Rethinking Negotiation E-Book

Chris Kunze-Levy

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 237

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

The Anchors Mindset is a new, innovative negotiation method rooted in psychology, behavioral science and experience of what works. It offers a fundamental shift in how to view negotiations. Rethinking Negotiation is your guide to the Anchors Mindset. RETHINKING NEGOTIATION will support you to retire worn-out negotiation tactics that have been recycled a thousand times. The Anchors Mindset invites you to set new standards. Moving away from e the conventional win-lose approach and towards the creation of genuine win-win situations. Through the use of anchor points to establish common ground, foster creativity and cooperate more fully, the Anchors Mindset will guide you to find solutions that serve long-term needs. The secret lies in the ability to harmoniously blend the rational and emotional aspects of negotiation. By orchestrating this balance, the Anchors Mindset ensures that your negotiations are not solely based on impulsive emotions or pure fact, but instead emphasizes the creation of value and the prioritization of shared success. RETHINKING NEGOTIATION is not your typical guide to better negotiation. It takes a philosophical approach, challenging you to question the status quo, step out of your comfort zone, and engage in continuous self-improvement. It encourages you to open your mind to new ideas and approaches, free yourself from conventional wisdom, and have the courage to be different. If you are ready to reinvent your negotiation strategy, then this book is your indispensable companion. Dive into the world of the Anchors Mindset and unlock the secrets of modern negotiation.

Leseprobe

You can't open new doors with old keys

For Hila, Joshua, Ella, and Jonathan, who show me every day how valuable curiosity, love, and the belief in yourself is.

CONTENT

Introduction

NEGOTIATIONS - A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING

Why We Dislike Negotiating

Negotiation Myths - Why We Believe in Them

"No" - The Dreaded Word

Loss Aversion

Decision Fatigue

THE SOUL OF NEGOTIATIONS

Rethinking Negotiation

The Actual Present

The Idea of Dual Thinking

The Two-Tiered World

The Swinging Anchor

The Harvard Principle

Emotions are Inherent to Negotiations

HIDDEN SECRETS OF NEGOTIATION

The Third Place

The Kennedy Effect

How the mood influences us

The way you sit is the way you negotiate

Think Outside The Box - The 18.th Camel

Dopamine Kick - The Benjamin Franklin Effect

Let Time Work for You

The Mix Makes It

Anchoring

The Power of Silence

The Essence of Negotiations

The Anchors Mindset

THE PERFECT NEGOTIATION CYCLE

Gathering Information

Defining Goals and Boundaries

Nature and Location of the Negotiation

Setting an Appointment and an Agenda

Arrival, Greeting, and Small Talk

Transition into the Negotiation

Needs and Positions Analysis

Interests

Reading the Room

Commonalities and Differences

Presentation of Offers

Options and Approaches

Solutions and Alternative Offers

Price Proposal & Price Negotiations

Objection Handling

Closing the Negotiation

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Notes

INTRODUCTION

Since my childhood, the world of handball has held me in its grip, and that passion has never waned. The thunderous roar of the fans, the sharp whistle of the referee, and the electrifying calls of the players, all blending into an auditory experience that sharpened my senses every time I stepped onto the court. The moment the game kicked off with that first whistle was pure magic, every single time. In that split second, everything was suddenly on the line, every action carried immediate consequences. Misjudgments or poor decisions could swing the game. In those moments, there was no rewind, no chance for correction. You knew that every step you took would influence the final outcome, determining whether you would walk away victorious or vanquished.

My own speed, my leaping ability, my pinpoint accuracy, and, not least, my role as a towering left-hander served me well in handball. In this game, swift and tall left-handers are in high demand. Yet, despite all these advantages, the position of goalkeeper exerted an almost magnetic pull on me. For most people, a goalkeeper is merely the guardian of the goal, the last resort when the defense falters. We all remember schoolyard scenarios or casual sports teams where the person who couldn't run, throw, or shoot effectively was placed in goal so that they’d stay out of the way. But for me, the role of goalkeeper transcended that. While the field players dashed frantically across the court, striving to score goals, it fell on me solely to thwart our opponents. The goalkeeper was the lone player who held their ground in a unique position within the team, and to me that meant much more than meets the eye.

The role of a handball goalkeeper stands in stark contrast to that of a field player, demanding a defiance of evolutionary survival mechanisms and self-preservation instincts rather than succumbing to them. It is a fact that most people instinctively attempt to dodge a fast-flying ball approaching their body or head. The brain rightly interprets this as a potential threat. In response, protective reflexes to prevent harm are activated. But as a goalkeeper, you must consciously do the exact opposite.

Furthermore, the position of goalkeeper requires more than just reflexes, determination, and responsiveness. You must make lightning-fast decisions, react precisely, and parry the ball from up close. Simultaneously, you must keep a cool head in the heat of the moment. A top-tier handball goalkeeper often acts as the conductor of the game, a role founded on special psychological abilities rather than instinct or gut feeling. While field players are constantly juggling multiple tasks simultaneously, you as the goalkeeper maintain a calm and controlled view of the field. You need a deep understanding of the game and its strategy to anticipate the movements of opposing players and provide instructions that support your team. This calls for high game intelligence and the ability to recognize patterns in the gameplay.

Lastly, handball goalkeepers develop a unique reward system that might seem unusual at first glance: pain! While most people perceive pain as something negative, for the goalkeeper it becomes a source of fulfillment and reward. In handball, your task as a goalkeeper is to stand in the way of the ball and prevent goals, even if it means deflecting powerful shots hurtling toward the net at high speed. In successful moments, you feel the pain as the ball strikes your body. However, this pain simultaneously signifies that you've done everything right and prevented a goal. Every blocked goal, accompanied by a degree of pain, is a small triumph. The experienced pain has always psychologically fortified me and motivated me to push beyond my own limits.

The skills and mental strength I've developed as a handball goalkeeper have had profound positive impacts on various aspects of my personal and professional life. I've learned to maintain a clear and composed mind even under immense pressure. Often, complex decisions must be made under time constraints and in emotionally charged situations - something I have noticed myself become more resilient than most in.

Through reading and predicting the opposing team's moves, I have developed the ability to separate the essential from the trivial in my professional and personal life. I've learned to pay attention to the subtle nuances that often make all the difference. Active listening, waiting for the right moment to respond with a fitting reply, and the ability to stay mentally strong and keep an eye on the bigger picture even when things don't go as planned are skills that were instilled in me through handball and have proven immensely useful beyond the playing field.

Over the course of my career, I have increasingly realized how closely connected sports is to my work. This has given me an advantage and insight into one area in particular: negotiation. In handball, it is crucial to analyze opponents before a game, devise game strategies, and consider various scenarios. The same applies to negotiations. Thorough preparation often lays the foundation for success in negotiations. However, it is essential to go beyond surface-level preparations and focus on the crucial details and psychological effects of one's actions.

In handball, I had continually to adapt to evolving circumstances, tactics, and the strengths of my teammates during a game. Similarly, negotiation leaders must be flexible and ready to adjust their strategies as a situation unfolds. The ability to respond in real-time to new information and unexpected twists often makes the vital difference between success and failure.

The significance of communication extends equally to both realms. As a goalkeeper, I often found myself giving instructions, organizing the defense, and motivating the team. In negotiations, the ability to communicate clearly and effectively, motivate a team, and psychologically align with a negotiating partner towards a common goal is of paramount importance. Negotiating involves not only presenting one's position but also understanding others' perspectives.

One of the most significant lessons I've learned throughout my experiences in both handball and negotiation is that many people fear negotiations and consciously avoid them - just like most people fear a ball flying towards them at great speed.

What has become especially clear to me in this context is that negotiations don't necessarily have to be negative or confrontational events. In handball, as in life, confrontations and challenges are inevitable. However, they can be viewed as opportunities to find solutions together and come closer to one another. Sometimes you need to face a speeding handball squarely and bravely.

This realization was a driving force behind the idea of writing this book and sharing my experiences and insights with others. My aim with this book is to help negotiators - at whatever stage of their negotiation journey - to stop viewing negotiations as insurmountable obstacles and start seeing them as openings or opportunities. In the following pages, I share the principles and skills I've acquired in sports, academia, and my professional life, to offer you a path towards a positive relationship with negotiations. I want you to look forward to negotiations, and see them for what they are: invitations - for growth, not a bloody nose.

A Personal Message

Before we take a full dive into the world of negotiations, I want to share something personal with you. In a world that often demands perfection, where Facebook pages and Instagram photos portray a seemingly flawless and carefree life, and success appears scripted on LinkedIn, we all carry our own struggles and fears, often concealed behind an outward facade. I carry mine too: I am dyslexic.

My journey to this point has been tough—full of challenges, pain, and doubts. It took courage to embrace my dyslexia, especially when faced with skepticism from others who doubted that my dream of writing my own book would ever become a reality.

This book is much more than a guide to the world of negotiations; it is a call to others to pursue their dreams despite all obstacles, an encouragement to never to give up just because the path in front of us is not perfectly paved.

I have learnt that mistakes are allowed. That it's okay not to be perfect, not to conform to norms and standards. And much of the advice contained in this book stems from that starting point. Acting with courage and intention is more likely to produce results than doggedly sticking to the 'set text'. So, if you notice that the grammar, I use is not always 100% correct or that a comma here and there is misplaced, please forgive me! I hope, as you read on, the pages will reveal not just the details but the essence of my story - and therein lies the true beauty of individuality, and of negotiation rethought.

NEGOTIATIONS – A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING

WHY WE DISLIKE NEGOTIATING

„You don't get what you want. You get what you negotiate“

- Harvey Mackay

Negotiations pose a challenge for many of us, provoking uncertainty, vulnerability, and helplessness. The mere thought of negotiation can leave us scared. Often, we feel as if the other side holds all the cards, or that the best outcome we can hope for is damage control.

This aversion to negotiation can be traced back to some understandable origins. Many of us carry experiences from school days, where negative situations impacted our self-confidence. These experiences heightened our fears of failure, feeling inferior, and being taken advantage of. The apprehension of not being accepted or even rejected lives with most of us in some way to today.

Paradoxically, we are by nature born negotiators. As early as age two, we develop a keen sense of negotiation. We're in constant negotiation with playmates, parents, siblings, and kindergarten teachers. In our early years, we were persistent and we learned from our mistakes. We moved forward boldly, without excessive fear. If something didn't work, we rarely held a grudge. Plan B wasn't yet a concept. Our negotiation strategies didn’t follow fixed rules or notions. Each attempt was an ambitious step towards a goal, and we were always focused on how we could do better next time.

Then - when we entered school - a shift occurred. Despite our initial curiosity and joy in learning, our wings were swiftly clipped. The teacher admonished us to sit still, listen, and hold back. It seemed that no one was truly interested in what moved us or in what areas we excelled.

The school system is built on hierarchy, with power concentrated in the hands of a single individual—the teacher. Obedience to the teacher is drilled into us, regardless of whether their views are accurate or not. At school, we were systematically discouraged from making mistakes or raising objections. Only a prescribed path to the presumed correct answer was deemed acceptable. Collaboration among students, whether for homework or tests, was often frowned upon.

Tragically, the school system frequently stifles the spirit of learning and the creativity of children and adolescents. It narrows thinking and transforms individuality into conformity. We're pushed during school years to excel by dutifully following school rules and always striving to be the best. By the end of our school journey, many of us suffer from low self-confidence and an exaggerated fear of making mistakes or failing. We've grown accustomed to going with the flow, being inconspicuous, and accepting authority without questioning.

This behavior is often further reinforced by the actions of parents. While they praise and nurture creativity in the younger years, they also reward conformity, especially as our experiments in adolescence become more and more challenging.

NEGOTIATION MYTHS - WHY WE BELIEVE IN THEM

„Myths prove to be more durable than scientific insights“

- Helmut Glaßl

Myths are captivating narratives originally passed down orally across generations. These stories often revolve around gods, heroes, or demons, and recount epic adventures. The Greek, Egyptian, and Roman gods, along with the unforgettable Odyssey of Odysseus or the astonishing conquest of Troy, are among those myths that continue to ignite our imagination to this day. In every culture, myths emerge that explain customs, rituals, and traditions while offering practical guidance for daily life. Many of these myths are bound up with the religious writings of various cultures.

It is significant to note that during the heyday of myths and legends, the majority of people couldn't read or write. Mandatory schooling was unheard of and only a privileged few mastered literacy. Myths helped the majority understand and explain the world and its mysteries. Even in an era of seemingly boundless access to scientific research, education, and the internet, myths still play a crucial role in human life and especially wellbeing.

Myths aren’t only stories. For example, a well-known myth that persists today is the supposed high iron content in spinach. This is a legend that dates back to 1890 and originates from a simple miscalculation by physiologist Gustav von Bunge. von Bunge accurately determined that 100 grams of spinach contained 35 milligrams of iron but he was analyzing dried spinach, which held ten times more iron than the same amount of fresh leafy greens. Although the error was swiftly corrected, the correction was just as swiftly forgotten. The myth had taken hold. Popeye, who gained superhuman strength from the leafy greens and defended himself with iron fists, contributed to its endurance and even today, some nearly 150 years later, parents the world over use this tale to try to coax their children into eating the healthy vegetable.

The examples of other widely spread and convincing myths, whose origins remain unknown, are many. Another such superstition concerns adding oil to boiling pasta water to prevent sticking. We've all likely done it, though even the most basic physics lessons would instruct us that oil merely floats on the water's surface and doesn't impact the cooking process. In fact, regular stirring remains the best method to prepare perfect pasta. Even the famous drizzle of olive oil after cooking and before serving hampers the taste of pasta, as the pasta absorbs less sauce that way. In actual fact what we are doing is 'sealing' the pasta against the sauce, diminishing its flavor. And yet we pour the oil.

Researchers speculate that myths are so popular because their vivid depiction makes them impressive, easily comprehensible, and universally accessible. This renders them more readily accepted by a broad audience than a purely fact-based and rational depiction of processes and situations. Ambiguities, ignorance, or external control gain orientation through myths. Backgrounds suddenly make sense. Reality appears straightforward and logical. This can make overcoming fears and uncertainties easier. The constant repetition through various sources lends a myth its credibility.

Negotiation experts are no exception and still resort to myths when it comes to techniques for successful dealings. Despite a lack of scientific evidence, these myths persist stubbornly. The myth of "negotiating from a position of power" is undoubtedly one of the most widespread misconceptions in the field. It suggests that certain negotiators, due to their power and dominance, have the ability to influence negotiations on their terms and close deals in their favor. This misconception persists because many people automatically equate social status, wealth, image, title, or reputation with power and dominance, and thus submit to this power. However, the "position of power" of an individual changes with each situation. In negotiations, it's not the power we attribute to a person that matters, but rather the position they hold in that specific situation.

An impressive example comes from the 1980 US presidential election, where incumbent President Jimmy Carter faced off against challenger Ronald Reagan. At the beginning of the campaign, Carter was seen as an experienced politician; Reagan dismissed by many as an actor and a political outsider. Carter had already served four years as president and as such was regarded as the favorite by many.

Yet Reagan managed to gain broad support from voters by presenting a clear, compelling vision for America. He promised lower taxes, a strengthened economy, and a more robust foreign policy. Reagan directly addressed the dissatisfaction of many Americans with the economic situation and international affairs. Throughout the campaign, Reagan skillfully positioned himself as a strong alternative to Carter, and this struck a chord with the electorate. His communication skills and charisma helped him win the support of the population, while Carter grappled with the messy challenges of the Presidency such as ongoing economic stagnation and the hostage crisis at the American embassy in Iran.

By election day, Reagan had won the hearts and therefore also the votes of the majority of voters. He secured a convincing victory and became the 40th President of the United States. Carter had to accept defeat and lost his position of power to the supposed 'nobody' Reagan.

This example powerfully illustrates that it's not solely perceived power that determines success in negotiations. Far more crucial is how one positions oneself in the given situation and addresses the needs and desires of the specific parties involved at the specific time in question. It demonstrates that effective negotiations are based on clear visions and persuasive communication, regardless of purported power and dominance.

Another widespread myth pertains to the mistaken assumption that negotiation positions are set in advance and can hardly be changed during a negotiation process. This notion stems from a cognitive bias that influences our individual perception of our own strength compared to belonging to a group or institution. Often, we feel weaker as individuals when facing an established group or company. However, it is within our power to strengthen our own position during negotiations or weaken the position of our negotiation counterpart.

Let us imagine a negotiation scenario between a high-ranking CEO of a major technology company and an independent software developer who has come up with a groundbreaking idea that could disrupt the market. The CEO shows interest in acquiring this innovative technology for their company, as it promises significant competitive advantages. The software developer, on the other hand, wants to sell their technology but ensure fair compensation and retain influence over its use.

From the software developer's perspective, the CEO might hold a dominant negotiation position due to their power and resources. They have a strong market position, an established company, and substantial financial means. It might appear that they can dictate pricing and terms at will. The software developer, on the other hand, might see themselves in a seemingly weaker position, lacking the comparable resources, financial means, and negotiation experience to realize his vision on his own terms.

However, what the CEO might overlook is the critical resource the software developer possesses: the intellectual property of his groundbreaking technological innovation. If this technology is indeed groundbreaking and there is high market demand, the CEO will rely on acquiring this technology to remain competitive. In this situation, if the software developer is aware of their own power, they can influence the terms and protect their interests to achieve better negotiation outcomes. They might demand a higher purchase price, or a share of future profits, or establish specific usage conditions for the technology. The more innovative the software, the narrower the CEO's room to maneuver.

Myths in the realm of negotiation function somewhat like placebos. They have no inherent effect and only lead to success when both sides believe in their validity. However, if our goal is to navigate successfully in complex and challenging negotiation situations, we should strive to avoid such myths. Instead, we should rely on clear and rational analysis of any given negotiation situation and employ strategic approaches based on verifiable facts to achieve our goals.

"NO" - THE DREADED WORD

„Saying no is so heartbreaking“

- Britney Spears

Why does the small word 'No' trigger so many emotions and even fears within us? The answer can be traced back to our childhood. From the very beginning, we associate the word 'No' almost exclusively with negative emotions. How many times did we, as children, hear this word from our parents or playmates? 'No' when we wanted to stay up late. 'No' when we wanted a lollipop at the supermarket checkout. 'No' when we played with our food again. 'No' when we wanted to use the shovel in the sandbox and the other child didn't want to give it up even if they weren't currently using it.

From our child’s perspective, the world was not rational, but, rather, emotional and playful. As a result, we perceived 'No' as a rejection of our sense of experimentation or our joy in exploring something new. I don't remember ever associating anything positive with the word as a child. For me, it was always negatively charged - frustrated, frustrating and dismissive. This conditioning was reinforced because the word had two contradictory meanings. We had to learn that a 'No' from our parents was an unchangeable negative statement that we had to accept.

On the other hand, our parents rarely accepted our own 'No'. Statements like "No, I won't clean my room" or "No, I won't do my homework" were met with reprimands, stern looks, or even punishment. Additionally, we had to do things we didn't want to do. In our emotional, playful world, we couldn't grasp the rational reasons for the 'Nos' we received.

These experiences have led to the word 'No' having a special emotional significance for nearly everyone. The negative conditioning from childhood still lingers and influences our behavior and reactions as adults.

It is important to realize that the word 'No' doesn't always mean a rejection of our person or our ideas; often, it simply indicates a difference of opinion or a clear boundary. Through conscious exploration of our emotions and experiences, we can learn to handle 'No' better and not perceive it as a personal attack. This enables us to deal more constructively and calmly with rejecting statements and to navigate negotiations, relationships, and everyday life with more poise.

As children, the principle of opposites is foreign. Children perceive words and their meanings separately from each other. It is only in later development that we understood that individual words directly connect to one another. For many children, for instance, it is not clear that 'Right' is the opposite of 'Left'. A vivid example of this can be seen when children learn to ride a bicycle. If parents tell their child "Don't go to the left" they will often find that the child will continue riding straight ahead and not automatically turn to the right. The same applies to the logical connection between 'Yes' and 'No' as perceived by parents. When we were children and were told, for example, "No, don't eat with your hands," we were confused and didn't know what our parents expected from us. Our confusion was about whether we should continue eating or not and if so, how? Only later did we recognize the connection and understand that we should continue eating, but not with our hands but with a fork or a spoon.

These negative and sometimes contradictory experiences reside within us to this day. Since we always react emotionally to a 'No' and only later make the rational connection to the corresponding event, most people try to avoid any potential 'No'. We prefer to avoid experiencing this emotional rollercoaster of rejection and misunderstanding. And we often avoid directly saying 'No' so as to spare another person from this very emotional situation. Who doesn't know the situation when a friend asks us if we're up for a night out over the weekend, and our initial reaction is a spontaneous "No, not in the mood." However, we often respond with a half-hearted "Basically, no problem. I'll talk to my partner to see if we don't have any other plans" or "Yes, that could work." And only later row back on the half-hearted commitment.

LOSS AVERSION

„I've always had an aversion to debt“

- Brunello Cucinelli

In the realm of decision-making and human behavior, there exists a fascinating phenomenon that significantly influences our thinking and choices: loss aversion. Loss aversion describes our innate tendency to fear and avoid losses more strongly than we pursue potential gains. This psychological inclination plays a substantial role in our professional and personal lives, exerting significant influence over our decisions.

But where does loss aversion come from, and why are we so susceptible to it? To comprehend this, we must delve into human evolution and the functioning of our brains.

Loss aversion is closely linked to our evolutionary survival instinct. In earlier times, when our ancestors lived as hunters and gatherers, resources were scarce, and survival depended on securing necessities like food, shelter, and other vital goods. In that environment, avoiding losses was crucial for survival. Those who successfully minimized losses had a greater chance of surviving and passing on their genes. This evolutionary imprint remains within us to this day.

Studies have shown that losses are perceived more intensely by our brains and trigger a greater emotional response than gains. A study by Benedetto De Martino from the University College London illustrates how people react irrationally when faced with a choice between gain and loss. Participants engaged in a game where they could win £50. Before playing, they had to decide: either exit immediately and receive a £20 prize or participate in the game, with a chance to win the mentioned £50 or receive nothing if they lost the game. 57 percent of participants chose to exit and keep the £20.

The area of our brain responsible for processing threats and negative emotions reacts more intensely to losses, while the region associated with rewards and positive emotions is less strongly activated. This leads us to perceive losses as more painful and prompts us to strive to avoid them at all costs.

Emotions in general cannot be easily suppressed, as they are composed of every single one of our historic memories of losses or failures and the associated negative feelings. For instance, the frustration we experienced as toddlers at the supermarket checkout when we didn't get the candy we wanted. The disappointment when we didn't receive the desired gifts on our birthdays or at Christmas. The sense of helplessness when our team lost a game despite playing better than the opponent. These and countless similar situations have shaped us throughout our development and built our complex loss aversion warning system.

This personal sensitization to the irrational desire to avoid losses in uncertain and unfamiliar scenarios inevitably leads to physical and emotional reactions even before we actually go through a situation.

Like stage fright before an exam that blocks us. The embarrassment of suddenly being asked something in a meeting that you have to answer on the spot. The panic of feeling ill-informed or even foolish, suddenly stuttering or sweating, when we have to speak freely in front of a group of people.