Understanding Me, Understanding You E-Book

Manoj Krishna

• Herausgeber: Manoj Krishna
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 491

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Beschreibung

Just as we watch a bird fly across the sky, we can observe our thoughts and feelings simply and clearly.
How can we live in relationships without conflict?
Do we feel unsettled and long for peace within?
How can we find love in our lives, and be happy?
Is it possible not to be emotionally hurt?
The answers to these and other questions can be found through a deeper understanding of how our minds work, by observing our thoughts and feelings as they arise in us, and then exploring what lies behind them.
We are educated to understand the world around us, but not ourselves and this is responsible for many of our problems.
This book enables you to understand yourself clearly, and with this clarity of insight, problems can dissolve. Understanding ourselves helps us to empathize and connect with others because, despite our apparent differences, and hidden from our awareness, the human mind functions in the same way in everyone. This realization can transform our relationships and also lead to resilience, wisdom and a sense of inner peace.
This book is part of the Human Enquiry project, and more information can be found at humanenquiry.com.

Leseprobe

About the Author

Manoj Krishna trained as a doctor in Pune, India before coming to the UK to pursue a career in spine surgery. He has a long standing interest in how our minds work and has facilitated discussion groups on the subject. He feels passionately that people need to be educated to explore and understand their inner spaces, as much as the world around them. He lives in Yorkshire.

Published by ClearTree Press, Yarm, England.

Cleartreepress.com

Copyright © Manoj Krishna 2017.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

The author’s website is humanenquiry.com

ISBN-13 978-0-9956833-1-0

Acknowledgements

I am grateful to the many teachers whose writings have inspired me. In particular, the writings of J. Krishnamurti (1895–1986) have been very insightful and can be found at jkrishnamurti.org.

I have mentioned several facts in the book and I am grateful to those who have collated them. I have not referenced them, but they can be easily validated through a search engine.

I am also grateful to the many friends and family members who have provided feedback and with whom I have held long discussions.

For Anand and Nikhil

Contents

about the author

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Why Ask Questions of Life?

The Benefits and Art of Enquiry

Can awareness help solve our problems?

Awareness

How do we begin to look at ourselves?

Listening

Mastering the art of listening well

Obstacles to enquiry

Avoiding common pitfalls

Comparison

Why do we constantly compare ourselves with others?

Fear

Is it possible to live a life without fear?

Desire

Why does elation end in disappointment?

Anger

Could understanding anger reduce the violence in the world?

Self-image

Are our images responsible for us being hurt?

Belief

Why are we attached to our beliefs?

Conditioning

Are we aware how much our past influences our present?

Ambition and success

Is there a sting in the tail?

Self-interest

Could understanding our self-interest make us more human?

Loneliness

Is it possible to not feel lonely?

Opinions

How are they formed and how do they affect us?

Habits and Addictions

Overcoming our habits and addictions through awareness

Happiness

Why is it so elusive?

Sorrow

Why do we get hurt?

Relationships

The art of harmonious relationships

Love

The beauty and challenge of love

Death

Can we lose the fear of dying?

Identity

Who am I?

Humanenquiry.com

A website to accompany this book

Letter to a friend

Videos and Online Content

Foreword

Dear Reader,

We all come to ask questions of the life we live for different reasons. Questions like: How can we be happy? What is the purpose of life? Why is the world in such a mess? Is it possible to live without fear, sorrow and conflict? Why do we feel lonely? How can we find love? Why are we constantly dissatisfied? Some of us have a natural curiosity; others are drawn to ask questions because they have experienced conflict or sorrow. Yet, even though we have these questions, many of us do not know how to begin to address them, or where to turn for answers. Many of us think that we are not capable of finding the answers ourselves, or it is too complicated, or as my niece said, “I don’t do philosophy.” The answers to these and many of life’s questions may not lie “out there” but in ourselves. The key is understanding ourselves.

I would like to invite you to join me on a journey of understanding ourselves as we actually are. All human beings share the same consciousness, and thought operates in us in similar ways, so we can explore it together. It really is quite simple. Each of us can ask these questions and discover the truth, by just looking at ourselves more deeply. All we need is the ability to see clearly, ask penetrating questions, and accept what we find. I use the word ‘truth’ here in the most ordinary way, as in observing the fact of something, like the earth is round and revolves around the sun. Or that our brains compare all the time. Or that we all have psychological needs which demand to be met. I attach no religious meaning to the word ‘truth’. I have discovered that in observing the day-to-day truth of how our mind works and understanding how thought operates – which is our consciousness – extraordinary insights are possible, and that leads to a more harmonious and joyful life.

In 1666, Isaac Newton watched an apple fall from a tree in his mother’s garden. Further enquiry into what was behind that fact led him to discover the theory of gravity. You could call that a universal truth. Similarly if we observe the facts of the way thought operates in us, and enquire into the process behind that, we too can make discoveries which may be universal and this will not only help us but all of humanity. Discoveries like behind all anger is a feeling of being hurt, or that behind all our beliefs is a sense of psychological insecurity. In the scientific world a discovered truth can be shared using the written word. In our inner spaces, we need to make these discoveries freshly for ourselves for them to become part of the fabric of our lives. This is a crucial difference.

In this journey there is no distinction between ‘one who knows’ and ‘one who does not know’. Everyone, young and old, formally educated or not, who is willing to question and examine themselves is equally capable of this richness of understanding and can contribute to this exploration.

Truth is universal and applies to us all and can be probed by asking questions. I have found that if the right questions are asked, people of all ages have an uncanny ability to grasp the truth of things. This book provides a framework in which these questions can be explored. The challenge for each of us is to explore these questions freshly ourselves, with passion and commitment.

We all have different moments which affect us deeply and prompt us to change direction in life. One day, I was driving home from work, and I heard the screams of children on a radio news programme. The hospital they were in was in a war zone, and it had just been bombed. That was the catalyst that led me to begin this project. All the conflict in our lives and in the world, all the brutality and wars, are first sparked by conflict in the human heart. The inability to understand and deal with this internal conflict can result in the individual human being reacting with violence. Sadly, that is the world we live in. But, as a result of a deeper understanding of the root of that conflict which is based on how thought operates in us, there comes the possibility of living a more peaceful life within. Can we live without conflict? We all have a responsibility to explore that question, if we want to live with peace in our hearts and for our children to grow up in a peaceful world.

Are we alone in the universe or is there life beyond earth? More than $20 billion was spent worldwide in 2016 alone on space exploration. We human beings are curious, resourceful and passionate about exploring the world around us and getting together to solve the problems we come across. Why have we not given the same importance to explore the world inside us and try and solve the problems we see there? We have not used our energy and passion to explore questions like: Is it possible to live without fear, insecurity and conflict? Can the violence in the world be ended? Why do we struggle to have harmonious relationships? Why are we lonely? We have not challenged ourselves to explore our inner spaces and solve these problems. Perhaps it is time to do so.

All over the world young people are educated to understand the world around them, but not their inner spaces. This leaves them unprepared for life ahead and leads to conflict and sorrow. It would be so much better if this understanding was as much a part of education as reading and writing. Wherever life takes us, that skill of understanding ourselves and others deeply will allow us to be the best we can be, and contribute to the success of our relationships and our endeavours. It could also benefit organisations of all descriptions. A self-aware workforce will have more harmonious interpersonal relationships and this leads to a more productive organisation. Self-aware professionals are more likely to do the right thing by the people they offer their services to.

Scientists are discovering new links between our thinking process and many illnesses. The mind and body are one. The way we think determines the stress we feel and this affects our bodies at a cellular level. Stress reduces the ability of our immune system to fight disease. This contributes to many health problems. But by understanding the link between our thoughts and our stress, that pattern can be broken.

You may use this book in two ways. You could start at the beginning and read through till the end. Or, you could read a chapter that may particularly interest you. I have tried to make each chapter as complete as possible and that is why you may see some ideas repeated across the book. The website humanenquiry.com has additional material which complements this book.

In understanding yourself more deeply you will understand others better, and that gives rise to illumination, compassion and goodness. Ask the questions of yourself. See what emerges. Do not just believe what you read; experience the transformation for yourself. You may find this journey difficult sometimes, but keep going. It may transform your life.

Welcome.

Why Ask Questions of Life?

The Benefits and Art of Enquiry

As I said in the beginning of the book, we are drawn to this process of enquiry, or asking questions of life, for different reasons. The most common reason is when we are faced with a problem, or a sense of emptiness, which we feel unable to resolve. Psychological pain pushes us to ask, “Why?” and look for a solution. I would argue that it is better to begin the enquiry into what it means to be a human being before pain damages the mind and the body. There are others who have a naturally enquiring mind and wonder about the meaning and purpose of life – ‘What is it all about?’

Most of us aspire to live a happy life, free of conflict, with joy, sensitive to the wonder of the world, and in harmony with the people we live with, but if we look at our own lives or of those around us, we see that this aspiration is not so easy to achieve. Why is it that as we get older we seem to lose all our sense of wonder and curiosity that we had as children? These questions and similar ones can be explored through the process of enquiry.

In this chapter we will explore:

Are human beings different or fundamentally the same?The tale of two computers: our operating systemIn what way is this ‘operating system’ hidden from us?‘Self-awareness’ vs ‘awareness of the self’The benefits of enquiryHow do we begin to explore ourselves?

Are human beings different or fundamentally the same?

The short answer is that we are different in many ways, but similar in more ways than we realise. From the day we are born, we are taught that we are one of a kind. We have a unique name and we look different. The structure of our language is such that one of the first words we learn is ‘I’ and we use it so often, in every sentence, that it reinforces our sense of uniqueness. In addition, we are addressed by our name all the time and this adds to our sense of being an individual. We look around us and none of the seven billion people on the planet look the same. So, our sense of uniqueness is reinforced by our looks, our language, the way we are addressed and our culture, which celebrates and praises our uniqueness and achievement.

Yet human beings also have much in common. We are all born and we all die one day. We experience the same spectrum of emotions: fear, loneliness, ambition, jealousy, anger, love, and happiness. We want more tomorrow than we have today. We have many desires, we search for pleasure, and experience sadness. We all react to a situation based on our accumulated past experience. We experience loneliness or restlessness and try to escape from it. Most of the time we are not aware of this loneliness as it is covered up by our constant activity. We have a very capable brain and it invents endless opportunities of escape from our emptiness through pleasure, stimulation and sensation. We develop patterns of reaction and behaviour which repeat themselves throughout our life. We want to be recognised and loved. Our brains compare what we have and who we are with the world around us. We share a hidden self-interest, operating in the background. Therefore psychologically, we are very similar.

Biologically we have even more in common. The difference in our genetic make-up is less than 0.1%. In other words we are 99.9% similar to each other. The difference between our DNA and that of other animals is also very small. We are 96–98% the same as chimpanzees, for example.

The tale of two computers: our operating system

A good analogy to help understand the things that are common to all human beings is to consider the analogy of two computers. The content of the hard drive in those computers, where data is stored, will be different in each of them. Assume, for the sake of this example, that they are running the same operating system in the background, e.g.: Windows. The operating system is the interface between the person and the data storage on the hard drive. This operating system is not visible and acts in the background.

Human beings are similar. Our brains have recorded different experiences in our memory banks. We identify with those memories and experiences and therefore think we are different from each other. But we do not see that our thought processes work in patterns that are common to all human beings. Examples of this would include the constant process of comparison, our sense of emptiness, our need for love, our desires, our fears, our anxieties, and our loneliness. The way thought operates, or our ‘operating system’, is hidden from us, and is the same in all human beings.

In what way is this ‘operating system’ hidden from us?

Take for example the process of comparison. We compare what we perceive with our senses, with what is already in our memory. This happens automatically and we are usually not aware that we are doing this. We do see the effects of it, but not the thinking process behind it. If we see someone doing something we would not do, we are critical. If we see a new phone, we compare it with the one we have, and that may give rise to a desire to own it. If someone else we know is doing better than us, we may feel jealous. We may be critical of our children if they do not do as well in their exams as their peers. We do not see that the process of comparison lies behind all these different events.

In the understanding of this shared ‘operating system’, lie deep riches. We will discover that this operating system is nothing more than patterns of thought and the way they work within us. Our thinking is complex and swift moving, so it requires careful observation to understand how our mind actually works.

‘Self-awareness’ vs ‘awareness of the self’

When people talk about ‘self-awareness’ they are usually referring to studying the contents of their memory. They are referring to studying themselves. This often leads to analysis of cause and effect. We are unhappy today because we were neglected in childhood. Or, we are aggressive because we experienced violence and a lack of love as children. Or, we are sad because someone has left us. This analysis leads to more thoughts, opinions and conclusions being added to the same memory bank.

It is ‘my’ sorrow, ‘my’ fear, and ‘my’ unhappiness. This leads to one thought, triggering another thought, and in turn a cacophony of thoughts, and may lead to confusion. It does not insulate us from sorrow in the future, or help us see the patterns of thinking that caused the sorrow in the first place. Thinking about a psychological problem rarely leads to illumination or its solution.

In ‘self-awareness’ the various hidden structures or patterns of thought continue unchanged. Our self-interest still operates in the background, as does the process of comparison and our need for recognition, power, stimulation and pleasure. Our patterns of thinking and behaviour, and our reactions continue as they were.

In contrast, ‘awareness of the self’ could be described as the study of the operating system that all human beings share. It is not an exclusive process, and not related only to the ‘me’. We may begin by focusing on the causes of our own fears (being alone, dying, having no money) but continue on from there to study the mechanism of fear itself, which all human beings share. Rather than restricting ourselves to the causes of our own sorrow we could explore the basis of sorrow itself. This fear and sorrow is common to all human beings, though the particular things that make us afraid and unhappy will be unique to us. This is a vital difference. Our enquiry moves beyond our own causes of sorrow, to the universal feeling of sorrow itself and the mechanisms behind it.

The benefits of enquiry

Let us consider two examples of the benefits of enquiry. Our enquiry may lead to the realisation that we are all influenced by our accumulated past experiences and we react to each situation based on that past. We may also see that we are usually unaware of this link between our past, our thinking and our actions. Even if we are, our reactions are so quick that we cannot help responding in a particular way. Understanding that others do the same could allow us to view them with compassion, because we would realise that they, like us, are acting from their conditioning. One cannot deny the past or simply wish it away or suppress it, but an awareness of how it affects our present, from moment to moment, gives rise to an intelligence that can break that link between our past experiences and our present thinking and action. This allows us to live in the present and respond freshly to life.

Another example of the potential benefit of enquiry is in the study of belief, which we will explore more fully later. A study into the nature of belief leads us to realise that it is a collection of thoughts that we assume to be true, but for which there is no factual basis. If it is a fact, we would not need to believe in it. That is why it is possible for one person to believe one thing, and a second person to believe another different thing. Some people believe there is an omnipotent God, whereas others do not. No one will argue that the earth does not revolve around the sun. That is a proven fact. We will see that attachment to our beliefs can divide people, communities and nations, and is behind much of the violence between human beings, throughout history. If we go further, we realise that behind the need to believe, which we all share, lies a sense of insecurity, uncertainty and emptiness. Belief helps to cover-up these feelings. The study of belief may bring us to the realisation that it is our insecurity that needs to be addressed and if we can do that, it may be possible to live without an attachment to any belief at all. Ultimately this could lead to an end to all conflicts between people with different beliefs.

The beauty of this approach – of enquiring into the human condition – is that all one needs to do is observe things as they are, as they unfold in us. This illuminates rather than adds to our confusion and it brings humanity together because we are all exploring the same thing. It requires energy, but no effort to change. There is no authority telling us what to do or how to live. It creates no conflict, but rather can result in the ending of all conflict. It does not require us to belong to any group or follow any one religion. It eliminates the risk of being exploited by leaders who are motivated by self-interest and it is based on the fact of who we are as human beings.

How do we begin to explore ourselves?

How do we look at ourselves? Some people (my mother for one), really struggle to understand what it involves and how to begin. If we are in a conversation we could notice how poorly others listen, cutting people off before they have completed a sentence. That is awareness. Noticing the same process in oneself is self-awareness. Realising that all human beings are the same and have a strong need to express themselves because it strengthens the ‘Me’, is awareness of the self.

Asking the right question is the key to uncovering the facts, not according to some authority, but as they reveal themselves in us. As we begin to ask these questions we will begin to form opinions and react to what we find. If we can observe that, and keep enquiring, a rich understanding awaits.

When we ask a question, the first answers come from our memory. These will be our opinions or conclusions on the subject, e.g. ‘It is only human to be jealous’. But, can we look at the fact of jealousy and learn to differentiate that from our opinion about it? Forming opinions about the facts makes the facts recede into the background and our mind becomes full of our opinions and reactions. If we just accept the facts as they emerge and watch them, a beautiful thing happens. Without any effort, intelligence begins to operate and we begin to change in a way that is effortless and lasting.

Exploring the facts will bring us together. We can use our intelligence to discern the truth behind them; on the other hand, exploring our opinions will not enhance our understanding. It may keep us apart, as we will each have an opinion that comes from our conditioning. The temptation is to either justify what we believe, or create an ideal of, ‘Not wanting to be jealous’ for example. Both take us away from an exploration of the facts. Sticking with the facts as we explore these questions is not easy at all. See what emerges.

Can awareness help solve our problems?

It may seem a strange question to ask, but can ‘awareness’ and an understanding of the self, solve the many problems the world is facing? Our initial reaction is that it can only solve our own internal problems, if at all. We are only interested in exploring awareness, if it is going to improve our lives in some way. Could it bring both harmony and peace to our lives and solve many of the world’s problems at the same time?

We may think the big problems in the world, like the environmental crisis, wars, over-population, drug addiction, relationship breakdown and violence are nothing to do with us. We think there are experts and governments working to solve these problems. But, except for natural disasters, many of the world’s problems are linked to the way our minds work. So, if we are to solve them, we need to understand the link between the problems and ourselves. This is not immediately obvious. We will explore the ideas here in more detail throughout the book.

The environmental crisis

The world is facing an environmental crisis caused by an increasing population and increasing consumption. The earth’s resources are being depleted, forests are shrinking, wildlife habitats are under threat, greenhouse gas emissions are rising resulting in climate change, poor air quality in cities is causing health problems – the list is endless.

Here are some facts from the Worldwatch Institute:

Global population will rise to 8.9 billion by 2050.The 12% of the world’s population that lives in North America and Europe accounts for 60% of global consumption.Consumption is rising in India and China and will eventually catch up with the US and Europe.2.8 billion people live in poverty and a billion do not have access to clean water.

Everyone knows that something needs to be done, but nobody knows how to do it. All attempts at controlling greenhouse gas emissions so far have failed. Why? Could the cause and the possible solution to the crisis lie in our consciousness, in the way our minds work?

If we look at ourselves we can see that pleasure is a big driving force in our lives. We are not always aware of this. Pleasure leads to more consumption, both in our need for new experiences, and the enjoyment we get from buying things. We have never questioned why we have this constant thirst for stimulation that pleasure brings. Money buys us pleasure, and that is perhaps one reason we are keen on accumulating as much of it as we can in our lives.

We also have a need for psychological security. We worry about the future and this causes us to accumulate more. It never ends, because psychological insecurity has no end. We always want more than we have. Richer countries have lower birth rates than poorer ones.

It is not possible to impose idealistic solutions on people. History is a testament to that. To tell someone not to drive their car or have more children does not work, without draconian force. The urge for pleasure and security in the human brain is so powerful that it breaks through any rules imposed on it. Without exploring and addressing our need for pleasure and psychological security, we will never solve the environmental crisis.

Being aware of the whole structure of our thinking does bring about a natural intelligence and we may naturally begin to consume less because the thirst for constant pleasure fades away. As our inner insecurity eases, it may result in less need for accumulation and lower birth rates.

To tackle the environmental crisis, we need to begin where the problem originates, in the structure of our thinking process.

Violence and war

There is violence on our streets and between countries, but we think that has nothing to do with us, as individuals. Global military expenditure was $1.7 trillion in 2013, yet 2.8 billion people live in poverty. This is the world our shared human consciousness has created.

According to various estimates more than 200 million people died in the 20th century as a result of wars and oppression. Does this have anything to do with you and me? The patterns of thought that make up our consciousness are the same in you and me, and also in all the people who have been responsible for the 200 million deaths in the last century. That is what unites us.

The feelings of being hurt, getting angry, being violent, and feeling insecure and threatened are common to us all and are also the root cause of violence between countries. The fear of being attacked drives military spending around the world and that fear is the same as the fear you and I experience. The same subtle pleasure that you and I get from exercising power in our lives, is also what drives countries to try and become more powerful. Leaders who are afraid of losing their power end up oppressing others to stay in control, leading to more violence. They have the same feelings of insecurity that you and I do.

Being aware of the patterns of thought behind our feelings of anger, insecurity and our search for power which lead to violence, can bring a natural intelligence into being and a fundamental deep change in ourselves.

Relationship breakdown

Why do human beings struggle to have harmonious relationships with each other? The failure of our relationships causes so many problems, including personal suffering, rising divorce rates, unhappy children, dysfunctional families, and disharmony in the workplace. Conflict in our relationships unites all human beings, rich or poor. It is too simplistic to say it is linked to our ‘ego’. Our urge to have our psychological needs met by others, our need to have our own way, our images and our reaction to getting hurt are some of the factors that contribute to strained relationships. Most of these factors operate in the background, beyond our awareness. By understanding these patterns of thinking we could have more harmonious relationships. By exploring this with young people throughout our education system we could create a more harmonious world in a single generation.

Drug, tobacco and alcohol addiction

The cost of drug addiction in the US alone is estimated to be between $400–500 billion per year. This takes into account the cost of crime, healthcare and lost productivity. The American Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates the cost of excess alcohol consumption to be $226 billion per year. It also estimates the economic cost of smoking in the US is $300 billion per year. Add figures from the rest of the world and it is trillions of dollars.

So much misery is caused by illegal drugs, alcohol and tobacco addiction, and a lot of money is spent trying to solve these problems, with limited success. These addictions damage our health and our relationships. If one looks at all three in perspective, we realise that none of them are essential for human survival or our health. So why do people crave them?

They all have one thing in common. They are an easy source of pleasure and an escape from our sense of emptiness and restlessness. We become attached to, and occasionally addicted to, whatever brings us pleasure.

It is perhaps worth asking what is it about human consciousness that makes us seek pleasure and want to escape? Life is only in the moment, so why do we want to escape from it? Why are we uncomfortable in the moment we are in?

Awareness and understanding offer the possibility of freedom from the constant search for pleasure and wanting to escape from the moment we are in. In that quietness, by seeing the truth of our emptiness and being with it, a natural intelligence emerges and right action follows, which is effortless. In that process we may avoid our tendency to get addicted and overcome any addictions we may have.

Obesity

The consultancy firm McKinsey estimates that 2.1 billion people worldwide are obese and it costs the UK alone about £47 billion/year. 25% of the people in the UK are obese and 37% are overweight. Contrast this with the 2.8 billion people living in poverty worldwide who do not get enough to eat every day.

As we will explore elsewhere in this book, we have many psychological needs and there is a strong urge to fulfil them. This makes us insensitive to our own body, and its need for the right food and exercise. Our relationships and our bodies become vehicles for our psychological needs to be fulfilled. We use food and drink as a source of pleasure and comfort, and over-eat as a result. All these urges act in the background and we are not aware of them. All the government programmes to tackle obesity have not succeeded. In fact the problem is getting worse and experts predict a doubling of diabetes cases in 20 years.

Awareness offers a way to understand this problem from a different perspective. By becoming deeply aware of our eating habits and how we use food as a source of pleasure, we may become more sensitive to our bodies’ needs. This would address the problem at its root.

Education is the key

Throughout the world, millions of children go to school and study for years till they start work. Could understanding our human condition as it is, by asking questions, be incorporated into all education systems worldwide? If we could do this, there would be the possibility of a fundamental and deep change in society. There would be no need for a new ideology, a new leader, or a new belief system. The minds of all human beings work in fundamentally similar ways. Our consciousness is the same. We just need to observe and understand ourselves as we are, with passion and without judgement. This understanding would allow a natural intelligence to operate and we could begin to address many of the problems humanity faces in a generation.

Many people reading this will say, “It is impossible for human beings to change,” but let us not say that without making any effort to find out. That’s what they said when President Kennedy predicted in 1961 that within the decade a man would walk on the moon. The only way to climb a mountain is to take the first step. Understanding and accepting ourselves as we are is that first step.

Awareness

How do we begin to look at ourselves?

A police officer shoots a young man dead in London, because he thought he was carrying a gun and was about to fire it. A riot followed in several cities and several people were injured.

I am crossing a road. I sense from the corner of my eye that a car is coming at me, and the driver has not seen me. I jump out of the way. I do it without thinking.

I walk past a beautiful new sports car. It looks brand new and has a handsome looking man at the wheel. I see all this, but also become aware of a feeling that rises in me saying, “I want one of those cars.”

An old lady on a medical ward had been slowly losing the power in her legs over four weeks. It was very well documented. No one thought of the possibility that she had a problem with her spinal cord and was becoming paralysed.

I see a patient complaining of a backache. It is a common problem. I do not know what it is, but there is something about his story that makes me suspect this is not an ordinary backache and I order a set of scans. They show he has a cancer in the abdomen, which was referring pain to his back. Is this intuition?

The common thread running through these stories is that they all involve our ability to see clearly. Depending on the context we give this ‘seeing’ different names – perception, awareness and intuition – but they are all linked and their meanings can overlap as well. I prefer to work with the term ‘seeing clearly’, as it includes all three meanings. For the purposes of this chapter I have used the word perception to indicate what we observe in the world outside, using our sensory organs of sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch. I have used the word awareness to indicate what we observe is happening internally to our body, and also what we are thinking and feeling. I have used the word intuition to indicate a sense of ‘knowing’ something, but not understanding the process or how we arrived at that conclusion.

It is worth exploring this subject because what we see (again, I use the word ‘see’ in its broadest sense and not just to denote a visual image) defines our reality and our reality determines how we feel and act in the world. The ability to see clearly is an art. Quite often there is a difference between what we think we are seeing and the facts in front of us, leading us to come to the wrong conclusions. If we are not careful, these mistaken conclusions can lead to decisions that may affect us adversely as well.

Though you and I may look at the same situation and come to different conclusions, the operating system – the process of seeing – is the same. If we explore this process and uncover its many subtleties, there is the potential to live a more intelligent life without the pitfalls of misunderstanding.

The ability to see clearly is vital, but is not as universal or easy to acquire as we may imagine. In fact, the word ‘seer’ refers to ‘one who sees clearly’ and in some cultures also refers to a prophet, or a person with moral and spiritual insight. Thus, the ability to see clearly (or perceive clearly) can not only help us in our relationships and day-to-day life, but also help us in the process of self-awareness and the enquiry into life’s eternal questions.

In this chapter we will explore:

What is perception?Factors affecting our perceptionCan perception let us down?Perception and realityPerception and actionReality vs the truth (or the fact)What is intuition?What is self-awareness?Integrating perception and awarenessObserving ourselvesWhat effect has this understanding had on my life?

What is perception?

The dictionary definition of ‘perception’ is the organisation, identification and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment. It is influenced by memory, learning, expectation and attention. It involves all our senses: our sensory organs of sound, touch, sight, taste and smell all receive vital information from the environment. The sensory organs then translate these inputs into electrical signals, which are sent to the brain, where these signals interact with memory and are interpreted. Based on that interpretation, there is a response or action from memory or other parts of our brain. For example, we may see a tree and a person next to it, while at the same time hearing a guitar the person is playing. Our process of perception recognises the tree and the person, gives them both names, appreciates the music being played and generates a response – perhaps calling out to the person. Because we get simultaneous input from many senses, the brain uses a combination of stimuli to interpret the world. For example, a combination of lip-reading and the sound one hears is used to understand what the person is saying.

Factors affecting our perception

Our perception is vital as a protective instinct when we are in danger. At lightning speed – so quick we do not know it is happening – the brain sees something, interprets it and reacts. All we see is our reaction and the reaction of others. This process is automated to protect us from danger. For example if one is walking across a road and we see from the corner of our eye a car coming towards us, in that moment the brain has seen an object, compared what it has seen with its memory bank, identified it as a car, understood it is a dangerous situation and reacted to move one away. But perception can be influenced by many factors.

Perception can be influenced by our state of attention. If we are not paying attention, we will not notice what is happening. Our perception is hampered if we are tired or thinking of other things. If our job requires us to be really vigilant, we need to understand the factors that may interfere with our perception, and attention is one of them.

The environment we are in and our expectations also influence perception. A police officer on patrol in a crime-ridden neighbourhood is much more likely to interpret a sharp sound as a gunshot than anything else, or is more likely to interpret the behaviour of a young man as suspicious and act accordingly, sometimes with tragic consequences – as noted above, in the shooting that triggered the London riots.

Our perception is being continuously modified by our experiences and what we have learned. If a surgeon has made a mistake in a previous operation, because he did not see an abnormal blood vessel or nerve, he is more likely to be watchful and not repeat this mistake again.

But, the biggest influence on our perception is when the electrical impulses from our sensory organs reach our brain and interact with our memory. Psychologists say that the eyes do not see what the mind does not know. One encounters this in hospitals, frequently. When there is a junior doctor on call in the emergency department, the risk does not lie in him not being able to deal with a major accident victim: he knows there is a problem and can shout for help. The real worry is when he sees something but does not understand that there is a problem. A child presenting with a rash for example may have a critical condition, which could develop into a life-threatening illness (meningococcal infection in the bloodstream for example), or it could be just an allergic rash. Being able to tell the difference is vital, but if the doctor does not know the difference, he will not spot the problem. The brain likes to recognise things it already knows. If it has no previous knowledge of what it is seeing, it may just overlook it.

Can perception let us down?

We rarely seem to doubt our perception, but there are many factors that influence it. In some cases we may not notice something at all (like a car in our wing mirror), or in others see something that isn’t there (like a mirage which shows there is a sheet of water on a hot road while driving, caused by the refraction of light), or we may misinterpret what we are seeing. You only need to search for ‘optical illusions’ on the Internet to find many examples of where our perception does not reveal the truth of what is actually happening.

Now take the example of two people walking down a road. One sees a snake and reacts. The other sees it as a piece of rope lying on the ground and just carries on walking. The object is the same. The reactions are different. It is obvious that one person has identified the object as a snake, and the other, as a rope, but the difference lies in the content of the individual’s memory, and the expectations of the two people walking down that road. So, it is clear that our perception of a situation depends on how it is processed in our memory. That processing is hidden from us. We rarely doubt what we see. Since our perception is coloured by our memory, and our memory is limited, it follows that our perception is as well. It is therefore sensible to ask ourselves if there is another way of looking at a situation we are observing.

A friend of mine was studying psychology and all the students were set an assignment where they were asked to give a view on how to respond to a domestic quarrel between a couple. What astonished her was that there were 10 different opinions on how to respond to the same situation. She had gone to the class thinking that hers was the only correct way to respond and she had not considered that there could be so many different ways of perceiving the same situation. Stepping back from it all one can see what is happening clearly: each person’s perception and reaction is based on how the question is processed in their memory. Since each person has a different memory bank the perceptions are different.

Perception and reality

Our perception defines our reality – and we rarely question our perception or our reality. We are convinced that we are right and therefore the other person must be wrong. We never stop to ask, “Is there another way of looking at this situation?” Our instinctive reactions are so powerful, so quick and cause such instant changes in our feelings that we cannot appreciate that they may be flawed.

As I write this, there are several wars going on around the world. In the middle of all this innocent people have died and been injured. Each group on opposing sides of the conflict is certain that their perspective is correct. They cannot see another way of looking at the same situation and so the conflicts never end. Whilst I look at war and feel repulsed by all that violence, I also see that the same mechanisms that create these different perspectives that lead to war, are in me too. I am also quick to judge, convinced I am right in most situations, never pause to question my perception of a situation and feel attacked and threatened when my view is challenged.

A friend of mine who is a single parent called me recently and was very upset. She felt her daughter had wilfully ignored her at a party and she immediately felt hurt and tearful. Her reaction was instantaneous and powerful. Later when they talked about it, it turned out that her daughter was just busy having a good time! Everything calmed down and the pain eased. If my friend had just paused to question her perception of the situation, she may not have got so upset.

To see a situation clearly needs sensitivity and an enormous depth of understanding of the mechanism behind that perception. Our past shapes our view of things and we see things through the prism of our memory. By questioning and changing our perception of a situation, we can change the way we react to it and how it makes us feel and thus, we can change our reality. This is the basis of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is used by psychologists to treat anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses.

Sometimes our perception changes naturally over time. When I first came to England and saw women smoking, I was very critical. I had been brought up in India where women rarely smoked in those days. Now, many years later, I accept that they do and it does not bother me. What changed? My memory bank did. I started seeing so many women smoking it became the norm in my memory and so my reaction to the situation changed.

Are you familiar with the expression, ‘A pessimist sees the glass half empty, an optimist see the glass half full’? This proverb shows how the same situation can be seen in different ways and that it affects the way we feel about a situation, a person, or life in general. I am sure you have met both kinds of people before. I see this at work. Some patients admitted to hospital will have good things to say about their care and overlook any small deficiencies. Others tend to focus on the few small things that they thought were not right and get really upset and complain (about the lack of food choices for example, or the fact that their dinner was not hot enough, or that it took the nurse five minutes to arrive after they pressed the buzzer). Yet, the care the patients receive is the same. Their perception defines their reality and they are either happy or miserable.

Coming home after a long flight overseas, I’ve often had my bags go missing. As I queued patiently at the baggage counter to fill in the paperwork, there were always two types of people: those who accepted that these things happen sometimes and are quite relaxed and just want to get home, and those who get upset. The fact is, the bag has not made it onto the flight. The person who is upset cannot perceive that there is a different way of seeing the same situation.

Perception and action

Sometimes in our lives, perception and action seem to be one. We act as soon as we see something. Here are some examples, but you could add to this list yourself:

If I am driving and see a child cross the road, I brake instantly.If I see a glass or flower vase falling, having been knocked over by someone, I try and grab it quickly.If someone tries to attack me, I take instant defensive action.

Yet, in other areas of life, there is a long delay between perception and action, or in some cases an indefinite one. Here are a few examples, but please add to this list:

If someone is really unhappy in a job and the boss is a bully, they can continue in it for years before making a change.This also applies to people in abusive or failed relationships, where it is obvious there is no hope of happiness. People stick around in these relationships for many years.People who smoke, or have some other addiction, know that their addiction is bad for them, yet they can take many years to break the habit, if they do at all.

Perhaps in areas where there is instant action there is no thinking involved. Where thought intervenes between perception and action, then action does not necessarily follow quickly, or sometimes, not at all.

There may be situations in life where we need to gather all the facts before making a decision – picking which school or college to go to for example. In this case it is reasonable to wait before a decision is made. There are other situations where all the facts are before us and are not going to change. In these cases why do we not act? I speak with my patients about the effects of smoking on their health, and while they all agree it is bad for them and the people they live with, they feel they are unable to stop. I give them the example of a truck coming towards them at speed as they are standing in the middle of the road. They would get out of the way without thinking because they see the danger they are in – wouldn’t they? They would not stop to think about getting out of the way, promise to try to get out of the way, or get help to get out of the way. They would just move. Perhaps they are unable to stop smoking because they do not see clearly the danger it poses, and because they think about stopping, which often postpones action.

Reality vs the truth (or the fact)

We have explored how most people have a unique perception of a situation. We would like to think our truth is the truth. We therefore tend to respond to different perspectives by saying, “There is a different truth for everyone.” This avoids the need to question our views further. It is logical that there is usually only one set of facts. Consider again the example of two people walking down a road, one of whom sees a snake and the other a rope. It can only be a snake or a rope, not both. This is a pretty clear example when a physical object is involved. It is much more difficult when we are looking at a situation or listening to someone speak.

When two or more people gather to discuss a situation or subject, this understanding – that there are many ways of seeing the same thing – could lead to a different way of approaching the discussion. In a group situation, it would be fascinating if each person were able to set their own perception aside and could explore the situation from different perspectives, rather than just their own. If someone has a view, it could be explored by asking more questions about it, to try and understand why they see it that way. Or others could suggest reasons why someone’s view may be correct. This involves putting the ‘self’ aside, and being free to explore without a centre. This is an art that needs to be learned, because our instinct is to rapidly come to a conclusion and stick to it, no matter what another person is saying. But exercising this more holistic approach would reduce friction and conflict, and may also allow the actual facts to emerge, allowing for consensus and better decision-making. If people enter a discussion with this spirit of openness and an intention to search for the facts, it could make so much difference to human dialogue in all walks of life.

Solutions usually lie in studying the problem without any preconceptions. To do so we first need to agree on the facts. We cannot do that if our perception is biased, flawed or incomplete. Understanding that is the first step in seeing things clearly.

What is intuition?

Intuition is defined as ‘the ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning’. It is a form of perception without the use of rational thinking. Some authors describe it as ‘perception by the unconscious’. I have seen intuition at work in my medical career. There have been several occasions when a patient came in with a set of complaints, but my intuition or ‘sixth sense’ suggested the real problem lay elsewhere. Often I was proved right. It did take a leap of faith to trust my intuition because I had few rational facts to back it up. As I progressed in my medical career I began to trust my intuition more. I was not always right, but I learned to at least become aware of it and give it due consideration.

A friend who is a pediatrician has a similar degree of intuition about children who are unwell, but he does not know how he came to have it. He probably would not have this ability in the art world, for example. Likewise, an art expert may know intuitively that a painting is a fake, but may not be able to explain how he knows this.

It seems that intuition operates within the field of knowledge we’ve already gained, at a subconscious level, but we cannot see, or don’t understand how we came by this knowledge. Paradoxically, it’s possible to have an intuition about a person you know well, but also a person you’ve just met for the first time.

Intuition does require a degree of sensitivity. We cannot be sensitive if our mind is full of preconceptions, thoughts, opinions and noise. To be deeply sensitive to the person or situation in front of you requires a sense of quietness within. The awareness of what it is telling us feels strange at first, because we do not know where the thought has come from, nor what facts back it up.

What is self-awareness?

Awareness and perception are sometimes used interchangeably but for the purposes of this chapter, I will use the term awareness to refer to our ability to notice what is happening to us internally – to our body and in our mind.

We are aware of sensations like hunger, fear, anger, tiredness, and anxiety. That is part of our ability to be aware of what is happening to our body. We are also aware of any physical changes in the body: if we are stiff, have pain, or are feeling bloated having eaten too much. We are also aware of our thoughts and thinking processes. We remember what we have been thinking and we are aware of the feelings generated by our thinking. We are aware of our motives, can evaluate our behaviour and compare it to our own standards. This is all part of awareness. It is a unique quality we humans have and scientists are yet to fully understand the neural mechanisms behind it. Awareness is different from external perception because it does not involve the sensory organs.

External perception and internal awareness are seamlessly integrated in the brain to feel like one process. As I sit in the room and look out of the window on this cold, grey January morning…

My perception takes in the world around me. I see the trees are bare. There is a strong wind blowing and the branches are swaying. The wind is also making a noise that I hear. There are raindrops on the window, so it has been raining. The sky is a dark grey. Voices from the kitchen drift upstairs to the room where I am writing.I am aware how my body is feeling – I was sitting cross-legged earlier so my joints are stiff and I also notice I have a slight backache.I am aware of my breathing, the steady rise and fall of my chest. I also notice that the air going into my nostrils is cooler than the air coming out.I notice my thoughts as they come and go. They sometimes react to the world outside. I wonder if there is a storm coming, and also when the sun will appear. It has been a few days since I saw it. Bits of conversations from the last few days pop into my head and trigger other thoughts. The thoughts keep coming like waves on a shore. I become aware that the tea I am drinking has gone a bit cold, so I go to the kitchen to heat it.I notice that when I am thinking something I do not hear the wind blowing outside. It seems thinking affects my awareness. If I am thinking I cannot be aware. This feels like a revelation.As I listen to the wind outside, a thought arrives and I stop being aware of the noise it is making. That thought triggers other thoughts. Just like we have no awareness of the moment we fall asleep, I am not aware of the moment a thought arrives and I wander off with it.I seem to suddenly become aware that I have been thinking, and I ‘wake up’ to the present moment. I remember what I have been thinking, and become aware of the sound of the wind again, as it blows through the trees. I also become aware of my breathing. I realise that if I am thinking, I am not present in the moment. That seems like an important fact. I see that if I am absent from the moment, I am not alive in the present.I notice that the quieter my mind and thinking process is, the more sensitive I am to what is happening around and inside me.If I ‘try’ to be aware of everything outside and inside me, I seem to struggle, and get frustrated, always being interrupted by one thought or another.If I just watch the thoughts as they arise, they naturally die away. I am then left with a silence in which I can hear the wind howling and am also aware of my breathing. I see that ‘trying to be silent’ actually negates it, and does not work. I see that I cannot stop my thoughts with effort, but if I am able to just watch them, they naturally die away. This may not last long, but that silence feels really beautiful and the entire body senses it as well. This also feels like an important fact.If I am very observant, I also notice there is a ‘me’ recording everything, commenting on everything, deciding what to do next.If my awareness takes in the ‘me’ recording everything as well as noticing my thoughts, and my body and my breathing, the silence deepens (I know that may not make sense, but if you experience it for yourself, you will see what I mean).

When I reflect on how I observe things: