What Happy Working Mothers Know E-Book

Cathy L. Greenberg

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 344

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2009

Beschreibung

A fact-based and proven approach to help working mothers rediscover happiness as they balance their duties at home and work Science and sociology have made great strides in understanding what makes us happy and how we achieve it. For working mothers who face endless demands on their time and attention, What Happy Working Mothers Know provides scientifically proven and practical ways to find the right balance and replace stress with happiness. Written by a behavioral scientist and global leadership guru, and an international lawyer and career coach, this mom-friendly guide offers practical tactics that truly work. The demands of juggling work and home lead many women to try to do everything and be everything to everyone. In the effort to be Superwoman, many women lose sight of what makes them happy and they fail to realize how important their happiness is to being a good worker and a good mother. The key to being your best at everything you do is to take care of your happiness the way you take care of your health, through conscious choices every day. You'll learn to overcome obstacles, apply lessons learned at work to your motherhood skills, and learn lessons from your children that you can apply at work. * Includes interactive activities that illustrate important lessons in the book * Shows you how to use positive psychology to shift from a scarcity mentality to an abundance mentality for workplace success * Helps you tap into your own sense of joy every day for your own happiness and the happiness of those around you * Science-based and packed with real case studies of real working moms * Written by authors with impeccable qualifications and real-world experience Many moms raise great kids and achieve the professional success they desire and deserve, but if they aren't happy, what's the point? This book doesn't show you how to have it all, but how to have all the things that really matter.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Praise

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 - Happiness Is Not a Luxury; It’s a Necessity

You Deserve Happiness

What Is Happiness?

State of Being

Abundance Mentality

The “Perfect” Myth

Your Own “Perfect”

Wants, Needs, and Becoming Better

On-the-Job Training

Why Bother with Happiness?

In the Workplace

At Home

Your Happiness: Luxury or Not?

Achieving Your Own Happiness

Living the Dream

Chapter 2 - The Science of Happiness

It’s in Your Makeup

Happiness Equation

Female/Male Differences

Happiness and Success

Happiness and Stress

Happiness and Science

The Positive Influence

Positive Psychology

Heart Intelligence and Happiness

Chapter 3 - How to Put the H.A.P.P.Y. in Happy Working Mother

H Is for Healthy: Your Physical and Mental Health

Feed Your Brain, Don’t Starve Your Body

Your Emotional Health

Harnessing the Energy

The Guilt Factor

A Is for Adaptive

PP as in Proud of Your Work/Proud of Being a Mother

Understanding Your Personal Values

Motherhood Is Not a Competitive Sport

Y as in Young at Heart

Chapter 4 - Guilt—What Is It Good For?

Understanding the Culprit

The (Monetary) Value of a Mother

It Comes from Within

A Matter of Priorities

Your Priorities

Comfortable Ambitions

Get Savvy

Workplace Realities

Self-Perception in the Workplace

Chapter 5 - When Mom’s Not Happy, No One Is Happy!

The Happiness Traps

Money Matters

Whose Needs?

Resentment

I Am What I Do

Setting Your Pace

Self-Doubt

Unhappiness

Family-Unfriendly Workplaces

Chapter 6 - What about the Kids?

Children Thrive in Happy Families

About Quality

The Myth Debunked

Children of Working Moms Thrive

Research Discounts Claims of Damage Done to Kids by Mom Working

Working Guilt

Stay-at-Home Guilt

Unrealistic Expectations

A “Good Mother”—Defined

Is Less More?

Helping Your Kids Flourish

Role Models

Happiness Compass

Teach Your Child to Love Him/Herself

Encourage Independence and Self-Reliance

Acceptance

Unconditional Love

Modeling Joy

From the Kids’ Perspective

Chapter 7 - When the Going Gets Tough, Get Support

A Balancing Act

The Importance of Support

Special Needs Kids

Listen to the “Voices”

Doing Your Best

Reclaiming Your Life

The Power of “No”

Strategies and Insights

Coping with Divorce

Take Care of Yourself Emotionally

Chapter 8 - Pulling It All Together

Focusing on Your Authentic Life

Know Yourself

Avoiding the Detours

Working Mothers’ Advice for Others

Capitalize on Your Leadership Skills

Work and Home in Tandem

Roadblocks to Leadership at Home

Leadership Style

Authenticity

Focus on Your Strengths

Be Your Best

Take the Strength-Based Approach

Your Motivations and Success

Chapter 9 - Happily Ever After—Your Story

Happiness Is a Choice

Living in Two Worlds

Overcoming the Fears

Making the Workplace Family-Friendly

The Virtual Office

What Working Moms Want

Rivalries and Roles

Your Happiness in Review

Happiness Checklist

Storytelling

A Personal Tale

Your Story

Thrive—Don’t Just Survive

Mom Corps Survey Analysis

Ten Tips to Your Happiness

Notes

Additional Resources

About the Authors

Index

Praise for What Happy Working Mothers Know

“What Happy Working Mothers Know highlights the diversity, strength, and creativity these women bring to the workplace. They can become role models for others, and their knowledge and skills add value and can help everyone bring their best to work every day.”

—Joel A. Stern, Deputy General Counsel, Accenture

“With this important book, Cathy Greenberg and Barrett Avigdor expand the strengths movement to parenting as well as work. They show that working to your strengths not only maximizes your contribution at work but it makes you a better parent as well. As a father and a leader in the strengths movement, this book energizes and inspires me.”

—Marcus Buckingham, author of Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiestand Most Successful Women Do Differently

“As a working mother myself, it’s encouraging to see such a wonderful book that is relatable to all women. Delightful, inspiring, and motivating. This book really hit home for me.”

—Kim Martin, President and General Manager, WE tv

“In What Happy Working Mothers Know, Cathy Greenberg continues to demonstrate an outstanding intellect with impeccable credentials and experience as both an executive and a working mother. This insightful and creative book with Barrett Avigdor will contribute to a rich human harvest for both working mothers and their organizations. What Happy Working Mothers Know is an innovative resource for leadership.”

—Warren Bennis, Distinguished Professor of Business Administration at theMarshall School of Business, University of Southern California;founding Chairman of Marshall School’s Leadership Institute

“Women everywhere will recognize themselves in this book. No matter where they are on the career ladder, working mothers can move beyond mere success and achieve true satisfaction: A happy, balanced life that sets a positive tone for those around them. Sounds impossible? Cathy Greenberg and Barrett Avigdor show us how in this splendid work, chock full of wisdom, anecdotes, and real-life action steps and advice.”

—Carolyn Kepcher, CEO Carolyn & Co; co-star of NBC’s The Apprentice

“Greenberg and Avigdor provide a mix of fact-based research, practical tools, and a large dose of high-energy inspiration to help you reach for both your happiness and your best performance every day. A groundbreaking book that will become a mainstay for working moms, those who may become working moms, and for everyone who both manages and loves working moms.”

—Sara N. King, Center for Creative Leadership

“Mothers occupy one of the top two spots on the short list of leader role models—way ahead of political leaders, business leaders, community leaders, and military leaders. That’s why it’s so vitally important that working mothers focus not just on their career success, but also on their happiness. Their moods are contagious—at home and at work—and when moms can radiate great joy wherever they are, it will go a long way to developing positive and productive people. In What Happy Working Mothers Know, Cathy Greenberg and Barrett Avigdor shine a bright light on the leadership challenges of working mothers, offering practical tools and revealing case studies that will enable mothers to get extraordinary things done; and also to grow the future leaders we so desperately need.”

—Jim Kouzes, award-winning coauthor of the bestseller, The Leadership Challenge;and Dean’s Executive Professor of Leadership, Leavey School of Business,Santa Clara University

“Good leaders tap into the best in each of us. They inspire and motivate. They help us see possibilities where others see problems. This book, What Happy Working Mothers Know, shows that happiness is an essential element of good leadership—both at work and at home.”

—Dee Dee Myers, author of Why Women Should Rule the World; and former presssecretary for President Bill Clinton (the first woman in that job)

“It’s great to see a book that celebrates the working mother and its benefits for the family. It truly fits into our family credo: ‘It’s all how you look at it.”’

—Dan Patrick, host of The Dan Patrick Show; co-host of NBC’s Football Night inAmerica; and senior writer for Sports Illustrated; and Susan Patrick, mother of four,gourmet ice cream entrepreneur/owner of Walnut Beach Creamery

“Philips is very proud to have been an early supporter and part of the research for this book. As a global leader in our industries, we understand the power of a diverse workforce but it is not always easy to harness that power. The research that Greenberg and Avigdor have done has given us insights into new ways to tap into the incredible energy and strength of working mothers in our workforce.”

—Anne LeGrand, CEO Ultrasound, Philips Healthcare

“I have the privilege of working with hundreds of women year after year and I am thrilled to see What Happy Working Mothers Know touch on such an important topic. Women tend to focus on the ‘what’ they are (mother, daughter, sister, leader, coworker, friend) but not always the ‘how’ (happy, fulfilled, joyous, passionate) Adding the concept of happiness and contentment to the equation of being a working woman is a life changer. To focus on creating contentment, abundance, and richness of spirit in the work of motherhood is not what women instinctively learn. Women are taught to sacrifice, put themselves last, and to do for everyone else. This book reminds all of us to make the happiness decision, to choose the ‘how’ our life will look and feel. Bravo!”

—Grace Killelea, VP of Talent and Leadership Initiatives, Comcast

“What Happy Working Mothers Know is filled with touching stories, clarity, and insight, which can only help build on the strengths of our Hispanic community and continue to grow our women leaders, as well as the wonderful leaders that they will raise for a brighter tomorrow.”

—Rev. Luis Cortés Jr., founder and president of Esperanza, the largest Hispanicfaith-based evangelical network in the country

“One of the most important books for working mothers in the new world!”

—Marshall Goldsmith, best-selling coauthor of What Got You Here Won’t Get YouThere and author of Succession: Are You Ready?

“This is a very important book in these turbulent times as our future is dependent on how we nurture and develop society’s most valued human asset, the next generation. Cathy Greenberg and Barrett Avigdor provide an extraordinarily helpful and inspiring guide to the many woman and men who care about our future.”

—Noel Tichy, professor, University of Michigan; and author of Judgment: HowWinning Leaders Make Great Calls

“What Happy Working Mothers Know combines the science of happiness with new findings in positive psychology to help both working mothers and the people who love them, and works with them to be their best. Greenberg and Avigdor apply data and real-world stories to celebrate the relationship between whole-brain function and decision-making for higher performance at home and on the job.”

—Shawn Anchor, Harvard University researcher; Harvard head teaching fellow;and CEO of Aspirant Consulting

“What Happy Working Mothers Know is a powerfully positive and uplifting book that can help you immediately bring more happiness into your life and the lives of others. Practical and filled with great wisdom, I highly recommend this book.”

—Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Magnificent Mind at Any Age

“As part of our commitment to creating compelling careers for women in Philips Corporation, we participated actively in the research for this book. Our investment has paid off in a book that gives practical guidance, both to employers and to individual women, as to how to maximize their productivity and success at home and at work.”

—Britt van den Berg, Director, Global Diversity and Inclusion, Philips International

“What Happy Working Mothers Know, above all else, is that happiness drives success, more than the other way around. Use the wisdom of this book to inspire you to create your happiness as a working mother, which of course is a redundant term!”

—Steve Bonner, CEO, Cancer Treatment Centers of America

“What Happy Working Mothers Know brings an exciting new concept of the contribution that leaders who are women and are mothers make to the enterprise, the organization. Leaders in all three sectors, men and women, will welcome this wisdom that benefits us all.”

—Frances Hesselbein, Chairman and founding President, Leader to Leader Institute, New York

“Greenberg and Avigdor show that being a mom is great leadership training and can make you better at your job, no matter what job you do.”

—Mark Goulston, M.D., author of Get Out of Your Own Way at Work . . .and Help Others Do the Same

“There are lots of books out there about how to survive as a working woman. This book goes beyond it to show how working women can actually thrive. Greenberg and Avigdor never forget what women really want: to find and spread happiness and joy.”

—Sally Helgesen, author of Thriving in 24/7: The Female Advantage

“What Happy Working Mothers Know demonstrates how one act of kindness towards yourself to create the most powerful positive story about you can truly transform your life both at work and at home.”

—Jim Loehr, co-founder of the Human Performance Institute, and author ofThe Power of Story: Change Your Story, Change Your Destiny in Businessand in Life

“Greenberg and Avigdor share insights to help any company understand how to improve life satisfaction and work satisfaction to increase happy leaders in the ranks. Supporting evolving women leaders maximizes returns on people as well as return on profit.”

—Bill Lombardo, Senior Director, Bankers Learning Network, Bankers Life andCasualty Company

“Greenberg and Avigdor are the coaches we all wish we had—smart, helpful, and supportive. This book is like getting a few coaching sessions from the best coaches out there. Even better, it teaches you to coach yourself through the challenges and joys of being a working mom.”

—Linda R. Manfredonia, J.D., L.L.M., Chief Fiduciary Officer/Regional ManagingDirector, PNC Wealth Management

“While I speak about educating women to fuel the economic growth of a country and building global capabilities, this book explains how working mothers nurture themselves and, at the same time, develop our future global leaders. You will be happier just reading this book!”

—Blythe McGarvie, best-selling author of Shaking the Globe: CourageousDecision-Making in a Changing World

“Working moms have finally gotten the help they need. They no longer have to cut corners with their families to be successful on the job, or put their careers on hold while they raise their kids. They can excel at home and at work—and choose to find fulfillment for themselves on their own terms. With the science of positive psychology as their starting point, Greenberg and Avigdor draw on the stories of women who show how it is done. This is an essential how-to book for any working mom committed to taking of herself even as she takes care of everybody else.”

—Mario Moussa, coauthor of The Art of Woo: Using Strategic Persuasion to Sell Your Ideas; and Principal, Center for Applied Research Inc.

“Happiness isn’t a ‘nice to have as a mother or an executive’; if you want your kids to have the most healthy brains possible—it’s an essential quality to develop. Happy parents equals happy workers equals happy kids equals healthy, long, and productive lives. Well done to Cathy and Barrett for a writing a great book that can help with all of this.”

—David Rock, founder, The NeuroLeadership Institute and Results CoachingSystems; and author of Your Brain at Work

“Many of our members are working mothers at various stages of their professional journey, experiencing the many stresses and strains, pushes and pulls of their careers and personal lives. Our role at WICT is to provide resources to help them along their professional journey, and this book will provide them with a rich tool filled with fact-based research, practical tips, and inspiration to help them reach for their happiness every day.”

—Laurie Root, Vice President, Education and Program Development, Women inCable Telecommunications

“Greenberg and Avigdor provide readers with realistic tools and a hefty dose of inspiration to help in their pursuit of happiness. As someone who is a working woman but not a mom, it has brought me closer to understanding and appreciating those working moms I love.”

—Elaina S. Spilove, CIMA, President, Association of Professional InvestmentConsultants

“Lost in the debate over working vs. stay-at-home motherhood is the fact that kids are not happy if mom is not happy, fulfilled, and in control of her family’s financial security. Contrary to societal stereotypes and distorted news headlines, many of the 80 million moms in America know firsthand that working motherhood equals happy motherhood. Here are the secrets straight from moms who are living the happy life.”

—Leslie Morgan Steiner, editor of Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career MomsFace Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; and columnist for MommyTrack’d: Managing the Chaos of Modern Motherhood

“This terrific guidebook is for every mother who has felt burned out, stretched in 12 directions, and ready to go back to bed by 10:00 a.m. Packed with practical exercises based on scientific research, What Happy Working Mothers Know is the perfect antidote to the joy-crushing, rat-race mentality. There’s no quick fix to the crushing responsibility of juggling work and motherhood, but this book clearly shows that happiness is within your grasp.”

—Jamie Woolf, author of Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the WorkplaceCan Save Your Family from Chaos

Copyright © 2009 by Cathy L. Greenberg and Barrett S. Avigdor. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, [phone], fax [phone], or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, [phone], fax [phone], or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Greenberg, Cathy.

What happy working mothers know : how new findings in positive psychology can lead to a healthy and happy work/life balance / by Cathy L. Greenberg and Barrett S. Avigdor. p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

eISBN : 978-0-470-53158-7

1. Working mothers-Psychology. 2. Working mothers-Attitudes.

3. Work and family. 4. Happiness. I. Avigdor, Barrett S. II. Title.

HQ759.48.G74 2010

155.6’463-dc22

2009016541

My love for being a happy woman, and a happy workingmother, comes from the love of my life and my daughter,Elisabeth Oriana. This book is dedicated to her and thewonderful spirit of joy she chooses to live with as myultimate mirror in this lifetime.Cathy L. Greenberg

This book is dedicated to my husband, Alain, andmy beautiful sons, Alexander and Harrison. Yourunconditional love and support bring me joy andmake me strong. And, to my mother, Caryl Starobin,who was my first role model as a working mom.Barrett S. Avigdor

Foreword

Helping working mothers has been my passion and my work for 30 years. As the CEO of Working Mother Media, I’ve been fortunate to work with many extraordinary women and men who have dedicated themselves to making the lives of working mothers a little easier. Cathy Greenberg and Barrett Avigdor are committed to helping working mothers go beyond coping to find true happiness and joy in their lives.

During our first conversation, they won me over with their science-based approach to what could seem like a very soft issue. Happiness, after all, is not something we normally think of as a health issue or as a component of being a high-performing worker. Many working mothers, consumed with impossibly long to-do lists, think of happiness as a luxury, if they think of it at all. Many would say that they are basically happy with their choices to work and to be a mom. Overall, they love their kids and most love their work. But, on a daily basis, those women will tell you that they are too stressed out and exhausted to fully enjoy their kids or their work. And guilt, the constant companion of many working mothers, will consume any bit of joy that they find.

This book will show you that happiness is a necessity. In order to be your best at work and as a mother, you need to make choices that make you happy. Letting go of guilt is a big part of it too. Cathy and Barrett will convince you that your happiness is essential to the well-being of your family and to maximize your contribution at work. They will also show you how to find happiness—however you define it.

Working mothers have gained many successes over the last few decades. We’ve earned recognition as an important part of the work force. We’ve shattered many stereotypes and preconceived notions about what working mothers can and cannot do. This book takes us to the next level. It shows us how to take all the freedom we’ve won over the last 4 decades and to use it to make the very personal choice to be happy.

Cathy and Barrett have an important message to share with working mothers, their families, and their employers. They provide insights that open your eyes to see your world as full of possibilities. They give you the tools to begin to make your own choices that will get you on the path to a live a life full of joy and happiness.

—Carol Evans

CEO, Working Mother Media

Preface

As you would expect, we each come to this book with different life experiences but a shared vision for the importance of happiness and a strong desire to share that with women all over the world.

Cathy was living the jet-set life traveling the globe as an international business consultant and executive coach for Fortune 500 companies when she hit the “wall of life” hard. It forced her to shift her priorities and refocus or risk losing family, work, and even her life. In addition to being the first female partner hired from the outside at one of the world’s top firms, she was the first female executive director to found a leadership institute. Cathy has been fortunate to have been blessed with great mentors and to have co-authored several award-winning books, Global Leadership: Next Generation with Marshall Goldsmith, The Future of Leadership with Warren Bennis, and most recently What Happy Companies Know and What Happy Women Know with Dan Baker. She has also been blessed with a wonderful family and, although her parents have passed on, she has a loving daughter and two brothers, both with daughters of their own. All of them continue to teach her how to be truly happy as a woman, a mother, and a professional coach.

Barrett has had a successful career as an international lawyer. A Fulbright scholar to Brazil and a graduate of the University of Chicago Law School, she has been able to combine her legal skills with her love of foreign cultures and travel. With a good work ethic, excellent mentors, and a little luck, she has been able to build a career around her strengths. Despite all that success, she made the unorthodox decision to move from Chicago to Tucson, Arizona, in 2000, when her two sons were very young. That move allowed her to be a full-time mom and a full-time lawyer. It also taught her the importance of having a network of family and friends to help out with the kids when she was traveling. The move was the first big decision she had ever made that was driven by her quest for happiness. It was the best decision as well, as it allowed her to spend far more time with her wonderful sons, Alexander and Harrison, and her devoted husband, Alain. Without them, she could not be a happy working mother.

When we met over a decade ago at a Sunday evening negotiation planning session for an outsourcing deal, we never imagined we would eventually move to the same city far from our roots and combine our love of what we do to create What Happy Working Mothers Know. It’s a joy to share our stories and those of many others just like you who have dreams and hopes of being all we can be in this lifetime.

We hope you will join us to learn how the new science of happiness can change your life for the better and help you achieve significance and peace as both a woman and a mother, and fulfill whatever role you choose for yourself at home or in the workplace. We would love to hear from you, so please share your ideas, your passion, your comments, and (more important) your joys with us at www.WhatHappyWorkingMothersKnow.com.

In Happiness,Cathy Greenberg and Barrett Avigdor

Acknowledgments

To write a book about happiness and working mothers requires that many people share their stories, their talents, and their support. We cannot possibly thank each and every one of you by name but we do thank you.

The following deserve a very special mention:

♦ Warren Bennis, Marshall Goldsmith, and Noel Tichy have all been mentors to Cathy and provided moral and intellectual support for this book when we needed them the most.

♦ Joel Stern, Nancy Laben, and Mike Brownell have been mentors to Barrett. Through their enthusiastic support for the book and the opportunities they provided to help her find her ideal life balance, they made this book possible.

♦ A special thanks goes to friends Mark Goulston, Relly Nadler, and Grace Killelea for their enthusiasm for the topic and for their motivating energy during the development stage of the book.

♦ Sincere gratitude to Melissa Winter, chief of staff for Team MO (Michelle Obama) during the election campaign, and to Christie Hefner for the opportunity to meet Melissa and Michelle in Chicago.

♦ Britt van den Berg at Philips Corporation deserves special thanks as a very early supporter of this project.

♦ Alison O’Kelly and Caroline Evans at Mom Corps for so generously posting our survey online, which allowed us to get input from hundreds of women. Honorable mention goes to Angel Johnson, a new mom herself, for organizing the final data.

♦ Larry E. Smith, Sr., divisional manager of Training, and other executives at Wal-Mart Stores, Inc., Bentonville, Arkansas, for creating the opportunity for us to talk with groups of Wal-Mart employees.

♦ Johanna Dillon and Bill Lombardo, both of Bankers Life and Casualty Company. Johanna, director Field Leadership and Management Development, helped to create the exercise on The Will to Be Happy, and Bill, senior director Bankers Learning Network, for his support.

♦ Lauren Lynch, our wonderful editor at John Wiley & Sons, believed in our idea and was invaluable in bringing it to light. Thanks also go to Peter Knapp and Kate Lindsay.

♦ Susan J. Marks for helping us to corral our many ideas into nine coherent chapters.

♦ Mike Drew, our book promoter and consultant, deserves a warm thanks for his patience and staying the course with us.

♦ The very special and extraordinarily successful women whose stories are featured in this book, we thank you for your time, your trust, and your exceptional optimism.

♦ All those great companies that graciously provided us support and allowed us to talk with their happy employees.

♦ Last, but certainly not least, thanks to the hundreds of women who participated in our focus groups and allowed us to interview them. Your candor, your humor, your humility, and your strength inspire us. A special thank you to the women who were part of our focus groups at the Wal-Mart Distribution Centers. We hope you recognize your quotes and your wisdom throughout this book.

Introduction

Motherhood is the most satisfying and powerful job any woman will ever have. As moms we nurture and shape the lives of our children and our families. Fathers play an important role, yet as mothers, we are the CEOs of our families, and just like in the corporate world, we set the tone. The way we feel affects how our family feels.

Watching and nurturing our children as they grow brings us great joy, and many happy moments. Healthy kids, a good job, and a loving spouse or partner, friends, and family all are part of a happy life. True, deep-down lasting happiness is more than being grateful and it’s more than the absence of suffering. Happiness is a view of the world. It comes when you align your life to your values, learn to love and forgive yourself and others, and find true joy in the small details of everyday life.

Sometimes working mothers find the joy and fulfillment of raising a child can be overshadowed by the responsibilities of a full- or part-time job. You have the choice, however, to be energized by the balancing act of family and employment demands or to let it drain you. By taking care of your own happiness, you will be better at everything you do, as a mother, a worker, and partner.

Millions of us happily and successfully mix motherhood and a career day in, day out, and our happy, well-adjusted children, close-knit families, and satisfying jobs are living proof. Work plus motherhood is not a zero sum game. They enhance each other.

Guilt is an enemy of happiness. We feel guilty because we believe that we somehow hurt our children by having a job outside of motherhood. We feel guilty when we work fewer hours than our colleagues who don’t have child care responsibilities. Society tells us that by working we jeopardize the well-being of our children and the stability of our marriages. We’re given the message that we can’t have a happy marriage and happy children along with a career. In reality, though, we can, and we do.

If we embrace the abundance in our lives, we can truly enjoy a happiness that endures even through hard times, whether we’re hourly employees or top-level executives, whether we’re struggling to make ends meet as a single mom or happily entrenched in a partnership relationship.

Happiness is an energy force that makes a positive difference in your life, and in the lives of your kids, your workplace, and your career. This isn’t about fixating on instant gratification or demanding that the world be a perfect place. It’s about setting the stage to do and be your best for yourself, for those around you, and for the company you work for. A working mom’s glass truly is half full, sometimes overflowing, but certainly not half empty.

Right about now you’re probably thinking, “Yeah right! I’ll have time to get touchy-feely happy and sing ‘Kumbayah’ in another lifetime, maybe, if I’m lucky.” But before you give in to cynicism, consider this quick test of the power of your happiness on those around you.

Think of a very happy time in your life, when you felt your best, and felt full of joy. How did you behave? How did you talk to people, and how did they respond? You probably felt that everything seemed to go right and, when there were setbacks, they didn’t upset you. If you smiled, others likely returned the smile because happiness is a positive energy force that makes a difference in everyone’s lives.

It all starts with your choice to be happy or not. Each of us can choose to be positive in our approach to life, to make the most of what we have, to see all that is good, and to enjoy our work, our families, and our lives. Or, we can opt for the rat race, the exhaustion, the excuses, the guilt, the anguish, the misery, and the self-pity. This is a book of triumph, about helping working mothers look beyond the negative energy that swirls around all of us, and to instead embrace a positive way of being. It’s a life-changing shift in focus that can empower you to live a life of joy.

In today’s hard-nosed world—especially the numbers-based realm of business and today’s tough economic times—it’s easy to dismiss happiness as an unimportant luxury and a time-waster that saps our energies and drains bottom lines. Reality, however, is just the opposite. A positive approach positively affects bottom lines, whether in the boardroom, classroom, or at home. And lack of happiness exacts its financial toll.

Consider some of the numbers:

♦ Working mothers have plenty of company. Nearly 25.7 million mothers with children under 18 were part of the U.S. workforce in 2007. That’s nearly double the number in 1975, according to estimates from the U.S. Bureau of Labors Statistics and the Census Bureau’s monthly Current Population Survey.1

♦ U.S. businesses lose more than $300 billion annually due to employee stress as manifested by increased absenteeism, employee turnover, diminished productivity, medical, legal, and insurance expenses, and workers’ compensation payments. Put into perspective, that’s 10 times the cost of all workplace strikes combined.2

♦ A big chunk of that stress, and therefore cost, is a result of less productive working parents worried about what their children are doing after school, according to a 2006 study from the Community, Families, and Work Program at Brandeis University and Catalyst, a leading nonprofit research and advisory organization.3

♦ Worker fatigue—more common in women than men—costs employers an estimated $136 billion-plus a year in health-related lost productivity, according to a 2007 study from the American College of Occupational and Environmental Medicine.4

What Happy Working Mothers Know is all about how you can be the best mother and best worker possible by investing in your own happiness. You can learn to find happiness no matter where you are in your life, how overwrought, how overwhelmed, or how unhappy you are. Even if you’re already happy, you can learn how to make that happiness last even when things don’t go smoothly. We’ll show you a few simple steps to take, ways to shift your attitudes and approaches, and techniques to find happiness in the life you have rather than the life you wish you had. By realizing your happiness, you’ll be a better parent, better spouse, better employee/boss, better person, and feel better about yourself, too.

While on the presidential campaign trail, now-First Lady Michelle Obama summed up what we hope to convey to you in an address to “Women for Obama” in Chicago, Illinois, on July 28, 2008:

. . . For working families trying to balance jobs and kids and maybe even aging parents of their own, the American Dream can feel like it’s slipping away. Over the course of this campaign, I’ve had the chance to sit down with so many working women across the country. I’ve talked with mothers struggling to make ends meet because their salaries aren’t keeping up with the cost of groceries or the price of gas. I’ve listened to the moms who are nervous about taking time off to care for a sick child, and the moms-to-be who are scared of getting fired if the boss finds out they’re pregnant . . . .This [Women for Obama booklet] is about helping women reclaim their dreams for themselves and their families. It’s about giving them a helping hand, not a handout. . .

This isn’t a book of technical doublespeak or catchy phrases, complicated jargon, or unrealistic scenarios. Instead What Happy Working Mothers Know is stories from and about real people, real experiences, real moms, real jobs, real workplaces, real hardships, real issues, real solutions, and real happiness. We address the science of happiness, too—it’s not a manufactured state or the stuff of pipe-dreams, but is based on scientific fact.

Of the approximately 1,000 women we interviewed for this book, the vast majority agree that motherhood makes them better in their jobs. Motherhood, after all, is great leadership training. As CEOs of the family, mothers set the tone, establish the rules, and do everything they can to make every member of the family successful. We talk to these working moms about how they run their families, how they cope, how they triumph, and how they’ve achieved happiness, often despite seemingly insurmountable odds, impossible hardships, and hopeless situations. We talk to their kids, too, who are quick to refute the myths that they’re somehow slighted because their moms work.

We’ll also show you how to direct your energies to find and create joy in your life and forget about the guilt. It’s an obstacle to your happiness as a working mom. No matter how the odds stack up against you, think about the joy you get from the beauty of your daughter’s smile. Or the satisfaction you get from a “well done!” from your boss or if a project turns out beautifully. Sure it’s a hassle to drag your son to baseball practice rain or shine, but the grin on his face when he gets a base hit is worth the trouble. These small moments of happiness, the little joys and triumphs that we sometimes overlook make up our lives. We’ll show you how to find the joy and beauty in the life you have rather that wishing for something different.

Working moms are moms first and foremost. Nearly 81 percent of mothers say mothering is the most important thing they do, according to “The Motherhood Study: Fresh Insights on Mothers’ Attitudes and Concerns,” a 2005 study for the Institute for American Values.5

In What Happy Working Mothers Know, we’ll discuss the science behind why happiness boosts our personal and business bottom lines. We’ll talk to the experts about the power of positive psychology and help you recognize how focusing on what is good in life as opposed to what isn’t can transform your life, your job, and your family.

Others have done it, and so can you. A few of the many people who share their stories throughout this book include:

♦ Kim Martin, president and general manager of WE tv, and mother of two. Despite a boss who discouraged her from pursuing the network’s top job, and some self-doubts of her own, she persisted and triumphed. How big a triumph? Her youngest daughter wants her job someday!

♦ Sharon Allen, mother of two and assistant police chief, Tucson, Arizona, sacrificed the direct path to her career goals to spend more time with her children. She achieved her goals anyway, crediting “great time-management skills. . . . And I never gave up being a good mother.”

♦ Long before she called the White House home, now-First Lady Michelle Obama was a career woman whose income helped her family stay afloat. As a mother, too, Obama says she couldn’t have done it all without a support system that centers on her own mother’s help in raising her two young daughters. “She keeps me and the girls grounded,” she says.

♦ Benita Fitzgerald Mosley was the first U.S. African-American to win Olympic gold in the 100-meter hurdles. Yet the media all but dismissed her achievement. Instead of resentment, Mosley stood proud and parlayed what she had learned on the field into a highly successful career, motherhood, and life happiness. Today, she’s the mother of two and longtime president of Women in Cable Telecommunications. You learn from all your experiences in life, and the experiences get better, she says.

♦ Yolanda married at age 16 and had her first child a year after that. Today, 14 years and four children later, she’s still happily married and works at the same Wal-Mart distribution center as her husband and extended family. She’s the one who sets the tone for her family. “Setting the tone is like changing my shoes. At work, I am the boss. At home, I put on my flip-flops, and I’m laid-back. When I put on my stilettos, I’ll dance all night.”

The dilemma of finding happiness as a working mother isn’t unique to the United States, either. Different cultures face their own sets of problems and circumstances. For this book we talked to more than 1,000 women across the United States, in Brazil, China, Argentina, the Netherlands, Great Britain, France, and beyond—senior executives of global companies, women in middle management, and women who drive forklifts in warehouses. Each of us manages our work and our family in our own way, but the similarities among this diverse group of working mothers are striking. Almost all of us love our work, adore our children, and struggle with busy and often competing schedules, high demands, and the occasional emergency that always seems to land on our shoulders. In these pages, we share our stories, struggles, and hopes to motivate and guide you to your own your unique path to happiness.

Throughout the book we’ll also include easy exercises, “Self-Coaching Breaks”—as well as longer exercises at the end of each chapter, “Bottom Lines.” These exercises and tools can help you learn to apply the concepts throughout the book. Our goal is to give you the tools to engage your whole brain, help you develop awareness, and learn to perform at your best every day.

What Happy Working Mothers Know