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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
A 36-hour curriculum designed to help men overcome past trauma and develop the skills they need to live safe and caring lives
Healing Men's Pain Curriculum helpsmale-identified participants create a vision of the men they want to be and provides them with the awareness, tools, and confidence to achieve that vision. Each of the 18 two-hour, cofacilitated sessions includes activities, exercises, and experiential opportunities enabling each participant to connect with the content on a personal level. The program is wide-ranging and encompasses a variety of topics to help participants develop increased self-awareness to enhance their relationships. Participants explore their childhood, adolescent, and adult trauma; relational struggles, particularly issues of healthy attachment; and other issues that male-identified individuals often experience.
The material in Healing Men's Pain Curriculum will stretch both participants and facilitators alike. The sessions are designed to take a deep and comprehensive look at everything that blocks men from being the best men they can be. The curriculum speaks to all learning styles through the use of art, physical movement, and roleplays. Participants are given additional learning opportunities in the form of assignments to complete between sessions.
These assignments build upon the roleplays and in-session practice to help participants translate the material directly into their own lives.
- Help men address their traumas, develop self-awareness, and build healthier relationships in recovery programs, mental health groups, or other settings
- Pick and choose from 18 intentionally designed lessons—or use the entire curriculum in order
- Access engaging activities that get participants moving and talking despite diverse learning styles and backgrounds
- Focus on male socialization, narrative therapy, and interactive learning to help participants develop understanding of themselves and others
Written by an expert on masculinity with a Master's degree in gender studies, this curriculum is an excellent foundation or supplement to addiction programs, trauma groups, men's groups, church groups, and beyond. Designed as a compliment to Helping Men Recover.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
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Table of Contents
Cover
Table of Contents
Series Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
CONCLUSION
CHAPTER 1: What the Facilitator Needs to Know
Introduction
Why This Curriculum
Values‐based Paradigm
A Trauma‐informed Men's Curriculum
Male Socialization and Trauma
It's Not Trauma
Toxic Water and Traumatic Stigmatization
Healing Men's Trauma
Conscious Masculinity
CHAPTER 2: Facilitating the Program
Introduction
Toxic Water
Supporting Conscious Masculinity
Considerations for Facilitators
The Healing Journey for Facilitators
Surface‐to‐Depth Approach
Five Relational Postures
Creating and Maintaining a Safe Container
Facilitator Self‐care
Supervision
Fidelity to the Curriculum
Facilitator Notes and Suggested Dialogue
Timing
Check‐in
Breathing Exercise
Grounding/Resourcing Exercises
Lectures
Interactive Lectures
Small Group Breakouts
Activities
Debriefing
Check‐out
Follow‐up and Close
The Narrative Session Section
The Workbook
Considerations for Participants
Considerations for Organizations
Conclusion
HEALING MEN’S PAIN CURRICULUM
References
SESSION 1: Grounding and Safety
Session Overview
Introductions (12 minutes)
Read Selected Meditation (2 minutes)
Session Goals (1 minute)
Orientation to the Group, Distribution of Workbooks, and Group Agreements (25 minutes)
Interactive Lecture: Trauma, Wounds, and What Is Healing? (15 minutes)
The Safety Dance: Triggers and Being Triggered (5 minutes)
Debriefing (5 minutes)
Grounding and Safety Exercises (10 minutes)
Exploring Your Story Activity (20 minutes)
What Do You Want to Get Out of This Group? (10 minutes)
Follow‐up and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 2: The Man Rules: Don’t Let the Rules, Rule You
Session Overview
The Check‐in (10 minutes)
Getting Grounded Exercise (2 minutes)
Resourcing (3 minutes)
The Safety Check (3 minutes)
Read Selected Meditation (1 minute)
Session Goals (1 minute)
Mini Lecture: The Water (10 minutes)
The Man Rules (30 minutes)
What Does It Mean to Be on a Healing Journey? (20 minutes)
Small Group Discussions (30 minutes)
Grounding, Resourcing, and Safety Check (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (5 minutes)
Follow‐up and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 3: Toxic Water
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Getting Grounded Exercise (2 minutes)
Resourcing (3 minutes)
The Safety Check (3 minutes)
Read Selected Meditation (1 minute)
Session Goals (1 minute)
Mini Lecture: The Toxins in The Water (25 minutes)
Small Group Activity and Discussion – Walking in the Shoes of Another (30 minutes)
Large Group Discussion – (30 minutes)
Grounding, Resourcing, and Safety Check (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (5 minutes)
Follow‐up and Close (5 minutes)
For Facilitators: Prompts for Shoes of Another Exercise
SESSION 4: Creating Healthy Relationships
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Review (10 minutes)
Getting Grounded Exercise (2 minutes)
Resourcing (3 minutes)
The Safety Check (3 minutes)
Read Selected Meditation (1 minute)
Session Goals (1 minute)
Interactive Lecture: The Woman Rules (15 minutes)
Interactive Lecture: Healthy Relationships – 10 minutes
Outside‐Inside – Small Group Discussions (25 minutes)
Creative Activity: Men Inside and Out (35 minute)
Sharing of Boxes (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Follow‐up and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 5: Trauma: Facing Our Wounds
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Interactive Lecture: Part 1 – Overview of Trauma – 10 minutes
Interactive Lecture: Part 2 – Shame, Trauma, and The Man Rules (10 minutes)
Kinesthetic/Psychodrama (40 minutes)
Small Group Discussion – Examining Our Experience (20 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Exercise: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn
Definition of Trauma
SESSION 6: All In The Family
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Interactive Mini Lecture: Defining Healthy and Unhealthy Family Systems (10 minutes)
Family Systems, Trauma, and the Healing Journey (45 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Follow‐up Exercises
SESSION 7: Beneath The Surface
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
New Exercise – Progressive Muscle Relaxation (5 minutes)
Interactive Lecture: More Than Words/More Than a Feeling (40 minutes)
Creative Activity: Beneath The Surface Collage (25 minutes)
Creative Activity: Beneath The Surface Collage Small Group Discussion (15 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Follow‐up Exercises
Anger Funnel Exercise
The Anger Funnel Diagram
Beneath The Surface Collage
SESSION 8: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Attachment
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (3 minutes)
The Safety Check with Spectrogram Activity (3 minutes)
Mini Lecture: On Attachment (10 minutes)
Interactive Lecture: Identifying Primary Attachment Styles (20 minutes)
Kinesthetic Activity: Five Relational Positions (25 minutes)
Small Group Discussion (25 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Follow‐up Exercise
SESSION 9: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Safety
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Small Group Exercise: Feelings and Triggers (20 minutes)
Interactive Lecture and Role Play: The Man Rules and Relational Intimacy Dichotomy (40 minutes)
Mini Lecture: More on Safety (5 minutes)
The Safety Pledge (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
SESSION 10: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Violence
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Interactive Lecture: Abuse, Violence, Trauma, and Intimacy (30 minutes)
Small Group Discussion (35 minutes)
A Place of Peace: Relaxation and Visualization (10 minutes)
Kinesthetic Activity: Movement and Music (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Exercise
Responsibility Commitment
Stand For Peace
SESSION 11: The Man Rules, Intimacy, and Sex
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Interactive Lecture: Sex, The Man Rules, and Violence (30 minutes)
Small Group Exercise: Messages Matter (25 minutes)
Kinesthetic Activity: Walk The Line (20 minutes)
Healthy Sexuality (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Grounded Exercise (2 minutes)
Exercise and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 12: Growing Through Grief and Loss
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (3 minutes)
Developing Awareness of Grief and Loss (20 minutes)
Collage Activity (25 minutes)
Large Group Discussion (10 minutes)
Small Group Discussion: Grief and Loss Through Safety and Love (20 minutes)
Mini Lecture and Activity: Spirituality – Relationships and Forgiveness (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (5 minutes)
Exercise and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 13: Post‐traumatic Growth and Resilience
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Mini Lecture and Creative Activity: Post‐traumatic Growth (45 minutes)
Mini‐lecture and Large Group Discussion: Resilience and Masculinity (20 minutes)
Small Group Discussion: Recognizing Resilience (20 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Exercise and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 14: Breathing Under Water
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Interactive Large Group Discussion: Revisiting The Man You Want Be (25 minutes)
Small Group Discussion – The Man You Want To Be (20 minutes)
Integration Small Group Activity (20 minutes)
Come Together – Processing Small Group Discussions (20 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Exercise and Close (5 minutes)
Narrative Prep Section
SESSION 15: Writing Our Story
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Assignment Rewind (10 minutes)
Writing Our Story: The Power of Narratives and Healing Men’s Pain (10 minutes)
Writing Our Story: Beginning the Outline (30 minutes)
Activity: Motion and Emotion (5 minutes)
Small Group Discussion: Sharing Your Outline (30 minutes)
Writing Our Story: Continue Drafting Outlines (10 minutes)
The Check‐out (20 minutes)
Exercise and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 16: Deconstructing Our Story
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Deconstructing Our Story: Exploring Our Narratives and Healing Men’s Pain (50 minutes)
Large Group Discussion: Exploring Your Story (30 minutes)
Activity: Full Body Shake Up (5 minutes)
The Check‐out (15 minutes)
Exercise and Close (5 minutes)
SESSION 17: Reframing the Narrative: From Boys to Men
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (5 minutes)
The Man Rules – Revisited (10 minutes)
Small Group Discussion: The Man Rules Revisited (50 minutes)
Break with Activity: Music and Movement (5 minutes)
Small Group Discussion: Creating A Vision – The Man You Want To Be (20 minutes)
The Check‐out (20 minutes)
SESSION 18: Framing a Healing Journey
Session Overview
The Check‐in and Exercise Rewind (10 minutes)
Letters to The Editor – Messages of Resilience and Hope (45 minutes)
Grounding: Coming Home Visualization (5 minutes)
Music and Movement (5 minutes)
Integrating Our Stories (5 minutes)
The Man You Want to Be (45 minutes)
Exercise and Close (5 minutes)
End User License Agreement
Guide
Cover Page
Table of Contents
Series Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
CONCLUSION
Begin Reading
WILEY END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
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Endorsements for Healing Men’s Pain
“As the Founder of White Bison, an organization that provides culturally based programs, resources, and training that are geared towards recovery and prevention of alcohol and substance use, I am pleased to endorse Healing Men’s Pain. Our programs focus on healing from the impacts of intergenerational and historical trauma using cultural teachings. White Bison has been working with individuals, families, and communities for over 35 years. This curriculum is the only known example we have encountered that promotes intergenerational healing of men. This program is revolutionary for breaking the cycle and focusing on that root‐level, deep healing. We believe it will create a new generation of boys who will grow up to become good men, natural fathers, and committed citizens. White Bison wholeheartedly endorses Healing Men’s Pain.”
– Don Coyhis, FounderWhite Bison
“Perhaps just when we need it most, it’s here—a trauma‐informed, insight‐oriented, skill‐building interactive curriculum for men. Men, including young men, are struggling. Many are struggling to succeed in their profession, to discover purpose, or to find meaning in life. Struggling not to have to struggle. We battle demons of mind and matter. Beleaguered by anger, anxiety, and addictions. Depression and despair. Guilt and grief. And, as always, love and loss. Far too many men survive by alternating between enduring emotional pain and mindlessly pursuing soothing, yet self‐defeating pleasures. Fortunately, that doesn’t have to be the end of our stories. Remarkably, on the other side of despair men are resilient, recovering, and living life at their best. Healing Men’s Pain helps men get from here to there. It is turn‐by‐turn navigation for traveling alongside men as they courageously, yet safely, uncover, discover, and recover; as they rewrite their stories—as it was, as it might be, and most importantly, as it can be—now. The Man Rules creator, author Dan Griffin and Jonathan De Carlo have created what is sure to become an essential resource for anyone helping men heal. And not a moment too soon.”
– Terrence D. WaltonExecutive Director/Chief Executive OfficerNAADAC, the Association for Addiction Professionals
"I highly recommend “Healing Men’s Pain” for its targeted approach to the needs of male clients in behavioral health settings. The curriculum spans crucial topics such as “the man rules,” anger, shame, conflict, family dynamics, and societal roles, offering practical exercises for facilitators to engage clients in meaningful exploration and discussion.
The curriculum's strength lies in its blend of interactive elements and evidence‐informed content, drawing on the authors' expertise and personal insights. It is written inclusively, inviting all who are interested in the effects of traditional masculinity norms to gain from its lessons, though it is particularly beneficial for group settings with male participants.
For clinicians, this resource is a means to deepen their understanding of masculine‐specific issues and enhance their therapeutic skills, addressing a notable gap in behavioral health resources. Clients stand to gain a structured yet flexible framework for treatment that promotes healthier cognitive and emotional patterns.
In essence, Healing Men’s Pain is an essential addition to any behavioral health professional's toolkit who aims to support male clients on their journey to recovery. Its comprehensive approach and actionable guidance position it as a cornerstone text for facilitating effective and empathetic care.”
– David DawdyMental Health Director, Michigan Dept of Corrections
“Dan Griffin and Jonathan DeCarlo have created a container that holds every aspect of a man's life experience. What makes this work so effective is the respectful, compassionate and holistic way they allow and encourage each man to safely explore their personal experience. Insight and understanding is quickly transformed into daily and long term expressions of healthy personal and interpersonal growth.”
– Dr. Larry Anderson, Psy.D. L.P., nationally recognized expert on male trauma
“In 15 years of providing clinical leadership in addiction and mental health, I have never seen a treatment approach so well tailored to the multi‐generational pain that men experience. For those working on themselves and those providing care to men in need, you are doing a disservice if you don't include Dan Griffin and Johnathan DeCarlo's Healing Men's Pain in your treatment model. From practical, down‐to‐earth techniques that anyone can use in the same day to a more in depth and honest exploration of deeper pain, this guide gives you everything you need to walk with a man through the difficult journey of inner healing. The session on Toxic Water alone is the first I've seen that gives men an authentic and interactive encounter with how the toxic culture of masculinity relates to trauma. I strongly recommend Healing Men's Pain for the treatment of trauma‐related disorders, substance use disorders, and related mental health conditions.”
– Samson Teklemariam, LPC, CPTM ‐ Vice President of Clinical Services for Behavioral Health Group, LLC. and Southeast Regional Vice President for NAADAC, the Association of Addiction Professionals
“Healing Men’s Pain is a transformational resource to assist anyone working with men. I have spent most of my career striving to ensure world class trauma informed treatment is readily available to those in need. HMP could not come at a more critical time! The terms gender responsiveness and trauma informed are often thrown around without truly being evidenced based or comprehensive in their approach. HMP not only does both but gives the facilitator step by step guidance and support through a curriculum that encompasses experiential, skill building, family of origin, attachment, and tools to heal relationships. As a man in long term recovery and a trauma survivor, this curriculum helps men like me better understand my trauma, the impact it has on me today, and how I can heal and be the man I desire to be. Thank you Dan and Jonathan for creating a resource that will bring healing to men and change generations to come!”
– Sean Walsh, CEOMeadows Behavioral Health
Healing Men's Pain is the most comprehensive, compelling program for men I have ever seen. This curriculum covers all aspects of the healing journey so many men are eagerly awaiting. This program provides multiple tools to work with men's traumas – emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychological. This program should be taught in secondary schools and most certainly be a required college course. In other words, this is going to help men in ways that will be revolutionary.”
– John Lee author of The Flying Boy and Growing Yourself Back Up and early pioneer in Men's work and Recovery.
“Healing Men’s Pain is a comprehensive, easy to follow guide for effectively facilitating trauma groups for men. Each weekly topic builds upon the previous one serving to illuminate the invisible trauma that underlies, and often distorts, most men’s lives. With a deft hand, Griffin and DeCarlo teach the reader how to create a safe and consistent container in service of compassionately deconstructing defenses in a group healing process. Men often experience trauma at the hand of other men, wounding their masculinity. This full‐circle process of men helping men heal delivers the trauma survivor squarely into his authentic manhood. This is a book whose time has come!”
– Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D. author, Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence
"Healing Men's Pain is a dynamic new curriculum that addresses the often‐ignored intersection of how men are socialized and the role that this can play in the development of trauma and exacerbation of its impact. I've long been an admirer of Dan Griffin's work with those who are socialized as and/or identify as men, and I'm happy to see him join forces with Jonathan DeCarlo in this new work. An excellent guide for facilitators and settings that are in need of more direction about these sensitive topics, Healing Men's Pain, fills a variety of needs in the current addiction treatment, mental health, and healing space."
– Jamie Marich, Ph.D.Author of Trauma and the 12 Steps; Dissociation Made SimpleFounder and CEO of The Institute for Creative Mindfulness
"Healing Men's Pain is a program that understands what lies in the hearts (and the fears) of men. The group curriculum relentlessly offers hope, respect and—most importantly—safety for men to explore their pasts and envision new futures. Multiple well‐designed exercises help men identify the stories they have constructed all these years, and the program guides them in challenging these stories and constructing new ones. This group program offers a beacon of light for all men.”
– David B. Wexler, Ph.D., author of “When Good Men Behave Badly” and “The STOP Domestic Violence Program”
“As treatment and psychotherapy have evolved we have realized the importance that both culture and gender identification have on a person’s emotional and spiritual development, and therefore on their psychological health and wellness. As we understand and become more informed of these forces, approaches to treatment and psychotherapy are being modified to address these and the role they play in a person’s life and in their functioning. Dan Griffin is one of the pioneers in these efforts, especially when it comes to understanding the forces that shape a man’s life. Dan’s career has been devoted to helping men heal and mature. His new program with Jonathan DeCarlo, “Healing Men’s Pain”, is powerful and integrates his wealth of experience and research into men’s lives and their treatment. Any man who experiences this program will benefit greatly from the topics addressed. I can only give you my strongest recommendation to join Dan and his colleague on this journey.”
– Dr. Allen Berger, PhDClinical Director of the Institute for Optimal Recovery and Emotional SobrietyAuthor of the bestselling book about Emotional Sobriety, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety
“I am delighted to endorse "Healing Men's Pain" by Dan Griffin and Jonathan DeCarlo. Foundry Treatment Center in Steamboat Springs, CO, had the privilege of serving as a pilot site for the program's initial launch. Given our Trauma‐Integrated Addiction Treatment model, we were eager to see how the new program would integrate into our existing clinical framework. We were thrilled to discover that "Healing Men's Pain" not only integrated seamlessly into our model, but also provided structured opportunities for men to distinguish between feeling safe and being safe, challenge traditional masculine norms, confront the impact of trauma and addiction on relationships, and address their painful past in present‐day treatment. "Healing Men's Pain" can help your program advance from being trauma‐informed to trauma‐integrated treatment."
– Dr. Michael BarnesNRT Senior Clinical Advisor and DirectorMichael Barnes Family Institute at NRT Behavioral Health
FACILITATOR’S GUIDE
Healing Men’s Pain Curriculum
Dan Griffin andJonathan De Carlo
Copyright © 2025 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc.All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The process of creating Healing Men’s Pain has been an incredible, challenging, enlightening, and thought‐provoking growth experience for us. We began with a specific goal, to write a curriculum we didn’t see, something that was missing in the approaches to helping men heal and be their best selves. Through the curriculum writing process, we found ourselves inspired to bring forth the curriculum we’d have chosen to invest in if it existed along our own healing journeys. We poured our hearts and souls into this work, and in doing so we were so blessed to have a great deal of support.
First and foremost, we want to thank our families. Dan would like to thank his amazing wife, Nancy. She was with him when he first had the idea of doing this work, writing his first book, and working on his first curriculum and has been with him since for over twenty years, through thick and thin. Those experiences were deeply impactful and all of his work since then has continued to profoundly affect Dan personally and professionally and Nancy has been there to walk with Dan the whole way. Nancy has been an incredible champion of the work as well as the much needed critic and realist called for at various times throughout this journey. Dan would like to thank his daughter, Grace, who has been an incredible teacher. Grace has been a huge incentive for Dan to continue his own healing journey as well as to help envision a greater future for her and all of her generation. Her love and humor and support have been indispensable gifts for Dan. Dan would like to also thank all of the men who have guided him and supported him over the past thirty years, all of the men who have kept him on his path of being the best man he can be. In particular the men of the twelve step communities of Minnesota and Los Angeles. Finally, Dan would like to thank Jonathan for being a part of this amazing journey and such a solid and committed companion. Men are not supposed to be able to cooperate and partner let alone do it as effectively and thoughtfully as they have so much credit to Jonathan for his leadership and companionship.
Jonathan would like to thank his amazing wife, Ronny, for her unwavering support and positivity throughout the writing, piloting, editing, and publishing processes. Her unconditional love, numerous insights and willingness to provide invaluable feedback supported the process with vital perspectives and a mirror to measure progress in Jonathan’s journey to continuously become the man he wants to be. Jonathan would like to thank Donald Williams Jr. for helping him start his way on his own healing journey, and for his friendship, mentorship, and guidance through the years. Jonathan would like to thank the men of the Wednesday Night Men’s group, all of whom contributed through sharing their lives of recovery together and supporting each other to be better men. Special thanks and gratitude for everyone at C4 Recovery Foundation and C4 Consulting, who support Jonathan through being willing to constantly redefine integrity and being of service to others. Jonathan would like to thank his brothers, Peter and Mark, for continuously supporting his healing journey through the years. Lastly, Jonathan would like to Dan Griffin, his coauthor and friend, for the opportunity to collaborate, for his patience, tolerance, guidance, and willingness to bear through years of writing, editing, laughing and loving throughout the first part of the journey of bringing Healing Men’s Pain to life. Without his previous work, inspiration and deep commitment to raising the bar for men’s integrated health, this curriculum would not have been possible.
We would like to express our thanks and gratitude to the individuals and organizations that understood the value in this project and agreed to support Healing Men’s Pain by piloting the curriculum within their programs. There were numerous pilot sites that helped us craft the best possible curriculum through their commitment, feedback, passion, and willingness to engage with us in phone calls, virtual meetings, debriefs over the course of multiple months at a time. We will address them in the order they conducted their pilots, starting with our first iteration.
We would like to thank the Valiant Living Men’s Recovery Program, in Denver, Colorado and specifically Anna Smith and Michael Simms for being the first group to pilot Healing Men’s Pain. The feedback obtained from that first pilot run was instructive in how we could take the first iteration of the curriculum and build it into the program it is today.
We would also like to thank The Foundry in Steamboat Springs, Colorado with special thanks to Dr. Michael Barnes and Toby Nicholas for being the facilitators during the pilot. Their contributions and feedback helped guide Healing Men’s Pain even further toward the end goal of being a truly trauma‐informed curriculum for men.
Next, we would like to thank the Garfield County Recovery Court in Glenwood Springs, Colorado with special thanks to Natalie Bassett and Dan Kail for being the facilitators during the pilot. Their contributions and feedback helped ensure that revisions to Healing Men’s Pain were informed by practical experience and evidence of change in the lives of those who participated.
Next, we would like to thank Dr. Tian Dayton, who provided her experience, insights, perspective, and expertise to help us revise and inform this curriculum, helping us enhance the content and various activities throughout. We are ever grateful for the time and investment Dr. Dayton made in helping us more effectively integrate psychodrama and sociodrama therapeutic considerations and practices into the work.
We would like to thank Dr. Sophia Murphy, who joined our writing, editing, and publishing process, providing incredible and invaluable contributions and perspectives to help us inform this curriculum, as she began her process of co‐authorship with the Healing Women’s Pain and the Amazing Mom’s curricula. Her experience, insights, guidance, and wisdom assisted us in updating our content throughout.
We would like to thank Wiley Publishing for its support of this work and their belief in the need for men to have so much more than is currently available. In particular, we wish to thank Darren Lalonde, Christina Weyrauch, Janaki Gothandaraman, Aswini [need last name], and all of the behind the scenes staff who helped this project to come to fruition. Darren and Christina have been partners for several projects and we are grateful to their guidance to completing this project.
Lastly, we want to thank anybody who reads and uses this curriculum, and more broadly all people who dedicate themselves to helping men along their healing journeys. There are countless individuals and organizations who contribute meaningfully to men and their healing journeys. We are inspired by the commitment, passion, and dedication shown by so many, and hope that the Healing Men’s Pain curriculum provides more practical tools to support change and growth.
CONCLUSION
Thank you for choosing to facilitate the Healing Men’s Pain curriculum. Your commitment to improving the lives of men is important and something to be proud of. By facilitating this program, you are adding your name to the list of individuals who are willing to step up and support men who are trying to do their best and become the best men, partners, and fathers they can be.
As a facilitator of this program, your biggest strengths will be your authenticity, your commitment to the principles of trauma‐informed care, and your ability to be a positive role model to the men who enter this program. We want to clarify that none of this means you are expected to be perfect in your facilitation. You will repeatedly reinforce for the participating men that their goal is to be “conscious” men and not “perfect” men. We ask the same of you: be conscious of your approach and intentional in what you do, both in your good moments and in repairing any mistakes – this is what will have the biggest impact on the lives of the men with whom you engage in this process. Thank you for your commitment to this program and to men and those who love them. We hope your experience facilitating Healing Men’s Pain brings you fulfillment and a sense of purpose!
We would ask that you use the following QR code once you have facilitated the curriculum at least one time all of the way through and fill out a brief survey that will help us to improve this curriculum in future editions. Please also encourage all of your clients to take the PRE and POST surveys using the QR codes provided in their workbooks at the beginning and the end. This will enable us to collect important data for not only improving the curriculum, but also moving Healing Men’s Pain toward becoming an evidence‐based practice.
CHAPTER 1What the Facilitator Needs to Know
Introduction
This chapter provides an overview of the research that was used to guide and support the creation of the Healing Men's Pain curriculum. Each of the building blocks of this program will be briefly discussed: the influence that male socialization has on boys and men, the fundamentals of male trauma‐informed care, and the importance of values‐based services. The authors of this program strongly encourage facilitators to continue expanding their knowledge in these areas as that will greatly serve them in further improving their skills when working with men. This chapter is not intended to be exhaustive in its description of these areas, but rather to offer a window into these topics while encouraging continued exploration on the part of those facilitating the program.
Why This Curriculum
Despite the fact that the majority of people in addiction and mental health services are men, very little attention has been given to developing services specifically for men to meet their unique issues and needs. Yes, the majority of services and attention have been given to men but those services have not been very thoughtful or deliberately designed. In other words, they have not been gender‐responsive. Furthermore, the few services that have been provided for men are remarkably not always developed by men let alone men with lived experience. Finally, while trauma has become a standard element of many programs and services, the vast majority of those services attempt to be gender‐neutral thereby ignoring the significant impact that gender conditioning has on individuals and how that can influence an individual’s experience of trauma.
Male Socialization
The exploration of cultural and societal influences on how boys and men are socialized throughout the lifespan is the keystone concept for the Healing Men’s Pain program. Coupled with the importance of understanding trauma and the impact of trauma on men and boys is critical to effectively facilitating the curriculum. The reason critical is that the path to creating a safe, trusting, and open environment for boys and men requires an ability to address the concept of male socialization in a therapeutic, strengths‐based, and solution‐focused manner. Given our current social conversations regarding gender and the freedom and confusion that so many young people feel, it supports an even greater need for curricula like this to help them navigate exactly how they want their gender expression and identity to fit into their lives.
Perhaps, the most important concepts to consider are those of gender and sex. Sex refers to whether one is considered biologically male, female, or intersex. Gender is a social construct in which specific messages are given to people regarding acceptable behaviors and characteristics. The role of gender varies from culture to culture and even within cultures and is impacted by many other factors: socioeconomic status, race, ethnicity, and sexual orientation to name only a few.
Understanding that gender is a social construct, it is important to recognize that masculinity and femininity come with culturally informed “rules.” Dan Griffin's work on “The Man Rules,” as well as recognition of “The Woman Rules,” is the lens through which this socialization is explored throughout the Healing Men's Pain curriculum. What is important to stress in Griffin's work is why they are called “rules.” There is little to no choice involved in the creation of rules and even in the following of rules. And the reward for following the rules is: acceptance and even safety which creates an incredible unconscious connection to the rules. Boys are not introduced to the rules and offered choices about which ones they want to adhere to. The younger they are when the Rules first get pressed upon them, the less autonomy they likely feel to push back on detrimental ones. And the Rules are expressed and enforced everywhere so they can easily feel like that is simply “how things are.”
The idea of gender‐based “rules” for men and women is a cross‐cultural phenomenon. Not only do we observe various sets of “Man Rules” across the globe in different cultures (admittedly with nuances specific to each culture), but there are themes that are ubiquitous. Some of the more detrimental themes we can observe cross‐culturally are related to masculine norms and trauma:
“From ancient allegories to current pop culture, one consistent theme in male heroism is that of sacrifice and resilience in the face of adversity. Across history, geographies, and cultures, pervasive narratives idealize men who experience traumatic events and can endure hardship, suffering, and physical and/or psychological violence. Historically, the male body and mind have often been considered expendable, and men have been expected to be strong, tough, and defenders of honor. As such, male violence and subsequent trauma have always been, and continue to be, woven into the fabric of masculinity and humanity.”
(Slegh et al. 2021)
Recognition of the connection between male socialization and trauma is hugely important and needs to be a significant driver of how services are developed, marketed, and implemented with male populations. It is this recognition that drove us to develop the Healing Men's Pain program to address the often‐overlooked needs of men.
Values‐based Paradigm
There are different models for service delivery. The one that informs this curriculum is called Values‐based Services. There are six foundational components to this particular iteration of the model developed by Dan Griffin inspired by the original work of Roger Fallot et al.: (1) Gender‐responsive, (2) Trauma‐informed, (3) Culturally humble, (4) Recovery‐oriented, (5) Spiritually enriched, and (6) Family centric. A brief description of each follows:
Gender‐responsive
: Services and systems that are created to respond to an individual's unique needs and issues based upon their gender conditioning, particularly, but not solely within the binary of masculine and feminine. Creating a space for all gender expressions and identities is an essential part of gender‐responsive services.
Trauma‐informed
: Understanding that the phenomenon and experience of trauma is a universal experience and must be taken into consideration at all levels of a program.
Culturally humble
: While the term cultural competence and cultural responsivity are often used, when it comes to trauma‐informed systems, the preferred term is cultural humility. The main difference being the focus is on becoming knowledgeable about another's culture and lived experience by listening to them, being a witness to their story, and helping to create a space for them to explore what is their personal truth.
Recovery‐oriented
: It is so easy to focus on the problem and when dealing with addiction and mental health, recovery‐oriented services have providers and the system focusing on recovery from the very beginning through the whole process. From the language that is used (substance use disorder instead of substance abuse; recovery maintenance instead of relapse prevention) to the focus on recovery with the services and the discharge process.
Spiritually enriched
: The focus is on connection and community, and while it may include religious beliefs and practices, it doesn’t have to. The primary focus is that one is able to connect to a reality bigger than himself and fine practices and beliefs that support their living in community, however, that looks for them.
Family centric
: No individual is raised in a vacuum and their caregivers and the environment(s) in which they live have profound impacts on their experiences, their identities, and their lives as a whole.
A Trauma‐informed Men's Curriculum
Knowledge of the impact of trauma has grown exponentially in recent decades, expanding understanding of how pervasive it is while also being a very individualized experience. Along with this increase in knowledge and awareness has come the recognition that providers of all types (doctors, nurses, therapists, social workers, child welfare workers, teachers, principals, probation/parole officers, and more) need to consider the work they do from a “trauma‐informed” lens.
Trauma‐informed care (TIC) refers to an approach in healthcare (and other arenas) that acknowledges the pervasiveness of trauma in the population, recognizes the signs, and symptoms of trauma in all participants in the healthcare system (patients/clients, families, caregivers, and staff/employees), uses knowledge of trauma and best practices to improve policies and organizational processes, and takes an active role in avoiding retraumatization of those interacting within the system (https://www.traumainformedcare.chcs.org/what‐is‐trauma‐informed‐care/). A TIC approach uses a default assumption that anyone within the care system may have experienced trauma, so everyone needs to be approached therapeutically and helped to feel safe in all interactions and environments. In addition, TIC does not apply only to interactions with healthcare customers and employees, but to the healthcare environments themselves: things like the layout of waiting rooms and patient rooms, literature and media visible in the environment, and training and support provided to non‐clinical staff such as receptionists and security personnel.
The principles guiding Healing Men's Pain are not just trauma‐informed principles, they are the principles of male TIC, created by Fallot and Griffin and further expounded upon in the unpublished article by Fallot, Bebout, Griffin, and Dauer. While Fallot and Harris first identified five principles for TIC, and then SAMHSA identified six, the principles of male TIC developed by Fallot and Griffin highlighted a need for specific attention to be given to mutual responsibility and compassion as part of a TIC approach specifically working with male‐identified individuals. You will find a brief description of each principle below along with examples as well as how the Healing Men's Pain program incorporates each.
The following section explores SAMHSA's six principles while also reviewing the two additional principles from male TIC.
Components of TIC (https://www.traumainformedcare.chcs.org/what‐is‐trauma‐informed‐care/and “SAMHSA's Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma‐Informed Approach”):
Safety
: Throughout the organization, patients and staff feel physically and psychologically safe.
Organize the environment to promote a sense of safety and calm, as best you can. From waiting areas, to security measures, to how people are greeted, the environment itself contributes to safety, either promoting it or detracting from it.
Develop consistency in your approach to men you work with. Consistency can be making sure that you start and end each interaction in a similar way. Consistency gives them a sense of safety in knowing what to expect from their interactions with you.
Take opportunities to connect with the man and build rapport and a relationship outside of being solely task‐oriented.
Teach practical skills to the men in order to help them develop a repertoire of self‐regulation skills such as grounding and relaxation.
How Healing Men's Pain addresses safety:
Safety is discussed right from the beginning in the first Healing Men's Pain meeting and throughout the entire curriculum. Safety is framed as emotional and psychological safety in addition to physical safety, and we utilize the above recommendations throughout. We developed a “safety check in” for every meeting as well when the men give a number from 1 to 10 indicating how safe they feel in the group.
Trustworthiness and transparency
: Decisions are made with transparency, and with the goal of building and maintaining trust.
As the professional, it is important to model trustworthiness to the men. It is possible that the men have not had trusting experiences with professionals, so being a model of trustworthiness, partly through your transparency, is a way to build that relationship.
Hold yourself to the same standards you hold the men with whom you work.
Offer insight and explanations of the “why” of things whenever possible.
Clearly communicate any program expectations.
How Healing Men's Pain addresses trustworthiness and transparency:
Developing trust is a key emphasis of the Healing Men's Pain program. Transparency is evidenced by consistency in the meeting structure, obtaining verbal commitments from the men at key points, and clear communication of the goals of each meeting.
Peer support
: Individuals with shared experiences are integrated into the organization and viewed as integral to service delivery.
Tap into resources you may already have – create an alumni group of those who have completed your program.
Seek opportunities to have multiple men meet, connect, and share experiences, especially in small groups. It can be incredibly powerful to help the men recognize that others are going through similar circumstances.
Encourage the men to check in on one another between meetings. Help them develop an ethic of supporting one another.
How Healing Men's Pain addresses peer support:
Healing Men
'
s Pain
facilitates a cohesive group environment where the participants can support one another through their lived experiences. There are many opportunities throughout the curriculum for the participants to provide feedback to one another, support one another through pain and in their growth, and create an environment where all participants know they are not alone in their journey to become the best men they can be. The curriculum also does something that many do not by using small groups where the men are able to have an even more intimate connection with one another, something challenging for so many men.
Collaboration and mutuality
: Power differences – between staff and clients and among organizational staff – are leveled to support shared decision‐making.
Avoid shaming or blaming the men for mistakes and missteps.
Give the men opportunities to collaborate with one another in smaller groups.
Whenever possible, avoid being directive or prescriptive. Give the men freedom to choose what works best for them versus telling them what they need to do.
Utilize calculated and appropriate self‐disclosure, taking into consideration the setting and working relationship you have with the men.
How Healing Men's Pain addresses collaboration and mutuality:
Healing Men's Pain participants are recognized as experts in their own lives. The men drive the decisions they make and how they choose to utilize the information, resources, and tools that are provided in the
Healing Men's Pain
program. The program does not take a prescriptive approach, instead encouraging the men to determine how to be the best men they can be.
Empowerment, voice, and choice
: Patient and staff strengths are recognized, built on, and validated – this includes a belief in resilience and the ability to heal from trauma.
Maintain a programmatic culture that highlights how the men are experts in their own lives. In areas where you are the expert, take an approach of being a guide versus being a director of what the men “should” do.
Work with the men to identify their own goals for completion of your program, separate from any mandatory goals that may be imposed on them.
Give the men the opportunity to drive processes. Ask questions such as, “How would you like to proceed?” or “What would you like to start on?”
How Healing Men's Pain addresses empowerment, voice, and choice:
The
Healing Men
'
s Pain
program takes a strengths‐based approach by encouraging the participants to use internal and external resources already at their disposal (e.g. internal: desire for change; external: supports they may have from people in their lives). The approach in this program is that of a guide and of offering information and insight. It is non‐directive and non‐prescriptive. We recognize that lasting change comes from offering men information that they can use and fit into their own personal circumstances.
Cultural, historical, and gender issues
: Biases and stereotypes (e.g. based on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, and geography) and historical trauma are recognized and addressed.
Practice cultural humility, seeking to empathize with the men versus making assumptions about their experiences. Show curiosity and compassion toward the men's life experiences and perspectives.
Whenever possible, give the participants opportunities to consider perspectives different from their own.
How Healing Men's Pain addresses cultural, historical, and gender issues:
Of course, every session of the entire curriculum is built around exploring gender issues. An entire meeting is devoted to discussion of the toxicity that comes with biases and stereotypes along with a discussion of historical and intergenerational trauma. Facilitators of this curriculum are strongly encouraged to develop awareness of their own biases and respond accordingly to avoid those biases creeping into their facilitation. There are many opportunities for the men to hear experiences of others who are different from them.
Mutual responsibility
: Each participant in the relationship is responsible to themselves and the other, in equal measure, and regardless of any structural power differences.
This goes beyond holding one party accountable and emphasizes that the men AND facilitator(s) are responsible for their own roles and accountable to each other. This helps mitigate the inherent power imbalances.
Accountability is important and something to emphasize but place extra emphasis on how you plan to be accountable to the men, not just how the men are expected to be accountable as participants.
How Healing Men's Pain addresses mutual responsibility:
Facilitators are repeatedly encouraged to complete many of the activities that are part of the
Healing Men's Pain
program to improve their ability to help the men explore the content. At multiple points in the program, facilitators highlight how the men are asked to be responsible to one another and to the facilitators. Facilitators also repeatedly emphasize their own accountability to the men.
Compassion
: Being compassionate with the experiences of the men who enter any services, especially those that do not fit within the Man Rules.
Holding unconditional positive regard for the men you interact with and emphatically accepting them for who they are and not who you, or others, want them to be.
Emphasize that behaviors do not define the man while still clarifying that certain behaviors are not okay (e.g. abusive behaviors directed at themselves or others). Compassion is not the same as collusion.
Showing compassion for participants who may not have experienced much compassion can go a long way to building safety in the relationship.
How Healing Men's Pain addresses compassion:
Loving kindness meditation, teaching self‐compassion, frequent messages to the men to focus on using the information in this program
consciously
versus having to be perfect men.
A significant part of TIC is approaching others from the perspective of “What happened to you?” instead of “What is wrong with you?” This is especially important when working with participants to address any behaviors that may be harming themselves or others. “What happened to you?” is an acknowledgment that the participant's previous experiences, especially traumatic experiences, are likely the drivers of any maladaptive behaviors or behavior patterns that the participant is engaging in. Recognizing that such behaviors are likely stemming from a trauma response is key to avoiding shaming and blaming men, and it opens up opportunities to build trust and a therapeutic alliance with a man which research shows is one of the most important determinants of good therapeutic outcomes (Ardito and Rabellino 2011).
It is important to understand that a TIC approach that avoids blaming individuals for behaviors they have developed to cope with trauma does not encourage avoiding accountability or responsibility for one's actions. Compassion and a therapeutic approach are not in conflict with accountability and responsibility. However, approaching participants with compassion will lend itself to a greater likelihood of real, positive behavioral change when coupled with offering participants needed skills and support to bolster their resilience.
In working to create a curriculum to effectively address the specific needs of men, the authors recognized that a trauma‐informed approach was a necessity. Individuals socialized to be boys and men experience, express, and recover from trauma differently than those socialized to be girls and women. As a result, this program was designed to account for the trauma experienced by many of the men who will participate. Anyone facilitating this program should approach interactions from the assumption that each of the participants has a trauma history. This assumption of trauma history is part of actively avoiding retraumatizing the participants. This is particularly important when it comes to men and understanding that men are conditioned not to recognize their experiences as trauma nor to talk about them in any way that recognizes the incredible pain connected to them.
Components of a trauma‐informed approach are purposefully infused throughout the Healing Men's Pain program. Examples of TIC components include the structure of the group meetings to promote consistency in the openings and closings of each meeting, frequent practice of relaxation and grounding techniques throughout each meeting, almost every session is devoted to exploring men and trauma, correlations between trauma and other meeting topics throughout, and an emphasis on creating maintaining a safe and supportive environment – emphasized to the facilitators as well as the participants.
Male Socialization and Trauma
One of the more sobering realities that gets explored in this curriculum is just how entrenched trauma is in the process of socialization of young boys and men. Most often it is not whether boys experienced trauma as part of learning The Man Rules, but how traumatic that learning was to them. Multiple meetings within the curriculum address how The Man Rules are ingrained into young boys through traumatic means.
When babies are born, there are no differences between male‐identified babies and female‐identified babies in terms of their ability to emote, their desire for connection and attachment, their desire for intimacy and nurturing, and their ability to be close to others. In fact, there is recent research showing that baby boys and toddler boys show significantly more emotionality than girls on multiple measures. And yet, as this program explains in detail, these characteristics are frequently devalued in boys from an early age. Boys and young men continuously receive messages that tear at the fabric of this natural instinct to connect and seek intimacy via media (TV, movies, and the Internet), peers, parents, and society at large. Each time boys do not live up to the expectations society identifies for “real men,” the resulting shame builds and builds, “like dust on the soul, dimming [their] zest for life.” (Lyme et al. 2008). Shame is an incredibly powerful driver of boys' and men's behavior, almost never in healthy, adaptive ways. The repeated shaming that boys experience when being taught to navigate their worlds as “real men” is traumatic in its own right, but so often compounded by additional traumatic circumstances and events.
Of equal importance to note is how the socialization of young boys and men decreases the likelihood that they will admit to having experienced trauma and seek services or support to address it:
