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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
Better serve your female clients as a financial services professional
In Women and Wealth: A Playbook to Empowering Clients and Unlocking Their Fortune, award-winning author and certified financial planner Cary Carbonaro delivers a practical and insightful guide for financial services professionals who want to better serve their female clients.
The author explains the unique needs of women clients, the unique psychology driving their financial decisions, and their reasonable demands for personalized client care. She also offers actionable strategies, research-backed approaches, and real-world examples and case studies you can use to better serve women who reach out for personal finance and wealth management advice.
Inside the book:
- Why “bro-culture” is killing the financial services industry and ignores the fastest growing demographic on every professional's client list
- Why women leave their financial advisors and what you can do to improve female client retention
- Avoiding the “widows and divorcees” stereotypes of female clients and understanding the psychology of female breadwinners
A unique and powerful roadmap for financial services professionals seeking to better understand and serve women, Women and Wealth is a must-read for financial advisors and planners, insurance agents, bank and credit union representatives, and accountants everywhere.
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Seitenzahl: 439
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025
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Table of Contents
COVER
TABLE OF CONTENTS
TITLE PAGE
COPYRIGHT
DEDICATION
CHAPTER ONE: MY STORY
INDEPENDENT WOMAN
MONEY CAN’T BUY ME LOVE
I WILL SURVIVE
WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN
THE RAINBOW AFTER THE STORM
UNITED CAPITAL SALE
CALL ME
GIRL INTERRUPTED
DAY ONE AND SOCIAL MEDIA
DEMOTED!
WINNING MY AWARD AND ANTI-BRIBERY
TOO MANY PEOPLE WILL SEE IT
SEXIST TROPES
MY BIO
RESENTMENT AND RESTITUTION
THE HAVE AND THE HAVE NOTS
REVIEW TIME!
YOU ARE A LIABILITY, NOT AN ASSET
DON’T BE A HERO TO YOUR CLIENTS
RESIGNATION
CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT
LIVING IN A BOX
COMEBACK
NOTES
CHAPTER TWO: WHAT IS THE TRILLION DOLLAR OPPORTUNITY?
PROBLEM
THE UNPRECEDENTED WEALTH SHIFT
FINANCIAL SECURITY
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER THREE: WHAT THE INDUSTRY IS DOING WRONG
KEY ISSUES
SOLUTIONS AND IMPROVEMENTS
NEW YORK LIFE WOMEN’S FOUNDATIONAL STUDY
EMPATHY AND TRUST
FACTORS THAT DRIVE EMPATHY
WHO CAN’T LEARN EMPATHY?
TRUST AND WOMEN
MYTHS ABOUT WOMEN AND WEALTH
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER FOUR: WHERE ARE THE WOMEN ADVISORS?
PROBLEM
THE BATHROOM EPIPHANY
BETTER METRICS CAN HELP
WOMEN CLIENTS ARE DIFFERENT TOO
KEY TAKEAWAYS
CHAPTER FIVE: HISTORY OF WOMEN AND MONEY
PROBLEM
COVERTURE: THE WORD YOU DON’T KNOW BUT SHOULD
EARLY TWENTIETH CENTURY
MID-TWENTIETH CENTURY
MID-TO LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY
LATE TWENTIETH CENTURY
LATE TWENTIETH TO EARLY TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY
CONTEMPORARY ISSUES
EARLY TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY
CONTEMPORARY ISSUES
INTERNATIONAL GENDER PAY GAP
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER SIX: HISTORY OF FEMALE BREADWINNERS
PROBLEM
1930S/1940S: LEGAL CONSTRAINTS AND GENDER BIAS
1950S: REINFORCING TRADITIONAL GENDER ROLES AND DOMESTIC EXPECTATIONS
COMPANIES WORKING AGAINST THE GENDER WAGE GAP
TOO AGGRESSIVE BACKLASH
YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY BABY
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER SEVEN: UNDERSTANDING THE FEMALE PSYCHE
PROBLEM
ISSUES
BRAINS
FEMALE RESEARCH
SUMMARY OF DEMOGRAPHIC FINDINGS
MYTH 1: WOMEN ARE LOW IN CONFIDENCE
MYTH 2: WOMEN ARE SHORT ON MONEY
MYTH 3: WOMEN ARE CHARACTERIZED BY THEIR GENDER
MORE ON CONFIDENCE
CAUSES OF IMPOSTER SYNDROME IN WOMEN
EFFECTS OF IMPOSTER SYNDROME
STRATEGIES TO OVERCOME IMPOSTER SYNDROME
NOTABLE RESEARCH AND RESOURCES
ADVICE FOR WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER EIGHT: UNCONSCIOUS BIAS
PROBLEM: UNCONSCIOUS BIAS IN FINANCIAL SERVICES
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER NINE: FEAR AND BAG LADY FEAR
PROBLEM: “BAG LADY FEAR” AND FINANCIAL INSECURITY
THE DESIGNER BAG LADY
THE POSITIVES OF FEAR
THE NEGATIVES OF FEAR
FEAR AS AN ALLY
FEAR VERSUS GREED
PRACTICAL FINANCIAL CONCERNS
KEY TAKEAWAYS
CHAPTER TEN: BRO CULTURE AND LAWSUITS
PROBLEM
KEY TAKEAWAYS
CHAPTER ELEVEN: WHY WOMEN LEAVE THEIR ADVISORS
PROBLEM
WHAT WOMEN NEED
GETTING STARTED
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER TWELVE: IGNORED TO INVESTED: HOW TO ATTRACT AND KEEP WOMEN AS CLIENTS
WOMEN ARE DEALING WITH FINANCIAL STRESS
MY COMMON THREAD
FINDING THE WAY FORWARD
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES ARE NOT THE ONLY FEMALE CLIENTS
PROBLEM
WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENS INSIDE A WOMAN’S BRAIN AFTER MENOPAUSE? A GROUNDBREAKING STUDY HAS THE NEW, EXCITING ANSWERS
KEY FINDINGS
IMPLICATIONS
EMPOWERING WOMEN
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: TYPES OF FEMALE CLIENTS, PART II
PROBLEM
KEY TAKEAWAYS
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: WOMEN’S HEALTH EQUALS WOMEN’S WEALTH
PROBLEM
INSIGHTS FROM CAROLYN MCCLANAHAN, CFP AND MD
THE VILLAGE MOVEMENT
THE HEALTH-WEALTH BOND
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: WOMEN AND PHILANTHROPY
PROBLEM
GROWING INFLUENCE IN PHILANTHROPY
UNIQUE APPROACHES TO GIVING
AREAS OF FOCUS
IMPACT AND STRATEGY
CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITIES
INSPIRATIONAL EXAMPLES
FUTURE TRENDS
WOMEN MOVING MILLIONS
CREATING WIN-WINS
KEY TAKEAWAYS
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: GETTING TO KNOW YOUR CLIENTS WITH BEHAVIORAL FINANCE
PROBLEM
FINANCIAL THERAPY
FOUR MONEY BELIEFS
UNDERSTANDING THE WHY
A FEW CHOICES
WHY THIS MATTERS TO YOU
NOT JUST FOR WOMEN
A REAL DIFFERENTIATOR
DATAPOINTS
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTES
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WITH FEMALE CLIENTS
PROBLEM
INSIDE-OUT VERSUS OUTSIDE-IN APPROACHES
ESG AND WOMEN
WHAT IS YOUR WHY?
COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY WITH WOMEN CLIENTS: WILLOW’S THREE E’S MODEL
EMPOWERMENT
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTE
CHAPTER NINETEEN: BUILDING DEEPER CONNECTIONS AND TRUST THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA
PROBLEM
MY JOURNEY WITH MEDIA AND SOCIAL MEDIA
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Note
CHAPTER TWENTY: HOW I CHARGE CLIENTS
PROBLEM
PRODUCTIVE INTRODUCTIONS
NEXT STEPS
NOTHING VALUABLE IS FREE
SELECTING THE RIGHT FEE MODEL
KEY TAKEAWAYS
NOTE
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: CASE STUDIES AND WHAT WOMEN NEED IN FINANCIAL SERVICES
CLIENT CASE STUDIES
RITA CHENG’S STORY: THE IMPORTANCE OF DISCUSSING LONG-TERM CARE
INITIATING THE CONVERSATION
USING LIFE EVENTS AS CONVERSATION STARTERS
ADDRESSING LONG-TERM CARE DIRECTLY
IMPLEMENTING LONG-TERM CARE INSURANCE
OVERCOMING INSURANCE AVERSION
ADDRESSING REMARRIAGE AND ESTATE PLANNING
ENSURING FINANCIAL STABILITY
TAKEAWAYS FOR ADVISORS
TIFFANY, TENDER OFFER AT A PRIVATE COMPANY
TAKEAWAYS
EILEEN SHOVLIN’S STORY
DIVORCEES AND WIDOWS
LAZETTA RAINEY BRAXTON’S STORY
UNLEASHING HUMAN CAPITAL THROUGH FINANCIAL PLANNING
MY CLIENT CASE STUDIES
NOTE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: STORYTELLING AND SELLING HELP
KEY ATTRIBUTES FOR CLIENT RELATIONSHIPS
SUGGESTED DOS AND DON’TS
KEY TAKEAWAYS
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: MAKING THE INDUSTRY FEMALE-FRIENDLY
UNDERSTANDING THE NEED FOR CHANGE
WHERE MY GIRLS AT?
MORE WOMEN IN KEY POSITIONS
MAKE MONEY EQUAL CAMPAIGN
LEARNING FROM OTHER INDUSTRIES
BUILDING A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY
UNLOCKING THE FULL POTENTIAL
KEY TAKEAWAYS
RESOURCES
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
AUTHOR BIO
TAKEAWAYS
INDEX
END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
List of Illustrations
Chapter 2
Figure 2.1 Financial Categories Where Untapped Sales to Women Are Worth...
Chapter 6
Figure 6.1 Gabriel Cortes/CNBC.
Figure 6.2
Chapter 18
Figure 18.1 Key ways to retain clients.
Figure 18.2 Show empathy by asking coaching questions.
Figure 18.3 Empowerment: What Does It Really Mean?
Guide
Cover
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Begin Reading
Resources
Acknowledgements
Author Bio
Takeaways
Index
End User License Agreement
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Women and Wealth
A PLAYBOOK TO EMPOWER CLIENTS AND UNLOCK THEIR FORTUNE
CARY CARBONARO
Copyright © 2025 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved, including rights for text and data mining and training of artificial intelligence technologies or similar technologies.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 750-4470, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permission.
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Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. Neither the publisher nor authors shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Names: Carbonaro, Cary, author.
Title: Women and wealth : a playbook to empower clients and unlock their fortune / Cary Carbonaro, FL, US.
Description: Hoboken, NJ : John Wiley & Sons Inc., 2025. | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2024060024 (print) | LCCN 2024060025 (ebook) | ISBN 9781394300273 (hardback) | ISBN 9781394300297 (pdf) | ISBN 9781394300280 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Women–Finance, Personal. | Finance, Personal. | Investment advisor-client relationships. | Customer relations. | Financial planners.
Classification: LCC HG179.5 .C362 2025 (print) | LCC HG179.5 (ebook) | DDC 332.024/01082–dc23/eng/20250218
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2024060024
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2024060025
Cover Image: © Zen Rial/Getty Images
Author Photo: Courtesy of the Author
Cover Design: Wiley
Dedicated to my Dad in heaven, whose wisdom and passion for finance inspired my journey into wealth management and taught me everything I know about money. To my incredible husband, Steve, whose unwavering support allows me to pursue my life’s calling. And to all the remarkable women who inspire me daily—you are my motivation and my mission.
Dear Readers,
Welcome to Women and Wealth: A Playbook to Empower Clients and Unlock Their Fortune. I’m so glad you’ve picked up this book, and I want to share a few thoughts about how best to use it to maximize the value you get from it.
This book is designed as a guide to help you navigate the unique financial challenges women face while empowering you to build stronger relationships with your female clients. Whether you’re a financial advisor, a professional working with women on financial matters, or a woman looking to take control of your financial future, this book will provide you with tools, strategies, and real-world insights to move forward with confidence.
Here’s how I suggest you use it:
Read with Intention
Each chapter covers a specific aspect of women and wealth, from understanding the female psyche to effective communication, planning for long-term care, and even how to make the financial industry more female-friendly. You’ll get the most out of this book if you approach it with a mindset of learning, reflection, and action. Take notes, highlight key points, and jot down any ideas or strategies that resonate with you.
Use the Case Studies
The case studies in this book are included to show real-life examples of how certain financial strategies and practices can work with female clients. Study them carefully. Think about how they might apply to your own clients or financial situation, and use them as models to guide your decision-making.
Pause and Reflect on the Questions
Throughout the book, you’ll find questions designed to encourage self-reflection and discussion. If you’re an advisor, these questions can help you assess your current practices and identify opportunities for improvement. If you’re a woman navigating your own financial journey, use these questions to think critically about your financial goals, concerns, and the type of advisor relationship you want.
Tailor the Advice to Your Situation
While this book provides comprehensive insights, each client’s or reader’s financial situation is unique. Don’t hesitate to adapt the advice and strategies presented here to your own circumstances. Customize the solutions to fit your needs or those of your clients.
Take Action
Knowledge is powerful, but it only makes an impact when it’s put into action. Whether it’s rethinking how you approach women clients, changing the way you communicate, or revising your financial plan, commit to taking at least one action step from each chapter. Implementing these changes will not only benefit you but also help you build stronger, more trusting relationships with your clients or partners.
Use It as a Resource for Collaboration
If you’re part of a team, this book can be a valuable tool for team discussions and improvements. Consider hosting a workshop or roundtable discussion using the content from this book to help foster better collaboration around female-centric financial planning.
Rethink Your Client Experience
A major theme in this book is understanding women’s financial needs and creating an experience that serves them fully. As you read, consider how your business or your personal approach could evolve to be more inclusive, holistic, and empowering. Small changes, like active listening and empathetic communication, can have a huge impact.
Keep It as a Long-term Resource
This isn’t just a book to read once and set aside. Refer back to it often. As new challenges and opportunities arise, revisit certain chapters, questions, and strategies. It’s meant to be a playbook—something you can come back to as you evolve in your role, as a woman or as an advisor.
Finally, my hope is that this book will not only help you grow financially but also encourage you to become an advocate for women’s wealth, empowering others to do the same. Together, we can reshape the financial industry and ensure that women are not just participants but leaders in creating their financial future.
Thank you for joining me on this journey toward financial empowerment for women.
With gratitude,
Cary Carbonaro
CHAPTER ONEMy Story
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
–Oscar Wilde
Independent Woman
I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and raised in Long Island. Like many women, I came from a very traditional household. In witnessing the dynamic between my mom and dad, I decided I wanted to be more like my dad: I wanted to be the one who made the money. I learned at an early age that money equals power. I was brought up with the notion I could be anything I wanted to be–even president. I never felt like I had to compromise or that a profession like finance was too male. It never even occurred to me. My dad worked in finance, and I wanted to follow in his footsteps.
I’m human, just like everyone else. I’ve had some great successes, great failures, and I’ve had to rechart my financial life in the face of change more than once. I built a successful business, got married, experienced a painful and financially damaging divorce, and then had to rebuild. My firm was sold, I almost lost my career, and I have had to rebuild again. But I’ve also followed my passions. One of those passions is financial planning. As a child, my banker father exposed me early on to the financial world. He taught me strong money values, the importance of working hard, and gave me my love for being smart with money. He took me to work with him before there was a “Take your Daughter to Work” day. My mother was a big part of that passion too. She is a certified public accountant (CPA), and she also went back to school later in life, when I was 13. After graduating from college, my career moved quickly up the corporate ladder, including eight years on Wall Street at JP Morgan Chase, three years as a vice president at Citibank, and two years as a director at Lord Abbett Investments. By the time I turned 30, I was earning $500,000 a year. I thought I had it made! I had met and exceeded so many goals in life. I was financially independent and confident in my ability to support myself. I refused to learn normal domestic duties because I had determined that would not be for me. I thought: If I make the money, then I will be safe, be able to make my own decisions, and have freedom. What could possibly go wrong?
This line of thinking is nearly always a preamble for disaster. As women, we can often set ourselves up for failure. Life takes us to unexpected places all the time. In my case, it led me into a marriage that, in the end, severely compromised my happiness, my confidence, and my financial bottom line. I made the wrong choice in my life because of my unhealthy emotional state. It wasn’t for lack of intellect or knowledge. In fact, bad decisions are often fueled by either conscious or unconscious emotional responses.
Money Can’t Buy Me Love
When I got married, I had no idea what I was in for. I was vulnerable and trusting, which made me the perfect victim. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? All the while, I carried the bulk of our shared financial burden. I had come into the marriage as the primary breadwinner, and that showed no signs of changing any time soon. We never had a joint account. He had his money, and I had mine. I thought that would protect me. I always paid my own bills, so at first, I didn’t realize I was paying for nearly everything. Bills came in, and my income went out. My husband had his own reasons for not chipping in. He referred to himself as a “serial entrepreneur,” who would never work for anyone other than himself. He was stubborn, unwilling to undertake traditional work, and dependent on my financial support.
He said he was an ex-hedge fund manager who had retired twice by the time he was 30. His money was his and was “unavailable” for paying bills. I soon realized that his finances were a mess. On the surface, he was successful and well-to-do, but scratch the surface, and he had terrible credit. He’d never paid back his undergraduate or law school student loans. He had accounts under his control in his father’s, his mother’s, and even an old girlfriend’s name, in which he would sock money away. He had more than a dozen companies set up in his name, creating such a quagmire around tax time that his files would arrive in a box nearly as tall as my 5 foot 5 inches. It was impossible for me to figure out what was going on with his money, but he always seemed to know what was going on with mine. I simply accepted his lies and wrote the checks because I was taught to always be responsible and pay the bills on time. My stellar credit rating was very important to me, and he knew it.
Three years into this unhealthy relationship, my father passed away. The ground slipped out from under my feet, and I was spinning out of control. Looking back, I can say with some certainty that this time in my life was my rock bottom. And then one day, I was surprised with a marital separation agreement that my husband had drafted completely on his own. When I arrived at home, I was ambushed by six witnesses waiting for me to sign a 100-page document that I’d never seen before. After reading only six pages, I realized the agreement stipulated I hand over 50% of my business…the only thing I knew I had control over was 100% my own. The rest of the day turned into a blur as I was bullied into signing the document through verbal abuse and threats. My professional side knew something was very wrong, but the emotional toll of the situation was just too much for me to take. I signed the agreement under duress. I literally gave away half of what I earned and half of what I had worked tirelessly to build. Through my signature, it was his.
When the divorce began, money was literally flying out the window as quick as it came in the door. Ultimately, I found myself on a long, lonely road to divorce. It was a process that lasted for years and included countless contract negotiations and financial red tape that threatened not just my earnings to date, but my future earnings as well. Once the relationship ended, the financial conundrum began. My ex-husband felt he was entitled to much of what I earned and almost all that I built. Never mind that I made most of the money and paid the bills. That was not enough. He wanted it all. And worst of all, he felt that it was his right. He told the divorce attorneys and the judge the financial planning practice was his and he was suing me for it.
It was an arduous, six-figure-plus divorce with emotionally driven decisions affecting me at every turn. I owned two houses, but while the titles of those homes were in both our names, the mortgages were in my name alone. This meant that, for a long time, my ex was living in one of those homes while I paid the mortgage, bills, and car payments. He was living the dream while I was trapped in an emotional and financial nightmare. Relief was nowhere to be found.
Anyone who knew me asked, “Why would you do that?” The short answer is that emotions were fueling my decisions. Of course, it’s never as simple as that—emotions never are. For one, I had fabulous credit and, as taught by my parents, felt driven to pay every bill for which I was responsible, fair or not. I knew that in the long run, I would be punished if I didn’t pay the bills. One of my biggest reasons for staying as long as I did was FEAR. It wasn’t just the threats my husband levied against me, but I was afraid of losing everything I’d built. The only thing I still had control over was my business. I’d created it and watched it start to thrive despite everything that was happening in my personal life. It became my lifeboat, so I started to think that if I could get to a certain benchmark in my career, I could make things start to happen in my personal life. “When I make X,” I’d reason with myself, “I’ll walk away.”
For weeks, he and his staff refused to provide me with a copy of the marital separation agreement. When I finally received a copy of the agreement, I went to see a dear trusted friend, who is also a family law attorney. We reviewed the entire agreement and found that not only did it ask me to sacrifice half of my business, but it also appointed my ex-husband as executor of my estate–he was to receive 50% of my future inheritances and get to use my credit for the rest of his life and many more stipulations that, in hindsight, were crazy. If I violated any stipulation, including moving my business, the “agreement” stated I would owe him five million dollars in a “liquidated damages clause.” On top of everything else, as soon as divorce proceedings started, I was sued for alimony and temporary support. It was literally a one-sided financial catastrophe.
After endless tears, my friend offered a glimmer of hope. She said the document was so egregious that she didn’t believe it would hold up in court. It was clear to any unbiased bystander that I was manipulated and coerced into signing the agreement. I hired an attorney and prepared for battle. During the divorce, I was bleeding cash. I could not make money fast enough, and I was in the red every month for the first time in my entire life. I was fortunate to have an emergency fund, something I advise all my clients to have, and it allowed me to get through the almost four years of negative cash flow. I remember one month my attorney bill was $50,000. I was paying it by credit card at the attorney’s office and crying. I was not my best self! I pay off my credit cards in full at the end of the month. Then I thought of a quote from one of my favorite movies, It’s a Wonderful Life. Annie, the Bailey’s housekeeper, gives George some of her hard-earned cash at the close of the film and says, “I’ve been savin’ this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband!” But I was determined to put my head down, suck it up, and stand strong to ensure I stood for what I believed. It was time I fought hard to protect what I built over the first half of my life. I was a powerful woman, and I would not let this man try to take everything away from me. I fought to regain my power, freedom, and life.
I Will Survive
If you are a financial advisor, you will appreciate this story. I started to receive calls from my clients saying, “I just got a call from an SEC attorney asking me if I lost money in 2008.” This was 2009. The global financial crisis was from 2008 to 2009. If you lived through it, you remember. Everyone lost money no matter what you were invested in. My ex-husband hired an SEC attorney to start a class action lawsuit against me and started contacting my clients asking if they lost money in 2008 and if they wanted to be part of a class action lawsuit. First, everyone knew that was ridiculous. It was the global financial crisis and markets melted down all over the world. By 2009 my client accounts were all back up. At the time it was enough to send me off a cliff. It was embarrassing, dragged my clients into the divorce, and cost me more money with the attorney to force him to stop. Throughout my personal struggles, financial planning remained a professional endeavor and a safe haven that brought me joy. It was as if I was living vicariously through the intelligent financial decisions of others. I was paying for my mistakes, but at least I was helping others. It all felt worth it. So, I refocused on my job and found new aspects of the industry that made me happy. After years of struggle, as well as personal development, I was ready to take my life to its highest and best use. My personal trials and tribulations could only be fantastic examples and learning experiences for others.
Many of my bad decisions came in the form of my taste in men. My Achilles’ heel was intimate relationships. I was simply attracted to the wrong type of guy. I had a wonderful role model in my dad. Why should I keep making poor decisions in this area of my life? I explored this for years in therapy. When I first started, my therapist asked me, “What do you feel?” I didn’t even understand the question. I was so out of touch with my emotional being, which I deemed to be too female, that I didn’t know what I didn’t know. How could I choose the right partner when I didn’t even know how to emotionally relate? This took years of peeling back the onion, layer after layer. It was hard work, and I always wanted to quit. My therapist would say, “Cary, I am committed to you; you have to be committed to me. This is your life we are saving.” I had already been burned badly. I was still trying to put the pieces of my life back together. My life and my business were damaged.
And then came a glimmer of light at the end of the dark tunnel. I was at the Orlando airport one Monday morning in late 2009 when I struck up a conversation with a man in the security line. This wasn’t unusual. I often start conversations with people around me and don’t think much of it. But by the end of the line, I knew he was from Long Island just like me and lived in Central Florida, just like me. He worked in both states and was a professional in the pharmaceutical industry. He also had experienced a very difficult and contentious divorce.
After talking for a long time, we exchanged contact info. He emailed me the next day and asked if I wanted to go out for coffee, lunch, or dinner in Florida or New York. He said it was my choice. He wanted to give me options! I really wasn’t sure if I should accept; I didn’t think I was ready to let another man into my life. To be completely cautious and not rush into another relationship, I kept my distance and allowed our friendship to grow.
We communicated via email over the next few months. He had such a positive outlook on life, with an amazing spirit, and a genuine smile that reached his eyes. He was very confident in himself, and he knew who he was. It was extremely refreshing. When I told my therapist I wasn’t sure I was ready to date, he told me to give him his number so he could reach out and speak with my new interest. I was terrified, but I did it. They spoke for an hour and a half. My therapist called me afterward and told me, “This is the man I have always wanted for you–a true partner. You can give and receive love to each other.” I felt relieved and was excited that I was able to filter through the crap and find a man that could potentially be a healthy fit in my life. I was seeing spots after my last relationship, so I was unsure if I could ever focus again. So, it was with great enthusiasm that I began the process of opening my life to this man.
As our life blossomed together, I began to take a very reflective and strong look at my life up to that point. I quickly began to recognize that many, if not all, of my poor financial decisions were directly related to the opposite sex. My relationships led directly to much of the financial hardships I experienced.
That may be the first and most important lesson I can impart on my clients: Don’t allow your emotions to control your financial decisions. It is a recipe for disaster. I lost hundreds of thousands of dollars because I couldn’t see that my emotional relationship was manifesting bad financial practices in my monetary relationship. This could have all been avoided if I simply opened my eyes. This is a common story for many women. We are emotional beings, and we often lead with our emotions, allowing us to trust people we otherwise would not. And the result can be debilitating.
Inevitably, at some point in your life the line between personal decisions and financial decisions is going to blur; this was a blurry time for me. The emotions were heavy and real, and they made it that much more difficult to see the forest from the trees, as the saying goes. This dichotomy of the head and the heart is the root cause of many poor financial decisions, and I was not immune. I lived it, and the silver lining is that I have learned to use those experiences to help others now that I’ve made it through the worst. This is so important for financial professionals to understand and understand what women are going through.
I was not your typical woman who was worried about ending up penniless. I was an educated, successful, self-sufficient woman of means who had designer bags, shoes, etc. My therapist said it was a dichotomy he thought was funny. He called me the Designer Bag Lady. I loved the name, and so it stuck. I knew I was not alone when in 2006, Allianz published a study, “Women, Power and Money” indicating that 27% of women who made over $200K had the same issue.1 Thus, I gave birth to the term “Designer Bag Ladies.” My clients love to say aloud, “I am the Designer Bag Lady.” They call me and ask me if they can afford a new car or house. They admit their fear keeps them from being able to spend money even though they are successful and have more than enough. They quickly become their own worst enemy. More about this later.
Women Empowering Women
So, where do we go from here? To start, women should be empowered and uplifted to begin the process of saving at an early age. It is not just about avoiding financial landmines as you age. It is also about being able to recover if you do step on one. My financial landmine was marrying a man and allowing him to siphon off much of what I worked hard to build. He was not entitled to it and did not deserve it. But I was manipulated and could not get out of the way of my own emotions. The important thing is to understand that if you counsel your clients to save and invest, they will be positioned to absorb whatever life throws their way. I recovered and made it out of that relationship in one piece because I had the padding (emergency fund) we all should have. In the end, I had to pay my ex to get out and was emotionally and financially devastated. He had more money than me but was hiding it offshore and in other names. He appeared to be a pauper on paper. It was not a fair outcome, but I needed to move my life forward. I needed to pay for my freedom.
The Rainbow After the Storm
I was a solo practitioner as a fee-only registered investment advisor (RIA). I wanted a large, independent fee-only RIA to join. I just couldn’t handle everyone on my own anymore. It was me and one staff member Rich Westhelle, who is still with me today. We’ve been together for 15 years and counting.
After the divorce was final, I moved my firm to United Capital. It is a very different model from the big banks and brokerage firms. It is also more difficult to work this way because you don’t have the branding and marketing of a big name. It is only you. The clients have to buy into you, not the firm. I self-sourced every client I ever got. I was never handed clients or leads from a retiring advisor. I was always a fiduciary and put my clients first. It was a great move for me. I wanted the resources and camaraderie of a large firm. I really loved the other advisors and founders of the firm. It was a great decision. Their client experience was very female-friendly because of our behavioral finance tools. We were growing organically and inorganically. I was on the advisory council that helped to shape the decisions of the firm. I wrote a business case to the chief executive officer (CEO) of the firm about how important women were to the future of the industry. I included many of the stats you will find in this book, and it was approved. I, along with Emily Sanders, ran Women’s Leadership at United Capital. I felt like I was moving the needle for women and wealth there. We were big enough that I had a platform and a voice to affect change. My practice went from $50 million, which was small mainly because of my protracted divorce, to more than $200 million assets under management (AUM) as a solo practitioner while I was there. According to Michael Kitces, financial planner and commentator, at $200 million plus AUM, I should have a staff of seven, not just me and Rich. I wrote my book (The Money Queen’s Guide: For Women Who Want to Build Wealth and Banish Fear), spoke everywhere, and again was doing my one thing, helping women in a meaningful way.
United Capital Sale
It was 2019, and I was right where I wanted to be! I had many roles: head of Women’s Leadership, the Voice of the Women, which the head of the firm asked me to represent the firm in the media, TV, etc. I was FinLife Coach for other advisors, and last but most important, I had a Diamond Winning Office and Practice at United Capital, which means I was one of the best of the best at United Capital. We were ranked by seven key performance indicators (KPIs): organic growth, net promoter scores, retention, revenue per employee to name a few. Every year we had an annual partners meeting. In 2019 it was in Arizona at the upscale Phoenician. It was the first time my firm offered a prize that actually came with something. A 20% increase in pay for a year! It was like winning the lottery. I was sure I was winning it. Of the seven KPIs, I knew I had at least six of the seven. We did this only one year, and out of 100 offices only six offices won. What I highlighted and found most remarkable was that four of the six, or 66%, were women-led offices. I remember highlighting that on social media, and it went viral. I was also voted no. 4 in financial advisors in the United States as ranked by Investopedia in 2019. Life was good! I was making a difference for women and wealth and the profession by making it more female-friendly!
United Capital 2019 Diamond Office Winners, 75% Women-Led Firms
My life philosophy is not about getting new clients; it is about speaking the truth. I know this makes me different. It has never been about the money for me as much as it has been about helping women and making the world better than when I got here.
Call Me2
I was at an Invest in Women’s conference in 2019 where I was speaking and running two panels. Soon after, I was on a conference call with everyone–all the managing directors, executive team, and our charismatic CEO, Walter. I loved him; he is why I went to the firm. He informed us that we just got an offer from the most prestigious investment bank on Wall Street to buy us. I sat on the phone in awe. What did he just say? How could that be? We were a national RIA firm, but we are quite small to any of the broker dealers. All of those are household names. I am a sassy New Yorker. I tell it like it is, I am very direct, and I don’t hide my feelings. Under normal circumstances I am also very confident. Sometimes it scares people, depending on the situation.
This firm was the white glove untouchable firm I knew from my early career. I was in the JP Morgan Chase at the time in the Chemical Bank Management Training program. I took care of a bunch of these bankers because I worked with select or private banking clients. I was always calling them to tell them they have too much cash in their checking account that was not even interest bearing. How could they leave free money on the table? I offered to convert it or sweep something at least into a savings or money market paying much more. I loved doing it and helping people make more money or maximizing what they had. I liked the people I worked with from there. This was in the early 90s before it went public in May of 1999. I never thought about working there, but I remember they made a lot of money!
How could this firm want to buy us? Why would they? They were 150 years old, and we were just over 10 years old. This was a big deal.
It was exciting, and I was optimistic about my future and the future of my firm with the weight and resources of a giant firm. I knew they had a class action lawsuit with women employees ongoing for 10 years. I imagined all the ways I could help. I am a known advocate for women. This could be a win-win. It could give me a large platform (the largest investment bank in the world), and I in turn could make it more female-friendly like I was doing at United Capital.
Girl Interrupted
The next few weeks no one had any idea what happened, what it was going to look like, or when it was going to be announced to the public, and we weren’t allowed to tell anyone.
My husband and I had a trip planned for the end of May 2019, around Memorial Day, to go to Japan. We were going to Tokyo and Kyoto. Japan is 14 hours ahead of New York. The deal was announced while we were in Japan. My phone started ringing off the hook, and it was such a time disparity that it was almost impossible to speak to my clients. I said we have to cut the trip short and not go to Kyoto. We will have to come back. Little did we know the world would shut down months later and my life as I knew it was going to drastically change.
Upon returning from my trip things moved very fast!. It was announced at the end of May 2019, and we would be closing and becoming their employees by July 15, 2019. That is some sort of a record. We were told there was going to be a large amount of money granted in stock options to the partners and executive team. Our current shares of stock would also be converted into their firm’s shares, and we would not have an unexpected tax event. We are financial planners by trade and this came out of the blue. To go over and be paid, we all signed new contracts. We also had to do background checks, fingerprints, etc. and keep running our business with clients who had more questions than we could answer.
A week before the sale, we found out we were not getting the promised stock; they were just giving us cash for our shares. This of course caused a large and unplanned capital gain, but no one seemed to care. Then a few days before we were starting, we got the ironclad contract, which was also wrapped into stock options. I had been hearing on all the calls how much money it was, and when I received mine, I just was in shock. First, I cried, then I scheduled a meeting to find out how this was calculated. I was told by Joe, Walter’s right-hand guy, it was a formula based on what you brought to the table. I got on the phone and pleaded my case. I just won the Diamond award for the Top Office. I was head of Women’s Leadership. I was cementing my role as Voice of the Women. I was a speaker, writer, influencer, and social media expert for the firm. I was also a coach to outside advisors who licensed our tools and technology. I had a massive footprint for the firm and went above and beyond with everything I did for the firm. I was once told at an industry event that I am the embodiment of United Capital. We were not supposed to know what anyone got, but we all talked. I got less than half of what any man I spoke with received. I asked all the women, and all but one were not happy. When I pressed them for the formula they said, “We ran out of money. You are lucky you got anything.” I thought, do they not want me to come? The contract being ironclad was to force all ex-partners into staying with a two-year noncompete, nonsolicit, nonacceptance. It has the most unilateral language, and it was their way or the highway. There was no negotiating with them. We were just chattel.
Day One and Social Media
We shared our merger on social media. I then shared it on my social media pages: LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I got an email immediately from someone I didn’t know at Compliance to “take it down.” I asked why. I saw all the other ex-managing directors (males) who posted it and none of them were told to take it down. I had more followers, audience, and influence. Why wouldn’t they want me to post it? That was the start of them trying to break me. I was watched like a hawk. I was under different scrutiny than anyone else at my firm because I had a voice, and that would be taken away. For the next two years if I posted anything (and I mean anything) on social media, within two minutes I would get an email to “take it down or else.” I saw Walter and dozens of guys from the firm posting every day. I would ask Marketing and Compliance why they could post and I couldn’t. I never got an answer. Then they said I could post if I use their new system. It would be a unilateral post. That meant I could only post but not interact or reply to anyone who commented or reached out. I said it’s called “social” media, not “unilateral” media. This made no sense. I said it is like someone calling you and you can’t return the call. I refused to play the game this way and was not able to communicate for three years.
Demoted!
We were eventually told that we (all managing directors/partners/owners) were being demoted to vice presidents. I was a vice president at a bank in the 1990s. This was like going back 25 years in my career. I know I am a competent professional but coming into a hierarchical work environment where I am now what I was 25 years ago was quite deflating. The only people who got to keep their titles were Walter, who was a managing partner and four people on the executive committee at United Capital. They made one concession to call us Head of Office so we would be a little elevated over the 20-something vice presidents but still under the 20-something managing directors.
Winning My Award and Anti-Bribery
Two weeks after we arrived, the Top 100 Advisors as ranked by Investopedia was released. I was in it for 2017 and 2018. It is an honor to get on the list, but to be in the Top 10 is like hitting the lottery. It is based on numerous criteria. The Investopedia 100 celebrates financial advisors who are making significant contributions to critical conversations about financial literacy, investing strategies, life-stage planning, and wealth management. They influence the practice of financial advice and help educate millions of investors. I was ranked no. 4 in the United States. I was at the top of my game and the top of my profession. I was making an impact in the world but trying to change the world of wealth management for women. I immediately fired it over to the entire ex-executive team from United Capital and marketing. Nothing, no response, crickets. I justified it to myself: They are busy; I will give them a week or so. I sent another message saying this is a big deal, and we should be leveraging this for all of us! I waited another two weeks, and I got back, “You can’t share this, post this on social media, tell your clients or anyone.” I said they are doing press releases; it will be all over the media. When it came out, I got offers to go on multiple TV shows, podcasts, radio, and news publications. They were all turned down. I just could not wrap my head around this. This is all great free press. I have seen other advisors double their business within a year from this. Little did I know they hate all press and don’t understand how to leverage this for a win-win. Nor was I ever going to represent them in the media or speak or write or go on TV again until I got out. It was so demoralizing to be recognized for this honor and I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. Then I was told if I did their culture training, I would know they don’t recognize people, only the firm. I reasoned that PEOPLE make up the firm. Isn’t their success your success? What happened next, I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams. I got an email from the anti-bribery team. They questioned me on how and why I won this award and what I did to get it, implying something nefarious. I couldn’t believe this. Then they forced me to go through anti-bribery training for an hour. So, I won this award, and I was punished. I never got to share it or tell anyone. I was afraid if I sent it to my clients I would be fired on the spot. Some of my friends put it out in the world, but it didn’t really go far. I have the crystal award on my desk. In 2020 I was still on the list but fell out of the coveted Top 10 spot. By 2021, I was off the list. They had succeeded in dimming my light and taking my career, influence, and life’s purpose away from me. My business contracted over the next three years.
