The Unlocked Leader E-Book

Hortense le Gentil

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 355

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

The most effective leaders are "human leaders:" leading with empathy, vulnerability, and authenticity. But many still adhere to the outdated myth that leaders must be "superhero leaders: infallible, unflappable, and fearless." Tragically, their innate ability to inspire remains locked within, blunting their impact. In The Unlocked Leader veteran executive leadership coach Hortense le Gentil combines real life stories, rigorous research, and practical tools to explain how superhero leaders can become effective human leaders. You'll discover: · How to identify the mental obstacles that stand between you and leadership authenticity, and sap your energy and impact - your mindtraps. · How to confront your fears and escape those traps by operating a mindshift. · Practical strategies to better connect with yourself and others - a mindbuild. The journey from superhero leader to human leader not only transforms the lives of leaders themselves - both at work and beyond. It also makes a profound and lasting difference in the lives of people around them and the organizations they lead. This is how human leaders make an impact and shine their light in the world: by changing the way they connect with themselves and other people, they start a chain reaction that reverberates throughout their organizations and beyond them, because we are all part of interconnected networks of human relationships. An indispensable leadership manual for people who wish to lead not just with their heads, but with their heart and soul as well, The Unlocked Leader belongs on the bookshelves of leaders and aspiring leaders at all levels looking for a fresh new perspective on effective, powerful leadership in service of something bigger than themselves.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Cover

Praise for

The Unlocked Leader

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Hortense le Gentil

Caroline Lambert

Introduction: The Fear of Being Humanintroduction

A New Business Environment and New Expectations

The Sum of All Fears

How to Become a Human Leader

Notes

PART 1: Mindtrap: Identify Your Lock

CHAPTER 1: When the Keys to Past Success Get in Your Way

The Birth of a Mindtrap

Cul de Sac

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

Notes

CHAPTER 2: Uncover Your Inner Obstacles

The Long Shadow of Trauma

How Do You Define Your Identity?

Are You Wearing the Right “Suit”?

The Consequence of Mindtraps

Notes

CHAPTER 3: Find the Source of Your Mindtrap

The Voice of Authority

The Power of the Collective

Which Voice Do You Listen To?

Notes

PART 2: Mindshift: Free Your Voice

CHAPTER 4: How We Can Change Our Mindset

Finding Order in Chaos

The Human Connection

Notes

CHAPTER 5: See Yourself Differently

Hitting the Wall

The Gift of External Perspective

Open Your Ears, Eyes, and Mind

Notes

CHAPTER 6: Challenge YourBeliefs

Truth Be Told

Is It Relevant?

Is It Still Helpful?

CHAPTER 7: Challenge Your Fears

See the Gift in Crises

Organize Support

Take One Step at a Time

Notes

CHAPTER 8: Let It Go

Let Go of the Rope

Rewrite Your Story

Travel Through Time

Notes

PART 3: Mindbuild: Lead with Empathy

CHAPTER 9: Define Your Identity as a Human Leader

Understand What Drives You

Imagine Your Future Self

The Other Benefits of Flexing Your Imagination

Notes

CHAPTER 10: Empower Your Inner Leader

Staying on the Right Path

Self‐Care for the Soul

Notes

CHAPTER 11: Become a New Leader

Learn to Listen More and Speak Last

Cultivate Your Empathy

Practice and Role‐Play Conversations

Learn to Set and Maintain New Boundaries

Notes

Conclusion: The New Leader

Note

About the Author

Index

End User License Agreement

Guide

Cover Page

Praise for The Unlocked Leader

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgments

The Unlocked Leader

Table of Contents

Begin Reading

Conclusion: The New Leader

About the Author

Index

Wiley End User License Agreement

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PRAISE FOR THE UNLOCKED LEADER

“Hortense le Gentil writes the way she lives—authentically. The inspiration her new book provides about being a human leader speaks to me personally. For over fifty years I have tried to lead my company not as distant employees, but as family seeking success through shared values. I have tried to lead through empathy, sharing values that respect each of us as individuals. Hortense shares with us ways to unlock the humanity that makes not only leadership, but the way we live, authentic, real, and most of all—human.”

—Ralph Lauren

“Hortense le Gentil not only explains how our mindsets—often formed in childhood—can become mindtraps, she shows how to escape those traps to fulfill our true potential as leaders.”

—Arianna Huffington, founder and CEO, Thrive Global

“Hortense le Gentil's breakthrough book will enable you to unlock your humanity to reach your full potential. With the brilliant combination of deep psychological insights and personal stories, she shows how to discover the traps holding you back, find your authentic voice, and become an empowering and empathetic leader. This book is a must‐read for every aspiring leader!”

—Bill George, author of True North: Emerging Leader Edition; executive fellow, Harvard Business School; former chair and CEO, Medtronic

“In The Unlocked Leader, Hortense pinpoints the critical and genuine role leaders play—and the skills they must develop—in unleashing a true people‐focused purpose and clear direction within an organization. She offers genuine practices that we, as leaders, can all employ to be the very best and most resilient version of ourselves.”

—Corie Barry, CEO, Best Buy

“Hortense le Gentil provides both unique insight and inspiration for us to build more inclusive and emotionally informed collaborations and to lead based on genuine representations of our true selves.”

—Tony Marx, president and CEO, New York Public Library

“In The Unlocked Leader, Hortense le Gentil takes us on a beautiful and soul‐filled journey to find the authentic leader within. Thank you for sharing this gift with all of us.”

—Michelle Gass, president, Levi Strauss & Co.

“Hortense has done it again! Teaching leaders to lead with heart, empathy, and authenticity, her latest book is the ultimate guide to becoming the leader your team and company need. Full of powerful stories, years of on‐the‐job wisdom, and profound research, The Unlocked Leader is guaranteed to help you start leading more effectively today.”

—Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, New York Times bestselling author of The Earned Life, Triggers, and What Got You Here Won't Get You There

“The Unlocked Leader is a gift for all on the journey to becoming authentic, human leaders. It illustrates our common challenges through real stories and offers actionable tools to develop our own leadership. A practical how‐to guide to one of leadership's greatest challenges—knowing and being ourselves.”

—Sarah Hirshland, CEO, US Olympic and Paralympic Committee

“In The Unlocked Leader, Hortense le Gentil invites us on a magical journey, one that can truly free us from what has been holding us back and help each of us become the amazing, inspiring, human leader that we can be. The Unlocked Leader is the essential companion to every leader who aspires to lead with purpose and humanity.”

—Hubert Joly, former Best Buy chairman and CEO, author of The Heart of Business, senior lecturer at Harvard Business School

“The Unlocked Leader is a masterful blend of psychology and storytelling that provokes us to bring to the surface the old beliefs and norms that hold us back as leaders and unlock the empathy and humility needed to be an effective leader in today's context.”

—Ben Williams, CEO, Spencer Stuart

“This book holds the key to unlocking the best leader in all of us. Told with a charming fable, there are practical takeaways in every chapter. This book will not just make you a better leader, it will make you a better person.”

—Chester Elton, bestselling author of The Carrot Principle and Leading with Gratitude

“The Unlocked Leader is an insightful, thoughtful book for anyone aspiring to become a better leader in all areas of their life. It clearly explains how both the conscious and unconscious mind can be developed to improve relationships, cultivate leadership, and just plain expand one's ability to interact with others on an elevated and comfortable level. I thoroughly enjoyed Hortense's easy to understand and comprehensive guide.”

—Gail Miller, owner, Larry H. Miller Company

“By using stories we can all relate to and introducing the simple but powerful mindtrap, mindshift, mindbuild framework, Hortense does a masterful job of guiding the reader through a process of reflection, resetting, and rejuvenation with a broader focus and purpose. An easy read and powerful tool for managers at all levels.”

—Chris Roberts, executive vice president, EcoLab Inc.

“The Unlocked Leader could not be better timed, as our new reality and multiple global challenges are forcing us to reassess who we are and how we show up in the world. Thankfully, Hortense has created a brilliant road map to enable us to emerge on the other side of this journey as more effective leaders: more in tune with our emotions, more empathetic, and more … unlocked.”

—Cindy R. Kent, COO, Everly Health

“This book is useful for leaders at every level, from the top of an organization to those leading from within a team.”

—Pau Gasol, president, Gasol Foundation; member, IOC Athletes' Commission; former professional basketball player; investor and activist in projects related to sports and well‐being

“The Unlocked Leader will quickly become an essential guide for every leader who is keen to move past what is holding us back. It is a beautifully written, inspiring pathway to becoming the most beautiful, biggest version of ourselves.”

—Dr. Tasha Eurich, organizational psychologist, New York Times bestselling author of Insight

“The Unlocked Leader is the essential user guide for leaders looking to enhance their empathetic approach to leadership. With its three basic constructs—recognizing ‘mindtraps,’ planning for ‘mindshifts,’ and executing ‘mindbuilds’—it's a practical playbook, filled with rich examples, reflections, and thought‐provoking ideas. Highly recommended.”

—Saugata Saha, president, S&P Global Commodity Insights

“What kind of leader do you want to be? Through personal stories and a simple process of unlocking our mental traps, The Unlocked Leader is a must‐read for anyone aspiring to inspire and empower their teams to give the best of themselves. Behavior, courage, empathy, emotions, human connection … this book has it all. It will help you look deeper into your soul, conquer your fears, and be the best version of yourself. Hortense has a unique way to help people connect their heart and soul to their mind. This book will make you a better leader. It will make you a better person.”

—Rafa Oliveira, international zone president, The Kraft Heinz Company

“An engaged workforce delivers results, or as Aristotle said, ‘pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.’ Hortense shares how, when your empathy eats your ego instead of your ego eating your empathy, you create cultures where people want to work, deliver great results, and go home happy.”

—Garry Ridge, The Culture Coach; Chairman Emeritus, WD‐40 Company

“Leaders must lead themselves first. In a world of exponential change, it’s easy to fall into mindtraps. Hortense le Gentil gives us a brilliant book that teaches us how to tap into our human leadership and unlock our true superpowers for inspiring, leading, and creating value. Leaders, read this book today!”

—Sanyin Siang, Duke University Professor and Thinkers50 #1 Coach & Mentor

The Unlocked Leader

DARE TO FREE YOUR OWN VOICE, LEAD WITH EMPATHY, AND SHINE YOUR LIGHT IN THE WORLD

HORTENSE LE GENTILWITH CAROLINE LAMBERT

FOREWORD BY JIM CITRIN, LEADER, CEO PRACTICE, SPENCER STUART

Copyright © 2024 by Hortense le Gentil. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging‐in‐Publication Data is Available:

ISBN: 9781394152933 (cloth)

ISBN: 9781394152964 (ePub)

ISBN: 9781394152971 (ePDF)

Cover Design & Illustration: Paul McCarthy

To Hubert

Foreword

For the past 35+ years, I've watched Hortense le Gentil flout conventional wisdom and take risks to stay true not only to herself and her values but also to her unflinching aspiration to help others reach their utmost potential. These are the very qualities that have made her a preeminent CEO and executive coach. So I read The Unlocked Leader knowing that it would be a powerful book for readers and leaders on a professional level. And it certainly achieves that objective. For me personally, reading this book has been profound, helping me make sense of a life‐changing experience that has been both unbearably sad and magnificently uplifting. Hortense's approach of helping unlock the human leader in all of us by identifying and confronting mindtraps in order to move to mindshifts and finally to a mindbuild was just what the proverbial doctor ordered for me based on what unfolded in my life over the past 18 months.

She writes about the power of letting go, which, of course, sounds good in theory but makes any skeptical person wonder whether it actually works or will help you achieve your goals. And even if you do believe it could work, it is truly scary to release yourself from the beliefs you've grown up with that are core to who you are and that have led you to the success you've garnered up to this point in time. I experienced the power of The Unlocked Leader in the most real and sad way possible.

But I had no choice. And what I learned was to become the silver lining to a very dark cloud in my life.

For more than 25 years, I have been a partner at Spencer Stuart, one of the world's preeminent executive recruitment and leadership advisory firms, where I lead our CEO practice. I've had the privilege of helping clients with more than 800 CEO searches and successions, as well as board director and C‐Suite appointments, for some of the world's best‐known and most successful organizations. I've always taken pride in being fully responsive to clients, colleagues, and candidates, working long hours in a very hands‐on way. This was based on the conviction that when clients retained our firm, with me as the team lead, I had to personally drive everything. Some of our competitors have senior partners bring in the business as rainmakers, only to pass off the project to more junior professionals to do the work. That was never the Spencer Stuart ethos; we take pride in doing the work.

This all changed when disaster struck. In late 2021, my beloved wife Lindsay became sick and was diagnosed with a devastating and rare form of cancer. We were living in London and she was on the world's most advanced clinical trial for her form of cancer. I continued to serve clients remotely while taking Lindsay to chemotherapy and immunotherapy sessions at University College London, to GI specialists at The London Clinic and the Cleveland Clinic London, and eventually to Royal Trinity Hospice.

It quickly became clear that I had no alternative but to let go. I literally could not do or drive every aspect of work as I had done for so many years. I also followed other aspects of Hortense's wise advice in this book: to be transparent, to be open and vulnerable, and, more than anything else, to be human. Often, I did Zoom meetings from the treatment locations, during which I always explained where I was and what was going on. What transpired were three unexpected things that I will never ever forget, that show the profound lessons of The Unlocked Leader.

First, not surprisingly, I was emotionally supported in my time of need. I was surrounded by love and trust by clients, colleagues, and candidates. Everyone understood what we were dealing with and going through and where I was doing my calls from. Work went from vocation to avocation, and it became a source of strength and joy that helped me cope and therefore be the best carer I could be for Lindsay. In April 2022, when Lindsay passed, the outpouring of love and support was beyond belief and the tribute that we established in her memory at London's Royal Trinity Hospice raised record sums of philanthropy. So I was being human, which helped me cope and therefore helped me care.

But two other things transpired that were a bit more surprising.

For one, my colleagues and partners stepped up. In a big way. Not only did our client service not suffer, but it was enhanced. As I stepped back it created the space for my colleagues to play more important leadership roles in our work. They got unparalleled experience with some of our most important assignments and in so doing accelerated their professional development, which led to enhanced satisfaction. I came to realize that my long‐standing prior commitment to “own” the assignments I was leading was unintentionally blocking the opportunities for other partners and colleagues to shine. During the year of treatment, I openly told clients that I would do my very best to add value to the process, but that Alexis or Colin or Kate or Jason would be in the lead. Clients embraced this, as did all of my colleagues, who delivered and grew as top CEO search and succession experts and leadership advisors.

Third, as a consequence of this dynamic, and to my genuine shock, our CEO Practice had a record year, growing 55% from the prior year, which had also been a record. I experienced this on a personal and individual basis as well, achieving record commercial results.

How could all of this happen? By shifting my mindset and letting go of the mindtraps that had unknowingly held me back. By being real and true and honest. By not trying to do it all or be perfect. By creating the space for others to thrive. And today and moving into the future it offers a true gift. With my freed‐up capacity, I now have a more open road to pursue my aspiration, which like Hortense's, is to help as many others as I can achieve their ultimate professional and personal satisfaction.

Going forward, I hope to continue to be the very embodiment of The Unlocked Leader.

Enjoy!

Jim Citrin, Leader,Spencer Stuart's CEO Practice,Bestselling author of You're in Charge, Now What?,The Five Patterns of Extraordinary Careers,The Dynamic Path, and Leading at a Distance

Acknowledgments

Hortense le Gentil

It has been a long journey. But we made it! And, I have so many individuals to thank.

I will start with my amazing agent, Jim Levine. Jim, working with you is a joy. Throughout the journey, you have always been present, positive, insightful, and kind. Thank you for your support, your generosity, and for being the embodiment of a human leader, someone who leads with empathy!

I will be forever grateful to Richard Narramore and the entire Wiley team, especially Jeanenne Ray, Jessica Filippo, Deb Schindlar, Susan Geraghty and our developmental editor, Kristi Bennett. I so appreciate how you immediately understood the value of The Unlocked Leader and committed to helping share its message with the world.

I have a special debt of gratitude to my coaching clients. I so appreciate your trust and the opportunity to learn from you. Working with you is a constant source of joy and a great honor.

My friend and advisor of many years, Maude Julien, has played a key role in supporting my growth over the years and has taught me so much about myself and about neurosciences. Maude is one of the world's foremost therapists, with a specialization in trauma and dealing with mental and behavioral manipulation, and her contribution to my understanding of mindtraps and mindshifts cannot be overestimated. She is also the author of The Only Girl in the World.

I wouldn't be where I am today without my mentor, Marshall Goldsmith, leadership coach, thinker, and author extraordinaire. Your example, unwavering support, and generosity over the years have encouraged and inspired me to get out of my comfort zone and grow as an executive coach and thought leader.

Special credits go to my “sister” Dr. Tasha Eurich, a brilliant organizational psychologist, and her husband, David, who helped shape the book in the early days of our journey; Jim Citrin, my friend of 35 years who somehow saw some kind of potential in me early on, has been a constant and incredible source of support, and generously wrote a beautiful foreword for this book; Gail Miller, whose story I share in the book, for being such a powerful source of inspiration for me; gratitude expert Chester Elton for introducing me to Jim Levine; and Krishna Patel, my Yogi master, whose wisdom has guided me over many years now.

My deep and sincere gratitude goes to those brave souls who took the time to review an early version of the manuscript and provided incredibly insightful and valuable feedback. They include leadership expert Bill George; Tony Marx, the extraordinary CEO of the New York Public Library; Penny Pilgram George, who has been a leader in the whole‐person health and well‐being space for more than two decades; and of course my husband, Hubert Joly, who I objectively believe exemplifies being “unlocked.”

This book would not have been possible without my writing partner, Caroline Lambert, my soul sister. It has been an incredible adventure to write this book with you, Caroline. Your ability to understand my vision and help me organize, research, and translate my thoughts into beautifully written words and stories is pure genius. I am so indebted to you!

I am also deeply grateful to my personal support team, including Ysadora Clarin, Hasti Taghi, Olga Fedysiv, and Mitchell Winter. Thank you for keeping me organized and healthy, and for supporting me every day during this journey.

Finally, on a more personal level, my heart goes to my beloved and amazing children, Greg and Charlotte. Thank you for your love and constant encouragements—you've always been and will always remain my source of motivation; and to my parents, Marie‐Françoise and Bernard, for your unconditional love.

Thank you to my in‐laws, Denise and Jean‐Louis, and to Stanislas, Johanna, Agathe, and Cyril for adding light in my life.

And last but not least, my profound gratitude goes to my beloved husband, Hubert. You are my grounding force. Thank you for your love, encouragement, support, patience, insightful comments, and immense sense of humor! Thank you for shining your light in my world. What took you so long?

Caroline Lambert

Working on this book has been an inspiration.

Thank you, Hortense, my soul sister, for this second book collaboration. Thank you for trusting me once again with your vision, ideas, and stories. Thank you for your energy, kindness, sense of humor, patience, friendship, and empathy throughout this crazy adventure. Working on this book with you has made me a better writing collaborator and helped me better understand and articulate why I do what I do.

Thank you, Jim Levine, for your unwavering support, guidance, and feedback. It has been an absolute joy and godsend to work with such a wonderful agent and human being.

These pages greatly benefited from the valuable input of several peer reviewers who were kind enough to read a first draft. A special thank‐you to Hubert Joly, whose sharp eye and mind made this book immensely better.

I'm grateful to the Wiley team, and particularly Richard Narramore, Jeanenne Ray, Jessica Filippo, Debbie Schindlar, Susan Geraghty, and our editor, Kristy Bennett, for bringing this book into the world.

My heartfelt thanks to Ysadora Clarin for organizing countless Zoom meetings month after month.

Finally, my deepest gratitude and love go to my husband, David, and our daughter, Zoe, for their love, support, and understanding throughout late nights and weekends working on drafts and revisions. My world starts and ends with you.

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

Introduction: The Fear of Being Human

Imagine an elegant office somewhere in the Upper East Side of New York City. One after the other, top business executives discreetly slip into the comfortable waiting room a few minutes before the door opens. They fear crossing paths with someone they might know. When that happens, both people awkwardly look the other way. This is the office of a renowned psychotherapist, and most of the business leaders who turn up there would rather keep their visits secret. Never mind that over one in five CEOs now seek therapy.1 Even Richard Nixon's psychotherapist pointed out that leaders who seek help in times of stress are courageous and serve interests broader than their own.2 Unfortunately, for many business leaders, openly asking for help and exploring their emotions is still too often perceived as a weakness.

For decades, the traditional view was that to be successful, business leaders had to be infallible, unflappable, in control, and fearless. These leaders appeared to be born leaders, naturally endowed with supreme intelligence, coming up with brilliant ideas and directives from the mountaintop that lower echelons were then expected to execute. They are what I call superhero leaders.

As an executive coach, I have worked with many such superhero leaders. These smart, goal‐oriented, and successful executives are masters at leading with their heads. Yet there is something many of them are now realizing they should probably know but don't: how to lead with their hearts and souls, too. Hiding behind their superhero leader façade, they're not sure how they can connect differently with people at work. They don't know how to be vulnerable, authentic, and empathetic in a way that unleashes the best in others. In short, they don't know how to be human leaders.

This is a problem of global proportions—for these leaders themselves, but also for people around them, their companies, and by extension, for the world at large. Why? Because the multiple global challenges and crises we're facing have highlighted that superhero leaders are no longer what companies need.

This traditional approach to leadership is not what is most effective today because the world has changed, and so have employees' expectations.

A New Business Environment and New Expectations

The world, and therefore the business environment, has become increasingly more volatile, complex, and unpredictable. In 2019, for example, few people would have predicted that a new coronavirus was about to sweep through the world with devastating consequences. We're facing an unprecedented combination of complex socioeconomic, geopolitical, and climate challenges. To survive, companies must be increasingly fast and agile—and expect the unexpected. In the 1920s, a company listed in the S&P 500 could expect to live for 67 years on average; and today? Only 15 years. By some estimates, three‐quarters of today's S&P 500 companies will be replaced by new firms within 10 years.3 More than ever, companies must be environments of collaboration, flexibility, and innovation to survive and thrive. In today's business world, no one is infallible, and no single person, no matter how smart and experienced, has all the answers.

In addition to navigating a fast‐changing and unpredictable environment, business leaders must also address new expectations and needs—starting with employees and, increasingly, shareholders. To give the best of themselves, employees want to feel respected, listened to, and inspired. They want to be seen, understood, and valued for who they are as individuals. Employees ponder over not only when, where, and how they want to work but also why they work.

Perhaps you think that these are soft, nice‐to‐have considerations rather than real business imperatives. But failing to pay attention carries a cost that may feel invisible but directly affects employees' loyalty and engagement, and therefore the company's bottom line. Employees rank respect from their leaders as the consideration that affects their engagement and commitment the most—ahead of recognition or appreciation, an inspiring vision, and opportunities for learning, growth, and development. Yet in March 2022, three in four employees felt that their company didn't care about their well‐being.4 Companies around the world suffer from an epidemic of disengagement.

In addition to being respected, seen, and valued, employees also seek leaders who feel human, not distant and perfect beings with whom they can't connect. There is clear evidence that members of a group consider as their leaders the individuals who put the collective interest before their own, work hard to make other people's good ideas happen, and are strongly perceived as “one of us” rather than someone striving to stand out from their peers. In other words, team members who are more concerned with getting things done than having their own way are the ones who emerge as genuine leaders. Why? Because they have more influence on the group than people who think of themselves as leaders and display the dominant behavior traditionally associated with it.5

In a context of changing expectations from employees and shareholders, as well as the demands of today's business environment, the traditional model of the seemingly unflappable, infallible, and fearless superhero leader doesn't feel like a great match. “We don't need another hero,” Tina Turner was already singing in 1985. We need leaders who want to be a lot more like coach Ted Lasso of the Apple TV original series—the unassuming Midwestern football coach who transforms a struggling and fractious British Premier League club by bringing hope, joy, kindness, and an indomitable team spirit.

The most effective leadership today—at all levels, from the C‐suite to small teams at the bottom of the corporate pyramid—isn't about technical expertise and having all the answers. In addition to articulating a compelling vision, it's about the ability to connect with people, understand their needs, and unleash their potential. As Mary Barra, the CEO of General Motors, put it, “At the end of the day, all businesses are about people first—because the only way we can build genuinely successful businesses is to build lasting relationships inside and outside the company,” she told fresh graduates of the Stanford Graduate School of Business. “We do that by holding ourselves accountable, by doing what we say we are going to do, and by inspiring others to strive for something bigger than themselves.”6 Rita McGrath, a business professor at Columbia University, sees the evolution of business management in three eras: the first two were the eras of execution and expertise; today, she says, management has entered a new era of empathy.

Empathy is not often a word that comes to mind when thinking about business strategy and performance. It isn't often the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about successful business leaders, either. But a growing number of companies and business leaders are indeed realizing that the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes—whether a colleague, a customer, a supplier, a competitor, or a shareholder—and see the world the way they do has become a business imperative. Take Microsoft. In 2014, the company was losing ground. The tech giant, whose culture back then was known as brash and aggressive, had missed several fundamental technology shifts toward cloud and mobile computing. Then came a reboot. Over the following years, the company's fortunes turned, pushing the stock price up. Central to Microsoft's success has been a cultural revolution led by Microsoft's new CEO, Satya Nadella. What was that cultural revolution? Embracing empathy.

Empathy increasingly appears in job listings from mainstream employers such as strategy consulting firms, banks, or tech firms.7 Understanding customers' needs, including the needs they might not articulate, is central to innovation and customer service. Microsoft's model‐coach‐care approach to management—model the behavior you'd like your reports to embrace, coach them, and care about them and what matters to them as individuals—relies on human connections, too. And the most effective teams are those made up of people of different backgrounds, experience, and perspectives who are able to understand, respect, and trust each other. Empathy is therefore critical at all echelons, starting at the top.

In short, to be most effective in today's environment, leaders must be human leaders.

Yet despite countless success stories and hard evidence advocating for leadership based on empathy, many leaders still cling to the good old superhero leadership approach.

So why do human leaders seem to remain the exception rather than the norm?

Because, as the saying goes, the longest journey we'll ever travel is the 18 inches between our head and our heart. Shifting from superhero leader to a more human approach is hard for several reasons. First, we are creatures of habit, relying on what we know. And many leaders have built their success on being goal focused. Over time, the specific brain network that focuses on setting and achieving goals has grown very robust. The tricky part is, when this specific network in our brain gets activated, the people‐focused network—which helps you understand and connect with people's emotions—gets weaker. Effective leaders need to be strong in both, but few are.8 So for leaders who for years have been so focused on goals, rebalancing their leadership approach takes effort and time. Because they've done well, why invest this time and effort? It's tempting and comfortable to keep doing the same thing.

Leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith, for example, might have chosen that path were it not for a conversation with a mentor, which, he says, changed his life. “You're too good at what you do,” his mentor told him. “You're repeating the same day over and over again, and you're very successful. You will have a good life if you keep doing this. But you will never be the person you could be.” Marshall realized that his mentor was right and learned a valuable lesson, which he's been sharing with the very successful leaders he coaches. “It's easy to think about the importance of unlocking your potential when things are going poorly,” he says today. “But it's also good to think of this unlocking when things are going well and you're not under pressure. Because the temptation is ‘I'll write this book someday, or I'll do this research someday,’ but someday never gets here.”9

There is a second reason why becoming a human leader is not easy. Seemingly fearless superhero leaders striving to become human leaders are facing one sizable obstacle, whether they realize it or not: their own fear.

The Sum of All Fears

When thinking about human leadership, many executives who spent their careers striving to be superhero leaders feel like the ground under their feet is no longer solid. “I was educated and trained to never show my feelings and vulnerability at work,” one CEO recently told me. “Now you're telling me I have to? This is a real revolution.”

Their fear typically manifests in three ways:

The fear of connecting with their own emotions.

For rational leaders used to flexing their analytical side, looking deep within themselves can feel intimidating, even dangerous. What are they going to find? Self‐exploration might upset the applecart. Even more frightening, exposing their true selves might change how others see them. What if they appear weak? What if they lose control, authority, respect, and love?

Frank,10 the CEO of a very successful startup, reminded me of Forrest Gump, who in the movie of the same name kept running for no particular reason. Frank was working nonstop, juggling multiple projects and flying from meeting to meeting without taking a minute to reflect. At the same time, he struggled to properly communicate his ideas and to inspire his team, which left him frustrated and feeling alone. “Where are you running to?” I asked him. He didn't know. What he was running from soon became clear, however: he was afraid to look at his own emotions. A few months earlier, a close friend had died very suddenly. Frank was not only devastated, he also felt guilty—guilty that he was still alive, and guilty that he had not done more for his friend. So, he had to run, run, run to try to escape these difficult feelings.

The fear of chaos.

Many leaders believe that if everyone starts relating to their colleagues on a more personal level, it might unleash a tsunami of group hugs and kumbayas, which will detract from actual work. “Emotions do not belong in the office,” one senior executive told me. How will they steer the ship if their role is no longer to fix all problems? What will happen when they let go of control? That thought leaves many of my clients feeling like trapeze artists without a safety net.

During the worst of the COVID‐19 pandemic, for instance, Bruce, a senior executive in a multinational company, was afraid that making space for emotions might open an uncontrollable floodgate of tears and grief. Where would it stop, he wondered, and what good would it do? Emotions would take over, bring everyone down, and undermine the work they all had to do. He also feared that if he stopped fixing problems himself, and instead focused on supporting people and bringing them together so they could find their own solutions, the business would unravel. Someone on his team aptly described him as a soccer coach who kept running on the pitch to play the ball.

The fear of failing.

Many leaders feel they don't know how to handle emotions at work—their own or others'. “What if someone on my team tells me they've just lost a parent or a spouse to COVID?,” a client asked me. “Or if someone starts crying? I have no idea what to do or what to say!” Effectively leading with heart and soul takes skills and approaches leaders used to wielding their logic and analytical brain power may not have mastered yet. Even worse, these leaders who are used to success fear they could fail spectacularly. “I've been successful leading the old way,” an executive told me. “I like the idea of becoming this new type of leader, but can I be as successful?” To many of us, the fear of failing is an old companion. Who has never felt a knot in the pit of their stomach before an important exam? Or when taking on new responsibilities at work?

Raise your hand if any of these fears—fear of connecting with our own emotions, fear of chaos, fear of failing—sound familiar!

Where do these fears come from? And how can we change in spite of them?

Although much is being said about why cultivating empathy and being a human leader is a good idea, very little is on offer when it comes to how. This leaves many leaders locked in their old approach.

How to Become a Human Leader

This dearth of “how‐to” reminds me of a dream I had many years ago. I dreamed of my grandmother, who had died years earlier. “Go walk on the path of roses!” she told me.

The path of roses? I had no idea what she was talking about, but it sounded nice. My grandmother used to love roses, which she grew in her garden with great care and affection. From her perspective, a path of roses could only mean a sacred road to fulfillment, beauty, and happiness.