Turn it Up! E-Book

Kelly DuPée

• Herausgeber: Portable Publishing Group
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Spanisch

Seitenzahl: 296

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Beschreibung

Are you and the love of your life as close as you used to be? Are conflicts occurring more often than they used to and your relationship is now full of problems? Do you dread coming home after work? Have you and your spouse simply drifted apart and now you don't know how to reconnect and get back what you once had? This book will turn that around and show you what to do. Everything is great when you're in love! But life has a way of turning that down. You start drifting apart, conflicts arise, you get busy with other things, and then you realize the quality of your connection and the closeness you once experienced has diminished. Some couples call it quits and walk away. But you can do something about this. You can TURN IT UP and revive your relationship or marriage. TURN IT UP will give you five commitments to make and five skills to learn that will teach you how to strengthen your connection and grow closer to each other again. When you turn it up regularly, you really can have the kind of marriage you want and have it last a lifetime.

Leseprobe

Turn It Up! endorsements

If you want to think differently about how to strengthen, grow and foster a healthy marriage, this book is for you. I would encourage couples to read it with an open heart and open mind. If you are not growing together, you will grow apart. Make the investment into your marriage with Turn It Up! Your relationship will be far richer for it. All In!

Dan ReeveLead PastorFaith Churchgo2faith.com

Pastor Kelly DuPee is a gift to the body of Christ, his community, and our world! I have known Pastor Kelly for over 20 years and have the utmost respect for his commitment to others and the ministry he exhibits to those he serves. His book, Turn It Up! is a great example of his wisdom, which is dispensed in a way that can be utilized in practical relational applications. I highly recommend Turn It Up! to you, as you will find the needed ingredients you can apply in your own marriage, as well as other relationships, which will bring added value and blessing in your world.

Keith HersheyFounder/PresidentMutual Faith Ministries

Kelly DuPee has written a book important to any man or woman seeking a quality marriage. Whether you are about to embark on that great adventure called marriage, or are a “seasoned pro,” Kelly’s book has something for you. Kelly’s personal examples and vulnerability lend an air of great authenticity, and his precepts are solid and well grounded. Easy to read and begging for the highlighter to mark significant passages, Turn It Up! is a gift you can give to yourself or someone you care about. I highly recommend it.

Dana BuckDirector of Engagement ProgramsWorld Vision US (Retired)Author of Sew Powerful Parables: Stories of Rhyme, Reason and God’s Truth

Many of the problems in today’s society are directly related to the deterioration of the family unit. 40% of family formations today are single parents, usually women raising multiple children. Kelly’s book is an easy read, it is direct and very targeted towards the primary reasons that marriages fail. Read it, have your spouse read it, then candidly discuss it together. You will be surprised with the results.

Richard KoonVP Ministry LendingAmerica’s Christian Credit Union

When I read this book, it was refreshingly different. It is a blend of Pastor Kelly’s vast personal experience and sound research but features easy to understand questions at the end of each chapter designed to spark relevant conversations between the couple. I would recommend this book to anyone who is ready to take their relationship to the next level!

Nancy P Zybala, LMFTNew Dawn Head of Service

During my senior year of high school, I met the love of my life – my 1970 Mercury Cougar XR7 Hatchback with a roar that only a 351 cubic inch, 8-cyclinder V8 engine can produce. She was a real beau, with her bright blue metallic body, pinstripe hood and white hardtop, I was the envy of all the guys in the neighborhood. But over time, our relationship grew strained. I became burdened with many of life’s distractions that slowly, and unnoticeably and unintentionally began to eat away at my sweet little deuce. Within a few years, I had to release her to the junk yard for spare cash that I desperately needed – all $200 worth.

Pastor Kelly is a friend of mine that I have trusted for many years. His wise counsel and deep compassion for people comes through in this book. This book will become part of my toolkit for maintaining and revving up my own marriage. Whether the occasional tune-up or a complete overhaul, this book is the perfect manual for maintaining that hum with your special someone.

John S. MiramontesArchitect

Pastor Kelly’s Book Turn It Up! is a how to guide to achieving a lasting happy and successful marriage or relationship. Whether you need to improve a troubled marriage or want to maintain an already great relationship, Turn It Up! is a no-nonsense guide guaranteed to lead you to making positive changes in marriages and relationships. With faith in God as a foundation, Pastor Kelly emphasizes the importance of building and strengthening a good connection with your spouse or significant other and prescribes five easy to understand and effective steps on making positive and lasting effects to any marriage.

As a 25-year law enforcement veteran, this book has helped me identify some simple but important steps that I can take to maintain my own marriage. From an officer-wellness perspective, this book is a must-read for all of law enforcement; a profession plagued with a high divorce and suicide rate. There is no doubt in my mind this guide can make a positive change in all marriages!

Lt. Tony CortinaWest Covina Police DepartmentWest Covina California

When I read Turn It Up! by Kelly DuPee my intentional love and behavior toward my beautiful incredible wife of 42 years increased and our relationship improved.

Pages 10 and 11 provided enough positive information and wisdom to make the purchase worthwhile for an opportunity to dial up the love in a good relationship, and perhaps save a struggling marriage. I cannot thank you enough Kelly, for this timely much needed book. 

Rev. Andy BalesPresident and CEOUnion Rescue Mission in Los Angeles 

Every married person starts out with great intentions for their marriage. And as Kelly points out in Turn It Up! over time the dimmer switch of good intentions can be turned down. I believe the tools and skills Kelly provides in this book are not only practical but also necessary for having a lasting and successful relationship. If you need a tune up or just tools to stay connected, I highly recommend you read Turn It Up!

Steve DeYoung Founding Pastor of Mountainview ChurchRancho Cucamonga, California

We have been getting coached by Pastor Kelly, and he has been able to coach us through our weaknesses and has helped us build on our strengths. The book has even elevated our relationship to an even higher level. The book is filled with real life challenges, and a variety of different ways to work on those challenges as a couple. If you want to turn up your marriage or relationship, this book will give you real useable tools that can help make a better, stronger, and closer connection with the love of your life. 

Steve and Maria Orozco

Turn It Up!by Kelly DuPee is a powerful resource for married or soon to be married couples.  Although it may be most impactful for newly married couples or those couples facing difficult times, the insights laid out here can be greatly beneficial to all married couples. Turn It Up! provides a practical, proactive plan that is easy to follow with a focus on strengthening marriage connections.   The five commitments and five skills Pastor Kelly has presented here cover all the bases of a healthy and blessed marriage while dealing head-on with the difficult issues many couples face.  After reading Turn It Up! I was able to see some things in a different light that I was missing and have a guide that my wife and I can utilize to continue to build a great relationship that is blessed by God.  I cannot wait to put into practice the commitments and skills in Turn It Up! that will get the dimmer switch in my marriage turned up to the highest setting and see my connection to my wife strengthen!  Thank you, Pastor Kelly!

Matt Fitzgerald

In a time and generation where the world is competing for your every focus, Pastor Kelly DuPee reminds us of the importance to pay-attention to your connection, in our relationships and especially our marriages. He motivates you to understand that no relationship or marriage just magically succeeds or even fails, but requires each of us, to go to the dimmer switch, and Turn It Up!

Pastor Kelly DuPee’s ministry and wisdom is like walking through an aisle of a library. He has impacted the lives and stories of thousands, including my own. Turn It Up! will challenge, inspire, and encourage your marriage to shine resplendently the way it was always meant to. I highly recommend this book if you are desiring to develop a stronger connection with your spouse!

Marriage is not a toggle switch; it is a dimmer switch. It is time to make your marriage shine!

Lead PastorMichael Alfarowww.TheCallingla.com

“Pastor Kelly will give you the practical tools and concepts to ‘turn up’ your relationship for a long, healthy, and meaningful marriage.”

Jeff MosleyPolice Officer

Pastor Kelly has had, and continues to have, a huge impact on my life. I have had the pleasure to serve under his pastoral leadership at Faith Church and have grown in many ways through these years. He is a deep well of knowledge and wisdom which I am blessed to have drawn from. He has provided me guidance through difficult times in my life, helped me develop my leadership abilities, supported me in all areas of my life, and most of all, been an example of how to love God and love people.

I am currently engaged to be married soon and my fiancée and I admire the marriage that Pastor Kelly and Carrie have. In fact, Pastor Kelly will be officiating our wedding! This book is just a piece of what we see and experience from their marriage and through this book, they continue to have an impact on our relationship and our lives. My hope is that through this book you are also able to experience the love and care that Pastor Kelly has for you. 

Elvis Chen

Kelly DuPee’s book is a wonderful practical guide to having a strong and lasting marriage. His book reveals key areas and key commitments that couples need to make and practice every day in their marriage. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I found the skills mentioned in this book very pertinent to having a healthy, loving marriage. The skill building section of the book can help couples before they even get married. Kelly gives the reader a how-to understanding with five skills that makes it easy to implement. The personal and professional stories give the book a broader understanding of what it takes to make a marriage connect.

Kelly DuPee’s book is a wonderful practical guide to having a strong and lasting marriage. His book reveals key areas and key commitments that couples need to make and practice every day in their marriage. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I found the skills mentioned in this book very pertinent to having a healthy, loving marriage. The skill building section of the book can help couples before they even get married. Kelly gives the reader a how-to understanding with five skills that makes it easy to implement. The personal and professional stories give the book a broader understanding of what it takes to make a marriage connect. The spiritual aspect of the book also provides a deeper understanding of how God designed marriage. Kelly’s book is encouraging and motivating to read. I would recommend this to my family, friends, and clients.

MaryLou McGuirk, LMFTLicensed Marriage and Family Therapist

If you value a strong and stable marriage, if you can still see that twinkle in your partners eye or if the flame in your marriage is trending low and you are wondering what to do, Turn It Up! is a must-read book for you. My name is Richard Bell and I have been married for over 31 years. I have a very noble job as the Police Chief of a mid-size Police Department. I have a wonderful family and from all accounts we are living a good life, full of blessings. I would say the strongest part of the family is my marriage.

I started reading Pastor Kelly’s book and I could not put it down. As I read through it, I could not help but test some of the techniques against my own marriage. What I found was that no matter how strong you think your marriage is, it can always use a little “turn up.” Sometimes we take for granted the little things in our marriage which often times turns into big things. The concepts presented in this book are relevant to today’s marriages and extremely helpful if taken seriously. I was captivated by the very first chapter with the question “How is our connection.” When I asked that question to my wife, I did not get the response that I expected. Although the overall answer was not bad, I realized a “turn up” was in order.  The manuscript is thought provoking and challenges you as a person to pursue the best possible connection with your wife or husband. I know God honors the marriage union. Pastor Kelly is an experienced Pastor and Life Coach in the field of marriage. He adds insight and revelation in a controlled environment to help facilitate a healthy marriage.

Richard BellChief of PoliceCity of West Covina

Kelly DuPee has written a practical guide to marriage that every couple should read.  He openly shares about his own marriage and brings in the advice of many experts. He hits all the bases.

Bill Stephens

Why wait until there is no more time to save your marriage? Small daily but radical practices can build your relationship even stronger through the toughest of times.

A few years ago, my wife Ivonne was at the brink of death after being diagnosed with a liver and kidney chronic failure condition. Her health deteriorated faster than we could adjust. I was unsensitive, unresponsive, and even inappropriate at times. My clueless attitude did not help my wife much but was adding pain to her sorrow and suffering. Pastor Kelly stepped right in. He was fearless. He told me a couple of good and valuable truths that help me see my wife’s needs clearly to respond accordingly. Then he turned to her and helped her navigate her uncertainty, depression, and anxiety. His advice helped us turn to each other with love and care. Together, we were able to tackle her health issue head on until she received a double organ transplant and recovered. Now she is in good health, but our marriage came out on top, in better health than we dreamt of. Thank you, Pastor Kelly, for your coaching guidance now condensed in this book.

Then…

Why wait to read Turn It Up! to save your marriage? Rush to come together starting today.

Vladimir LugoPresident & CEOTepui Cloudhttps://tepui.cloud

Turn it Up!

How to have the lifelong marriage that you really want.

By Kelly DuPée

TURN IT UP!

How to have the lifelong marriage

that you really want

© 2021, Kelly Dupée

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent andTrademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

©First Edition 2021 Portable Publishing Group LLC. 30 N Gould St, Ste R, Sheridan, WY 82801, United States of America.

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Portable Publishing Group LLC is a globally minded publisher supporting the work of independent authors. We believe in editorial diversity and new creators. Our digital and printed editions, which cover the most diverse genres, are possible thanks to the alliance between authors and publishers, in order to create books that cross borders and find readers.

The reproduction, storage and total or partial disclosure of this work by any means without the full consent and written permission of the author and the publisher, are expressly prohibited. Thank you for valuing this effort and purchasing this book in compliance with the laws of Copyright.

ISBN: 978-1-953540-57-7

Printed in the United States of America

Table of contents

Turn It Up! endorsements

Turn it Up!

Table of contents

To my loving wife Carrie.

Turn It Up! Foreword

Introduction

- Why you need to read this book!

Part One Connection

CHAPTER ONE THE CONNECTION QUESTION “How’s our Connection?”

Part Two Five Commitments to Make

CHAPTER TWO COMMITMENT # 1 – Become One with each other

CHAPTER THREE COMMITMENT #2 Prioritize, care for and protect your connection

CHAPTER FOUR COMMITMENT #3 Demonstrate your love for each other

CHAPTER FIVE COMMITMENT #4 Keep learning how to turn it up

CHAPTER SIX COMMITMENT #5 Love God and ask him for help

Part Three Five Skills to Learn

CHAPTER SEVEN SKILL #1 Share your feelings

CHAPTER EIGHT SKILL #2 Understand each other

CHAPTER NINE SKILL #3 Ask for what you need

CHAPTER TEN SKILL #4 Express your anger in a healthy way and forgive

CHAPTER ELEVEN SKILL #5 Manage your money together with wisdom

Part Four Final Thoughts

CHAPTER TWELVE

About the autor

Acknowledgments

Notes

Appendix A

Appendix B

To my loving wife Carrie.

I love you now more than ever and dedicate this book to you. Thank you for your love, encouragement, patience, support and for abandoning the option to quit. You’re the best and I’m still falling!

Turn It Up! Foreword

What is the first thing you look for when choosing a book to read? Or, perhaps, a movie you’d like to see or a television series to watch? Of course the subject matter is important – what is it about? If it’s a Dodgers or Lakers game, or a major golf tournament, I’m in, no questions asked. If it is a movie I need a little more information. Is it an action flick, mystery, drama or a romcom? Are the reviews any good? But when it comes to anything informational and instructional I not only want to know what it is about I want to know who is coming up with the material.

They say you teach what you know but you reproduce who you are. Sure, there are successful coaches who were not outstanding at the game as players but have proven excellent at leading championship teams. Still, if you are going to help me live my life better you’ll have to forgive me if I am very interested in how you are living your life – especially in regards to the topic you are teaching. This is nowhere more true than in the critical area of marriage.

Marguerite and I have been married for 49 years, so if for no other reason than longevity we have learned a thing or two about what it takes to succeed. We are going for the gold! For most of these years we have known Kelly DuPée. Over the decades I have ministered with Kelly, worked with Kelly, traveled with Kelly, played golf with Kelly, and can honestly say he is one of the finest men I’ve had the privilege to know. Of course he’s not perfect, but when I think of a man of integrity he is one of the first that comes to mind.

I had the honor of performing the ceremony when Kelly married Carrie. Marguerite and I have both observed and lived life with them as they have grown from newlyweds to parents to grandparents. We have seen first hand their ups and downs and how they have handled multiple challenges and tackled various problems. Through it all I can safely say they have learned to Turn It Up!

Kelly writes in a straightforward, easy to understand manner, with numerous applications that benefit the reader immediately. While the book can certainly be utilized as a manual to heal and improve anyone’s marriage, it does not read laboriously like a typical textbook. You will discover solutions for your life and marriage that have been hiding in plain sight.

Success in anything, including marriage, rarely if ever just happens. It happens by design, not default. One of my favorite Bible verses is Ecclesiastes 10:10, “If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed, but skill will bring success” (NIV). In short, you are never wasting your time sharpening the ax. Reading and even studying Turn It Up! will prove to be not so much an expenditure of your time and energy as an investment.

Sound like too much work? Well, if you’re like me getting started is hard, but not as hard as you might think. In contrast, going through a divorce is always significantly harder and more costly than initially imagined. The long-term costs of deciding to simply check out through excessive partying, drinking, and drug use are enormous. No matter what you decide to do and wherever you decide to go there are costs. Even if in the end your marriage cannot be saved you will find yourself a better person by making wise choices now. Whatever happens in your journey you will not regret learning to Turn It Up!

As you put in the work to better your life and marriage I encourage you to move beyond your feelings. It is common for a spouse to feel like they don’t love their partner any more (they may even wonder if they ever really did love them). If that’s the case, why try? I seldom feel like exercising and stretching but I do it about five times a week. Why? I don’t like to exercise! But I do want to stay as strong and flexible as I can for as long as I possibly can. Also, I like the way it makes me feel (alright, only when I’m done!). If I waited until I felt like it I would seldom exercise. My friends in recovery have taught me a life changing truth – it’s easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into an action. For them, it is a matter of continued sobriety. For me, it is a matter of staying in shape as I age. For you, it might be a matter of reigniting a lost love and passion.

Maybe the willingness to put in the work is not your problem but the idea of having someone coach you is. I know that feeling. I tend to prefer jumping right in and figuring things out for myself. Taking the time to sharpen the ax or being coached seems unnecessary or overly time consuming. But I have learned that all too often what I feel isn’t real. It took me a while to realize that what I thought I was doing in my golf swing was not what I was actually doing. It took an outside pair of eyes (and video!) to prove it to me. In fact in more ways than one what I felt I was doing was the exact opposite of what I was actually doing! My golf game improved exponentially when I allowed myself to be coached by quality people. Life and marriage are no different and way more important than golf. To work hard at what you feel is correct only to find out it is not right is disheartening, but that realization is a necessary step toward authentic improvement. For that to happen, we need help. And, by the way, Kelly is an insightful, proven and effective coach!

Marguerite and I are praying that as you journey through the book God will give you a breakthrough. Turn It Up! can help bad marriages become good and good marriages become great. But, as Kelly points out, the focus is on progress not perfection. “I pray with great faith for you, because I’m fully convinced that the One who began this gracious work in you will faithfully continue the process of maturing you until the unveiling of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Philippians 1:6, TPT).

Dr. Jim Reeve

Founding and Senior Pastor

Faith Church, West Covina

Introduction

- Why you need to read this book!

Did you know there are two types of light switches? One is called a toggle switch. You flip it up and the light goes on; you flip it the opposite way and the light goes off. There is also a dimmer switch, which has a knob that you can turn up or down depending on the brightness of light you want.

What does this have to do with marriage or relationships? I like to think that there is an imaginary dimmer switch that controls the strength, health or quality of your marriage. If you want more light in your house, you can turn the real dimmer switch up. Likewise, if you want the room to be darker, a dimmer allows you to gradually adjust the light to what you would like it to be. A lot of people tend to think of the health or quality of their relationship as a toggle switch that is either on or off. You are either married or you are not; and, if you are married, it’s either good or bad. The truth is, however, that a dimmer switch is a much better way to think about your marriage.

When you get married, you are excited about it and very much in love. During this time, you could say that your switch is turned all the way up. As time goes on and the challenges of life hit you, the brightness or quality of your relationship can start to dim as if someone turned it down. When you get busy, or spend a lot of time at work, or focus your attention on your kids, you gradually start drifting apart. What was once turned all the way up has now been gradually turned down. What was once dynamic and exciting has morphed into something routine and dull. However, just as life can turn the quality of a marriage down, you have the power to reverse that and to turn it up.

In a romantic relationship or marriage, everybody wants two things: for the relationship to be great and for it to last. The problem is that often we do not know how to get these things. How do you build a fulfilling and long lasting marriage with another human being? We all look at couples in their golden years that have been married for decades, thinking they either must be really lucky or really blessed. Certainly, there are some who have figured out how to be happily married. However, the sad reality is that most marriages or romantic relationships either end painfully or stay together while being unhappy. This does not have to happen to you. I have got good news: you really can have a great marriage that is enjoyable and fulfilling, AND that will last a lifetime. But this does not happen by accident. You have to intentionally turn it up.

This book will teach you how to have a long lasting and enjoyable marriage. I will show you how to monitor and turn up the heat in your connection so that you can respond and fix problems while they are still small. I will give you practical and easy-to-follow instructions on how to strengthen and sustain your marriage so that it will last a lifetime.

Before I tell you how to turn it up, let me tell you a bit about me and why you should trust that I know what I am talking about.

I have been extremely blessed in my marriage to the love of my life, Carrie, for over thirty years. We have had some challenges, as all marriages do; but we have overcome them, grown in our love and learned a few things along the way. I have the incredible blessing of serving as one of the pastors at Faith Church in the Los Angeles area and as a Chaplain for the West Covina Police Department. I am also a certified Life Coach that specializes in marriage coaching. In those roles, I have officiated hundreds of weddings, and have talked and prayed with hundreds of couples at different stages in their marriages. Some of them have been engaged and have come to me for premarital counseling. Some have been married and in need of input on specific issues. A few have come hoping that a conversation with me would keep them from filing for divorce. I have also taught and led marriage classes and programs. I am not a marriage counselor, a therapist or a psychologist; however, my own marriage, along with my experience helping couples, has given me some insights on how to make a marriage work.

I am passionate about helping you have and maintain a great marriage. I have seen too many divorces that could have been prevented. In addition to helping couples stay married, I have also helped individuals to recover from divorce and I have seen firsthand the devastation that is caused when a marriage dies. Although I love helping people in any way I can, I would always prefer to be at the top of the cliff, warning you to turn around, rather than waiting with an ambulance at the bottom to help after you have crashed.

So, what will you get from reading this book? Here are just some of the benefits. You will see why it is important to regularly check on the quality of your connection and to turn it up. You will learn things that you can consistently do to turn up the passion, love and fulfillment within your marriage. You will learn how to protect your connection from outside influences that could turn it down. You will learn how to ask for what you need. You will learn how to solve problems together, avoid conflicts and deal with the challenges that inevitably arise along the way, that can also turn down the strength of your connection. You will learn how to deal with negative emotions, like anger, in a healthy way so that it will not damage your relationship. In short, you will learn how to turn up the strength of your connection, which will result in you having a great marriage.

This book contains wisdom that I have gleaned from many other sources that have poured into our lives, such as Dr. Jim and Marguerite Reeve, the senior pastors at Faith Church who have been married for almost fifty years. Their wisdom and example have been an inspiration for thousands of people, including us, and we are very thankful for that. I have also taken some of the best ideas from other experts in marriage and relationships, and condensed them into the easy-to-follow concepts that you will find here.

This is a how-to kind of book, a manual to follow so you can learn how to be married. The instructions and suggestions I make are time tested, and many of these concepts have been proven by research done to help couples have a stronger and better relationship. Let me assure you that these are things that Carrie and I have applied and continue to practice on a regular basis; not just theories that I think would work. They have been tested, evaluated and applied to real life relationship challenges, and are proven to work.

Here is my promise to you. If you read and apply the concepts in this book, your marriage or relationship will improve and become stronger. I cannot promise that it will last a lifetime: this is up to you and your spouse. But I do promise that the stronger the connection you have with your spouse, the better your marriage will be; and you will survive the storms and challenges. If you do not put into practice what you read in here, I can guarantee that you will not have the practical wisdom that could help you have a great and long lasting relationship.

Who is this book for? If you are just getting started in your marriage, this book is for you. If you have been married for a while, but have hit some bumps and realize you need help, this book is for you too.

I have heard that pain pills sell better than vitamins. Unfortunately, we seem to only look for help when we are hurting, instead of taking proactive steps to improve our health. This book will not help you unless you read it. Do not wait until your marriage or relationship is in trouble to do so. The time to repair the roof on your house is before it rains. If you wait to read this book, you will not only miss out on a better quality for your relationship, but you will also be unprepared for the storms that will hit it. Think again of what you want in your marriage. You want it to be great and to last. I believe this book will help you achieve both of those goals.

If I have not convinced you yet to read this book, let me give you one more reason: your children. If you have kids or want to have kids, what kind of marriage would they want you to have? Would they want parents who are always fighting, arguing or, worse yet, avoiding each other because of unresolved issues? Would they want you to separate from each other? Would they want you going to court to decide who gets to live with whom? No. They want to see you talking, enjoying each other and working through the challenges in a healthy way. They want to feel and know that they live in a secure family, so they can thrive and grow into healthy adults who will also know how to be married. You can give them all of these things.

This is a book based on reality. Recently, I was teaching this to a group of engaged couples, where I could tell that some of these concepts contradicted the romantic ideas they had about life and marriage. I could tell I was bursting their bubble. I was not trying to depress them by explaining how challenging being married can be, but to give them a clear idea of what they were stepping into. Many couples feel they do not need to learn how to be married, they just want to figure it out on their own. Perhaps, that is why so many marriages do not make it. That is not what I want for you: I want you to know the pitfalls that could destroy your marriage so you can avoid them. I also want you to know how to respond in a more effective way when conflict arises. The truth is that your marriage will face challenges, but you can overcome them and pass the tests when you are prepared.

So do not wait, get started now. Read, talk about and apply the concepts presented in each chapter. We will first talk about why the connection between the people in a marriage or relationship is so important and about how to monitor it. Then, I will give you five commitments you need to make and five skills you need to learn how to use with each other. A commitment is a promise, followed by action, that is lived out on a daily or regular basis. These commitments are ongoing behaviors that when you do them regularly you will keep life from turning your connection down —and instead turn it up. A skill, however, is a tool that you learn and then use when it is required by a certain situation. By living out the commitments and using the skills, you really can have the kind of marriage that you want. One that is enjoyable and fulfilling, AND that will last a lifetime.

Are you ready to turn it up? Then let’s begin!