The People Effect E-Book

Manuel Jork

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

Beware: There Comes Some Mind Boggling Stuff People have brains. It serves to unfold the potentials of human beings. Potentials are possibilities. People have an inexhaustible variety of possibilities. They are finely tuned creatures that are elastic and can withstand a lot. They are sensitive and empathic, they can reflect on themselves and others, they can transfer knowledge and experience to different fields of action and they can anticipate the effects of their actions. They can achieve great things with this. But there is a catch. No brain exists on its own. This sounds strange. Especially for individualists. But it is true. Brains always interact with other brains. Potentials therefore unfold through meaningful interactions of preferably different people. The more different people are, the more abundant the possibilities. People cannot not interact. They have no choice. They must cooperate. But they do not always want to. Preferably they ought to cooperate with different people. But this they like even less. At this point tensions, many contradictions and sensitivities arise. Here you can create an influential impact now. I know you want it. I know you think it is difficult. And it is. It is very difficult. But it is possible.

Leseprobe

»I am not a self-made man. I’ve always treated the world as my classroom. Never stop learning. Ever. You know that wherever you are in life, there will be times when you don’t have the answer, or drive, and you’re forced to look beyond yourself. You can admit that you can’t do it alone. I certainly can’t. No one can.«

– Arnold Schwarzenegger

Foreword to »Tools of Titans« by Tim Ferris

Thinking and acting together, thus joining forces is my purpose for the near future. I do not distinguish between interactions of family, friends, neighbors, employees or colleagues. I address all people in all forms of relationships. I write equally for female and male readers and I also think of readers who feel different. I see the diversity and appreciate the equality. I'm just making it as easy as I can with the written language.

Foreword

In my own career, whether as an individual contributor, manager, leader, consultant, business owner, husband, father or member of my community, I have been very curious about how I can better work together with others for mutually beneficial outcomes. It can be hard at times. With the fast-paced world we seem to live in, at times it can seem daunting to consistently respect as well as create consistent cycles of value in the style preferences that exist between us. I’m talking about the sometimes-subtle preferences [often they just look like flat out differences] in how each of us like to do things, like: intensity of how we think, paying attention to details, the frequency and depth of our communication, the focus of when we learn, ability to tell jokes, how we respond to questions, the passion in how we express ourselves or the myriad of other style preferences that exist. This book tackles those style difference preferences and how to win together and achieve mutually beneficial outcomes. This book equips the reader to understand, value, and work with others to unlock the human potential amongst preference difference, both professionally and personally.

I met Manuel some time ago and have had the pleasure to witness him in action on numerous occasions. He is a master of the content, the principles and tools in this book. I have seen Manuel facilitate the tools in this book in the classroom, enabling workshop participants to understand the often-tricky dynamics of effectively communicating with others. I have witnessed Manuel use the skills offered here in going for win-win outcomes with clients and customers. He passes along the »how-to« in these book pages.

If you are willing to read, internalize and integrate the concepts in this book into your professional and personal life, you will see wiser outcomes. Manuel takes his decades of experience, learning, failures, trial and error and writes a masterpiece work allowing You and I to gain immense wisdom from his experience. This book will save you years of frustration that can sometimes accompany the always fluid dynamics of working and communicating with others.

You must however practice the tools offered in these pages to see to gain these skills. I consider myself very lucky to have crossed paths with Manuel and congratulate him on a well written book.

Enjoy the read!

– Kit Allowitz

Author of »Don’t Pull the Chicken Switch: How to Maximize Willpower and Get Everything You Want Out of Work and Life«

Beware: There Comes Some Mind-Boggling Stuff

People have brains. It serves to unfold the potentials of human beings. Potentials are possibilities. People have an inexhaustible variety of possibilities. They are finely tuned creatures that are elastic and can withstand a lot. They are sensitive and empathic, they can reflect on themselves and others, they can transfer knowledge and experience to different fields of action and they can anticipate the effects of their actions. They can achieve great things with this.

But there's a catch.

No brain exists on its own. This sounds strange. Especially for individualists. But it's true. Brains always interact with other brains. Potentials therefore unfold through meaningful interactions of preferably different people [1]. The more different people are, the more abundant the possibilities. People cannot not interact. They have no choice. They must cooperate. But they don't always want to. Preferably they ought to cooperate with different people. But this they like even less. At this point tensions, contradictions and sensitivities arise.

Here you can create an influential impact now. I know you want it. I know you think it’s difficult. And it is. It is very challenging.

But it is possible.

Content

Part 1

The Contradictory Inner Life of People

01 Similarity - Blessing and Curse

02 Six Strengths for One World

03 The Ultra-Fine Inner Radar

04 The Strange Self-Centeredness

05 Five Fundamental Inner Dynamics

Relationship

Order

Achievement

Territory / Power

Innovation

06 Unfoldment of Potentials through Cooperative Diversity

Relationship and Order

Relationship and Achievement

Order and Achievement

Relationship-Order-Achievement

Relationship and Innovation

Achievement and Innovation

Order and Innovation

Relationship and Territory

Territory and Order

Territory and Achievement

Territory and Innovation

Achievement-Relationship-Territory

Territory-Order-Achievement

Part 2

The Sensitive Inner Life of People

07 Ronald - Order

08 Tanya - Relationship

09 Janina - Achievement

10 Henry - Territory

11 Susan - Innovation

Part 3

How to Address People in a Joining-Forces-Appropriate Way

12 Words are Tools

13 Don’t Be Afraid of Addressing

14 The Wondrous World of Resistance

Second Helping

How People Sort Their Interests

Quick References

The Next Book: The Situation Navigator

Footnotes

Recommended Books and Articles

Many Thanks

About the Author

Contact

Part 1

The Contradictory Inner Life of People

Have you ever met someone like Harold? Harold is always on the move, knows everything and is always willing to help. He has been working as a laboratory technician for many years, but without any leadership responsibility. But he constantly offered his boss to do all kinds of things for him. He is also very enthusiastic about getting his colleagues on their toes. The boss refused, of course. Initially. But then the day came when he became weak. Harold is really helpful, and he gets things done. He acts where others just talk. From that day on Harold had his foot in the door and his boss could no longer say no when he forced his help on him. Since Harold is not fully occupied, he and his wife have started a small catering service. There is hardly a department in the company where he has not already organized a birthday party or buffet. He's doing really well. He is really fast, useful and inexpensive. No one gets past him. He is always there and waiting for his opportunities. The downside, however, is that some colleagues are quite annoyed by him. Would you want to connect with Harold?

Many hesitate at this thought. That's understandable. Living together with people is not always easy. People have three qualities that will constantly challenge you:

People are contradictory.

They are over-sensitive.

At the same time, they are equipped with most awesome capabilities.

However, the enriching moments that await you are worth every effort.

Suppose you have chosen Harold and want to integrate him into your life. In the beginning you will have the feeling that Harold is a great enrichment. He actually behaves as described above. He looks for ways to help you, takes work off your hands, cannot sit still and is constantly active. After a while he knows all your friends and acquaintances and takes care of your social network. He makes appointments for you, organizes your free time, decides with whom and when you meet. He also participates helpfully in your leisure activities at any time. Your friends and acquaintances take him to their hearts and soon he will be a part of your small community. This community is growing and new acquaintances are being made. Suddenly you realize that Harold has changed your life. You take a moment, think about it and realize the following: You have not integrated Harold into your life, but Harold has integrated you into his life. It was not you who took responsibility for Harold, Harold took responsibility for you. You are not leading Harold. Harold is leading you. Harold has taken over your life. Capture through helpfulness.

Now ask yourself: Is this good or not? Do I want this or not? You realize that this question is not easy to answer, because Harold is a great guy. You do not want to disappoint him, you do not want to curb his enthusiasm, you want to provide him with a joining-forces-appropriate habitat. At the same time, you think it is necessary to talk to him about living together. You feel the need to discuss roles and responsibilities and to sort it out somewhat differently. You invite him for a conversation:

You:

»Harold, we need to talk.«

Harold:

[Startled] »Yes, what?«

You:

»I think we have to sort out our living together in some way.«

Harold:

»What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?«

You:

»No, of course not.«

Harold:

»Well then, that's fine. By the way, I have a great idea for next weekend. You always wanted to go with Giselle and Toby up to the peak of the Little Cow Horn in the Black Mountains with this new cable car. I already got you tickets and I made reservations for a table in the restaurant for you.«

Now Harold looks at you full of anticipation. What are you going to say now? We will now look into this question in detail.

What do you perceive in people?

How do you sort and classify what you see?

What can you do then?

Before you make a decision whether or not and with who you want to live together, it is helpful to understand what is going on inside a human being. Yes, humans have an »inside«, an inner life. From the outside we cannot always see it immediately, but this is the key to successful coexistence. Whoever can perceive and sort the signals of the inner life of another person can also arrange living together in a way that is beneficial for all.

Observing, seeing, sorting and understanding are therefore the preliminary steps of all decision-making processes. This is not easy, however. Often it is even difficult for the individual person to understand himself. Man is often a mystery to himself. But if this first step already seems to be a serious hurdle, how challenging will it become to proceed and make the right decision?

There are people in very diverse forms and everyone behaves somewhat differently. These differences make the choice complicated. Don't look at the outside first. The exterior is secondary for a successful living together. Pay attention to the inside of the other one first. To do this you must know your own inner self. Then you can relate this to the inside of the other. Then it becomes possible to predict whether you will live together harmoniously with the person of your choice.

In most cases, the key to this is similarity. This applies in any case to the initial phase of the relationship. With this we get to know a first characteristic of the inner life of people: The desire for similarity.

01

Similarity – Blessing and Curse

The overall development process of humans is subject to evolution, as it is with all living beings. People are natural produces. Evolution promotes traits and characteristics that ensure long-term survival. It does not have the survival of a single human being in mind, but the survival of the entire species. For the individual human being this frame of mind is too large. He sees himself primarily as an individual and cares for himself first. You too would like your human companion to feel comfortable as an individual in his or her own life span and perhaps even to develop a little further. In order for this to succeed, it is helpful to take a brief look at the larger evolutionary picture.

In order to survive on this planet as a species, humans need a multitude of different abilities. One person alone does not have all these. Thus, nature has developed a division of labor. Everyone has different abilities in different forms. Note: Everyone (!) has abilities and everyone is a little different. On one hand, this is good because it means that all people together have all the necessary skills. On the other hand, there is the challenge of bringing these differences together in a meaningful way. This requires a very high degree of overview and coordination. An individual cannot achieve this. This in turn requires joint and coordinated action by many people. At this point we recognize a tricky dilemma. Overview and coordination of different capabilities are best achieved by acting together. An individual cannot manage this alone because he lacks an overall view and merely focuses on his individual interests. How can people then even succeed in achieving meaningful joint action? Here we encounter the first contradiction.

Humans are required to cooperate with each other in order to survive as species. But they are focused on being successful as individuals. They are not prepared to cooperate.

You may expect now that people look for other conspecifics that are completely different. This would be the only way to bring together different characteristics and abilities. But evolution has not developed this as the following example shows.

There are people who like to surround themselves with conspecifics. They always want to be near them. Sometimes it goes so far that they literally stick to each other. Being alone is hard for these people. At the same time, there are people who need more space for themselves, want to be alone and spread out without having to constantly look after another person. Both are fine. Nature has produced both. Both belong to the differences that are important for survival. Now when these two different people meet, the following happens inside of them. Both immediately recognize the differences and THINK: He is different from me and that is actually interesting and good. At the same time, they both FEEL: But the other one is really too exhausting for me and I don't want to get involved in that for the time being.

There is therefore no connection. That which would make life easier and more successful for all people together is often perceived as uncomfortable and disturbing by the individual. What he finds pleasant and desirable, on the other hand, is similarity. Most people feel sympathetic to other people when they feel that they are like themselves. But if people mainly like people who are similar, then only similar qualities and abilities are combined. Diversity, which is essential for survival is thus restricted and cannot fully develop.

This is another astonishing contradiction.

Potentials unfold through diversity. But people tend to look for their own similar kind.

What nature had in mind is still a mystery. In order to materialize their desire for connection and unfoldment of inherent potentials, people therefore need similarity as a bridge to diversity. This is not a question of external similarities, such as size, weight, appearance, clothing or the preferred car brand, but of internal ones. According to which characteristics are similarities and differences sorted? People actually have distinct inner strategies here. Very fine instincts are at work. In order to be able to sort relevant characteristics of conspecifics, humans must first of all perceive them. And they are capable of doing that. Often unconsciously. Humans are very finely constructed creatures. The first glance at the exterior is sometimes deceptive. This insight leads to the next obvious thought. People are also very sensitive with this inner subtlety. There is hardly a species that gets sick faster, especially internally and emotionally. If you are already considering to maybe refrain from acquiring a human, then this would be completely understandable. This is a responsible and very complex task. Nevertheless, it is advisable to learn a bit more about the secret inner life of a human before you make a final decision. Experience has shown that living together with humans can provide some very happy moments.

02

Six Strengths for One World

The fine perception of people is like a high-resolution radar [2]. When you meet a person for the first time, they will scan you very carefully and meticulously, like at the airport when you go through a body scanner. The scanner better not find anything that irritates or disturbs it. Then it immediately sends a warning signal, but not loudly, rather in complete silence, not perceptible to outsiders. Man does it the same way. He would not utter and address what he perceives aloud, but would turn away from you inconspicuously. This would mean that living together would be under an unhappy star from the beginning on.

How does this mysterious radar work? What is it searching for? When does it send warning signals? This radar is a brain function. Neuroscientists assume that the human brain has not evolved for an estimated 150,000 years because there is no evolutionary pressure [3]. The radar of humans accordingly is an ancient version. But that does not mean that it is useless. On the contrary. We can assume that man is equipped by nature with everything he needs for his survival and development. Nature therefore adds nothing new. Man must do everything else himself. The challenge is to overcome one's own inner contradictions, to activate a fine feeling for the realization of one's special abilities and to network with other people. Then he becomes who he could be.

People have six outstanding abilities, which are in fine balance with each other. Sensitivity is already one of these abilities. First of all, people are resilient and elastic. They can bear a lot. They are also sensitive and empathic. They can record and process the finest signals. This enables empathy. Empathy means that the respective person is able to perceive others very precisely and at the same time reflect on himself at any time. This fine perceptual sensor enables him to transfer his experiences and lessons learned to other contexts. With this transfer ability he can translate inner processes into outer action and from the outer action he can gain material for his inner processes. This extends his radius of perception, makes him mobile and creative. He can think possible options for action into the future and recognize and assess their consequences before they even take place. Transferability and anticipation are the core of human intelligence. Everything experienced and learned unfolds only when it is transferred to concrete life situations and realized in action.

An idea only becomes an innovation when it manifests itself externally with benefits for others.

These two mental steps are very demanding and at the same time the key to human success. They allow an almost limitless space for creative action, especially for joint action.

At a glance. The six special abilities of humans are:

Joining forces means giving space to these abilities, developing them and using them jointly in a meaningful way. These skills are interlinked. Without elasticity and resilience there is no sensitivity and empathy, without empathy there is no self-reflection, and without a well-functioning self-reflection at the end of this chain cooperation will not succeed. We already suspect, that, due to the sensitivity of humans, minor disturbances are sufficient to upset this fine linkage of abilities. Resilience becomes the constituent factor for the development of people. Giving them a feeling of security and stability opens up this space for growth. We must therefore treat the human species with care and protect them. That is why we begin our journey into the human interior with a look at their most sensitive instrument, the often-unknown perceptual radar.

03

The Ultra-Fine Inner Radar

The diversity of human abilities begins with sensitivity and empathy. They are responsible for the sensitive radar. Surprisingly, people are often not aware of this fine instrument. Even unconsciously it fulfils its full function. In this case, however, the intercepted signals are not consciously processed, sorted and classified. They generate rather diffuse but nevertheless effective emotional impulses to move towards people or to distance oneself. Under the effect of disconnection, self-reflection and transferability do not develop to their full capacity. Thus, stable and purposeful behavior is only possible to a limited extent. Nevertheless, this radar effectively decides on the next steps a person takes. Let us think back once again to Harold in his professional environment. His colleagues receive multiple and therefore ambiguous signals, cannot consciously classify them and are consequently confused. The confusion leads to feelings of disturbance. The colleagues are annoyed. This could result in conflicts. This could be avoided. Harold is, as we will see later, a completely normal person. He only has an unusually large number of interests and talents, which he rather uses without focus. Whoever knows this and can sort and understand these behaviors gives Harold a safe and structured space. There he will be able to use his skills for the benefit of others. Awareness of these inner processes avoids conflicts and promotes joint action.

There are probably three main reasons for the development of the radar: Recognizing danger - hunting - partner selection. People are easily frightened. Fear of hunger, need and all kinds of dangers. In the end they are afraid of death. In order to protect themselves from this, people began early on to organize themselves into groups. Probably similarity of needs and habitat for this was the binder. At the same time, a feeling of difference and individuality compared to other groups developed, up to a feeling of competition, antagonism and enmity. Between groups of people the same principle applies as between individuals. Here too, joint action ensures survival. And here too, the need for similarity stands in the way of joint action with others. This results in a new source of danger: other people. People are afraid of people [1 - page →]. This sounds strange, contradictory and rather nonsensical, but at the same time it is reality. The fact is, humans are very sensitive and therefore very vulnerable. The radar is therefore used to a large extent to assess inconveniences or dangers at an early stage, including those caused by people. At the same time, humans learned early on that they need cooperation partners in order to survive successfully, for example when hunting together. This has brought forth another ability in him. He is very observant. Are you familiar with this situation? You are standing at a bus stop, waiting and have the strange feeling that someone is watching you. What do you feel then? Are you happy about it? No, probably not. Those who feel »watched« notice this very quickly. They get nervous after about 10 seconds. The brain signals: Someone's watching me. The instinctive feeling of becoming prey of a hunt arises. If this condition continues a little longer, the human body will develop an increasingly strong defense reaction. So, avoid watching people for too long. They could then become restless and unfriendly.

In addition to danger assessment and hunting, humans naturally also need the radar for partner selection. Deep down he looks for connections with other people that are safe, meaningful, reliable and profitable. Details are important and therefore his radar is also very finely tuned. There is an infinite number of signals that have an effect on people. The natural radar filters out the most important signals and sorts them in order of importance. This order varies according to the type of person and situation. Twelve criteria are in the foreground.

Is the other person a danger to me or is he peaceful?

Is the other one present? Is he »with me« or is he focused on himself only?

Does he notice me? Will I be seen or does he only see himself?

Is he interested in me as a person or does he see me only in my function or usefulness?

Does he meet me with appreciation and respect or does he behave in a pejorative and disrespectful manner?

Can I easily assess him or does he behave ambiguous and unclear?

Is he like me? Are we similar?

Is he competent? Is he able? Is he useful for me?

Does he »shine« for what he does or does he do this just because he has to?

Is he willing to use his skills for my purposes? Does he judge my interests as at least as important as his own or does he represent my interests maybe even with a higher priority (»First serve, then earn«)?

Can I rely on him permanently or do I have to fear that he will break his promises?

Does he remain stable and reliable even under pressure and adversity?

Only when ALL of these criteria are fulfilled does a person feel safe and comfortable and begins to build trust. If one of these criteria is not met, he is irritated and his scan reacts with a warning signal. The scan then continues with particular intensity. This costs energy and creates feelings of disruption that hinder trust-building and stable relationships. Trust is the prerequisite for lasting and binding joint action. This term is often used inaccurately and misunderstood as an emotional »soft factor«. Behind this is the logical structure of the inner radar with its precise criteria and situation-specific filter strategies. If the signals are unclear, this radar runs almost non-stop. A radar in continuous use costs energy and the brain finds this extremely unpleasant. If instead someone passes the radar positively, the brain can relax, reduce energy consumption to a low-power mode and begin to feel comfortable. People then often say that the »chemistry« is right or they are on the same »wavelength« and that now they can be truly themselves. They associate this state with the feeling and the term »trust«. Now joint action is possible without reservation.

At this point, please ask yourself:

Am I friendly and are others safe with me?

Am I present when interacting with others?

Do I see others or am I mostly focused on myself?

Can I discover interesting aspects in others?

Am I appreciative and respectful?

Am I easily »readable« for others?

Can I create a mutual feeling of similarity with others?

Do I have anything meaningful to give? Do I contribute in a way which is useful for others?

Do I »shine« for what I do?

Do I put the other's benefits into the foreground of my action [»First you, then me«]

Am I constantly reliable?

Do I remain stable under stress, stay connected and being capable of acting?

In general people enjoy all these abilities. At the slightest uncertainty, however, they quickly get out of step and then send contrary signals. Then the trust breaks or it doesn't build up at all. The radar is like a sensitive feeler. It gropes its way forward carefully. At the slightest resistance it flinches. Here we recognize another contradiction that makes living and cooperating together more difficult.

People look for trusting relationships. At the same time, they do not fully trust in advance. The other feels this and withdraws. If he withdraws, the other one withdraws also. A vicious circle unfolds. One of them has to keep his feelers on. Even if the other one twitches. Someone has to take the first step and not give up immediately in case of failure. But who?

Trust is the prerequisite for joining forces. Setting it up is an extremely sensitive and easily disturbed process. Without trust, however, there can be no joint action. Again, we find ourselves in the well-known dilemma. That is why the attempt to join forces requires your full commitment and the utmost attention. Above all, it requires the confident handling of the amazing sensitivity and strange contradictions of people.

04

The Strange Self-Centeredness

If we take another look at the structure of the radar, three elements stand out:

Am I seen by the other?

Is it easy for me to »read« the other?

Are we similar?

Here we recognize another contradictory subtlety. People want to be seen [4]. That makes them happy. But they do not want to be watched. It makes them nervous. What's the difference? A person who watches and observes another person remains - to use the language of the hunter - under cover. He's keeping a low profile. He does not reveal himself. He's evading the other guy's radar. The latter then cannot assess it and has no possibility of orientation. This leads to uncertainty and resistance. Watching is thus not an act of empathy and cooperation, but an act of demarcation, self-protection and possibly even prey behavior. Scientists say that one turns the other into an »object«. This is clearly an unfavorable signal if we want to win people's trust. A more effective signal is: I see you. Even more effective signals are: