How to Succeed with People E-Book

Paul McGee

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 161

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Beschreibung

Learn to be a people person with international bestselling author Paul McGee!

Let's face it, if you want any sort of success in life you’re going to have to deal with other people at some point. All success requires input from other people – even if you've invented something in your bedroom, eventually, you're going to need to interact with people to take it to the next level. And even if you don’t desperately hanker after success, you surely want to be liked, have friends, get on well with people? Learning how to better communicate and interact with others can really help to improve your life – from ensuring you enjoy parties more to turning you into a roaring success magnet. So whether you dread social events with a passion and spend evenings cringing in a corner, or just want to have better relationships at work and in life, then How to Succeed With People, written in Paul’s characteristic down to earth, approachable style, can help you become a people magnet.

Learn how to:

• Hold people’s attention when you talk
• Listen and react properly to what others are saying or doing
• Better confront, complain and deal with difficult conversations
• Give compliments and praise
• Deal with interviews, networking events, difficult conversations and more
• And much more

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Title page

Copyright page

Dedication

What’s the big deal about this people stuff?

Let’s set the scene

Section One: Stop, Understand

People can’t be fixed

Most people suffer from S.A.D.S.

Some people are lightbulbs

Why intelligent people do stupid things

You get what you tolerate

Humiliation is for amateurs

Being nice won’t always work

It takes two to tango

No investment, no return

Section Two: Move On

Have realistic expectations

Let sleeping dogs lie . . . sometimes

Check out your attitude

Be willing to be wrong

Don’t treat people as you want to be treated

Four killer questions you have to ask yourself

1. What’s going on in their world at the moment?

2. What’s important to them at this time?

3. Am I listening to understand or listening to defend?

4. Have I clearly communicated my perspective?

How to make criticism count . . . not crucify

Work out why they’re whinging

1. Some people are miserable by nature

2. A lack of self-confidence

3. A perceived sense of injustice

How to make people feel S.P.E.C.I.A.L. (Part 1)

1. Serve

2. Personalized

3. Encourage

How to make people feel S.P.E.C.I.A.L. (Part 2)

4. Courtesy

5. Interest

6. Appreciation

7. Listen

How to pick people up when they’re feeling down

1. It’s OK to not feel OK

2. Reframe failure

3. Look for the positives

4. Go for quick wins

5. Change location

How to talk so people listen

1. Drowning people in detail

2. Failing to make your message relevant to your audience

3. Focusing on facts and forgetting the feelings

The ball’s in your court

How to succeed with people

About Paul McGee

More stuff to help

Index

© 2013 Paul McGee

Illustrations (section title pages) © Fiona Osborne

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McGee, Paul, 1964– How to succeed with people : remarkably easy ways to engage, influence and motivate almost anyone/Paul McGee.

1 online resource.

Includes index.

Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource not viewed.

ISBN 978-0-85708-295-4 (ebk) – ISBN 978-0-85708-296-1 (ebk) – ISBN 978-0-85708-297-8 (ebk) – ISBN 978-0-85708-289-3 (pbk.) 1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Success. I. Title.

BF637.C45

158.2–dc23

2013003564

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Chapter title pages designed by Andy Prior Design

Cover design: Binary & The Brain

To the memory of Clive Gott and Kenny Harris.

Miss you guys.

I wonder if there may be some people you either live or work with who might be secretly or perhaps even publically scoffing at the fact that you’re reading this book. Isn’t all this stuff better off compartmentalized in the “pink and fluffy” box?

So do they have a point?

Absolutely.

Not.

Let me ask you a few questions.

Do you know talented people who are currently disengaged and demotivated at work?How much does the success of your business depend on the quality of your relationships with customers and clients?Are there talented people who’ve left your organization and the main reason was due to their poor working relationship with their boss?Have there been relationships in your personal life that started off well but have now withered and died?Does the way you personally handle conflict tend to make things better or worse?Are there close family members who no longer speak to each other because of their inability to resolve a conflict?Do you know young people who can’t wait to leave home because of their relationship with their parents?Has your education equipped you with a set of skills necessary to get the best out of yourself and your relationships with others?

Thought-provoking questions eh?

Now let me ask you some more.

So this is all pink and fluffy stuff, right?

It has no real impact on the quality of people’s performance at work?

It has no impact on the bottom line?

It has no effect on the quality of your personal relationships?

Yeah right.

If people believe this is just pink and fluffy stuff, what are they?

A comedian?

Deluded?

Scared?

The fact is, if you’re a woman reading this, the odds are you’re probably already convinced of the importance of this book. However, some men (I’m glad to say not all) are still caught up in their antiquated and outdated machismo and need a wakeup call.

Some have already had one. Some have started to move with the times. Many more need to follow. And I write that as a fully paid up member of the male species.

However, whatever your gender, whatever your age, perhaps it’s time to admit this:

Bite Size Wisdom

The soft stuff is the serious stuff. It’s a big deal

So let’s quit playing games that “people are our biggest asset,” and then spend hardly any time, energy or resources in equipping them to fulfil their potential. Let’s kiss goodbye to tick box training and sign up to the fact that we all need help in knowing how to get the best out of ourselves and others. Especially in these challenging, uncertain and unpredictable times.

Let’s ditch this pink and fluffy illusion once and for all and face facts.

Succeeding with people is a very big deal. And the ability to do so has perhaps never been as important as it is now.

Agree?

What does success mean to you?

Why not press pause for a moment and consider this question:

What does succeeding with people actually mean to you?

Do you hope more people will like you? Listen to you? Buy from you? Agree with you?

Is it a way for you to become more convincing and be more persuasive? Is it about you managing people more effectively or being a better parent? Or is the person you need to get on better with actually yourself?

You see, “success” means different things to different people.

None of us are starting from the same point, or with the same priorities.

So what does it mean for you? How will you know that reading this book has been worthwhile?

What do you want to do more of?

What do you want to do less of?

A lot of people read for pleasure. Fine. But wouldn’t it also be worthwhile reading with purpose?

OK, well let’s begin by setting the scene, so that you’re clear on what you can and cannot expect from reading this book and why I’ve taken the approach I have in writing it.

So you’ve decided to read a book about succeeding with people. Firstly, thanks for choosing this one. I hope you find reading it to be a valuable investment of your time and helpful on a number of different levels.

To begin with, let me explain why I’ve written the book and also why I’ve written it the way I have.

I guess unless you’re a recluse or a monk who’s taken a vow of silence whilst living in some isolated location, then interacting with people is part of day to day life. Despite our rapidly growing relationship with technology dealing with people in a visible or virtual sense is something few of us can escape.

But here’s the deal.

None of us are magically born with a set of skills and insights to deal with the challenges of life and the people we encounter.

Seven billion people currently inhabit this planet, and by 2050 that figure is likely to be around 9 billion. That’s a lot of people. Now I know you’re not going to meet them all (no matter how big an extrovert you are), but the reality is the number of people you interact with in just a few months of your life is likely to exceed the number your great grandparents encountered in their entire lifetime.

Throw into the melting pot of those encounters with people economic uncertainty, globalization, information overload, twenty-four/seven living, increased expectations, the rise and role of the internet, cultural differences and you’ve got yourself quite a complex concoction.

The bottom line?

Our ancestors never lived in a world even remotely close to the one we’re living in now. And whilst there may be an instruction manual for your iPad and your smartphone there isn’t one specifically for dealing with people.

Here’s the reality.

People are both predictable and unpredictable. Simple and complex. They can be kind. They can be killers. They give. They grab. They’re compassionate. They’re complacent. They’re amazing. They’re awful. They love. They hate. They’re shaped by their past whilst living in the present.

So I’m not going to give you any bull here. I’m going to tell it as it is.

Faced with such a list of contrasting traits that people possess, the best we can hope for in dealing with them are some really helpful guidelines.

But no guarantees.

Now that’s not to say there isn’t some good news.

You see, despite the plethora of contradictions that make people who they are, there are some simple ideas, strategies and approaches that will help you build better relation­ships in both your personal and professional life. There are no magic wands, but they will significantly increase your chances of succeeding with people.

As a professional speaker and coach I’ve worked in 36 countries to date, across four continents. And here’s one thing I’ve learnt: Although colour and creed may differ, whether I’m working in America, Africa, Australia, Asia or on my doorstep in Europe, what unites us is greater than what divides us.

In my experience we all have an insatiable drive to improve our lives – sometimes out of necessity, but often driven by our need for security and a sense of purpose.

Most of us want our children to have better lives than our own.

Many of us crave meaning and find it in religion, relationships or belonging to a particular cause or group.

Most of us intuitively know right from wrong.

But there are differences.

Culture, upbringing, age and religion help create those differences and shape our behaviour (I’m particularly fascinated by the way culture influences how we interpret other people’s behaviour – for instance, avoiding eye contact in one culture is a sign of respect, but in another it has the opposite effect).

So I want at the outset to acknowledge those differences, and to reassure you I won’t be providing a one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with people. However, I do want to raise your awareness and understanding of both yourself and others and provide insights and ideas you can use immediately. Both in and outside of work. Just be aware that you need to tailor them to your own particular situation, culture and current context.

Therefore make sure you use the ideas that are most relevant and realistic for you, recognizing what may work in one situation will fail in another. That’s how life is and people are sometimes. So being flexible will be key.

Remember, no matter how good an idea is, it still needs to be used in the right way, in the right context, at the right time. After all . . .

Bite Size Wisdom

A fire extinguisher could be invaluable. But it’s no use to a drowning man

Why is the book written the way it is?

There will always be lovers of books. For some people nothing can beat a good novel. But what percentage of the population enjoys wading through a business or self-help book? My guess is it’s quite small.

How many people purchase business and self-help books but never finish them?

My guess is quite a lot.

So in an age when we seem cash rich but time poor and where we communicate via blogs and tweets and less through long books I wanted to achieve the best of both worlds.

A book that contains easy bite size wisdom that won’t cause indigestion and can be read in bite size chunks.

A book that once consumed won’t leave you bloated with information but rather energized and inspired with insights and ideas.

Oh and you’ll notice something else.

What you’re about to read is both simple and straightforward.

That’s deliberate.

My goal is to help you become better at understanding, communicating and connecting with people.

It’s not to massage your intellectual ego.

Steve Jobs spent his life trying to make the complex simple. Now I’m no Steve Jobs, but that’s what you will find in this book.

Simplicity.

Straightforwardness.

A desire to cut to the chase.

Ideas and insights communicated in a bite size way.

You will also find honesty. I will share my mistakes and successes, and what I learnt from both.

And you will be challenged. There may be occasions when you’re made to feel slightly uncomfortable.

You weren’t expecting that, were you?

We like to feel good about ourselves. We like to feel we don’t have to do a great deal to achieve success. If you’re like me you’d quite like the very act of reading a book to magically transform you.

Beware of that trap. You see, we can delude ourselves into believing that the greater our knowledge the greater our success.

So let me be very straight with you.

I’ve been on this planet a long time. I’ve met some very knowledgeable failures. I’ve met some highly intelligent people who are highly incompetent with people.

Knowledge is a start but it’s no guarantee of a successful finish. Neither is having a high IQ.

So along the way expect to be challenged not just to read the book but actually to do something with what you read. However, I promise I’ll also include material that will raise the occasional smile. I really do hope you enjoy what you’re reading, as well as find yourself being challenged by it at times.

You may also find some chapters more relevant than others. Succeeding with people is a big topic that covers a wide range of issues. Some topics covered are equally important both in and outside of work, but others do have more of a workplace bias.

Hopefully all the content is of interest, but some will be of real importance. So take hold of what is most applicable and perhaps share some of the other ideas with the people around you.

The first section gives you the opportunity to “Stop and Understand” people and to explore what can and can’t realistically be achieved in your encounters with others. The second section helps you to “Move On” by using specific strategies to successfully deal with people in a variety of situations and contexts.

Finally, under no circumstances ever underestimate the power and impact of brief and simple ideas to help you on your journey to be successful with people.

But remember this: They’re easy to do. They’re also easy not to do.

The choice is yours.

Happy reading!

Paul McGee, 2013

Section One

Stop, Understand

Clare seemed very distressed. “I’m thirty years old, unemployed and still live at home with my parents. There are only two reasons why I can’t get a job. Either there’s something wrong with the world or there’s something wrong with me. Clearly the world isn’t to blame for where I’m at in life at present, so the problem clearly lies with me. I need fixing. Can you help?”

Wow. I’d only asked her how she was.

Clare had a very black and white view of life – perhaps more so than most of us. But she fell into a trap I believe many of us can fall into.

Believing people can be fixed.

Such people believe there must be a formula. A cure. Some instant solution that will remedy their problem, either with themselves or someone else.

Bite Size Wisdom

Stop looking for quick fix solutions to complex, long-term problems

Well in case you hadn’t noticed, people are not machines. A car or a computer may need a faulty part replacing before it’s functioning again, but people are a little more complex. And as soon as you start looking to “fix” people or “fix” yourself you’re in trouble.

The problem is we’re so used to getting “things” fixed we start believing we can also do the same with people.

The reality is very different.

If you’ve got trouble with your phone you can ring a help­line and follow the step by step instructions on how to resolve it. Voila. Before you know it your problem is sorted. Carefully follow the instructions on how to erect your flat pack furniture and before your very eyes emerges your own TV stand with matching set of tables (although to be fair the ones I build end up looking more like a double wardrobe).

But there are no instruction manuals when it comes to dealing with people. Religions may lay out guidelines and principles to live by, but not step by step instructions. If there were such a manual it would have to be a very thick one.

Why?

We’re complex. We’re inconsistent. We react differently to the same event depending on our mood at that particular moment.