What Men Don't Tell Women About Business E-Book

Christopher V. Flett

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 354

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2010

Beschreibung

Discover the deep, dark secrets of the Alpha businessman As a woman, you know you're every bit as effective and capable as a man is in the arena of business-but that doesn't mean there aren't things you need to know about men and business. In this invaluable guide for the modern businesswoman, former Alpha Male Christopher Flett reveals everything you need to know to understand, communicate, and compete with men in business. To some extent, business is still a man's world; here's how to play the game by their rules-and win: * Know what the average Alpha Male is thinking * Learn 10 things you need to know about men in business * Force men to take you seriously * Stop self-sabotage with male colleagues * Get all the credit you deserve * Be more confident and effective * Learn to take charge and lead * Never make excuses for failures * Keep secrets-it's vital * Never bring personal issues to the office * Gain credibility and trust with Alphas * Never look for affirmation openly * Effectively deal with condescending or disrespectful men * Understand why being "nice" gets you nowhere

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Preface

PART I - The Male Point of View

Chapter 1 - Who Are You?

Reformation of an Alpha Male

The Grass Was Greener on the Other Side

Getting Kicked Out of School

Building Think Tank

Good News, Bad News, Bad News

Alpha Male Terminology

Business Models over the Last Fifty Years

Chapter 2 - The Many Business Types

The Alpha Male

Young Alpha

Old Alpha

Beta Male

Alpha Female

Beta Female

Chapter 3 - Getting Inside the Head of the Alpha Male

Currency

Chapter 4 - Things That Drive Men in Business

How We Measure Other Men in Business

PART II - Female as a Saboteur

Chapter 5 - Bailing Water: Taking Things Personally

Chapter 6 - Singing Sirens: Wearing Masks

Bitch

Geisha

Whore

Man

Mother

The Consequences of Masks

Chapter 7 - Dead Calm: Putting Ideas in Question Form

Do Your Research

Take a Chance

Prepare for Creative Conflict

Be Confident When You Are Sharing Your Ideas

Chapter 8 - Stranded: Making Excuses

No One Cares

Giving Up Your Power

Looking for Approval

Chapter 9 - Walking the Plank: Declaring Open War

Women Show Vindictiveness When Trust Is Breached

Undermine Trust in What Was Shared (Telling Secrets)

Undermine Trust in What Was Shared (Telling Secrets)

Chapter 10 - Loose Lips Sink Ships: Not Keeping Secrets

Chapter 11 - Lost at Sea: Bringing Personal Issues to Work

It Is Unprofessional

It Invites Meddlers

It Undermines Your Credibility to Get Work Done

Makes Others Uncomfortable

Chapter 12 - You’re Waving and Drowning: Seeking External Affirmation

Checking to See If Something Is a Good Idea

Looking to Have Others Answer Your Questions

Looking to Form Alliances

Chapter 13 - Who Deserves a Spot in the Lifeboat?: Expecting Fairness in Business

Assuming That Everyone Shares the Same Rules

Assuming That Everyone Is Looking Out for Everyone

Assuming That Everyone Has the Same Passion for the Project

Chapter 14 - Abandon Ship: Accepting Poor Treatment

Making Excuses for Why People Act Up

Considering It an Isolated Incident

Not Wanting to Make Things Worse

Assuming This Is Just Something You Have to Accept to Get Ahead

Chapter 15 - “Let Me Do All the Rowing”: Trying to Be Liked and Selfless

Selfless Self-Sabotage

Selfish Self-Protection

Chapter 16 - “Here, You Take the Last Life Preserver”: Asking for What You Want

Chapter 17 - “Life Boats in the Back”: Developing a Plan B

Option 1—Woman with No Plan B

Option 2—Woman with a Plan B

Chapter 18 - “Welcome Aboard!”: Understanding Business Endorsements

PART III - Common Questions That Women Ask

Questions about...

Epilogue

Index

Copyright © 2008 by Christopher V. Flett. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

Wiley Bicentennial Logo: Richard J. Pacifico.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Flett, Christopher V., 1974-

What men don’t tell women about business: opening up the heavily guarded alpha male playbook/Christopher V. Flett.

p. cm.

“Published simultaneously in Canada.”

ISBN 978-0-470-14508-1 (cloth)

1. Women—Employment. 2. Sex role in the work environment.

3. Sexual division of labor. 4. Men—Psychology. 5. Success in business.

6. Communication in organizations—Sex differences. I. Title.

HD6053.F555 2008

650.1082—dc22

2007015886

Preface

If you look at the business books coming out today, you’ll see men offering hunting stories of how they built their companies. They talk about the glory of success and being No. 1 among all their peers. Men read these success stories and aspire to be the same, to do the same. We want to fight to the top, take a moment to enjoy the view, and then look for the next mountain to climb. Men have a difficult time focusing on the process. It is all about the goal for us, not the process. We aren’t interested in how he did it. We want to know the feeling of success, and we’ll figure out how we’ll get there later.

Women, on the other hand, write books on how women can understand men in business and how to swim with those sharks. Female authors that I have read spend a lot of time giving women advice on how to move ahead in business by staying clear of the Alpha Male. These female authors present this avoidance tactic as their process for being successful. However, when you avoid working relationships with successful and driven individuals any success that could have been realized is missed as well.

These authors suggest this program of avoidance based on their past experiences and their interpretations of these experiences. It is an understandable perspective, especially a generation ago when women were just finding out what kind of space they could occupy in the workforce. Yet these authors and their perspectives are disadvantaged precisely because they’re women and don’t know what men are really thinking. And that’s where I come in. While my perspective is also born from personal experience, I must admit that I am one of the men you would be told to avoid. Alpha Males absolutely put the glass ceiling in place, but it has been the professional woman who has held it there. By breaking the patterns of giving up one’s power and stopping the attack of other women, a female professional can not only gain equality in the workplace, but also step into a leadership position left vacant by an Alpha Male in the old paradigm of business. The greatest enemy to women in business is women in business—specifically those who consciously attack one another trying to get on the guy’s team and those who willingly continue to give up their power to men and act as role models for other women to do the same.

This book is not a glory story. It is not a 21st century version of a fairytale where the damsel in distress becomes the entrepreneurial CEO. This book is a true account of how a man sees business and women in business. This is not meant to be a critique nor a list of suggestions of how women need to change. Instead I want to share with female readers how men think and behave in the business setting and how they interpret the behavior of women.

This isn’t a war, rather it’s a long overdue conversation. I make no apologies for the pages that follow. This is meant to be the start of a conversation and not the beginning and end of a conversation. I take responsibility for starting the fire, but then it is up to you to keep it burning. Once you know, you cannot unlearn the knowledge, and my hope is this book will change the way you, and every woman you meet, do business.

PART I

The Male Point of View

1

Who Are You?

How many of the following statements apply to you?

• You enjoy making people feel special at work.

• You bring baking or other culinary creations to share with coworkers.

• You track people’s birthdays and anniversaries and touch base on those days to recognize the event.

• You like to plan company parties and events.

• You look to be seen as supportive and jump in with your sleeves rolled up to help out with company activities.

• You notice little things about what people like and track it so you can use that information later to surprise them with something.

• You prefer to sit quietly in the background and stay out of things unless called upon.

• You make suggestions on how people can get over colds.

• You believe that if someone wants something they should come to you and ask.

• You have decided that you don’t have to be in the spotlight and you’ll let the big mouths fight it out.

• You want to be seen as a necessary part of the team and someone who will focus on all the details.

• You think going out for drinks after work is a great way to build rapport.

• You look forward to company events, like Christmas parties and golf tournaments, where you can let your hair down and get to know colleagues on a more intimate level.

• You go on common vacations or mini retreats with coworkers.

• You have taken up golf so you can get deals going on the course.

• You have learned to like certain sporting events (hockey/baseball) so that you can be included in conversations.

• You have become very proficient at bluffing into conversations by nodding your head and smiling to keep the information going.

• You have found out the size of engine in your car so you can joke with the guys in the office.

• You have strong rules for how people get to interact with you and are quick to take offense if someone oversteps your boundaries.

• You believe that a good defense is a good offense.

• You enjoy having a strong personality and don’t mind bowling over people who get in your way.

• You love the fact that you are referred to as a “force to be reckoned with.”

• You will attack, if provoked, to show that you are serious about what you do.

• You believe that to be a leader you must exert your abilities to the group when it is misdirected.

• You like to manage people with an iron fist in a satin glove where you are tough on them, but considerate.

Commiserations! The more these statements fit you, the more you are undermining yourself to male colleagues in business. My guess is you’re not closing specific deals. You’re not getting invited to certain meetings. You’re not being taken seriously by male colleagues. You’re not moving ahead as quickly as you thought you would. Sound familiar?

You are sabotaging yourself. You now have your starting point for the rest of this book.

Reformation of an Alpha Male

Like most Alphas, I grew up in the shadow of my father. He was a strong, powerful ex-cop who ran construction companies most of his life. He was a man’s man and was aggressive, driven, unstoppable, and successful. He was a hard act to follow as a kid. On summer vacations, I would get up with him, have breakfast, and then work around our house and yard most of the day—painting fences, running cables, weeding, mowing lawns. I would watch my friends ride by on their bikes, loving their time off, but I was only allowed to play with them after work and before dinner. Sometimes after dinner I would go out as well. I used to moan to my dad that it wasn’t fair and that summer was for kids to have vacation. He would tell me that my friends and their parents simply lacked discipline and that he was raising me to be different. I would conspire with my friends for them to ask my dad if I could come out and play, and once in a while it would work, but basically my summers were for doing labor. I can remember being the only kid pleased about school starting again because it meant there was time to play at recess and lunch as well as after school.

My parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade and my mom and I moved away from my hometown to a larger city 90 minutes south. When my mom remarried three years later, I had my first insight into unions. My stepfather, one of the greatest men I’ve ever known, was a union guy. He had received many union contacts because his father was a union leader, and although hard working, he bought into the belief that the boss owed him something for his hard work. I was learning lessons as a young man from my Alpha Male father (who seemed to get everything) and my Beta Male stepfather (who seemed never to get enough). It was a confusing time, but I was very attracted to becoming more like my father because I liked to do things that cost money. I remember my father saying, “Fletts are good at everything it is worth being good at. The mud work can be hired out.” Another lesson he taught me when I was young that has resonated through my life is, “If you want to be a leader, just assume leadership. Don’t ask for it. People are weak and are uncomfortable when they don’t have someone to follow. Fletts provide that leadership.” You can imagine the ego that this created and continues to create.

The Grass Was Greener on the Other Side

When I was in 10th grade my mom and stepdad got me a job at the local A&W in Kamloops. It was a horrible job. I was a kitchen helper, which meant that I made sure all the condiments were filled up, the cooks had what they needed, I rotated the stock in the coolers, and so on. It was a horrible job, and the worst part was a team of demon women who worked in the kitchen. They had it in their minds that they would punish me for being a man because their husbands were assholes. They would pull pranks on me, get me to count pickles in 10 gallon pails (it only took me a week to figure out this was not necessary) and were generally nasty. My cool friends were working with their fathers in landscaping, construction, and other “manly” trades making $8-$10 an hour. I was a kitchen bitch making $3/hour and getting treated like a piece of crap.

I decided that I would step out and start my own company. I was 15 and thought that mowing lawns couldn’t be that difficult. After querying my friends to see if their dads had jobs and finding out there were none, I decided to approach my mom and dad with a business proposition. At the dinner table that night, I allowed supper to start before making my deal. If my mom and dad would “spot” me $300 for a mulching lawnmower (then you don’t have to pick up the clippings), I would pay them back for it by the end of summer. My mom looked at me with love in her eyes and said, “No!” I then looked to my stepdad, who always jumped on my side, and he said, “Chris, you should be happy you have a job.” I was shocked. Parents were supposed to support their children, and my parents were dropping the ball. That’s okay, I thought, I have an entrepreneurial father in Vancouver who will be so impressed with my idea he’ll probably send up money the same day. I called my dad and ran the idea by him, and he said, “Chris, that’s a great idea. You should do it, but I’m not going to help you. You don’t want to be the guy whose dad built his company for him. Find a way to do it on your own.” Are you kidding me? My entrepreneurial father wouldn’t even bankroll his baby’s dream. So I decided that my mom and stepdad, a little too socialist for my liking, would be targeted for a verbal attack every time we sat down for dinner until I wore them down. This took about two weeks of persistence until my mom, at breaking point, yelled across the table, “I will lend you the $3 00, but I want it back by the end of the summer and I want the lawnmower!” I think my mom thought that this would be too steep a price, but I jumped at it. What the hell was I going to do with a lawnmower after summer anyway? My stepdad and I went down to Sears to pick up the lawnmower and then I made flyers to circulate around the local trailer parks. I want you to know that Kamloops, where I grew up, is infested with trailer parks on the west side of the city. I’m talking thousands of trailers (aka: mobile homes). For $10 a week, I would mow a customer’s 10-foot square lawn, weedwhack/trim the lawn, sweep out their carport, and take out their garbage. As you can imagine, trailer parks are inhabited by old people, and they saw this chubby 15-year-old entrepreneur coming around and couldn’t resist. I should share with you that my only intention was to make more than $3/hour. At the end of my first week, I had 500 clients. I absolutely couldn’t do the work. The city had a bylaw that noise was only tolerated from about 8 AM to 8 PM. I was working so frigging hard, I could barely keep up. I was making a fortune, but had to turn to my friends who were also working shitty jobs to come and help. The company grew through the summer, and I made more in three months than most lawyers were making in a year. I hid this fact from my parents so as to avoid any lectures, but I had a real taste of what it was like to live life large.

Getting Kicked Out of School

When I went to university, I started a business program, as my mother drilled into me the importance of a business degree. My father was somewhat so-so about the degree. He knew it might help me out, but I think he saw the entrepreneurial spark in me and was worried the business degree would spoil it. The school I went to was in Kamloops, and to put it politely, it didn’t attract the very best business professors. Most I think had left some sort of post at a regional agricultural school and were teaching out of textbooks that were around when Warren Buffett was getting interested in the stock market. It was brutal. In every class, I would challenge the teacher, asking for real applications to what they were teaching me, but these challenged professors who had been hiding from the real world were rarely able to give an example different from the ones in the textbook. Let me be honest. I was a total pain in the ass. A big mouth, a disruption and bedsore to these people. My dad had said to me, “You are paying these people good money to teach you so don’t just sit there and take notes, use them as advisers. Get them to answer the questions you want answered.” I did—and sealed my fate with the university. While I was waiting to register for my third year (this was before automated registration by phone or online) the dean of student services came up and asked me for a chat. I didn’t want to go and lose my place in line, but he told me that “after our discussion that wouldn’t be an issue.” I remember having no fear about having a conversation with him. I had been a shitty student and a problem in the class. I assumed he was kicking me out of school, and I thought, “It might be for the best. I can go start another company.” Instead, he sat me down and said that three of the teachers on the business faculty refused to admit me to their classes, which were mandatory, and that my grades weren’t good enough to transfer. He suggested that to avoid breaking my mother’s heart I start either a science degree (don’t think so) or an arts degree (McDonald’s lobby duty). I told him that I would rather just leave, but he convinced me to try an arts degree. I ended up having exceptional teachers in history and philosophy who would let me study on tangents on the parts of history and philosophy I liked (the growth of American industry and the Japanese business model). As I walked by the business department and by faculty I knew, my contempt grew for those who told me that I wasn’t right for business. I remember the president of the university saying to me just before graduation, “Chris, you better go to law school so you can make something of your life.”

Building Think Tank

Out of school, I went right to work for BC Hydro, the provincial hydro energy company. The company was screwed. Everyone was power tripping on each other and backstabbing, and it didn’t seem that anything got done efficiently. Everyone was so worried about keeping their job, they basically didn’t move. They used to joke that when they were all standing around talking they were having a “safety meeting,” because if nobody moved, no one could get hurt. I stayed there for six months and, after having my marketing plans either shot down or shelved, I quit at 1:26 PM on a Friday without any notice. My boss at the time smiled and said that he’d write me a great letter of recommendation. He said that I was too entrepreneurial to work in a Crown Corporation and should look at doing something on my own. I remember waiting for Jacqui to get home to tell her. She knew that I had been miserable, but was shocked that I had given no notice. She asked where I was going to work, and I told her that I would start my own company. She was supportive, but I know she was uncomfortable. Jacqui’s family is not entrepreneurial, and starting a business in their minds is very risky. I thought to myself, “I have $6,000 in the bank, I just need a name and I’m good to go!” Sitting in my underwear the next morning watching CNN, I saw a group of young politicians who had been brought together to fix economic problems and they were referred to as a “think tank.” I thought to myself, “Great name.” At that moment, Think Tank Communications began business.

When I started, I wanted to do competitive research for cities looking to attract business to their areas. I was basically a headhunter, but rather than hunting people, I was hunting companies looking to move (or that could be convinced). I was 24 years old with a Bachelor of Arts degree and a six-month stint in a utility company. Extremely unattractive in the business market, I decided that I would have to be nimble, aggressive, and carve out my space in the market. I had back-to-back meetings for the better part of six months before the company started to grow. And once it started, it never looked back. Three months into the company, I was contacted by the other consultants in Kamloops (a bunch of washed-up government researchers) for a meeting. I remember being excited that we could explore ways of making money together. We met at the Denny’s out on the highway, and the five of them sat down with me. One said, “Here’s how it works. We all share work that comes in. We’ve been doing this a long time. You are new, don’t have an MBA and bring little to the table. Stay out of our way and we might throw you some scraps.” I stared at them, shocked. These “pikers,” or pretenders, were going to tell me how things were going to work? I don’t think so. I looked one dumb ass in the eyes and said, “Within a year many of you will be my bitches. Keep an eye open for my call.” And with that I got up and walked out with hands carefully tucked in my pockets to conceal their shaking. I decided at that moment that I was going all in on this project and that I was either going to make it big or die trying.

With this scarcity mindset in my head (me against them), I worked the province like a madman. I traveled back and forth across the province making connections, getting work, and becoming a force. Within that first year, three of the five consultants did in fact do some subcontracting for me. My ego was feeding all the time, and I thought I was unstoppable. If a competitor dared get in my path, they’d either yield or I’d destroy them. It is surreal to look back on it now, but I can remember underbidding work to make sure that competitors with heavy overhead couldn’t make payroll. I would help their employees become contractors, only to give them a small piece of work and never use them again. I even on occasion sent black roses to competitors when I’d get one of their key employees to quit or when I’d steal a contract from underneath them. I was the great white shark, top of the food chain, and I slept very well at night.

Good News, Bad News, Bad News

In 2000, I was asked to attend a conference in Calgary about economic development. I was the new kid on the scene and was creating a buzz with my ability to leverage government dollars for projects. Some called me the “Money Man,” others called me “Firestarter.” I liked to think the latter was because I got things going, but I think most used it because I created trouble. I had decided to make the almost 9-hour drive from Kamloops to Calgary, and my Dad in Vancouver asked to come so he could visit my sister who lives in Calgary. I had prepped all the things I was going to talk to him about (okay. . . brag to him about) on the trip. Men in my family are both animated and masters of one-upmanship. I picked up my dad in the Jeep, and we headed north from Vancouver. About two hours into the drive and after all the cursory small talk, I got ready to give my “presentation.” My father stopped me and said, “I have good news, bad news, and worse news. Which do you want first?” I’m the type of guy who rips off the Band-Aid, so I said, “Give me the bad news.” My dad looked at me and said, “I have cancer.” I looked at him and—I’m ashamed to admit this now—thought, so? Fletts die of heart attacks, normally from stress and working very hard throughout our lives. Cancer was no big deal in my mind. “Cut it out,” I said to him. “Go in on a Thursday afternoon, cut it out, take Friday and the weekend off, and you can be back at work on Monday.” He looked at me and said, “It’s worse than that.” I thought he was being a pansy so I decided to change the topic. “What’s the worse news? Do I have cancer?” I asked. “No,” he said, “but you are an embarrassment to me and yourself.” I believe an Alpha Male can only truly understand the devastation these words bring when you hear them from your mentor. We spend our whole lives trying to be like our fathers and then to surpass them. I felt that I had done both, and for him to tell me that he was embarrassed—it basically crashed my hard drive, if you know what I mean. I looked at him in utter shock. He said, “A man looks death in the face and replays all the tapes of his life. I did you a great injustice by encouraging you to do things the way I did. Now you are repeating my sins, only far greater. Your grandfather would be disappointed with both of us.”

We pulled over to a rest stop and I was stunned. I went into one of the rest room’s stalls and bawled my eyes out for about 10 minutes. My whole world had crumbled. I equate it to a dry piece of wood that you hit with an axe. It doesn’t completely come apart, but you know there is a fracture right through it. That was my spine, soul, and ego all wrapped into one. After getting my shit together and returning to the car, my dad put his hand on my arm and said, “The good news is we have 18 hours of driving to make things right.” Looking back, that was the first authentic conversation my dad and I had ever had on business. It was at that point that my transformation began.

When I returned home after the trip and many hours of talking to my father, I realized how poorly I had been doing things. The sad thing was all the Alpha Males I knew glorified me for being that way. I decided that if I was going to change, my business life would have to change. I would have to completely stop supporting things that were stuck in the old paradigm (the model that needs conflict, force, coercion, fear, and dominance) and embrace the new paradigm, but I didn’t know what it was. In the following weeks, I started to dissect the business model and my role in it and realized that I had made things more difficult by trying to force coups rather than looking for business relationships that were easy. I rewrote the Think Tank mission statement. The existing one glorified us and all the great things we had done. The second one talked about the relationship my father had with his barber for 30 years, which was built on mutual respect and responsibility. I sent it to all my clients, and any of those who thought it funny, weak, or stupid were fired on the spot. That’s right . . . fired. In the new paradigm, service providers should actively fire clients that don’t fit. About half of Think Tank’s clients got fired, and in the six months after the mission statement went out our profits doubled.

This was when I started looking at our relationships with clients. We did extremely well with female clients and were constantly jockeying for position with male clients. Then I looked deeper at why female clients took so much longer to achieve while male counterparts flew right by them. Then I looked at success rates. Women succeed much more often than men, but take longer to do it. A majority of the work I did for the next three years was damage control when a female client would duff a business opportunity with an Alpha Male counterpart. I realized that men mentor men and women mentor women. I’d watch women dissect a situation with an Alpha Male but never ask for feedback from a man in a position to comment (i.e., another Alpha Male). And I’d watch Alpha Males deep-six women (destroy their careers - more on this later) and not even have the guts to own up to it. Could it be possible that women and men never talked authentically about how they do business? Women had the new model of business, but weren’t drivers; men didn’t fully understand the new model of business, but were used to being the pilot. Business was all screwed up, and the only people really succeeding were those who knew how both sides played the game. In my mind, I had been the black sheep of business. I had a bachelor of arts, not an MBA. I was young, lacked experience, and talked out of turn. I became successful by learning how to navigate around all the obstacles. Then I’d watch women assume that the obstacles were just part of the long road they had to walk. I realized that in order for business to move ahead, women had to be educated on how the Alpha Male works and invited to take the lead. Men built the glass ceiling, but women held it in place for the last 30 years. It was time to open that ceiling and let the new leadership lead. Read this book with a critical mind and challenge things you don’t agree with while incorporating the things that make sense for you. This book will only be as good as how you use it. I have presented to 300 groups around the world, and it is my intention for this conversation to spread like a fire. I want women of all ages to know and agree or disagree. I’m not fussy on which they do. My responsibility is to make sure the conversation happens. When it does, my reformation is complete.

Alpha Male Terminology

Whenever I speak, I get asked to define the terms I’m using. I take it for granted that we all have the same vocabulary, but in reality the Alpha Male has slang of his own that is only really apparent to other Alphas. You may have heard some of these terms, but I want to clarify how I define them so you will know exactly what I’m talking about throughout this book.

Alpha Male

The Alpha Male is the top of the food chain. He is the one who brings in the deals and makes sure there is food on the table. He is the senior partner at a law firm. He is the top broker at a financial service firm. He is the guy whose name is all over all the apartment developments in a city. He is “the guy.” He is the big player, the designated shooter, the all star. He is the guy who women want (those attracted to power) and the one who other men want to be. He is the great white shark of the ocean of business.

Pull the Trigger

Pull the trigger is a term Alphas use to refer to closing a deal. Everything about us has to do with dominance and what’s more dominant than killing something. You’ve all heard men state that they are making a “killing” in the market. That they “killed on that deal.” Pulling the trigger continues along these lines. We get something in our crosshairs (a client, deal, opportunity), and we dominate the opportunity by pulling the trigger. If you can’t pull the trigger, you are destined to stay someone’s bitch (property). Guys who are great at pulling the trigger are referred to as “shooters” or “designated hitters”—basically they are the ringer you put in the room when the deal has to close.

Ringer

The ringer is the secret weapon Alpha Male. He is the Alpha so smooth, impressive, powerful, and convincing that if someone sits down with him they are absolutely going to sign on the dotted line. Each Alpha likes to think of himself as a ringer, but in reality, we are specialists in particular situations. I’m very strong with women’s groups while another ringer might be exceptional with law firms, small-cap start-ups, banks, and so forth. Think of the ringer as the major league baseball player you have playing on your community softball team. The advantage is so great that other teams should quiver in their shoes with the thought of him stepping on the field.

Pile-on

Remember in school there was the nerdy kid who someone would trip and the rest of the group would pile on top of them? Some people called it “dog piling.” Well, in business, Alphas look to identify pile-ons who will do our work for us. We like to take the lead on projects, but then we don’t do the work because that part isn’t a lot of fun. We like to hunt up new work, not do the work we have. A pile-on can refer to an actual subordinate who has to do what we say, but it usually refers to helpers who don’t have to answer to us but can do our work just the same. We need pile-ons because we leave things till the last minute and then face the terror of not having something done on time (missing our goals is a no-no and a big embarrassment for an Alpha in front of other Alphas). Instead, we go fishing for pile-ons. I walk out into the main area and start looking for someone to do my work. I normally do this on a Friday afternoon if my work is due on Monday. Here’s an example:

Step 1: (Talking to myself, but loud enough for others to hear.)

“Oh man, I have so much work to do and it has to be done by Monday or I’m screwed . . . ”

(Then I wait. If nothing, I take it to Step 2, but I’m almost always guaranteed at least one pile-on who wants to be helpful.)

“It’s my wife and my anniversary this Saturday but I think she will understand if we postpone it for a week so I can get this stuff done . . . ”

(This normally flushes out all the pile-ons who are wives, have met my wife, or are trying to protect me from getting in trouble at home. This normally is good for at least two or three pile-ons. If I haven’t got enough pile-ons to take all my work, then I go to Step 3.)

“The hardest part about this weekend is it is my son’s baseball tournament and I promised him I wouldn’t miss any more games, but I really need to keep things good at work so I think he will understand. My wife can go in my place . . . ”

(This normally flushes out the rest of the pile-ons. The mothers, the grandmothers, the women with little brothers—anyone who thinks of my little son crying because I’ve broken another promise to him.)

Now that I have alleviated my three-foot pile of paperwork that has toto get done by Monday to my various pile-ons, I’m free to take the weekend off. I have identified the women who are trying to be helpers, those who are trying to keep my marriage in good shape and those who are trying to make me a better dad. Now I have my crew that I can delegate work to. But it gets worse from there for my pile-ons. Not only do I have absolutely no intention of ever helping them when they need to get something done (just get really busy with make-believe projects when they come for help), but I now share with my Alpha Male colleagues that you are a pile-on and the best approach to get you to help (she’s a basic helper, a marriage saver, or a parental supporter). Now my fellow Alphas are free to play with me on the weekends while pile-ons complete our work.

Boat Anchor

A boat anchor is the lowest of the low to an Alpha Male. This is a person who makes you feel like you are swimming with a boat anchor tied around your neck when you’re doing business with him or her. This is someone who is in your circle of business and basically wants you to carry the relationship. They will meet with you, ask your advice, but continue to under perform or simply not perform at all. They have all the reasons in the world why they aren’t successful, but basically they suck. They lack ability but know someone who is keeping them in place. We’ve all seen the kid with the water wings on in the pool. Daddy has a hold of the back of their trunks yet they truly believe they are swimming. We all know if Daddy lets go of the trunks, that little bugger is going to sink like a brick. The boat anchor is a man or woman who does business like that kid swims. Look good if they are held up, but they are toast when left to their own accord. Alphas report boat anchors to each other like truckers report speed traps. Beware, beware, beware! If you are a boat anchor, it is only a matter of time before some Alpha deep sixes you and then you’ll be out of the game. If you can’t perform, find a job that doesn’t require ability and do that.

Finder/Minder/Grinder

Everyone in business gets classified by one of these three terms. The Finder is someone who can find work, bring in opportunities, pull the trigger, build sales funnels, and basically make sure there is food on the table. The Minder is the manager—someone who ensures the work gets done, but doesn’t have the ability to hunt it. The Grinder is the sorry sap who does the work for which the company is getting paid. If dad is the hunter who kills the chicken for soup, he is the Finder. Mom puts together the ingredients, makes sure the pot is on the stove and everything is cooking. She is the Minder. The kid, who has to pluck the chicken, peel the potatoes, cut the carrots, and so on, is the Grinder.

If we look at it from a true business example, you will see where Alphas get our inflated, but often earned, egos. A law firm has Alphas running the firm as managing partners. These hotshots may be good lawyers (technicians), but they are even better at bringing in business. One or two of them might be worth 50 percent or more of the firm’s business. They take clients for supper, to hockey games, golf rounds, ‘boys’ weekends’ in Vegas. They romance, attract, and pull the trigger on clients and their work. Their actions ensure that there is money coming into the firm in the form of retainers. Once the Finder (Alpha) brings in the work, someone has to make sure that the work gets done. Normally this is either a junior partner or a senior associate. They take the file and look at what needs to get done. They break down the steps and set time and other measurements to make sure it is done on time. These are the Minders or managers of the file. Then these Minders look to the lowly little associates working in the basement next to the Coke machine and give them the work to do. These individuals are the Grinders, and it is their role to make sure the work gets done. We can all agree that each component is important. If the Grinders don’t do the work, nothing can get billed. If the Minders don’t make sure the work gets done, there can be price overruns, scheduling issues, and other challenging situations. But to the Alpha (Finder), if he doesn’t do his job, the rest is moot. The other two are only important once he has done his job. The livelihoods of everyone rest on his ability to pull the trigger, and that’s why he is at the top of the food chain.

Mud