The six pillars of life E-Book

Maximilian Malchiner

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 120

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

How frustrating it is when, as a seemingly successful person, you have achieved everything, yet life feels unfulfilling. When uncertainty sets in. When unhappiness prevails. When everything seems out of balance. More and more people are losing their equilibrium as they sacrifice certain aspects of their lives on the altar of a high standard of living. Success and outcome-focused thinking are not everything. If your quality of life matters to you, this book presents a possible path. While everyone in the world is driven by the pursuit of happiness, only a few manage to truly attain it. To be happy, it is crucial to have a good relationship with oneself, with life itself, specifically with the Six Bastions of Life. The provided self-reflection questions assist readers in examining their integrity and stability within these areas.

Leseprobe

CONTENTS

The starting point

Our present world

VUCA-World

The psyche

A trap set by the brain

The change

The two types

‘The Secret’ of success…

Faith

Willpower

The regularities of the self

Energy

Decisions

The power of our thoughts

Time

How do you spend your time?

Phases of our life

Happiness

Burn-Out

Mindfulness

Relationships

Relationships II.

Relationships III.

Checklist and workbook regarding well-being

Closing words

Literature

THE STARTING POINT

On a warm Friday afternoon in the spring of 2006, after a day of immensely exhausting sessions, my colleague and I arrived late at the Prague airport, facing the usual weekend crowd. During the long lasting and nerve-wracking security check, we kept counting our time: it was nearly boarding, and we did not even know where the terminal was, where we were likely going to rush to. Under pressure, time shortens to seconds. Every moment out of our control seems to be everlasting. Finally at the display board we realized the terminal was ten minutes walking distance. We started to run, dragging our suitcases behind us, making our way through the strolling crowd. Suddenly, I felt like I was not able to go on anymore – I had to stop; I could not take a single step. My colleague ahead looked back at me, he did not understand what was happening. He could not feel the tremendous pressure I felt inside. No matter how much I wanted to, I was not able to move… Eventually, of course, we made it to the plane. I was sitting devastated at the window while for the first time in my life a voice in my head kept repeating louder and louder: Why? Why are you doing this?

At that time, seen from the outside, I was living an enviable life. I had been happily married for seventeen years, I had a beautiful family with three children and my wife who was a doctor. Following a particularly successful acting career, through the second phase of my life, I was the CEO of a billionaire media company. I spent my days on business trips, one week in New York, the next in Shanghai and further across Europe. I had a driver waiting for me every morning in front of the house. I have been involved in sports since childhood. My life was defined by martial arts, horse riding and yoga. Seen from the outside I had the image of a successful and happy man. However, inside I had just started to slide down a slope, which was manifested both by a definite loss of self-control and by physical symptoms.

When things work according to plan, we tend to be perfectly satisfied. But when they start to deviate from the normal, then we have to make a decision. Pilots call this a decision point .

Which moments do you remember of your life? Those of routine when everything went well. Or those unexpected moments when something happened that have generated a change? Our personality always develops through extraordinary moments. When the usual order collapses, and we must strive to create something new.

In those moments, the question is whether one can take control over this condition or rather let the circumstances rule the situation. These ‘decision points’ usually come unexpectedly thus we are caught unprepared. Mostly we are surprised by these sudden realizations. We wish to avoid failure, so we are not willing to change and evolve, and that is the biggest mistake we make. We do not recognize internal and external events. We lose the dialogue within our lives.

There are two types of such dialogues: external and internal.

External dialogue concerns our manner of dialogue towards OTHERS.

In case of internal reflection, we must analyze our connection towards the six main fields within our lives. I call these fields the

SIX PILLARS OF LIFE.

The integrity of these pillars determines the completeness of your life, without them, you cannot be fulfilled or happy.

This book requires effort from you. While reading, you need to pay attention and to interpret both yourself and your environment to integrate its understanding into your life.

‘A man must also know what he wants and know what he can do: only then will he show character and only then can he do something right.’

SCHOPENHAUER

OUR PRESENT WORLD

T his book invites you on a personal journey, and we are going to visit several areas, some of which you might have been already familiar with, but you have not properly comprehended them yet. It is intended for people who are willing to achieve success and results through their lives while valuing the quality of their being.

Before embarking on this journey, it is essential to clarify a few important concepts, to summarize the social and scientific facts and knowledge that underlie this book, and to describe the characteristics of our current world.

In our modern society, the ideal person is one who thinks and acts rationally. However, unfortunately such an attitude is more of an exception than the rule. Most of our decisions are made unconsciously and unaware. Consciousness only means to reinforce the decision with arguments. Ultimately our unconscious is predominant.

It is no coincidence that 21st-century companies shape their products and services to have an unconscious effect on consumers. The foundation of modern functioning lies in the arsenal of psychological effects and methods.

Our lifestyle today puts tremendous demands on the human psyche. Our brain has never been assaulted by so many stimuli as it is now – and it is a growing tendency. Our limited capacity of consciousness is about to outreach its limits. Most professions today require an utmost presence of consciousness. This condition leads to quick exhaustion; therefore the brain tends to rely on the so-called autopilot. Its task is to filter and automatically process the easily interpretable impulses. As a result, we make unconscious decisions about these impulses, and only then do they flow towards our conscious thinking. In case of decision-making situations, consciousness only shows thumbs up or down.

VUCA world

I have started to work on this subject way before the emergence of the Covid pandemic. Then it stormed into our lives, leaving a previously unimaginable twelve months behind.

Lately our world has been described by the acronym VUCA, a world of stress and the constant pressure to accomplish. Lockdown, distancing, mask-wearing and the invisible but profound fear of death have created a depressing ambience among people. The acronym VUCA was first used in the 1990s by American soldiers to describe an uncertain combat situation. Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity.

And it perfectly describes this period of our time.

Most experts agree on the fact that we are facing one of the greatest upheavals throughout human history. Digitalization has led to a worldwide tangle that would have been unthinkable in the past.

The psyche

We are supposed to shape our identity between the digital and analog realities. And that can be terribly unsettling in lack of a sound personality. Despite the constant challenges through human history, our psyche has kept working based on the same principles for thousands of years. And it would take another thousands of years to fundamentally change those principles. This serves a sufficient cause for our digital society to use the existent scientific ascertainments as principles regarding our psyche.

A trap set by the brain

Our self-image is shaped by both experiences, behavior and memories. Our brain consistently strives to preserve all information, attitude and experiences, thereby reducing the risk of becoming incapacitated. The problem is that it further prevents significant changes in our attitude and behavior by making our inner reminders coherent. It does not merely reject significant changes but consistently evaluates them negatively. Thus, it leads us back to the habitual, but possibly not required behavior.

We may call it a cognitive immune system. This cognitive immune system functions as a guardian over the psyche.

Why does it function this way though? Recognizing patterns and the related form of behavior helps the brain to save energy. Since the brain is the most energy-demanding organ of our body, the control over its energy consumption is essential. Evolution has shaped both our conscious and unconscious to support the energy conservation of the brain.

We use our consciousness solely to analyze detected information. Primarily we act based on routine and unconsciousness.

The change

Scientific research shows that a new attitude would become interiorized as both the recently developed and the so far existent abilities are positively confirmed by the external. Therefore, understanding our own abilities is crucial.

Self-awareness is essential in order to have a sound personality, as the permanency of our world is not guaranteed anymore. The only way to change habitual behavior and to develop functioning relationships is by being aware of our strengths and incapacities.

‘What I don’t perceive or know about myself, I project onto others’ – says Anselm Grün when he speaks about the importance of the relationship within us. Therefore, self-awareness is not merely the foundation of developing external relationships, but it also serves as a first step towards our own personal development. I can only take conscious control over my behavior once I have recognized my patterns.

The two types

Impulsive actions are preceded by a personal experience of lack. Experiencing such a situation as a trial would be a responsible attitude. Having a sense of responsibility reduces the perception of overburden and enables one to assess the difficulty calmly and thoughtfully. It helps to accept and to eliminate the sense of lack through compromise, delegation or consensus, either by oneself or with external help. People who have a sense of responsibility usually do not lose self-control. Furthermore, most of them can reach the state of flow.

Interesting how the notion ‘responsibility’ frightens many people. Albeit the root of the word is ‘response’. Namely to respond to a certain difficulty or challenge by becoming responsible for the outcome.

People of the second type lack this sense of responsibility, therefore they act differently. They would not respond to the frustration caused by that sense of lack or by an unfulfilled need. They ignore overburden and respond by escape, defense, offense, numbness, submission, domination or by making an impression on their environment. In most cases these responses are useless. The consequences of losing self-control are weakness and exhaustion, that is further characterized by insults, disappointment, overt confrontations or even a complete breakdown.

As the uncertainty and complexity of the VUCA world nourish the sense of lack of orientation and predictability, we need further skills to handle this feeling in a constructive manner. However, to do this, we need to transform and evolve ourselves.

What does such a transformation mean?

1) In psychoanalysis, transformation refers to the defense mechanism of the ego; 2) in statistics, it means the transformation of variables; 3) in esoteric, transformation refers both to the expansion of the individual consciousness, and to a higher level of the evolution and consciousness of the humankind as a whole (a new era).

During the recent years of coaching and leading self-developmental practices involving thousands of people, I have observed that the last aspect has started to become a central interest for both the individual and the society. An important realization of our time is the understanding of the need for a new type of personage and value system. This need has been further intensified by the effects of the Covid pandemic. This new type of personage bears a higher level of responsibility, it has the ability of self-control and self-reformation, moreover, it strives to create a more supportive, more interconnected, and more conscious impact on its environment and on the world.

The notions of soul and intellect are not as far apart as many would imagine, especially through the success-oriented corporate world. The Latin word spiritus, translated as spirit, bears two meanings. It both refers to the spirit as intelligence and to the spirit as a synonym of soul.

Spirit requires a special consideration and understanding through difficult situations. It is important to detect the rise and origin of any imbalance, to have the capacity to restore the balance again.

‘The Secret’ of success…

I would like to reveal a secret: the so-called ‘secret of success’ does not exist. The secret of success is not a secret as success is based on knowledge. And this knowledge has a formula, as it follows:

Accomplishment potential is the intersection of talent, motivation and behavior including further soft elements that represent our individual potentials.

‘Accomplishment’ is another notion that frightens many, although it includes the word ‘complete’. Namely, whoever strives for completeness, must accomplish first.

An average person utilizes not more than five to ten percent of their accomplishment potential and their set of potentials… What a waste!

By providing this book I wish you to develop a higher level of self-awareness to handle distractions properly and consciously and to aim for completeness without having to waste your energy.

Are you ready?

FAITH

A s an only child, I often played on my own. I was frequently fantasizing and daydreaming, and I impersonated various roles within myself.

I have a memory that made a deep impact on my consciousness. I was on a vacation with my family in Rimini. I was around six years old. We were on a beach, and I was building a sandcastle. As it is usual for children, while playing I kept imagining various dreamlike pictures.

I saw myself as a soldier, as a strong hero.

Suddenly three Italian boys approached me. They were about the same age as me. Following a vigorous dialogue, one of them razed the sandcastle I built.

Have you ever experienced this feeling? The feeling of having your dream filled up with faith being destroyed by others. Interestingly the notion of dream is usually associated with some surreal formation or idea. We think of it as the entanglement of fantasy and reality.

For me, dream has two different meanings. One is the series of images that we experience during a sleep phase, those images transformed from our daily events connecting with our emotions in a way that is often difficult for us to understand.

However, there is another meaning of dream.