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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
The only trauma-informed curriculum designed to turn men into great dads
Amazing Dads Fatherhood Curriculum teaches fathers with kids of all ages to become exceptional parents. These detailed lessons meet dads where they are, starting from the common tendencies of male socialization to help explain key concepts of healthy fathering. Through a trauma-informed approach, this curriculum creates safety in the group setting while delving into critical topics that fathers simply do not tend to talk about with people in their lives.
Unlike other fatherhood curricula, Amazing Dads addresses a breadth of topics, empowering men to discuss issues like family of origin, sexuality, how punishment can turn into abuse, self-care, and how toxic messages in the culture can hinder parent-child relationships. Each session incorporates grounding and breathing exercises, in addition to activities, exercises, and experiential opportunities that allow participants to connect with the material on a meaningful level. By the end of this course, fathers will have gained the increased self-awareness needed to enhance their relationships with their children and other family members.
- Lead fathers through a curriculum of targeted lessons focused on how male socialization affects their parenting
- Guide participants through exercises for developing relational, communication, and conflict resolution skills
- Connect with dads on a meaningful level by creating a safe space for discussions of trauma and other difficult subjects
- Explain important parenting concepts using examples, hands-on activities, and more
This curriculum is excellent for use in parenting groups, behavioral health treatment programs, addiction treatment programs, and other community-based programs serving fathers. Dads of all backgrounds, with kids of all ages, will benefit from the wisdom in Amazing Dads Fatherhood Curriculum.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
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Table of Contents
Cover
Table of Contents
Series Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgments
CHAPTER 1: Research and Theory
Male Socialization
Values‐Based Paradigm
A Trauma‐Informed Fatherhood Curriculum
Male Socialization and Trauma
Men with Trauma: What Happens Next?
Why Focus on Fathers?
“It’s not Trauma”
Toxic Water and Traumatic Stigmatization
Healing Fathers’ Trauma
Conscious Masculinity and Conscious Fatherhood
CHAPTER 2: Facilitating the
Amazing Dads!
Program
Toxic Water
Supporting Conscious Masculinity and Conscious Fatherhood
Structure and Content of the Program
The Facilitator Philosophy
The Facilitator
Creating and Maintaining a Safe Container
The Healing Journey for Facilitators
Supervision and Facilitator Self‐care
Facilitating the Program
Surface to Depth
Five Relational Postures
The Sessions
Facilitator Notes and Suggested Dialogue
Timing
Components of the Sessions
The Different Learning Styles
Organizational Considerations
The Workbook
Conclusion
REFERENCES
FACILITATOR SURVEY: Request for your feedback after facilitating
Amazing Dads!
MEETING 1: Engaging the Father Within
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Introductions – 15 minutes
Orientation to Program & Group Agreements – 20 minutes
Grounding and Relaxation Exercises – 15 minutes
Expectations – What Do You Want to Get Out of This Group? – 15 minutes
Group Discussion: What Is Fatherhood? – 35 minutes
Commitment to Conscious Fatherhood – 5 minutes
Check‐Out – 10 minutes
Assignments & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 2: The Man Rules
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In Process – 20 minutes
OPTIONAL: Outside Check‐In
Mini‐Lecture: The Water – 10 minutes
Activity: The Man Rules – 40 minutes
Activity: Components of Healthy Fathering – 15 minutes
Activity: Subgroup Discussions – 20 minutes
Closing Thoughts on the Rules
Check‐Out – 10 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 3: Toxic Water
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Lecture: The Toxins in The Water – 25 minutes
Check‐In Scale Introduction: What's Your Number? – 5 minutes
Small Group Discussion: The Shoes of Another – 30 minutes
Large Group Discussion: Cleansing The Water – 30 minutes
Check‐Out – 10 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
For Facilitators: Prompts for Shoes of Another Exercise
MEETING 4: Dads and Trauma: Breaking the Cycle
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In
–
15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Interactive Lecture: What Is Trauma?
–
20 minutes
Interactive Lecture: Dads and Trauma
–
35 minutes
Activity: The Colors of Life
–
25 minutes
Check‐Out
–
10 minutes
Exercise: Five Senses Mindfulness
–
10 minutes
Assignment & Close
–
5 minutes
MEETING 5: Making the Connections – Mental Health, Addiction, and Trauma
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Lecture: Adverse Childhood Experiences – 25 minutes
Mini‐Lecture: Mental Health and Addiction – 5 minutes
Small Group Activity: Let’s Get Real – 35 minutes
Activity: Juggling My Life – 25 minutes
Check‐Out – 10 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 6: Feelings… Nothing More than Feelings
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Mini‐Lecture: Men and Feelings – 5 minutes
Mini‐Lecture: The Anger Funnel – 15 minutes
Activity: Digging Deeper and Sharing Feelings – 50 minutes
Activity: A Picture of Anger – 15 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 7: Exploring Family Dynamics, Past and Present
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Activity: The Woman Rules – 15 minutes
Activity: Family Sculpture – 40 minutes
Discussion: Debriefing the Family Sculpture – 15 minutes
Activity: Creating Family of Origin Collage – 15 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 8: Father of Mine
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 10 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Activity: Sharing Family of Origin Collages – 15 minutes
Activity: Identifying Expectations for Fathers – 35 minutes
Subgroup Discussions: Relationships with Our Fathers – 35 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignments & Close – 10 minutes
MEETING 9: Mothers
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 10 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Activity: Reading Father Letters – 25 minutes
Optional Discussion with Any Dad Who Did Not Do the Letter/Project
Interactive Lecture: Mother Rules and Expectations – 30 minutes
Subgroup Discussions: Relationships with Our Mothers – 30 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignments & Close – 10 minutes
MEETING 10: Healthy Relationships Are for Us Too!
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 10 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Activity: Reading Letters to Mothers – 25 minutes
Interactive Lecture: Healthy Relationships – 15 minutes
Activity: Repairing – 45 minutes
Mini‐Lecture: Men, Trauma, and Relationships – 5 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignments & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 11: Communication Is Key
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Interactive Lecture: Men and Communication – 25 minutes
Lecture: PAR (Pause, Assess, Respond) – 20 minutes
Modeling Listening Skills – 10 minutes
Activity: Back‐to‐Back Drawing – 30 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignments & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 12: Let's Talk About Sex
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Activity: Sex and Feelings – 20 minutes
Interactive Lecture: Sexuality and Intimacy – 40 minutes
Activity & Discussion: What I Wish I had Known – 25 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignments & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 13: Let’s REALLY Talk About Sex
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 Minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Activity: Let’s Talk About Sex – 40 Minutes
Interactive Lecture: The Importance of Consent – 20 Minutes
Subgroup Activity: “The Sex Talk” – 30 Minutes
Check‐Out – 15 Minutes
Assignments & Close – 5 Minutes
MEETING 14: Men’s Health
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Interactive Lecture: What Is Wellness and Why Does It Matter? – 40 minutes
Subgroup Activity: My Physical Health – 30 minutes
Subgroup Activity: Creating a Plan for Your Wellness – 20 minutes
Check‐Out – 10 minutes
Assignments & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 15: Healthy Discipline
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Interactive Lecture: Defining Discipline – 15 minutes
Subgroup Discussions: Healthy Discipline – 25 minutes
Activity: Abuse and Discipline – 40 minutes
Mini‐Lecture: Stopping the Cycle – 5 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 16: The Art of Play
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Lecture: The Importance of Play – 10 minutes
Large Group Discussion: How Do You Play? – 15 minutes
Subgroup Discussions: Teachable Moments – 35 minutes
Activity: Playtime! – 25 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 17: A Balancing Act
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Subgroup Discussions: Finding Balance – 35 minutes
Activity: Bullseye – 15 minutes
Activity: My Amazing Dad Action Plan – 35 minutes
Check‐Out – 15 minutes
Assignment & Close – 5 minutes
MEETING 18: Vision of Fatherhood
Pre‐meeting Notes and Prep
Meeting Overview and Suggested Timing
Check‐In – 15 minutes
Optional Outside Check‐In for Smaller Groups
Activity: Coat of Arms – 30 minutes
Activity: Coat of Arms Presentations – 30 minutes
Activity: Connections Made – 25 minutes
Check‐Out and Close – 20 minutes
End User License Agreement
Guide
Cover Page
Table of Contents
Series Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Acknowledgments
Begin Reading
REFERENCES
WILEY END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
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Praise for Amazing Dads!
“Amazing Dads! is a wonderful contribution and a long‐neglected focus. Unfortunately, until recently the important role of fathering was minimized in child development. The focus, and understandably so, was on the quality and type of attachment that unfolded between the mother and her child. But where did men fit into this equation? They do, we do. We also play a crucial role in helping our children develop a positive sense of self which includes feeling worthy of love, self‐acceptance and developing the self‐confidence necessary to have an honest and appropriate relationship to reality. This is where Dan and Harrison's program shines. They have developed a curriculum that invites and inspires men to explore their concepts and ideas about fathering and replace their old ideas with a new conscious fatherhood, in a safe and yet challenging group climate. In my opinion any man who experiences this incredible opportunity will discover new possibilities in the way they show up as fathers so that they can become the dad they deep down desire to be but may not have had the experiences or information necessary to develop that part of themselves.”
Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Clinical Director of the Institute for Optimal Recovery and Emotional SobrietyAuthor of the bestselling book about Emotional Sobriety, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety.
“Amazing Dads! is a much‐needed work that fills a clinical curriculum gap on this topic. A majority of literature, support groups, and resources focus on supporting mothers. However, the authors have created a group process for addressing fathers' unique needs, trauma, and challenges from both their families of origin and current family systems. This work also validates the incredible influence fathers have on their family and how they can connect and support each other in striving for wellness and healing.”
Sarah Allen Benton, LPC, LMHC, LCPC, AADCAuthor, Parents in Recovery: Navigating a Sober Family Lifestyle
“As a father of five living in recovery and an advocate for mental health and family well‐being, I cannot express enough the value and impact of Amazing Dads!, a groundbreaking curriculum developed by Dan Griffin and Harrison Crawford. This trauma‐informed program offers a beacon of hope and support for fathers navigating the complexities of parenthood amidst life's challenges.
“One of the most commendable aspects of Amazing Dads! is its utilization of psychosocial group techniques. By fostering a supportive and empathetic group environment, fathers are provided with a safe space to explore their experiences, emotions, and relationships. This approach not only promotes healing but also cultivates a sense of camaraderie and solidarity among participants, which is invaluable in breaking down the stigma surrounding men's mental health.
“Furthermore, Dan Griffin and Harrison Crawford's expertise in trauma‐informed care shines through in every aspect of this curriculum. By acknowledging and addressing the impact of trauma on fathers and their families, Amazing Dads! empowers individuals to heal, grow, and become the best version of themselves for their children. Facilitators will find the guides and tools easy to follow and appropriate for many practice settings.
“I wholeheartedly endorse Amazing Dads! as a transformative resource for fathers everywhere. Whether you're a new dad navigating the challenges of parenthood or a seasoned parent seeking support and guidance, this curriculum offers a roadmap for personal growth, healing, and ultimately, becoming the Amazing Dad your children deserve.”
Andrew Brown
Deputy Secretary for ProgramsKansas Dept for Aging & Disability Services
“As someone who has studied and advocated for fathers for decades, I’m very impressed with the trauma‐informed Amazing Dads! curriculum that Dan Griffin and Harrison Crawford have put together. For most dads, navigating the challenges of parenting along with everything that comes with being a man in our society is tough. But for dads who have suffered trauma in their lives, it’s even harder. I really appreciate Griffin and Crawford’s recognition that men do, indeed, experience trauma and that it often has a significant impact on our ability to be the fathers we truly want to be—and that our partner and kids need us to be. I wholeheartedly endorse this curriculum and am glad that it’s available for professionals, fathers, and their families.”
Armin Brott
Bestselling author of The Expectant Father and The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year.www.mrdad.com
“The act of giving is a precious, priceless and valuable gift that we can offer to others. The
Amazing Dads!
program is a perfect gift for men, fathers, and anyone who works with them, as it provides incredible exercises to help men overcome the challenges of life. These exercises offer a detailed guide on how to move forward and find hope in difficult times. As a dad, a professional social worker, and a leader in fatherhood initiatives globally, I found immense gratitude in using these simple yet powerful exercises. Through exercises like “Palms Up, Palms Down,” I learned to visualize my difficulties and set them aside for a moment with hope and understanding. The curriculum is filled with opportunities to give men hope for a better life through the easy‐to‐apply program created by the authors. This is a must‐read for anyone looking to inspire men or dads to overcome life’s challenges with hope and resilience!”
Dr. James C. Rodríguez, MSW
President & Chief Executive OfficerFathers and Families Coalition of America
FACILITATOR’S GUIDE Amazing Dads! Fatherhood Curriculum
Dan Griffin
Harrison Crawford
Copyright © 2024 Dan Griffin and Harrison Crawford.All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.
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Acknowledgments
The process of creating Amazing Dads! has been a wonderful, challenging, thought‐provoking growth experience for us. We set out on this journey with a clear goal in mind: to help the countless fathers out there who desire to become the very best fathers they can be by offering them a safe container within which they are able to share their truths, experiences, fears, and triumphs with other fathers. Building a program to meet this goal certainly fit the cliché of a “labor of love.” We poured our hearts and souls into this work, and in doing so we were blessed to have a great deal of support.
First and foremost, we want to thank our families. Dan would like to thank his amazing wife, Nancy, who has been an incredible support as he has grown personally and professionally through this work and all of the work he has done over the years. From the first book he published, to leaving his job, to having to juggle a demanding career and being a "single" mom while Dan traveled and worked late hours on this project ‐ she never wavered in her support. This work has also challenged Dan to continue to do his own personal work and Nancy has always created space for that. Her uncensored feedback about the curriculum and the various ideas we were considering was very valuable. Dan would also like to thank his daughter, Amazing Grace. She is the catalyst for all of his work with and for fathers. She has been one of Dan's greatest teachers and it has been his complete honor and privilege to be her father, as imperfectly as he has done it he has tried to do it consciously one day at a time, for the past fourteen years and hopefully many more years to come.
Harrison would like to thank his incredible wife, Jenna, for her unwavering support and positivity throughout the writing, piloting, editing, and publishing processes. Harrison dedicated countless hours to this project and Jenna frequently carried the load of parenting their two children, Grayson and Kinsley, during times Harrison was locked in his office writing, editing, on calls, and more. Jenna has always been a cheerleader for this work and Harrison’s passion for improving the lives of fathers, as well as his own pursuit of being a more conscious father. Harrison would also like to thank Grayson and Kinsley for their patience, understanding, and support for this project. They have grown up quite a bit over the course of this work and have continued to be an inspiration to Harrison to work at being an Amazing Dad himself.
We would like to express our thanks and gratitude to the individuals and organizations that understood the value in this project and agreed to support Amazing Dads! by piloting the curriculum within their programs. There were numerous pilot sites that helped us craft the best possible curriculum through their commitment, feedback, passion, and willingness to engage with us in phone calls and debriefs over the course of multiple months at a time. We will address them in the order they conducted their pilots, starting with our first site.
We would like to thank Bridges, Inc. in Sacramento, California and specifically John Weisner for being the first group to pilot Amazing Dads!. The feedback obtained from that first pilot run was instructive in how we could take the first iteration of the curriculum and build it into the program it is today.
We would also like to thank the Helen Ross McNabb Center in Knoxville, Tennessee with special thanks to Sara Gibson Hillon and Lauren Lindback for being the facilitators during the pilot. Their contributions and feedback helped guide Amazing Dads! even further toward the end goal of being the first truly trauma‐informed curriculum for fathers. Additional recognition needs to be given to others who were instrumental in the McNabb Center pilot, including Katie Singer and Sarah Long, who helped bring the pilot to fruition.
Next, we would like to thank Catholic Charities of Thompson/Tioga County in Ithaca, New York. In conjunction with Ithaca Family Treatment Court and Judge John C. Rowley, we were able to identify fathers who were participating in the Family Treatment Court program who were willing to engage in the Amazing Dads! pilot. We are incredibly grateful for those fathers, as well as the co‐facilitators of that pilot, Tommy Miller and Gale Smith. Tommy and Gale were wonderful to work with and so committed to the success of the fathers they serve that this pilot was a great success. Through the feedback we got in this pilot, we were able to improve the cultural inclusion and cultural awareness of the curriculum as a whole and the degree to which it is truly trauma informed. Tommy and Gale gave their time generously to our project, and fully invested themselves in facilitating Amazing Dads!. We cannot thank them enough.
Our final pilot site was Terros Health, in Mesa Arizona. Harrison had the great fortune of being able to facilitate the curriculum at Terros Health himself, along with an excellent co‐facilitator, Joseph Van Zant. This was an incredibly important experience and provided a unique opportunity to the authors for firsthand experience with running the program. It would not have been a possibility without the commitment of Nathan Lamberth and Amanda Chavez, both of whom assisted in getting approvals and taking care of logistics needed to make the pilot a reality. Joseph Van Zant was a wonderful co‐facilitator, and his feedback and insights were beneficial to moving this project to its final form.
We also want to acknowledge the tremendous contribution that Children and Family Futures played as a resource to us during our piloting phase, specifically, Nancy Young, Theresa Mages‐Lamus, and Alexis Balkey. Their willingness to assist us in locating pilot sites and programs was instrumental in providing us with quality partners to pilot the curriculum and subsequently make valuable improvements.
Lastly, we want to thank anybody who reads and uses this curriculum, and more broadly all people who dedicate themselves to helping fathers. There are countless individuals and organizations who contribute meaningfully to men and fathers with the aim of improving their lives. We are inspired by the commitment, passion, and determination shown by so many, and hope that this Amazing Dads! curriculum adds another tool to the toolbox to be used in that noble pursuit.
CHAPTER 1Research and Theory
This chapter provides an overview of the research that was used to guide and support the creation of the Amazing Dads! curriculum. Each of the building blocks of this program will be briefly discussed: the influence that male socialization has on boys and men, the fundamentals of trauma‐informed care, the importance of father‐responsive services, and the impact that various systems have on fathers. The authors of this program strongly encourage facilitators to continue expanding their knowledge in these areas as that will greatly serve them in further improving their skills when working with fathers. This chapter is not intended to be exhaustive in its description of these areas, but rather to offer a window into these topics while encouraging continued exploration on the part of those facilitating the program.
Male Socialization
The exploration of cultural and societal influences on how boys and men are socialized throughout the life span is the keystone concept for the Amazing Dads! program. Coupled with the importance of understanding trauma and the impact of trauma on men and boys, the ability to view fatherhood from the perspective of male socialization is critical to effectively facilitating the curriculum. The reason this is critical is that the path to creating a safe, trusting, and open environment for fathers (or boys and men in general) requires an ability to address the concept of male socialization in a therapeutic, strengths‐based, and solution‐focused manner.
Perhaps the most important concepts to consider are those of gender and sex. Sex refers to whether one is considered biologically male, female, or intersex. Gender is a social construct in which specific messages are given to people regarding acceptable behaviors and characteristics. The role of gender varies from culture to culture and even within cultures and is impacted by many other factors: socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, and sexual orientation to name only a few.
Understanding that gender is a social construct, it is important to recognize that masculinity and femininity come with culturally informed “rules.” Dan Griffin’s work on “The Man Rules,” as well as recognition of “The Woman Rules,” is the lens through which this socialization is explored throughout the Amazing Dads! curriculum. What is important to stress in Griffin’s work is why they are called “rules.” There is little to no choice involved in the creation of these gender rules or in the pressure to adhere to them. The reward for following the rules is: acceptance and even safety which creates an incredible unconscious connection to the rules. Boys are not introduced to the rules and offered choices about which ones they want to adhere to. The younger they are when the Rules first get imposed upon them, the less autonomy they likely feel to push back on detrimental ones. The Man Rules simply become part of their experience of the world versus something they feel that they have agency over.
The idea of gender‐based “rules” for men and women is a cross‐cultural phenomenon. Not only do we observe various sets of “Man Rules” across the globe in different cultures (admittedly with nuances specific to each culture), but there are themes that are ubiquitous. Some of the more detrimental themes we can observe cross‐culturally are related to masculine norms and trauma:
“From ancient allegories to current pop culture, one consistent theme in male heroism is that of sacrifice and resilience in the face of adversity. Across history, geographies, and cultures, pervasive narratives idealize men who experience traumatic events and can endure hardship, suffering, and physical and/or psychological violence. Historically, the male body and mind have often been considered expendable, and men have been expected to be strong, tough, and defenders of honor. As such, male violence and subsequent trauma have always been, and continue to be, woven into the fabric of masculinity and humanity.”
(Slegh et al. 2021)
Recognition of the connection between male socialization and trauma is hugely important and needs to be a significant driver of how services are developed, marketed, and implemented with male populations. It is this recognition that drove us to develop the Amazing Dads! program to address the often‐overlooked needs of dads.
Values‐Based Paradigm
There are different models for service delivery. The one that informs this curriculum is called Values‐Based Services. There are six foundational components to this particular iteration of the model developed by Dan Griffin. See the following for a brief description of each:
Gender‐responsive:
Services and systems that are created to respond to an individual’s unique needs and issues based on their gender conditioning, particularly, but not solely, within the binary of masculine and feminine. Creating a space for all gender expressions and identities is an essential part of gender‐responsive services.
Trauma‐informed:
Understanding that the phenomenon and experience of trauma is a universal experience and must be taken into consideration at all levels of a program.
Culturally humble:
While the terms cultural competence and cultural responsivity are often used, when it comes to trauma‐informed systems the preferred term is cultural humility. The main difference is the focus on becoming knowledgeable about another’s culture and lived experience by listening to them, being a witness to their story, and helping to create a space for them to explore.
Recovery‐oriented:
It is so easy to focus on the problem when dealing with addiction and mental health needs, so recovery‐oriented services mean that providers and the system focus on recovery from the very beginning and throughout the entire treatment process. This should be infused throughout the whole treatment process, from the language that is used in services (“substance use disorder” instead of “substance abuse” and “recovery maintenance” instead of “relapse prevention”) to the focus on recovery and strengths in the discharge process.
Spiritually enriched:
The focus is on connection and community. While it may include religious beliefs and practices it does not have to. The primary focus is that one is able to connect to a reality bigger than themselves and find practices and beliefs that support their living in community, however, that looks for them.
Family centric:
No individual is raised in a vacuum and their caregivers and the environment(s) in which they live have profound impacts on their experiences, their identities, and their lives as a whole. This also recognizes that people exist in family systems throughout the life span, so family‐centric services are part of a whole‐person approach to treatment.
This paradigm takes a holistic approach to working with dads by recognizing the differences, uniqueness, and complexities that each individual participant possesses. Using the approach outlined earlier is designed to improve the engagement and outcomes for participants, no matter what they are entering services to achieve.
A Trauma‐Informed Fatherhood Curriculum
Knowledge of the impact of trauma has grown exponentially in recent decades, expanding understanding of how pervasive it is while also being a very individualized experience. Along with this increase in knowledge and awareness has come the recognition that providers of all types (doctors, nurses, therapists, social workers, child welfare workers, teachers, principals, and probation/parole officers, among others) need to consider the work they do from a “trauma‐informed” lens.
Trauma‐informed care (TIC) refers to an approach in healthcare (and other arenas) that acknowledges the pervasiveness of trauma in the population, recognizes the signs and symptoms of trauma in all participants in the healthcare system (patients/clients, families, caregivers, staff/employees), uses knowledge of trauma and best practices to improve policies and organizational processes, and takes an active role in avoiding re‐traumatization of those interacting within the system (Center for Healthcare Strategies, 2022). A TIC approach assumes that anyone within the care system may have experienced trauma, so everyone needs to be approached therapeutically and helped to feel safe in all interactions and environments. In addition, TIC does not apply only to interactions with healthcare consumers and employees but to the healthcare environments themselves: things like the layout of waiting rooms and patient rooms, literature and media visible in the environment, and training and support provided to non‐clinical staff such as receptionists and security personnel.
The principles guiding Amazing Dads! are not just trauma‐informed principles, they are the principles of male trauma‐informed care, created by Griffin and Fallot and further expounded upon in the unpublished article by Fallot, Bebout, Griffin, and Dauer. While Fallot and Harris first identified five principles for TIC, and then SAMHSA identified six, the principles of male trauma‐informed care developed by Fallot and Griffin highlighted a need for specific attention to be given to mutual responsibility and compassion as part of a TIC approach specifically working with male‐identified individuals. Coming up, you will find a brief description of each principle along with examples, as well as descriptions of how the Amazing Dads! program incorporates each principle.
The following section explores SAMHSA’s six principles while also incorporating the two additional principles from male trauma‐informed care.
Components of TIC (Center for Healthcare Strategies, 2022; & SAMHSA, 2014):
Safety
:
Throughout the organization, patients and staff feel physically and psychologically safe.
Organize the environment to promote a sense of safety and calm, as best you can. From waiting areas, to security measures, to how people are greeted, the environment itself contributes to safety, either promoting it or detracting from it.
Develop consistency in your approach to dads you work with. Consistency can be making sure that you start and end each interaction in a similar way. Consistency gives them a sense of safety in knowing what to expect from their interactions with you.
Take opportunities to connect with the dad and build rapport and a relationship outside of being solely task oriented.
Teach practical skills to the dads in order to help them develop a repertoire of self‐regulation skills such as grounding and relaxation.
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses safety:
Safety is discussed right from the beginning in the first
Amazing Dads!
meeting and throughout the entire curriculum. Safety is framed as emotional and psychological safety in addition to physical safety, and we utilize the previous recommendations throughout. We developed a “safety check in” for every meeting as well when the men give a number from one to five indicating how safe they feel in the group.
Trustworthiness and transparency
:
Decisions are made with transparency, and with the goal of building and maintaining trust.
As a professional, it is important to model trustworthiness to the dads. It is possible that the dads have not had trusting experiences with professionals, so being a model of trustworthiness, partly through your transparency, is a way to build that relationship.
Hold yourself to the same standards you hold the dads with whom you work.
Offer insight and explanations of the “why” of things whenever possible.
Clearly communicate any program expectations.
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses trustworthiness and transparency:
Developing trust is a key emphasis of the
Amazing Dads!
program. Transparency is evidenced by consistency in the meeting structure, obtaining verbal commitments from the fathers at key points, and clear communication of the goals of each meeting.
Peer support
:
Individuals with shared experiences are integrated into the organization and viewed as integral to service delivery.
Tap into resources you may already have – create an alumni group of dads who have completed your program.
Seek opportunities to have multiple dads meet, connect, and share experiences, especially in small groups. It can be incredibly powerful to help the dads recognize that others are going through similar circumstances.
Encourage dads to check in on one another between meetings. Help them develop an ethic of supporting one another.
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses peer support:
Amazing Dads!
facilitates a cohesive group environment where the participating dads can support one another through their lived experiences. There are many opportunities throughout the curriculum for the participants to provide feedback to one another, support one another through pain and in their growth, and create an environment where all participants know they are not alone in their journey to become the best fathers they can be. The curriculum also does something that many do not by using small groups where the men are able to have an even more intimate connection with one another, something challenging for so many men.
Collaboration and mutuality
:
Power differences – between staff and clients and among organizational staff – are leveled to support shared decision‐making.
Avoid shaming or blaming the dads for mistakes and missteps.
Give the dads opportunities to collaborate with one another in smaller groups.
Whenever possible, avoid being directive or prescriptive. Give the dads freedom to choose what works best for them versus telling them what they need to do.
Utilize calculated and appropriate self‐disclosure, taking into consideration the setting and working relationship you have with the dads.
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses collaboration and mutuality:
Amazing Dads!
participants are recognized as experts in their own lives. The fathers drive the decisions they make and how they choose to utilize the information, resources, and tools that are provided in the
Amazing Dads!
program. The program does not take a prescriptive approach, instead encouraging the fathers to determine how to be the best fathers – and men – they can be.
Empowerment, voice, and choice
:
Patient and staff strengths are recognized, built on, and validated – this includes a belief in resilience and the ability to heal from trauma.
Maintain a programmatic culture that highlights how the dads are experts in their own lives. In areas where you are the expert, take an approach of being a guide versus being a director of what the dads “should” do.
Work with the dads to identify their own goals for completion of your program, separate from any mandatory goals that may be imposed on them.
Give the dads the opportunity to drive processes. Ask questions such as “How would you like to proceed?” or “What would you like to start on?”
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses empowerment, voice, and choice:
The
Amazing Dads!
program takes a strengths‐based approach by encouraging the fathers to use internal and external resources already at their disposal (e.g., internal: desire for change and external: supports they may have from people in their lives). The approach in this program is that of a guide and of offering information and insight. It is non‐directive and non‐prescriptive. We recognize that lasting change comes from offering dads information that they can use and fit into their own personal circumstances.
Cultural, historical, and gender issues
:
Biases and stereotypes (e.g., based on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, and geography) and historical trauma are recognized and addressed.
Practice cultural humility, seeking to empathize with the dads versus making assumptions about their experiences. Show curiosity and compassion toward the dads’ life experiences and perspectives.
Whenever possible, give the dads opportunities to consider perspectives different from their own.
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses cultural, historical, and gender issues:
An entire meeting is devoted to discussion of the toxicity that comes with biases and stereotypes along with a discussion of historical and intergenerational trauma. Facilitators of this curriculum are strongly encouraged to develop awareness of their own biases and respond accordingly to avoid those biases creeping into their facilitation. There are many opportunities for the dads to hear experiences of others who are different from them.
Mutual responsibility:
Each participant in the relationship is responsible to themselves and the other, in equal measure, and regardless of any structural power differences.
This goes beyond holding one party accountable and emphasizes that the dads AND facilitator(s) are responsible for their own roles and accountable to each other. This helps mitigate the inherent power imbalances.
Accountability is important and something to emphasize but place extra emphasis on how you plan to be accountable to the dads, not just how the dads are expected to be accountable as participants.
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses mutual responsibility:
Facilitators are repeatedly encouraged to complete many of the activities that are part of the
Amazing Dads!
program to improve their ability to help the dads explore the content. At multiple points in the program, facilitators highlight how the dads are asked to be responsible to one another, to the facilitators, and to their children. Facilitators also repeatedly emphasize their own accountability to the dads.
Compassion
:
Exercise compassion toward the experiences of all dads who enter services. Recognize that each dad has strengths that can be drawn upon to make positive changes. Model compassion for them so they can begin to hold compassion for themselves.
Hold unconditional positive regard for the dads you interact with and emphatically accept them for who they are versus who you or others want them to be.
Emphasize that behaviors do not define the man while still clarifying that certain behaviors are not okay (e.g., abusive behaviors directed at themselves or others).
Remember that compassion is not the same as collusion.
Showing compassion for dads who may not have experienced it much can go a long way to building safety in the relationship.
How
Amazing Dads!
addresses compassion:
The participants have numerous opportunities to practice self‐compassion through exercises like the loving‐kindness meditation, teaching self‐compassion. There are repetitive messages for the dads to focus on using the information in this program
consciously
versus having to be perfect dads, encouraging them to give themselves grace.
A core tenet of TIC is approaching others from the perspective of “What happened to you?” instead of “What is wrong with you?” This is especially important when working with participants to address any behaviors that may be harmful to them or others. “What happened to you?” is an acknowledgment that the participant’s previous experiences, especially traumatic experiences, are likely the drivers of any maladaptive behaviors or behavior patterns that the participant is engaging in. Recognizing that such behaviors are likely stemming from a trauma response is key to avoiding shaming and blaming dads, but rather it opens up opportunities to build trust and a therapeutic alliance with a dad which research shows is one of the most important determinants of good therapeutic outcomes (Ardito and Rabellino, 2011).
It is important to understand that a TIC approach that avoids blaming individuals for behaviors they have developed to cope with trauma does not encourage avoiding accountability or responsibility for one’s actions. Compassion and a therapeutic approach are not in conflict with accountability and responsibility. However, approaching participants with compassion will lend itself to a greater likelihood of real, positive behavioral change when coupled with offering participants needed skills and support to bolster their resilience.
In working to create a curriculum to effectively address the specific needs of fathers, the authors recognized that a trauma‐informed approach was a necessity. Individuals socialized to being boys and men experience, express, and recover from trauma differently than those socialized to be girls and women. This means that fathers also have different experiences of trauma than mothers – not better or worse, but different. As a result, this program was designed to account for the trauma experienced by many of the fathers who will participate. Anyone facilitating this program should approach interactions with the assumption that each participant has a trauma history. This assumption of trauma history is part of actively avoiding retraumatizing the participants. This is particularly important when it comes to men and understanding that men are conditioned not to recognize their experiences as trauma nor to talk about them in any way that recognizes the incredible pain connected to them.
Male Socialization and Trauma
One of the more sobering realities that gets explored in this curriculum is just how entrenched trauma is in the process of socialization of young boys and men. Most often it is not whether boys experienced trauma as part of learning the Man Rules, but how traumatic that learning was to them. Multiple meetings within the curriculum address how the Man Rules are ingrained into young boys through traumatic means.
When babies are born, there are no differences between male‐identified babies and female‐identified babies in terms of their ability to emote, their desire for connection and attachment, their desire for intimacy and nurturing, and their ability to be close to others. In fact, there is recent research showing that baby boys and toddler boys show significantly more emotionality than girls on multiple measures. And yet, as this program explains in detail, these characteristics are frequently devalued in boys from an early age. Boys and young men continuously receive messages that tear at fabric of this natural instinct to connect and seek intimacy via media (TV, movies, the Internet), peers, parents, and society at large. Each time boys do not live up to the expectations society identifies for “real men,” the resulting shame builds and builds, “like dust on the soul, dimming [their] zest for life” (Lyme et al., 2008). Shame is an incredibly powerful driver of boys’ and men’s behavior, almost never in healthy, adaptive ways. The repeated shaming that boys experience when being taught to navigate their worlds as “real men” is traumatic in its own right, but so often compounded by additional traumatic circumstances and events.
Of equal importance to note is how the socialization of young boys and men decreases the likelihood that they will admit to having experienced trauma and seek services or support to address it:
The connection between heroism and masculinity encourages men and boys to either cope with their vulnerabilities and traumas as trophies of manhood or act as though they did not happen. Social expectations of manhood to be strong, in control, and stoic define the responses of boys and men experiencing trauma. Loss of power and control and feelings of vulnerability and weakness may injure the perception of male identity and generate feelings of humiliation and shame, among other responses. Men and boys who subscribe to these masculine norms may find it difficult to process emotions and vulnerability. Acting out, avoidance, or denying unwanted feelings and thoughts in response to traumatic experiences may serve to maintain the self‐image of “being a strong man.”
(Slegh et al., 2021)
Significant aspects of the epidemics of addiction (to sex, alcohol, and other drugs), violence, and depression among men and dads can be traced back to trauma and a desire to avoid acknowledging their trauma. That avoidance is often driven by their socialization to be “real men.” These are all topics that deserve specific attention, so facilitators are encouraged to explore them further outside of what is included in the Amazing Dads! materials.
Men with Trauma: What Happens Next?
When we recognize the prevalence of trauma in males, the next logical question is: how do we help? There is significant investment, education, and innovation needed in the mental health system’s ability to effectively support men, especially those who have experienced trauma. There are important discussions to be had about increasing access to services and emphasizing the need for services to address trauma specifically in boys and men. However, offering treatment services is not the entire story. Services should be intentionally designed with the needs of the target population in mind, versus utilizing a one‐size‐fits‐all approach.
Part of creating gender‐responsive programs and services for men involves exploring what men really need and desire. Decades ago, service providers and program developers seemingly made assumptions about what men needed, wanted to talk about, and what would benefit them most. Luckily, in the ensuing decades, we have recognized the importance of not simply making assumptions, but relying on men, dads, research, and experience to shine a light on what approaches tend to have better outcomes.
Any treatment approach must recognize that a man’s recovery, therapeutic progress, commitment, or whatever the desired outcome is, relies on honest acknowledgment that the men will be asked to go against much of what they were socialized to rely on for safety – the Man Rules. Griffin talks about this concept in much of his work pointing out that the Man Rules are effectively opposite of what we are asking men to do in therapy and the treatment process. Much of this “cognitive dissonance” is unconscious for men; if it is not pointed out to them explicitly it can easily be missed but greatly impact a man’s ability to fully engage in his healing, especially for the long term. “This is the dilemma: How can we teach men, who are socialized to be incapable of sustaining trust, that their only hope of relief is to trust and to allow themselves to become vulnerable with their peers… In essence, when men enter treatment, we are asking them to challenge the very core beliefs they have lived by” (Lyme et al., 2008). The simplified answer to this dilemma is that we can facilitate men thriving in treatment by utilizing a male trauma‐informed approach that places immense importance on developing safety through a gendered lens.
A male trauma‐informed approach to working with men and dads involves the recognition that shame, trauma, and the aversion to admitting either are ubiquitous. By asking them to trust your process, or your program’s process, you are asking them to place their trust in you. By consistently implementing the principles of male trauma‐informed care, you can help the men and dads you serve begin to develop trust in you, one another, and their own abilities to be the drivers of change.
Why Focus on Fathers?
There is a robust, and ever increasing, amount of research available that confirms the importance of a father’s involvement in the lives of his children from before their birth throughout the entire life span. Fathers have a significant impact on their children’s physical, emotional, social, and academic development, to name a few areas. The research on how a father’s absence from the lives of his children impacts them is stark: children are four times more likely to live in poverty, experience two times the infant mortality, have seven times the risk for teenage pregnancy, have twice the rate of obesity, and are twice as likely to drop out of school, just to name a few (National Fatherhood Initiative, 2019). The data are clear: positive father involvement in the lives of their children is something to be promoted and nurtured for the good of the children as well as larger society.
Sadly, there is still a great amount of negative rhetoric, bias, and even prejudice against fathers in the media, the legal system, and child welfare systems (CWS). When we consider media portrayals of fathers, all we need to do is look at TV dads in sitcoms and commercials to see how significantly biased, and even lazy, the media can be in their representations of fathers. While trends seem to be shifting, historically (and still currently) dads are portrayed on TV as bumbling, silly, aloof, or even incompetent. TV dads such as Al Bundy (Married with Children) and Tim Taylor (Home Improvement) are examples of ways to depict foolishness on the part of the dad in those TV families. Look at pretty much any father on a Disney show. The same is true for dads in commercials: frequently portrayed as incompetent when it comes to household tasks, taking care of the children, or relating to others, dads in commercials are often portrayed as clueless, detached, or needing their spouse to swoop in and save them with whatever task they are trying to accomplish (Byers, 2015).
Looking at the CWS specifically, “Child welfare agencies historically have focused on the relationship between mothers and their children. This institutional bias is supported by the fact that mothers are recognized as the primary caregivers/nurturers…” (Brooks, 2010). When mothers are the default caregivers in the CWS mindset and fathers are relegated to secondary status, that messaging comes through clearly and disincentivizes father involvement. Understand, that means this bias permeates the whole system – from the way fathers are viewed, to the images on office walls, to how fathers are greeted when they walk through an organization’s door, and the multitude of other infractions against dads. Less investment in involving fathers is a natural outcome of this mindset, despite the overwhelming research proving that father involvement has significant positive effects on the lives of their children. Fathers receive the message that their involvement is unnecessary, especially when they are non‐resident fathers (i.e., not living in the same household as their children), which are exactly the fathers who would benefit from more outreach, investment, and involvement. Many approaches can be tried to involve fathers more consistently and make them feel like they are part of the solution, but it requires shifting from the mother‐centric approach that CWS has employed for decades. This is not to imply that mothers’ needs should be ignored, but rather that both the mothers’ needs and the fathers’ needs should be valued and addressed. Recognizing that engaging fathers will require different approaches and resources is key to creating change.
When it comes to admitting to father bias in the legal system, there are numerous paths you can follow for answers. This document is not going to explore each avenue in the interest of being succinct. However, this is something worth continuing to research on your own as someone who works with fathers. For example, 92% of parents who are in prison are fathers. Mass incarceration of men, especially men of color, has impacted the fatherlessness epidemic as well and is a topic that deserves its own significant exploration and attention. Mass incarceration contributes to significant generational trauma and patterns that impact fatherlessness across life spans. Not only does it impact the experience of fathers, but the negative impacts of the resulting fatherlessness on children and families are significant (evidenced by the myriad statistics indicating detrimental impacts of father absence on their children).
“It’s not Trauma”
This is a common statement from our society: the classic refrain being “get over it.” But that message is much stronger for men than it is for women as it is woven so deeply into the framework of masculinity. The easiest way for a man not to have trauma is for him to simply look at his experiences and say: “It’s not trauma.” That, of course, does not change the fact of his experiences, but it does protect him from the inevitable pain of admitting to and looking at his own trauma. But what about the pain of not looking at it?
Men’s internal dialogue is not the only source of the, “It’s not trauma” message. It is very possible that men get that message from their caregivers, as boys and adolescents, when they attempt to talk with them about their experiences. They may hear it from others, even professionals who have not been trained effectively to deal with trauma. It does not have to be explicitly stated, either. Men’s trauma can just be ignored, glossed over, and minimized. Therapists who have not done their own work – or do not understand the complex interaction of gender and trauma – are great at that. The impact of racial trauma is so often missed if not ignored by therapists, especially white therapists, who have not been trained to ask the right questions or listen to the information their clients are giving them.
When men first begin to speak up about their experiences, especially if it relates to childhood trauma, they may encounter any number of different responses. There is the chorus of other men and women who have their own reactions to a man talking about trauma. Some are incredibly supportive. Of course, some men and women are going to respond with derision to a man talking about trauma. It may force them to confront their own trauma, or it may be a new experience to them, hearing a man discuss trauma, that they do not know what to do or how to respond. There is no question that women, who have also internalized the Man Rules, can fail to support a man in their life when he begins to share his pain and vulnerability.
What happens when a man reacts strongly to the idea of another talking about his pain? Well, it is quite simple and somewhat obvious. It is their shame. It is their voice inside of them telling them they will be perceived as inadequate and weak. It is their inability to acknowledge their own pain, their wounds. Terry Real says: “Repudiating the inner vulnerability that is made up of equal parts humanity and trauma, boys [and men] learn to punish in others what they dare not risk showing themselves.” These are not bad people; they are simply wounded people who are reacting to someone sharing honestly what you are not supposed to share honestly about. Either they look at their own experiences, or they deny yours.
So many men (and women) are walking around with such deep experiences of pain that they have denied acknowledging to themselves – because they have been told for so long, since very young, that their pain does not matter. The toxic culture of masculinity does not care about men’s pain. Pain is something to “get over” and “stop crying about” not something to acknowledge, not something to heal.
