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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
Put your values first and focus on what matters most
Despite our good intentions, many of us experience a chronic imbalance between the desire to live our values and the distractions and never-ending to-do lists that can get in the way. In Your 168: Finding Purpose and Satisfaction in a Values-Based Life, readers learn how to pursue a values-based life by identifying and committing to their values and priorities. The book is written by bestselling author Harry Kraemer, former Chairman and CEO of Baxter International and currently a professor of management and strategy at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, where he was a Professor of the Year. Kraemer uses personal stories and insights from others to help readers discover the dissonance between what they say is most important and where they actually devote their time. This is an eye-opener for most people, uncovering the obstacles to leading a value-based life.
In Your 168, you will learn how to make changes and build new habits that put your values first by:
● Using self-reflection to identify what matters most and become more aware of how you spend your time
● Re-evaluating priorities such as career, family, health, recreation, spirituality, and making a difference
● Avoiding unpleasant “surprises” and “hitting the brick wall”
● Experiencing better balance in real time amid shifting priorities—personally and professionally
Fans of Kraemer's previous books on values-based leadership will embrace this new release - Your 168: Finding Purpose and Satisfaction in a Values-Based Life. The book provides actionable advice, filled with tips on how to live a life of meaning and experience a greater sense of purpose. Everyone will feel inspired to make lasting change.
All of Harry’s proceeds from the book sales are donated to the One Acre Fund in Africa.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020
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Table of Contents
COVER
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
INTRODUCTION: THE MOST IMPORTANT NUMBER
MY FAVORITE NUMBER
THE VALUES-BASED LEADERSHIP JOURNEY
SECTION ONE: DEFINING BALANCE
CHAPTER 1: BECOMING SELF-AWARE
THE REALITY CHECK
EMBRACING SELF-REFLECTION
MY SELF-REFLECTION JOURNEY
WHAT GOES UP ALWAYS COMES DOWN (AND VICE VERSA)
RECALIBRATING YOUR LIFE BALANCE
NOTE
CHAPTER 2: WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED?
BECOMING MORE AWARE
THE COST—AND CONSEQUENCE—OF BEING UNAWARE
COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
WHEN LIFE GETS COMPLICATED
SURPRISES WON'T WAIT UNTIL IT'S CONVENIENT
NO AGE LIMIT ON SURPRISES
NOTES
CHAPTER 3: HITTING THE BRICK WALL
FOLLOWING OTHERS INTO TROUBLE
THE FORK IN THE ROAD
THE SELF-DISRUPTED LIFE
WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS THINK?
IT TAKES TIME TO RECOVER
NOTE
CHAPTER 4: BUILDING NEW HABITS
HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK—AND BUILD
SEVEN STEPS TO BUILDING NEW HABITS
SELF-REFLECTION FROM START TO FINISH
NOTES
CHAPTER 5: THE ART OF BEING PLANFUL—AND SPONTANEOUS
SPONTANEITY: THE BETTER HALF OF BEING PLANFUL
THE PLANFUL CONTINUUM
FOCUSING ON WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT
TRIAGE PRIORITIZATION
WHEN PEOPLE MATTER MOST
KEEPING LIFE FLUID
SECTION TWO: THE BALANCING ACTION PLAN
CHAPTER 6: LIFE BALANCE IN REAL TIME
KEEPING YOURSELF ON TRACK
TAKING A LOOK AT YOURSELF
SETTING BOUNDARIES AND SAYING NO
WHEN YOUR LIFE PLAN CHANGES
THE HORIZONTAL LIFE PLAN
BUILDING TRUST AND TRANSPARENCY
LIFE BALANCE AND PERSPECTIVE
NOTES
CHAPTER 7: STRENGTHENING FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND COMMUNITY
MY FAMILY LIFE
A STRONG FAMILY TO SUPPORT BALANCE
THE FAMILY CHALLENGE
BALANCING THE FAMILY BUCKET
KNOWING HOW TO SAY NO
THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIPS
BUILDING YOUR COMMUNITY
THE WORKPLACE AS A COMMUNITY
CELEBRATING THE BROADER COMMUNITY
NOTES
CHAPTER 8: HEALTH: THE ALL-PURPOSE BUCKET
IN OUR YOUNGER DAYS
THE CORPORATE ATHLETE
MAKING HEALTH A PRIORITY
SLEEP: IT'S NOT OPTIONAL
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
CREATING LIFETIME HABITS
THE FITNESS PROJECT
THE LIFELONG ATHLETE
HEALTH AS A TEAM SPORT
PURSUING HEALTH HOLISTICALLY
THE BUCKET CONNECTION
NOTES
CHAPTER 9: THE IMPORTANCE OF FUN
WHAT FUN MEANS TO YOU
A FULL FUN AGENDA
NOTES
CHAPTER 10: FAITH AND SPIRITUALITY: STRENGTH AT THE CORE
MY FAITH JOURNEY
THE FAITH BUCKET
FORMING MY IDENTITY
THE THREE-DAY SILENT RETREAT
FOCUSING ON THE COMMON GROUND
SHARING STORIES AND EXPERIENCES
WHEREVER YOU ARE, START THERE
NOTES
CHAPTER 11: MAKING A DIFFERENCE: THE LEGACY YOU LEAVE
NOT BEING POSSESSED BY POSSESSIONS
DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO SHARE?
YOU ARE “THOSE GUYS”
PAYING BACK BY PAYING IT FORWARD
SAVING THE WORLD
WHERE YOUR PASSIONS LIE
THE GOOD THAT YOU DO
NOTE
EPILOGUE: YOUR VALUES-BASED LIFE JOURNEY CONTINUES
INDEX
END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
List of Tables
Introduction
Table I.1 One example of a life grid with targeted time allocations for each buc...
Chapter 2
Table 2.1 Examine the goals and hours spent in your life buckets.
List of Illustrations
Chapter 1
Figure 1.1 Your life trajectory will never be a straight line. Rather you wi...
Chapter 7
Figure 7.1 For many of us, our personal relationships are defined by family, f...
Guide
Cover
Table of Contents
Begin Reading
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“Harry Kraemer's Your 168 goes to the heart of what helps people manage not only their time, but also their energy. All of us can be energized by multiple sources—family, exercise, spiritual well-being. These sources, combined with meaningful work, can lead to a full and integrated life. For anyone who seeks to lead a values-based life, Your 168 is a personal and inspiring guide to making the most of what matters.”
—Alan Mulally
Retired CEO of Ford Motor Company and Boeing Commercial Airplanes
“I love Harry Kraemer's work! He is my role model for exactly what he teaches – Finding Purpose and Satisfaction in a Values-Based Life. Your 168 will help you keep focused on what really matters in life. I could not recommend a better book to help you have a great life!”
—Marshall Goldsmith, two-time Thinkers 50 #1 Leadership Thinker in the World, the #1 Executive Coach for 10 years, and New York Times #1 bestselling author of Triggers, MOJO, and What Got You Here Won't Get You There
“Harry Kraemer elegantly connects his rich legacy of leadership experience with a sense of deep human caring for you in one loving package, capturing the essence of living life with more purpose, meaning, engagement, satisfaction, and fun. After reading this book, I'd be surprised if you're surprised that 168 becomes your favorite number, too.”
—Mark C. Thompson, Global Leading Coaches #1 CEO Coach and New York Times bestselling author of Success Built To Last: Creating a Life That Matters
“In Your 168, Harry Kraemer helps us to stop and think: What is most important now? How should I use my time? Too often we act before we think, thinking we'll get more done. This book will help you to be mindful, to use your time both more shrewdly and more productively, and in the end to live a life of greater joy and freedom.”
—Rev. Francis J. Hoffman, Executive Director/CEO, Relevant Radio
“In Your 168, Harry Kraemer offers a wonderful guide for anyone trying to navigate the challenges of a busy life while maintaining meaningful relationships and a sense of self—whether they're leading a multinational organization or just starting out in their career. By encouraging us to reflect on how we spend the 168 hours in our week, Harry gives us the tools to work more productively toward our goals, while staying connected to our personal purpose and values.”
—Kelly Grier, U.S. Chair and Managing Partner and Americas Managing Partner, EY
“Harry Kraemer shows us how to find true personal success based on the pursuit of a balanced life. Funny stories add a lot of humor but do not hide the depth of the message. You will laugh while reading this book—and then you will start reorganizing your life.”
—Dr. Francesca Cornelli
Dean, Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management
“Harry Kraemer's advice about the pursuit of life balance is a great reminder of the importance of acknowledging all that defines us. With greater awareness of Your 168 and where you devote your time, energy, and ambition, anything is possible! This is a must-read book for a successful and satisfying life.”
—Mary Dillon
CEO, Ulta Beauty, Inc.
“Harry Kraemer's Your 168 is the antidote to any life that feels out of control or lacking in purpose. It offers a treasure chest of insights packed in a plethora of personal examples that will have you nodding, laughing, and learning all at the same time. A retreat in a book—Your 168 will help you to better know your “true” self and live the fuller, more satisfying life that you deserve!”
—Dr. Bob Nelson
multi-million-copy bestselling author of 1,001 Ways to Reward Employees
“Harry Kraemer is a visionary leader, mentor, and teacher with a proven ability to drive success at world-class organizations known for never wavering from their core values as they also achieve remarkable results. Your 168 could be his most important work yet. It's a valuable reminder and guide for each of us that our ability to lead lives with purpose, meaning, and impact starts with the choices we make in how we spend our time.”
—Greg Case
CEO, Aon
“In his brilliant new book, Harry Kraemer shows us how to pursue a values-based life with meaning and purpose. Harry's wisdom shines through every story and offers deep insights about living a life with purpose that makes a difference and leaves a legacy for others.”
—Bill George, Professor, Harvard Business School; former chair and CEO, Medtronic; and bestselling author, True North and Seven Lessons for Leading in a Crisis
YOUR 168
FINDING PURPOSE AND SATISFACTION IN A VALUES-BASED LIFE
HARRY M. JANSEN KRAEMER JR.
Copyright © 2020 by Harry M. Jansen Kraemer Jr. All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the Web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.
Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Names: Kraemer, Harry M. Jansen, 1955- author.
Title: Your 168 : finding purpose and satisfaction in a values-based life / Harry M. Jansen Kraemer Jr. Other titles: Your one hundred sixty-eight
Description: Hoboken, New Jersey : Wiley, 2020. | Includes index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020000442 (print) | LCCN 2020000443 (ebook) | ISBN 9781119658542 (cloth) | ISBN 9781119658726 (adobe pdf) | ISBN 9781119658764 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Values. | Time management. | Self-realization.
Classification: LCC BF778 .K73 2020 (print) | LCC BF778 (ebook) | DDC 170/.44---dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020000442
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020000443
Cover Design: Wiley
To everyone—especially my family, friends, colleagues, and students—on the exciting journey of pursuing a values-based life
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Having written about how to become a values-based leader in my first book, From Values to Action, and how to build a values-based organization in my second book, Becoming the Best, I thought I had addressed most of the major topics discussed in my leadership classes at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management. However, my Kellogg students and people who have heard me speak about leadership around the world made it clear that one important pillar was missing from my writing: how does one live a values-based life? So began the journey to Your 168: Finding Purpose and Satisfaction in a Values-Based Life.
An amazing number of people have influenced my journey to living a values-based life.
My late parents, Harry and Patricia Kraemer, provided me with a solid foundation and understanding of what it means to live a values-based life, which they passed down from my grandparents, Harry and Elizabeth Kraemer and Farrell and Emily Grehan.
Meeting Julie Jansen at Lawrence University 44 years ago was a defining moment in my life and also affirmed my faith and spiritual direction to live a values-based life. Our 40-year marriage and our five children—Suzie, Andrew, Shannon, Diane, and Daniel—are a constant reminder of the crucial importance of family.
My four siblings—Steve, Paul, Marilyn, and Tom—always remind me that we should not focus on work-life balance but life balance.
I am deeply indebted to my students in the full-time, part-time, and executive MBA programs at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management. They are a continual source of reflection and challenge for what it means to pursue a values-based life.
I would also like to thank the following people for sharing their wisdom and personal experiences regarding pursuing a values-based life: Khalid Ali, global marketing director, Dow Chemical; Rob Apatoff, executive director, Kellogg School of Management; Anna Budnik, managing director, Willis Towers Watson; Carter Cast, clinical professor, Northwestern University Kellogg School of Management; J. P. Gallagher, president and CEO, NorthShore University HealthSystem; Fred Harburg, founding partner, AJIL Analytics; Karen May, retired EVP, Mondelez; Dr. Daven Morrison, founding partner, AJIL Analytics; Kevin Murnane, clinical professor, Kellogg School of Management; Jeffrey Solomon, chairman and CEO, Cowen Inc.; Kent Thiry, chairman, DaVita; and Mike Zafirovski, CEO, Zaf Group.
I would like to thank the great work of my publisher, Wiley, especially Jeanenne Ray, Georgette Beatty, and Susan Geraghty, and Andrew Furgal of ImagePros Inc. for the graphics.
Also, a big thank-you to my colleagues, students, and friends who took the time and gave me excellent suggestions and feedback on early drafts of the book, including Khalid Ali, Dan Braga, Jamie McLaughlin, and Ben Zastawny.
Finally, and most important, a very special thanks to Tricia Crisafulli, who has been my trusted collaborator and colleague on all three of my books. For this book, I was also fortunate to work with her son, Patrick Commins, as a key contributor. Without them, this book would not have been possible. Thank you, Tricia and Pat!
—Harry M. Jansen Kraemer Jr.
Wilmette, Illinois
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Harry M. Jansen Kraemer Jr. is a professor of management and strategy at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management, where he teaches in the MBA and the Executive MBA programs. He is an executive partner with Madison Dearborn Partners, one of the largest private equity firms in the United States, where he consults with CEOs and senior executives, and he serves on several for-profit and nonprofit boards. Kraemer is the former chairman and chief executive officer of Baxter International Inc., a multibillion-dollar global health care company. He has been voted Kellogg Professor of the Year in both the full-time MBA and executive MBA programs, including on the Miami and Hong Kong campuses.
INTRODUCTION: THE MOST IMPORTANT NUMBER
Most of us have at least a general idea of what we think our lives should look like: the kind of work we do, the quality of our personal relationships, our health and self-care, what we do for fun, what role faith and spirituality play in our lives, and the impact we want to make on our community or even on a global scale. We may want all these things, some of these things, or only a few. It's not about following a formula or a prescription—rather it's about your values being expressed in the way you live.
The challenge, however, is that certain aspects or components of our lives can overshadow the rest. In some cases, they consume so much of our time, energy, and attention that there is not much time left for the other areas we say are important to us. Maybe our work takes almost all our time because we have convinced ourselves that we should be in constant motion. Maybe we focus so much on a leisure activity or sport that it eats away at the time we say we want to spend with other people—family, friends, and loved ones. Or maybe we don't make our health enough of a priority in terms of time commitment. In other words, there's cognitive dissonance: we say certain things are important to us, but our actions don't match those words. There is a disconnect, and not just for a few days or over the course of a busy week or two. I'm talking about chronic imbalance—that feeling of being constantly short of time and attention, always rushing to get things done, and ending each day exhausted and overwhelmed.
Without question, we're very active, but are we being productive? Or are we moving so fast, we don't even know? And if we don't know, do we just keep moving because we've confused activity and productivity? As the pace of the world accelerates, and technology blurs the lines between work and home, balance can become an elusive goal. Some people think it's impossible. We start out with good intentions but find ourselves sidetracked, distracted, and even out of control.
To be clear, when I talk about balance, I don't mean work-life balance. If we think about it, that's a confusing concept. The way it is expressed—work-life—seems to indicate a choice that either you're working or you're living. For those of us who work a lot, let's hope work is part of living (if not, we've got a real problem!). We are not just switching from professional to personal, like flipping a switch.
Our lives are multifaceted. We are involved in our careers, but there's more to our lives than just work. We want our lives to have meaning, to lead what I call a values-based life in which what we do reflects who we are and what matters most to us. For many of us, that includes spending meaningful time with family, friends, and others in our community. We have outside interests and leisure activities that are important to us and help us feel more balanced. Maybe faith or spirituality is important—even at the center of our lives. Most people want to be healthy and pursue some kind of exercise. Just about everyone I talk to would like to get a little more sleep. And if we think about it, we know we're here in this life for a short period of time and would like to make a difference in our community—and maybe in the world.
These components aren't just lofty goals that sound good or items on a wish list. They reflect our values. By devoting meaningful time to their pursuit, we can lead a values-based life that enables us to be true to ourselves and what we say is most important.
Given how busy everyone is, this doesn't happen by accident. The only way to lead a values-based life is by becoming more self-aware of how and where we spend our time. And that's where your 168 comes in.
MY FAVORITE NUMBER
Like most math majors, I have a favorite number. Mine is 168. Often, when I ask my students to guess its significance, about one in ten figures it out. It's the number of hours in a week. No matter who you are, what you do for a living, where you live, or how productive you are, you only get 168 hours a week. The only difference is how you spend that time.
It's not about working x hours a week and then having the remaining hours for “other things.” It's not working or living, remember? To have true balance among different components of your life—the areas you say are the most important—you need to allocate your time just as you would any precious resource. You accomplish this by being self-reflective and accountable for how you spend your time.
Some people ask me why I don't use 24 hours to divide up a “typical day.” For most people (myself included), there is no such thing as a typical day. In my case, on any given day, I may be teaching at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management (my graduate school alma mater), traveling across the country to give a speech, working for Madison Dearborn Partners and our private equity portfolio companies, or attending not-for-profit board meetings. Or I could be involved in church activities, spending time with my family, or traveling for leisure. There's no “typical” day.
Over the course of a week, though, our days tend to fall into a pattern. And even if a week is an anomaly—for example, five straight days of business travel—over a few weeks we can see how our time allocation is shaping up. A tool that helps is the life grid, composed of components or what I call life buckets, those areas into which you pour your time, attention, and energy.
Table I.1 provides a representation of where and how I want to spend my time and enables me to record how I actually spend my 168 hours a week.
Your life grid may not look like someone else's. And it's not what you think your 168 should look like. This is your 168—allocated to reflect your priorities, choices, and life circumstances. Being honest and accountable to yourself is fundamental to living a values-based life—otherwise, you're just deceiving yourself, and where's the benefit in that?
Once you have a life grid of how you want to allocate your time, you can start tracking how closely your life follows that plan (see chapter 2). Not every week will be on target. But over time, the goal is to balance your life by keeping track of how you spend your time and holding yourself accountable for your 168.
When I discuss 168 with people, I tend to get two reactions. First, there are those who engage with the idea. They embrace the concept of life buckets to see where they're above or below their goals. They know that no two weeks will be the same. They're traveling on business one week, so they don't have as much time with family. However, while traveling, they catch up on reading or put in extra hours on a work project, so that when they're back home they can devote more time to family, friends, leisure, and exercise. It's not about beating themselves up; it's about striving to maintain an average over time.
Table I.1 One example of a life grid with targeted time allocations for each bucket.
Life Bucket
Goal Hours
Actual Hours Spent
Difference
Career
50 hours (30%)
Family
28 hours (17%)
Faith/Spirituality
11 hours (7%)
Health/Sleep
55 hours (32%)
Fun/Recreation/Reading
14 hours (8%)
Making a Difference
10 hours (6%)
168 hours (100%)
The second reaction from people who hear me discuss 168 is to say, “Wow, that's amazing.” (I'm always amused by this reaction because there's nothing that amazing about multiplying 24 hours in a day by 7 days in a week.) What they really mean, I suspect, is that they have no clue as to how they spend their time. They probably haven't taken the time to identify their values and priorities, either. This isn't meant to judge anyone; it's just a fact that not everyone operates with the same level of self-awareness. I can tell you, based on the talks I've given on values-based leadership for the past 15 years, there is a great hunger among people to get their lives back in control with a sense of balance.
That's the goal of Your 168: Finding Purpose and Satisfaction in a Values-Based Life. For everyone who wants to live a life with more purpose, meaning, engagement, satisfaction, and fun, 168 should be your favorite number, too.
THE VALUES-BASED LEADERSHIP JOURNEY
For the past 15 years, I have been teaching, writing, and speaking about values-based leadership. In my first book, From Values to Action: The Four Principles of Values-Based Leadership, I addressed how anyone at any level can become a values-based leader by following four foundational principles:
Self-reflection
to identify and reflect on what you stand for, what your values are, and what matters most
Balance
to see situations from multiple perspectives, including differing viewpoints, to gain a holistic understanding
True self-confidence
to accept yourself and recognize your strengths and weaknesses, while focusing on continuous improvement
Genuine humility
to never forget who you are, appreciating the unique value of each person and treating everyone with respect
From becoming a values-based leader, the next step was to develop a values-based organization, which was the subject of my second book, Becoming the Best: Build a World-Class Organization through Values-Based Leadership. This book explored the “five bests” starting with becoming your best self. From there, it's about forming the best team within the organization, being the best partner with customers and suppliers, being recognized as a best investment, and committing to social responsibility as a best citizen.
With the publication of these two books, I have traveled the world delivering more than 1,000 talks (and counting) to several hundred thousand people. The message of values-based leadership resonates as much in the US as it does in Europe, Latin America, and Asia. It applies equally to people in all fields: technology, health care, financial services, retail, academics, and philanthropy. For people at every level—from the CEO to people starting out in their careers and those who are still in school—being a values-based leader in a values-based organization will enhance their lives.
There are challenges. In fact, with every talk I give, people tell me, “This sounds great, Harry, but I'm not sure how I can get all this done. I have so many things going on. How can I do this?”
My answer is this latest book: Your 168: Finding Purpose and Satisfaction in a Values-Based Life.
This book is divided into two parts. The first is “Defining Balance.” This part begins with the foundation of every values-based leadership discussion: self-reflection. When people tell me that they are having trouble balancing their lives, it's usually because they aren't being self-reflective enough to determine what they are trying to balance. You can only gain clarity on personal and professional issues in your life by thinking more deeply about them. The more self-reflective you are, the easier it is to make choices that are aligned with your values.
Over time, as you become more self-reflective, there are fewer reasons for you to be surprised, which is the next topic of discussion. When people have no idea where and how they spend their time, they're often surprised—and not in a good way. They're suddenly surprised when a relationship fails, friendships end, or loved ones die, leaving them with regret over the time they didn't spend together. At the same time, I know many people who have made meaningful changes in the quality of their lives simply by becoming more aware and eliminating those surprises.
When surprises go unheeded, they don't just fade away. Without the self-awareness that comes from self-reflection, a relatively minor surprise or small problem compounds into a major upset—and you hit the brick wall. Now you've got a full-blown crisis on your hands. As I've seen among people I know, including those who have shared their life journeys with me, these crises often spill over into numerous areas: a major relationship is in turmoil, someone's health suffers, a job is in jeopardy. When you hit a brick wall, it can cause wreckage everywhere in your life.
Next, we'll talk about building new habits, which takes both awareness and time. Research tells us that it takes three months on average to build muscle memory (such as engaging in a new exercise routine) and even longer to adopt new health habits or ways of thinking and acting.
The discussion then moves to becoming more planful and constantly reprioritizing. Life doesn't stand still. Priorities and demands change. The only thing that remains constant is 168! Reprioritizing requires you to consider how demands on your time are changing and whether these new demands fit your values. The reward for being more planful is increased flexibility and greater spontaneity. All that discipline in planning and reprioritizing pays off when suddenly there's a surprise opportunity—like two tickets to see your favorite musician in concert—and you can make the time for fun.
The second part is “The Balancing Action Plan.” In this part, we move from what defines a balanced life to putting an action plan in place to create greater balance. We explore six life buckets and how people at all phases and stages devote time and energy to each of these buckets:
Work and career
(with the pursuit of balance in real time). For most of us, work is very important and must get done. However, today more than ever, it's possible to use technology and flexible arrangements to make working part of your life. In this chapter, we'll also discuss how to tackle two buckets at once—not as a rule, but strategically. This is all about investing your 168 in ways that work for you.
Family, friends, and community.
Our lives are enriched by the people who matter most to us. For many, this means family and friends, but it can also include support groups and community organizations. By choosing whom we spend time with, when, and for how long, we can build meaningful and supportive communities for ourselves.
Health.
One of the most common desires I hear is to “be healthier”—and one of the common complaints is “I don't have time for it.” But we know that health directly affects quality of life, which means health goals for most people are a priority in their 168.
Fun.
Life needs fun. Too often, though, fun seems like the last priority for people, and without planning for fun, it can get overlooked.
Faith and spirituality.
For many people, having a life bucket for faith and spirituality is critically important. It reinforces self-reflection and embraces one's purpose at a deeper level.
Making a difference.
Many of us want to make a positive impact—big or small. For some, it's in the local community; for others, it's global. In your own way, you can allocate your 168 in a way that creates a legacy.
No one's life is in balance all the time. We are all works in progress, constantly refining ourselves through self-reflection and becoming more self-aware. As we become more aware of our values and of how we spend our time, however, we move closer to the goal of leading a values-based life.
We're each given 168 hours a week. It's up to us to spend them in a way that matters most.
SECTION ONEDEFINING BALANCE
CHAPTER 1BECOMING SELF-AWARE
To live a values-based life, you need to know what your values are. Then, you make a sincere and ongoing effort to live your life so that what you do and how you act reflect those values. Sounds pretty straightforward, doesn't it? But notice I said, “sincere and ongoing effort.” The reality is no matter how dedicated you are to living a values-based life, you're always a work in progress. Nobody gets it right all the time. In my more than 40 years of pursuing a values-based life, I'm constantly recalibrating how to allocate my 168 hours each week to reflect my values and what I believe is most important in my life. That's the only way I know of to pursue life balance.
Life balance, as I explained in the introduction, doesn't mean work-life balance—a concept that always confused me because it seems to indicate a choice between working and living. Our lives are multifaceted. Many of us devote a great deal of time to work—let's hope, doing work we find meaningful and satisfying. But there is more to our lives than work. We have other priorities that might include family, friends, and/or others within our community. We have leisure activities that bring enjoyment and enrich our lives. We want to be healthy and pursue some kind of exercise. Spirituality may be important, and maybe we want to make a positive impact in the community or even globally.
Don't mistake life balance for time management. The primary goal here is not to become incredibly efficient with your time, although that might be one of the benefits of engaging in this process. The primary goal is life balance. It comes down to the life buckets I discussed in the introduction, the specific areas into which we allocate our time, attention, and effort. By focusing on our chosen life buckets, we can pursue life balance—with the caveat that we won't be in balance all the time. Rather, we'll be constantly recalibrating and rebalancing.
The only way to pursue life balance is by becoming self-aware through self-reflection. Your commitment to living your life aligned with your values won't always be easy. Countless demands, distractions, and unexpected challenges will get in the way. But the payoff for engaging in the pursuit of life balance is to have more joy, satisfaction, purpose, and meaning, with a lot less worry, fear, anxiety, pressure, and stress.
THE REALITY CHECK
Whenever I talk about life balance, most people are very intrigued. They ask whether it is really even possible to be self-reflective in the crazy, nonstop world in which we live. I always tell people that a large part of the problem is that most of us are attempting to do three to four times the number of things that is humanly possible. We tell ourselves we'll “make time” as if we can somehow manufacture more hours in the day or week. (Sorry, but there are only 168 hours in the week for everybody.) We want to be conscientious and get as much done as possible, so we tell ourselves we'll just go faster. What other choice is there given all we have to do? So that brings us to our old friend, multitasking. We convince ourselves that if we can do two (or more) things at the same time, we'll get twice as many (or more) things done!
Our smartphones and other devices are supposed to make us more productive. We're connected all the time and everywhere. But it's getting out of control. It's one thing to do a call while you're driving, but quite another to do email and texts at red lights—or when traffic slows to a crawl. You'll soon drive yourself crazy, not to mention potentially become a hazard on the road.
At some point, you have to ask yourself: are you really more productive or just more active? Have you confused activity for productivity? If you're moving so fast, however, you won't have any idea how productive you are—and you'll just keep moving.
That's when you need to take some time, step back, and self-reflect. What are you spending your time on? How does that match with what you say is most important in your life? That's the only way to cut through the activity and get to productivity so you can pursue a balanced life. If you want life balance, you need self-reflection.
EMBRACING SELF-REFLECTION
“Wait a minute, Harry, I don't have time for that!” Be honest: was that your first response? Trust me, after more than 15 years of teaching and giving talks on values-based leadership, I hear this all the time. “Sounds great, but I don't have time for that. I'm traveling half the time, my to-do list is eight miles long, and everybody in my life wants more of me.”
When people say that, I cannot help but wonder if it's really an issue of not having the time (we're talking about 15 minutes a day) or if this is just something they don't want to do. If people were really honest with themselves, maybe the reason they don't want to self-reflect is they don't want to confront the truth that there is a very big difference between what they say is important and how they allocate their 168 hours. Being self-reflective can get uncomfortable because it's too close to home. So let's address that first: self-reflection isn't about beating yourself up. It's about being truthful with yourself about what is—and is not—a priority for you. There's no judgment here. Your self-reflection is just for you, to pursue more balance in a way that makes the most sense for your life—not someone else's life.
If you want to lead your own life, and not be in a constant state of reacting to others, it makes sense to take some time for self-reflection. This can take as little as 15 minutes—ideally every day, but even once a week is a good start. I've practiced self-reflection since I was in high school, all the way through college and then graduate school; from the earliest days of my career all the way to becoming chief financial officer and then chief executive officer of Baxter International, a $12 billion health care company with 52,000 employees. Today, I teach at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management; I'm an executive partner at Madison Dearborn, a private equity firm; I work closely with companies in our portfolio and sit on several boards; and I travel 60 percent of the time, including to give speeches on values-based leadership to people around the globe. And my wife, Julie, and I have been married for 40 years and have five children; my spiritual life is very important to me; I exercise five days a week; and I stay in touch with family and many close friends. Trust me, I know all about being busy. But I also know that, without self-reflection, there would be no way I could pursue balance in all the things that are important to me and live a life that is an authentic reflection of my values.
So where do you find the time? You have 15 minutes, somewhere.
Most of us have to commute by train, bus, or car. You can devote some of that time to self-reflection. If you exercise, you can engage in self-reflection on the stationary bike, elliptical, or treadmill or while you're jogging. If you pray or meditate, you're already beginning the practice of self-reflection. These times can help you reflect on what really matters to you and why.
