9,99 €
Mehr erfahren.
- Herausgeber: tredition
- Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
- Sprache: Englisch
99% of Your Problems are in Your Head Your subconscious has been following a self-fulfilling prophecy since childhood. Discover what’s written in your prophecy and how to effortlessly turn it around. Better prophecy, better life. I. The Cellar, the Child, the Monsters, and the Hero With the model of the inner child, your subconscious becomes your strongest ally. Together, you can achieve any goal. II. The Lexicon of Spells Here you’ll find the affirmations you truly need—affirmations that actually work. Everything is ready and waiting for you. Understand how others "tick"—read it in black and white. III. A View Beyond Your Biology and Programming Perception, transformation, and unconditional love—this is who you are. Write your own prophecy, redefine who you are, and create the life you desire!
Das E-Book können Sie in Legimi-Apps oder einer beliebigen App lesen, die das folgende Format unterstützen:
Seitenzahl: 286
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
Ähnliche
Free bonus content for this book is available at
https://dieprophezeiung.de/boni
The Prophecy About You
© 2022, 2024 Gabriela Herold, dieprophezeiung.de, [email protected]
Cover design by Gabriela Herold using Canva
Translation by Lisa Ndilimeke
Additional translation and editing by B³
Softcover ISBN: 978-3-384-46899-4 E-Book ISBN: 978-3-384-46900-7
Printed and distributed on behalf of the author by:tredition GmbH, Heinz-Beusen-Stieg 5, 22926 Ahrensburg, Germany
The work, including its parts, is protected by copyright. The author is responsiblefor the content, and any use is prohibited without her consent. The publication anddistribution are carried out on behalf of the author, reachable at: tredition GmbH,Department “Impressumservice”, Heinz-Beusen-Stieg 5, 22926 Ahrensburg,Germany.
Contact according to EU : [email protected]
Contact address in accordance with the EU General Product Safety Regulation:[email protected]
Disclaimer
“The Prophecy About You” helps shed light on the negatives you may have been unaware of until now. It also shows you how to reverse these automatic thought patterns into positives and leverage them to your advantage in all areas of life moving forward. The book offers many useful ideas for this, but none of it is meant to be an ultimate solution for everything or everyone.Above all, this book reflects how I personally became aware of my thoughts — even the unpleasant ones.If you’re interested in what mindfulness regarding one’s own thought patterns can look like, and if you want to learn techniques to counter deeply rooted negativity that have worked for me and led to a completely new level of positivity, then you’ve found the right book.
However, there are some things that this book is not and cannot be: namely, anything that falls under the category of “professional help.” This book is not a substitute for psychotherapy, medical treatment, debt counseling, financial planning, career coaching, marriage counseling, or legal advice.
I, the author, assume no liability if “The Prophecy About You” is mistakenly used as a substitute for professional help.
This book has been carefully created and reviewed. However, all information is provided without warranty. Furthermore, I, the author, assume no liability for any disadvantages or damages that may result from following the advice given in the book.
The Prophecy About You
This book is a journey of self-discovery, where you will slay a few monsters.
Beware! This book is insensitive. It’s not for people who believe “It’s not my fault” is more important than “I am happy”.
This book gathers many uncomfortable truths. Those who have already gained experience in personal development know how valuable such things are. An uncomfortable truth that makes you angry is like a mirror in your blind spot. It shows you what still holds you back; and of course, it makes you angry when you realize that you are being hindered on your path. It’s important not to just dismantle this new mirror in your blind spot, assuming your anger and the discovered problem will also disappear.
You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in yourway.Jennifer Freeman (American actress)
If you do what almost no one can, if you face your own monsters and demons and make them your greatest allies, then you will achieve much, much more than everyone else. But the very first result will be that you will be much, much happier. Happiness – that’s what it’s all about, on this Earth. So, look bravely and lovingly in the mirror, because that is the core idea of every life story.
About me
I am Gabriela Herold.
I studied German Studies, English Studies, Education, and also Developmental Psychology. I hold two state examinations and worked as a secondary school teacher from 2013 to 2024, engaging with children, teenagers, and parents. In 2020, I became a mother myself.
In 2024, I finally manifested my dream job: becoming a full-time martial arts instructor for children. This was made possible through the principles and insights I share in this book.
I am not a psychologist, though. I have meticulously researched what works and I apply it. I use the magic of language every day. It really exists, and it can be explained psychologically.
In psychology, the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy has been known since 1911.However, very few people are aware of the (negative!) self-fulfilling prophecies they live by, and that they have a choice.
You can decide what is written in your prophecy and what becomes true: “Money is not important,” or “My needs are important, so money is important.” “Admirable people love others more than me,” or “I choose people who recognize my worth.”
I simply replaced my self-fulfilling prophecies in all areas of life.
And that’s no secret formula.
Contents
Part I.
TheBasement,theChild,theMonsters,andtheHero
This is a story you’ve likely heard many times before: An emotional orphan with great potential is adopted by a rational adult. The adult appears cold but is full of love. This adult then becomes the most important person in the child’s life, capable of defeating monsters and teaching the child to do the same.
In the Witcher saga by the Polish author Andrzej Sapkowski, a young princess with magical powers (the inner child) is adopted by a monster hunter (the consciousness) who looks just like her. He finds her in a dark forest (in the subconscious). Princess Cirilla fulfills a prophecy and saves the world from destruction in the video game “The Witcher 3.” She only survives if Geralt, the monster hunter, plays with her, mourns with her, and lets her express her anger beforehand.
The British author J.K. Rowling created Harry Potter. The boy (the inner child) lives in a cupboard under the stairs (in the subconscious). He is hidden by his aunt from Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters (the monsters). In the third book, “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” he gets back on the Hogwarts Express, a train at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, which is reached by running through a stone wall (also symbolizing the subconscious). During the trip to Hogwarts, the train is searched by Dementors (monsters) looking for Harry’s godfather Sirius Black (the consciousness is “missed” by the monsters; the monsters actually seek the attention of the consciousness). Harry is an orphan, and the pain in his soul makes him particularly susceptible to the Dementors. He is nearly kissed to death by a Dementor, the personified fear, and in that moment, hears his mother’s last scream. Just in the nick of time, the hero appears: His new teacher, Remus Lupin (the consciousness), repels the Dementor by manifesting a happy memory.The teacher Severus Snape also symbolizes the hero and represents a very specific side of consciousness: That mean inner voice with which a person constantly puts themselves down — for their own protection.Harry Potter eventually fulfills a prophecy and saves the world from Voldemort.
In Dragon Ball Z, a manga and anime by the Japanese author Akira Toriyama, Son Gohan (inner child) is trained by Piccolo after his father’s death. Piccolo is tall and strict (the consciousness) and teaches the initially very teary boy proper fighting techniques in a remote desert (subconscious), because soon two evil “Saiyans” (monsters) will land on Earth. Son Gohan has enormous potential, is more powerful than Piccolo; he just needs to learn to control his powers. Piccolo is the ultimate protector and gives his life for Son Gohan (the inner child is put first). Son Gohan exceeds all expectations of him, thereby fulfilling his prophecy, and even saves the whole world with the magic spell “Kamehame-Ha” during the Cell Saga.
Any creative output comes from the subconscious. Stories are the daydreams of the subconscious. The basement, the child, the monsters, and the hero - this story is told across the globe. From it, we can understand how our subconscious desires a relationship with the consciousness: It wants a mentor, a godparent, a protector, and a best friend.
The moment has come for you to take on the role of the hero.In your life, it’s time for such a magical child who can save the world.
This book can lead you to dark, underground spaces and unlock them for you. A magical child lives in the basement and waits for you. It fights monsters there with bad spells. The child needs your help and new spells so that you can transform the monsters together.
Open the dark treasury!
Good, the book has found its way into your hands. That means you are the person I’ve been waiting for all along. An epic quest awaits you.I am a wizard child and can fulfill your wishes, but unfortunately, I am locked in a big, dark basement and have to fight terribly tough monsters!Turn the page, the book shows you where the treasury is, where I live. There are also new, better spells for me in the book. If you come and teach them to me, we can transform and thus defeat the monsters together.For every defeated monster, you will get a reward from me! I can then use my powers for you! Together we can make the impossible possible! Is there something you’ve always wanted? Sounds incredible? It’s meant absolutely seriously. Are you coming to help me? Shall we approach the beasts sensibly together? Do you even dare to enter the dark chamber full of monsters?
1The place where your prophecy is kept
Your prophecy is located in a huge, dark cellar. It is in your subconscious mind.
Maybe you have read books about the subconscious mind before. This is something new. It helps you recognize what is stored in your subconscious so you can decide if and what you want to replace it with. You don’t have to fumble around in the dark chamber; instead, you can step in and call it up. As if you were going through an attendance list, you can look for an answer by asking about typical problems with the help of this book. You can read word for word in the story you keep telling yourself in the “Lexicon of Spells” and then rewrite it. You can see line by line the prophecy you are living by and then adjust the wording to your liking.
The subconscious is commonly explained through the iceberg model, where the conscious mind represents the visible tip of the iceberg, while the larger portion underneath the water symbolizes the subconscious. This hidden part, the subconscious, helps explain why the iceberg drifts in the “wrong” direction in water.
While we are asleep, it is only our subconscious that is functioning. It creates a dream world that we believe to be real while we are in slumber. Have you ever dreamt of a house or a building during the night? The house is the image chosen by the subconscious in a dream to represent you and your psyche. The way the house is constructed in the dream mirrors the construction of your life. Similarly, the condition of the house reflects your own state of being.Typically, in dreams, a house will have a huge, hidden cellar with poor lighting – this cellar symbolizes the subconscious self. Within its confines lie all repressed thoughts, things one does not wish to openly acknowledge, including aspects of personal identity, sexuality, and emotional vulnerability. The cellar also forms the foundation of the house, representing the dreamer’s life energy. A child rules over the cellar, a child full of intense emotions, primarily fear. The child uses powerful beliefs as spells against monsters.1
In the model of the human brain, consciousness is situated in the small, above-ground part of the house. When it becomes quiet in the upper part of the house and consciousness seeks relaxation, the repressed contents in the cellar create loud disturbances: a child within keeps monsters at bay by casting ancient spells.This generally unsettles consciousness, prompting it to have a drink for relaxation and raise the volume of the TV.Throughout the day, consciousness has to deal with occasional unwanted mail in the upper part of the house — “Who ordered this!?” Unexpected visitors ring the doorbell, whom one certainly did not invite. Meanwhile, in the garden, weeds proliferate as if being fertilized.
Dreams are created by the subconscious in the reward center of the brain.All creativity, such as stories, also originates from the subconscious.Our perception of reality is a story that we tell ourselves.
Ultimately, everything serves the purpose of wish fulfillment. Even unpleasant dreams are wish fulfillment, as all fears are actually wishes whose impossibility we fear. Furthermore, upon awakening from sleep, consciousness often has to acknowledge:
“Dreams are made to be forgotten.”Mark Solms (Professor of Neuropsychology at the Univ. of Cape Town)
We have a desire to clear our minds through our dreams. Our dreams serve to process our experiences. 2
Everything we see in our dreams provides insight into the subconscious, and everything in our lives can be traced back to it as well.
When we observe something in our reality and think, “Okay, this is definitely not wish fulfillment, this is a nightmare!” our wish is for that nightmare to be resolved. Our wish is to dissolve the negative self-fulfilling prophecy underlying a bad situation. We seek healing and the dissolution of internal falsehoods, aiming to free ourselves from limiting thoughts.
Just as dreams are made to be forgotten, our problems are made to question and forget negative beliefs.
And just as we can decode and interpret dreams, we can interpret our lives.
“Everything we are is a result of what we have thought.”Buddha (563-483 v. Chr.)
You can get a rough idea of the stuff in your gigantic cellar by simply looking at your life. What constantly goes well, and what consistently goes wrong? How do you feel about love, family, career, money, wealth, body, and health? Where do you feel bad? Where does a disaster always occur when you make progress? What “can you simply not do,” where “can you not break out of your shell”?
Moreover, there are problems you might not even be aware of. Not every potential for improvement in your life is clear to you.
The way things look, smell, sound, taste, and the way the atmosphere feels inside the house is exactly how it is outside.
Conscious and unconscious thoughts lead to feelings, which lead to actions, and these actions lead to results.
However, your thoughts and feelings not only influence your own actions but also those of others.
The human brain contains mirror neurons. When another person yawns, your brain and body feel an irresistible urge to do the same. You are constantly emitting signals to those around you, influencing how they should interact with you on a subconscious level. This communication happens effortlessly through your body language, microexpressions, hormones, and scent. You don’t explicitly tell someone, “By the way, I would appreciate it if you flirt with me” or “I’m used to always fighting for everything, so don’t make it too easy for me here.” Your subconscious creates your aura, and the subconscious of others can sense this “vibe” from ten meters away.If you change your prophecy, you will quickly see it reflected in the behavior of others.
Your subconscious mind continues to shape your entire perception and thus your entire reality.
In the human brain, the thalamus is responsible for determining which stimuli from the environment are perceived and processed. Generally, the brain prioritizes information perceived as essential for survival. If something is not considered “true” in your subconscious, you won’t be able to perceive it with your senses due to selective perception and stimulus filtering.Are you viewing life through glasses that have been tainted with blood for decades?Or in the words of philosopher, psychotherapist, and communication scientist Paul Watzlawick: “For the person who only knows how to usea hammer, every problem appears to be a nail.” (translated by the author)
You are likely familiar with this optical illusion: a chalice or two faces in profile? If you had never seen a chalice before, you would only see the two faces. However, if you had a chalice phobia, you would see only the dreadful chalice and close the book in fright before even processing the faces in profile.Your brain can only perceive a small part of reality at a time. You can teach your brain to focus differently. You can also teach your brain to judge events more to your advantage. This can turn your entire reality upside down. Your perception is your individual reality.
“For a heart full of joy, everything appears cheerful, fora heart burdened with sorrow, everything seems gloomy.”Martin Luther, German theologian and reformer, 1483 – 1546
The prophecy in your subconscious is a collection of many different beliefs. Each belief in itself is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“A self-fulfilling prophecy” means that a person’s — usually unconscious — preconceptions about a situation lead that person to actually experience the situation exactly as assumed.
For example, if you believe “I have to do everything on my own,” you will by default not ask anyone for help and consequently end up having to do everything on your own. It would be much more useful to believe: “It is wise to seek help from someone who is knowledgeable.”
If you unconsciously believe “I can’t cope on my own,” it leads to you not doing anything alone. You don’t want to live alone, go to sports alone, tackle anything alone. Having a partner is a prerequisite, or you simply avoid doing these things altogether. As a result, you deprive yourself of the experience of handling these things on your own. You never build a trusting relationship with yourself and end up living a life that looks exactly like this: “I can’t cope on my own.”
Negative beliefs thus continually confirm themselves, making it challenging to even consider questioning them. They were relevant and impactful yesterday, and they remain so today.You could instead remind yourself: “I take pride in my skills and discipline,” and “I enjoy my solitude.”
Our perceptions of others can shape their behavior, as demonstrated by how a teacher’s expectations can influence a student’s performance.However, our opinions about others often reflect our own self-perceptions.Saying “People who wear glasses are smart” actually means “I view people with glasses as intelligent.” Similarly, “Money corrupts character” translates to “I fear that if I had more money, it might bring out my worst traits.”
The negative beliefs lurking in your subconscious can lead to unhappiness and shape your reality in ways you might not recognize.These beliefs affect how you interpret life’s events and can block self-love by promoting a negative self-image.
The second part of this book, “Lexicon of Spells,” offers insights into these negative beliefs and suggests ways to replace them with new, empowering prophecies.
When dealing with external changes, we might dream of climbing mountains or traveling by train, symbolizing our journey through challenges. Dreaming of riding a train without a ticket could reveal a belief like “I don’t fully belong (here),” embodying the hope that we can succeed by pretending until we do.Once we’ve achieved our goals, such dream motifs typically fade away.
By connecting with our inner selves, the conflicts we face in the external world could be greatly reduced.
“The universe is full of magical things patiently waitingfor our wits to grow sharper.”Eden Phillpotts
Even if you’re skeptical about the influence of your subconscious on your reality, give it a chance. In today’s world, tangible outcomes are what convince us. Nothing speaks louder than practical results that make us feel good, solve a problem, or bring financial gain. Begin now, and let the positive outcomes be the proof of your subconscious’s power. You’ll experience a shift:
first within yourself,
then you’ll see changes in how others interact with you,
and eventually, you’ll encounter serendipities that align with your newly shaped beliefs.
“There is nothing on earth that you cannot have once youhave mentally accepted the fact that you can have it.”Robert Collier, author (1885-1950)
“Only by making the unconscious conscious can we stop itfrom controlling our lives and calling it fate.”Carl Gustav Jung (translated by the author)
“Happiness isn’t handed to us by fate; it’s the result of ourown internal stance.”Erich Fromm
2The Dark Cellar – An Immense Treasure Room
The power of the subconscious mind represents mankind’s most formidable asset. It’s our subconscious that places us at the pinnacle of all living creatures, ensuring our survival leveraging an unparalleled adaptability. Despite other animals surpassing us in speed, vision, hearing, or smell, none can match the complex capabilities of the human brain.
Our brain enables us to adjust flawlessly to our birth environments, setting up survival mechanisms early in life that function effortlessly thereafter.Highly efficient.The subconscious prioritizes efficiency and the avoidance of pain above all, always seeking the quickest, most familiar routes to protect us.
This inherent drive aligns with Darwin’s principle of “Survival of the fittest,” which is often misunderstood to suggest the triumph of the physically strongest or most intelligent.However, the essence of Darwin’s message is about adaptability. As he puts it, survival goes to “not the strongest of the species that survives,nor the most intelligent, but the one most adaptable to change.” Hence, Charles Darwin, the pioneering naturalist, emphasizes that being the “fittest” means being the most suited or well-adapted, much like finding the perfect fit in clothing.
It’s not about conquering others. Success doesn’t come from aggression; instead, it’s the ability to adapt and endure tough situations that truly allows one to thrive.
Humans have a unique duality: our greatest asset can also be our most significant vulnerability. Our subconscious acts as a survival mechanism, always prioritizing our basic needs, often at the expense of our conscious goals.
Take dieting as an example. Initially, conscious decision-making leads us to choose healthier eating habits. However, under stress or when confronted with tempting situations — like passing by your favourite deli — our subconscious kicks in, drawn to familiar comforts, thus overriding our conscious efforts to stick to a diet.
“The mind is an enemy to those who do not control it.” This quote from the ancient Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad Gita, highlights the struggle. While it’s possible to discipline the subconscious with sheer willpower, our reserves of willpower are finite and best tapped into early in the day. Given we have between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts daily, controlling them all is a Herculean task. As a result, many resolutions falter by day’s end, especially when we’re close to reaching our goals but just need to push a bit further.Though mastering our emotions can help steer our thoughts in a more positive direction, few succeed without inadvertently suppressing these feelings, which can lead to them surfacing unexpectedly later on. (For methods on how to deal with negative emotions, see Chapter 7: Transforming Negative Feelings and Thoughts.)
Your brain generates your thoughts and, as a consequence, your feelings. Thoughts and feelings move you to actions, and these actions result in outcomes.
Thoughts → Feelings → Action → Outcome → confirms the thoughts → Feelings → etc.
Most thoughts are automatically generated by the subconscious.
Your thoughts and feelings are crucial to your quality of life. No matter where you are, you are always in your head.
However, your subconscious is in survival mode. It does not care about the quality of life! It’s about sheer survival. It continuously produces “I must survive!” thoughts and feelings.
“Man is so poor when he wants nothing but to survive.”Sigmund Freud
Your automatic mode is set on survival. This mode is identified by constant fear, anxiety, and overthinking about potential dangers.
But clinging to such an outdated mode does not serve your best interests. What do you aspire to — mere survival or to thrive fully in your life? Would you prefer to live in fear or embrace happiness?
Our advancement as humans is largely due to our subconscious, allowing us to theoretically move beyond mere survival.It’s crucial, then, to recalibrate and switch our subconscious from a focus on survival to one of happiness.This shift represents a new evolutionary milestone for humankind.
Attempting to change often feels like battling our own subconscious. There is a psychological approach to this, known as the inner child model. This method involves imagining your subconscious as a vulnerable, scared child. It’s unlikely you’d choose to fight a child like this. Instead, by nurturing a supportive relationship, you can align it with your conscious efforts. This inner child deeply desires a strong bond with your conscious self.
Our ancestors have struggled so that we can reach this point of development. With the privilege of metacognition — the ability to think about our own thoughts — we’re no longer bound to spend all our efforts on surviving. The fight or flight from predators, the battle against the elements, although not necessary today, still feels instinctual.
By navigating your own journey through this book and molding the lessons to fit the present year, 2024, you’re setting a foundation that your children and grandchildren, especially those under ten, can easily absorb and follow.
3The Eight Characteristics of the Subconscious Mind
3.1Fighting Spirit: The Quintessence of the Subconscious
Historically, humans have been entwined in a ceaseless battle for survival, finding a semblance of peace in Germany only post-May 1945.The notion that life’s purpose is centered on personal happiness and development is a relatively recent idea, one that our subconscious is yet to fully embrace.
3.1.1The Tendency to Frame Reality Within Conflict, The Drama Triangle
Folktales and epic narratives have traditionally employed the drama triangle as a structural element. Stephen Karpman further introduced this concept into the realm of psychology.This model suggests that in any social interaction, individuals tend to assume one of three roles within this triangle: the aggressor, the victim, or the savior. This confines our potential, labeling us as less than we truly are.These dynamics of the drama triangle often serve as a self-fulfilling prophecy. We might unconsciously choose a role, only to find ourselves further entrenched in it by external forces.For instance, upon discovering someone has been speaking ill of me behind my back, I am faced with a choice: adopt the role of either the victim or the aggressor. If I opt to respond harshly and confront the individual, I then assume the role of the aggressor. If unfortunate, the gossip may subsequently play the victim, seeking out a protector who they can convince of my supposedly unwarranted rudeness, resulting solely from a misunderstanding on their part. The protector, perhaps inadvertently, might attempt to mediate, investing their efforts in a conflict that, in an ideal world, two mature individuals could resolve independently if so desired. Any resolution would, however, dissolve the intricate dynamics of the drama, thus ending the engaging narrative.
“If your life is bound up in confronting foes, you becomedependent on their existence for your own purpose.”Friedrich Nietzsche
When neutral events occur, we often instinctively slot them into the Drama Triangle’s roles of victim, persecutor, or rescuer — even when it involves inanimate objects or natural occurrences.Consider a man in his forties who begins to lose his hair. He perceives himself as a victim of hair loss, with aging acting as the persecutor, and a medical prescription becoming the rescuer.However, hair loss is a part of the natural aging process and fighting each lost hair is futile. Research indicates that many women find baldness appealing.So, why the fuss? The medication, seen as the hero, benefits from sales and offers a solution. Yet, it doesn’t tackle the underlying problem: a lack of confidence. Furthermore, healthy individuals who might not need this treatment are exposed to risks like impotence and depression. Is it justified to prescribe such a drug to someone who is otherwise healthy? (I can’t provide a definitive answer since I’m not a physician.)
Each attempt at rescue only deepens the victim’s plight, leading to depressive states and metaphorical impotence.
“I’m not sufficient as I am” leads us to become saviors seeking self-value in the act of rescuing others, implying that rescue should never fully succeed.“I’m not sufficient as I am” positions us as victims, who bask in the attention from both a savior and an aggressor, enabling a regression to a childlike state.“I’m not sufficient as I am” also shapes us into aggressors, under the false assumption that aggression is synonymous with strength, and demeaning others elevates one’s stature.
The Drama Triangle further illustrates these roles: the inner child as the victim, the monsters as the aggressors, and the hero, or our conscious self, as the rescuer.Our ultimate desire is for the hero to rescue our inner child from the monsters. The Drama Triangle, thus, encapsulates the essence of social dynamics, born from this longing; it’s a manifestation of our deepest yearnings enacted through millennia-old behaviors.
There is more exploration on the Drama Triangle in the later section 9.8.2: “Indivi-Duality,” and it is often referenced in Part II, “Establishing Boundaries.”
3.1.2The Lure of Difficulty
Our subconscious is drawn to the allure of challenge. It insists that everything of value must be won through struggle.
Phrases like “I must fight” and “I must earn my success” embody some of the most potent negative self-fulfilling prophecies.
The notion that something of no cost holds no value pervades our thinking. We often feel unworthy of easy gains, dismissing them as undeserved.
Crafting books and documenting knowledge have always been passions of mine. As a young child living with my grandmother, I created a book using a small ringed notebook titled “What I already can do and know.” I filled its pages with colorful illustrations and notes on my learnings. One morning, I discovered that my grandmother had added a page of numbers I was unfamiliar with. Upset that she had tampered with my book, I felt robbed of the challenge to learn and record these numbers myself. Since these numbers were part of a learning challenge I had yet to conquer, their presence seemed unearned. The beauty of the ring notebook was that the premature addition from my grandmother could easily be removed.
Other examples of the mindset that we must struggle for reward, and that unearned gifts hold little value include:
Many are turned off by others who appear “easy to get,” not solely in terms of promiscuity. Even when someone sincerely seeks a committed relationship and is open about their intentions, it can be perceived as uninteresting.
The belief persists that earning money should be difficult. Enjoyable activities don’t count as legitimate work. Out of a false sense of honour, one does not take money for work that was a pleasure to do, since being paid might diminish future joy derived from that activity.
An item is perceived as more valuable when its price is high. Charging a substantial amount for online coaching is crucial to ensure participants engage seriously. Generally, a higher price indicates increased usefulness, enhancing the appeal of an offer.
The gift of health is not appreciated; healthy bodies are poisoned and poorly treated. When an illness finally develops, health is mourned, and sometimes the harmful behaviour is then stopped. Health is a ’normal state’ that one can only be happy about immediately after a recovery.
Feeling frustrated by a challenge often leads to sweeping self-criticism: “I must not deserve it. Maybe I’m not capable.” Such thoughts hinder finding solutions.
On the other hand, those tired of believing they must toil for rewards may shift to a childish entitlement, growing defiant and upset if results do not simply fall from the sky like a lightning-fried bird, ready to be eaten. This attitude is further discussed in Chapter 8.4: “Overcoming the Mother and Savior Complex.”
The dynamics of the drama triangle and the refusal to accept “gifts” illustrate a deep-seated belief that “Life is a struggle,” where one must either emerge victorious or succumb, adopting the roles of a child or a victim.
Suggested update: I have fought enough once and for all! Today, I decide: I (no longer fight, but) love myself. Life is meant to be an enjoyable game, a journey filled with discovery.
Sure, there are achievements and qualifications that must be genuinely earned — a free pass wouldn’t be beneficial to anyone. For instance, being granted a professional degree without the actual expertise would serve no good purpose.Furthermore, some gifts can turn out to be more of a curse if we’re not equipped to manage them responsibly. The examples are plenty:
A high-speed, brand-new car in the hands of an inexperienced and insecure driver,
A lottery jackpot landing in the hands of someone who deep down feels unworthy of wealth and ends up squandering it,
Inheriting a luxurious mansion that becomes a burden due to high maintenance and utility costs, especially when letting go of such a family treasure seems impossible.
To truly appreciate and wisely use such blessings, one must reach a level of internal maturity that encompasses both self-love and responsibility. This awareness doesn’t mean that life becomes a strain; rather, it’s about recognizing the importance of being prepared for life’s gifts.Updating your belief to this mindset won’t throw you into chaos. Embracing life as a game doesn’t mean there’s no effort involved. Just as in video games, progress often requires repetitive tasks and grinding to level up, but that doesn’t detract from the enjoyment.Viewing life as an exploration journey includes dealing with the tedious parts, like planning and enduring long trips in cramped conditions, because reaching the destination — like a beautiful beach after an exhaustive hike — is incredibly rewarding.
3.2Fixation on One Person: You
Your subconscious and inner child see you as the most important figure in their universe. Whatever your prophecy says about other people, or about money, or about your life circumstances, in truth, it only says something about you.
Feeling envious suggests you harbor negative feelings towards desires you actually crave.Disliking wealth in others indicates a subconscious barrier you’ve erected against acquiring wealth yourself, stemming from a fear of being resented.
The principle “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18) is rooted in the understanding that self-love and the love for others are intertwined; hating others signifies a dissonance within yourself.
The judgments you cast on others are projections of your own self-judgments and limitations. “Remember...that you have no patientother than yourself” (Charles Haanel) underscores this notion of self-reflection.
Your conception of God mirrors your beliefs about yourself. This does not negate God’s existence but highlights how personal biases can color our perception of the divine.If you view God as vengeful or judgmental, it reflects your own tendencies. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged” (Luke 6:37) suggests a reciprocal understanding of judgment.God, who is already everything, needs human obedience and gets offended when He doesn’t receive it? Yes, if you have such a relationship with your fellow humans or if you need to be needed.God potentially cannot get what He wants (e.g., obedience), God can fail? Yes, if you believe in inevitable failure.God behaves indifferently if you are indifferent.God is jealous if you harbor jealousy or if jealousy flatters you.
