We have a God who heals! E-Book

Petra Bouren

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 160

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Concept of family constellations on a Christian basis What prevents us from living our relationships freely, lovingly, peacefully and authentically? Often it is unprocessed negative experiences from the past, from childhood, often even traumatic experiences that our families, parents or grandparents had to suffer through. Family constellations offer the possibility of recognizing the causes of relationship disturbances and to remove them through rituals and to clear the way for healing of relationships and conflicts. Is family constellation compatible with the Christian faith? How does a family constellation proceed? The book contains a concept of family constellation on a Christian and biblical basis. Participants of the annual group "Christian Family Constellation" report about their experience: We have a God who heals!

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Foreword

How I came to write this book

Introduction: On the Way Together

Annual Group "Christian Family Constellation”

Part I: Christian Family Constellations

The red thread in my life

The wall

Basic topics of a constellation

Setting boundaries

Proximity and distance

Shame

Abuse

Perpetrator - Victim

Violence

Projection

Marriage - the coming together of two systems

How a family constellation works

Spiderweb

Question

Genogram

Family motto

Deputy

Knowing field

Primal Conflict - Place of Healing

Symbols

Final image - solution image

My first family constellation as an example

Part II: Topics of a constellation

The apple of God's eye versus family structure

The Story of David in the Bible

The role of the father

From partner to father

Taking on the role of mother

Longing

Farewell - Letting go

Deaths within the family

I am not perceived

I have a good place

Miscarriage and abortion

The plantar wart

Joseph and his brothers

Home

Physical pain as an expression of the soul

Heel spur

Reaction to the Constellation

The absence of maternal love

Difficulties with children

Family Secrets

The wounds of war

Peace with the Father

The horror of war

Traumatically induced childlessness

Part III: Other Constellation Forms

Family of origin

Clarification Constellation

Organizational Constellation

Assaults in the field

Constellation of the situation

Conflict level

Coming to terms with the perpetrators

Family of origin - own contribution

Themes from Stefanie's Organizational Constellation

Employer's duty of care

Cultural background

Acknowledge - integrate into life

Implementation of the demarcation

I am not heard

Conclusion: Courage is good!

Family constellations in the forge

Our profound fear

Courage is good!

Appendix

Foreword

"A vision becomes a reality when I have the courage, to go beyond my limits."

Lena Meichsner

How I came to write this book

Keep watch over your heart with all care; so you will have life

(Proverbs 4:23)

It was a very moving moment for me at the end of January 2016, when I said goodbye to the training group after two and a half years of training as a family constellator with Dr. Victor Chu in Neckargemünd. I was in the starting blocks to put what I had learned into practice. My trainer, Dr. Victor Chu, confirmed me in my abilities. He commissioned and blessed me for the task that now lay ahead of me. He encouraged me to implement my project, a year group "Family Constellations in the Christian realm". His saying: "I am curious to see where you will be in three years" has motivated me ever since and gives me strength for this project.

The months of March and April 2016 were "practice months" in my circle of friends. It was a time when I was confronted in many conversations with questions like these: "Is family constellation even compatible with our faith? What about constellating people who have already died?" The more I dealt with people and their thoughts as well as their questions, the more often I answered them, the more my own concept of the "Christian Family Constellations” developed. My ideas of family constellations based on Christian and biblical thinking, which I present in this book, became clearer and clearer. It became clearer and clearer to me what I would like to pass on.

On 10 May 2016 I went public with my constellation work. I invited through the church association KAB (Catholic Workers' Movement) to an open evening to "get to know Christian family constellations", which was attended by 17 people. Again I was confronted with many questions. Also from this evening many conversations developed. I encouraged the participants to take part in the "taster evenings" in the next two months in order to get to know my way of working. After another open evening in September, I offered the first block of the annual group "Christian Family Constellations" starting in October 2016.

As I continued to "move forward", a new project developed: "Family Constellations in the Forge", which I now offer together with my friend Petra on their farm. The participants come primarily from the church sector. New questions arose: "What is the difference between traditional family constellations and Christian family constellations? What is "Christian" about your constellation work? Can family constellations also be found in the Bible or what does the Bible say about it?" The new suggestions challenged me to deal with these thoughts as well.

People kept asking me, "Why don't you write a book?" The thought never left my mind. And now I'm going to do it! It is a very personal book. Mosaic pieces from conversations I've had flow into it, questions I've encountered again and again over the past year. David serves as an example from the Bible. My own experiences with family constellations, as well as experiences I have had together with the year group within the past year, serve as inspiration for the book. It is a collaborative project, as the participants from our group have agreed to let others share their experiences with "Christian Family Constellations". The participants report their own experiences on the individual topics within family constellations (for their own protection under someone else's name). Some topics also appear in my book that did not arise within our group, but which I have included from the time of my training. For reasons of readability, I generally use the masculine form; of course, this also always refers to the female participants.

Family constellation has brought a lot of healing into my life. I am a Christian and have a personal relationship with Jesus. My concept "Christian Family Constellation" is built on this foundation. It is my concern to let this possibility of healing flow into our Christian and church circles. I am convinced that God is working in our lives and wants healing for us. In the constellations I have experienced again and again that God touches the soul of the human being, gives insight and heals.

With my book I want to make my own, newly developed concept known and help Christians to get their own picture of family constellations.

Introduction:

On the road together

"All that is real in life is encounter."

Dr. Martin Buber

Annual Group "Christian Family Constellations"

I understand family constellations as a process that takes place over a longer period of time. A group that meets regularly once a month in a protected setting is suitable for this. The evening begins with an impulse, i.e. a story for reflection. In the exchange that follows, each person can share what the past constellation has done for him or her or what is currently on his or her mind. One family constellation takes place per evening. Not only my "own constellation" has an effect on my life, but from every constellation I experience I can find aspects in my life. At the end there is a "flash light": everyone shares in short words how they are feeling at the moment. What has happened is rounded off, the bag is "tied" before going home. The evening ends with a summarizing and concluding prayer.

In order to give each other a protected framework, it is important that what happens in the group stays in the group. Everyone who chooses to participate in such a group commits to the confidentiality. For a dynamic group process it is important that the participants attend the meetings in a binding manner, that means participating regularly. A binding group enables familiarity and openness. One walks a common path with each other in a protected setting, whereby everyone decides the speed of their own process.

Usually a family constellation is only the beginning of a process. As a participant I may go home with the knowledge that the constellation only shows as much as the family system and the constellating person themselves allow. However, a single constellation is usually not enough to untie the knots of a life. Further constellations are necessary. They reveal new aspects, new perspectives from a different angle.

The protected framework, the accompanied process, is important for the method of family constellations, since the process of looking at and then stepping out of the previous family structures is a profound process. I would like to take thoughts from the film "Titanic" as an example. The main character Rose, from a venerable English family but now impoverished family, is supposed to marry one of the richest men in England to save her family. However, she does not love this man. In desperation, she wants to throw herself over the railing to escape the whole situation. In the process, she is "seen" by a penniless young painter who persuades her to climb back down from the railing. She falls in love with him, as she feels perceived by him and "seen" as she really is. This gives her the strength to break away from conventional family structures and start a new life under a new identity in America, even without her "savior". With the Titanic had to sink an entire ship for Rose to break free from the rigid structures of her family of origin.

This stepping out of the old structures causes fear. We are confronted with feelings like fear, anger, powerlessness and pain. With the things from our old life, which we have, until now "covered", pushed aside and repressed. It is not an easy process. The steps on new ground are still shaky and uncertain, but there I would like to call out to the reader with the song of "Youth with a Mission": "Take in, take in the good land that God gives you". You don't have to walk the path alone, HE goes the way with you and puts people at your side (for example through a year group) who choose a similar way and therefore also understand you within your process of change.

Josefa:

I have very good friends who have told me again and again about the year group, and also about how important these evenings are for them, because they offer the opportunity to come to terms with one's own life story. Through this exchange, our conversations took on a new quality and depth. At some point the idea came up that I should also take part in such an evening. With the invitation, the friend gave me the feeling that he wanted to give me a gift.

In my life, until recently, no performance requirement was too much. I had the idea that I could do and manage everything. But I am a "unfree" perfectionist. At some point my heart said, "I can't go on like this". I could no longer climb a mountain, climb any stairs without getting out of breath.

A conversation with a friend made me think about what the word "breathless" means in my life and what could be the background for my heart complaints. I researched on the internet and found out that heart complaints indicate unresolved conflicts within the family, the partnership or other areas of life. The breathlessness showed that there is a need to pause, to look inward from the outside.

At this point, when I encountered the possibility of a family constellation through my friends, I knew this was my path. On the first evening I was very excited, as I always am when I meet people I don't know or find myself in situations that are new and that I can't assess. At the same time, I felt secure because my friends were also a part of the group. I found that it wasn't just my friends that made me feel safe, but that there was a respectful, trusting, and loving demeanor in the group that made my fears disappear. After that evening, I decided that the long journey (200 km) was worth it.

I feel very comfortable within the year group because I was able to get to know people in a way that is rarely possible otherwise. It's not about looking good, it's about developing. At the same time, my confidence is high that I am also carried in the group with uncomfortable feelings such as powerlessness, fear, anger, vulnerability, insecurities and so forth.

Part I:

Christian Family Constellation

"Let's start being who we want to be."

The common thread in my life

My love for you is an eternal love, so with mercy I have made you come with me

(Jeremiah 31:3)

I was born in 1959, at the end of the 1950s, in the post-war period, a time of reconstruction. Both my parents had lived through the war and now it was time to build something. My mother had little household money to provide for the family as it all went into our business, vines and fields. Land ownership was very important in those days. "Schaffe, schaffe Häusle baue.", work, work, work, was the motto of our family. Our everyday life was marked by work. We had a glazing shop and it was a matter of course that I was the "second man" behind the machines in the afternoons after school and that my mother helped on the building site. There was no time for dates with friends or hobbies. When I started my apprenticeship as a bank clerk in 1977, someone was hired in our glazing shop to replace me. My brothers, who were born in the 60s, experienced their childhood in a completely different way.

My apprenticeship in a bank was a very enjoyable time for me: we were like one big family. Even today, I still maintain good contacts with my former colleagues. After my apprenticeship, in the summer of 1980, I had the opportunity to take unpaid leave. I worked for three months in Zermatt (Switzerland) in a restaurant. It was a time of freedom and new experiences. I suddenly had friends and could enjoy the time with other young people. Every day in the evening a group met in the restaurant where I worked. It was not long before I was also part of this group. A young person from our group from Zermatt was sent by his hotel for some time to the "Hörnlihütte" a hut at the foot of the Matterhorn. Nevertheless, in order to meet with us as a group, he set off late in the evening for Zermatt, despite bad weather. He "fell into the depths" on the descent into the village.

The death of this friend led me into a severe life crisis. Our group broke up. I vacillated between returning to the bank in Germany and taking a job in Zermatt. Even at home with my parents, there were conflicts. Why did God allow this? I had friends for the first time in my life and now Franky's death was taking that community away from me. When my mother asked me on the afternoon of December 24, 1980, if I didn't want to go to confession, all my rebellion against God burst out of me. I blamed Him for everything: for Franky's death and for my present situation. This invitation to confession, however, left me no peace. Just before the end of the confession time, I took my bicycle and rode to the church. There, in preparation for confession, I placed the shambles of my life into Jesus' hands. Since then, I have seen Jesus' guidance in my life like a red thread.

I went back to Zermatt were I experienced my first steps in faith during my stay there. We were a group of about 60 people between the ages of 15 and 91 who met every Monday for the "Bible and Prayer" prayer group. We young people in particular experienced a very beautiful fellowship with one another, went skiing together, we took part in various Christian meetings together. We were very happy to be able to share our prayers with others in Switzerland, and we loved singing Christian songs together. Often the worship of our prayer evening continued afterwards in one of Zermatt's inns, which did not particularly please the landlords.

In 1983, five participants in our prayer group, including myself, attended a "Discipleship Training School" (short Bible school with an emphasis on evangelism) together from "Youth with a Mission" in Biel. A time followed in which I was able to experience God's blessing in my life. A time in which many gifts and abilities could show themselves and develop in my life. I discovered my heart for children, began training as a catechist, worked and lived within a parish community in Valais and helped to build up a prayer group within the parish. I loved the mountains and Switzerland; however, the Swiss authorities threw a wrench in my life plans. My work permit was not renewed. I could not continue and finish my training as a catechist, and I had to leave Switzerland.

This was followed by a one-year internship in a religious hospital. I was confronted with illness and death, attended a seminar on dying and had conversations with many dying people in their last days in relation to faith. With one of the nuns I could always talk about individual patients and their process.

My path led me back to my former working-place in the bank. In my free time I built up a prayer group with a vicar. Together we conducted various faith seminars in our area.

During this time I participated in a ski camp of "Youth with a Mission" in Adelboden (Switzerland). At our prayer evening during the ski camp I received the following impulse, for me a clear promise: God has a plan for my life, he will use me in a greater measure than I can imagine myself.

These thoughts reminded me of my childhood, of my First Communion preparation, where our priest led me to Jesus. I can still remember the moment when I returned from communion to the pew and placed my life in Jesus' hands. The desire to go on mission had been growing in my heart since my Communion. This desire, after this promise, took more and more shape, that is, to live as a family in the mission, if possible within the Catholic Church.