The Nightingale Silenced E-Book

Margiad Evans

• Herausgeber: Honno Press
• Kategorie: Sachliteratur, Reportagen, Biografien
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

The Nightingale Silenced, transcribed by her nephew Jim Pratt from three previously unpublished manuscripts, offers a unique account of the last years of Margiad Evans' life, which was irreversibly changed by the onset of epilepsy at the age of 41. The first part, Journal in Ireland (1949) tells of a joyous and inspirational holiday, free from epilepsy. The second, Letters to Bryher (1949-1958) is a selection from letters to Evans' friend and benefactor Winifred Ellerman (the English author Bryher). They contain a vivid account of her pregnancy, the birth of her daughter, her frustration at the impact of her illness on her writing, and finally resignation at the terminal nature of her condition. The third part, The Nightingale Silenced (1954), is an evocative and harrowing memoir describing her experiences as an inpatient after her condition became acute. The book closes with five of her poems, written during her final months in hospital, which she intended to publish with The Nightingale Silenced. She died at only 49 in 1958. This new compilation from a courageous young novelist and poet of great promise, silenced too soon, is an enlightening example of writing on the experience of terminal illness.

Leseprobe

Contents

Title Page

Acknowledgements

Foreword by Peter Wolf

Introduction by Jim Pratt

Journal in Ireland (1949)

Letters to Bryher (1949-1958)

The Nightingale Silenced (1954)

Poems Written in Hospital (1954)

Postscript

About Honno

Copyright

THE NIGHTINGALE SILENCED

And Other Late Unpublished Writings

by

MARGIAD EVANS

Edited and with an introduction by

Jim Pratt

Welsh Women’s Classics

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I should like to record, with thanks and in alphabetical order, those who have made this project possible: Jane Aaron, Kirsti Bohata, Jane Dickson, John Goodby, Nancy Holmes, Andrew Larner, Ceridwen Lloyd-Morgan, Tom Nightingale, Karen Pratt, Graham Whistler, Peter Wolf, Sue Unwin, and of course my aunt Peggy Whistler (Margiad Evans).Without their help transcribing and typing, interpreting medical texts, unscrambling Margiad’s sometimes volatile handwriting and leading me from writing in the scientific mode (to which I am accustomed) into that of the literary tradition I would have made scant progress.

I particularly wish to thank my cousins Mrs Cassie Davis for permission to reproduce her mother’s writing and drawings, and Mrs Sarah Dwane for supplying the cover photograph. Thanks are due to the Random House Group ©1956 for permission to reproduce ‘The Forest’ fromA Candle Ahead by Margiad Evans, published by Chatto and Windus; to Ray Bulmer, of the Frenchay Village Museum, for the photograph of Professor Golla; to the Boston Children’s Hospital Archive, Boston, Massachusetts for the photograph of William Lennox; to Tim Schaffner, Schaffner Press for the portrait of Bryher and to Yale University Library and the National Library of Wales for supplying copies of the three unpublished works in this volume.  

Finally, in transcriptions as long as these, there are bound to be errors; they are all mine.

Jim Pratt

Foreword

Margiad Evans And Epilepsy

Peter Wolf

Margiad Evans is the unique example of a professional writer who, inA Ray of Darkness, described, analysed and commented on both symptoms and consequences of her own epilepsy as part of a literary rather than a medical tradition. She describes minor, incipient epileptic events as peculiarly subjective experiences or ‘auras’ which long preceded her first convulsive seizure. Typically, her conscious self would see one thing and at the same instant her soul would ‘give birth to its matching half, its sunny shadow’. She considers this ‘poetry born into the world no less surely than if it had been written’ and was happy to have these ‘mental images’. ‘For that was why I was born, to be able to do just that and nothing else.’ The literary figure thus created is the oxymoron which unites two irreconcilable opposites in one expression. There are numerous oxymora in Evans’ fiction, probable traces of seizures such as ‘swift slowness’, ‘black sunlight’ or ‘voiceless call’. Other seizures were felt as if a terrific alien power had entered her body, persuading her that the ancient view of epilepsy as a demoniac possession ‘arose not from the onlookers of sufferers in fits but from the sufferers themselves’ – a unique and highly thought-provoking statement.

After her death, Evans left numerous unpublished writings, and great thanks are due to her nephew, Jim Pratt, for preparing three of these texts for publication in the present book. Can they shed more light upon the impact her illness had on her life and literary production?

The diary of a journey to Ireland in August 1949, written for the unknown benefactor who had paid for the holiday was written in a deliberate, elegant literary style. Interestingly, it includes no oxymora, possibly because she reserved these creative foci for her fiction or because she had no auras during the travel. InA Ray of Darkness, written in 1952, she notes indeed that ‘during part of August in the year 1949, all the symptoms […] disappeared’.

In the subsequent correspondence with Bryher, her benefactor, there is no literary pretence, the letters merely reporting her joys and worries, including those associated with her developing epilepsy. The auras, the sources of her oxymora, are not mentioned. She does, however, refer to other types of minor seizures, which may have replaced the auras – a possible development in tumour-induced epilepsies. Alternatively, since she wrote to Bryher mostly about issues that had consequences for her life rather than her art, the auras, here, found no place.

In the third text, the unfinished manuscriptThe Nightingale Silenced, she continues to tell and reflect upon a short but intense period of her illness. Here we find not only oxymora (‘red snow of a volcano’) but also accounts of other seizures and of abnormal states preceding and following them. Rapidly she moves from description (the horrible experience of long series of seizures or ‘sub-attacks’ with retained awareness for example) to reflection, much of it philosophical. An important issue is Evans’ insistence that patients with epilepsy have a knowledge which doctors do not possess: patients alone have the inside experience of seizures. Her objective inTheNightingale Silencedis to make this inside experience known, albeit with some tetchiness with those clinicians who seem not to understand that theirs is solely an outside experience. She excludes from these Professor Golla, the neurologist and Director of the Burden Institute, who listened to her and followed the development of her condition over several years. It is also relevant that repeated references toA Ray of Darknesswithin Lennox’s classic textbookEpilepsy and Related Disorders (1960) witness the high regard of that book by one of the most prominent epilepsy experts of her time. It seems that, visiting England, he made personal contact with her and was ‘grateful for the friendship of Margiad Evans and her husband and small daughter’.

I fully agree with her insistence that the subjective aspects of epilepsy, which only patients can experience, are still grossly under-recognized and undervalued in present epileptology. Therefore, the publication ofThe Nightingale Silencedis welcome as it completes, together withA Ray of Darkness, probably the most comprehensive literary self-report of epilepsy available.

Prof. Dr. Peter Wolf

Copenhagen, Denmark

Former President of the International League Against Epilepsy

July 2019

Introduction

On Either Side of the Wave

Jim Pratt

The novelist and poet Margiad Evans (my aunt Peggy Williams, née Whistler, 1909-1958) has been classed as one of the finest English-language prose writers of the twentieth century.1She published four novels (Country Dance, 1932;The Wooden Doctor, 1933;Turf or Stone, 1934 andCreed, 1936), two poetry collections (Poems from Obscurity, 1947 andA Candle Ahead, 1956), two volumes of autobiographical prose (Autobiography, 1943 andA Ray of Darkness, 1952), and a short story collection (The Old and the Young, 1948), but the bulk of her writing in letters, journals, notes and plays remains unpublished. The object of this book is to make available to readers two of her later unpublished works (Journal in Ireland,1949 andThe Nightingale Silenced,1954), linked by a series of letters to a friend and confidant that shed light on the later piece. These writings span a critical period towards the end of her life, cut short by what turned out to be a terminal brain tumour. Cruelly, this manifested itself for several years in increasingly severe epilepsy. Her struggle to come to terms with this most debilitating of illnesses, to write her way around it but not to submit to it, is a constant theme in both the letters and the autobiographicalThe Nightingale Silenced.2In the end her epilepsy subsumed her, but the period from May 1950 (her first fit) to February 1956 (diagnosis of her inoperable brain tumour) was also a time of hope, and of new friendships curiously enriched by, and resulting from, her illness. It was also a period of intense self-examination, of increasing responsibility for other people (notably her daughter), of frustration at her lack of inspiration and inability to sell her work, and of physical pain and exhaustion in one whom she describes as being ‘very strong. Like a steel rope’.3But even when epilepsy had her in its full grip, she remained capable of writing narrative that is harrowing and arresting to read.

To her, what mattered was what she could see or hear or feel. Margiad had been mesmerized by nature since, as an eleven-year-old, she spent a year with her younger sister Nancy (otherwise known as Sian) largely unsupervised on a farm by the banks of the River Wye. Such was her subsequent devotion to the natural world which inspired her that she elected, from 1940-1947, to live in isolated cottages in the Welsh borders some distance from the nearest village, Llangarron. For several years, she lived on her own while her husband Mike was on active naval service. In a previously unpublished 1943 letter to her brother, then a prisoner of war in Germany, she writes:

I saw snow last week…As it fell the fields turned blue as if with frost-dust and the sky thickened with one dense earthy cloud…Next day how beautiful – the soft silent trees with a strange dimness of atmosphere about them, the contours of the hilly fields for once not outlined by the higher boundaries but white and empty against the cloudiness in which the true hills and mountains were lost. Warm red cattle stood against the hedges & ricks; poultry crowed and cackled from their perches: the farms and yards looked half thawed in the whiteness, as if by the breath of the men & the beasts.4

In her cottage, Potacre, she attempted to describe and rationalize her place in nature, summarizing her perceptions in one striking paragraph inAutobiography:

All, all in sight and hearing was Nature pouring itself from one thing into another, spending and creating, running like the wind over the body of life, and flowing like blood through its heart. All changed, and nothing changed. If I may keep this knowledge, this perpetual life in me, anybody may have my visible life; anybody may have my work, my smile, if I may go on sensing the thread that ties me to the sun, to the roots of trees and the springs of joys, the one and separate strand to each star of each great constellation.5

The passage suggests a level of appreciation of evolutionary biology and physical entropy striking in one who had had no scientific education.More than this, she could imagine herself as a participant in that world: ‘without mental effort I can become as the wind, as the very light, entering the barn doors and the crannies in the stones, learning how things are in the hibernating insect world…’6 But her quest for understanding her place in the scheme of things was fated to be complicated and indeed compromised by the events that overtook her in 1950 when, without warning, epilepsy struck. From then on, she wrote through the twin prisms of her epilepsy and her belief in the power of the natural world.

To write and publish about one’s own epilepsy was remarkably brave, given the suspicion and social stigma attached to the illness. In 1960 her contemporary and later friend, the American neurologist William Lennox, in the introduction to hisEpilepsy and Related Disorders,called for change, protesting that‘epilepsy is an illness that should not call for secrecy any more than diabetes […] Yet many epileptics live in a cocoon of concealment. Breaking this skein will give them […] a new freedom. Epileptics can perform this miracle […] for themselves.’7This Margiad did in her writing, exposing her doubts, anxieties and fears openly, often at times of great pain and discomfort. Earlier epileptic writers, like Dostoyevsky, had embodied descriptions of their disorders in fictional characters, but she exposed her own condition to public scrutiny. For her, to write of what was on her mind was a necessity. ‘As a pleasure, writing has great limitations: as an outlet, none’, she remarked inThe Nightingale Silenced.8That, and its predecessorA Ray of Darkness are amongst the earliest accounts of epilepsy by a patient and as such merit careful analysis by neurologists.9As Sue Asbee points out, ‘A major illness forces the need to renegotiate our relationship with our bodies and with the world. Things that we took for granted when we were well are inconceivably impossible once we are not’,10 and Margiad realised this early on.

Framing her experience through expressing it in writing may well have been for her by that time a clinical need, but earlier in her life, before epilepsy struck, that ‘outlet’ had also been essential: she had found herself ‘beginning to write before I knew all the shapes of the letters⁠ – long before I cared toread.’11AlthoughJournal in Irelandwas written as an expression of gratitude to her ‘Benefactor’ (to whom there are fourteen references within the text), she would probably have written it anyway, for her own purposes. Its composition was the result of a bursary offered to Margiad by the Society of Authors for a holiday, to be taken outside Britain: an anonymous benefactor had paid for the travel bursary. A single MS copy (95 pages including sketches, written with the new-fangled Biro pen) of her diary of the trip, to which she gave the titleJournal in Ireland, is preserved in the library of Yale University. It forms the first part of this book and is reproduced here, as far as possible, as written.

The England which Margiad and her husband Mike (Michael Williams) left in August 1949 was a country in flux, struggling to balance the creation of the Welfare State with all the other demands that relief from total war imposed. In contrast, the Republic of Ireland was at a standstill: an economic malaise was eating away at Irish confidence, with as many as 60,000 emigrating to England every year, while a small Marshall Aid loan made little impact on a protectionist agricultural economy. Margiad and her husband set out from Gloucester, travelling to Ireland from Fishguard to Waterford on a ferry skippered by Mike’s cousin Captain Mendus, then making their way to Dublin via Galway. Later inA Ray of DarknessMargiad expressed her profound appreciation of the west of Ireland’s countryside, in which ‘mentally I was as clear as the country unspoiled by traffic, as calm as the long, long roads where sheep and cattle and donkeys took the place of ghastly speed and hideous shapes.’12In theJournal she wrote some of her most evocative prose in Galway, describing a hot Sunday among rural Catholic worshippers, while in Waterford it was penury which struck her, particularly the ‘barefoot and ragged’ children:

A little boy with a burnt face, a mouthful of smile, dirty naked feet and pants gathered up to the armholes, runs in & out of the hotel selling papers. He’s out there now, against the river, fiddling with the chain of the harbour fence, grinning up at me. I’ll give him one of the Benefactor’s sixpences that have been buying me chocolate all day, & tea & bread & butter in cafes & loafy lazing. I do. Benefactor should have seen him skip off on his naked feet down the street throwing a grin back at me – such a queer intimate sound those bare feet make in the daylight.13

The debt she felt to her benefactor is evident: inA Ray of Darknessshe recalls that ‘[t]he unknown personality who had given me such pleasure went with me wherever I went, to the sea, to the hills, to the mystic ruins of tall towers, to the old libraries and the beauty of Dublin’s most beautiful city.’14That Dublin and its open-hearted population made a deep impression on her is made clear by her many sketches of its Georgian streets and her delight in the characters who befriended her and Mike. She also recalls nature’s phenomena, ‘for these were my cures. And the brain, knowing before it tells of its malady, seeks a cure. And mine […] went its country way, a herbalist of a brain, a gatherer of simples.’15 In this passage, written in 1952, she appears to be searching retrospectively for clues to her sudden epilepsy. However, while they were travelling, Margiad’s health was generally good and there were no records of the headaches or dizziness that had been troubling her before: ‘Free of disease […] a wonderful, magnificent and perpetual youth held me.’

For all her emphasis on nature and its ‘cures’,Journal in Irelandalso illustrates her curiosity in people. Initially, it was her husband’s relatives in south Wales who captured her imagination, along with their antecedents and servants. Similarly, in Ireland and particularly in Dublin she was excited by the curiousness and vitality of the literary and artistic people she and Mike befriended in a few days. Indeed, the friendship bestowed on them by complete strangers in Dublin suggests that Margiad was far from being an introverted, anti-social intellectual and was, as her sister described, ‘attractive and fun to be with’. Overall, it was a holiday that gave her a reviving mix of the rural, the practical, the religious, the political, the artistic and the mystical, and it rebalanced many rather solitary years in Llangarron. It may well have tempted her to hope that it set her up for revisiting her writing career after she got home: an aspiration cruelly denied since, as Katie Gramich has observed, ‘that long late summer in Ireland was one of the last periods of unshadowed happiness in the author’s life: that reflection gives Evans’s characteristically astute observations and reflections an additional poignancy.’16Journal in Ireland is a social document of its time, and like the letters that follow, it is spontaneous and unconstrained by the discipline of editing that might have dulled the edge had it been prepared for publication. Like her letters, it thus reflects Margiad’s state of mind at that time of her life.

The letters which linkJournal in IrelandtoThe Nightingale Silencedmake up the second part of this book. AfterJournal in Ireland was delivered to her benefactor (through the good offices of the Society of Authors), Margiad wrote to her ‘‘donor’’ on September 10, 1949:

Dear Donor: On my lovely holiday I spent my time in Southern Ireland. My husband went with me and it was a time of bliss [⁠…] Nothing like your gift has ever happened to me before. And nothing […] could possibly convey my gratitude […] I knew that before I started so I tried to keep a diary for you as we went around […] You will find it not at all ‘good’, not thought out or finished in any way, but just as it came, with the flowers we picked out of the fields and on the mountains. It simply means that we were happy and interested. We love seeing and staring⁠ – and that I thought every day, of the unknown person who had given the sight to me.17

This started a correspondence with her donor which was to continue for the rest of her life; the letter, as she subsequently discovered, was written to the poet and novelist Bryher (Annie Winifred Ellerman, 1894-1983). Bryher had financed the Irish vacation, possibly in response to a suggestion from the Scottish writer Robert Herring (1903-1975), a keen supporter of Margiad’s authorial career, who worked with Bryher on the production of the journalLife and Letters Todayin which several of Margiad’s essays were published. Of their correspondence, only Margiad’s letters to Bryher have survived, lodged with Bryher’s papers in the library of Yale University. Not only do they chart an extraordinarily free and open relationship between these two broadly contemporary but very different authors, they also include many drawings by Margiad, given to Bryher perhaps as tokens of her gratitude for the latter’s continued generosity. For Bryher, who had inherited a fortune from her wealthy businessman father, remained Margiad’s patron after 1949, helping to eke out her meagre income. This book includes edited content of 23 of the 39 letters written from September 1949 to December 1957, along with some of the drawings which illustrate her mind-set during this period. Edited to focus on passages relevant to Margiad’s health and state of mind, the letters are here set out in a single group that extends beyond the period of severe illness described inThe Nightingale Silencedalmost up to her death and give reason for her occasional morbidity. More profoundly, they bring into sharp relief the devastating and complicating effects of epilepsy on the anxiety she felt about her responsibilities to her child, this new life she had created.

The period immediately after Margiad’s Irish holiday was, however, one of optimism: she had several projects in her sights, including a novel and a study of Emily Brontë. But that optimism was crushed when she suffered her first epileptic fit. By nature intellectual, inquisitive and optimistic, she attempted to rationalize, in writing, what had happened and speculate on the possible cause. The result wasA Ray of Darkness, a book that charts the progress of her illness and her intellectual reaction to it. Her account in it of the first fit is unsentimental, objective and unsparing. It occurred in ‘the prettiest little cottage we ever lived in. It was called the Black House because it was tarred outside.’ The inside, painted a clear yellow had four rooms, its parlour ‘like a nut’, and it was in this room on May 11th1950, after composing a sonnet and making a cup of tea, that she found she had lost 1 hour 15 mins: ‘I had fallen through Time, Continuity and Being.’ Her body had collapsed perilously, crowded between the fender of a blazing fire and a small table on which was a burning paraffin lamp: ‘The space in which I was lying was perhaps a yard wide. My sleeve was charred by an ember but that was all. Had some special agent of preservation laid me down between lamp and fire it could not have been more dexterously done.’ Her brain ‘held and let go, held and let go, a confused mass of atmosphere and memory.’ Going out of the house for air, she ‘felt a cold dampness and it came on me stunningly, terrifyingly, that my clothes were wet. My urine had escaped me then. Horrifyingly, in one moment, I realized the incredible, impossible, and ghastly truth – I had neither fainted nor been asleep: I had had an epileptic fit!’18

On May 12th, her doctor visited her at home, prescribed Luminal (Phenobarbital: an anti-convulsant drug), and arranged a consultation with the director of the Burden Neurological Institute Bristol, Professor Frederick Golla, on June 8th1950. Until then, she could only speculate on whether her seizure indicated epilepsyper seor some other condition. On the basis of observations she had made of inpatients in the colony for epileptics at Chalfont St Peter (near where her sister Nancy lived), she favoured the former. This period of uncertainty over her diagnosis was clearly distressing: her diary entry for May 23rdreads, ‘Ultimately it is hope, not fear, which makes me think of death. Perhaps I am not going to have a long life; and so, this feeling, which is only healthily appropriate to age, is right for me. It would be if I were having my folding years now.’19And, most profoundly, ‘Yet I began to see that I was not free, that I was indeed in chains to my brain, and even hopelessly and despairingly involved with it and I began to ask ‘Is epilepsy a religious or moral disease? Is it possible that it is myfault?’ In other words, she reified her disease: ‘she was an epileptic, not an epileptic who sometimes had fits.’20

The meeting with Frederick Golla was critical for two reasons: first, because he confirmed the diagnosis of epilepsy (albeit without knowing the cause) and second because it presaged a profound relationship between consultant and patient.21Golla’s diagnosis would have taken into account his interpretation of the symptoms she described to him, along with the results of an EEG (Electroencephalograph) scan which measured electrical activity in the brain, a diagnostic procedure he pioneered in the late 1930s. He would have been aware that not all seizures imply epilepsy, particularly for single seizures with a low likelihood of recurrence. Now we know that analysis of EEG patterns is a complex task, even some 80 years after the system was invented.22Given these difficulties, Golla was as well placed as any neurologist in the country to advise Margiad on her illness, its possible cause and its prognosis. At the time of their meeting, Margiad was 41 and Golla was 72. Over the next eight years, their correspondence blossomed into numerous letters: Golla recorded that Margiad wrote perhaps three times per fortnight. Little of this correspondence remains; Golla destroyed all Margiad’s letters after her death and only a handful of his remain, in the National Library of Wales. His were hand-written, long, affectionate and, indeed, almost passionate, but he was clearly aware of the patient\doctor conventions: in one he invites her to stay in the Institute since ‘I obviously could not in my grass-widower state offer the hospitality of Newlands’ (his home).23Golla was candid about his attraction to Margiad, claiming that a sense of pity overrode his medical objectivity: not only that, he found in her a spiritual and philosophical mentor.24 Leaving the Institute after her consultation, Margiad thought that ‘this cross clever man had so sweet and sudden a smile that it was a pity that I had so little about me to provoke it.’ After meeting him several times, she began ‘to comprehend the feeling of ease and sympathy I had felt in the presence of a man so eminent […] a man who, not easily within reach, mentally existed, I felt sure, as I did, with himself. A rare man, a man without loneliness, as I was without it.’25It is tempting to compare her attraction to Golla with the fictional unrequited relationship with a doctor that she had described some twenty years earlier inThe Wooden Doctor.26

Golla and his institute seemed to offer hope for recovery; he thought it possible that her fit may have been a once-only occurrence deriving from an accident some thirty years earlier. But in October 1950 a second fit destroyed that hope. It happened when she was three months pregnant: a condition that is known to induce a lower threshold towards epilepsy.27However, it may have provided the stimulus for her to write about her personal experiences: if so,A Ray of Darknesswas the result, although its origin can only be inferred. Margiad was a fit, robust young woman from a family of survivors (each of her three siblings exceeded the age of 90, her sister Nancy dying at 99). She had always used writing as a way to clear her mind; when that was assaulted by the shocking incident of a fit which robbed her of her consciousness, all the existential questions that had plagued her since childhood flooded into her brain. The problem was how to express them.

Language is demanded by epilepsy, as by poetry, that simply does not exist; and no amount of agility can create it. […] Language can, however, in the hands of a master, suggest that greater, wordless language within from which mental and spiritual discovery issues. It can suggest truths which are the more certain for being inarticulate.28

And here the influence of Professor Golla on the writing ofA Ray of Darknessmay become relevant. The two developed a synergy in which their separate souls achieved a feeling of unity by considering the same goal.29Their different disciplines (poetry and prose writing on the one hand, and neuropsychiatry on the other) contributed to a mutual need to understand the origins and prognosis of the disease. Margiad, being both the writer and the sufferer could, with his aid, help him gain insight into epileptics’ plight and this, I think, may have been the origin of firstA Ray of Darknessand, later,The Nightingale Silenced.Margiad saw illness as a partnership, an adventure shared with a doctor: ‘our health is as a voyage; and every illness is an adventure story. The leader […] is the doctor; think of him as the captain […] while the patient is vessel, crew and passenger all in one’.30Golla extended the metaphor by advising her to work her brain to defeat her illness, and Margiad was unwilling to ignore anything he advised.31More prosaically, she needed to earn some money, as is clear from an undated letter to her sister Nancy in August 1951 or 1952, in which she describes ‘distressin’ experiences ’ere too – quite ’orrible except for earning some dosh for an ’oliday.’32It is also possible that the condition prompted an urgency in her writing, albeit classic hypergraphia was not associated with her symptoms.33Given these possible reasons, it would perhaps have been consistent for her to continue her habit of writing autobiographically, modified in this case into a pathography as suggested by Caesar.34

Following the publication ofA Ray of Darknessin 1952, a reviewer for the British Epilepsy Association criticized the book, having read it in the hope that it would bridge the gap between sufferers and clinicians, and would provide insight into the condition. In that, the reviewer concluded it had failed, ‘for her epilepsy becomes part of her egotism, a wholly personal experience rather than one which many others know. Epileptics may find comfort in the sharing of her experiences but not […] if they accept as typical of epilepsy as a whole, rather than as the reaction […] of an unusual, even distorted personality.’35As an afterthought, the reviewer averred the book would have made more interesting reading if more care had been taken in putting it together. This attack on Margiad’s attempt to share her experiences hurt her very much, and it was poorly received by others. In response to a subsequent query, dated March 1965, the then General Secretary of the British Epilepsy Association attempted to excuse it on the grounds that Margiad’s vivid descriptions of her own experiences were not applicable to epileptics generally because they were influenced by her brain tumour: ‘It was for this reason that the association at the time […] thoughtA Ray of Darknesswas misleading.’36 This would seem a lame excuse, given that the tumour was not diagnosed until March 1957.

In a letter of 29 April 1953 to Bryher, to whom she had dedicated the book, Margiad wrote of its reception,

Doctors and specialists approved, so did most of the reviews. But just lately it has been attacked by the British Epilepsy Association in what they call a private leaflet […] They had the idiocy to send the leaflet to the Professor who wrote the foreword for the serialization in John Bull.37 They may have done me some slight harm – it’s doubtful – but themselves possibly a lot […] but I was hurt and offended […] Needless to say they tell me it was written by ‘a brilliant young scientist’ whose opinions on epilepsy differ extremely from mine. They said many people are afraid of the book (epileptics) and how would I like to see my ‘complaint’ described in terms I loathed. Why, if in the long run it brought help to research, I’d be quite happy, wouldn’t you?

She adds, however, that ‘The day after I’d seen this review, Dr Lennox […] wrote to ask if he might be allowed to quote from the book in a study of the brain and particularly epilepsy he is trying to write.38I was truly made proud.’39William G. Lennox, a world expert in epileptics, had written to her in praise ofA Ray of Darkness, stating that ‘No other epileptic writer, poet, mystic or activist has shared his experiences so explicitly and so generously, or has used words so deftly in tracing a way through the deep passages where brain, mind and spirit join.’

This affirmation by a clinician as renowned as Lennox, along with further positive reviews in the national press highlighting the value ofA Ray of Darkness to both clinicians and public alike, had a profound effect on Margiad. In his letter, Lennox had made the following suggestion to her:

Having with courage probed the central depth of the individual spirit in relation to seizures, might you not consider entering the Second Sphere ‘The necessities of others’. You have bared your own deep feelings and problems, but no one has dealt in adequate fashion and in normal form with the more superficial but pressing and varied psychological and social problems of epileptics, not of persons in a colony but in the community.40

Lennox’s comments were followed by those of the Nobel Laureate Pearl S. Buck, endorsing the American edition ofA Ray of Darknessin 1953:

Margiad Evans is a poet with a mind of unusual clarity and sensitivity. For such a mind to be attacked by the tragic blows of epilepsy would be unendurable, except that Miss Evans is more than a poet and a fine mind. She is a person of character, rich and profound, and she accepts her affliction not only with fortitude but also with grace and understanding. She is able to live through her suffering to comprehend its power and its limitations, and to maintain her being, not by revolt, but by the very fullness of her comprehension.

InA Ray of Darknessshe shares with the reader the experience of her suffering, and this without a trace of self-pity. Indeed, as she explains what it means to be an epileptic, she conveys somehow the extra and beyond of what all suffering means when it is inescapable and therefore must be lived with, not merely as a burden, but also as an opportunity […]41