The psyche of our children E-Book

Leonard Sturm

• Herausgeber: via tolino media
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

This captivating work invites the reader on an emotional and profound journey through the psyche of a child. The author, Erik, an experienced psychologist and father of Tom, impressively combines in-depth specialist knowledge with personal experiences from everyday family life. Together with his wife Emma, an empathetic and intelligent mother, he tries to better understand their son's development and support him through the difficult phases of childhood. As a psychologist, Erik knows a lot about the development of the child's psyche, but sometimes knowledge alone is not enough. The importance of empathy, patience and unconditional love is particularly emphasized in this section. The Psyche of Our Children shows that parents don't have to be perfect. It is an invitation to respond to children's needs with love, understanding and an open attitude. It encourages parents to get to know and grow not only their child, but also themselves. The Psyche of Our Children is a successful blend of professional expertise and personal reflection. It touches the heart and stimulates the mind - a must-read for anyone who loves and wants to understand children.

Leseprobe

Foreword

Children are like little universes - fascinating, complex and full of secrets. They are born without instructions, and as parents we are suddenly faced with the great challenge of accompanying them on their journey through life. We ask ourselves how we can support them without overwhelming them, how we can guide them without taking away their own path. This book was born out of precisely these questions - and out of my personal experience as a psychologist, father and human being.

My name is Erik. I am not only the father of the wonderful boy Tom, but also a psychologist with a passion for the development of the child's psyche. In this book, I don't want to offer any patent remedies, because every child is unique and every family has its own dynamics. Rather, I want to give readers an insight into the inner world of children as I have come to know it through my profession and my own experiences.

Together with my wife Emma, I was able to experience the highs and lows of being a parent. We have laughed, cried, doubted - and learned so much about ourselves. In the process, we realized that it takes three things above all to raise children in a healthy way: Love, patience and an honest effort to understand them.

This book is not just for parents, but for anyone who is interested in the emotional development of children. It is intended to encourage parents not to lose touch with their children, even in difficult times. Because children don't need perfect parents - they need people who love them for who they are.

I invite you to join us on this journey. Let's explore the psyche of our children together - with curiosity, openness and a loving look at what really matters.

The psyche of our children

A new beginning

An icy, blustery morning in February framed the moment when Emma felt the existential intensity of life. For the first time, her newborn son lay on her chest, a tiny, trembling body whose cry shattered the sterile calm of the delivery room. This cry - raw, piercing, unmistakable - seemed to embody both triumph and vulnerability. The complexity of this moment hit Emma with a force that almost overwhelmed her.

Tears welled up in her eyes, triggered by an overwhelming stream of conflicting emotions. At her core, she felt an incredible joy that spread through her like a warm tidal wave, but it was accompanied by an awe that almost turned into fear. It was as if the whole world had focused on this tiny, trembling body in her arms. His first breath, his first cry - they seemed to tell an unwritten story, a story of beginnings and innocence, but also of the fragility of life.

Emma took in every detail: the velvety softness of his skin, the subtle blush of his cheeks, the tiny fingers that opened and closed as if driven by an instinctive urge. She felt the warmth of his body and at the same time was filled with a deep, almost painful longing to protect him from all the suffering in the world. A stream of thoughts and questions ran through her mind. Was she ready to live up to this immeasurable responsibility? How would she protect him, give him comfort, help him to understand the world and at the same time preserve a piece of innocence?

Her thoughts intensified as she became aware of the sounds around her: the muffled hum of the medical equipment, the quiet voices of the hospital staff. The world outside seemed so far away at that moment, so irrelevant. All that mattered was the little creature in her arms. His tiny breaths seemed to speak a silent language that only she could understand. Every movement of his little hands, every irregular breath was a silent dialog that resonated deep within her.

But all these thoughts were imbued with an unexpected strength: a determination that came from the deepest depths of her soul. As she hugged her son closer to her, she felt a certainty that overrode all doubts. "I will do everything I can to protect you," she whispered, her voice tinged with a tremor that revealed both strength and vulnerability. In that moment, time had become meaningless. There was only her, him and the boundless love that existed between them like an unshakeable bond.

The small body nestled against her, its warm skin a gentle comfort against the clinical cold of the room, living proof that new life had found its place despite the sterility of the moment. His tiny hands - delicate and uncoordinated - opened and closed like petals seeking the first warmth of the morning sun. It was as if they were trying to find a foothold, an anchor in the overwhelming chaos of the new. Time seemed to stand still; everything around Emma lost meaning. Worries, fears and hopes merged into a single, inextricable knot of emotions that anchored itself deep inside her.

Emma felt a realization that penetrated her to the core: in this tiny being lay not only the essence of the life she had created, but also an immense responsibility that settled on her like a weight - and yet at the same time burned within her like a flaming source of determination. Every twitch of his fingers, every irregular breath seemed to convey a silent message: a call for protection, security and guidance that Emma promised to answer with every fiber of her being.

Despite the overwhelming happiness, Emma felt a nagging sense of insecurity creeping into her thoughts like a shadow. Was she really up to the challenge? Could she be the mother her child needed - strong, patient, full of love? The questions drilled deep into her consciousness, every thought a mirror of her doubts and hopes. Would she be able to give him the emotional security he needed to find his place in this world? Would she also be able to offer him the material security to nurture his dreams?

The thought of the unpredictability of the future came over her like a wave, sometimes gently filled with hope, sometimes stormily laden with apprehension. She imagined him taking his first steps, uncertain and yet full of the urge to discover. She saw him in front of her, speaking his first word in a bright voice, a tiny milestone that nevertheless laid the foundation for a lifetime of communication. All the small and big moments that make up a child's life - they flashed before her inner eye like a movie, each moment both a gift and a task.

But when she looked into her son's face, her thoughts changed. His face - so delicate, so fragile and yet full of untapped potential - was a source of unshakeable strength for her. His eyelashes trembled slightly in the light, his small fists clenched in an instinctive attempt to grasp the world. In that moment, Emma felt a determination that burned like a fire inside her, a promise that came from deep within her. "I will do everything I can to protect you," she whispered, her voice filled with emotions stronger than words could express.

It was more than just a moment. It was an unspoken agreement, a silent yet unshakable bond between mother and child. This bond was beyond words, beyond logic. And as she held her son, Emma realized with a clarity that was almost painful: love was not just a feeling. Love was an action, an ongoing promise that came to life in countless everyday decisions - in every reassuring cradle, every loving look, every protective gesture. This love would guide her, today, tomorrow and for all the days to come.

Scientific findings and the practice of attachment

Erik , a renowned psychologist specializing in early childhood attachment, sat at his old oak table, a cup of now cold coffee beside him. His laptop showed the half-finished manuscript of his latest book, which was to set out the essential foundations of attachment theory. Erik's mind wandered as he looked critically at the words he had written so far. He was aware of the importance of his work: the first years of a child's life were crucial to the development of a secure attachment pattern. During this time, the brain formed a complex neural network that influenced not only emotional, but also cognitive and social development.

Attachment was more than an academic concept; it was the essential foundation for resilience, self-esteem and interpersonal relationships. Erik saw it as the invisible anchor that could navigate a child through the turbulence of life. But he also knew that these insights were often stuck in the theoretical abstraction of science, far removed from the reality of the lives of the people who needed them most.

Modern society, Erik thought, was in a paradoxical state. Parents were under immense pressure to nurture their children in every possible way, while at the same time struggling with a chronic lack of time and societal demands. How could they convey that it was not perfection that counted, but the authenticity of moments lived in the present? That a single attentive, loving togetherness often achieved more than any outside intervention?

Erik rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. It was a challenge to translate scientific knowledge into a language that was both accessible and effective. But that was exactly what he saw as his mission. His goal was to create a dialog between science and everyday life - a bridge that made it possible to translate theory into practice.

With renewed determination, he took to the keyboard. "Attachment is not an abstract discipline of psychology," he wrote, "it is the essence of human relationships. It manifests itself in the eye contact between parent and child, in the comfort of a hug and in the quiet security that comes from unconditional acceptance. It is the bridge between science and humanity." He paused, his fingers hovering over the keys. His mind wandered to the countless studies he had analyzed - studies that had proven that secure attachments promoted not only the psychological but also the physical health of a child. A child who felt loved and secure not only developed better stress management strategies, but was also less susceptible to chronic illness.

But Erik knew that it was not enough to present parents with scientific facts. It was about giving them tools that they could use in their everyday lives. He began to formulate concrete examples: the importance of skin-to-skin contact in the first months of life, the power of routines that gave a child a sense of stability, and the small but profound gestures of appreciation that shaped a child in fundamental ways.

Erik thought of Emma. Would she find the courage to trust her intuition in the coming weeks and months? Would she understand that in her moments of affection, holding, comforting and laughing, she was laying the foundations for her child's whole life? He was confident. Because every mother and every father, whether consciously or unconsciously, carried the seed of unconditional love within them. And it was precisely this love that was the power.

Chapter 2: The early years - The silent art of growing

In the early years of a child's life, time is more than just the continuous passing of hours. It becomes a dense fabric of countless experiences that is indelibly imprinted on the child's being. For Emma, this phase was not only an external challenge, but also a journey into her own inner world.

Shortly after Tom was born, she realized that the image of motherhood portrayed in books and guides was only an idealized version of reality. The reality was more intense, sometimes painfully honest and always demanding. But in the midst of all these challenges, there were moments of pure joy - moments when she felt that every effort made sense.

The first year - A network of bonds

Tom's first few months were characterized by a constant search for closeness. When Emma held him in her arms for the first time, she was filled with a deep sense of awe. The little creature in her hands seemed so fragile, and yet she sensed an unexpected strength in him - a strength that lay in his very existence.

"He needs me, but I need him just as much," Emma often thought in the quiet moments of the night as she rocked Tom to sleep. These early moments were more than just acts of care - they were the beginning of a fine, invisible bond that connected the two of them.

It wasn't always easy. The sleeplessness sapped her strength and there were nights when she wondered if she was doing enough for him. But in one of these moments of exhaustion, she had a conversation with Erik that opened up new perspectives for her.

A conversation with Erik - The art of presence

Emma was sitting in Erik's cozy study. The smell of freshly brewed tea filled the room, while a soft light illuminated the bookshelves. She felt exhausted and at the same time grateful to be here.

"I feel like I'm constantly reaching my limits," she confessed quietly. "Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing the right thing."

Erik smiled sympathetically and leaned forward slightly. "Emma, there's no such thing as perfect parenting. What a child really needs is not perfection, but authenticity and a reliable presence. If Tom senses that you are there even in the difficult moments, he learns that the world is safe despite all the challenges."

Emma let the words sink in. She felt some of the pressure inside her ease.

"But what about my doubts?" she asked hesitantly.

"Doubts are part of the process," Erik replied. "They show that you're reflecting and trying to do your best. Children learn not only through beautiful moments, but also through conflict and overcoming difficulties - as long as they are accompanied by love and respect."

Tom's growth - the joy of small steps

When Tom began to take his first steps, Emma experienced a flood of emotions. On the one hand, she was full of pride as she watched him carefully put one foot in front of the other. On the other hand, she felt a quiet melancholy, as each step symbolized a bit of letting go.

One afternoon, Tom was standing in the living room, shakily holding on to the edge of the sofa. Emma knelt on the floor a few steps away and stretched out her arms. "Come to me, Tom," she said gently, her heart pounding with excitement.

Tom looked at her with wide, trusting eyes. He hesitated, but then let go of the edge of the sofa and took an unsteady step towards her. At that moment, Emma felt an overwhelming warmth - a feeling that went far beyond simple pride. It was a deep awareness that she was witnessing an important milestone in her son's life.

After Tom fell into her arms, he laughed happily. Emma held him tightly and felt his little heart pounding with excitement. She kissed him gently on the forehead and whispered: "You're great, little one." At that moment, she knew that it wasn't just about guiding Tom's steps, but giving him the confidence that he could walk on his own - literally and figuratively.

Mealtimes - a tough struggle for autonomy

While the first steps were moments of pure joy, mealtimes presented a completely different challenge. It had almost become the norm for Tom to look skeptically at the meals Emma prepared, often responding with a firm "no".

Emma had initially tried to offer him varied and healthy meals. But Tom showed a strong desire to decide for himself what he wanted to eat. One day, after standing in the kitchen for a long time, she proudly placed a plate of steamed vegetables and potatoes in front of him. Tom only glanced at it briefly, crossed his arms and shook his head. "Banana," he said firmly.Emma felt frustration rising inside her. She had hoped that he would at least try what she had cooked. Inside her, she struggled with the impulse to talk some sense into him - after all, it was important that he ate different foods. But then she remembered Erik's words: "It's not about children always doing what we want. It's much more important that they learn to make their own decisions and feel listened to."

She took a deep breath, knelt down to Tom and said calmly: "I understand that you'd rather eat a banana today. But maybe you could at least try a small piece of potato?" To her surprise, Tom nodded after a moment's hesitation and actually took a bite. Emma smiled inwardly. It wasn't a victory over him, but a joint effort to find solutions - a small step towards mutual understanding.

The evening ritual - a window into the soul

Every evening ended with a fixed ritual: Emma and Tom sat together on his bed, snuggled up under a warm blanket, and read a book together. Afterwards, Emma talked to him about the day.

"What made you happy today?" she asked gently as she stroked his hair.

"That I can walk," Tom replied proudly, looking at her with shining eyes.

"That really is something very special," Emma replied and kissed him on the cheek. "And was there anything that made you sad?"

Tom thought for a moment and then lowered his eyes. "When I fell down."

Emma nodded sympathetically. "That hurts sometimes, doesn't it? But you know what I think is great? You got up again and tried again."

These evening conversations had a deeper meaning for Emma. They were not only a way to reflect on the day together, but also a way to help Tom better understand and express his emotions. Studies show that children who learn to talk about their feelings at an early age are better able to deal with stress and conflict later on.

For Emma, these conversations were also a window into Tom's soul - a moment of closeness in which she not only heard his words, but also felt what moved him

Erik as a confidant - the importance of a reliable conversation partner

In the months that followed, the exchange with Erik became an important source of support for Emma.

---ENDE DER LESEPROBE---