How Not To Worry E-Book

Paul McGee

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 230

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2012

Beschreibung

How to defeat stress, worry, and anxiety to achieve more in business and life. From the international bestselling author of Self-Confidence.

Are You A Worrier?

Do you seem to worry more than most? Do you find that insignificant things stress you out? Do you sweat the small stuff and the big stuff too? Well, now’s the time to stop worrying and start living.

Worry, stress, anxiety – whichever label you prefer to use – can have consequences that impact not only our lives, but the lives of others around us. When we worry it’s like the engine of our mind is constantly being revved up. It doesn’t allow us time to switch off and rest. It tires you out. And when you’re tired you’re less likely to think straight. And when you’re not thinking straight it’s easy to make stupid mistakes and confuse priorities...

 But relax. There is a way forward.

In How Not to Worry Paul McGee shows us that there is a way to tackle life’s challenges in a calmer and more considered way. It is possible to use a certain degree of worry and anxiety to spur us on towards positive, constructive action, and then leave the rest behind. With down to earth, real life advice, How Not to Worry helps us understand why worrying is such a big deal and the reasons for it, exposing the behavioural traps we fall into when faced with challenges. It then helps us to move on with tools and ideas to deal with our worries in a more constructive way.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Praise Page

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

About Paul McGee

Introduction

Section One: Stop, Understand

Chapter 1: The Big Deal About Worry

So what do we mean by worry?

So what's the impact of worrying?

So does worry ever work?

Chapter 2: Why Do We Worry?

1. We can enjoy worrying

2. The challenge of change and uncertainty

3. A lack of knowledge and experience

4. A lack of influence or control

5. Your values

6. Your upbringing

7. Previous experiences

8. Overexposure to bad news

Do women worry more than men?

Chapter 3: Are We Wired to Worry?

A bit about your brain

Why keeping perspective can be difficult to do

Chapter 4: Ever Got Lost in Loopy Logic?

Nine symptoms of suffering from loopy logic

Is praying a little bit loopy?

So how loopy can you be?

Section Two: Move On

Chapter 5: Let's Get Rational

Two Great Ways to Use Your Rational Brain

Chapter 6: Manage Your Imagination

Why is our imagination important?

Why fuss over fear?

Using your imagination to work for you

More ways to use your imagination

Problem solving with a little help from your friends

Now it's over to you

Chapter 7: Show a Little Respect… to Yourself

1. Start changing your scripts

2. Avoid going it alone

3. Let go of grudges

4. Engage in exercise

5. Postpone permanently pleasing people

Chapter 8: How to Make Your Environment Friendly

1. Manage your mental diet

2. Escape from escalators

3. Cut the clutter

4. Find the funny

5. Muse to the music

And Finally…

Further Reading

Other titles from Paul McGee

Some helpful organizations

Bring Paul McGee to your organization

Index

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‘I was rather worried before I read How Not To Worry that I may unearth some abnormality or imperfection about myself. I needn't have been concerned. I feel quite normal now. Paul's approach to this subject is fantastic. It's as though he's sat across from you having a chat. Extremely easy to read, very interesting and with some simple ideas of how to have a worry-less life. Highly recommended.’

Richard McCann, Sunday Times Number One Bestselling Author of iCan and Inspirational Speaker

‘How Not to Worry is a down to earth book, which can help the many “walking wounded worriers” deal with the small stresses in life that create sleepless nights. It is well written and very practically orientated, and should help you confront and deal with the many stresses and strains that lead to worrying.’

Professor Cary Cooper, CBE, Distinguished Professor of Organizational Psychology and Health, Lancaster University

‘We all need help in dealing with the pressures of modern living, whatever walk of life we're from. I recognize the pressures that come from high expectations and know that this book will provide you with both the insight and the inspiration to deal more effectively with the challenges of life. Paul McGee's approach is practical and honest as he shares his own personal experiences. A powerful read.’

Shay Given, Aston Villa and Republic of Ireland Goalkeeper

‘Enlightening and engaging, you are bound to discover ideas and insights to help you deal with the pressures of life.’

Rosemary Conley, CBE

‘If ever a book's subject was right for a point in time, it's this one. Businesses of today are worried - about the economy, cheap competitors, demanding customers, demotivated staff… the list is endless.

‘But, if you can't fix your own oxygen mask, how can you even begin to think about helping others?

‘This book provides simple, practical ways for you to help both yourself and others. To focus on the positives, not simply avoid the negatives. To thrive, not merely survive. A great guide to help you achieve a more sane and enjoyable life.’

Andy Bounds, Britain's Sales Trainer of the Year

‘I'm not usually a great fan of this kind of book, but Paul McGee's approach is both enjoyable and useful. It could go a long way to help alleviate some of the unnecessary worries that people become trapped by. Don't just read it, but apply the ideas as well.’

Kevin Morley, Channel 4's Secret Millionaire and Former Managing Director of Rover Car Group

‘This book will prove a valuable resource for people wishing to gain some understanding of managing a broad range of stressful emotions. Paul McGee manages to present the facets of this all too common trait in a clear no-nonsense digestible form that enables the reader to identify their own unique “triggers” and provides a tool kit of ideas and suggestions for coping with, dealing with and above all altering reactions. He provides plausible examples that give the reader practical guidelines to apply in “their world.” Make it a permanent resident of your handiest reference shelf.’

Jean Donnell Jones, Cognitive Psychologist, Cheshire Counselling and Training Services

‘I really didn't expect to get so much benefit from a book I didn't think I needed to read. I'd imagine this is invaluable for someone who believes they struggle with stress, anxiety or worry, but also for anyone else to help them get a better understanding so they may support someone who does! Quite often our ignorance to these issues stops people asking for support when they desperately need it. Well done Paul for producing an easy to digest book that will help people at all levels.’

Jamie Stewart, Managing Director of Kleeneze

‘I hate this book. If my clients are not worried, they just won't need me. McGee's techniques are so annoyingly clever and frustratingly accessible that he might have just put the entire self-help and coaching industries out of business.’

Graham Davies, Author of The Presentation Coach

‘A practical, realistic and effective approach to dealing with a serious topic. This book is an excellent and insightful read sprinkled with the occasional dash of humour. As you'll learn, achieving success doesn't mean worry and stress come with the territory. This book shows you how to enjoy the pressures of life rather than be weighed down by them.’

Kevin Gaskell, Former Managing Director of BMW, Porsche and Lamborghini and Successful Serial Entrepreneur

‘This book is brilliant. Paul McGee speaks to you personally off the pages, and his advice is spot-on. He understands why we worry, and how we can stop doing it. If you've ever worried about anything, at any time, this is the book for you.’

Alan Stevens, The Media Coach, Past President, Global Speakers Federation

‘If you find that the epidemic of fear and worry that pervades the developed world affects you, then you need to read Paul McGee's wonderful book. Your life will be the richer - and quite possibly, longer - for it.’

Fergus O'Connell, bestselling author of Simply Brilliant and Earn More, Stress Less

This edition first published 2012

© 2012 Paul McGee

Illustrations © Fiona Griffiths

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McGee, Paul, 1964-

How not to worry: The Remarkable Truth of How a Small Change Can Help You

Stress Less and Enjoy Life More / Paul McGee ; illustrations by Fiona Griffiths. p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-0-85708-286-2

1. Worry. 2. Anxiety. 3. Calmness. I. Title. BF575.W8M36 2012

152.4'6--dc23

2012007153

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. ISBN 978-0-857-08286-2 (pbk) ISBN 978-0-857-08292-3 (ebk)

ISBN 978-0-857-08294-7 (ebk) ISBN 978-0-857-08293-0 (ebk)

Set in 11/14 Baskerville by Sparks - www.sparkspublishing.com

Printed in Great Britain by TJ International Ltd, Padstow, Cornwall, UK

About Paul McGee

Paul McGee is one of the UK's leading speakers on the areas of change, confidence, workplace relationships, motivation and stress. His thought-provoking, humorous and practical approach to life's challenges has seen him speak in 35 countries to date and he is the author of seven books. He is also a performance and life coach working with one of the English Premiership's leading football clubs.

The proud creator of S.U.M.O. (Shut Up, Move On), his simple yet profound messages have spread across the globe both in public and private sector organizations. More recently his ideas have been developed for young people under the banner of SUMO4Schools.

Building on his academic background in behavioural and social psychology, Paul is also a trained counsellor, a performance coach and a Fellow of the Professional Speaking Association.

His aim is simple – ‘I want to help people achieve better results in life and have more fun in the process’.

For more information visit www.TheSumoGuy.com or follow Paul on Twitter: @TheSumoGuy

Introduction

I'm not sure what percentage of your family have to describe themselves as worriers for you to say you're from a family of worriers, but I must come pretty close.

That's not to be critical of my family. Not all of them fit into that category, and indeed my own father would be at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. But I do come close.

So I guess it's fair to say this topic is particularly near to my heart.

During the writing of this book when I mentioned to people the title, the majority instantly replied ‘I'll be getting a copy of that when it comes out’.

Now if I'm honest I wasn't sure if that last statement was a command or a sign of real interest in the subject. Are they expecting me, the author, who has slaved over the manuscript for months, to send them a free copy (signed of course) or do they genuinely believe that they too, like many of my family, are worriers and could do with some help along the way?

I'm hoping it's the latter.

I need the royalties.

Hey, just kidding.

Seriously, I do hope that the subject matter does have wide appeal and wherever you place yourself on the worry spectrum you find ideas and insights that prove invaluable in dealing with what seems to be becoming an increasingly challenging problem.

As we'll see in our first chapter, people use a variety of terms to describe their worries and in fact the word ‘worry’ might not be one of them.

That's OK.

My belief is that few of us react to life's challenges in quite the way we'd like to and that whatever label we use to describe our response you'll find some good stuff cropping up amongst the following pages that will help you on your journey.

I've written a number of books that fall within the self help/business category and I'm humbled when from time to time people describe reading one of them as life changing.

Some people are perhaps a little more subdued in their feedback but still usually make a few positive noises about what I've written.

And there are a few people who, it pains me to say, get very little if anything from reading my material.

Interestingly enough, though, I can get all the above responses from people who've all read the same book.

So I guess to some extent how you engage with what you're about to read depends on where you're currently at in life, and also why you've picked up this book in the first place. If you've decided on reading this to kill a few hours at an airport or because you fancied a read for your train journey you may approach the subject matter in a somewhat different way from the person who has felt plagued with worry throughout their lives and is looking for some help and inspiration.

Well, wherever you're at, here's what you can expect in terms of my style and approach:

The book has been divided into two sections. I've called the first section ‘Stop, Understand’. I want to explore why worry seems to be such a big deal, what the reasons are for it and expose some of the behavioural traps we fall into when we're dealing with some of life's challenges.

My goal in doing so is to get you to take some time to reflect and also gain a greater understanding of the subject. You see, I want to explore the causes, not just the consequences, of worry.

That in turn should set us up nicely for the second section, which I've called ‘Move On’. Having gained insights from the first half I then want to explore a range of practical tools and ideas to help us deal with our worries and challenges (real or otherwise) in a more constructive way. Even in this ‘Move On’ section I'll give you the opportunity for some reflection — and throughout the book you'll come across sections called ‘Hammock Time’ which will give you a chance to reflect on what you've just read. You may be tempted to skip over these in the belief that all you need to help you change is more information and taking time to pause and reflect only slows down that journey.

Wrong.

Big time.

You'll gain far more from reading this book if you take time to chew over some of the ideas and even complete some of the exercises.

Here's the deal.

I'm not promising a magic cure.

I'm not even prescribing a set of quick-fix solutions.

I am, however, saying if you take time to engage with what's been written you'll significantly increase the value you gain from reading it. Not only that but you'll discover strategies that won't only benefit you but you can also pass onto others.

Also be aware that in writing this book I did have a picture of the kind of person reading it.

You're probably female. Average height. Dark hair. In a relationship. And your star sign is Libra.

I'm joking. Although if you are all of the above then this is getting spooky isn't it?

What I mean is, I do have a general picture of the kind of person I'm writing this book for.

And without trying to undermine you in any way I'm thinking you're like the majority of people who would be drawn to read this kind of book.

Fairly normal.

I don't mean that to insult you. I just think that like me you probably sometimes find life a challenging juggling act and also a bit of a rollercoaster at times. However, you're not on the verge of mental meltdown and neither are you using this material as your main text for your PHD thesis on ‘The societal effects of stress in the 21st century and its philosophical and economic implications'.

You may or may not have children, but if you do you'll probably relate to the quote that says ‘Having children is a mixture of pure joy and guerrilla warfare'.

And the word ‘struggle' would not be an accurate description to describe all aspects of your life but it may have crept onto your radar from time to time, particularly more recently.

You may, however, have been affected by the aftershock of the current economic climate and be more concerned about your future now than perhaps at any stage of your life so far. Or perhaps you're a little like my wife, who generally tends to be a laid-back kind of person but would still like to worry less about stuff than she does now.

If you can identify with some of the above, then welcome to how the vast majority of people are probably feeling at present. And if you don't fall into any of the above categories I'd be surprised if you don't know several people who do.

Now can I let you into a secret?

I do have a small confession to make.

Most of what I write is rather simple and straightforward. Strangely that can be a problem to some people.

In some ways they may feel cheated or robbed.

I guess complex intellectual answers do in some ways massage our egos. Simple ones don't.

However, let me be clear.

Simple does not mean easy.

I think the theory of losing weight seems quite simple. Eat less, exercise more.

Simple.

But not always easy.

Agree?

So let me assure you, I've worked really hard to make what I write simple and accessible. I hope you'll find that to be the case, and that simple has not crossed over into being overly simplistic. In fact I take some encouragement from the late Steve Jobs, who said ‘Simple can be harder than complex. You have to work hard to get your thinking clear to make it simple. But it's worth it in the end because once you get there you can move mountains.' (Business Week, 25 May 1998.)

My goal is also to point out the obvious. Most things are obvious aren't they?

In hindsight.

Dotted throughout my writing will be some personal anecdotes. Suffering three close bereavements in four months, moving house and office on the same day, seeing my son leave home for the first time and experiencing complications after what was supposed to be a routine operation, all whilst writing this book, have certainly added experience as well as insight into what I'm about to share. And although some of those experiences have been difficult they've also kept me firmly rooted in the real world and a safe distance from ivory towers.

I'm from Manchester.

Where it rains.

When on a bright sunny day it's still grey.

And therefore you may spot some rays of northern perspective shining through the pages occasionally.

As I say in my business presentations, if you're looking for some Californian type motivation you're in for a disappointment. This is Mancunian motivation.

Tell it as it is.

No bull.

And let's be really practical. (Oh, and I also try on occasions to inject some humour into what I realize is a potentially heavy subject. To be fair you may or may not spot my attempts.)

So I hope you can cope.

If so, then let's begin.

And remember,

Enjoy the journey.

Paul McGee

For some people, worry, stress and anxiety may be a far more serious issue than can be addressed by simply reading a book. If it is affecting your health or wellbeing, whilst I hope this book does help in some small way I would strongly urge you to seek professional help.

Section One

Stop, Understand

Chapter 1

The Big Deal About Worry

If you're reading this book and you're from what is often described as the developed free world, let me ask you some questions:

How does it feel to be one of the wealthiest people to have ever lived on this planet?

How does it feel to know your life expectancy is higher than any other generation that's ever been born?

How does it feel to have the opportunity to travel and discover more of life's riches in a week than most people previously had in a lifetime?

Now let me ask you another question:

Why on earth, given the above, would anyone need to worry, feel anxious or suffer from stress?

But the fact is we do.

Some argue that our mental wellbeing has never been as fragile as it is now. Newspapers scream headlines of a stress epidemic. Doctors' waiting rooms are full of people suffering less from tangible physical ailments but more from psychological ones.

And despite the current economic gloom, the reality is

we've never had it so good

and yet

we've never felt so bad.

How come?

If you were born in 1900 your life expectancy was around 46. (And if you were born that year then congratulations on living so long – but what possessed you to buy this book?) If you were born in 2003 your life expectancy is now over 80 years.

Good, eh?

Materially we've never had such prosperity. And that's despite the economic turbulence of the last few years.

Technology has transformed our lives. And yes, although it can always be used to bring destruction, in most cases it's used to bring hope, help and convenience to millions of lives.

In a nutshell we're the healthiest and wealthiest generation that's ever lived.

And

we're worrying more.

Survey after survey reports both stress and depression levels are rising.

The medical profession continues to dispense pills and potions at an alarming rate in order to rectify or at least dampen down our anxiety. And now there are even calls for children to be screened for anxiety disorders to prevent them developing mental problems in later life.

In a generation where an overwhelming sense of gratitude should be our defining emotion it seems fear in all its various guises is actually more pervasive.

Strange, isn't it?

But however strange it may be, it's a reality.

This is no half-baked conspiracy theory.

Worry, stress, anxiety or whichever label you prefer to use are real issues.

Not only are they real issues but they have real consequences.

Consequences that ultimately impact not only our lives but also the lives of others around us.

It's a big deal.

With serious implications.

So what do we mean by worry?

My friend Stephanie was curious to know about the book I'm writing. When I mentioned it was on the subject of worry, she replied, ‘Oh I don't need to read that – I never worry, it's not in my make up. I get stressed at times and occasionally feel anxious about stuff, but I never worry.’

Well, whatever label you use to describe your emotions, be it worry, stress, nerves or anxiety, they all seem to have common themes. All of them imply a lack of emotional wellbeing to some degree or another.

However, like the words ‘love’ or ‘God’ they're often used liberally and without any thought about their real meaning. They're words which mean different things to different people. But as you'd expect, people are not about to sit down and analyze or unpack what they specifically mean. The person experiencing some form of emotional turmoil is unlikely to embark upon the following conversation:

‘I'm really worried about my son's exam results. Actually, am I worried? Maybe I'm anxious. Maybe that's a more accurate description to describe the emotions I'm currently feeling. Or perhaps I'm neither. Maybe I'm stressing about his future and the implications if he doesn't get his grades. Yep, that's it. I'm not worried, I'm not anxious. I'm stressed.’

However, although people use the terms worry, anxiety and stress interchangeably, the following illustrations will clarify in your own mind the differences between them and how they relate to each other.

Worry is a form of thinking. Our mind becomes focused on a particular problem, concern or challenge. How we worry can either be constructive or destructive. There's ‘worth it worry’, which hopefully leads to you taking some form of action to resolve an issue, or there's ‘worthless worry’, which does nothing to actually deal with the concerns you have.

Anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling or emotion. It's that sense of apprehension and dread that something bad is going to happen or something is about to go wrong.

Stress is the body's physical response to a perceived threat. It's often an instantaneous unconscious reaction that is triggered in the primitive part of the brain. This part of the brain's primary goal is to keep you alive, hence the expression ‘fight or flight response.’ (We'll explore this in a lot more detail later.) Actually, there is a third survival response, which in this context rarely gets a mention, and that is to freeze. Sometimes our ability to keep still and motionless could help protect us from a predator. We share these survival responses with much of the animal kingdom. The primitive part of the brain is also often referred to as the reptilian part of the brain, which gives us a big clue about its evolutionary origins.

So our thinking (worry) leads us to feel (anxiety) which results in a physical response (stress).

However, the root of our problem doesn't always start with worry. It can begin at any part of the cycle.

For instance, my wife and I experienced a rare event in the north west of England one summer – we had over two hours of uninterrupted sunshine. Seizing the moment, we headed for some fields near where we lived in the hope of enjoying a stroll in the sunshine.

It was peaceful and idyllic.

At one stage we even contemplated holding hands.

We saw young children picking blackberries and the sound of an ice cream van announcing its presence in the distance.

Everything was calm and relaxed, and then suddenly, out of nowhere, our lives were in mortal danger.

On the other side of a hedge we were walking past was a huge vicious dog.

It had no lead.

No owner was in sight.

It had only one intention:

to kill my wife

and me.

An unannounced expletive escaped from my mouth.

My hair stood on end.

My heart seemed to awake from its leisurely afternoon.

I could literally feel its desperate attempt to pump blood through my veins, as if my very life depended on it.

My fight or flight response had definitely been activated.

In a nano second

I felt anxious.

I worried that any moment now the dog would attack us.

It didn't.

In fact we never saw it.

Not face to face anyway.

So what did really happen?

Well, most of the above did happen.

I perhaps exaggerated about contemplating holding hands.

But the rest is true.

Almost.

We were walking beside a hedge when we heard the barking of what sounded like a large, vicious and very aggressive dog. I couldn't actually see it as it was on the other side of a tall hedge but I was able to imagine it.

I pictured it without its owner.

Without a lead.

I even imagined what type of dog it was.

And I'm glad I imagined all of the above.

I'm glad my primitive brain was activated and that my body was instantaneously primed to deal with a potential physical attack.

Because if it was true I was in the most appropriate physical state to deal with the challenge.