Angry Essays - Alcohol addiction, Abuse, Autism, Church, Lawlessness, Assaults, Zen, Christianity, Psychotherapy, Addiction therapy, Analogue, Autism diagnosis, boldness, audacity E-Book

Nieke Horst

• Herausgeber: tredition
• Kategorie: Sachliteratur, Reportagen, Biografien
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 77

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2025

Beschreibung

Here it is: a collection of ‘Angry Essays’ written by Nieke Horst – a diagnosed autistic person who also suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder – over the past few years. They describe periods of her life and experiences with both autistic and neurotypical people. And they are written in a very emotional style, often with a good dose of anger. If you would like to learn more about who Nieke Horst is, I recommend the book ‘ASD? ASB! Autism Spectrum Blessing or inclusion is not a one-way street’. Rolf Horst wrote this biographical narrative, which was published by tredition in 2023.

Leseprobe

‘My three lifelongbackpacksare my blessings’

Nieke Horst

for Rolf

Nieke Horst

Angry Essays

 

About the author: Nieke Horst, today 60, is Asperger Autist, studied German Studies, French, Adult Education and Sports, practiced Japanese Rinzai-Zen for many years in addition to a monastery stay in Japan and with her husband developed her way of living: Simplicity, silence and structure, which makes it possible to live on the edge of a ranged, ignorant NT society. Today she lives with her husband, dog, and cat in northern Germany.

© 2025 Nieke Horst – Contact: [email protected]

ISBN Softcover:      978-3-384-66149-4ISBN Hardcover:       978-3-384-66150-0ISBN E-Book:       978-3-384-66151-7 

Printing and distribution on behalf of the author: tredition GmbH, Heinz-Beusen-Stieg 5, 22926 Ahrensburg, Germany.The work, including its parts, is protected by copyright. The author is responsible for the content. Any utilization is not permitted without its consent. The publication and distribution are on behalf of the author to achieve at: tredition GmbH, Abteilung "Impressumservice", Heinz-Beusen-Stieg 5, 22926 Ahrensburg, Germany.

Contact address according to the EU Product Safety Ordinance: [email protected]

Table of Contents

Prologue             9

I Christianity      

- On the topic of Christianity      11      

- The Christomatically       15 - About the film:

‘The blood trail of the church’      19 - The long road to a presumably correct diagnosis       21

- Jane      25      

- And they tormented me with pleasure      27      

II Zen

- Mole Days      31

- The tumbling in the universe      35

- The arrogance of the masters      37 - Settling scores with a monk      39III Psychotherapy - What a psychological processing

must be like      41 - If I had waited for you, then I would already be dead      47 - The failure to render assistance by

a psychiatrist            49 - Addition for the general practitioner            51 - My failed addiction therapy       53

- Addiction      57       - Hopelessness or the unwanted knowledge of suffering on the way      59 - A slap in the face for abused      61 - Legacy of a survivor      63IV High-functioning autism - What a diagnosis of autism spectrum would change      67- High-functioning autism      71 - On the effectiveness of autistic tools for my system      75 - Analogue      79 - Animals and plants are my friends      83 - The misanthrope      85 - About the incompetence of a psychiatrist      87 - Why am I here      89 - Why I want my husband to be

my carer      93 - „I don’t care“      95 - TV series Dr Ballouz      97 - Too stupid for neurodiversity      99 - Graphic 2023/24       101      V Corona, post-growth economy and

yet the decline of humanity - Corona and the lemmings      103 - Those who don't want to learn

anything      105

- The Televisor      107 - Forced digitisation      109 - The last generation      111 - September 2023 I, II and III      113 - About the audacity at the zebra crossing      119 - The audacity to disregard rules      121 - The last beautiful days      123 - Too stupid for the ‘Great Healing’      125 - And where is the reduction??      127 - About the dumbing down and barbarisation of mankind      129 - Human rights violations      131 - Portrait Rolf      135 - Portrait Nieke      137VI Epilogue ‘I give up’      139

VII Media references and sources      141 

Prologue

Do you know this? You are an expert in a particular subject, but whenever it comes to that exact topic, you are ignored, not consulted, and your expertise is not sought. This has been Nieke Horst's experience her entire life, even when it concerned her own self.

No one asked the expert about her knowledge, no, everyone – whether neighbours, doctor, priest or hairdresser – immediately knew better about Nieke at first glance, opened a drawer without further questioning, put her in it and, despite better knowledge, never took her out again.

But who is this woman really? Her way of communicating is writing. And when she has once again experienced a situation in which she felt completely misunderstood or not seen, she has written down her thoughts and emotions about it. She herself calls them her ‘angry essays’.

Rolf Horst

 

Reading should be able to flow nicely.But it can't do that if I use gender.So, with a heavy heart, I've mostly done without it.

the author

On the topic of Christianity, 08.08.2021 

We cannot and must not be reassured by the fact that Christianity has refused to grow and learn for 2021 years.

And so, for the sake of simplicity, it negates the entire field of psychology and thinks it is allowed to devalue others who expose themselves to work on themselves.

However, repression is never a solution.If he or she has the strength to do so, then everyone who has been abused (whether sexually, through abuse of power – mostly – and or – abuse of trust) undergoes psychotherapy with a psychiatrist/psychologist who specialises in this. Of course, this psychiatrist/psychologist must not come from the victim's own environment or system, otherwise the self-deception will continue.

This is precisely the first lesson that a client has to learn.

You have to walk through many valleys and go through pain to become a survivor, I know that from over eight years of personal experience.And you need something that no Christian person has to show, because Christianity also negates this: unconditional honesty towards yourself and others.

But you can learn that. Of course, only by handing it over to a specialist. Only later can and should you be able to do this independently.

Personally, after thirty years of psychological experience with myself, I still seek the advice of another person to be on the safe side.

In addition to four wonderful psychotherapists in three different therapies at different times in my adult life up to now, Zen meditation has also helped me. Zen meditation, excluding the aspect of repression. That's when my ‘psycho-toolbox’ came into play.

But Zen has much more to offer than that: the lived simplicity, the silence (which, by the way, can be found everywhere, not just in Zazen), a solid (and ideally adaptable to everyday necessities) structure, behaviour appropriate to the situation, discipline and perseverance, and last but not least: this unique moment.

Today, as a healed survivor of experiences of violence from four to twenty-one years old and a victim of sexual abuse, as a seventeen-year sober alcoholic and as a probable Asperger autistic, I see the necessity for diversity, which is desired and established by Dharma, and the wealth that arises precisely from it.

A wealth that people have so far dismantled for their greed, ignorance, and irresponsibility. We can no longer wait to change this.

They move towards unity, the wise of the ages. The young – like Greta Thunberg and many others – and the old like Thich Nhat Hanh, as well as those who have already passed, like Buddha, Jesus, Bodhidharma, Gandhi, Meister Eckhart, John Lennon, Ayya Khema, Eknath Easwaran, the wonderful Hugo Lasalle, Uta Ranke-Heinemann, all the animals fully living in the present moment, and also those who have already gone.

‘Energy is not lost in the universe,’ said my chemistry(!) teacher at evening school.

They are therefore still there, those who have already passed, just in a different 'state of aggregation'.

Let us finally get serious about embarking on the path towards tolerance (diversity) and wisdom.

It's already 5 past 12!

The Christomatically 11.08.2021

2021 – For years, the number of people leaving the Evangelical and Catholic Church has been increasing. THANK GOODNESS!

Humanity seems to be slowly realising what everyone who has been traumatised has long since learned: that repression is not a solution.

Because the dirt that has been painstakingly covered up and hidden behind pink curtains (unprocessed) will come to light again. From my perspective as a survivor of violence and abuse of trust from the age of four to twenty-one (later including sexual abuse by the first husband), every Christian would need a non-Christian psychologist to process the dirt that has been repressed for a lifetime.

There are plenty of books, films and accounts of self-experience to be found. You can hardly bear to read even one page about the atrocities committed by this perfidious community.