Sleep Well E-Book

Fiona Brennan

• Herausgeber: Gill Books
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

Transform your sleep, Transform your life.Imagine getting into bed every evening and drifting off quickly into a deep and restorative sleep, awakening refreshed and glowing with life and vitality. You feel calm and powerful and you know that you can cope with anything that comes your way. It is time to meet your best-slept self!Over the course of the eight-week Sleep Well programme, you will learn the surprising and effective habits necessary to optimise the length and quality of your sleep and transform your relationship with rest, resulting in long-term benefits to your health, mood and productivity. The unique blend of hypnotherapy, spirituality and sleep science will help you to wake up fully to who you are and develop faith in your innate ability to get to and stay asleep – every night.'A much-needed compassionate and insightful guide to promoting restful sleep.' LUCY WOLFE, SLEEP CONSULTANT'A map to guide you toward a lifetime of beautiful, restorative, restful sleep.' DERMOT WHELAN''Sleep Well is a wonderfully practical, easy-to-read book that will immediately improve your sleep length and quality … a scientifically grounded masterpiece.' DR ROBERT KELLY, CARDIOLOGIST

Leseprobe

SLEEPWELL

8 HABITS TO HELP YOU FALL A SLEEP,STAY A SLEEP AND WAKE UP REFRESHED

FIONA BRENNAN

GILL BOOKS

To Aunty Lally and to Olive,whose breath of kindness soothed me to sleepand woke me up to a life of safety, joy and love.

CONTENTS

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Foreword

Introduction

WEEK ONE: Your Decision to Sleep Well

WEEK TWO: Your Sleep Story

WEEK THREE: Your Waking Self

WEEK FOUR: Your Sleeping Self

WEEK FIVE: Embrace the Challenges

WEEK SIX: Sleep Strength One – Presence

WEEK SEVEN: Sleep Strength Two – Patience

WEEK EIGHT: Sleep Strength Three – Peace

CONCLUSION: Sharing Your Light

Notes

Acknowledgements

Copyright

About the Author

About Gill Books

Praise for the author’s works

FOREWORD

WHEN I WAS ELEVEN, a schoolmate asked me if I’d like to see a picture of a naked woman. This was in County Limerick in the mid-1980s. The most exciting thing you might see would be Farmer Daly driving his hay-filled tractor up the road. Actually, I tell a lie – one day I spied a football sticker of former Manchester United star Gordon Strachan lying under the bars of a cattle grid at the local golf club. That was as exciting as it was frustrating, as his little Scottish head was beyond the reach of my pre-pubescent arms. But, other than that, nothing particularly exciting ever happened in the environs of Ballyclough. So, the prospect of seeing some nudity definitely piqued my interest that day.

I was mildly reluctant to go with this particular chap, as I never quite knew if I was his friend or not. He was my neighbour, was way cooler and tougher than me and had a mind-boggling knowledge of bands with strange names. He was an intimidating sort, and could turn on you at any moment if he felt you were surplus to requirements. But on this occasion I decided it was worth the risk. He explained that the contraband picture was in the adjacent field in an old pumphouse, a building which was basically an empty concrete shed. We set off, and when we arrived he allowed me to enter first because this was my special surprise. On closer inspection of the interior of the damp building, I realised that there was, in fact, no such picture inside and that this was some kind of cunning ruse. Before I knew what was happening, I was flung to the ground and was staring up at his thatch of blond hair and knowing smile. Before punching me in the face, he uttered a sentence that would be so at home in a cheesy movie, it always makes me smile when I think of it. Drawing back his fist, he looked me in the eye and said through gritted teeth, ‘You should never fall for women.’ And then the lights went out.

Dermot, why in God’s name are you telling us this strange, if not a little traumatising, story from your bizarre rural childhood? Well, because this is how our relationship with sleep can be. There are times in our life when sleep seems to switch from being our best friend, our comfort and our saviour to a mysterious entity whom we can’t trust, who lulls us into a false sense of security and, just when we need them the most, turns on us like a charismatic bully in a pumphouse. Relationships can only be rewarding when you know where you stand with them, and sleep is no different. We need to be able to rely on sleep, to know that when our head hits the pillow, sleep is our ally and a force for good. Without the right knowledge at our disposal, particularly in times of stress, sleep can drift away from us, and, just like that glorious Panini football sticker under the bars, we can find it tantalisingly out of reach.

The great news is that the knowledge I speak of is between the covers of this book. But this is not just a book; it’s a map. A map that will guide you towards not only a lifetime of beautiful, restorative, restful sleep but also those parts of yourself that have been calling for your help and attention. And who better than Fiona to accompany you on this journey? I have sat in her therapy chair, I have interviewed her on my radio show countless times and I have been lucky enough to enjoy her friendship for almost a decade. Her compassion is fathomless, and you will witness this as you turn these special pages. And that compassion will become the golden key to unlocking your sleep journey, because when we are struggling with sleep, we tend to be so hard on ourselves, questioning our abilities, berating our efforts and tormenting those parts of ourselves that are most in need of rest and understanding. With her unwavering calmness, playful sense of humour and decades of clinical experience, you will get the support and advice you need to change your relationship with sleep for good. Even if sleep is something that you feel is not terribly problematic for you, you will discover new depths to your relationship with it that will reinvigorate your energy, calm your nervous system and boost your lust for life.

I know what it feels like to experience poor sleep. It’s draining, exhausting and before long it’s all you can think or talk about. It holds us back from living the way we feel we could live and it can create a pervasive anxiety that makes bedtime an unsettling and frustrating experience instead of one of patience, presence and peace.

So, my advice, having been lucky enough to read this book and follow the hypnosis and meditation lessons, is to commit to it. Not because my neighbour will beat you up if you don’t but because any relationship needs your full attention. It deserves it and, quite frankly, you deserve it. And when you begin this book and start to listen to these audios, something magical will happen. The doorway of sleep will begin to open up for you and the experience of bedtime will be transformed. I’m not quite able to fully explain it (thankfully Fiona can!), but you will feel lighter, more positive and, of course, your sleep will be deeper and more restorative. Instead of dreading the nights, you will look forward to turning these pages and to the gift of listening to Fiona’s voice as it wraps you up in a blanket of deep rest. I know all this because I continue to follow Fiona’s course every night. It seems like mysterious alchemy as I drift off each evening and, I have to admit, I feel a little guilty because I get to listen to less and less of the audios, as I seem to fall asleep quicker each time! But I know she doesn’t mind; as she will explain, it works whether you’re awake or asleep. So, the time for beating yourself up is over. The time for wondering what you’ve been doing wrong is at an end. This book is the answer you’ve been looking for.

And, just in case you were worried about little eleven-year-old me, he turned out fine. He never followed that infamous advice that was given to him in the pumphouse that day, and thankfully fell for a very beautiful woman and ended up very happily married. My neighbour and I ended up being great friends and he shared a lot of his extraordinary music knowledge and, more importantly, his record collection with me. One of those records was Abbey Road by the Beatles which features the gorgeous song ‘Golden Slumber’; it heralds the wonderful gifts awaiting you throughout this book and beyond:

‘Golden slumbers fill your eyes, Smiles await you when you rise …’

Dermot Whelan, 2024

INTRODUCTION

I have slept with a lot of people from all over the world. I have slept with people’s husbands, wives, partners, mothers, fathers and even their sisters and brothers. What is most absurd is that I have been given full permission and been invited into their beds. I’ve slept with people in Australia and America and never experienced any jet lag. To add to this, my husband is not in the least perturbed – in fact, he encourages me to sleep with more people and says he can see the benefit!

Thankfully, the reality is that I am not a nymphomaniac. I am happily monogamous; however, I am a regular bed companion for thousands of people as they drift to sleep – through my hypnotherapy audios.

When I began my career as a clinical hypnotherapist over twelve years ago, I wanted to help as many people as I could. Early on, I began to specialise in anxiety, low mood, burnout and self-esteem issues. I was drawn to these areas because I keenly understand the impact these debilitating states have not only on your sleep but also on your relationships and your sense of self. As I continued to practise and further my training in mindfulness, positive psychology and lifestyle medicine, it became apparent that I had a gift for helping people to get to sleep – and stay asleep. Clients who followed my online courses and read my first two books, The Positive Habit and The Self-Love Habit, reported their gratitude for finally getting a good solid night’s sleep from listening to my hypnotherapy audios; it is no coincidence that the word ‘hypno’ in Greek means sleep. But I hadn’t set out with this direct intention. I wanted (and still want) to help my clients to feel calmer and more positive. As my clients’ sleep improved, their levels of stress and anxiety naturally decreased. As they became more mindfully compassionate to themselves and others they began to sleep more deeply. The relationship between sleep and positive mental well-being is reciprocal; each needs the other to thrive.

It became more and more evident that this transition came not by actively trying to help people to sleep but rather by focusing on helping them to feel calmer and more present, so that they were able to fall asleep and stay asleep. I had, unbeknownst to myself, created a successful formula for sleep. I am clear now on what this formula is and why it works, and now it is time to share it with you. As you will discover, this is as much a book about mindfulness and self-compassion as it is about sleep. This is a book that had to be written.

WEEK ONE

YOUR DECISION TO SLEEP WELL

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out … to keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

GEORGE ELIOT

THE SLEEP WELLAUDIOS

All audios are available to download on www.thepositivehabit.com with the password ISLEEPWELL.

Please listen to the short audio track ‘Instructions’. It will provide you with an overview of how to listen to your hypnotherapy audios every day.

Tonight, please start listening to ‘Week One: Habit One’ of the Sleep Well audios. Please listen to this audio for a minimum of seven nights. Please do not skip ahead to Week Two until you have listened for a full seven days.

Please also begin to listen to your morning meditation and your rest ritual tracks each day.

Measure Your Sleep

BEFORE YOU BEGIN Week One of the Sleep Well Programme, please take a moment to rate your sleep. On a scale of 0 to 10, how well have you slept in the last week? (0 is ‘terribly’ and 10 is ‘very well’.) Please use the image on the opposite page to mark where you feel you are on this scale.

One Year from Today

I WOULD LIKE you to imagine yourself one year from now. You catch sight of yourself in a mirror, and every cell in your being lights up. You are glowing, you are full of life and vitality. You feel strong and powerful, you know that you can cope with anything that comes your way. Your eyes sparkle with health, and your entire presence exudes vibrancy. You are smiling at yourself like a person in the first flush of love. You feel present, patient and peaceful. You are brimming with vitality. Your positive energy is contagious, and people are drawn to you. You uplift others and manage to see the positive no matter what challenges you are facing. You are calmer with the people you love. You have more clarity and confidence in your work. You have an abundant supply of love and energy to share. You look years younger and everyone wants to know your secret. One day, a good friend implores you to tell them where your fresh beam of light is coming from, and you succumb with a quiet smile. You want to share it so they can feel as good as you do.

You say, ‘I will tell you, on two conditions.’

They hang on your every word. Whatever it is, they want to know. ‘Anything,’ they say. ‘I promise.’

‘First of all, you must not doubt me.’

They nod.

‘And, second, as soon as you begin to feel as good as I do, don’t keep it a secret. Tell everyone you know.’

They nod their heads expectantly.

‘I am in a new relationship.’

They never saw this coming. ‘With who?’ they ask. ‘Do I know them?’

‘You do!’

This is becoming more intriguing. ‘What is their name?’ they ask.

‘Sleep,’ you reply. They seem baffled and even slightly deflated; they had been hoping for something more solid, or even a steamy romance.

It may seem odd to think that you are in a relationship with sleep, but you are. Your relationship with sleep determines all other relationships in your life.

Roles, Responsibilities and Your Relationship with Sleep

THIS BOOK WILL help you, even if you already consider yourself a ‘good sleeper’ or a ‘not bad sleeper’. Wait and see the gold that lies ahead when your sleep has been optimised to its full potential. Whatever your current relationship with sleep is like, I’m honoured you are here, and I value your time. You have many other relationships in your life, and it is hard to find the time to give sleep the attention it demands.

Imagine life is a play and you are an actor. How many roles do you have? Each of the relationships in your life is a role you play, and each one requires you to be fully awake, not asleep. You need the energy from sleep to fulfil these roles. Perhaps you are a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, a romantic partner, a business partner, a colleague, a boss, an employee, a friend, a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a niece, a nephew, a cousin, a neighbour, a board member, a community member, a leader, a follower.

Life, however, is not a piece of theatre, even though Shakespeare famously wrote, ‘All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.’ He meant, I believe, that life is transitory, which is true. But you are not provided with a rehearsal period, nor did you audition for many of the roles you have. Shakespeare went on to say, ‘and one man in his time plays many parts’. With this I concur wholeheartedly. Some of these roles you were assigned and others you chose.

Often these roles in the rich tapestry that we call life are nurturing. For example, being a parent or a loving partner is often a joyful experience. However, some of these roles are exhausting and without boundaries. Relationships by their very nature incur responsibilities. But frequently, it is not the nature but the number of roles you are required to play that disrupts the elixir of health – your sleep. In addition, it is often not the roles themselves but the inability to switch off from them that causes you to toss and turn at night. When the lights go out, you are no longer able to distract yourself with busyness. Your underlying anxieties and worries now have your full attention. Concerns about your boss or your family keep you in an unfortunate state of high alert. Each stressful thought is both a threat and a barrier to sleep.

There are many facets to each role. Consider the challenges of maintaining romance while running a house and parenting with a partner. You must change from one role to another within seconds. You are negotiating a work deadline while also trying to organise swimming classes for your child or a hospital appointment for a parent. This transition between roles happens in the blink of an eye and, in the modern era, the touch of a screen.

Dr Matthew Walker, the internationally acclaimed sleep scientist and author of the worldwide bestseller Why We Sleep, says, ‘Human beings are the only species that deliberately deprive themselves of sleep for no apparent gain. Many people walk through their lives in an underslept state, not realising it.’ Often you are not aware of the cognitive and emotional load you are carrying; that is, until you go to bed and your sleep is disrupted. Your mind remains active but your body is exhausted. You are still running through the list of chores for the next day. You are wired but tired.

I am here to help you transform your sleep and, in doing so, transform your life. A well-slept life is a well-lived one.

There is no other relationship in your life that is as important as this one. No other will give you as much and expect as little. Sleep will boost your physical and mental health, help you live longer, laugh more, dampen your fears and elevate your mood. Your relationship with sleep is in direct correlation to the relationship you have with yourself. Certainties in life are few, but rest assured, you are the person with whom you will continue to wake up each morning and go to sleep each night. You are the only person who can improve this relationship. And as in any healthy relationship, trust and relinquishing the need to control are paramount for you to flourish.

Prepare to be in awe of your renewed energy and enthusiasm for life as you fall in love with sleep.

Sleep will soon become a welcome sanctuary, a place of peace to rest in each night. As you drift off every night into a subconscious tranquil bliss, your body and mind will slowly surrender to a profound relaxation that fuels your physical, mental and emotional well-being. The process of sleep allows your muscles to soften, physical and mental tension to dissipate, your heart rate to slow and your breathing to deepen. Sleep is nature’s most soothing gift, and your ability to receive it is the greatest expression of self-love.

But you are likely already aware that consistent quality sleep is the foundation for your entire well-being. It’s why you are reading this book. However, somewhere along the way, your relationship with sleep has become frustrated and jaded. The joy is gone. You could be feeling desperate and picked this book up as a final attempt to ‘fix your sleep’. Or perhaps you’ve given up battling and moved into a state of acceptance without any hope of reconciliation. It has been like this for years, so it is unlikely to change now. You are resigned to the belief that bad sleep is just part of your DNA. Sleep is elusive, unreliable and unpredictable, and yet as much as you wish you could walk away, you know that you are totally dependent. You can’t leave because you need it, so you stay, replacing trust with resignation. You may try to soothe it with medication or alcohol, but nothing seems to make it happy. You’re reading this book not out of love, but necessity, which is, after all, the mother of all invention.

When you sleep well, you will release anxiety and feel powerful. The opposite of a vicious circle commences. Let’s call it a circle of joy. A core part of my work is to help people to let go of deep-rooted negative thoughts and beliefs that they unconsciously hold about themselves. When you begin to see yourself and the world in a more positive light, you are better able to let go of attempting to control circumstances that are beyond your control.

To go to sleep is to surrender, and to do this on a biological level, your nervous system needs to feel safe.

Do you have a relationship in your life whose ‘breath of kindness’ soothes your deepest fears? A person who makes you feel safe? Many people seek a feeling of security in other people. It is a mistake to look for this feeling outside yourself. The security you are seeking from other people can only be found within. Once you experience this, everything shifts, including your sleep. Feeling safe is the prerequisite to letting go, and it is fundamental to consistently restorative sleep. Your authentic and most powerful self can only be unveiled to you when your sleep is reliably deep and peaceful.

Neuroscientist, Stanford professor and internationally acclaimed podcast host of The Huberman Lab Andrew Huberman says, ‘What is not often discussed is how great life is, how much more focused, energetic and how much more positive our mood gets when we are sleeping for the appropriate amount of time at the appropriate depth and when we are doing that regularly. Everything in life gets better when we are sleeping well.’

The Seven Main Benefits of Effective Sleep

THERE ARE SO many benefits of effective sleep, and I have listed the main ones below. Before you read them, please close your eyes for a moment, breathe deeply and then bring the snapshot of your well-slept self into this moment.

Open your eyes and imagine feeling these benefits, starting now.

RESTORATION

Your body regenerates cells, tissues and organs as you sleep, providing energy for the next day. You will heal and recover faster from any injuries or illnesses. For example, if you bruise or cut yourself, your skin will heal faster.

MEMORY CONSOLIDATION

Your ability to recall facts and short- and long-term memories is improved. Your ability to focus and communicate your ideas has also increased. You will be able to recall facts and memories and speak with more confidence. For example, you will contribute more effectively in meetings.

LEARNING

Your cognitive function improves and, as a result, you feel more confident. You can solve problems more easily and effectively. What once took you an hour to complete is now done in half that time. You will excel in your studies or at work. For example, you will achieve higher results with less effort.

EMOTIONAL REGULATION

With optimal REM sleep, you feel calmer and more in control. You have transformed chronic stress into positive stress that motivates you to reach your full potential. You respond to situations rather than react to them, and as a result, your relationships are happier. You are emotionally intelligent and resilient. For example, a relationship you find challenging becomes more manageable and fun.

IMMUNE FUNCTION

You get ill less often, as sleep promotes the production of cytokines and immune cells to fight infections and viruses. You have fewer days off and more energy, and you bounce back quickly if you do get ill.

PHYSICAL PERFORMANCE

You have increased fitness levels as sleep improves reaction time, coordination and endurance. You are physically stronger; you can carry heavy bags and walk or run upstairs more easily. You have more physical stamina for day-to-day chores like housework, bending and lifting things.

INCREASED LONGEVITY

You are at a lower risk of developing a life-threatening disease. Sleep reduces inflammation in your body – inflammation is a key contributor to the ageing process. You will live long enough in good health to play with the younger generations in your family and circle of friends.

While researching this book, I read countless books and articles on the most up-to-date sleep science. It is startling how much science has uncovered in the past 20 years about why we sleep. But however educational this science is, it is not always conducive to helping people who suffer from somnophobia, also known as sleep anxiety. This is when the build-up of pressure before going to bed intensifies. A person feels anxious because they can’t sleep, and their anxiety prevents them from falling asleep. Too much knowledge can, ironically, create dread around sleep rather than encouraging it. If your system is overstimulated, it simply can’t surrender to sleep.

In the early stages of this research, I found myself unintentionally falling victim to this information. I became affected by the volume of sleep science and stressed that should I miss an hour’s sleep or break my routine, I’d die early and most certainly with dementia! It was then I knew I had to take a fresh approach based on my success to date in helping people to sleep. This is not another sleep book recounting the negative effects of poor sleep on your brain and body. I am offering you a unique and proven path to wake up to who you are so that you can sleep well night after night.

Rest assured I will provide you with solid sleep science. I have carefully analysed the data to provide you with the ingredients of what makes a person a good sleeper rather than what happens when you don’t sleep well. I have unearthed how integral your thoughts and expectations are to your ability to sleep. All will be revealed, and you won’t look back.

You may know a person who says, ‘I have always been a good sleeper, touch wood.’ As if sleep is not a gift given to all of us.1 When you encounter this ‘good sleeper’, you may feel an unwelcome spark of envy and a low rise of anxiety in your tummy, as this blessed person describes how they get to sleep quickly and stay asleep all night. Or perhaps you remain apathetic. You have a stale acceptance of your fate and believe that sleeping well is something for other people, not you.

Sleep is not a competition and even for those ‘good sleepers’ out there, the quality of their sleep can always be tweaked and improved upon. It is, as Andrew Huberman points out, the appropriate amount and depth of sleep that elevates a good sleeper into a great one.

You will discover and experience how to change your life while you sleep by reprogramming your subconscious with positive and peaceful suggestions. Night after night and day after day, you will bask in the glory of a well-slept life. If life is a play, then I’m your director, but the only role you have is to relax. Take my faithful hand and let me guide you to sleep each night. Have faith in my kindness, experience and expertise to open the door to sleep, to rekindle trust in yourself.

A Story of Transformation: Fionnuala

ON A COLD, bright January day in 2021, I met Fionnuala for the first time. She is a successful professional vocalist and violinist who is a core member of the Celtic-Nordic group Secret Garden, which won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1995. The country was in another lockdown, so rather than meet in my office, we went for a walk in a local park. Fionnuala told me about the challenges in her life, as is common in a first consultation.

As we walked, Fionnuala also informed me how badly she struggled with sleep, which was why she had contacted me. She was clearly exhausted and was suffering from ‘sleep anxiety’. Her sleep was very broken, and she had no idea of how many hours a night she was getting, apart from that it was very few. Fionnuala recalled her sleep first becoming disturbed around the age of thirty. She was now in her late fifties. Almost two decades of suffering.

Fionnuala’s sleep issues first began in an anxious period of her life and had escalated since then. She was literally afraid of sleep. Bedtime loomed ahead of her each day as a source of dread. She had no faith in her ability to sleep. I listened deeply, and when I spoke, I shared my insight that Fionnuala’s sleep issues went far beyond the confines of her bedroom and that her fear of sleep was also a fear of life. I explained that her initial anxiety had found a home in sleep and that for her to sleep again, we needed to remove the urgency from the situation. When you desperately want something, it creates stress, and cortisol rushes through your veins, which makes sleep impossible.

As I spoke, I saw that familiar look in Fionnuala’s eyes. I’ve seen it in many clients over the years. This look is subtle; it is a mix of scepticism, impatience, hope and a deep-down inner knowing that what I say could be true. Often, it’s not what they want to hear. Fionnuala, a very intelligent person, understood me on an intellectual level, but she didn’t truly believe that if we focused on alleviating her anxiety she would sleep better. When a person is suffering, they just want a solution – and fast. Perhaps you are the same. This is understandable, but this wanting is at the root of what perpetuates the problem.

Your mind is not a switch that you turn on or off. It is a delicate system that dims slowly. Your mind requires regular intervals of rest and relaxation during the day and time at night to slowly glide from wakefulness into sleep.

Fionnuala very kindly agreed to share her story to help you. She will explain in her own words what brought her to my door (or in this case the park) that day. Her story is not perfect, it might not even be ideal, but it does show what is possible.

I got used to the habit of being a bad sleeper. Perhaps it had accumulated over the years. When I was a child, I was told I was the laziest of the five children in my family. People would say it is the opposite now. From a very young age I have had very poor circulation and really felt the cold. My parents had to regularly wake me up during the night if my temperature was too low and try and get my circulation going again. Even with a warm house, my body temperature used to dip very low. Maybe these interruptions could have been the start of my disrupted sleep, as the rest of my family don’t have these issues.

Adult life, the everydayness of working, the high stress of the job I do, and juggling too many things made sleep difficult. I used to have very bad nightmares and night terrors. My husband would regularly have to wake me during the night if I began crying in my sleep. I am still not sure why I routinely had bad nightmares and terrors. Maybe it was some unprocessed trauma, as I am a pretty happy and contented person and luckily in a great relationship. But maybe during all the years of my career I have absorbed a lot of stress and it came out in my sleep. Some nights I would feel paralysed and couldn’t move my arms or legs. It was terrifying to seem to be awake but not be able to move.

A lot of my recurring nightmares came before a tour. It was probably the subliminal worry of going back on stage and that whole thing of ‘Am I good enough?’ Sometimes the dreams are about my Leaving Cert, and I’m so many years away from my Leaving Cert now, but in the dream I realise the maths exam is next week and I haven’t done a thing. Another one is that I am back in the orchestra (which, again, is so far back in my career) and I can’t make it to the stage. We always had to wear all black and I dream that I can’t find a piece of clothing, or my violin has gone missing. I never make it to the stage, as I always wake up.

In my thirties I stepped up and out in my career. I left the concert orchestra, I won the Eurovision, I started a new group – Secret Garden – and the pressure was huge when I stepped out of my comfort zone and left a permanent, pensionable job behind.

I was on the road all the time in my mid-thirties, I had a flourishing career, and it was fantastic. But I also had the pressures of being a woman, with a biological clock that was ticking. I started questioning myself and knew with all the traveling the opportunity to settle down and have children was disappearing; that, along with the incredible jet lag from constant flying through many time zones, probably played big time into numerous sleepless nights. Those sleepless nights were a total waste of time, I can see that now. However, it is far better to follow your dreams than to back into a corner out of fear. My sleep could have been better, but I would not have been fully living. I don’t regret anything I have done, and yes, it would have been easier with better sleep.

But I pushed myself. I am working with people who do that all the time. I was surrounded by people [who didn’t sleep]. I remember my partner in Secret Garden – Rolf Lovland – and me working in LA in Hans Zimmer’s studio, which was a great experience. Hans was working on a soundtrack for the Last Samurai movie score. He had a big sign in his studio that said, ‘Sleep is for wimps.’ That was the motto – it’s the result that matters, it has to be done.

I remember doing three days and nights without sleep to get a production ready. Work came before sleep. We have more awareness of how to deal with things now, there are more tools. If you are having anxious moments, there are ways of dealing with it. I have changed a lot, but I always need to keep an eye on it.

I am lucky it didn’t show on my face. I put on make-up and my game face and off I went. I also made up for it with naps. Now, I go to bed early and I love getting up early, I’ve always been a morning person, but because of my career, I was forced to become a night one. I functioned without great sleep, and some part of me adapted. But it became a serious issue before a performance, and that is where self-medication began to creep in. I had tried everything, different beds, mattresses, linen, darkness, no TV, no phone, and none of that made any difference.

I tried all the good sleep habits, but nothing really changed until I met Fiona. When I met Fiona, I had just been through breast cancer, and I didn’t realise how disruptive it was. I was able to deal with the process and the treatment, but my sleep was so bad. It was the hangover from cancer. In my case, I had been on HRT, and I thought it was fabulous, but I had to abruptly stop taking it once I was diagnosed. When I started the perimenopause–menopause journey, nobody was talking about it. It’s part of being a woman in mid-life that you have a sleep issue as we are aware our declining hormones don’t do us any favours with sleep and that breeds anxiety, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

I had started to take sleeping pills and Xanax; I had never done that before. Cancer anxiety had shaken me so badly, even though I kept a very good front up. It shook me to the core. I felt like I needed the drugs, but I knew that this was not where I wanted to be long-term. It’s not who I am. I am so aware of health in the big picture, that this was not the road I wanted to stay on. I didn’t want to be relying on them every night. You start them and it is very hard to stop them.

During the cancer treatment, I would lie down at night and all the feelings I hadn’t dealt with in the day would wash over me. The anxiety was so painful, and it seemed to come from nowhere. I was lying in my bed, I was responding well to the treatments, I have a lovely home, I have my husband and our dog. There was nothing threatening me and I felt so grateful for all I had, yet my whole system went into fright mode.

When I met Fiona, I was desperate. I thought, ‘Can she fix me? And if so, how quickly?’ Through the hypnotherapy audios, I was able to deal with the emotions I wasn’t suppressing any more with medicine. Hypnotherapy is the most useful tool that I have ever come across. It transformed me. I love that hypnosis works so fast and that it works subliminally. I am not a good meditator; I do mindfulness every day but find it hard to quieten the monkey brain. What I love about Fiona’s hypnotherapy audios is the fact that I just put them on, and it doesn’t matter if I zone in or out, they are working. That really appealed to me. They became my new routine. I still use them. They took away the fear of sleeping.

Now all I need is my phone. I turn on the audio tracks, I turn off the lights, and I am gone. If I am still awake at the end, it doesn’t matter. If I fall asleep during it, it doesn’t matter. If I don’t fall asleep, it is OK. I am not fighting sleep. I’m not afraid of sleep any more.

People who are afraid of it, are fighting it, they are looking at the clock in the middle of the night and thinking, ‘Oh Jesus. It’s four o’clock, help!’ I used to always be terrified of four o’clock in the morning because I heard so many people died at that time. My mom died at 4.07 a.m. I was with her, and this is sort of funny, I was looking at the clock, and I said, ‘Mum, please do not go at 4 a.m., you know how I feel about 4 a.m.,’ and then she went at seven minutes past, and I thought, ‘You must be joking!’ Now, if I am awake at that time of night, I just talk to her. I say, ‘You are having the last laugh at me.’ But it has totally changed how I view that time in the morning. I reframed it. I couldn’t have done that without the hypnosis.

I am not using up energy during the night to fight an issue that is designed to help me relax and recover, that battle is gone, and I now have more energy during the day. Things like air travel had become such a pain; if there was a delay or people in the queue were taking forever, in the past those things got to me, and it was exhausting. You are living an exhausting life when you don’t have to be.

I just love that the subliminal messages of the audio are feeding the subconscious. It’s like doing something at speed. With psychotherapy, you could spend so long trying to get to the same point, whereas with hypnosis it is like 80 per cent quicker, and that really appeals to me. I know that the shift happens quickly but to sustain it I have had to do more work with Fiona, and she has helped me to understand why I react the way I do and not to be afraid of the everydayness of living. I definitely feel I am different from who I was two years ago. I am less anxious and less stressed.

Everything in my life is slightly easier. For instance, I am recording at the moment; in the past I would have rehearsed and rehearsed for hours before I would record even one note. Now, I am much more relaxed and fluid, I am mentally stronger, which also gives a sense of freedom, and the process of recording, which I love, seems to be easier.

The way I play the fiddle has changed. You can’t be tense when you play; you have to let everything relax, to let everything flow. If you push or try too hard, you are going to change the sound. I feel I am now producing a stronger and better sound, which is fantastic after such a long career. Sleep is the same. You just have to allow it.

Fionnuala opened her door to sleep, and throughout this eight-week programme you are learning to do the same. You are the host; sleep will come back every night when it feels that your home is a place of peace, a refuge to rest from the external world. The removal of roles, expectations and pressure creates a loving space to rest in.

One of the most important things is to remove the obstacles at your door, so sleep has a clear entrance. One of the main hurdles to sleep, regardless of any challenges you may have right now (perhaps a young baby, menopause or chronic pain), is an overactive mind. When you learn the art of slowing it down, you literally step out of your own way.

You allow nature to do what it does best – to heal you physically, mentally and emotionally.

The Law of Least Effort

THE LAW OF Least Effort is based in Eastern philosophy and is Law Number Four in Deepak Chopra’s book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. The principle of this law is that you flow through life in the same way as nature, with effortless ease. Grass does not try to grow, it grows. You don’t try to go to sleep, you sleep. I have indirectly been applying the Law of Least Effort to help people to get to sleep, and it has been transformative.

It is worth noting that the Law of Least Effort is not the law of no effort.

Sleep is a serious issue that you need to take lightly; in other words, you need to prioritise your sleep without making a fuss. You will learn to allow sleep to come to you by creating a welcoming physical, mental and emotional environment. Setting an intention sends a clear message to your subconscious that you expect and allow sleep to come to you. By gradually implementing the practical habits you will learn each week, you are illustrating the difference between least and no effort. The eight habits also reinforce the intention. Your words are not empty. Positive lifestyle changes require commitment. Now is the time to start afresh: no matter how tumultuous your relationship with sleep has been in the past, you create a blank slate – a new beginning.

The Sleep Survey

IN THE NEXT section, I will help you to set a clear intention of why you wish to change your relationship with sleep, and you will also commit to this process with me as your guide. I will clearly outline how to use the book, including listening to your night-time audios. You will then be ready to begin the programme, which acts as a lifelong companion that you can rely on night after night.

Let’s start with a practical review of your sleeping habits, including your lifestyle and sleeping environment, and then move on to the psychological and emotional level. You will retake these same surveys at the end of this eight-week programme.

Please note that there is no judgement of the answers you provide. Be honest with yourself – this is a private exercise, and we are not seeking perfection now or at any stage throughout this programme.

Answering these questions will give you an idea of what part of your lifestyle is impacting your sleep and how you can start to make changes that will allow sleep to come easily. Each change you make in your self-care routine is an act of self-love. When you love someone, you care for them.

Today

At the end of Week Eight

Your sleep habits

What time do you get up?

Do you feel groggy or refreshed when you rise?

Do you get outside into natural light within 30–60 minutes of rising if the sun has already risen?

Do you use an artificial light therapy lamp in winter when you rise before sunrise?

Do you meditate in the morning?

Do you ease yourself gently into the day?

How soon after waking do you check your phone?

How much light exposure do you get as the day goes on?

Do you get outside at sunset?

Do you have excessive sleepiness during the day?

Do you rest or relax during the day?

Do you take a nap?

Do you experience an afternoon slump?

Do you reach for sugar in the afternoon?

Do you reach for caffeine in the afternoon?

Are you on a screen in the 60 minutes before bed?

Do you have a bedtime routine to help you unwind, for example, meditation, journaling or reading?

Do you listen to hypnotherapy audios or guided sleep meditations to help get you to sleep?

What time do you go to bed?

How many hours are you in bed?

How many hours, on average, do you sleep?

On a ‘good’ night, how long does it take you to sleep?

On a ‘bad’ night, how long does it take you?

Do you wake up during the night?

If yes, how many times?

If yes, how long does it take you to go back to sleep?

Do you recall your dreams?

Do you have disturbing dreams/nightmares often?

Do you have a baby or young children who wake you up?

Are you caring for another person such as a parent during the night?

Are you perimenopausal or menopausal?

Do you have a chronic health condition?

Are you on medication that interferes with your sleep?

Have you any specific diagnosis of a genetic sleep disorder?

When was the last time you had a cold or virus?

Do you drink alcohol? If so, how much and how often?

Do you practise yoga or a mind/body exercise routine, such as tai chi, at least once a week?

Do you dim the lights in your home at least one hour before bed?

Do you enjoy time alone?

Do you laugh often?

Your Sleeping Environment

Do you sleep alone or with a partner?

Does your partner snore?

Do you snore?

Is your bed comfortable?

How old is your mattress?

Is your bedroom free of clutter?

Is the colour and design of your bedroom calming?

Is the house quiet when you go to bed and during the night?

Is your room temperature correct for sleep (15 to 19 degrees Celsius)?

Do you have a pet? If so, do they sleep in your room or disturb you during the night/early in the morning?

Do you watch TV/Netflix/scroll the internet in bed before sleep and/or at any other time?

Do you read before you sleep? If so, is the material you read calming?

Do you study or work in bed?

Do you smoke prior to bed or if you awaken during the night?

Do you snack before bed or if you awaken during the night?

Psychological and Emotional Component

Do you believe you are a good sleeper?

If not, how old were you when you first started to believe you were a bad one?

If someone asks you about your sleep, what do you say?

Do you talk about sleep a lot?

Do you worry about going to bed and not being able to sleep, or that you will wake early and not be able to get back to sleep?

Do you believe you are a light sleeper?

Do you ruminate on your day when you get to bed? For example, do you go over what you said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do?

Do you start to plan the next day and recall all the items on your to-do list that you haven’t done?

Do you worry about your future in general?

Do you worry about a loved one?

Do you worry about your health last thing at night?

Do you sometimes have anxiety that you can’t explain if you wake up in the middle of the night?

Do you feel any pain in your chest or heart area as you go to sleep or if you wake up?

Do you look forward to going to bed?

Do you feel safe as you go to sleep?

And finally, answer these.

Issues Impacting Sleep Quality

True

False

I have performed badly at work during the day because of sleepiness.

I am likely to fall asleep in front of the TV or if I am at the cinema or theatre.

I am likely to fall asleep if I am a passenger in a car at a time I wouldn’t normally feel tired.

Going to the toilet at night is a problem as I struggle to get back to sleep afterwards.

I am on medication that could be interfering with my sleep.

I am on a sleeping tablet and want to come off it.

How Present Are You?

IN WEEK THREE, I talk about the importance of waking up to life so that you can sleep fully, and later on in Week Six: Sleep Strength One – Presence, I ask you to explore your relationship with the present moment.

The mind, when left to its own devices, will stray to the past and to the future, as if this moment now is somehow inadequate, something to be endured until some future, happier moment. This ‘better’ moment, of course, never comes. As you sleep more deeply, you are in a position to see through this illusion and to feel more clearly the power of presence. In light of this, I would like you to complete one last questionnaire.

Please answer each question as honestly as you can. Don’t reflect for too long – just go with the first answer that comes to you.

In the past month have you:

Today

At the end of Week Eight

Yes

No

Yes

No

Found yourself ruminating on the past?

Found yourself worrying about the future?

Found your mind overanalysing what someone meant by a comment they made?