The Successful Lady E-Book

Ardita Beqiri

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 285

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by emotions, or have you ever felt like you were not enough, like you did neither have nor the capacity nor the belief in yourself. We have all, in one way or another, been a victim of disgrace to the one reflecting back. Due to certain circumstances, we have all ended up hating, disliking, been annoyed or been sad about or current state. Incongruence. This is not your fault. You have been wired into thinking and behaving in certain way. Mostly unreachable expectations from parents, friends, society and the environment in general, where we focus to much on what is happening on the outside, and to little on what is happening on the inside. Where they made us focus too much on their perceptions and on aspects that was acceptable to them, losing sight of your own emotions, feelings, beliefs and wants. This book is all about this, to change towards the right mentality. The right thinking patterns, behaviour, act, talk and walk towards becoming the one changing all this insecurity you are drowned in. By changing your perception today, you will be able to change your future toward self development by honestly and interdependence together with the TSL organization.

Leseprobe

TSL is all about interdependence:

to rely on one another.

That’s our true vision and mission with this organization.

We found our interdependence in you, and so will you.

Together towards success.

Yours truly,

The founders of TSL.

During this time, while writing this book, I have looked

into my mirror. My mirror reflected the answers I needed

when I was lost; the answers were given from my

reflection. And this is me speaking, talking to my mirror.

Can you hear me? Can you hear me, my better half.

ABOUT THE TSL-ORGANIZATION:

The TSL-organization is built on the mission to significantly increase the awareness in every woman, to make her understand her capacity, capability and belief, even in a dynamic world where we tend to loose more and more of ourselves. It all lies within her. We just want to bring it up to the surface – together – so we end up loving and respecting the one in the mirror.

www.tslorganization.com

Table of Contents

Behind the scenes

My better half

Inside every divergent mind

Part 1: Walking down the memory lane

Start with your mirror

Two Questions to ask yourslef before diving into the book

The power of self-respect

Look deeper within

Part 2: Look Indoors. Your actoins reflects the real you – your thoughts & behaviour reflects the you within

Think

Behave

Act

Part 3: Talk the walk & walk the talk

Talk

Part 4: Walking up the vision lane

As a Conclusion, i want to give you a last motivation

References

BEHIND THE SCENES:

People have closed ones. People tend to be around people who can relate to them – aspects that relate to one another. People with similar values and beliefs are highly preferable, this since they put significance in the same aspects. This is how cultures and cults were formed: beliefs in the same aspects. Human beings put faith in whatever they value, as well as belief in a better future. But that better future does not come without a cost, does it? To fulfill your values and beliefs, you need to work toward fulfilling that belief, which will increase your own value. Since I was a child, I was seldom amongst other children. I was shy, caused by different occasions that traumatized my well being. Having this in consideration, I only had value for one person in this world, and that person was unfortunately not me. It was better half. She was the one I valued, and the one that believed in me. Since I was little, I always admired her charisma. Usually twins can be jealous of one another, but in my case it was never jealousy: it was admiration. I learned from her. I observed and analyzed how everyone reacted in her presence, and took it all in consideration for developing a better me. That is why I valued her: she made every person feel like they were the most important person in her life. Including me. Even if I know that I am one of the ones she loves most in this world, I admired her character. She was so genuine, so real. This made me realize that I do not need to put on different facades or roles just to fulfill others needs. This made me realize that the one that needs to accept me was myself: the person in the mirror. See, one thing she taught me when I was twelve years old was one of the most important lessons: the reason people loved her was because she was empathic, yes, but what increased people’s respect was her self-value, self-confidence and most importantly, her self-respect. Her confidence started with her inside, which is what she tried to teach me. But back then I was insecure. During my childhood I was narrow minded, thought everyone was against me. Even though I have many skeletons in my closet, what I did to myself was worse than what the environment did. Even if they pushed me down, I decided to stay down. So I chose to react rather than being proactive. Unfortunately, this happened more than once. But she was always there, picking up the pieces. Ready to help me regain belief in me. Ready to make me see my own value. Which I saw. Repeatedly. Build, and destroyed, and then built again. Everything to fulfill their needs. This was my childhood experience in short. But, her reflection never changed. And eventually, I learned to form my own reflection, with both self-belief and self-value. Even though my environment dragged me down, I taught myself to be proactive and work towards it – to overcome it all, to show what I am capable of. But here is the thing: I showed myself. She was my cause to start believing, which is why I needed to be around her always. She gave me strength, until I found my own strength. She was my cure, until I found it within. And she was my mirror, until I found my own reflection close to hers.

Here is the deal. I was insecure and my whole childhood went by looking for my true identity. With other words, I had identity crisis, constantly trying to fulfill the needs of others, where I always ended up sadder than the day before. Facades, roles, masks. I never knew what to do to be the one people admired – not knowing that being yourself is what will be admired by the right sort of people. This is what she taught me. I needed attention, not knowing that it was my attention to myself that I subconsciously searched for. I needed value, not knowing that I was looking for self-value. And I craved for love, not knowing that it was the love of myself that I was lacking. I wanted to fulfill everyone else’s view of me, not knowing that I lost my self that way. But in the end, I got aware of it all. When I gained self-awareness, I also went thru hardships to deal with leaving the bad habits behind. It is always hard to move forward, make no mistake of it. It is hard, but it is not impossible and it will all be worth it in the end. I got to express myself this way, where I got to know my self. Within me, I have now a place where I go to whenever I need inspiration, peace or solutions. This place gives me answers to yet unknown questions. That is the power of what is within, and having a rock to lean against whenever I feel lost, that is another reflection of my favorite person. Happiness in whole is to have her close since she is my power, force and energy. Having her afar is, on the other hand, sadness on a complete different level, where it helps me regain my strength in my capabilities and myself. So having her afar helps me regain myself, and having her close helps me deal with the environment. But here is the thing, when she is close, I get inspired by the happiness, and when she is afar, I get inspired by my sadness. In whole, I always win. Since life is full of ups and downs, this is the way I deal with the cycle. Inspirations does not merely come form one emotion, it comes from all the emotions a person can feel. So this way I get inspired by different emotions and occasions, where they all strength me in one way or another. Hardships and benefits mold me to the one I today am, and I am continuously growing. Continuously fighting. So in the end, she is the place I call common ground, where she helped me set up my own values and beliefs. No matter if we are close or apart, her closeness or absence will always inspire me: the emotions she leaves behind do their part – and that is the reason why I keep fighting for my rights. Simply because I have found my peace in myself – merely because I had a rock to lean against whenever I felt lost. This made me fight for me. After all, what is worth the price is always worth the fight. Right?

MY BETTER HALF:

My heart goes out to you, my better half. This book and this organization are all thanks to your belief in me. Therefore, I want to begin this book by thanking you openly. Thank you for your belief in me, and thank you for your fighting spirit. That fighting spirit helped me see what you have been seeing all along. Thank you for believing in me, when I did not do it myself. Thank you lovie, from the bottom of my heart.

I used to think I was bad with words. How wrong could I have been? This last years showed me that I was everything but that. I was apparently good with words, I just did not know how to put them into disputes. I just did not know how to put them into sentences so you got the sense, feeling and emotion I wanted you to get. But I was mistaken. Apparently I could. Everyone can. I did not know it back then, but today I do. Better late than never I guess. I seldom expressed myself with the spoken words either, not until recently. I preferred expressing my feeling the non-verbal way. It was easier, simpler and less judgmental. However, the person that took me beyond these borders and made me feel in a complete different way was you. My love for you goes beyond the spoken words and beyond what the eyes can see. Like the painting “Mona Lisa” by Leonardo Da Vinci, is our love internal: you cannot put a prize on Mona Lisa and therefore, you cannot either put words or sight into my love for you. Those words would not make the love I have for you fair. The reason I think why my love for you is too big to either be seen or spoken of is because everything we get to feel is far bigger than anything else we can put our wisdoms on. So to love you, I needed to focus on my feelings and emotions, since I could neither taste, see, hear nor speak about it. Yes, our love goes beyond the human species too, it goes beyond space and even beyond the Universe. You are my special one, the one I have been blessed with.

Something bigger than us two, something bigger than anything else on planet Earth, decided to give me a gift, a gift I have been cherish every second of my life. You have been taking care of your sister during her hard times, where you made sure to let her know that she was not alone in this. I was not alone in this, I know it now. I was never alone. Since day one have I been blessed with you by my side. So I dedicate this book and my future to you. You helped me regain my belief in me multiply times, and now it is my turn to regain the belief in the future successful ladies to come. You became my power, my force, my inspiration and my shelter. Yes, you also became my reason to keep fighting and keep breathing. You became my life so I end this by saying: I love you beyond the spoken words, beyond what the eyes can see, and beyond infinity.

Thank you my better one, you have helped me. Now, together, we will help the next ones to come.

Take into consideration that this is from my experiences and my perspective. I write from personal experiences as well as personal learning’s. What you read throughout this book is my personal and self development.

INSIDE EVERY DIVERGENT MIND

Identity is what defines “us”; how we as individuals see ourselves and how our environment sees and defines us. What would you do if you all along have been physically and mentally mistreated? What would you do if you in your entire childhood have been hearing from different sources that you were not enough? Well, when you come out from those occurrences, you are implemented by those thoughts and you seem to be wired in that way too, to always doubt yourself and your abilities. Believe me when I say, I have been there. People in my surroundings mistreated me so badly that I became so insecure that I did not even want to be seen. I usually had my hair down, protecting my body and face and used it as a shelter, to protect myself from harm, everything so people would not look at me (or I at least hoped nobody noticed me). I grew up this way, where I departed myself from the social interactions completely, creating a social phobia on my own. I grew up this way, where my sister became my shelter and I her shadow. That is how I saw myself – a shadow. Is that not absurd? Which person manipulates someone else into thinking less of herself? I kept on doing everything to impress these people, but they always saw my flaws instead. I kept building up facades to be the one they wanted me to be. I kept using roles that were acceptable by them, not realizing I was loosing my true self that way. They focused on my cons, while I wanted them to be proud of my pros. And of course, as a child, you think it is your fault and you go into a defence mood and since the surrounding highlighted the bad parts, you seem to do it too. You get influenced. You get prejudiced by their words and start to believe in them too. So I started to become the one their words made me, not realizing that I created a mask harder than stone. Underneath that stone face, I was drowning in emotions, but how many saw that?

This is the power of influence. Use it in negative matters, and you will change a person’s life in negative ways. Use it wisely, and we will have a future worthy living in, with people that deal with their inside. Making sure to become one that stand for people’s well being – focusing on their mental health is what the TSL-organization stands for: to increase people’s awareness of their own mental health, as well as helping the one next to them. In order to help another human being, you need to help yourself first. In order to help yourself, you need to get to know yourself. And in order to getting to know yourself – to fully know yourself – and to break free from those doubting patterns, it requires effort, time and most importantly, will. That is how you will stand as a Victorian and your true identity will be found. But do not think for a second that it will be easy, and foremost: do not underestimate the power of influence – both from within and from without. So, my identity equals me. An identity I continuously work with every single day, because I know how hard it is to stay in focus: to not fall back into those doubting patterns. That is why I am here for you. I want to be able to help you, simply because I found comfort from my rock and shelter. She protected me when I needed her the most, and when I felt lost; she helped me re-gain my confidence. In the book, I might refer to her as “my better half” or “sister”. Ladies, I want to be your rock, your mirror, and your Dr. Dre to your Eminem.

So, to end this section, I am asking you: How come I was so insecure but nobody saw it while I was working in silence? How come I changed my view of myself? And how come I succeeded? –There is actually one answer to all of these questions: Improvements and persistence. I built confidence and let it take time. But my better half was what made this possible. She helped me find that belief I had in me. She helped me regain trust and faith in me by being there for me – by showing support as well as showing me what I am truly capable of. This made me see myself from a complete different point of view and from a complete different perspective and angle. This made me fight for my rights simply because she lit up that fuel in me. That fuel that tackled all the demons my mental illness brought with. So yes, I want to help you with your confidence, belief and fuel. I had one. I was lucky. Now, while holding in this book, you are lucky as well. Someone believes in you, and I will, with all my power and force, help you realize how much you are worth.

So, take your time. Whenever you are ready.

We take it in your steps, together. You and me!

Welcome to TSL where family means comfort; comfort to take the next step together; together towards tomorrow’s interdependence.

When you dream it, you become it; when you visualize it, you

will live it. How?

By working hard towards fulfilling every goal of that vision.

Before diving into the Part 1, I want you to consider something. The first part is a bit long but if you want to have the fully understanding of my background, as well as the contextual as whole, these pages would be useful for you. However, if you choose to not read the introduction, you can turn to part 2, and dig into what the first chapter has to offer.

PART 1

WALKING DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

START WITH YOUR MIRROR

The problem today is that, even though women, as much as men, have the rights to follow their dreams, there is many of us that actually do not follow thru with ours. How is it, that some women do not have the gut to follow their visions or what their hearts really wants and desire? And more importantly, are you one of those women? We believe that – even though these women have all the possibilities needed and required – what a woman first needs to deal with is her inner self. We strongly believe that we need to get to know the woman in the mirror and her self, before having the guts to push her towards achieving her dreams and visions for her future. With self-belief, you would not be destructed as easily to doubts in your surrounding. With belief, you would not get as influenced as you would have if you did not have belief. So, what the TSL-organization do believe is that a lady creates opportunity for herself firstly after she have been dealing with her inner self and getting to know her, where this knowledge will lead to her acknowledging her true calling in this world and therefore having the guts to face the world.

Since the environment, society, friends and family are all influences by former prejudices and stories, do we need to be in alliance with our inner self to be able to go after what we want. If we are not in alliance within, the outside forces will have their ways of wrapping their tentacles around our beliefs and kill them smoothly, creating their own beliefs in its place. As we will tell you throughout our existence, we might be the generation with the most possibilities, but with mental illnesses in this amount, it rather breaks us apart. Try to focus on what you have within, and you will find your true patterns outside those doubts. Try to focus on your dreams and wants, and you will find your own way out of those doubting patterns. In short, focus on eliminating the mental illness that you hold, and you will in turn see all the beauty that life has in store for you.

But, in order to do this, you need to be curious, you need to be willing to accept to yourself that there is something missing in your life and that you need to find out what it is, even if its going to put some true facts on the stand: you need to clean out your closet!

No barriers, no boundaries on what you can accomplish with

the belief in yourself. Enlighten the fire in you!

TWO QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSLEFBEFORE DIVING INTO THE BOOK:

Do me a favor and ask yourself two questions: “How am I feeling today?” and “What is the meaning of my life? After answering those questions truthfully, keep on reading to see my answers to the same questions.

In a world dominated by social media, it is easy to feel like everyone else is living a perfect and happy life just by looking at the posted pictures. Not taking the filters, shadowing or lighting into consideration. In fact, people nowadays are feeling lonelier than before, and therefore protect their misery behind a posted picture, which simply means that they solely are living for the posted pictures – to make them perfect for everyone else to see. We all want to be the one in our posted picture and therefore get lost in the illusion of a perfect world, everything so we loose track of the real world and our true beliefs, thoughts, emotions and feelings. How many of us – in the last month – have actually taken a pause in our daily routes and asked ourselves the question: “How am I feeling today?” Even if we did, would we dare to answer the question truthfully? Would anyone even care to listen to the answer? Would we admit that our “real” self is not matching the one in the posted pictures? We all have a desire to be congruent with our selves – to feel that we made it to actualization. In order for us to reach there, our ideal self (how we want to be) must match the actual self-image (how we see our selves). But if you do not know yourself, then it is a mismatch (incongruence) between these two and when these mismatches happens, you most likely dislike the person in the mirror and you start live for having a perfect picture and life in general for everyone else to see, even though the mirror reflects the true story. And when you start living for the person on social media, you start feeling lost, where you always feel like you are putting on a mask – everything to achieve the society’s expectations of you having it all. You simply intake a role. You feel untrue to your self, this because social media is putting pressure on you to become “perfect” – which causes stress and anxiety. But please, do not feel lost in the sea of social media. Life in general is not perfect and you have been given shoes that fit you. We all have felt lost, some more than others, where we felt like we are not fitting in in this world. Honestly speaking, in order for you to be true to your self – and be congruent with yourself – you need to stay honest with your self. Life is not perfect, and in order for you to face the obstacles on your path, you need to be fair to the one reflecting back. By the way, it is OK to cry. Cry a lot! Show emotions and show feelings! And I am here to tell you that I care about the answer. So let us try one more time: “How are you feeling today?”

To be able to answer the second question, you will need to elaborate the definition of the answer you have towards the question “What is the meaning of life”. The reason why is because the answer will be different coming from different people, which is the beauty of life. Different people will answer the question differently, dependent on their self, their surroundings, their vision and their view of the world. Being a successful lady increases the fulfillment of answering this question since you have taken one step toward being honest with yourself. What is the meaning of life? –Well, for me it was not to get into a relationship with an external part as soon as I got out of high school. I was too busy getting into a relationship with myself to have any time or effort for someone else. It was not going to University either, for I did that to make my parents proud. However, University taught me a lot about true knowledge in life, which is why I consider my University years my downfall as well as my rebirth. It was not getting any random job thrown at me either, since I wanted to find that environment where I could focus on increases in my character – rather than being neutralized. However, what I did for me was developing me toward a better version of my self – daily. I did this by constantly digging into my inner self and got to know the real me.

So if you ask me the question “What do you think is the meaning of your life?” I will simply answer: giving my future successful ladies and my self the treatment our bodies and minds deserves. I want to be someone people can relate themselves to, someone who makes them understand that they have all the tools indoors. I want them to understand that it all lies within, rather than being too busy with the outside facades. I want them to understand that happiness comes from the alliance with your self, rather than the alliance with the environment. I want them to understand that they do not need the environment to regulate their feelings and emotions. What they need is the love for themselves. I want to bring something to the world too, simply by helping women who are in a position where I have been. I simply want to be a role-model, for I have had one. I want to be a support to someone who has negativity surrounding them, for I have been there. Knowing that this book can make them escape those daily routines and lives – and work towards fulfilling the meaning of their lives – is what this book and the TSL-organization is all about. Here is the thing: the meaning of my life is to give you the opportunity to change yours, the way my sister implemented on mine. She made me focus on my character: inside out. The meaning of my life is simply to give back. I want to give back by helping people who are in a position were they need help by an external part, or people who just lost their “true” identity or character in one way or another – which can happen easily when insecurity is lurking in the dark, especially in today’s society. I had the privilege to be given a sister that helped me develop my self to the better version of me. Staying in this state of mind is something I fight against daily. Yes, it is a daily process since I need to push myself into continuous positive thinking because it is so easy to just fall back into those self-doubting and insecurity paths. I simply make sure to always increase my self in any way – by searching into my soul and always focusing on improving my self and my mind. So, my answer towards the question “What’s the meaning of my life” in short will be: “The meaning of life is to help the person next to me with the knowledge I possess – not compete with one another, but help. And always do my best to be a great neighbor. Interdependence is the key to success. But first, help yourself. To be able to help others, you need to be in one piece yourself first. That is the meaning of my life!”

THE POWER OF SELF-RESPECT

How come, wherever I go, people look at me with respect without me even opening my mouth? How come I get this respect, even though they do not know a thing about either my background nor whom I am? – Well, the answer is simple; it is all in your talk, your act, your behaviour and your thinking, and if you stick with me throughout this book, I will show you my tricks that will indeed be useful to you, whether it is to get respect from yourself, your neighbour, or just show the world what you have to offer.

So, shall we begin?

Good, let’s turn the page!

LOOK DEEPER WITHIN:

“Do not look in the rear-view mirror for too long – you might be stuck in that position. Change towards the road ahead. There is a reason why this window is bigger – make sure to put your whole focus there so you do not loose out on aspects coming your way. Therefore, be aware. Therefore, look deeper within. Therefore, find the one you were destined to be.”

Everything starts with accepting yourself and your true destination, as well as realizing the fact that you do not have to be unhappy just because “certain aspects” did not go as you hoped. You can actually live the life that you want, no matter your background. Because you need to know one thing: it is never about what you just see, it is rather about what you think and believe regarding these matters. To be someone and to get somewhere in this world, you firstly need to change your view of yourself. Secondly, change the opponents’ focus, which is primarily done by changing the focus on what you yourself focus on. What you put your focus on will be what everyone else does too, which is why you will need to switch your mindset first, before being able to change everyone else’s view of you.

Why do we judge the book by its cover? This was a question I never knew the answer to when I was younger, yet I acted the same. I came to experience the answer to that question though. We do it all the time, judge the cover that is. How many people have been looking at books and chosen the book with a better cover, only to find the book really boring? Or how many have just taken a book, with a random cover or “no cover” at all, only to find the book amazingly good? Well, this is something we all teach our kids but do we believe in it ourselves, or more importantly, are we doing as we are teaching someone else? –The answer is no. If we would not judge a person by her cover, meaning the talk, you would not have the feeling of need to change. Instead of focusing on outside aspects, I want you to focus on what their inside is, namely their thinking, behaviour and action. And when it comes to the book, focus on what the story tells you, instead of how beautiful the cover is. By focusing on the inside aspects, you will see the outside as a reflection of their inside and therefore focus on the context instead. However, I want you to understand that I do not say that every good outside is empty or boring on the inside, make sure you hear me. I am simply saying that sometimes, the cover can be judged wrongly. Additionally is this book more than ‘how to appeal to people’ – it is more about how to find you and how to appeal to yourself, as well as how you break free from your doubts and your mental illness. It is about your birth and how to take advantage of the new you in the best possible way. For if you embrace the new you, the environment will do the same.

When you know why you are on planet Earth – when you know what your true calling is – it will be shown in the way you are acting, and your view of the world will be different. Take it from someone who has been where you are right now. By simply changing the view of yourself and the world, you will be acting differently and the people in your surrounding will be able to see the difference in you. Your children will be able to see it. They will be able to see that you act in line with your words and therefore mimic these actions, simply because actions speaks louder than words. However, it is safe to say that people do the opposite because that is how we got taught. We got taught from our parents, friends, neighbours and the environment we grew up in to judge the book by its cover,