have strong, positive personal relationships with the key people in your business life because they can help you be more effective in selling or persuading. These key people may be customers, clients, co-workers, managers, suppliers, or someone else. Because your situation is unique, of course, you will have to decide who those key figures are. And while it’s not possible to have a strong relationship—one that requires the investment in time and concentration this book prescribes—with every single person in your business life, knowing and applying what you learn here can be the difference between extraordinary success and something much less.

MEANINGFUL DIALOGUE COMES WITH TRUST

In a solid personal relationship, trust and rapport are strong. And where trust and rapport are present, you can have meaningful dialogue. And what do I mean by meaningful dialogue?

In a meaningful dialogue both parties speak the truth. The participants talk about what is real, important, and factual. Relationships and companies are too often ruined because people can’t get at the truth. It’s been written that customers reveal only 20 percent of what they are thinking in a normal sales interaction. They may not actively lie, but they evade, shade, and spin. However, the more truth customers or colleagues are comfortable sharing with you about their problems and concerns, the more likely you and they will be able to solve their problems—if a solution exists.

If potential customers will not share with you the problems they face in their business lives, how can you possibly help solve them? If they will not tell you what they honestly think about your company, your products, and your service, what is the likelihood you can do business with them? (The answer: Very little.)

I find that too many salespeople do not even address this issue. Indeed, some sales executives say in effect, “You’re out there to sell, not to make friends.” Their salespeople do not make it a priority to build personal relationships or to establish a dialogue. Rather, they use what little time they have to tell prospects about their product or service and then leave. They give a monologue and feel they’ve accomplished their goal if they can make it to the pitch’s end without interruption. At best, they only try to guess what prospects truly need.

If the salesperson knows enough about the industry, the prospect’s business, and the competitive situation, the guess may be close to the reality. But it’s still a guess and may be wildly wrong. Even if the guess is correct, if prospects don’t recognize their need, they’re not going to buy. Without a meaningful dialogue, prospects themselves may not understand the issues.

If you can’t get customers to engage in a meaningful dialogue, to tell you the things that are really bothering them, there is little likelihood you will ever move them to your point of view. If you do not have a strong positive relationship, why should someone spend any more time than necessary listening to you? You will always be dealing with smoke and fog because you will not be able to uncover the truth. You end up giving a meaningless (to them) speech rather than having a meaningful conversation.

Accordingly, you want to strive for a better business relationship because it encourages meaningful dialogue. When you have a good relationship, the other person listens to you differently. He or she shares more openly. In a good relationship (think about your own good relationships, business or personal), when the other person talks, you pay attention. You are not immediately skeptical, looking for the hidden agenda, expecting a trick.

Similarly, you expect colleagues with whom you have a positive relationship to listen to you because they know they can trust what you say. They will give you the time to hear you out (usually). They expect you to tell the truth and want you to challenge them when you don’t agree with or understand something they say—just as they feel free to question whatever you say.

Good business relationships will not do your selling or persuading for you. You still must explain the features and benefits, the service requirements, the contractual obligations, the time line, all the myriad details of the product or service or idea you’re trying to sell. But a good relationship will allow you to get a fair hearing with a meaningful dialogue for your ideas, plans, and proposals. People who like, respect, and trust you want to hear what you have to say. Ultimately, they buy more or accept more because they listen differently—better, perhaps, or more profoundly—than when they are indifferent or hostile.

At the same time, because you’re building a long-term relationship, you don’t sell them something you know they cannot use or is inappropriate for their situation. You don’t sell them something inappropriate even if your company has put an extra commission on the product to move it. You don’t sell them something inappropriate even if you are one sale short of winning the “Salesman of the Quarter” plaque. Not even if this project will be the difference between making a profit for the year and breaking even.

You don’t knowingly do something inappropriate unless you want to chip away at or destroy the trust and respect you’ve been able to build. You don’t do it because it isn’t right for the other person. It takes time and effort to reach the top of the Relationship Pyramid and you don’t want to slide back down through one selfish or thoughtless act.

What, you ask, is a Relationship Pyramid? Good question. It’s the subject of the next chapter.

Chapter 2

Climb the Relationship Pyramid

The Relationship Pyramid, which illustrates the relationships you can have with another human being, has six levels (see Figure 2.1). The relationships form a Pyramid because a great many people, literally billions, form the base—the people who do not even know your name—and relatively few are at the peak—the people who truly value a relationship with you.

I’ll talk in a moment about the levels and how you move from one to the next, but I should make it clear immediately that these levels are not always as precisely divided as the illustration makes them appear. While there’s a clear demarcation between the bottom level and the first (someone either knows your name or doesn’t), the five positive levels tend to shade into one another. The line between the people who like you and the people who are friendly with you, for example, is more like a gray area than a sharp division.

Figure 2.1 The Relationship Pyramid

Another key point: Getting to the top of the Relationship Pyramid is a long-term proposition. Moving to the top of the Pyramid does not happen overnight. The only way to get people to respect you overnight is either you have some specialized and extraordinary knowledge that they respect when they first meet you or you do something so cataclysmic (such as pulling them from a burning building) it causes them to look at you differently. In day-to-day dealings, you have to put in the time and effort to get someone to respect you or to value a relationship with you.

Finally, it is a lot easier to come down the Pyramid than to go up, which is another way of saying that it’s a lot easier to lose someone’s trust and respect than to earn it. It can take months to reach the top, but you can destroy someone’s trust and respect overnight. If you say “We’ll have it to you by next Friday,” you’d better have it there by next Friday. If not, you risk losing some trust.

Interestingly, often you don’t have to give next Friday as the deadline anyway. You could say Friday after next; the client does not care. But if you set your own deadline and then miss it, the client will care. If you can’t do something when you say you’ll do it, don’t say you will. Whenever your actions are disconnected from your words (or your intentions), you lose respect. Once you have positive relationships, cherish them because you can ruin them very, very quickly.

If do you have a good relationship and are high on the Pyramid, you may be granted a greater degree of forgiveness when something does go wrong, as things almost inevitably do. Friends are more willing to forgive mistakes because they see them as anomalies, not patterns. For example, if someone doesn’t know you well and you do not return a call, the person you’ve slighted may assume that is your pattern of behavior. If you have a good relationship with someone, however, and do not return a call, the person understands that is not your typical behavior and looks for another explanation. When you have a good relationship, you get more forgiveness.

Which suggests another important point: Many times you can dramatically improve your relationship by the way you handle adversity. You have said the product will be delivered on Friday, but through no fault of yours (there’s a fire at the plant, a wildcat strike, the truck breaks down) you learn on Wednesday it will not make the deadline. The way you handle the situation to inform the customer promptly and make alternate arrangements can dramatically change the nature of your relationship for the better.

THE RELATIONSHIP PYRAMID LEVELS

At the bottom level are the people who don’t know you by name. If you meet these people outside of the work environment, they may not recognize you, or may recognize you but will not know your name.

People who know you by name make up the level above the base. These people call you by name every time you see them in the office setting. Also, if you meet people you know at this basic level outside the work environment, they know who you are and remember your name.

People who like you. At this level, you’ve begun to have a positive relationship. You feel, based on some evidence, that these people are comfortable when you are around. They smile and acknowledge you when you arrive but don’t spend much time in personal conversation. Talk focuses on business.

People who are friendly with you. At this level, you know and discuss routinely what is of special interest to the other person—hobbies, sports, books, movies, concerns. You have identified common interests and are beginning to share more personal information with each other on an ongoing basis.

People who respect you. This is based on what they say and how they treat you, not just how you feel about them. When you reach this level on the Pyramid, people see you differently than they see others in your position. For example, if you are in sales, they regard you as more than a “typical” sales person. If you are co-workers, they think of you as a true associate and collaborator. They view you as a person of integrity. They come to you for advice within your defined area of expertise, knowing that you will help if you can.

People who value a relationship with you. These are the relatively few people who come to you for advice or help in solving problems that are not necessarily within your defined area of expertise. When you are at the top of someone’s Pyramid, your relationship has lots of AIR – Access, Impact, Results. These people will take your calls, listen to what you say, and act on it. They will gladly introduce you to a colleague with a recommendation. You share a level of mutual trust. You share knowledge and feel safe with each other. People who value a relationship with you believe it’s in their best interest to have a relationship with you and will proactively help you succeed.

Advance to the Next Level

Moving from the bottom level—people who don’t know you by name—is the easiest level to advance from and one of the most important. Everything starts to change when they know and remember who you are. If you call prospects, clients, co-workers by name every time you see them, they will (in most cases) become uncomfortable in not knowing your name and ultimately will reciprocate by learning it.

You can prompt the learning by offering a mnemonic trick that will help them remember. On meeting someone for the first time, writer Wally Wood introduces himself by saying, “I’m Wally Wood from Hollywood.” People are more likely to remember that than a simple “Wally Wood.” It also often leads to the question, “Are you really from Hollywood?” He’s not, but it becomes a conversation starter. The point is: Make it easy for people to remember who you are.

In business, you ought to know someone’s name immediately because it’s on the office door, engraved on a nameplate on the desk, and, sometimes, printed on the nametag the person wears. The other person also ought to know yours, especially when you’re wearing a visitor’s tag and after you’ve exchanged cards. Nevertheless, the first step in building a business relationship is to have somebody not just look at your name but remember it. Always start by using the other person’s name immediately. Here are some hints to help you remember the names of people you meet.

Repeat the name when you meet the person.Think of this name as something important to remember (it usually is). If you tell yourself it’s important to remember a name, you are more prone to focus and commit it to memory.When someone gives her (or his) name, try to think of something about that name that will help you remember it. You might verbalize the connection when meeting the person: “My best friend in grammar school was named Sue.” Or you have an aunt named Sue who traveled all over the country. If you can’t think of someone you know with a similar name, try to commit something to memory about the name: Richard—remembering this will help make you rich. Steven—even Steven—even you can remember the name Steven.