Song of Being E-Book

Mischa Hammarnejd

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 291

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

What am I, where do I come from, and where am I going? And what is really the point of it all? What is really true behind all the make-believe, conditioning, and the more than eight billion different opinions about what is true? It there a true reality that is the same for all of us on this planet Tellus, yes, in the whole universe? Surely, these are familiar questions. But how often have we not heard about spiritual experiences, awakening, overcoming the fear of death, lasting happiness and joy, heavenly peace and the like? And how often have we not started to read or listen to someone who claims to know it all about these things, and then just given up when we heard a lot of complex and inaccessible thought constructs, new age nonsense mixed with mystical directions and exercises, or sectarian drivel that excludes the ones outside? I have been through all this, and I even ended up in a sect-like context once, but I continued to search for something really true, stripped down, genuinely useful and practical in both festive, ordinary, and difficult times, something that could truly point to lasting and reliable truth about reality, myself, and all of us, to what we are and consist of, and that it would hold true in all cultures, ages, circumstances and states - which all constantly change. Am I asking for too much? My journey is not unique, and neither is who, or what I am. The journey can be made by anyone. It is so familiar, close, accessible, and right in front of all our noses - no, much closer, much more intimate than that. Surely, there are obstacles, but are we really interested in the obstacles? I am not. The book is about my journey to what I thought and was told would be impossible to find or attain. My searching has ended. Not because I found something that I was looking for, but because... and here, it became quiet for a long while. Until this book was made.

Leseprobe

Content

Birth

Litmus test

Outward?

Nothing

Gratitude

Fuzziness?

Masculine & feminine?

Last words?

Glossary

A short summary about Mischa can go here…

An unusually curious and truth-hungry boy grew up relatively unhindered and free, got wings in the new world of computers, made strong efforts to explore the inner essence of Christianity (which he did not see truth* and depth in until recently!), surfed happily* – enthusiastically applauded – on the new wave of digitizing the pre-press and printing industry, held fast to the path of knowledge that was so open, sought after, and enticing, and he came to what he believed was the beginning of a life of utmost satisfaction. But, alas, how he deceived himself! His life was – albeit lined with deep reflection and some arduous perseverance – built on the quagmire of change and subjectivity, like the house built on sand. Almost without warning, he was suddenly alone – but the journey that this book tells the story of, had already begun, and he had a feeling that something very vast and mystical* would be revealed before his eyes. That is what happened.

During ten solar revolutions, he has now bathed in understandings and experiences* that there is very little room for in the western and materialistically* dualistic* culture that he was brought up in. One of the completely unexpected fruits of these solar revolutions, is this little book. But he continues to enjoy the intimacy of Being and explores its infinite forms and expressions, without ambition or searching. Where the path leads to and what may come does not trouble him any longer, for now it has become true: Home is where the heart is, and he has never left it.

Disclaimer

As my native language is Swedish and not English, I ask the reader for tolerance and patience. Also, when writing from the experiences like I do, it often happens that it is very difficult or even impossible for me to use correct grammar, even in Swedish. The attentive reader will take note of this.

Preface

Mischa is a name given to a form, figure, person* who listens when that name is mentioned.

The person called Mischa is on one hand nothing special, is not special in any way. On the other hand, there is no other person like this one, so in that way, it is special, just like all other persons (recently eight billion) are special. That this person is special, is therefore not very special…

But… That which experiences what it is like to be this person called Mischa, through quite a few solar revolutions now, is more than and that which contains this person. It expresses itself through this person, among others, and right now it is expressing itself through what is written in this book. In this context, I want to mention a few things:

This book makes no claims of “the Truth” that I would possess and transmit to the reader. But, that I express something with this text, and that this text is understood in the reader, are experiences that are true. When what is expressed is understood in the reader, we meet – something in me merges with something in the reader, and this “something” is the same, identical in the experience. When this experience happens, we know, see, and feel it – because it is experienced! Enough said. All else would be to complicate what is true, and be completely unnecessary, because we already see, feel, and know that it is true.

There is no direct purpose with this book. I only feel that something wants to be expressed. What is expressed is ultimately – or rather intimately – about what it is like to be the person Mischa, above all generally, and to some degree specifically. I wish that the reader remembers this throughout the reading – what it is like to be, to exist.

Often, the expressions may sound as though I am upset about something, but that is not the case. It may sound that way because, in my particular mind*, there is something old and conditioned, the viewing things as black and white, a bit categorically. It has been my person’s way to relate to various questions in life, due to many different things – but I hope that this does not cloud the reader’s view.

I am not trying to write in a way that appeals to the intellect, rather on the contrary, in order to reach what is before or hither, “on this side” of the intellect of the reader – just as the experiences that are described take place before or hither, on this side of my own intellect. This is why the writing doesn’t follow any predetermined framework or rules, neither academic nor literary. But the writing still happens in a kind of pulse or rhythm that may look poetic, although that has not been my intent. The writing is done in a way that corresponds to how it felt when writing it, often a bit like breathing, one line per breath. Perhaps it benefits the reading and understanding if the texts are read in a similar fashion.

There is a fundamental principle behind every piece; that it truly comes from the direct experience of what the text is about. In practice, when I am experiencing something – often very strongly and several times – I want to “document” the experience in some way, and thus double-check myself, to see if the experience is so clear that I can give it expression, as a kind of validation of its – and my – authenticity.

Okey, there is another principle: Experience is a test of reality, since it is true, real* (and I don’t mean

perception

* – see the glossary for how experience and perception are often confused!) The experience is true. What is impossible to experience is therefore untrue, false. For example, we cannot experience a two-dimensional round square, which therefore is both experientially and conceptually* untrue, false. If you are inclined to dig deeper into what is called

empiricism

, you can. But I leave the scientific aside, because we already know that we experience, and we don’t need any science or knowledge to neither prove nor validate what we already know. It is precisely this knowing, this seeing – before and on this side of the intellect – that I want to give expression to in this book.

At the same time, I want to somehow de-mystify spirituality. There are many ways to view and describe what some call spirituality, but I see no reason to subscribe to any of them. It is possible for every human being to see, know, and feel what he really is, innermost, before all labels and titles are applied to the experience. It is from this place that these texts are born.

If I quote somebody else’s text, the source is given. Texts without a source are my own.

In the glossary in the back of the book, there are words that, when used for the first time, are marked with an asterisk.

The structure of this book

While collating the texts for this book, texts written “along the way” on my journey, I notice a sort of structure. This structure becomes the chapters where the texts can land.

The experiences that occur before and “on this side”of all texts, can be divided into different “themes,” and the texts are sorted this way. Each chapter or theme is roughly in chronological order. For example, the exploration of the masculine & feminine happened fairly late on my journey. Within each chapter, the texts are also roughly in chronological order. This order is not important, they are still what they are and can stand on their own, or in a context.

I suspect that it seems so difficult for me to express in language, the understanding of this non-dual* reality, because language has been shaped for so long in a culture where this understanding was rare.

What is this book about?

I paint the seeing.

I paint with words.

Don’t see my words.

Be the seeing.

The seeing on this side of the paper.

This side of our eyeballs that focus on the text.

This side of the understanding of the words.

This side of, this side of, this side of…

where there is only experience,

the experience of what the words point to.

As little as the artist who paints a painting intends for the observer to see the paint and how the brushstrokes are made, do I intend for you to see my words.

The artist intends for the observer to see the motif in the same way that the he saw it when he painted it. The artist intends for the observer to see in the same way that the artist saw, and therefore to be the artist’s seeing.

In the same way, I intend for you to see what the words point to, namely the experience of being that which experiences, that you can see what my words describe, and therefore be the same seeing that I am.

When you read these words about what it is that experiences, you most likely feel that you are that which experiences, in the same way I do when I write these words, when I write them from the experience of being that which experiences.

Maybe you feel the taste of, fragrance of,

feel the vibrations of something

that you cannot describe with words,

namely that you are that which experiences.

Surely it has a taste, a fragrance,

a vibration that you recognize.

I suggest that you do recognize,

because you, too, are that which experiences.

You feel that you are what experiences when you read these words,

just as I feel that I am what experiences when I write these words.

From this, it is possible to see that you and I are the same,

that you and I are that which experiences.

What is experienced does not change what we are.

Nothing can change what we are.

Not our history, not what we are experiencing now,

not what we are going to experience.

What we are, is both the beginning and the end,

alpha and omega.

What we are, therefore has neither beginning nor end,

but what we are, is both the beginning and end of everything.

❦

Why I write – or not

I don’t have any world view or explanatory model for reality. If I say or write something, it has nothing to do with reality. If you are of the opinion that this is why I am writing, it is in you, and I cannot be held accountable for it.

I simply am, and I experience. What I experience or not does not affect what I am. For some reason that I don’t understand, I am reporting from experience. And I do not succeed at all.

There is always something in the way. The wrong word, the intellect interferes, misunderstandings due to culture, age, background, gender… I have never really believed that I would ever succeed.

But still, it flows out of me, trying to describe or report from what is irrefutably True. This is simultaneously liberating, because I really don’t have anything else to write. Then I’d rather be completely silent. And then, lo and behold:

Truth speaks.

CHAPTER 1

Birth

The beginning of this journey is a birth that is not physical. Often and jokingly, Kierkegaard’s words are cited: Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards – but it was surely not written as a joke, because this is actually how I feel nowadays. A decennium ago, something began to dawn on me, and a process began, a process I could call a birth, in the sense that only now did I realize what my earthly life and my person really always was and is. Again, this is most likely nothing unique, many feel this way, in what is called the autumn years. What I came to see was so revolutionary, though, that when I look at it in the rearview mirror, I call it a kind of birth.

The baby Mischa was taught that he was something other than his parents and siblings, something other than the world, and perhaps this was absolutely necessary – but now, I have the favor to discover that which was the baby and the writing of this, and that which is reading this, and the whole world! That I am that which experiences everything – and everything that is experienced!

Drama is the beginning…

Summer 2011. On a small village party, I end up sitting across a very experienced theatre person from Åland, who tells me about her time in the world of theatre, both as director and actor. After listening to her a good while, I comment her story.

–“I would never be able to play a character in a play – I have never been able to be anything else than myself.”

–“Ha!” she replies quickly, –“If you were to play a character in a play, you would see and bring out things in yourself that you don’t even know that you have!”

I take it as a challenge, in all secrecy. And begin contemplating… One year later, I join a small beginner’s theatre group in the ancient youth house, and in the summer of 2013, I have a role in a play for the first time in my life – as Smirnov in Anton Tjechov’s play The Bear.

Before I enter the stage, I stand behind the backdrop, eagerly waiting for my cue. My heart is racing, blood pressure rising, and it feels both wonderful and scary. I figure that the worst that can happen is that I faint, and that the play has to be postponed. But, in the moment that I take one step out from the backdrop and meet the eyes of the audience, it feels as though I am Smirnov – and I do and say what he would do and say in the context of what is happening in the script, on stage. All this happens so naturally and without thinking about my own person or the palpitations. The permissive openness for and receptivity to what is played out feels like a large vacuum of love that sucks it all in from the stage – not a passive emptiness, on the contrary, an active receptivity of an infinite “energy field”. And in this field, I feel a freedom that I have never felt before, to just be what I am – and right now, I am Smirnov. Of course, these words are written after the fact, so I don’t think like this when I play the part, I just flow with what is happening, and in this flow, the only thing that can happen happens, given the conditions of the played character – what the other characters say and do, the clothes I wear, the props, everything in Smirnov’s world right now – and the result is what we can call the play The Bear. But when it happens, it is surely Now!

The Bear is the beginning of a few years in the world of theatre for me, through four larger productions and several smaller ones that I put up myself. Together with my daughter and a friend, both having theatre experience, we then try to put up a play that we wrote ourselves, a fairly large production, but the financing doesn’t work out, so it doesn’t happen. But we do get a taste of making videos when we make a few short promotional trailers for our play. Then we buy some more film equipment and make four other shorts together with a few other friends.

Well, drama… To play a character. What happened to me in the play The Bear still happens when I act. When it comes to the acting itself, there is not a big difference between having a live audience or a camera in front of me. In the part, I am it, and what I do and say in the part is as natural as when I go shopping in the store or talk to people at work.

I seem to take this playing a part “one step further” than what I have heard of before. If you were to play a character in a play, you would see and bring out things in yourself that you don’t even know that you have! said the woman at the table. Now I have experienced what it is like to play many different parts, with many different attributes, and also how it is received in an audience. But when I go shopping in the store or talk to people at work, is that not also a part, a role? Everything I do and say in my everyday role, is that not also practiced, learned, and conditioned by everything that has been and is my context, what the others say and do, the clothes I wear, and how all that dictates, directs me to do what I do and say in my everyday role? What is it that tells me, directs me to do what I do and say in my everyday role? And does it have to be in a certain way, in the usual way, “like I have always done it before”?

This is how I contemplate. From an early age, I am used to questioning conditioned ways to think and act, and now I question things in my own life, things that are learned and conditioned, and what my role actually is, and what it could look like if I really understood that.

Just like the actor does not change, is neither aggrandised nor diminished, neither wins nor loses anything of himself when he plays a certain role, it soon becomes obvious to me that even when my everyday role changes, what I really am does not change.

❦

The imagination is not a state: it is the human existence* itself.

William Blake (1757–1827)

Where is this world?

Toward the end of 2013, it becomes clear that my partner and I have been on quite different paths since we first met, even though I had imagined it to be the same path.

This comes as a minor shock to me, and it starts a period of introspection, where nights and mornings are filled with reading books and on the internet while the others are sleeping.

Music means a lot to me. When I listen toThe Dream Withinfrom the movieFinal Fantasy – The Spirits Within, tears are flowing and it feels as though the sorrow of the whole world pours over me. I write the following, just to get it out of me.

The world where we love each other

where we have open hearts

open for each other and each others’ needs

Why don’t we just begin believing

and let our faith lead

Let go

be free

dare to be free

None of us want to see anyone suffer

or be without love

What separates us from each other?

Can we not see what that is, together

and decide together

that we have had it

so that we leave everything that separates us

and run toward everything that unites us

You know

they are near you

they who need you

what you can give

run, hurry there

you will be welcomed, naturally

don’t be afraid

Run to your neighbor, your beloved, your child

hurry to each other

for we are surely the same

surely we are the same

Where is the world

where we can live

in harmony and delight?

Film fascinated me since childhood. During my introspection at the end of 2013, I watch the movieTotal Recall(2012), in which Matthias (Bill Nighy) questions Hauser (Colin Farrell), and Matthias says something that really takes a hold on me. It begins my own search for what I really am.

Hauser: I want to remember.

Matthias: Why?

Houser: So I can be myself, be who I was.

Matthias: It is each man’s quest to find out who he truly is, but the answer to that

lies in the present, not in the past. As it is for all of us.

Houser: But the past tells us who we’ve become.

Matthias: The past is a construct of the mind. It blinds us. It fools us into believing it.

But the heart wants to live in the present. Look there. You’ll find your answer.

Something very unusual and strange happens to me soon after, when I am in a line, ordering pizza, with a couple of friends. A few people who I don’t know come into the place, and one of them walks right up to me with determined steps, stops right in front of me, looks me straight into my eyes and says:

Can you remember what you were, before the world told you what you should be?

He then goes back to his friends, without saying anything else, and without looking at me again. My friends have seen what happened, and they are just as surprised as I am.

I have not met him, neither before nor after what happened, but later I am told about who he is, so it was not an angel or imaginary person.

What he asked me stayed with me for a long time, and one day, much later, I am able to look it up on the internet, and it turns out it is a quote from something that Charles Bukowski allegedly said or wrote. I don’t know any more about Charles, but this quote really landed well in me, regardless of how or why it was said by the unknown friend in this way.

It starts to dawn on me that “the past is a

construct,” and if I look there, I will not

find out what I am, because I am what I

am now, not then. And that which experiences both my memories and the now,

is what I am. Now.

As though in a meditative*state, completely focused on the experience of being, I

sit for a few years, for long periods,

many hours, with many texts from authors, lecturers, poets, philosophers*, and

mystics*– all the while everyday life

flows by in its usual pace.

Researchers and scientists like Susan

Blackmore, Albert Einstein, Donald

Hoffman, Bernardo Kastrup, Peter

Russell, Rupert Sheldrake, and several

others pass by on my computer screen, as

well as philosophers and mystics like

Adyashanti, Erik Baret, Werner Erhard,

Jeff Foster, Dorothy Hunt, Jac O’Keeffe,

Francis Lucille, Rupert Spira, Allan Watts,

Ken Wilber, and many more.

When the recent philosophers point to

old texts by Krishnamurti, Omar

Khayyám, Nisargadatta, Ramana

Maharshi, Rumi, Tagore, and others, I

read them with great surprise: What

thousands of years old texts, many

philosophers, and scientists seem to point

to, is the same thing, and something very

obvious.

My search for what I really am, is no

longer directed outward to matter or the

world, neither to the past, but “inward”

to whatever it is that is experiencing it all,

now – even the very searching and the

one searching! What is it that is on “this

side” of experience?

A human being is a part of a whole, called

by us “universe,” a part limited in time

and space. He experiences himself, his

thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest… a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness*.

…

This delusion is a kind of prison for us,

restricting us to our personal desires and

to affection for a few persons nearest to us.

Our task must be to free ourselves from

this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and

the whole of nature in its beauty.

…

The true value of a human being can be

found in the degree to which he has

attained liberation from the self.

…

We shall require a substantially new

manner of thinking, if mankind is to

survive.

…

[We] know that the distinction between

past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.*

Albert Einstein (1879–1955)

It may sound academic or complicated to

be on this kind of “exploration,” but it

really is not. On the contrary, because to

experience is what we are most used to

ever since birth – we really haven’t been

doing anything else than precisely experience! So to explore what it is that

experiences cannot be strange or something that needs to be described or explained by certified philosophers or others in academia or science.

I hold fast to what Rupert Spira said: “To

understand the world, it is a good idea to

first understand that which experiences it.”

In the first years on this journey, I meet a

few others who are interested in these

topics. We ask questions and taste the

answers, test and investigate ourselves in

experiences, and researchBeingin many

different ways; in creating music, dance,

theatre, film, websites, texts, etc.

To begin understanding and feeling what

it is that experiences is so fascinating that

I feel like an infatuated teenager. I can sit

still, just feeling, experiencing, both sorrow and pain, as well as joy and pleasure– and simultaneously be unfathomably

content with what I am, that which experiences, on this side of what is experienced, always the same, neither gaining

nor losing anything, and fundamentally

unaffected by what is experienced.

I also discover that there already is an

expression for this: Equanimity, defined

as a “composure which is undisturbed by

experience”.

About existence

If no thing, nothing, can come from

nothing – it then follows that no thing,

nothing can disappear, go back to nothing.

Something we all know really exists,

maybe the only existing, namely

Consciousness, can neither be created nor

disappear!

Does the brain produce consciousness?

What is this direct experience appearing

in? Witnessing awareness is already present before the causal process even arises.

So these processes cannot possibly cause

the witnessing awareness that preceded it.

These processes can’t cause that to which

they appear. It was already there!

Goode, Greg.The Direct Path: A User

Guide. Non-Duality Press, 2012.

Consciousness is reality

– If there is only one reality, everything’s reality, then consciousness of reality must be only one.

– Why?

– Because consciousness must then be this only reality.

Thirst

Do not look for water.

Look for thirst.

Rumi (1207-1273)

In my eagerness to try and communicate and reflect how I now feel, how it is actually fully possible – and also very practical – to see the world this way, some friends and I write many texts together, make a website for them, write scripts for plays we can put up, later on we make videos, and we have many meetings where I live, bathing in experiences that clearly show how we can shift our focus from what we see, to how we see. Here are a few examples of those texts:

Any paradigm based on the idea that the

world is composed of separate material

things, and therefore that some matter has

developed its own consciousness, will lead

to a failure in fulfilling the apparent

desires and needs of these seemingly separate conscious entities, and will eventually

fall. Any concept inside such a paradigm,

will eventually serve against its thinkers,

and lead to suffering; lack of love, peace,

and happiness.

Inevitably, as proven throughout history,

such paradigms lead to the belief that one

apparent entity or one population is better

or worth more than another, at which time

we see the emergence of aggression and

exploitation, whether on a personal or

national level. Again, suffering ensues.

All suffering, then, if honestly investigated,

leads us to a truth of another paradigm. A

truth that all humans long to embrace, in

fact a truth that is always shining through

even the most materialistic and dualistic

world view – because in ever present and

timeless consciousness, there is no resistance to even dualism or materialism.

Reality simply complies and conforms to

any and all world views, no matter how

“unreal”.

A paradigm based on the idea (and actually experienced reality, if investigated honestly and rigorously) that the world is

composed of the same consciousness,

which itself is ultimate fulfillment, in and

by which all seemingly material forms

manifest, cannot fail. Within such a paradigm, all concepts align with its inherent

fulfillment; love, peace, and happiness.

We all long to be one with God.

We all long to be one with each other.

We are.

We have simply forgotten it

and mistaken our identity

with something that seems separate.

Let us remember.

Looking down on the stars

One autumn evening, we lay in the grass

silently, filled with wonder, looking up at

the stars. My daughter says that we can

see it as in fact looking down on the stars.

It takes me a while, but all of a sudden,

things turn for me, everything flips! The

planet is now lying on my back and I look

down on the stars. And I feel it in my

whole body.

In space, there is no up or down, of course. Direction is based on a particular perspective – and it can change!

(My) Declaration of Love

After some time in this

euphoria, I think about all

my old friends, also those

that I have lost touch with

after the move to Åland in

2010, and I write about

how I feel now, about

what we have been

through together. I email

this text to a select few.

I love you!

I really love each and every one I have ever come in contact with! From when I looked out from my mother’s

womb to now and forever, you have told me, shown me,

reminded me of the only reliable thing: I am, I live, I am

life!

To all who I once thought did something mean to me, I

can deeply from my heart say:

Thank you for being! Of course you are forgiven, because

it was not what you did that meant something, but that

you helped me understand that I am life!

To all who I thought did something nice to me, I can

deeply from my heart say:

Thank you for being! Of course I was temporarily happy

for what you did, but what truly meant something, was

that you helped me understand that I am life!

How can I therefore hold any one of you higher or lower,

better or worse that any other? Now, the grace to live life

with every one and all, is too great to even contain the

thought of comparing or judging. We and all others are

life, all together.

What I love is life and love. Not the things or people that

life and love contains, but life and love itself. But since I

absolutely cannot find any separation, no border, between

life and life’s content – I can only love you and everyone,

and everything that has been and is life and love.

We are forever woven together, we are all one and the

same “being” of life. It is impossible to make any meaningful separation, because – from when my body was my

mother’s and father’s body, to when events and activities

brought us together in this magnificent fabric of life –

everything is connected. So I can neither remove or add,

nor change anything, not even find a cause or effect for

anything – but we have been and are woven together,

completely and fully, and I cannot separate myself from

anything or any one in this fantastic and motley fabric.

And actually: Even if I at times tried to

isolate myself, those efforts were also in the

fabric of life – which never resists being

woven! Why, then, should I?

At the same time, I am so deeply grateful

for how you love me! Life, you and I, in

the same whirling dance, have met, acted,

cooperated, and interacted. Completely

without you or me ever thinking about it,

we were one and the same exuberant life

together! And absolutely regardless of

what we did or what happened.

Thank you for being! For having been and

being in my life, regardless of whether I

thought of it as good or bad, right or

wrong! You have contributed to the

greatest revelation, insight and gratitude:

That I love you, that I love life, and that

life loves us!

Now, I can only continue to be what I

know I am: Love. Unfathomable and

wordless, time- and space-less love. Nothing needs to change, life in love never

ends, even if our actions and bodies do,

when that time comes. All I want and am,

is to love and be so close, that we are always reminded that we are one, one life,

one love.

I cannot refrain from giving you my favorite quote, which has come to mean so

much to me. Maybe to you, too, beloved.

Being

Exuberant is existence, time a husk.

When the moment cracks open,

ecstasy leaps out and devours space;

love goes mad with the blessings,

like my words give.

Why lay yourself on the torturer’s rack

of the past and the future?

The mind that tries to shape tomorrow

beyond its capacities will find no rest.

Be kind to yourself, dear – to our innocent

follies. Forget any sounds or touch you

knew that did not help you dance.

You will come to see that all evolves us.

Rumi (1207-1273)

❦

Knowledge

The mind’s knowledge of anything

is only as good as its knowledge of itself.

Therefore, there is no higher knowledge

than to know the nature of the mind.

Rupert Spira (1960–)

I feel like newly hatched into this new

seeing on the world, and most of it now

seems to actually be in a way that is

180° from what I was told by others

since birth.

Everything I experience, everything that

changes, is experienced in what I am –

even my mind and body are experienced, and they change, too.

I cannot find any distance between what I

am and what I experience. Both the song

of the birds and the pain from the

mosquito bite happens in what I am. As

well as the friend I talk to on the phone

or meet in town. And the phone. And the

town.

What the world looks like, now seems to

depend more on how I see, than on

what I see.

It feels so new and wonderful to see the

world this way. It is as though it relates to